I’m back, with a quick hits list of fab finds and launches from this week —
01. Lake Pajamas Holiday. Lake launched its latest holiday pajamas today at 12 EST, and I’m in love with the Antoinette print, which was designed in concert with revered stationer Mr. Boddington’s Studio. Lake sent me the long/short style even though it’s winter season — it’s still my year-round favorite pajama style — but it also comes in a short/long. I’m not going to lie: I had it in my mind to wait until Thanksgiving to break these out, but I wore them last night. I like that the design isn’t overtly “Christmas” as much as “holiday season.” I got mini the matching ones! (You can see me wearing them below withTHE UGGS, which are starting to sell out. More on ugly, but cool, footwear for the season here.)
02. Riley Sheehy x Chappywrap. My girlfriend Riley designed a collection of blankets with ChappyWrap that launch today and generously sent the Amaryllis Block Print style my way. I’ve known about Chappywrap for years, but never owned one. These are such spectacular blankets — thick enough to double as a picnic / grass mat, but soft enough for couch snuggling. I couldn’t believe how deliciously large they are! Definitely sharing size. My children now squabble over who gets it, and I have to remind them they can easily share. This would make a beautiful housewarming / thank you / holiday gift, and I strongly recommend upgrading for the gift box. It makes for a very dramatic, substantive presentation.
03. Did anyone else notice when Jenny Walton broke the Internet this week with her styling of Hill House’s sequin nap dress? Just when I thought I didn’t need another. I love the way she added bows (old ribbons from a package she’d received!). Now I’m wondering if it isn’t the perfect pick for the lowkey NYE we’ll be having with friends at a ski rental (children, hopefully, tucked into bed early)?
04. Sunhouse Children launched its holiday capsule! I love this sweet little brand. They have the greatest, most unexpected prints. I especially love the little bubble for a wee babe.
05. These Thanksgiving sensory play kits were very popular among Magpies from my Thanksgiving Morning at Home post (P.S., you can still receive all of the elements of my “Thanksgiving Kit” — playlist, prayer, recipes, run-of-show, etc here), and the lovely owner of the Etsy shop, Katie, reached out to offer us 10% off with code MAGPIE10. Now I’m eyeing the nutcracker one for holiday season!
06. Sezane’s new arrivals dropped on Sunday and did not disappoint. I ordered this knit dress and this striped sweater. I find I am absolutely living in oversized cardigans this season. One tip on ordering that a Magpie helped me tease out: I’ve found some of my pieces from Sezane pretty itchy (mohair, wool, etc). This isn’t a big problem if it’s a piece that I’m obviously going to wear over a base layer (usually my Leset pointelle tees) but not so nice if I want to wear it against bare skin. I’ve started to look at the material composition more closely. I ordered the knit dress because I noted it was a wool/cotton blend. Will report back! I also considered this tartan jacket (!) and how good is this head-to-toe chocolate brown look?
07. Food52 is offering 25% off sitewide as a Black Friday preview with code SAVENOW. I was paging through their holiday section and thought it was such a good opportunity to buy some seasonal decor at a little price-break. This Swiss scallop tree skirt is spectacular, and has a lovely vintage feel to it, and these felted Craftspring ornaments are absolute treasures. I bought a few back when we lived in Manhattan and they are a beautiful way to commemorate that time in our lives each year! They also have some fun Advent calendars. Last year, some of our friends gave us a Bonne Maman Advent calendar and it was so fun to test the more unique flavors.
08. ICYMI: Julia Amory heavily discounted a bunch of her table linens. You can score tablecloths that retailed for $160 for $50! A great time to buy ahead for Easter/spring especially — love this sweet pattern.
09. UBeauty restocked its nearly-always-sold-out “Rose” lip plasma color, which is what I wear daily. It deposits just the right amount of color, but also fills and plumps lips in a way I’ve never seen a lip product work in all my life. I wrote about how much I love this lip product a few weeks ago, and even advised waiting for the Rose to come out! Now is the time.
10. Last but not least, Boden launched some fun and festive new arrivals this week. I love this ribbed metallic dress (a great buy if you normally shy away from knit dresses as you find them too clingy at hips), this tartan maxi (!!!! — SO good for Christmas / Christmas Eve, but you could also dress down a touch by layering over a black turtleneck and pairing with black flats or boots), and this pleated metallic skirt, which is giving La Double J meets Missoni.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
By: Jen Shoop
Image via Nina Blanc, whose pieces are SO special and reasonably-priced. I feel like she’s so under the radar!
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know I launched a new interview series over there a few days ago in which I text questions to some women of substance I admire and share some of their responses. My first “side text” was with Alex Steele of Handpicked. You might remember her name from my musing in this blog post, in which she graciously shared her perspective on how difficult parenting can be, whether you have one child or seven. (She has four!). You can swipe through some of her beautiful, occasionally surprising responses (she’s not a handbag girl! and Plymouth Rock comes up — I love a girl grounded in history!) in this carousel post on Instagram.
One of the Q+As really stopped me in my tracks. I asked her:
“When people seek your advice, what are they usually asking for?”
Her first response: “Communication in relationships. I’m from a big family so I talk to a lot of people, a lot, and hard conversations aren’t something I shy away from.”
What a beautiful thing to be known and sought-after for. I absolutely lean on communication doulas for tricky relationships in my life — my mother immediately springs to mind, but also my friend Jaci. Any time I’m unsure how to approach something sensitive, I know I can seek their earnest, considerate counsel.
After I read Alex’s response, I realized how much this inquiry reveals about the respondent in the span of a couple of words. Curious, I polled my Instagram Magpies with the same question, and so many of the responses reflected back exactly what I’ve come to know intuitively about this community: here, in the comments section and on the other end of the screen, live true women of substance.
A sampling of responses as to what people seek Magpies out for:
“A soft landing for hard emotions.”
“Parenting advice. Not an expert, just calm/level-headed.”
“Validation.”
“Perspective.”
“Caring for a child with Down Syndrome, or for their family/friend who just received a diagnosis.”
“Approval, forgiveness.”
The most common response, though, were permutations of this reply, which left me in a wobbly, the-world-is-after-all-full-of-good-people state of mind:
“Confirmation of their own intuition. Most people just want to be heard.”
These answers reflect the deep empathy of our little Magpie community.
I’m curious, today — what do people seek you out for?
(By the way, you can answer with a lighter touch, too — had lots of responses with things like “children’s fashion!” and “grammar!” that reminded me of our Magpie axiom: a woman contains multitudes. Don’t shy away from answering that you’re the one people seek for the best restaurant recommendations, the funniest comebacks, etc. I have friends that fill all of those needs for me, too.)
+Another opportunity to share who you are with the Magpie community. I absolutely live for your answers to these. Whenever I publish one of these icebreakers, I sit at the kitchen counter with Mr. Magpie and we read our favorite answers to each other. (Shout out to the gal who drank gasoline by accident — I still think about you and that story at least once a month. And you shared it years ago.) Sometimes your answers trickle in weeks and months after initial posting and I read and try to respond to each and every one no matter when you post!
+Writing, fishing, and the Roaring Fork. (Aspen is my happy place. We go back there this summer. I am already anticipating its feels, sounds, smells. I wrote more about my childhood summers in Colorado here.)
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
Shopping Break.
+A lot of you talked about wearing comfortable/stretchy pants on travel days. Several of you specifically called out Uniqlo’s Elastic Waist pants (ed note: updated this post with correct link once Magpies confirmed), but I’ve also been eyeing these ribbed kick flare Donnis, and my girlfriend Jaci (mentioned above, and a bone fida jetsetter and travel writer) loves the sets from Vuori.
+Can’t mention Uniqlo without tossing in this reminder: these are the best $15 tees on the market. They have a surprising thickness and polish to them — you’d never believe they’re $15. I take my true size but if in question, size up one size.
+My Veronica Beard top coat arrived and — gasp. She’s perfect. I feel like a million bucks in her. I’ve had a few requests for look for less options. A few choices, at different price-points: around $600, under $400, and under $100. The Karen Millen (under $400, originally $620) is a great buy. I’ve not purchased something from her in awhile, but I had this pink summer sundress I bought from her in the boutique in Georgetown when I was maybe 24 that I wore for over a decade and just donated last summer! Her coat is the most similar to my VB with the length/military detailing, and it’s 100% wool.
+Your comments on my travel post led me to buy one of these portable chargers for my upcoming flight. I had one for my old phone but forgot how handy this is on travel days — not having to seek out a plug is incredible. I also think this is the final nudge I needed to buy a pair of Bose noise-canceling headphones. I’ve been wanting a pair forever. Will also be handy for writing — I basically need a sensory deprivation chamber when I’m in a deep flow. I will say a Magpie ( in response to the travel tips post) wrote that she uses an inexpensive pair and they work just fine. This pair is currently 50% off, bringing it down to under $50.
+This $160 LBD is beyond adorable — the bow in the back! Love the idea of pairing with patterned tights.
+My cashmere wide leg knit pants arrived and are SO dreamy, and actually flattering — they have a high waist that cuts a chic silhouette. Get the look for less with these.
+The cutest helmets for children. Great add-on gift if you’re buying your little one a new scooter or bike for Christmas. Re: scooters — get the one with the light up wheels. I don’t know what it is about the light-up wheels that delight children so much. Absolutely worth the $10 upcharge. Re: bikes. Order now. I remember we ran into shipping issues with some of the cooler brands when we ordered last year. The Micro scooters are available everywhere it seems, but the bikes can be trickier.
+Target already has its holiday decor locked and loaded. I always find a few new decor pieces from them each year. This year, I love these trees in the marble and ceramic. Would be pretty for a tablescape or nestled among other decor on a mantle/bookshelf. And how cute is this little card holder to display your holiday card bounty instead of in the unceremonious stack I usually keep them in? Also worth a look: this rattan tree collar and this scalloped tree skirt.
+Can’t mention Christmas trees without my annual plug for the Krinner Tree Stand. This WILL enable you to avoid the yearly argument you get into with your spouse while trying to erect the tree. Trust me and about 2,000 Magpie readers on this.
+Real talk: I texted my sisters last week and said, “if you can’t tell your sisters, who can you tell…?” and then decided to pay this info forward to you all, too, my internet sisterhood! But if you ever feel a UTI coming on, start taking these cranberry extract / D Mannose supplements. I am usually very circumspect about these kinds of remedies but this legitimately, legitimately works. I actually first heard about it from food blogger Caroline Chambers (so random) and I’m so glad she mentioned it in passing?! Another real talk thing: I will now never travel without Afrin. I keep this in full stock at home but didn’t pack it for my trip out west, caught a cold, and was absolutely in excruciating pain with the pressure in the cabin on my clogged ears on the return flight. I sweated through all my clothes and think I broke a few bones in Mr. Magpie’s hand. Never going to be without it again. This REALLY unclogs/unblocks everything. Note you can only use for three days.
+These Skims tees are on my shopping list. Have heard they’re great for layering.
+Our sons need these sweaters immediately. Also love these henley tees for everyday wear — my son has them in a fleet of colors.
By: Jen Shoop
Sephora’s tiered sale opened up to all Beauty Insider members today — 20% off for VIB Rouge, 15% off for VIB, 10% off for Insiders with code TIMETOSAVE. Sharing a few of my favorite buys below.
01. Kosas Airbrow — Easily in my top two or three favorite beauty product discoveries this year. I wear this daily as a part of my five-minute, five-product beauty routine. It gels, fills, tints with an easy-to-wield-and-difficult-to-mess-up wand applicator. You’re two swipes from great daily brows. I’ve noticed such a difference in my daily look since wearing this daily — well-groomed eyebrows just “frame” the face! Another option: Westman Atelier’s brow pencil. My mom speaks (!) in (!) exclamation (!) points (!) about this product. She has thinner brows than I do and she loves the way these precisely fill the shape of the brow with a totally natural effect.
02. GoopGlow Exfoliator — I’m truly obsessed with this product. Will never forget when a reader wrote to say “I keep a back up for my back up of this product — it’s that necessary.” I wrote a full review here, but this is both a physical and chemical exfoliator that does wonders for your skin in two minutes flat. I’m linking the travel/trial size so you can test in a smaller format or toss in your travel bag!
03. All things Merit. As you know, I’ve become a huge fan girl of this clean beauty brand. Specifically urge you to buy this blending brush. I love it so much, I bought two. It blends everything so, so well — especially concealer/foundation and gel-based color, like blush and bronzer. The Minimalist Perfecting Complexion Stick has also been a slow-burn favorite over the past year or so. I started out thinking “huh, this is cool – good for travel! It’s like a foundation and concealer in one.” Then I slowly started reaching for it every morning because it abridged two steps into one. Now it’s part of my daily five-minute makeup routine. I recently re-ordered. Love the consistency and natural finish. It is SO easy to apply — just draw directly onto face and blend with the brush. The best, the best I tell you! The lazy girl’s (or busy girl’s) approach to everyday complexion/coverage. Last but not least, their bronzing stick (!!), which yields the most beautiful, buildable sunkissed effect, and which I loved layering on top of blush during the summer months especially, and of course their flush balms. I love, love (!) the Stockholm and Cheeky colors. I’ve been reaching for my Goop ColorBlur a lot more recently because I love the darkest red color (Afterglow) for fall/winter, but the Merit is easier to apply. You just invert the little applicator and swipe onto cheek, then dab with your blending brush. Ugh, these products are all so dreamy.
04. Goop ColorBlur — In case it got lost in the previous paragraph, this is worth it’s own number. I’m totally in love with this in the Afterglow color. It gives a deep Winona-Ryder-just-ran-through-a-meadow flush. I’ve worn this daily for the past few weeks.
05. Mascaras: If you’re after a fabulous clean mascara, you’ve got to try Ilia. It is one of the best mascaras I’ve ever tried — great at length and separation. A perfect everyday mascara; not too dramatic. They also sell a mini size if you want to try that first before committing. Another clean option that I’m testing myself: this new Westman Atelier mascara. I’ve heard such fantastic things about it. Last but not least, my ride-or-die: Armani Eyes to Kill. I love mascara so I try them all, but I always come back to Armani. I like a slightly more dramatic lash, and this is inky but not clumpy. You get the fullest volume with this formula.
06. Ilia Liquid Powder Eye Tint — Totally hooked on this formula. It’s creamy, easy to apply with a finger, and they have great everyday, matte colors.
07. Shiseido Facial Cotton — Trust me, this upgrade is worth it. This is the softest, fluffiest cotton with the best weight for actually removing makeup without disintegrating the cotton pad. It’s thick enough, you can use both sides. It’s a non-negotiable for me. Every time I stray, I miss this part of my routine.
08. Saie Glowy SuperGel Duo — I ordered this “travel size duo” and they’ve been lasting an eternity! This is the set you need. It’s my favorite “last step” for a full face of makeup — I dab onto my cheeks, under my brow, on my cupid’s bow and the tip of my nose. The prettiest illuminating effect. If you want gloss/glow without any color, though, you’ve got to try Westman Atelier’s Lit Up Highlight Stick. This is such a fantastic product for swiping onto cheeks, down bridge of nose, etc to achieve an illuminated look without depositing any color.
09. Charlotte Tilbury Lip Liner — This is as good as everyone says. Makes lips look fuller and in such a flattering shade. LOVE this.
10. Clarins Double Serum — Could write a small suite of poetry to this product. (I sort of have, in this review.) It’s holy grail. I usually use this after Vitamin C and before moisturizer. Right now, I’ve been testing some other serums in its stead and I miss this consistent results of CDS.
11. Clarins Cryo-Flash Instant Lift Face Mask — Now’s the time if you want to test this cult-following mask. Love the way it shrinks pores and leaves a glassy-smooth skin surface. It also has this great cooling effect that gives the impression you’ve just dunked your face in a bowl of ice water.
12. Clarins V-Facial Instant Depuffing Face Mask — Couldn’t leave this mask off the list. It’s another beauty cabinet must-have. You need this for the morning after a big night out, or really, before any big night out. I didn’t even know my face was occasionally puffy before I used this. I don’t understand the dark magic it employs, but I swear your face and neck look sucked-in, chiseled after one use. It also leaves skin so incredibly soft and happy.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
By: Jen Shoop
A few posts back, I was writing about motherhood, and how I occasionally find it so demanding that I ask, “Is it this hard for everyone? Or is it just me?” I harbor the same questions when I think about my first c-section. It was technically “an emergency c” because my water broke early the morning I was scheduled to go in, and so they expedited the operation, but there was nothing dramatic about it — all went smoothly, straight-forwardly, with no hitches or problems. At least this was what I was told. “Everything went great!” “You’re healing wonderfully!” “Textbook!” And yet I’d found the entire situation so stressful and inhumane that I did not want to be alone for the first few weeks afterward, as I was afraid to sit by myself with its memory. I had convulsed so violently — from shock? from medication? — that I had seemed to be levitating off the operating table and was therefore not able to hold my baby after she was born. The minutes ticked by in painful agony. I wept the entire time. Tears dripped right down my cheeks into my mouth and off my chin. I could not wipe them clean as my arms has been placed outstretched on the table and I was too scared — perhaps too paralyzed — to move them. I felt alien from myself, barred from my own body. I cried and cried in the weeks aftermath, as I slowly processed the enormity of it. I soaked my husband’s shirts with tears. I did not heal from that childbirth, emotionally, until I delivered my second child, also by c-section. That second birthing experience released me: I emerged triumphant. I remember beaming into the camera in the recovery room, clutching my baby to myself, feeling wild surges of ecstasy and happiness. “We did it, we did it!” I remember saying to Mr. Magpie. Not only because our second, and our last, was safely in my arms, but because I had made my way from the deepest chasm of fear surrounding the births of our children to the apex of joy.
I have thought about this a lot over the past few years because — how did it happen? I think it has to do with my mindset by the time my son was born. Not only was a better prepared, emotionally, for the experience, but I also knew I’d endured it and had eventually made my way back to center. I trusted myself to complete the same lap twice. I reasoned that even if my experience of it was as terrible as the first had been, I could grit my teeth with a little more conviction. This, too, will pass. I was also better able to advocate for myself and my needs. I talked at length with the doctors about the medications I wished to avoid, my fear of the terrible shakes, my desire to hold my baby right after he was born, and they listened and delivered. But, I think, most importantly: in the two years between my children’s births, I was able to sit with all of the mixed emotions of the first birth and let them breathe. After initially avoiding eye contact with all forms of memory from my daughter’s delivery, I faced them by talking them out with my sister, my husband, my mother, other wonderful women. They listened and gently reminded me that even though “everything had gone great!”, it was OK to feel upset about the experience. I even laid down one afternoon in the weeks leading up to my son’s birth and tried to think through the entire experience as crisply as I could: this happened, then this happened, then this happened. I believed that if I could look that morning dead in the eye, I could escape from its gripping fear. I devised new strategies to lean on, including a plan of repeating the words: “Focus on me, not on the storm” instead of attempting to recite the Hail Mary, as I was wont to do. The Hail Mary is lovely but a bit long in the tail when you are hanging on every second. Or rather, when, each second trudges by in leaden shoes.
I recently came across a quote from an American Buddhist, Pema Chodron, in which she wrote:
“The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
This, I think, is the chiming answer to not only why I was able to have a more positive experience with my second birth, but also to so many of my questions of heart: find room for it all. Stretch out your heart. Don’t be economical in the face of its wild, unencumberable movements. Imagine you are pouring from the center, not the rim. You are a thundering waterfall, not a trickle-trackle stream. Many things can be true at once and it is not your job, when you are healing, to figure out anything but how to make space for it all, so nothing creeps out sideways, skinny-like.
Today, I want to run a bit of a retraction. I wish I’d not asked “Is it harder for me?” because I think this might put us in the damning straits of comparison, but rather: “How can I make space for it all?” How can I permit myself to feel twenty-seven ways about motherhood without the standard predicate of guilt? Let’s take as a given that we are all doing our very best, and, as a Magpie pointed out, that motherhood will take as much as we have to give, whether we have one child or seven. It’s OK to feel wildly overwhelmed. It’s OK to be absurdly gleeful while watching your son eat. (Truly, what is it about watching my children eat that offers such deep satisfaction?). It’s OK to repair things after you’ve misspoken or raised your voice. It’s OK to weep over the little drawings your daughter left on your desk. Motherhood asks for it all, so might as well open up my heart as wide as possible and pour from the center.
+Remember my writings about Fleetwood Mac last fall? I’ve been re-listening to a lot of their music on my more recent runs (currently, again, on pause while I recover from a bad head cold). Just so incredibly good.
+I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile, but when I came down with a cold recently, I decided to start taking apple cider vinegar more regularly. It’s supposed to be excellent for circulation, gut health, and other benefits. I’m not sure I totally buy all of the literature about it, but I will say that my body always craves vinegar and I trust my body enough to know that it knows what it needs. I’ve been mixing standard Bragg brand ACV into cold water in the morning. I love the taste, frankly. But I’m intrigued by these fancy Living Tonics by Acid League. This set features one bottle each of Coffee Chaga Maple, Passion Fruit Oolong, and Vanilla Mānuka Spice. (P.S. If you hate the taste of vinegar — blasphemy! — Bragg also offers capsules.)
+Three great fall jackets just went on sale: this barn jacket from Wyeth I’ve been wearing all season (perfect weight, love the balance of feminine/masculine elements), this best-selling puffer (you all LOVED this — currently under $160), and this cozy sherpa fleece.
+Just ordered myself this striped knit dress. I’m not usually a knit dress gal but I just loved the colors of this one. I’ll report back – I find a lot of Sezane pieces, while SO cute, a tad itchy. Stay tuned! Also new at Sezane: this glittery mini. It’s nearly sold out already (just launched two days ago) so run if you love!
+Julia Amory discounted a bunch of her summer table linens. This one — orig $160 — is only $50! Total classic. Imagine with white flowers and rattan tableware. So good!
+Three other really fun sale finds: this sweater, which is splurgey but such a statement, this headband, and this Jenni-Kayne inspired cocoon style sweater. Also, the off-white denim skirt I styled several ways here is marked down!
+Tempted to order these sherpa-lined chelsea boots — under $100! LOVE.
+I want this head-to-toe Spanx set: these pants, this half-zip.
+Target has marked down a ton of toys in advance of Black Friday. Great time to snap up Lego sets, Squishmallows, and even stocking stuffers like LOL Surprise dolls and Uno.
+Did you hand sanitizer can be chic? You can even attach it to a keyring/bag/etc with this.
+For my expecting mamas: do you know about Storq? I discovered this brand late in my second pregnancy but a few of my favorite maternity finds were from there. Love these long cardigans and these nursing bras. They also have a sale section! Was always drawn to promos while pregnant since you wear the items for such a short period!
+Just ordered my son some more Gap jeans. Love the classic fit.
By: Jen Shoop
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‘Tis the season, unfortunately. Below, some finds to make yourself a bit more comfortable when under the weather, or even when you’re just feeling blue/low. Whenever I’m feeling out of sorts/upset, I “take care of myself as though sick” — I move more slowly, rest more, drink lots of fluids, wear my softest clothing. I strongly believe in the mind-body connection, and when I am dysregulated emotionally, I find it helps to take good physical care of myself as a step towards recalibration.
*When I had a massage in Calistoga last week, the masseuse used a heated, weighted neck wrap while working on my feet/legs and it was absolutely divine. I immediately went to work searching for something similar and plan to order this one.
**This particular design is from a collaboration between my friend Riley (!!) and Chappywrap, and it launches on Wednesday. The most gorgeous designs! I am so happy for her!
***I forgot to include these above, but from a tactical standpoint, I also love this healing balm to help with chapped nose/lips (super thick and unctuous), Vicks VapoRub (this really, really works), Afrin Nasal Spray (recommended by my doctor and I think totally abbreviates cold duration / helps prevent a cold from turning into a sinus infection by clearing things out), and Emergen-C (not sure it does anything to specifically alleviate/prevent a cold but does have tons of electrolytes and pumps you full of vitamins). I keep all of these items well-stocked in my home.
P.S. Sick days are a good time to re-watch favorite old movies. I loved all of your answers at the bottom of this post!
P.P.P.S. Still using all of the items in this “favorite buys” post heavily. (And all are under $160!)
By: Jen Shoop
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
In my late 20s and early 30s, I traveled a fair amount for work. I think I hit 50 flights one year! In those days, I had my travel routine down pat. I knew which Starbucks to hit up for the shortest line, how to move through security efficiently, and what snacks/beverages to stock up on before the flight. I got to know National, SFO, and O’Hare a little too intimately for my own taste, even having preferred bathroom stalls (!?) and favored food destinations when I was delayed or hungry.
When I flew out to California this past week, I was startled by how out of practice I am with solo travel. Not only have I barely traveled via plane the past five years (combination of COVID, having young children, working for myself, and the proximity of NYC to DC — meaning we typically trained or drove versus flew when visiting our families), but I almost never travel without Mr. Magpie, and he takes on the lion’s share of coordinating rides, checking bags, figuring out timelines and logistics, and so I am usually just along for the ride. I’d forgotten how alert I need to be when traveling alone (gate changes! boarding times! group numbers! where to find the “Quick Bag Drop”! finding the AirTram to get to the rental car company!), and realized how spoiled I am by Mr. Magpie’s attentiveness to these matters on my behalf. I am grateful for it, but also thought it might not be a bad thing to flex my “independence” muscles a bit more frequently. I feel the same way about highway driving. I never, ever minded it (in fact, I enjoyed road trips!), but in the five years we lived in New York City, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I slipped behind the wheel, and somewhere in that lapse, a stubborn fear of the highway took root. I will often drive a longer route just to avoid the highway (especially the Beltway in the D.C. area). I will admit that I was not nervous in the least about the solo trip to SFO, but I was lowkey worried about the hour and a half drive across the Bay Bridge and up 80 to Napa I’d be undertaking at the tail end. I had to give myself a little pep talk beforehand. I made it, but was white-knuckling it almost 1/2 of the way, especially on the Bay Bridge, when I had to start loudly singing Ariana Grande lyrics just to distract myself. I want desperately to get over this fear before it becomes paralytic, and I know the answer is more repeated exposure. So I need to work on volunteering to drive when Mr. Magpie usually handles it a bit more.
Anyhow – I have more solo travel coming up (and more travel in general — Tulum, possibly Disney, Aspen, and Italy are all in our 2024 plans), and was hoping to lean on my Magpies to answer:
What are your best tips for easy travel?
A few things I do (none of them groundbreaking) to make for an easier travel day:
01. Order my Starbucks ahead using the app. The lines are often crazy long and this means you can relax at your gate and meander over when it’s ready, usually cutting your wait time in half. I find the app is actually really good at identifying the correct, closest Starbucks by gate number. A cinch!
02. Keep my laptop in the front zippered compartment of my carry-on suitcase (a “Continental” Tumi — she ain’t glamorous, but she’s a workhorse! She’s still in great condition after years and years of often intensive travel!, and I love that she can expand if necessary). I find lugging my laptop around on my shoulder so unpleasant, so instead, I stow the laptop in the rollaboard front pocket until the very last possible moment before boarding and then transfer to my bag so I can use it while in flight. I know this is crazy, but the front pocket on the Tumi is the main reason I’ve not yet bought the Paravel suitcase I’ve been eyeing for months now.
03. Charge phone and laptop any time there’s a free charger — e.g., if I’m sitting at the gate or at a restaurant, I’ll pre-emptively charge/top up. You just never know when you’ll be stranded without power and I find my phone battery wears down quickly on travel days.
04. Dress in layers. I’m either sweating or freezing (usually the latter) on flights. On this most recent trip, I wore my favorite ultra-soft Leset tee, a blazer, and my most comfortable jeans (these Mothers are also airplane-level comfortable), but also kept this cashmere wrap in my carry-on, which doubled as a blanket when I got cold.
05. Wear slip-on shoes. With TSA pre-check, I no longer need to remove my shoes for security screening, but it’s always a safer bet. (Mr. Magpie has been told to take off his shoes and it’s such a hassle to have to untie/retie/etc while clogging up the line.) I wore my Chanel ballet flats on this trip, but my feet are always freezing on the plane, so I actually packed my Birkenstocks and a pair of socks, too, and was so happy to have something warmer to slip into while in the air.
06. Ensure my Kindle is fully charged and stocked with a couple of reading options (and confirm they’ve fully downloaded!), and that I have a couple of albums/playlists downloaded to my iPhone. There is always a “dead zone” on the tarmac where you can’t get good Internet, and then of course you can’t use your phone during take-off/landing. I love having some entertainment on hand.
07. Buy a full bottle of water at a concession stand as soon as I get through security. (Or, bring an empty water bottle with me and fill at a water station.) I find travel days so dehydrating.
08. Keep a small bag of cosmetics in my carry-on so I can zhush right before landing. (I have been using the smallest one from my Julia Amory set for this purpose — look for less with this.) I keep just my makeup essentials (the five-product, five-minute makeup routine here; note that UBeauty JUST restocked its constantly-sold-out “Rose” color yesterday…run! My absolute go-to for everyday!), plus decant some face lotion (currently using Augustinus Bader — get it at a discount in Sephora’s Tiered Sale, which is live now for VIBRouge (20% off) and will be on sale for the rest of us on 10/31) into one of these little pots. My skin feels so dry from the cabin air. I also always have a moisturizing lip balm (love Elizabeth Arden’s 8 Hour Cream in tube form).
09. Not necessarily “travel day” specific, but two things I love to travel with: this LED-lit mirror in case the hotel has sub-par lighting and packing cubes. I have a few different styles. These are inexpensive and I like them because you can buy a different color for each family member so it’s easy to keep items sorted. I also like these because I find it’s handy to be able to see what’s in each pouch without having to rifle through / remember. I’m eyeing these gorgeous packing cubes from Neely and Chloe though…so pretty!
10. I always keep a small “remedy bag” in my carry-on: Advil, throat lozenges, bandaids, gum/mints, Tums, tissues (love these “flat packs” from Kleenex), anti-histamines. I also keep little sanitizing wipes in there to wipe down my tray table / arm rests.
11. I usually try to make my carry-on tote bag something I will also want to wear at the destination (e.g., not something that screams “travel tote”), but for this most recent trip to SFO, I had so much I needed to carry on board for the long flight (snacks, Kindle, work notebook, laptop, chargers, change of shoes) that my preferred Goyard was too small. (Otherwise, she’s perfect for travel — lightweight and chic.) Instead, I used my MZ Wallace Medium Metro tote, which I initially purchased as a mom bag when I had lots I needed to carry around for my baby and toddler (full review here). She’s a fantastic travel day bag, too. Very lightweight, zips at top (!! so helpful!!), internal compartment to isolate items (e.g., I kept my phone, card case, headphones, and Kindle in there so I could easily access them, as the bag is otherwise somewhat cavernous). She’s a bit big for casual wear IMO (like, I didn’t want to wear her around with jeans/sweater to vineyards), but I’m so glad I contemplated what would make my travel day easiest and landed on her because she enabled me to carry everything with ease. I really like this new moss color, by the way!
12. If I am stuck at an airport for longer than anticipated, I usually pay to access one of the lounges. Some of you might have access to these lounges through your credit cards / loyalty programs (always worth checking!) but you can also often pay for a one-day pass. If you are going to be whiling away a few hours at an airport, I find this a worthy splurge. Cleaner, less packed restrooms; complimentary snacks; less noise and foot traffic; Internet and charging stations; comfortable places to post up.
13. Pre-pack snacks! I find it stressful not knowing when/how/what I’ll eat, plus it’s much more cost-effective. The last few trips, I’ve picked up a sandwich from a favorite bakery/cafe in my hometown the night before and packed in my carry-on so that I know I’ll have something good to eat on the plane. I also almost always pack either Cheez-Its, mini saltines, or Chex Mix, a piece of fruit (apple or banana) as well as gummy bears in case I get peckish.
Alright, your turn! What are your must-haves, secrets, tips, tricks?!
P.S. The magic and mayhem of traveling with young children. (Still sort of recovering from this particular trip…yikes! But a Magpie wrote at some point to say that traveling with young children is very different when you’re only traveling as your own nuclear family (e.g., no other schedules/households/food and activity preferences to factor in), and that has proven to be true. We had the best time at Deep Creek Lake just the four of us and it’s emboldened us to plan a trip to Disney this winter.
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I did not like the pace of my life during the first half of this week. I battle constantly against what I’ve elsewhere called “the ersatz glamor of busyness,” instead making a point of seeking rest, but this week, I found my margins ultra-thin, and I moved through my days with militaristic precision and speed, every second accounted for, and every undertaking carefully plotted. I found myself “timeboxing,” almost instinctually — a generative practice from my product days, where we believed that constraints were a good thing in design, and that setting an abritrary limit on the amount of time we had to generate new solutions was useful. (The two corollaries being: necessity is the mother of invention and trust your instinct / the first answer is often the right answer.) Only I was applying this to my life: “OK, Jen, you have until 11 a.m. to get this down on paper. Go.” and “You may have 20 minutes in the grocery. Run.” To hell with whatever landed in the offing.
By happy circumstance, Leslie Stephens wrote about this concept this week, arguing for the importance of slowing down, not just because it’s healthful for us, but because it’s a key ingredient in living an empathetic life. Here, she quotes Simon Weil: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” A lump formed in my throat as I recalled the afternoon this week I’d attempted to take some photographs for an upcoming brand project, and my children had interrupted my every move, asking for water, more paper, reassurance, attention–or physically finding their way into the frame (as seen above). It had been a flukey day: my children were home from school, Mr. Magpie was out of town, our nanny left midday to take care of a family emergency (everything OK, thank God!), and yet I needed to take the photos as I was heading out of town the next morning. And so I’d attempted to get it done during the pocket of time I’d designated despite the fact that my children were clamoring for my attention. My son followed me around, shadow-like, carrying a sticker book around like a briefcase and flopping right down by feet wherever I moved, peppering me with questions all the while. I tried to exercise grace. I permitted their interruptions; I fetched the paper; I carried on distracted conversation; I broke up their fights. But I was not giving them my full attention — not even half of it.
I struggle with the mathematics here. I had a commitment to a brand, and I was taking it seriously. I also cannot give my children all of my attention all of the time — even when I am not attempting to complete my work, for reasons both practical and philosophical. There are chores to do, and responsibilities to meet, and I want them to see me focused, productive, committed. It is OK — good — for my children to learn that they need to wait, to be patient, etc. And this project called for maybe thirty or forty minutes of my time. (Of course, the minute I packed up the gear, they scattered, needing me no longer.) I had also spent a lot of dedicated time with them the day prior. I know attention and love aren’t governed by economics — e.g., just because we’d spent a lot of QT the day prior didn’t mean they didn’t need it again the morning after! — but this was not a situation where I’d been preoccupied or unavailable to them for a sustained period. At the same time — should I have punted the project back? The phrase “You’re where you need to be” floated in front of me like a mirage. Was I not where I should have been? Should I have thrown in the towel when my son wandered in front of the camera for the third, or fifth, or seventeenth time?
I’m not asking you to actually answer that, because what this week taught me was that there is never going to be one perfect, consistent answer, and sometimes the right thing is powering through to get the project done and other times the right thing is turning everything off and flopping onto the ground with my children. The situation also reminded me of how much we hold as mothers — how much we hold together the worlds of our children. I emerged from that 45 minute session feeling a strange mix of emotions: touched by how much my children need me and want to be in my company, flustered by how demanding the session had been, and also, frankly, moved to laughter by the absurdity of it all. It had been a comedy of errors. My new goal, however, is to strain to ensure that I have more give in my schedule to meet the unexpected so that I have more latitude in which to make a choice.
In her essay, Leslie Stephens comments: “Most days, I go through the world like a bulldozer on a time-sensitive mission. Part of the issue is that I have to. My commitments to school, this newsletter, my book, friends, and personal to-dos leave little wiggle room for unplanned, slow time. For example, the moment I wrap up with clinic, I practically exit the building in a jog to grab Toast from daycare, squeeze in a workout, grab my CSA, take an evening meeting, prepare dinner, then finally sit down to the day’s email and work to-dos. How else can I get it all done, if not at rapid speed?“
I was grateful for this dose of reality. It grounded some of my misgivings from the week, reminding me that though I can continue to look for ways to trim the fat and say no to things that are inessential, I can also accept that some weeks are going to require me to move at rapid speed. And that I can forgive myself for those weeks, too.
Onward…!
The second half of this week materialized as an antidote to the first: I spent it slowly while on vacation with Mr. Magpie in Calistoga, CA — the northernmost city in the Napa Valley area. I’ll write a full post on the trip because it was divine and I am just buzzing with recommendations and thoughts, but I am emerging restored and relaxed. We drank wine, we spent a morning at the spa (known for its mineral and mud baths), we explored the adorable town, we read our Kindles. It was divine. I’ll share lots more this week, but had to mention that I wore this Sezane cardigan (seen in second photo below, over a floral J. Crew tissue turtleneck from last season — how fun is this new pattern?) a lot while out there. It’s a great, heavyweight top layer that almost acted like a coat (it was chilly!) Sezane launched their new winter collection this morning and I already have a few items I’m eyeing for the holiday season. I’m so obsessed with this brand! (I will say that a lot of their materials are a tad itchy. FYI.)
Mr. Magpie flew out to CA earlier than I did for business, so I had the children to myself for a few days. I had such a great time with them on Sunday. We went to the park and then out to dinner, the three of us, and I let them have dessert and everything. It felt like a major “fun mom” itinerary for a slow Sunday, and I felt so close to them. Without the counterweight of Mr. Magpie at the dinner table, they dominated and led the conversation. Below, some of my all-time favorite photos I’ve ever captured of my littles from that afternoon.
Fall-toholiday wardrobe rounding out nicely. Below, some of my all-stars: my Saloni bow dress, my tartan nap dress mini (sold out, similar here), my Sezane coatigan, the Doen dress I wore here, my new Mother jeans (full review here), and my favorite pop of pink.
Wrote about this earlier this week, but I love (!!) this new Clarins face mask. Leaves skin glossy/glassy and has a refreshing cooling effect. This is also available at Sephora, which just launched its tiered sale a day or two ago — Rouge members get 20% off now; VIBs get 15% off and Beauty Insiders get 10% off starting 10/31. I’ll be using the promo to buy this Westman mascara! Not included on Sephora, but while talking beauty, I absolutely love these eye masks. I put them on after the long flight from DC to SFO and they brightened/hydrated so well.
+A few fun shopping finds from the week: these slick (pun intended) Toteme rainboots, these polka dot tights (need them for holiday!), this metallic knit holiday dress, this striped sweater, this moody tablecloth, everything from Sunhouse’s new holiday launch (this bubble is darling!)
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My Latest Snags.
Big shopping week: I scored this Cara Cara dress and this spectacular winter white Veronica Beard topcoat. I’ve been looking for more dresses that layer well under knits and coats, and I loved the rich pattern on the dress. How good with suede boots or velvet heels? And the coat — swoon. I love the way it’s styled on the site, with the metallic straight-legs. (Look for less here — these were a bestseller this week!)
This Week’s Bestsellers.
A lot of repeat buy this week from the last! We’re all buying outerwear and footwear.
This week, as I prepared to leave town for a few days with Mr. Magpie, I was confronted by the garish volume of tiny details I stay on top of on a weekly basis. Homework in backpack on Sunday nights, after being checked every few days for the week prior; two water bottles per child, for school and after-school sports, but only on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and my son keeps his first water bottle at the school from M-F, so really just needs one extra sent in on Thursday; an extra snack on days when they have after-school activities, but mini doesn’t like X, Y, Z and micro doesn’t like A, B, C; my son’s classroom is nut-free but my daughter’s is not; gym uniforms on Mondays and Wednesdays; soccer gear must go into my nanny’s car on Tuesdays so she has it with her when picking my daughter up —
This list goes on and on and on. As I prepared to leave notes for my in-laws, I balked. There was, simply, too much to communicate. Would they think I was insane for having such a complicated set of instructions? Or, worse yet, for living such a complicated life?
“I do think it’s harder for people who value order and control. But as a mom of four who thrives in chaos and noise, I do envy and feel less than the moms whose kids show up in the right color jersey for soccer and always have a water bottle. It’s just different ‘less thans’ which is the tragedy of it all.”
I was both moved and stirred by the comment. (How sad that all of us feel lacking from time to time, no matter what “tack” we try? There is a kind of morbid solidarity to it, if you think about it. Magpie Moms of all stripes unite!) But I dialed in on this observation: “I do think it’s harder for people who value order and control.” I fall firmly in that camp. I thought back to the afternoon a few weeks ago when my daughter was rough-housing on the sofa and one of her new earrings fell out. I panicked: if I didn’t act fast, the wound would close, and I wouldn’t be able to get the earring back in. I got down on my hands and knees to feel for the earring, imploring my husband to do the same, and then breathlessly managed to get the earring in after I found it. I let out an audible sigh of a relief. Later, mentioning the situation to my husband, I said, “Thank God I found it.” He agreed, and then said: “But…or what? She gets it re-pierced? It wouldn’t have been the end of the world.”
This might be a sticky example, because getting my daughter to go back to the pediatrician for a re-piercing after she cried through the first might be a challenge, but — the point stood, and baldly. Of course, if presented with the same situation today, I’d still frantically try to locate and replace the earring, but the sense of panic that consumed me had been unnecessary, and I’d never once paused to contemplate the severity of the undesired outcome.
I applied the same “or what…?” frame of mind as I whittled down my list for my in-laws. If I don’t tell them about the extra water bottle, what happens? My child drinks from the water fountain? Waits an extra 60 minutes for a sip of water? Borrows a sip from a friend? If not enough snacks are packed, or the wrong snacks are doled out — what? My children whine? Eat when they get home? If they miss or are late for one extra-curricular…so what? None of these instances had sufficiently scary predicates. And so I just waved them right off the page.
I am detail-oriented and can’t imagine not continuing to stay on top of all of these minutaie myself, but I pledged at that moment that I would not beat myself up when I inevitably drop the ball in the near future and forget the cleats, the water, the free dress day. No matter what, my children will still be loved, fed, and tucked into bed with a story and a prayer and all of the nightly affirmations I shower on them. And that is enough.
P.P.S. I should say that the “Or Whats…?” not only relates to parenting but to many other realms — including work/creative projects. Earlier this week, I was frazzled to discover, on the eve of the release of my special Thanksgiving Edition Newsletter (you can still sign up here for the kit, which includes a playlist, menu, recipes, run of show, etc), that I could not figure out how to publicly share the Google Calendar I’d spent hours and hours putting together, with copious notes. I tried everything — logging into the Admin Console, toggling on and off privacy settings, etc. I was, for a moment, deeply upset! I took a deep breath and realized I could share an exported version, and create a PDF variation too. Not ideal, but — Magpies who’d want it could still access it that way. As I implemented these changes, I thought to myself: “…Or what? No one is living or dying by this calendar! Get a grip, Jen!” It was like letting the air out of the balloon. Need to keep this reframe in mind moving forward.
P.P.P.S. Similar thoughts — on giving ourself soft landings — here.
Post-Scripts.
+H&M has some fun, trendy new arrivals — love this felted over-shirt. I’d pair with great jeans and either a statement bag or shoes — something to create friction with the boxy masculinity of the shirt. I immediately imagined with an Hermes-inspired mini bag like this and these Miu Miu heels.
+Also H&M: love the colors and fit of these cords! I haven’t ordered pants from H&M in awhile, but have found they tend to run small. I’d size up. Also, if you like the look of my shearling Arizonas but can’t quite make the plunge, try their $35 lookalike pair. (I have to say, I wear these allll the time. I love them so much, I put them in my carry-on bag so I could switch into them during the long flight from DC-SFO. I was so happy I packed them. I switched into them every time we got to the hotel room — it was chilly out in Calistoga and it sparked major joy.)
+If you like the idea of a furry/sherpa slipper/slide but aren’t team Birk, how great are these J. Crew ones?! They have a more feminine shape. Remind me of the more expensive ones from Sleeper!
+Cutest winter mittens — have heard great things about this Scandi brand. Elsa vibes! Also love the sherpa style.
+Foldable headphones for your little. These made me realize we could pack the Tonies box for a road trip and let the kids listen while wearing headphones! Maybe surprise them with a new Tonie or two? I’d never thought of this before! BTW, if I haven’t mentioned this in awhile, the Tonieboxes are SO GOOD. My children love them. Great screen-free entertainment, and the kids can control themselves! Great gift for Christmas/birthday. My daughter falls asleep every single night while listening to The Grinch! Doesn’t matter the season — she listens to it nightly. She loves it so, so much. Whether or not your child develops my daughter’s hyper-fixation with it, buy now because it always sells out closer to the holidays.
+Final Tonies mention: how cute/clever is this little Tonies wall shelf? Comes with magnetic strips to stow the Tonies not in use.
+I’ve become such a Sezane girl the past few months! I think this cardigan wins the award for most-worn in my closet. I love the fall colors — it goes with everything! — and I find it so fun to pair with other patterns, like stripes and my patterned turtlenecks. It runs big so if you are usually an XS/S you can probably make the XXS work. Also obsessing over these chocolate brown trousers and these dramatic scarves (fun holiday gift).
+These fair isle knits for littles are beyond cute.
+Also Boden: this chic and versatile cord shirtdress.
A little preamble: you can currently get 20% off sitewide at Madewell with code LTK20. There are so many great new arrivals, including an embellished version and a velvet version of the Greta flat we’ve all been buying. (And a great time to buy my bucket tote! One of my most-worn bags this season.) All my favorite picks here.
*Heads up that this gorgeous cape, which sells out every year!, will be going up in price starting November 1 (from $450 to $495). It is such a great investment piece. I love the way it dresses up jeans!
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By: Jen Shoop
Ed. note: This morning, I am republishing a modestly-edited version of an essay I initially released in 2021. I have been reflecting a lot on parenting my way through my daughter’s eye condition, especially after we were able to take a break from patching for several months, only to discover that she needed to resume the treatment. The transition back has been rough. My six year old is full of questions, self-conscious enough to be mortified at the idea of wearing a patch in company (thereby dramatically reducing the contexts in which we can apply the patch), and capable of astonishing recalcitrance. (Fellow mothers of strong-willed girls will agree: I know I will one day cherish and admire these traits as my girl takes on womanhood with conviction and pluck, but my goodness, does it make these early years challenge.) There are still weeks where we must reason with her every single evening in order to coax her into compliance. To be sure, this is a small test, as far as health goes, and I know many Magpies have children with much more severe, complex, and demanding ailments, disorders, and differing abilities. One of the great outcomes of helping my daughter through her amblyopia has been a greater sensitivity for those parents, who are often invisibly carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. You are real-life superheroes, and I see you.
*****
My daughter has amblyopia, a sight disorder in which the brain fails to process inputs from one eye and over time favors the other. It is treatable when caught early, as it was at her 18-month checkup as a baby girl, and has meant that she has worn an eye patch for five hours nearly every single day for the past few years, and will continue to do so until the age of seven.
It is difficult to inspire a two-year-old who feels she sees much better without an eye patch to comply with the treatment. It is similarly difficult to motivate a three-year-old who wants to know why no one else is wearing an eye patch to persist in her occlusion therapy. At the age of four, however, the treatment is so engrained in her daily existence that she will bring the patch to us in the morning, the picture of saintly acceptance. One way or the other, we have made it to this point, largely relying on an alchemy of consistency, M&M bribery, and various short-lived empathy tactics, including patching each and every one of her dolls and stuffed animals. There have been mornings Mr. Magpie and I have worn an eye patch in solidarity. There have been books about eye patches purchased. There have been patches with loud and funky prints on them ordered. There have been energetic celebrations every afternoon at 1 p.m., when the patch comes off. We call them “M&M parties,” and we all drop what we are doing and dance wildly around the room, shouting: “M&M party, M&M party, M&M party for Emmy-Lu! M&M party, M&M party, M&M party JUST FOR YOU!” These have become such a mainstay in the rhythm of our family life that several of my siblings know the lyrics and intonation and, on the occasion they are present for the 1 p.m. taking-off-of-the-patch, will also gyrate exaggeratedly in celebration, anointing her in song and support, and mini will beam from the center of the living room, thriving on the attention.
My daughter’s condition has opened my heart in surprising ways. At first, I felt a clinching, flinty angst towards anyone who dared gape at her patch, let alone comment upon it. I remember taking mini to a restaurant for lunch one morning, just the two of us, and a diner at a neighboring table invited herself into our universe with needling questions: “What’s going on with her eye? Will she be OK?” I batted these questions away with nodding, brisk replies delivered through a plastered-on smile, pretending to busy myself with the diaper bag to encourage the woman to return to her own affairs. When she asked about how the patch was impacting my daughter’s depth perception, I just about lost my mind. My rancor did not stem from vanity or a will for privacy. It was triggered by an inborn defense mechanism in service of my girl: I did not want anyone, anywhere to make her feel different or less than or impaired. I did not want her to experience a self-consciousness born of othering. I had the impractical parenting instinct to cocoon her from the prying eyes and unfeeling queries that seemed to follow us everywhere. I was quick to anger.
Time has sanded down the edges. I understand now that many people are well-intentioned or benignly curious, and I can’t expect them to behave as I wish they would. I appreciate that very few parents have thought through a sensitive way to respond to their own children pointing at my daughter and asking: “Why does she have a bandaid on her eye?” I can now laugh a bit at the time a visiting priest at my parish halted the entrance procession at Church one Sunday morning to pause with solicitude at our pew: “God bless this child,” he said, gravely, issuing the sign of the cross over her tiny form, I’m sure assuming that she had lost an eye. Afterward, the parishioners in our pew bobbed their heads in our direction, brows furrowed in dramatic displays of concern. At the time I remember shrinking from the attention, drawing my girl to chest, kissing the top of her head. Now I can look back on that moment as a mildly humorous, well-intentioned misunderstanding.
Young children are often curious about the patch but not unkind. They may crane their necks to get a better look at her colorfully-printed patches, or stand a few feet from her face staring in open-mouthed inquisitiveness, but it has never, thankfully, turned cruel. When asked about the patch, sometimes parents at the playground will say: “Oh, that’s her superhero patch! She has super strength!” or “She’s a cool pirate!” or “What a fun accessory!” I understand the desire to transform the device into something playful, but we remain dedicated to the bare-bones, unfussy truth: “The patch helps make her eye stronger.” We came to this phrase after fumbling through countless interactions that ultimately led us to productive parenting conversations that would spool late into the night. In this way, her occlusion therapy invited us to make a conscious commitment to speaking the simple truth to our children in this case and countless others.
Mini’s condition has made me feel deeply for parents who care for children with more severe or permanent ailments or disabilities. I have experienced a tiny fraction of what they face. How exhausting for them to constantly contend with unwelcome comments and stares, especially on the heels of the added responsibilities of caring for a child with special needs. I have made it my business to interact with those parents with particular care — opening doors or helping a wheel out of a divot when the situation warrants it with a wordless friendliness that is designed to avoid the shape of pity, but mainly going out of my way to afford them privacy and normalcy. The patch has also, I believe, helped us cultivate in our children empathy for those who are unwell or differently abled. When we see people with corrective or assistive devices, whether helmets or orthopedic braces, the patch provides an easy reference point: “You know how you wear the patch to help strengthen your eye?…”
Mainly though —
I am humbled not so much by the disorder, or by the many learnings and awarenesses it has borne, but by the quiet and uncomplaining grace of my beautiful daughter as she has toddled, walked, then run and skipped and hop-scotched, through life wearing an eye patch. Wearing one out of solidarity for only a fraction of a morning was dizzying, frustrating, and disorienting, and I could not wait to tear it off. My daughter, by contrast, submits frictionlessly to her treatment every single morning, even when the patch makes it difficult to judge depth perception at the playground or leaves her off-balance when focusing on toys with small parts for too long. I have not written about her condition for the last two and a half years out of respect for her privacy. But yesterday, I was watching her sprint down the sidewalk in front of her school with her friends, a radiant and wide-open smile on her face, her arms stretched out like wings as she kept pace with peers who do not have to go through their days with one eye covered, and I thought — well damn it, this girl deserves to be praised. I will shout it from the mountaintops!
Awhile ago, a reader shared a personal mantra: “I can do hard things.” Ever since, I have issued this affirmation to my daughter in moments of hesitation or fear: “You can do hard things,” I whisper. And while it can’t hurt to reiterate, the truth is, she needn’t be told. If anything, watching her move through the first years of her life with forbearance that far outstrips my own has been her way of telling me: “Mama, we can do hard things.”
Post-Scripts.
+Oh man, motherhood is an elegant and lopsided dance: “…These unremarkable details are the fabric of my motherhood. Nothing dramatic or over-the-top about them–they are, simply, the silent devotions of a mother to her child, the self-same ones practiced by women in rural India and northern Ireland and the southernmost tip of Argentina. But just beyond these quiet minutaie lies a hot, fierce love, which occasionally bubbles up into elbows-out protectiveness, or sentimental sobs, or an outburst of kisses that leaves mini writhing out of my reach.”
+I have been wearing this striped mohair coatigan all week. It is SO warm and I love the swingy shape and unexpected stripes. I especially like layering over a turtleneck in solid navy (I wore this one) or stripes (I wore a past season version of this one).
+Love the Agolde 90s pinch waists — I own in a lighter wash (run TTS but had to have like a foot hemmed off) — especially in this fab black wash.
+So, I finally got my hands on the Clarins Cryro-Flash Mask people have been raving about and it is excellent. I specifically love the way it shrinks pores and leaves skin glassy-clear-smooth. Clarins is so legit. I also LOVE their v-facial de-puffing mask — I’ve been using it for years now, and it is incredible. It really has a chiseling effect — I didn’t even know my face can look puffy before I started using this. Both are going to be beauty cabinet staples for me for a long time to come. If you want to start with one, I’d still rec the v-facial. It is transformative. I love to put it on before a night out.
+We just bought our children these electric toothbrushes on the rec of our pediatric dentist. We use these timers so that they brush for an appropriate length of time. For some reason, they LOVE the timers.
+This knit dress from Boden is SO good. Also love this one, especially in the navy.
+Loving Madewell’s Emmett series of pants — these cords and these garment-dyed pants are SO good. Heads up that you can get 20% off sitewide at Madewell with code LTK20 now through Sunday. All my top picks here.
+LOVE this head-to-toe Thanksgiving/Pumpkin/Fall look for a little boy. Janie and Jack does a good job styling outfits from head to toe like this if you’re ever in a rush/bind and just can’t take the time to assemble a full outfit for a special occasion, family portrait, etc.
+Undertaking some closet organization this weekend. Our coat closet had become a disaster of overflowing baskets of gloves/hats/etc, and it was impossible to find anything. I ordered these stackable wire bins after lengthy research because I wanted a solution where my children could each have their own “section” but we wouldn’t need to physically lift any lids / bins / etc to access. I also bought these for Mr. Magpie and my bulkier winter scarves, and will keep on the shelf above the hanging rack. In general, I find wire/mesh/see-through options like these helpful or I totally forget what’s where.
+While we’re talking clothing storage, this pack of cedar blocks/balls/etc is such a great purchase. You can hang in your coat closet, throw in garment bags, toss in sweater bins, etc. Cedar deters moths and moisturre and preserves clothes / keeps them nicely scented.
+We don’t use nonstick pans in our home (Mr. Magpie has theories about this — achieving fond, etc), but if we did, I love the look of these.
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By: Jen Shoop
Last week’s report was fun (thanks for the messages letting me know how much you like this format and my 5 Quick Lists, too!)
01. Have you heard about the beauty line Hanni? I learned about this brand via my friend Nan, who shared that this brand is perfect for “lazy girls” (ha!) because many of their products are meant to streamline and simplify showering routines. For example, their cocoon bar is a cleanser and moisturizer in one (and also boasts a gentle pH, so safe for cleaning intimate areas), and their shave gel is rinse-free. They’re widely known for their weighted razor, which purports to give the closest shave imaginable (a how-to here — these are not your standard Gillettes). I’m officially intrigued.
02. These cuffed wide-legs from Agolde have been majorly trending this season — they keep selling out! I found them fully stocked in all sizes here in a great wash. Note: these are a better choice for a tall Magpie. I’ve heard they run long and I think you’d tamper with the style if you hemmed. (The model shown on site is 5’9.) Images below via The Madison Rae and Nicole Cassidy. Love the look! For us shorties, these two pairs of Mothers are incroyable.
03. I’ve mentioned this a few times, but UBeauty launched a new tinted super hydrator last week and I got my hands on a tube. It is wonderful. I’ve been trying to sit on my hands to prevent myself from writing too much about it until I’ve used it thoroughly for a few weeks, but — wow. This product is excellent! Delivers hydration, deep glow, and the slightest bit of coverage (sort of evens out the skintone). I took a shade 01, but they have a handy little “shade finder” on their site where you can input the color you use in a product from a different brand, and they’ll let you know the closest match.
04. Damaris Bailey launched her holiday collection on Tuesday and wow, wow, WOW. Swoon! I think I need this dress for Christmas. It’s now at the very top of the list. You can see me in one of her gorgeous summer dresses here. It might be my favorite dress I’ve ever worn. The tailoring! Also love this red bustier top.
05. Stationery line Dear Anabelle launched a fun holiday paper collection. I love the naughty/nice gift tags and placecards. This reminds me that a few of you told me you bought the cheeky “superlatives” place cards I shared in my Thanksgiving post for your Thanksgiving tablescapes! That same brand also has pretty velvet ribbons for any number of uses for the holiday season that are en route to me now. P.S. My gift closet must-haves here.
06. Goop’s new, affordable clean skincare diffusion line! I mentioned this a few times this week, but many of you have been messaging me about this, including my sister, who texted me to say:
I love (!) Goop’s house beauty line, so immediately ordered the scrub, hoping I could find something that sort of approximates their wonderful microderm exfoliator. I’m currently writing this from out of town so stay tuned for a review next week.
07. I’m a little grinch-y about decorating for Halloween. We do pumpkins, a few bats in the front window, and a garland of ghosts at the fireplace, but my children keep asking when we can put an inflatable in the front yard. Do you go all out?! Mr. Magpie and I were talking about how short this phase of our lives is, in the grand scheme, where our children freak out over skeletons, ghosts, inflatables in the front yards of our neighbors. Please share your thoughts/sources. I might be convinced to do some of those poseable skeletons next year? (I’m starting to see some sites, like Grandin Road, marking down their Halloween decor — a good time to buy now for future Halloweens.) In lieu of proper decorations, I just bought a bunch of last minute goodies for my children, including these funny little skeleton pops. (I’ll give them each one and send the rest in for them to give to some of their friends, or maybe mix in with our candy bowl for trick or treaters.)
P.P.P.S. Fall home finds and some of my household favorites/repeat-buys here.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
By: Jen Shoop
Q: Holiday dress: midi, with long sleeves.
A: This Zara delivers. And under $150. Gussy up with glitzy heels.
Q: Any recommendations for a dress to wear to a bridal shower in November? It’s in PA at a country club. Hoping to keep it under $300. Thank you!
A: I would wear something like this, this, this, or this (at time of writing, marked down to $311).
Q: Black tie dress for March wedding in Paris.
A: Oo la laaaa. I would wear this. The peak of chic, and the tailoring is spectacular. Also love this Bernadette and this VB.
Q: Slip-on commuter shoes to/from meetings and office that aren’t heinous or too $$. Not flats/Rothy’s — something relatively supportive and neutral.
A: Hm. What about a Chelsea boot? Not exactly slip-on, but easy on/off, warm, comfortable, and very chic whether you’re wearing dresses or jeans. I have a past-season iteration of these Madewell boots that go with EVERYTHING. I love the way they look with jeans (even kick flares), cords, dresses. I’ve gotten so much use out of them — they were one of two pairs of shoes I brought on a trip to NYC last winter, because I even kind of liked how they looked paired with little cocktail dresses for evening! If that’s too chunky for you with the lugsole, try their Benning variation. Upgrade picks: Tory Burch or Loeffler.
A: I like the idea of this (also comes in all black) with a heeled boot (maybe snakeskin?). Also love a cropped blazer like this with some wide leg trousers or ultra-dark-wash jeans. And this head to toe look from VB.
Q: Oysters and champagne party outdoors the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
A: To quote Ina, “How fabulous is that?” I love this party concept! (What time? OMW!). I would wear a patterned turtleneck dress like this (I did order it — on its way to me now!) or this with booties. This feels “dressy” (appropriate for the fare) but still warm/comfortable. Depending on how cold it is in your neck of the woods, you could layer beneath a chunky knit (or this), a cashmere cape, or a proper top coat (still can’t stop thinking about this velvet jacket — a Magpie wrote to let me know she bought it!).
This knit dress could also work, but I’d want to gussy it up with some big sparkly earrings and statement booties of some kind.
Q: Basic long sleeved shirts for layering, both crew neck and turtleneck.
A: I feel like a broken record, but you need this pointelle tee in white and black. It’s one of those items that makes you excited for laundry day. I feel weird buying a third — is it too uniform-ish? — but it’s just divinely soft, a great weight (not too thin, not too thick) and I love the interesting/retro texture. I also already have been reaching for my fleet of tissue turtlenecks the past two weeks. I especially like my striped ones? Fun to layer under other striped knits. But, in general, I’m in your same boat. I need some more! At the top of my list: these Everlane henleys (does anyone else LOVE a henley tee?), these Vince tees, this ribbed Enza Costa, and these J. Crews (love the burnout / long cuffs for more casual).
P.S. I also have lots of my favorite layering tees here, but most are short sleeved.
Q: More holiday!!! Planning ahead.
A: Fellow anticipator here! A few recent finds: loving this satin mini with Gucci tights; this tartan skirt with a button-down or turtleneck; this velvet number; this sequined jacket; this bias-cut sequin skirt.
Q: Gift for seven year old boy – into STEM, science, robots.
A: Linnea’s Embers! I just burned the first all the way down — we lit it daily for weeks! — and re-ordered. Mr. Magpie loved it, too. It has good throw but not in a dense, perfume-y kind of way. You must try if you like Feu de Bois. Very similar but about half the price.
