Every year, I give Mr. Magpie a new Christmas ornament. I can’t share which one I bought him this year (he reads this blog…he, along with my old and dear friend, Eric, are quite possibly the only two men to ever set foot in TFM), but I will say that I lingered for some time over the selections of glass blown styles from Old World Christmas. I especially loved the chinese takeout one and this upright piano (I used to play!).
Pick No. 3: The Coco Bow Mule
Guys, I do not — NOT — need any more mules or bow-toed anythings in my life. And yet. I could always make space for these beauties from The Row, which I’ve featured before, and which were just restocked. (You can also get the look for less with these, which look VERY similar and are around $100! Or, different, but in a similar vein — these Pradas were just marked down to 60% off!!!)
Pick No. 4: The New Scent
I feel like I’ve written about this for the last two years straight, but I’m still on the hunt for my new scent. I thought it might be Chanel’s Gabrielle, but, after testing it out, decided it was sorta blah — not interesting enough. It just smelled like “perfume.” I dunno. I continue to go back to Narcisco Rodriguez, which I LOVE — very feminine but “woodsy” at the same time. I can’t explain what it smells like, actually. Anyway, I keep reading that all these chic peas wear Byredo’s Bal d’Afrique or Gypsy Water — you know the type: “I get up and eat steal cut oats and black coffee, then meditate; I dab on Gypsy Water and La Mer undereye cream as I dash out the door to meet Mary Kate [Olsen] at Via Corota for a quick work meeting. I’m wearing an Acne leather jacket, Rag and Bone Jeans, and moto boots I found in a small market in Rome…”] and am very curious as to what they smell like. I might have to try one of these rollerball versions, a milder investment that I’m convinced will earn my insta-cool points.
Pick No. 5: The LED Sign
It’s not even my style, but I’ve long lusted after the neon sign above Kourtney Kardashian’s bed (see below). I would never buy it for myself (I don’t think…) because it would clash so much with the far more traditional — well, traditional with an eclectic flair — aesthetic we’ve cultivated in our home. Still, when I saw this mini LOVE light ($35!), I was very tempted. I remain very tempted…should I do it?! A chic way to get the look in a smaller dose for less.
Pick No. 6: The Striped Sweater
I’m obsessed with this striped sweater, full stop. Why is everything from Veronica Beard SO CHIC RN.
Pick No. 7: The Fancy Chocolate
I have a major sweet tooth and insist on dessert after dinner every night. Recently, Mr. Magpie and I decided it was time to become adults and enjoy a little bite of post-prandial fine chocolate instead of Milanos or whatever indulgence I’d been craving that week. I’ve been disappointed by the options at my Whole Foods — what are your go-tos? I’m contemplating placing an order for Mast Chocolate Bars which are, yes, an insane indulgence, but…
P.S. I talked about Advent calendars recently — how amazing is this one?!?!?!
Pick No. 8: The One-Piece
Mr. Magpie and I are planning to take a vacation with mini this spring, and I am convinced I need this Marysia one-piece ($350) for the occasion. I LOVE that asymmetrical sleeve! Of course, I’ve managed to lust after the one Marysia suit I can’t find on sale anywhere — but there are a bunch of other chic styles up for grabs at a discount, like this style or this style.
Pick No. 9: The Shearling Slides
Do I need these slides to go with my fab Floridian one-piece? Y/N. (Trick question: it’s definitely a yes.) Be sure to check out the whole LR sale — I think I need these and these, too. And while we’re talking vacation dressing, can I just have everything from this collection? Thx.
Pick No. 10: The Slip Pillowcase
I have written about this in the past, but I’m dying to try one of these satin pillowcases, which are supposed to be phenomenal for your hair. I wrote recently about gifts I would actually give — this would make such a luxe gift for my mom or sister, and I’m sure they’d love it. (So would I…)
“My second source of ongoing guilt is what I like to call the Astronaut Diet. Baby food exclusively delivered via the medium of Pouch…I always thought that I’d be there at the hob, slaving away making delicious recipes and then blending them with a stick blender. HA! That’s happened all of once – it was when Angelica was a baby and she refused it for the whole week. The bits I had frozen in stupid bloody effing ice cube trays periodically came out to be defrosted and immediately (and violently) refused. Ella’s Kitchen Spaghetti Bolognese? Went down a treat.”
I completely relate to this one. Pre-mini, I remember telling everyone, rather cavalierly, “I’m going to feed her everything. Beets, caviar, liver — everything.” (Well, maybe not caviar. But there is a — potentially apocryphal — story my mother likes to tell: when I was a toddler, I waddled over to my parents’ spread of caviar and blini and started licking the lid of the caviar jar. “She’s always had expensive tastes,” my mom says, knowingly.) Pre-mini, I had visions of myself with a freezer stocked with fancy purees and baby-approved dishes, and a baby who would reach for kimchi over chicken nuggets.
It’s not that I don’t agree that a variety of foods is a good thing. I do. I try to expose her to as many flavors as possible and routinely give her bites of food off my plate so she can taste new things. But I suppose I never quite thought about how time-consuming a baby’s food preparation might be, especially when she decides, upon first blush, a certain flavor isn’t to her taste. I’ve spent entire mornings making turkey meatballs, tomato sauce, beef and broccoli smashes, turkey and cranberry sauce purees, etc, etc., only to have her scrunch up her face and promptly deposit said slaved-over entree on the ground for Tilly to eat.
Which nearly always leaves me reaching for an Ella’s Kitchen pouch, or pulling yogurt or applesauce out of the fridge. She loves yogurt — she smacks her lips and giggles (giggles! can you imagine giggling with glee over your next meal?) when she sees it! — that it’s become such an easy crutch for me: with one tear of a lid, I have a happy, protein-filled, full baby. But then I worry: am I overfeeding her yogurt? Is she becoming too dependent on it? Should I insist she try lots of other flavors before returning to it? Am I giving in too easily? If she refuses the entree I’ve prepared (and she does so, violently — pursing her lips and shaking her head and then gripping the spoon with uncanny strength or smearing the food all over her tray and onto the floor), should dinner just be over?
#Momguilt.
(One of you smart mamas wrote to say: “You decide what’s for dinner; she decides how much.” My pediatrician echoed this sentiment by saying that, in her first year, the amount she eats is not overly important; it’s more about exposing her palate to new flavors, as she’s still ingesting most of her calories from formula/breast milk. Literal food for thought.)
I enjoy preparing her food from scratch, and feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I present her with a new dish I’ve loving created for her. But let me be honest: I already feel harried and behind now that I’m responsible for planning and preparing more of my meals with Mr. Magpie (he used to take on the lion’s share, but now that he is in a more traditional job out of the home, the onus has — logically — shifted back to me), and layering in planning, shopping, and cooking time for mini can occasionally feel overwhelming, especially when I’d like to use her nap time to catch up on work or the pile of admin in front of me, and particularly when I have a sneaking suspicion said culinary forays will be met with stiff disapproval by its intended audience.
And that’s where another wave of #momguilt comes in: so what if it’s inconvenient? My most important job is raising mini, and that means spending time doing things I might prefer not to in order to care for her the best I can. A healthy and balanced diet is possibly one of the best gifts I can give her. And, selfishly — I’ll be setting myself up for years of frustration by way of picky-eater-syndrome if I don’t power through and introduce her to as varied a diet as possible now. Or, so say the experts, who also might change their mind next time the wind blows — suddenly, it will be en vogue to have babies eat “an all white diet” or “meat first, then vegetables, and — lastly, if you must — fruit” or “only meat broth for the first 9 months of life” or what have you. (On this note, I’m fairly certain that experts will also soon inform us that Puffs are impossibly bad for children and the root cause of all allergies and, yes, the devil’s offspring — and those happy stints of 5-10 minutes we earn by sprinkling a few puffs on the old highchair tray will be long gone.)
Last week, I decided to pick one morning each week to make a range of home-cooked items for mini — a few simple steamed vegetables tossed with a little butter and some spice (carrots seasoned with ginger and cut into little pieces, spinach with nutmeg, etc), a roasted sweet potato, and then something more involved: last week, these meatballs. (She was not a fan, but she liked being able to hold the meatball in her hand and gnaw on it. Incidentally, they were pretty good — I snacked on many of them once she decided she was anti-meatball.) The one-designated-baby-food-cooking-day made things a little simpler for me, but I realized with a start that the entire operation was designed to make me feel better (less guilty!) than it was about anything else. What is wrong with me!? There I was, stocking the fridge with micro tupperware full of food I’d prepared myself, feeling like a success — and then it hit me: why am I making this about me?!
#MOMGUILT #MOMGUILT #MOMGUILT
EUGSIOJD.
So that’s where we are. Dangling somewhere between home-cooked food and yogurt, feeling guilty about it all. HA.
~~~~~~~
Post-Script on Baby Feeding Gear.
I’ve already shared a lot of my favorite baby feeding gear, and a thorough review of her high chair. (Which, incidentally, I continue to love — my only update to this is that I wish it had wheels. But do I? I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I could just drag it across our hardwood floor to the kitchen so I can keep an eye on her, as the dining room is separated by a wall in our new apartment — but then maybe it would be annoying to have to lock the wheels and I’m not sure I think wheels on those spindly legs would even work. Hm. You can’t have it all, women.)
At any rate, a few other feeding-related discoveries and thoughts:
+A Jewish girlfriend of mine told me that a recent medical study found that very few babies in Israel have peanut allergies, while a disproportionately high number of Jewish babies outside of Israel do. They were attributing it in part to the fact that a lot of Jewish babies in Israel eat these peanut snacks called Bambas — they’re like puffs or teething crackers (they dissolve in the mouth), but they are peanut-flavored. We’ve introduced almond and peanut butter to mini many times already, as our pediatricians have been on a similar tack, the current thinking being that introducing them to nuts early may prevent allergies down the road, but I just snagged some of these snacks as an alternative to mini’s Puff obsession, and she’s HOOKED. (Thanks, A!)
+I am OBSESSED with this new-to-me French line Baby Cie. They sell all of these precious melamine trays, bowls, and sippy cups with the cutest expressions and illustrations. I bought mini this birthday set for her March birthday, but am already using the plate, and I pretty much died over this robot one. SO CUTE. How PRECIOUS are the patterns?! And I love the messages — “Imagine the World,” surrounded by books?! and “Follow Your Rainbow”? Ugh too good. I am having to restrain myself from ordering one of each.
+This snack catcher will be in mini’s stocking. (I read about 93823 reviews on various snack catchers, and this seems to be the best.)
+Mini still hasn’t figured out how to drink through a straw. I just bought this straw cup to see if helps. Any suggestions?
+When I’m feeding mini on the go, I use these or these.
+I’ve tried a bunch of different bibs, but I think my favorite are Superbibs. I love them because you can toss them in the laundry so they get a good cleaning every few days, and they don’t get in mini’s way when she’s eating. I find that her Baby Bjorns — though useful thanks to their little troughs, which catch the bits and bites that don’t quite make it to her mouth and therefore keep her high chair cleaner, often get in her way, and she’ll be struggling to maneuver around the hard plastic to get to a stray strawberry chunk or noodle. I also love that you can fold a superbib into a tiny square and toss it in your baby bag for eating on the go without needing to bring a spare suitcase to accommodate her feeding gear. Finally, they’re well-priced, and they last!
Finally, unrelated to food:
+This toy manger set! SO CUTE! One of my lovely magpies reached out and commented that she appreciates when I talk about being a Catholic and that she specifically wondered about my thoughts on raising a baby in the faith. Oh man — I wish I had the answers. My sister (mini’s godmother) has a much better head on her shoulders when it comes to this, and I’m following her suit. I think that a gift like this might help, though!
I was mixing turkey meatballs for mini the other day, and I removed my engagement ring and wedding band and placed them on the counter, out of reach of the impending cooking fracas. Ten minutes later, as I was drying the last implement I’d dirtied in the process, my heart fell straight to the bottom of my stomach — where were my rings? I felt like the air had been sucked out of my lungs.
After a frantic Cathy-the-comic-like interlude, I found them, tucked underneath a pile of kitchen towels waiting to be tossed into the laundry.
“Rookie mistake,” I thought, illogically, as I have now been married nearly eight years, and I cook nearly every day, and there’s nothing remotely rookie-like about me in nearly any avenue of my life at this time. Alternating waves of relief and frustration with myself washed over me. I grouchily slammed some cabinets closed, brow furrowed.
As I got into bed that night, I tried to unpack why I’d been so annoyed with the episode, and realized, with alarm, that it was the second time in the span of a few days where I’d let a ball drop. The first was when I sauntered into our new pediatrician’s office AN HOUR LATE, as I thought that we had a 10:30 appointment, but the appointment was, in fact, for 9:30. I was mortified. I am not late for anything these days. [College was a different story.] I’ve come to subscribe to Mr. Magpie’s philosophy: if you’re on time, you’re late. Worse, though: this pediatrician has a very strict no-show policy; if you miss more than two, you’re OUTTA THEREEEEE. And it wasn’t a good look for our first introduction to the office. Worse, yet: Mr. Magpie had taken a sick day from work so he could attend mini’s nine-month wellness check with me, and I’d inadvertently blown that plan up to smithereens. I still have no clue how I managed to mess up the timing (maybe I’ve been a little stressed and frantic these days?), and I’ve partly resigned to blaming Google Calendars, because I do think that at some point in the last month, I switched the time zone from CST to EST and everything went haywire — but! Ugh.
It dawned on me that between the missed appointment and the ring, I’d been careless with items of tremendous value twice in the course of a week. I was angry at myself. How could I have been so negligent, so absent-minded? Even though these were relatively small errors, and — ultimately — fixable within a short period of time, I was enraged with myself.
It brought to mind the painful memory of a few months ago, when I was rushing around trying to prep mini for a bath while my parents-in-law prepared dinner downstairs, and I turned a corner too quickly and bumped mini’s head on the wall. She screamed a scream I’d never heard her make before. I was absolutely beside myself for the next two hours straight. Bawling, I called my mother and breathlessly tried to explain what had happened between sobs. She couldn’t quite make out what was happening and I remember her saying, urgently, “Does she need to go to the emergency room?” She didn’t. She was fine. She didn’t even have a bump to show for the incident — but I, on the other hand, still nurse a bruise the size of Alaska on my heart. I felt wretched, unmotherly, incautious, unfit.
“How could I be so careless?” I wailed to my poor mother.
“Oh Jennifer,” she said, “What’s done is done. You didn’t mean for it to happen — and I can tell you this: it will never happen again. Not on your watch.” And it was true. I take corners far more carefully to this day; I tend to place my hand protectively on the back of her head as I make a turn.
So what’s done is done, here, too. I don’t think I’ll ever lose track of my rings again (so THAT’s what ring dishes are for…), and you can bet I’ll be triple checking appointment times from here on out.
But there’s something more to it: I’ve been rushing. I’ve been flitting from one thing to the next, Dory-like: just keep swimming / just keep swimming. And movement is good. My Dad’s motto — “never look back!” — courses through my veins as natural and immediate and inborn as the lightening bolt feeling I get whenever I see Mr. Magpie in a tux or find myself standing to address a room full of people. But there’s something I’m worried I keep losing sight of during this busy time in our lives: perspective. I’m letting details get in the way of the things that matter, losing the forest for the trees. I’m too preoccupied with getting those damn meatballs in the oven. I’ve already written far too much on the topic of my eternal struggle to live in the moment, but I’m very obviously still in the throes, still a work-in-progress. Maybe God threw the ring and missed doctor appointment incidents into the mix as a not-so-subtle reminder to refocus.
Noted.
~~~~~
Because it’s rather topical given the ring incident above: I’ve been on the hunt for a delicate gold ring to add to the stack I typically wear on my right hand. I almost always wear a ruby and diamond ring I inherited from a great-aunt and then this sweet thin band, which I have engraved with mini’s initials and birth date (under $50!!), but I’d like to add another to the mix. Maybe…
Now…quite the opposite of delicate, but in my hunt, I also fell in love with this statement pearl ring and also love this twist on the classic signet ring. A signet never goes out of style — I like ’em worn on the pinky. You can get a classic engraved with your initial here, or forgo the country club monogram vibe entirely with this clean design. (Would look so chic with a striped poplin statement blouse like this one.)
Also: I do have a ring dish. It’s one of these tole trinket trays, and I adore it. (You can find one on sale for $12 here. Incidentally, a pretty hostess gift!) I keep it on my bedside table, but maybe I also need one for the kitchen? I love this one, even though I haven’t been a bride-to-be in eons.
P.P.S. On the topic of weddings more generally…are you obsessing over the impending royal nuptials? I have a girlfriend in the media industry who has it on good authority that the engagement may be “for show” (gassppppp). But, I’m still into it. I’ll take a bit of happy, love-focused news over the standard death and doom fare. And if you are, too, you should read this delicious novel about an American gal who falls for the prince of England…one of my all-time favorite beach reads.
By: Jen Shoop
We have five different holiday festivities happening this week, and when I opened my closet over the weekend, I realized I have only three festive looks to wear. So, I’ll either be recycling looks (hm, responsible) orrrrr (much preferable course of action) fast-shipping an extra dress or two to myself. Top contenders:
+This is like OG Magpie — a narrow sheath dress? It’s so me from like 10 years ago and I still dig it. It reminds me of something Charlotte York would wear with huge pearls and traditional pumps.
+How darling? Pink is so unusual for this time of year, but I’m drawn to it. Basic black ain’t bad either…
P.S. I don’t know when or where I’d wear this — it’s summery-looking, but with a wintry print, but I am in love with it, and there are only two left, and one is in my size…
I don’t much care for the word blouse. I used to shudder when my mother said it: “Just wear a nice blouse and a skirt.” Yuck. I placed it, mentally, in the same awkward language category as “clogs” and “slacks” — both bespeak a certain fuddy-duddiness of which I want no part. Guys, blouses need a re-brand, badly, because I love a good blouse, but I shy away from its handle, more often referring to it as “a top,” which ain’t right, either. What shall we call them? I feel like something soft and melodic like lilamine or shereen would do the trick. “What a lovely lilamine you have on!” “Where did you get that shereen?”
Too far?
I’m out to lunch today, WHEEEE. I just treated myself to a mini spa day and am sitting here with my head in the clouds.
Get to the point, Magpie:
I’ve been on a blouse hunt. (Ahem, a lilamine hunt.) While I recall winters in Chicago as where all good fashion goes to die, I’ve had many occasions thus far in New York to wear something a little more festive and statement-y — the dinner out with friends, the drinks with a fellow blogger (eeee, I just had the loveliest evening with the amazing Mackenzie, as beautiful inside as she is out), the show we caught at the Guggenheim (admittedly, it was Peter + The Wolf — for kids!! — but it still required something a step up from jeans and a sweater).
I love the casual but UBER STYLISH vibe of the chic pea above, wearing this asymmetrical Rejina Pyo blouse (on sale) — and below, a few other items on my blouse-hunt wishlist:
[ED. NOTE: THIS POST WAS UPDATED IN APRIL 2019 AFTER INITIAL PUBLICATION IN DECEMBER 2019.]
It’s a little challenging to find stuff on this blog. I think it’s in part because I favor titles that are punny and weird over the more straight-forward “5 Coats You Need in Your Closet,” and in part because I write a lot, so there’s a lot to sift through.
Anyway, I get a lot of questions asking things like “what’s the curling iron you use again?” and “I can’t find the post with the makeup removing pads you use in it” and “where can I find your list of small apartment gear recs?” So, I thought I’d start compiling a few lists of my absolute favorite products, organized by category, and will update them on occasion. I’m focusing this list on home products since they’re top of mind with the recent move and I’ve had occasion to give some thought to what I like vs. what I don’t (for example, the jury’s still out on the OXO Good Grips canisters I bought for flour, sugar, etc — I don’t find the airtight seal works particularly well! UPDATE: I can confirm that Progressive’s Prep Solutions series is far superior to OXO’s Good Grips. I especially love their sugar keepers — this little container ACTUALLY keeps brown sugar soft!), and will do another on baby gear (update: done), and another on clothing/self-care (update: here) at some point, too. LMK what you think or if there are categories I’m missing.
I’ve written about all of these products elsewhere on the blog, but I’m included a brief note on each. If I don’t have something you’re looking for, please feel free to ask me, but if there are omissions, it might also be that I just haven’t found something I’m enthused about…
The Best Kitchen Products.
+Paring knife: Kuhn Rikon 4″. We have a full set of fancy Shun knives, but these are our go-tos because they’re inexpensive, can be thrown in the dishwasher, and remain remarkably sharp for a long time.
+Loaf Pan: Williams-Sonoma Gold Touch. DOES NOT WARP OR TARNISH. Dish-washer safe and nonstick. The full package.
+Baking Sheets: Nordicware. Commercial grade — does not warp and conducts heat very evenly across the pan.
+Cutting Board: Epicurean and Boos. Mr. Magpie prefers the former (lighter-weight, knife-safe, heat-safe, dishwasher-safe), I the latter (heavier-weight, more attractive, has a lip that catches any juices that might run from carving meat, etc.) Mr. Magpie also gifted me a mini epicurean cutting board in my stocking this past Christmas and it’s probably the single most used cutting surface in our kitchen — perfect for dicing up fruit for mini, slicing sandwiches, etc.
+Electric kettle: Bonavita. Heats water instantly, with an easy-to-use display. The gooseneck spout is a delight to pour from, and — more practically — is exactly what you need for making perfect pourovers.
+Citrus Juicer: Can’t find our exact model (it’s OLD and label-less), but this looks identical. You want something heavy that will catch all the seeds. I know a lot of chefs swear by a good old-fashioned hand-held reamer but I hate that the juice drips all over my hand and I still need to catch the seeds.
+Cast-Iron Skillet: Lodge. Gets better with time, as it continues to “season.” Possibly our most-used cooking vessel in the house. It leaves everything with the perfect crust.
+Peeler: Kuhn Rikon. The perfect handle length to give you complete control, and it retains its sharpness for a long, long, long time. Those long spindly ones are so unwieldy! Plus — CHEAP!
+Burr Grinder: Capresso. Works without a hitch and hasn’t let us down in over a decade. If you grind your own beans, and are purist about these things like Mr. Magpie is, definitely invest in a burr grinder vs. a conventional grinder — with the latter, the grinding process burns the beans and alters the taste.
+Pourover Gear: Kalita Dripper, Filters, and Server. The go-to brand for the perfect at-home pourover. I love that the dripper is ceramic — a little chic-er than the utilitarian metal ones elsewhere.
+Knife Set: Shun. Beautifully designed. They have a great heft to their handle and are exceptionally sharp. If you prefer a lighter-weight knife, Globals are where it’s at, but Mr. Magpie and I are both devotees of the Shun. It’s more about personal preference.
+Liquid Measuring Cups: Pyrex and ISI Silicon. Pyrex is tried and true and heavy-duty. I like the narrower design of the ISI when heating my milk in the morning — you can insert the frother and froth it way up without it overflowing.
+Dry Measuring Cups: All Clad. They never warp, stand up on their own (i.e., don’t tip), are dishwasher-safe, and nest inside one another.
+Frother: Aerolatte. Inexpensive but makes a lovely batch of frothed milk for a poorman’s home latte.
+Wine Tumblers: We have nice sets of Schott Zwiesel and Riedel wine glasses in all different shapes and sizes, but I like to drink my wine out of juice glasses. We own a few different sets — these are my current favorite. We call them “stubs” in our house — “Do you want a stem or a stub?” (Ha!)
Cheese Grater / Citrus Zester: Microplane. Indispensable to everyday cooking.
The Best Storage Products.
+Cabinet organization: Interdesign. They come in a range of sizes, but truly simplify and organize your pantry.
+Bath Toys: Ubbi. Bath toys can grow mold easily and I never liked them sitting on the floor of our shower/tub, when we so often stand there / use cleaning products to clean the shower. I love the clever design of this little tub, with its removable drying rack portion. You can also use the base as a “toy scoop.”
+Beauty/Medicine Cabinet Storage: Acrylic Cube. I have two of these, one for cosmetics and one for medicine/bandaids/etc. They are sturdy and have just the right size drawers. My one gripe with them is that the drawers can be a little temperamental if they don’t slide in just the right way. But still — I love that everything’s organized and visible. I have the drawers organized like so: bandaids, first aid, stomach ailments, flu/cold, pain killers. Keeps everything very easy to access when you wake up in the middle of the night in need of something.
+Travel: EZ Packing Cubes and Eagle Creek Compression Cubes. These truly make your traveling life much easier — and they make the most of limited suitcase space! I now have a set of EZ cubes in different trim colors for myself and each of my children.
+Utility Shelving: Seville. Anything by this brand is incredibly well-made and sturdy. We use this in our pantry closet, and it can bear a lot of weight. It also looks better than the standard issue covered wire rack situation.
+Laundry Room Storage: Trademark. OK, this is *not* sturdy or pretty to look at, but I think the design is fantastic. It’s narrow enough to slip in right alongside your washer/dryer and pull out any time you need something, but it keeps a lot of unattractive things hidden and makes good use of lost space.
+Laundry Basket: The Container Store. I know it sounds weird, but how many cracked and warped laundry baskets have you been through in your life? This one is much sturdier. Also love that the handles flip up so they’re easy to carry. I only have one laundry basket, but if you need multiple — they stack!
+Cutlery Organizer: Seville. Expandable so it fits nearly any drawer size, and the wood makes it a little classier/sturdier than the standard plastic or metal variations.
+Shelf Risers: Seville. Adjustable size, so it accommodates any shelf length. And VERY sturdy. Shockingly sturdy.
+Shelf Dividers: Closetmate. I loved these in my old closet — they kept my shelves super tidy!
+Jewelry: Beadaholic Bags. OK, this sounds weird, I know — but I keep my nice jewelry in a proper jewelry case, and then all of my costume jewelry in individual baggies that I then store in lucite organizers. So much easier to find, earrings are never without their mates, and I’m never untangling a mass of necklaces.
+Closet Organization: Target 13″ Fashion Cubes. I contemplated dozens of solutions for organizing out-of-season clothing at the top of my closet in my old house, and I wound up with these, which were an excellent choice. They’re lightweight, so you can easily lift them out yourself, have a little handle to facilitate removal, and completely collapse, so if you’re not using them, you can easily stow them. Plus, they look pretty sleek when they’re all lined up tidily in a row, and the textured fabrics look extra luxe. (I own them in the sand linen color.)
+Drawer/Medicine Cabinet Organization: Stori Clear Organizers. I use these in every drawer and cabinet in my home. They keep everything tidy and easy to find, from pens to cosmetics to hair ties and beyond. I’ve turned everyone in my family onto these!
+Beverage Organization: InterDesign. A modest thing, but I take true joy in moving sparkling waters, sodas, etc. out of their cardboard boxes and into my beverage organizers. They make the fridge so much tidier and easier to navigate — and they block out a lot less light.
+Gloves: Mr. Clean. Lined, and don’t have that nasty latex smell so many gloves do.
+Bottle Soap: Dapple. Removes the fatty/greasy residue left by breastmilk and formula, and with no scent. Much stronger than Dr. Bronner’s!
+Mop: O-Cedar + Wring Bucket. My cleaning lady insists this is the best. Amazon’s reviews agree!
+Wood Floor Solution: Murphy’s. A classic, and leaves no film.
+Granite Cleaner: Method. The only one I could find that left no cloudiness.
+Wood Spray: Method. We use this daily and it’s an excellent product.
+All-Purpose Cleaner: Soft Scrub. Useful on everything from tile to toilets.
Miscellaneous.
+Iron: Rowenta DW5080. Yes, it’s expensive, but just wait until you see what it does to your clothing. (Thanks to a reader for the rec!)
+Ironing Board: Minky. I initially wanted to get a Brabantia, which seems to be the top pick the world over, but I was drawn to this style for a few reasons: less expensive, more compact, and the cover is dark and therefore doesn’t show discolorations as easily. It’s also super sturdy — no wobble here. We’ve been pleased. A lot of the reviews talk about the fact that the manufacturer glues instructions/descriptions to the top, which in turn mars the cover, but that was not the case with ours, so I think they’ve corrected that issue.
+Nursery table lamp: Pillowfort. I LOVE that this turns on/off with the touch of a finger on the base — no noise for a sleeping baby, and no messing around for the switch when you’re holding a squiggling baby. Genius. Also, love the design.
+Paper napkins: Caspari. I always keep my buffet stocked with seasonally-appropriate cocktail and luncheon napkins. These have the cutest prints and are much better quality than your average napkin.
+Tree Stand: Kinner XXL. Worth the investment to avoid the inevitable marital strife that followed using the dinky metal ones with wimpy screws.
+Suitcase: Tumi Alpha. This thing is a WORKHORSE. It’s very well-designed, and built to last. I love the zip front pocket, which is wide enough to stow my laptop so I don’t need to lug that around in my shoulder bag.
+Bed Pillows: XTreme Comforts Bamboo Memory Foam. We upgraded to these over Christmas this past year and they have made such a huge difference in our lives. We had invested in a fancy mattress but had drawn the line at pillows (?). These STAY COOL ALL THE TIME (!?!?!??!?!) and enable us to sleep much better than we used to. We used to find we were constantly re-positioning ourselves/flipping the pillows/folding them/putting our arms under them. No more. These are an excellent buy.
The Best Office Gear.
[Ed. note: I added this section after initial publication based on comments below! Thanks for reminding me of this whole category…EEEP!]
+Printer: Brother DCPL2540DW. For living in a so-called paperless world, the amount of stuff I need to print is mind-boggling. Forms for our new vet. Document transfer requests from our old pediatrician. Shipping labels. Return forms. DMV documents. I MEAN. It’s insane. I’m obsessed with our compact printer/scanner/copier — it connects wirelessly to any device, so I can print straight from my phone or my laptop, none of that “must install driver” nonsense. Mr. Magpie did a lot of thorough research on this particular topic, and this was the top pick for him.
+Shredder: Fellowes. I know this is very unsexy but if you don’t have one of these, YOU MUST BUY ONE. We had our personal information abused SO many times when we used to just throw out documents in the trash — people sorted through the trash and then must have sold it or given it to shady people. I had fake debt collectors calling me, asking for money; I was getting so many weird phone calls from shady people; my credit card information was stolen at least three times in one year; etc; etc. I mean, just do it. Protect yourself. This one even shreds credit cards and it works like a charm.
+Desk drawer organization: Poppin. I love these colorful, modular pieces. You can also get select pieces from Amazon, which is lovely if you have Prime.
+File organization: Container Store’s Bigso Boxes. Come in great colors and can be lined up to not look horrible on a desk or — in my case — lined up against the wall beneath it. I dream of having beautiful built-ins around my desk and lining a bunch up along them. I organize all my bills/paperwork/etc in these and then try to sort through and shred stuff periodically or move it into a huge tupperware for tax season.
What a glamorous life I live over here, featuring a tree stand as my favorite score of the week. #THATBLOGGERLIFE #BLESSED. But, seriously: let me tell you about this tree stand.
First, I won the seasonal debate over whether or not we should buy a live Christmas tree or invest in a good faux one that we can bring out year after year. (Jen: 1. Landon: 349898.)
Second, every year of our married life, we get into a terse and temporarily cranky mood after the jovial experience of selecting our Christmas tree, and it’s all owing to those damn cheap tree stands with the metal pegs you screw into the base of the tree. Let me share a typical Christmas tree mounting experience:
Mr. Magpie: [Panting heavily, having dragged his 12 foot tree from the car to our living room] Where do you want it? [Exasperated sigh.]
Me: Right here by the window. I put down the tree mat and the stand where it should go.
Mr. Magpie: [Pants, wipes brow, as he pauses to survey the location] OK. Can you kneel down and guide the tree into the stand?
[Several minutes of awkward maneuvers follow.]
Me: A little to the left — no, it’s crooked, take it back out. Wait, the tree netting is stuck on the peg…wait wait wait wait, now it’s lifting the whole stand. LANDON! WAIT! OK, there. No, now it’s tilting too far towards you. OK, let me screw it in a little further….wait, it’s stuck on a branch. Can you twist the tree clockwise?
Mr. Magpie: This &*%$% tree!
We then consume hearty portions of eggnog and promise to buy a better tree stand the following year.
And promptly forget.
This year, the elephant did not forget. We upgraded big time to the Krinner XXL Deluxe tree stand. Yes, it costs a pretty penny for a tree stand. But it’s sturdy and lasts a lifetime and has enabled us to entirely avoid those holiday grouch sessions for the remainder of our lives. Also, I don’t hate how it looks right now, while I’m waiting for our tree skirt to arrive…
If this story resonates with you, I advise you to purchase it yourself. A little Christmas magic right there.
*PS — I’m starting to give my weekend vibes subtitles so they’re a little easier to find. I’ve had a few people email me asking, “Where did you write about such-and-such?” And it’s almost always in my Weekend Vibes posts, which aren’t very descriptively titled.
I shared a few thoughts on body image just after mini was born, and I think it’s the single most-commented upon post I’ve ever written — though you’ll notice that very few comments actually show up on the post. Rather, I received a flurry of texts and emails about the post from different people at all different life stages — new moms, recent college grads, even women of a certain age, who — you might think — would be at home in their own bodies. Few women felt comfortable sharing their experiences in the public comments section of my blog, but so many of them related to the emotions and reached out to let me know they felt similarly. We live in a culture with strange and impossible beauty norms and taboos, and everyone — everyone — I know has her own related baggage. The post and its sentiments have been floating in and out of my mind owing to a twin set of experiences:
+Visiting my Mom during the ordeal of the move to NYC, she turned to me and said, sharply, in that Mom way that actually means “do something about this”: “Jennifer, you look thin.” I did, in fact, look haggard. I had just endured a stressful couple of weeks eating random snacks out of minibars and tossing and turning over whether we’d ever move into an apartment, and my heart was racing for two weeks straight. When I got on the scale at home, I weighed 5 pounds less than I did before I was pregnant with mini. 5 pounds! I was shocked. I haven’t worked out in about a century, and I’ve been way too busy to worry about dieting — stress at work on the body, I suppose.
+Sitting with a dear friend, commiserating over our eerily similar moving experiences to NYC, I told her: “I’m a stress ball — I’ve even lost weight.” She sighed, and said, “Hey, there’s a silver lining — the NYC Moving Diet. Maybe I should go through it again for that reason.” Her thinly disguised envy shocked me a little because this particular friend is tall and slender and very self-confident. It called to mind that line in Devil Wears Prada, “I’m one stomach flu away from my ideal weight.”
It’s odd, you know — I spent the better part of my teens and twenties counting calories and beating myself up over the occasional hamburger splurge. And that wasn’t healthy. But here I am at the other end of the spectrum — and I wouldn’t say I’m healthy now, either.
I wish I could share a set of optimistic resolutions right now: “I resolve from today forward to get an extra two hours of sleep, to eat quinoa and kale and drink healthy broth in the morning, to do sun salutations when I rise, etc etc etc” — but the truth is, those things won’t happen. Just being real here. But I’ll make some small changes. I’ll go to bed 15 minutes earlier instead of staying up for an extra chapter of reading. I’ll drink more water. (Actually, I not only keep this bedside, but also at my desk, and it truly encourages me to drink more water!)
Anyway, that’s where I stand today. Thought I’d check in with you — how are you doing these many months later, with the holidays (and New Year) just around the corner?
#Shopaholic: The New Jammies
+I can’t help myself when it comes to loungewear and sleepwear. Mr. Magpie has a strict no-PJs-before-8-pm rule that I basically ignore 100% of the time (OK, OK, maybe he’s more of a purist than a pragmatist after all?) — if it were up to me, I’d change into sweats after 6. (I LOVE my Monrow sweats!!!) But anyway — these look right up my alley as a new jammie addition.
+How do you keep your lipsticks organized? Mine are currently in a big makeup bag — I have separate bags for eye shadows and lipsticks. It works, but it’s not exactly the simplest way to find things. I’m thinking about ordering one of these instead.
+These are supposed to be the best oven mitts. I ordered a pair for Mr. Magpie’s stocking.
+GUYS, a whole gift set of my favorite lip balm ever (featured above!!!)
By: Jen Shoop
Last Saturday morning, I walked up Central Park West from my parents’ hotel to the New York Historical Society, about 16 blocks of lovely conversation with my father as I pushed mini in front of us in her stroller. It was unseasonably mild, and my father was in a particularly chipper mood. He’d run five miles through Central Park that morning (at over 70 years old, his daily exercise regimen would put Gwyneth Paltrow to shame) and then enjoyed a fabulous breakfast in his elegant hotel overlooking Columbus Circle. We chatted about this and that — the weather; the bumpy move to New York City; the book he’d just read on Ulysses S. Grant; the disgusting avalanche of sexual harassment stories that has been all over the news; his perspective that this, in tandem with Hillary Clinton’s candidacy for president and the Women’s March earlier this year, are together marking a watershed moment in our cultural history. “This will be the century of The Woman,” he said, thoughtfully. “It’s about time.”
We were heading toward an exhibit on the Vietnam War at the New York Historical Society. A Vietnam War veteran himself, he’s made something of a study of the war over the past decade; he’s written a memoir on his experiences, interspersed with wartime poetry from other generations; read countless books on the topic; and dedicated the better part of his retirement to eradicating veteran homelessness in the nation’s Capital. As we walked into the exhibit, we lingered over a guest book situated at the front entrance, inviting museum goers to answer: “What does the Vietnam War mean to you?” We flipped through the pages together, alternately moved and disgusted by the juxtaposition of notes like: “My Dad came back a different man — he flinches at loud noises and can’t talk about the war to this day. Proud of him, but sad to see we’ve not learned any lessons from the experience” alongside “I LOVE HARRY STYLES.” In other words: the hoi polloi speaking, volubly, through the pages of this book.
My father left a thoughtful note, identifying himself as a proud member of the 82nd Airborne division of the US Army, and proceeded through the exhibit studiously, pausing to study artifacts, commenting on his perception of them, sharing bits of his own experience.
As we neared the exit, he paused for some time over a section on the invasion of Cambodia. He turned to me said, “My commanding officer told me, two weeks before I was supposed to fly home, that he wanted me to head to Cambodia. We were planning to invade. Two weeks before I was supposed to get home. I resigned myself to the fate, and then a platoon mate — a buddy of mine –”
And then he stopped short, and touched my arm, and looked down, gathering himself.
“He said — Nurmi’s due to fly home in two weeks. Let me go instead.”
He touched his hand to his heart.
There, in the quiet and somber embrace of a polished-floor museum, watching my father’s eyes mist over and hearing this quiet and uncelebrated story of casual wartime heroism and generosity, I felt my heart break in four different places, and it occurred to me how urgent these exhibitions are — how necessary, how restorative, how vital. Here, with the common ground of a sanitized and educational proceeding in front of us, my father could confront a painful past and I could begin to understand it, and him, better.
My father’s story — and some of the other stories I’d read on placards, like the one about a Catholic priest who had courageously walked through enemy fire to get to the rest of his platoon in order to offer final rites to the dying, jeopardizing — and losing — his life in the process — also reminded me that sometimes the most painful, trying parts of our lives — of our TIMES — are dotted through with realizations about the goodness of people. My father could have left the exhibit indignant about the war, or bitter about his lot in being drafted to fight in a war he opposed, or upset at the reminder of how he was treated upon return (someone spat on him while he deplaned from his service abroad!), but instead, it was this: his deep gratitude to the selflessness of a platoon-mate.
Talk about perspective. All of the woes of the past month seemed to disappear. How could I have been so self-involved? But, at the same time, I couldn’t help but apply the lessons to my own — admittedly cushy and narrow and insignificant — set of recent travails: I thought about how emotionally challenging and physically exhausting the past month has been, but how it has also left me deeply grateful for my parents, who took me under their wing and cared for me, and for my network of readers and friends, who cheered us along, and for my very best friend who, when I thought I was going to have to drive mini and Tilly the 13 hours from Chicago to New York BY MYSELF, said simply: “I’ll fly out and we’ll drive together.” End of story. Can you imagine?! Just throwing her hard-earned vacation days to the wind for a two-day stress-fest at the wheel, all for me. I’m fairly certain that when I look back on this time, I’ll mainly remember her generous offer, and my doting parents, and the kind words shared on this blog.
In short: how critical these exhibitions are, in teaching us lessons big and small, about where we’ve come from and who we are and who we would like to be and not be. Strolling through the exhibit with my father and my daughter left me deep in thought for the better part of the afternoon about the modes of cultural transmission at our disposal.
How odd — how appropriate? — then, that, as I was walking Tilly that afternoon, I walked by a small cluster of protesters in Central Park yelling about damnation day and various religious-political topics. I noticed, with shock and dismay, a boy in their midst who couldn’t have been older than eight holding his own sign, which read — and I can hardly write this — FEMINISTS ARE WHORES.
So, yes, it was a day of deep thought about the transmission of cultural, moral, and political lessons from generation to generation, from parent to child, from my dad to me — and the onus upon me to in turn pass along the right kinds of lessons to my daughter, and in the right kinds of ways. One thing I have long admired about my father is his open-mindedness, his admission that he does not have all the right answers, and his even keel in talking through contentious topics. He is the smartest person I know, but he’s approachable. He changes his mind. He learns. He’s thoughtful. I aspire to his civility and sense of perspective, as it has afforded me a wide berth to wade through complex topics pertaining to religion, mores, politics.
Let’s just say he would never have forced a picketing sign into my hands; his mode of education has always been far gentler.
Moving on from these heavy thoughts, or carrying them with me — my 10 picks for this weekend.
Pick No. 1: The Statement Sweater
I’ve written a fair amount about statement sweaters this season, but I can’t stop — how chic is the cheery red sweater below? A few ways to get the look, all under $100: this $85 steal, this cableknit (which I own in the moss green!), and this amazing find in fabulous winter white.
Pick No. 2: The Cord Organizer
As you may have gathered, I’ve gone a bit of the deep end when it comes to organizing the closets and drawers of our home. I own so many kitchen bins, it’s kinda ridiculous, and my suitcases are essentially a grid of smaller compartments/pouches/compression packs (some good picks here!) — but a designated pouch ($58) for our chargers and earbuds and the like? #Must.
Pick No. 3: The iPhone Case
It’s kinda ironic that I made a snarky comment about gifting iPhone cases recently, because I was recently searching for some home office decor inspiration, and I came across the snap below. The thing that stood out to me about the snap below was not so much the chic desk and chairs, but that Goyard-inspired iPhone case with the sticker letters! I’ve never used a case on my phone (#riskybusiness), but…I think I need this one, and I want to adorn it with Anya Hindmarch leather letter stickers. (Or get the look for less with these, these, or these. I use the latter to adorn a few of my favorite notebooks!)
Pick No. 4: The Dog Toy
Tilly turned two (!) on the 7th, and I was on the hunt for a highly durable chew toy for her (she’s…spirited). Our favorite plush toys for her are by Fluff N Tuff, though we have found that not all Fluff N Tuffs are created equal. For some reason, the duck and the trout lasted much longer than all of the other ones we purchased her, some of which only lasted a day (yikes). So, I am giving this squeaky snake a try, which should be ideal for her favorite game: tug of war. Other items I considered (which will likely find their way into her Christmas stocking): this pig mat, this chew bone, this chew ring, and this rope/ball situation (horrifying, actually — I can just see her sprinting around our apartment with the ball dangling out of her mouth, knocking over ginger jars and the like). All of them got strong marks for durability. Any other recs?
Pick No. 5: The Bow Top
Sorry for all my late entrants into the festive holiday dressing category, but this new arrival ($78) could also be ultra chic for your next holiday gathering, and it’s demure enough to be paired with a pencil skirt for a holiday tea at the club — but fun enough to accompany some distressed denim for drinks with the girls. Speaking of holiday dressing, I wish this hadn’t sold out in my size. With a top knot, a red lip, and my favorite black heels?! YES.
Pick No. 6: The Gucci Belt
I know I’m bandwagoning here, but this is SRSLY The Age of Gucci and I want everything they make. UGH. Including the Gucci belt, which was kind of A Thing with bloggers last year, but I don’t mean wearing it the typical blogger way (aka, with high-waist jeans and a silky camisole and a chunky knit — don’t you feel like you saw this exact look 12091029109 times?). I like the looks below, which feel less trendy and more timeless.
Pick No. 7: The Thermal Tee
The last street style pic above reminds me of a striped thermal waffle-knit tee I wore in a recent Instastory and received a lot of questions about. Unfortunately, the exact shirt I was wearing is a few years old, but I just got one of these solid-colored thermals in the white color from Old Navy ($6?!?!?!) and wear it constantly. The coziest thing to throw on with cashmere joggers for a quick dog walk in the morning.
BTW — check out the whole Moda Operandi shoe sale section; there are INSANE finds, like my favorite Alexandre Birman sandals, on sale for 40% off!
ALSO, if you like the Sanayi 313 look but can’t pull the trigger, consider these bee-adorned
Pick No. 9: The Linen Pinboard
As mentioned above, I’ve been looking for inspiration for my home office decor, and I have recently decided I must have a linen pinboard on my wall to house the clippings and invitations and tags and so forth that I so often hoard in small piles in my drawers, taking some of the snaps below for inspiration:
Finally, how incredible is this silky spotted dress (on sale!)? LOVE. Especially with sleek ankle booties like these (under $100!). TRES PARISIENNE.
By: Jen Shoop
For the past few days, when I am putting mini to bed, she will finish her bottle, smack her lips, and then — often with her eyes closed, on the brink of sleep — reach her arms out for me. I pick her up and she nestles her head onto my shoulder, heaves a deep sigh, and promptly falls asleep.
It kills me.
I think that Santa will look kindly on this little babe this Christmas.
It’s been a lot of fun shopping for her for the holiday. Below are some amazing items I’d love her to see under the tree — click on the image to be taken to details!
Christmas Gift Ideas for Minis
A couple of notes:
+Thank you to my readers for writing in on this post — I would love to buy mini a classic Corolle baby doll (Corolle is a French toy line that has been around since 1979), but she’s a little young/small for one right now. Thanks to a reader, I discovered Corolle Minis! I’ll be buying this one for mini for Christmas. Every girl needs a babydoll!
+I CAN’T WAIT TO BUY MINI ONE OF THESE BABY PRAMS. OMG OMG OMG. EPIC.
+Speaking of epic, not shown above, but one of the best gifts I recall receiving as a child was a dollhouse. This one is amazing.
+I saw this Clara doll from the Nutcracker and DIED. I ordered it on the spot. I think I’ll save it for a few years down the road, when I take mini to the Nutcracker for the first time. SO ADORABLE.
A couple of other Christmas gift ideas for the minis in your life — this time more gender-neutral, and several of them TRES over the top:
+These pretend stainless steel pots and pans are hilarious. So bougee: “Check out my child’s faux All Clad pots. If only they came in a copper color as well, so we could replicate that Mauviel life.” HA! But seriously, they get very, very good reviews. Now you just need this ridiculous play kitchen, which is nicer than any kitchen I’ve ever owned, farmhouse sink, brass hardware, and Viking-style range included. Very…ambient style, n’est-ce pas?!?!?!
+I didn’t include one of these in the collage above, but anything from Radio Flyer — like this timeless wagon — is bound to be a hit. Last year, we bought our godson this Radio Flyer ride-on rocket (no longer available, but this is similar), and he loved it!
Christmas Jammies
Finally, it’s not too late to order Christmas jammies for your babies! Below, a few of my favorite picks, at all different pricepoints:
+WALLET FRIENDLY (UNDER $15): Old Navy has some seriously cute holiday print jammies right now — I love this dog print and this string light print, but this striped pair replicates the Hanna Andersson striped jammie look that everyone and their mom owns (but for way less!)
I took a long stroll through Central Park with a lovely woman (ahem, a badass lawyer and mom and all-around kind person) I met through this blog.*** As we pushed our babies through the park, trading stories and experiences about being new moms juggling careers and marriages and the curiosities and ailments of our children, she mentioned that she loves the way I write about Mr. Magpie–that she feels similarly about her husband, and that she relates dearly to the dynamic I capture. I thought on this for a few days, as I don’t feel that I dedicate a lot of blog space specifically to Mr. Magpie, aside from this love letter to him, which I occasionally reread and which invariably leaves me tearful. (Two sisters texted me after reading it, and one wrote: “I read your post. I cried a lot. Like a lot a lot.” The other wrote: “You captured him perfectly. But never write that again. [SOBBING EMOJI FACE.]) But there’s no mistake: he’s woven in throughout, so often the reasonable anchor to my recountings of the emotional vicissitudes of a 30-something woman still learning to become an adult. It led me to wonder about the other people and beliefs and forces in my life that operate similarly in this writing outpost, whose presence casts long shadows over my self-expressions.
***If you also live in New York, please be sure to scroll to the bottom!
****Unrelated, but the simple letterpress cards above are from this Etsy shop.
And one of those has to be — must be — language. My longtime, occasionally combative, romance with language.
How I recoil in disgust from overly-used pop-lit phrases like “the lip curl” (scroll down to the #turbothot; another one I hate? “Plop” as a verb — as in, “she plopped down on the couch.” How unseemly! Never describe me as plopping onto anything, pls and thank you.)
But there’s another class of language that I obsess over: the turns of phrases I’ve picked up in conversation with people far more eloquent than I. I’ll hear someone use an elegant expression in the middle of conversation, and I’ll gravitate towards it, magpie-like, picking it up tenderly, turning it over, carrying it back into the nest for future use. I’ll wonder when I might be able to parade it around in the future, and then wait, cautiously, to see whether people express any modicum of emotion at its debut in my lexicon. There are a few phrases that spring to mind when I think about this category of speech:
+”My privilege.” Just after my c-section, my mother cared for me in the most humbling of ways. She helped me step into underwear. She helped me breast-feed mini. She held my hand. She smoothed my hair. She folded down the sheets of my bedding every night. (Ah, my. I can’t write that without my eyes welling up: the thought of her quietly going to my bedroom, turning on the bedside table lamp, folding down the bedding for me. What selfless kindnesses I have been privy to in my life at the hands of this woman!) At one point, I asked her to do something truly embarrassing for me — I can’t remember if it was purchasing milk of magnesium or picking up a dirty tissue I couldn’t bend over to pick up — and I said, “I’m so sorry you have to do these things for me.” And she said: “My pleasure — no, my privilege.” I was gobsmacked by this phrase. I was also thrilled when, a few months later, my sister gave birth and invited me into the hospital room to meet my new nephew, and she kept thanking me and apologizing for the brevity of the stay, and I was able to say: “This is my privilege.”
+”I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” I was relaying to my sister-in-law the ins and outs of deciding whether to have a scheduled c-section when I discovered that mini was breech — I had to decide, in 24 hours, whether I wanted to try a cephalic version, where the doctor attempts to manually flip the baby around by pushing on your belly and leaving you, in the words of my doctor, “a little beat up.” The procedure requires an epidural and has about a 50% success rate. It was either this, or resigning myself to a scheduled c-section to avoid the stress and discomfort of a procedure that might not work. My sister-in-law, who has had multiple c-sections and knew what was on the other side of the decision, chose not to lecture or share her experience or offer a perspective. Instead, she said: “I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Whatever decision you make is the right one.” I’ve long loved her for that unobtrusive and empathetic turn of phrase, and have used it dozens of times when I want to show my support but not advance a perspective. I’ve had friends going through IVF, major illnesses, serious career changes, and challenges with spouses, and I have no idea what to say to them, not having been there myself. I don’t know whether to say, “Damn, this sucks” or “Let’s be optimistic!!!”, and I find the kind, calm empathy of an “I’m so sorry you have to go through this” walks the perfect line between them.
+”Pain is pain is pain.” I’ve written about this before, but one of my dear friends had a truly traumatic, near-death birth experience when bringing her daughter into the world. Months later, I had the callousness to mention that I’d found the recovery from mini’s c-section more challenging than expected. I immediately regretted what I’d said. I’d had a healthy baby and a very straight-forward recovery process. She had lost her uterus and, very nearly, her life. I apologized for my flippancy. She shushed me and said, “Oh no. Pain is pain is pain.” I’ve loved her for this, for her graciousness in the face of my insensitivity, but also for her humbling sense of perspective, the acknowledgment that our experience of pain shouldn’t be thought of as greater or less than another’s — pain is pain. I’ve used this in many conversations since, when I find a friend or sibling undercutting the expanse of their own feelings too quickly, minimizing their emotions. “Oh, but, you know — it’s not like xyz happened…” or “I know I’m making too big a deal of this when xyz had abc happen.” I’m happy to trot out: “But pain is pain is pain.”
+”I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time.” Have you ever written a condolence letter? They’re borderline impossible to pen. It feels as though there is nothing worth saying. There are no words that could possibly meet the enormity of the loss at hand. In these situations, I turn to the carefully-penned condolence card I received from a very sweet classmate of mine during my junior year of high school. (Yes, high school!) My grandfather had passed, and somehow this had been announced during morning prayer intentions. A classmate of mine wordlessly handed me a card in black ink on crisp ivory stationery in her perfect, tiny handwriting a few days following. It read:
Dear Jen,
I was so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time.
Yours, Cristina
I remain in awe of this note, so thoughtful and charitable and classy, and so tender-hearted and elegant at the same time. The “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” creates a vacancy for the depth of emotion you experience in grief. It doesn’t attempt to soothe with cloying platitudes, or ply with Pollyanna-like language. It’s generous.
I’ve copied this note verbatim to friends and family members enduring the loss of a loved one.
Also, let’s applaud: a sixteen year old wrote this.
On reflection, a lot of these phrases are particularly useful in times where words typically fail me — where they don’t seem enough, or I can’t quite say the right thing. These are my safety net phrases.
What are yours?
ALSO: a few recently and frequently asked questions I’ve fielded, especially over Instastory (thanks for following along):
Q: Where do you get mini’s tights?
A: I love Jefferies Socks’ baby tights, especially the cableknit ones. They’re a little pricey for baby tights, but they’re very well made and look just as good after dozens of washings. I tend to like the baby tights with a little weight/texture to them — so I also like these by Gap, though they don’t stand up as well to the washing machine over time.
Q: How functional is the J. Crew cape you rave about? I’ve had to return capes because they aren’t practical with children.
A: You are a wise woman. The cape has been great for mild winter days when I’m pushing mini around in the stroller. The cape has been not so great for days when I’m running errands solo — you can’t really put a purse over your shoulder while wearing the cape, or the front flips up and it’s ugly. I typically wear my cape when I know I’ll be strolling with mini and therefore will be hands-free (and will have a place to keep my bag), when I’m running down the street with just my card holder (on sale!!) to get coffee, or when I’m entertaining at home.
Q: How comfortable are the Gucci Princetown loafers? And do you think they’ll go out of style soon?
A: I have gotten SO many questions about these loafers over time. My personal opinion is that — of all the trendy splurges I’ve featured and made — they’re worth it. First, they’re insanely practical if you’re pregnant or a mom or just a busy badass. No fussing with laces or socks or anything. You slide and go. (Great for when you’re nine months pregnant and can’t bend over, or when you’re recovering from a c-section, etc, etc. Seriously! They were life-savers.) Second, because they’re a riff on the classic Gucci loafer, I trust they’ll have more staying power than your average trend. I find them incredibly comfortable, but you do need to break them in over the course of maybe a month. They’re beautifully made and have the most gorgeous, supple leather — but you do need to sort of loosen the leather a bit. I find that they run true to size.
Q: How do you do your hair?!
A: UM, this question is my favorite ever because it implies that you like it and I have never had good hair, or a hairdo for that matter, until about two months ago. But the key ingredients are a 1″ Hot Tools curling iron (the best the best the best and they last foreverrrr — make sure you get the one with the gold barrel; don’t get any of the colored/ceramic ones!) and this texturizing spray. Also, pro-tips: curl your hair away from your face, don’t curl the ends, and don’t touch your hair once you’ve curled it until it’s TOTALLY COOL. Then run your fingers through it for that Kate Mara vibe.
Q: What nail polish colors are trendy right now?
A: I have seen a lot of girls wearing dark, glossy burgundy manicures lately, and I love it. I exclusively wear Essie’s Gel Couture polishes — they’re not actually gel/no-chip manicures, but they last for at least a week, and I am REALLY hard on my nails. (I am constantly washing bottles and cooking!) The technicians apply the color directly to your nail and then apply top coat (no base coat!) Give it a try! Anyway, I like Essie’s Gel Couture in the deep burgundy “Spiked with Style” color, but my manicurist suggested I try the similar, but more purple-hued “Gala-Vanting” and that one looked great, too. Wicked and the other dark dark colors are always trendy this time of year, but I’ve never been a huge fan — they look a little vampy on me. I’m more likely to go bright, bright red at this time of year; bright red never goes out of style! I love Essie’s Rock the Runway.
FINALLY, and I realize I’m running long on NAIL POLISH (ughhh), I was getting my nails done last weekend and the CHIC-EST CHIC PEA strolled in wearing a Cartier Tank watch, cashmere sweater, and perfectly-cut jeans with these fur-lined moto books that sort of looked like Jimmy Choo’s Youth boots, but had fur. I haven’t been able to find the exact pair, but they’re in the same family as these or these — not something I’d usually gravitate towards, but they looked absolutely FAB on her. Anyway, she waltzed in and I sized her up as a Essie Wicked kind of gal, but then she asked for Fiji or Mademoiselle, and the classic pale pink looked so lovely on her that I almost changed my color on the spot!
Q: What’s a good anniversary gift for my husband? Want to spend under $250.
OK, don’t kill me for crushing your budget right out the gate, but I have recommended to many friends the Filson briefcase ($325). BELIEVE ME, a man needs a briefcase. He’ll be so happy he has it! No matter what his profession! And the Filson brand/style is like catnip for most men — it’s rugged and sporty enough not to look affected, durable, and also very stylish. It seems equally at home on the preppy set as it is on the hipster bike-to-work babe. I found it on sale for $220 here in the black! Mr. Magpie is a major cook, so new cookbooks or kitchen gadgetry (people love this burr grinder) is always a good option for him. New technology in general excites him — I’m contemplating getting him the latest Apple TV (we also have — and prefer — the Roku for streaming, but you can’t stream any Apple stuff on it, and we’ve bought TONS of movies on Apple, so we need both! UGH! But the Roku has a better interface and you can stick it right into the TV’s port, so you don’t have a separate piece of equipment dangling down, cluttering your media console), airpods, and this cool WiFi video doorbell. Also, he’s legitimately obsessed with making our home a “smarthome,” so our phones control our lightbulbs thanks to Hue and, in our old home, the thermostats thanks to Nest. Those were both great gifts for him that he legitimately tore into and eagerly set up.
Q: I’m going to a cocktail event and want to look really fashion-forward. I’m always stuck in the same rut and want to step out of my comfort zone. What would you wear?
Love this! Go you! There are a few labels that always push me out of my comfort zone — check out The Reformation (and pay attention to the styling! They do a GREAT job styling, down to their shoes and makeup! Replicate!), MISA (this and this and this!), and Veronica Beard (this with black booties?! or this with kitten heels?!). I’m also a sucker for everything by Self Portrait, which always has interesting shapes and fabrics. This one is on sale and would be SO stunning, and this one is darling and such a fun and unexpected print, and ALSO on sale! Finally, And Other Stories always has unique statement pieces at a reasonable pricepoint, like this dress or this dress. I also like the way this dress is styled, with suede OTKs, but could also imagine wearing it with opaque black tights and some black pointed toe pumps! I guarantee no one else will be wearing one of those!
Q: I am stumped trying to purchase two Baptism gifts for baby boys of very close friends. I know you’ve mentioned that you are Catholic on the blog, so I was wondering if you could pass along a few gift ideas?
A: I almost always purchase the same set of 2-3 religious books for any baby Baptism —
+Most parents love this one in particular; I read it to my daughter almost every night!
You could just leave it at that (I promise, parents will love having those! I take them to Mass with me to entertain mini, and it makes me feel good that they’re non-secular), but here are some other gifts I’ve given if you’re looking for something to pair them with, or something more substantive:
Other items with a religious bent…
+Dish with baby’s name on it — I’ve given and received this, and it’s a lovely keepsake and can be part of the ceremony.
+My mom gave my daughter this cross and we hung it over her door frame in her bedroom. I don’t know if it’s just my family, but we always hang crosses over door jambs.
+Anything sterling silver from Tiffany. You’ll be the fanciest schmanciest person ever if you gift something from here. I received this baby comb for mini and it is one of my most beloved possessions of hers! (Incidentally, it’s quite a good comb — very fine-toothed! We use it every night after bath. Mini is a fancy pants.)
******A propos of this post on language and its many restorative purposes, I thought I’d conclude by sharing a little thought I’ve been tossing around with a few readers who live in NY: what are your thoughts on gathering in person for a book club meeting after the new year? We can pick a book and discuss and also obsess over how well-dressed we all are. HA! But seriously — if you’re interested in potentially joining, drop me an email at jennifer@thefashionmagpie.com and I’ll begin to think on details, like an appropriate book and a possible venue. The prospect of this convening leaves me very excited because a) I feel like I know a lot of you already, and I owe you a BIG ONE for all of the advice and wisdom and support you’ve shared, and b) I love book clubs, and c) there’s a little part of me that I left behind when I finished my teaching assistantship at Georgetown that I miss: moderating great conversations with open minds about language and its many mysteries and enchantments.
By: Jen Shoop
I’ve waited a long, long, LONG time to write this post and I couldn’t be prouder: this month’s woman of substance is the designer, sustainable fashion expert, and entrepreneur Christina Castle of the fashion line Dagny London.
She also happens to be my best friend and sister.
Where to begin?
I’ll start with her chops: after graduating with top honors from Miami of Ohio, Christina pursued an advanced degree from the esteemed Parson’s School of Design in New York City. She has since designed for Mara Hoffman, Tucker by Gaby Basora, and Haute Hippie in New York, and later for Vilshenko and Paloma Blue in London. As the Design Manager of Mara Hoffman, she spearheaded sustainable design and fabric initiatives, learning the value of responsible fashion and the damage of traditional industry practices. She is now founder and creative director of Dagny London. She designes Dagny for women who, like her, want to dress responsibly, but without compromising their unique style, love of color, and high standards for tailored fit and luxury fabric. Dagny, which means “new day” in Scandinavian, offers women a collection of beautifully designed, consciously sourced, and ethically-made garments. (The pictures throughout this post are from her latest collection, including the ones below, which are of my favorite pieces: the Dalia dress (that print!!!), the Gaby blouse, and the Sophie blouse.
Off the record, Christina is also an accomplished cook, globe-trotter, and the best-read person I know. Most people who know her would quickly cite her arch and self-deprecating comedic talents when enumerating her many virtues: there is no one in the world who makes me laugh harder, often much to the annoyance of friends and family, as we are wont to saunter off into our own world of inside jokes that in turn disrupt movies, serious conversations, and the like. She is capable of bringing out the cheekiness in even the most staid of audiences, and can transform a high-stress moment into one of shared laughter. She brings out the silliest part of my personality. [Ed. note: When I was initially drafting this post, I wrote a sequence of vignettes that showcased her naughty and hilarious sense of humor, but quickly realized that they would make little sense to the outsider. But I will share this, as a representative sample: When I was 18, and she was 14, we were playing with a makeup set my mother had gifted me. She told me to “just close my eyes and trust her.” I did. When I opened them, she’d painted on a Charlie Chaplin mustache and fluorescent blue eye shadow.]
But mainly, she is all heart.
She is the heartbeat of our family: the first person each of my siblings would call in an emergency, the trusted confidante, the tie that binds. When my Dad stood to toast her at her Very Chic and Very New York wedding, he concluded his remarks by saying: “But, there’s this: you can always count on Christina.” And it was true: she’s the steady force of love and support that’s seen me through countless emergencies, both of the inane and consequential varieties. She’s the middle of the night call. She’s the bailout. She’s the drop-everything-and-fly-at-great-expense-via-the-redeye-to-get-to-you-when-you-need-her. She’s the sure thing.
Her deep sense of accountability extends to other areas of her life, as well: though her modesty precludes any self-promotion on this front, she is an excellent scholar, a disciplined employee (I’ll venture to bet that she’s never missed a deadline or shirked an assignment in her life), and, now, a highly principled entrepreneur whose new venture is predicated upon her vision for a more responsible, sustainable industry. She has set firm company-wide sustainability benchmarks, such as geographically streamlining her supply chain, joining key sustainable organizations, acquiring sustainable certifications, and instigating zero-waste policies.
She is true blue, honest, ethical. This means that she is both the most trustworthy and loyal of friends and colleagues, and that she does not suffer fools kindly; you do not want to be on her shit list. Nearly a decade of life as a New Yorker has only intensified this in-born mentality: she is next to impossible to dupe or swindle, and she’s wary of the outsider. But once you’re in, you’re in for good. And you should see her on the streets of Manhattan: a thing of beauty, she walks quick-step with a sense of purpose, taking in everything around her without betraying the slightest wisp of emotion. “Yep, there’s a man peeing on the subway tracks, nothing to see there, ho hum,” and “very nice, very nice, a covert drug operation happening to my right,” as she click-clacks her way to work, navigating the crowds with astonishing lightness of foot, her all-seeing eyes shielded by enormous shades and her face impressively impassive. She might actually have no idea where she’s going, but you’d never guess it: she’s poised, composed, on a mission.
Her sense of conviction is only further amplified by her passion. When my brother-in-law read the wedding vows he had written to her, he said that of the dozens of possible adjectives he’d jotted down when thinking of her, the one that came to the top of the list was passionate. He loved her passion for everything in her life — for the perfect Sunday night roast chicken, for the movies and songs she loves, for the latest must-have item on her lust list, for her dreams, which she has so valiantly pursued. There’s nothing tepid about Christina.
One might think this deeply-engrained sense of rectitude and purpose would make strange bedfellows with her wicked sense of humor, but it all works perfectly together, and the result is a beautiful spirit that I am fortunate to call my absolute best friend in the world. No one knows me better. No one. I feel so deeply connected to her that I occasionally forget if something happened to me or to her — “wait, did that creepy guy at Pony Bar hit on you or me?” “Remember when I fell down the stairs after that date function? Oh wait, that was you.” I can’t recall where her stories end and mine begin.
I could write a good hour or two more about this magical soul, but I’ll cut myself off here and instead point you in the direction of her gorgeous new collection for her new label, Dagny London. You can keep up with her by becoming a #dagnydarling and following Dagny on Instagram, and get to know her better by reading her responses to my Proust Questionnaire below.
Your favorite qualities in a woman.
Honesty and sense of humor.
Your favorite heroine.
Easy. Lady Hermione Granger. Next question.
Your main fault.
Stubbornness and holding onto grudges because of my stubbornness.
Your greatest strengths.
Determination and loyalty.
Your idea of happiness.
A long family dinner at home, with all my siblings and their partners. A dinner (prepared by Mr. Magpie) with lots of wine, where the conversation and laughter stretches late into the night. And twinkle lights all around us.
I don’t want this to come off snarky, but some of the gift guides I’ve seen floating around showcase…dubious gifts. Like, the featurettes always look so fetching and stylish, but when I think about it, I wonder: “Would I actually give someone an iPhone case or a pair of sneakers?” No…no I wouldn’t. I also don’t know anyone aside from my husband that I’d drop over $100 or maybe $150 on a Christmas gift for, and a lot of the guides feature *splurge* items like $350 cashmere throws. Who are these people who gift so generously?!?!? Can I be their friends, too?!
So below are gifts I am planning on actually giving the people I love in my life, mixed in with a few items I would give them if we didn’t do a Pollyanna Christmas in our family (there are so many siblings and siblings-in-law, we were all spending a fortune on gifts, so we decided we’d each draw one sibling/sibling-in-law’s name and buy him/her a nice gift instead):
For a new parent — I’d easily get this for my sister, who just gave birth to her second son: 7AM Enfant Stroller Gloves ($40). These things are basically my best friend. I’ll pre-empt your question by saying that these are better than actual gloves because the number of times I’d remove my gloves to adjust something on mini or feed her a cracker or bottle or get something out of my baby bag is, like, a lot. These mean you’re not tucking your gloves under your arms as you’re doing these things. Sounds silly, but really does simplify life. Plus, they’re luxurious and bougee. I got mine in basic black (all black errrrrythang), but I like these heathered ones, too.
For a well-traveled sibling — I have been eyeing these chic packing cubes ($55) for my insanely stylish sister who lives in London and travels basically every weekend all around the world, both for work (she’s a badass entrepreneur and I can’t wait to share what she’s working on soon) and for pleasure. Like, she’ll FaceTime me on any given Saturday from the Canary Islands. “Ho hum, we just popped over here for a night.” GET OVER YOURSELF. Just kidding, I’m incredibly jealous. And these cubes will help keep all your chic clothing organized. Y’all KNOW I am obsessed with packing cubes, and these from Amazon are incredible, but there’s something a little more stylish, less utilitarian about these ones from Paravel. My only wish is that you could monogram them in the corner — the PVL comes standard.
For the talented cook — Mr. Magpie gifted me this exact Shun knife ($69) for Christmas a few years ago, and it was a brilliant addition to our Shun knife set. (We’re Shun enthusiasts — Mr. Magpie loves the heft of the handle; if it’s too heavy for your taste, try Globals). This particular Shun knife is specifically for slicing bread and tomatoes, which sounds weirdly specific but gets a TON of use in our home. And I can pretty much guarantee you that even the most fancy of cooks will not have this knife — it’s so specific. But SO USEFUL.
For the techie — If I’d drawn my brother-in-law, I would 100% have bought him this cool wi-fi enabled video doorbell ($100). It gets strong reviews and I can just imagine how happy it would make him.
For a beauty snob — I’m thinking along the lines of my bestie or my mother for this one, but I’m considering buying them either a box of 30 m-61 power peels ($62) — MY NEW OBSESSION IN LIFE — this Tata Harper skincare kit ($75), or a small La Mer cream ($85). I bought the latter for my sister on her 30th birthday and she flipped out — it’s not something she would ever splurge on for herself. My only gripe with cosmetics is that they look so small and dinky. Be sure to wrap yours in cellophane with an enormous satin bow.
For an avid reader — I wish to God I’d bought a Kindle before this year. The last two months notwithstanding, I was reading between 5-10 books a month thanks to this magical piece of equipment. Can’t recommend this as a gift enough to a luddite book-lover like myself who has been reluctant to try the e-reader route.
For your gifted-with-great-hair sister: Does everyone else have these? All three of my sisters have way better hair than I do, and all three would look amazing in this pearl-encrusted headband ($50 — SOLD OUT; new version here), but all three would scoff at the pricetag if purchasing for themselves. I might throw in my latest haircare obsession alongside it — it comes in a mini size! — or my favorite travel brush ($10).
UPDATED 12/18: I’d also recommend this satin pillowcase, which I recently gifted my best friend for her birthday, and apparently prevents hair breakage and bedhead, while extending your blowout. She was super excited about it; in her words: “it’s a luxury I’d never buy myself.” It comes beautifully packaged, too. If the price tag on that one is a little steep, opt for this one from Drybar.
For your design-loving stay-at-home-mom-friend: I’m thinking of my sister-in-law here who loves the Scandi vibe and cares for two babies at home and therefore needs all the coffee. This chic mini saucepan ($49) is perfect for heating up milk in the morning to serve with your coffee. Also, I’ve learned with time that the mini versions of most kitchen utensils/implements/pots are EXTREMELY HELPFUL. I use my half-size cutting board and baking sheet DAILY and my mini-whisk and ramekins as frequently. You might include my go-to frother with it, or maybe some really good coffee beans.
For a co-worker / friend / etc who you don’t want to spend more than $25 on —
+I find a cookbook is usually well-received by any gender if they’ve expressed interest in food/cooking, which is pretty common nowadays. I’ve shared my favorite cookbooks here, but think this one would be an especially attractive gift for a girlfriend. You could always throw in some good vanilla or sea salt to round out the gift.
+For a tea enthusiast — there’s always one in your office or among your friends! — people lose their minds over this loose tea filter ($15) and I lose my mind over all the ridiculously delicious teas at David’s Tea. I got into a MAJOR tea obsession during my pregnancy and spent a fortune on loose tea here. I gifted my mother in law a sampler and she LOVED it — we were both surprised that we enjoyed the cheesy sweet sounding ones. They’re all so good! I even got Mr. Magpie briefly hooked on my tea obsession. At any rate, the tea filter and a nice tin of loose leaf tea would be a fab gift. Or, you can buy a pack of one-time use filters, which I have used for a long time. There’s something soothing about the ritual of measuring out your scoop of tea and putting it in your own little sachet. Also, people say this loose leaf tea is basically the best.
Miscellaneous + Stocking Stuffers
+I know this is random, but I’m thinking of buying my bedside carafe for my mother or maybe my mother-in-law. It’s definitely random, but it’s such a lovely everyday (or, everynight) luxury. It makes me feel like I’m living in a hotel.
+Mr. Magpie and I love giving little kitchen gizmos and implements to one another in our stockings. These are the best peelers and could easily make their way into a stocking.
+For a cook who does not yet have a cookbook stand…this would be a great and very useful gift.
+I gifted my brother-in-law this terry sweatshirt ($45) last year, and he loves it. It comes in great colors and wears well. Incidentally, my sister would love receiving a few of these basic tees in good colors — what a great gift!
