Five stars.  In this epic re-imagining of the myth(s) of goddess Circe, Madeline Miller recasts a sorceress best known for transforming sailors into pigs in The Odyssey into a deeply empathetic, deeply human woman.  The writing is spring-loaded, pungent.  She favors metaphor over simile, and the payoff is huge: the prose moves with lean agility, propelling us breathlessly forward as we leap from imagistic line to imagistic line (a favorite: when she describes Odysseus as “The spiral shell.  Always another curve out of sight.”  (!!!))  This pacing urgency, this inexorability of plot, in fact seems to me one of the most remarkable achievements of the book: the conjuring of the present, awash in the interminable, unknowable, terrifying hopeful promise of what comes next.  Miller delivers to us only what Circe knows and feels at a given moment, singly revealing to us what is within her ken.  It is only over time, looking back over our shoulders, that we learn her mistakes and puzzle over the reflection we are able to glean through the interpretations of others, whether from Odysseus through the voice of Penelope or Pasiphae telling Circe that she hung too close to their father as a child.  This achievement is startling in the sense that — for those of us who have read the classics, and even many who have not — the storylines are familiar and we know how plot lines will end.  And yet I found myself anxiously hanging on every word, the imagery, the psychology so harrowing and new.

Many Magpies have already commented on and applauded the feminist slant of this work.  At one point, reflecting on her relationship with Odysseus, Circe herself states: “Later, years later, I would hear a song made of our meeting. I was not surprised by the portrait of myself, the proud witch undone before the hero’s sword, kneeling and begging for mercy. Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime for poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep.”  This book sets out to prove the opposite.  The female characters in this book are strong, empowered, and independent, their spirits and desires as wide and formidable as any man’s.  I think of Athena, of Medea, of course of Circe, and in particular of Scylla, that “bitch with a cliff for a heart.”  (Wow.)  Her enormous proportions, her nine-headedness, her insatiability, the fact that she kept her legs tucked into the side of a mountain so seafarers never fully understood the extent of her size — and that searing image of her falling limbs striking the water with tidal force when she is finally killed.  And then the recurring phrase Circe utters throughout the book: “you do not know what lies within me.”  It’s not quite posturing, either; she never fully knows the extent of her powers, even — or especially — when she realizes that her magic is more about will than anything else.  There are multiple points at which Circe is unsure of whether a particular spell will work or not; she, too, is unsure of the depths of her own determination, her own power.  But she uses this to her advantage, even maneuvering her selfish, hot-headed (pun intended!) father Helios to lift her exile by gesturing to the fact that he does not know what she is capable of.

This shapeless potency of Circe’s, the unknowable depth of her strength, is central to everything in the book, a kind of key to understanding what’s happening throughout.  Circe is part nymph, part god — not fullway either.  She is ejected by and disowned from her family, even before Helios makes the split official by exiling her — and yet she is still understood and identified through her familial connections.  She is jealous and cunning and vengeful, but also fair-minded and empathetic and compassionate.  She lives on an island far from much of the action of the world in which she lives, but she also embroils herself in much of its acrimony.  In other words, she is liminal.  Importantly, though, her liminality is wholly distinct from the kind to which she was relegated in The Odyssey, where she is presented as “yet another one of Odysseus’s challenges.”  In The Odyssey, she is the outcast sorceress whom the hero must outwit in order to prevent himself from being transformed into a pig.  What we learn in this retelling, of course, is that Circe has cast this spell not out of crackpot witchery but out of self-defense against the disgusting men who have tried to take advantage of her while alone.  In other words, we move from Circe as the flat ancillary “other” who must be conquered and whose story is wholly subjugated to the Grand Narrative of Odysseus the Explorer to Circe, the round central character whose depths cannot fully be plumbed.  She is unknowable in a different kind of way, even from the first line of the book, which sent shivers down my spine: “When I was born, the name for what I was did not exist.”  In this powerhouse opener, Miller shows us that Circe defies language.  She is so unknowable, she cannot been captured in words.  This is a startling way to open a book, if you think about it: Miller is pointing us to the unsophisticated bluntness of language even as she uses it herself.  There is something profound about the statement here that doubles back on itself when Circe describes her misguided portraits by bards: women like Circe have not yet been achieved in words, have not yet been fully liberated through language.  This book is an attempt to right that wrong, to name things as they are.

Circe Book Club Questions.

+Many of the classics begin in media res, or “in the middle of things.”  The Odyssey, for example, begins halfway through Odysseus’ wanderings rather than at the dawn of the Trojan War, which launched the narrative to begin with.  Madeline Miller’s Circe is more of a genesis story: it opens with Circe’s birth.  Why?

+Similarly, why does Circe’s story end when it does, with unfinished business to attend to, i.e., the state of conflict with her family and the departure of her beloved son?  (Or is there no unfinished business, to your mind?)

+What did you make of the description of Circe’s voice, a source of belittlement by her family and yet an advantage from time to time when she was interacting with mortals throughout her story?  Why was this detail mentioned so many times throughout the book?

+Did you relate to Circe?  At what point(s)?

+What did you make of her string of attractions to mortals — first Glaucos, then Daedalus, then Odysseus, and finally Telemachus?

+What did you make of the whole plot line where she transforms Glaucos into a god and then transforms Scylla into “her true self”?  What are your thoughts on those transformations and on what they revealed to Circe?

+How do you feel about Penelope?  What was her role in the book?

+What was the climax of the book do you think?  Why?  And what does this say about the central battle/challenge that Circe was grappling with?

November Book Club.

I am so torn on the book selection for November that I am going to have the ladies at my in-person book club this evening cast votes.  (Feel free to weigh in below in the comments, too — I’ll weigh your voices equally!)

+Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie.  This book is winning all kinds of awards and the snippet I read was highly captivating.  I am also salivating over this line from the NYT review: “Builds to one of the most memorable final scenes I’ve read in a novel this century.”   Wowza.  The book purports to be about the push and pull of family, personal ambition, and love, with three siblings at its heart.

+An Unnecessary Woman by Rabih Alameddine.  I mentioned at the end of our last book club that maybe we should permit some male authors into our little feminist knot.  This seems a particular piquant choice given the title and the fact that the author is a man who tells a personal narrative from the perspective of an elderly female.  This alone intrigued me.  It has also won dozens of awards.  It is described as “a breathtaking portrait of one reclusive woman’s late-life crisis, which garnered a wave of rave reviews and love letters to Alameddine’s cranky yet charming septuagenarian protagonist, Aaliya, a character you “can’t help but love.”

+The Mermaid and Mrs. Hancock by Imogen Gowar.  This book was effusively reviewed by Madeline Miller herself as “completely transporting.”  It is an imaginative novel set in in 1780s London, when “a prosperous merchant finds his quiet life upended when he unexpectedly receives a most unusual creature—and meets a most extraordinary woman.”  The book “examines our capacity for wonder, obsession, and desire with all the magnetism, originality, and literary magic of The Essex Serpent.”

I’ll update you with next month’s pick tomorrow.  Let’s plan on convening Thursday, November 29th to discuss!  Local New York ladies: email me if you want to be on the list for details for the in-person convening!

Post Scripts.

+I loved Circe so much that I already purchased Ursula Le Guin’s Lavinia, a VERY well-reviewed retelling of Virgil’s Aenid from the perspective of Lavinia, the king’s daughter with whom the hero is destined to found an empire.  I’ve heard much about Le Guin, who is better known for her science fiction works, but never read anything of hers, largely owing to her chosen genre.  (Though, maybe I should try?)  Anyway, I can’t wait to get started on this one but might need a breather from the classics first.

+If Circe were alive today (and…non-mythical), I’m pretty sure she’d be wearing this.

+I wore these hot pink Aquazzura kitten heels to the rehearsal dinner of one of my dearest friends last weekend and got so many compliments on them.  It made me wonder why I don’t wear more hot pink — I used to wear the color all.the.time but have shied away in recent years.  I promptly added this to my Shopbop cart and swooned over these.

+Ordered these for mini.  She had a pair of this brand’s animal boots last year and they are the snugliest, cutest things my eyes ever did see.  Speaking of snuggly animal footwear — OMG.

+Adore these tartan loafers and OMG these tweed ones!

+I love my faux Goyard iPhone case and all, but these ones are SO cute!  Especially love this one and this one.

+I like a good quilted field coat.  Mine is Barbour, but this one nails the look for $40 and this one is everything.

+Very into this oversized blazer situation.

+It’s never too early in my book.  Related: I’m pretty sure I need this.

+THIS JUMPSUIT!  So ladylike and chic.  I want to wear it with black suede pumps and pretend like I work in fih-non-se (finance) for a minute.

+Love this sweatshirt.

+Don’t ask me how, but this chic varsity jacket is somehow marked down from nearly $700 to $144.  LOVE IT.

P.S. Last month’s book club pick, how my book club has taught me how to read all over again, and the best bags for everyday adventures.

I have been vacillating towards two extremes in my cool weather dressing: either predominantly black or ultra feminine.  Today I’m in the latter camp, inspired by feathers, pearls, and sorbet colors, as shown by the moodboard below.

Volume at Cecilie Bahnsen // Feathers at Rochas // Minnow Swim Resort Collection // Loulou de Saison in Erdem // Bows at Delpozo // Pearls by Jimmy Choo (variation here) // gorgeous mini dresses by Estelle Milano

The Fashion Magpie Feminine Moodboard

A couple of items I’m drooling over (click on images to access details or see links and notes below):


+Flower earrings (under $60!);

+Zimmermann sweater (to die — get the look for less with this);

+Tory Burch Clara Flat (adore in this new colorway);

+Rebecca Vallance slip dress (saucy and sweet and importantly ON SALE);

+Wandler handbag;

+Maiami cardigan — just love this color and have been considering this cashmere crew in a similar color;

+Nicola Bathie earrings (<<on sale for under $65);

+Veronica Beard blouse (obsessed — get the look for less with this);

+Alexandre Birman velvet heels;

+White feather dress;

+Loeffler Randall feather clutch;

+Pearl embellished sweater;

+Moncler puffer (love and lust);

+Sorel boots;

+Cashmere beanie;

+Another chic Moncler puffer (loveeeee!);

+Slouch socks.  OK I have to say something about these.  I bought them when I was headed to the hospital to give birth to mini because I heard that you would have to walk up and down the hall in your bare feet if you didn’t — and also that hospitals tend to be cold and you’d want them.  I was initially unsure about these because they are a “slouchy” fit — they don’t stay snug around your calf.  But gradually I have fallen in love with them.  They are the softest, plushest sock EVER and I love sleeping in them when I’m super cold.  Thinking of buying a pair for my mom’s stocking…

+Blanket coat.  Different style, but also love the soft sorbet colors of this cocoon coat!

OK and FINALLY — not shown above: this adorable sweater!!!

P.S.  What makes you feel good about yourself?

P.P.S.  Lessons learned from siblings.

P.P.P.S.  Are you a town mouse or country mouse?

My Latest Snag: Shiseido Facial Cotton.

For months now I have been dissatisfied by one element of my skincare routine: the micellar water step.  Not because of the micellar solution itself, but because of the application experience.  Those cotton round pads are the worst.  They’re either not absorbent enough or too absorbent and I feel like half of the micellar water spills onto my counter or seeps through to my fingers.  And cotton balls aren’t any better — they’re too small and soggy.  It dawned on me one day as I grumped my way through this step of my bedtime routine that I am probably not the first Nobel Laureate to make such a dazzling observation, and that there was probably a solution out there.  Enter Shiseido’s Facial Cotton.  Is this one of those secrets everyone else knows about?!  Over 1000 five star reviews?!  It can’t be true.  I debated between Shiseido and Koh Gen Do’s variation (epic reviews as well) but went with Shiseido because it costs less but seems just as well-loved.  Anyone else on board to up her beauty regimen in the smallest but loveliest of ways?  (FYI: more recent beauty snags here, along with super honest reviews.)

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Feathered Dress.

The most popular items on Le Blog this week:

+Feathered dress OMG OMG.  (A major trend this season!)  But get this: I found the dress on sale here!

+A turtleneck sweatshirt?  Yes pls.  Love the way this novel neckline elevates a standard sweatshirt.

+It’s sweater dress season.

+This sweater keeps almost selling out.  Love this or this as an alternative.

+A perfect holiday dress (maternity friendly too?)

+The prettiest sweater.

+Our new toothbrushes.

#Turbothot: Bloom Where You Are Planted.

I attended an alumni event for my high school a few nights ago and, when my headmaster from days of yore stood and addressed us, he shared that the theme for this academic year, a quote from St. Francis de Sales: “Bloom where you are planted.”

Amidst polite applause and genteel nods, I felt something tighten inside.  My knee-jerk reaction to the quote was: “I don’t like that.”  Are we meant to passively accept the conditions of our lives and “make do”?  I wondered.  What about initiative?  What about planting ourselves where we know we will bloom?  I was startled by the angst of my own reaction.  Where was this coming from?  Blurry impressions of the events of the last five or ten years floated, mirage-like, through my mind — our decision to  move to Chicago, our decision to leave our jobs, our decision to start a business, our decision to buy a home, our decision to start a family, our decision to move to New York.  I realized I was adopting a gesture of defense in running through the zig zag of professional and personal decisions I have made.  I wasn’t planted anywhere, I was thinking, dangling halfway between guilt and haughtiness. I feel a tremendous responsibility for the decisions I have made, for the seeming missteps and also the triumphs.  I am accountable for what I have done in my life.

A meaty breakthrough amidst the clinking of glasses of chardonnay and the trays of crab cakes: this is how I see myself in relation to my life at thirty-four.  There have been other times in my life where I have more strongly sensed God’s hand in all things, big and small, where I have welcomed the prospect of fate: Will I go to graduate school?  Where?  Will we live in D.C. or move?  And it’s not that I don’t believe God is shaping my life now; it’s that, at this time in my life, for whatever reason, I have a powerful conviction that I am an agent of change in my life and that I must own what I do.

Once I had relaxed into this observation, I found the St. Francis quote far more palatable, cottoning to its half-full mentality, to its optimistic emphasis on the adaptability of the human spirit.  And, wouldn’t you know it, I replayed the quote to myself just yesterday, as I found myself inwardly whining about the afternoon walks I take three days a week with mini and Tilly in tow.  I have come to dread these walks because mini has just woken up from her nap and is not in the mood to go straight into her stroller, and so we spend ten minutes wandering around the apartment, me trailing her with snacks and shoes and cajoling words while she putters around, refusing to comply, until an unseemly battle of the wills takes place as I strap her into her stroller.  Meanwhile, Tilly’s whining so much she’s worked herself up into a tizzy that inevitably boils over into a barking session at — who knows, the wind? the sound of wheels down the hallway? a leaf against the window? — and dozens of lunges at the squirrels currently overpopulating Central Park.  As I mentally indexed all of the reasons why I dislike this afternoon walk, I thought about the quote and my cheeks burned.  I realized St. Francis’ quote actually does have a lot to do with owning the conditions of our lives: I have the opportunity to thrive, to mature, to enjoy the circumstances my life if I put my mind to it.

I’ll probably still grumble from time to time when my arm is nearly ripped from its socket for the fourth time in our loop around the ballfields as Tilly lunges after a squirrel, but I also pledge to appreciate this part of our day, squirrels and stroller battles and all.  With applications to twos programs in full swing, I am realizing that my days with just the three of us girls at home are numbered, and that one day I will look back with heady nostalgia about our cozy and slightly chaotic walks through the Park.  Oh, life was crazy and fun, I’ll think as I look over at a graying pooch and a school-aged mini.  And I will regret not having bloomed where I was planted, here right on Central Park in 2018 in an apartment I love with a family I adore.

#Shopaholic: New Must-Have Toy.

+Apparently these are a new craze among the kiddos.

+Gave my mother-in-law a pair of these along with a few other goodies for her birthday this year.  Another great go-to gift if you’re really up a creek.  They are the best, coziest slippers ever.

+Have had a need for “everyday” dresses to wear to various events where the occasion is nothing too fancy, but calls for something nicer than jeans and a sweater.  I love this, this, and this.

+Ordered this.  I’m always looking for soft knits to slip in/pair with my dreamy joggers.

+How chic are these monogrammable notebooks?  I’m normally a devotee of Moleskine cahiers because they have no spine and I’m a lefty or Leuchtterms because I like the hard cover for when I’m schlepping them around in my bag.  But those monogrammable ones have my eye — love their size!  I always like a slightly larger space to write on.

+OK, this is stunning.  Saloni does it again.

+This eucalyptus wreath is amazing.

+How adorable are these ornaments?!

+OMG this coat for a little lass.

P.S. — Had a lot of questions about the faux Goyard laptop case I found on Amazon.  I ordered it in the large because it indicated that its dimensions would fit my 15″ Macbook.  I was impressed with the quality (the zipper was maybe the only part of it that looked cheap) but my laptop would NOT fit!  What a bummer.  On the fence about whether to keep and use as a pouch/clutch situation or return…BUT if you have a smaller laptop, I would definitely recommend it!

 

There is a section of Circe (full review forthcoming but it is gooooooooooood) to which I related deeply.  Circe has just discovered that she possesses magical powers, but it is not until her brother Aetees smugly explains them to her that she understands their extent.  She is startled, maybe a bit chastised, by this discovery and by Aetees seemingly easy grasp of them.  You can see herself refashioning her own image as she digests the information.  Aha, that is who I am.

It calls to mind my father’s casual “you run cool” comment and the way it shaped my understanding of myself.  And it also reminds me of a conversation with my sister many years ago, in her apartment on the Upper East Side (before she got fancy and moved to London).  We were sizing up a friend of ours who had shown some questionable decision-making.

“You know, there are those kinds of people who just seem like they’d run out of their way to help someone else, and others who…well, wouldn’t,” she said.  “Landon is obviously the first kind.  This guy’s the other.”

I relished the second-hand compliment as quickly as I agreed with her.  When I relayed the story to Mr. Magpie, he said: “Really?  She said that?”  And I could see him ticking through his rolodex of memories with my sister, wondering what had given her that (undoubtedly true) impression.

It is a strange thought that others might know us better than we know ourselves, that in many ways we learn who we are through their prism.  How people describe you, what they ask of you, when and why they call on you for advice or support — we spend time wondering about these, reading between the lines.  Is that what she thinks of me?  Why would she think I would get along with so-and-so?  Sometimes I think I could be a handier friend by painting a picture proactively.  I was thinking the other day: wouldn’t it be kind to send a friend a note out of the blue reminding them of — thanking them, really — for their virtues, making sure they see those best bits of themselves when it is easier to focus on the problem areas?  I should do this.

My Dad has told me many times that he sat down one afternoon in his mid-40s and wrote a letter to his own father.  In it, he thanked him, in detail, for his wonderful traits, for his lessons, for his generosities of one kind and another.  “I’m always glad I took the time to write that down,” my Dad has said, and we both nod at what is omitted from that sentence: before he passed away.

I have gotten into the habit of hand-writing thank you notes to my parents every now and then for their extravagant care and love.  I hope they see in these notes the incredible people they are, how deeply good and fair and tender-hearted.  But I could stand to do this more often, too.

So today, I have decided to clear my desk, open my inbox, tap in the name of a dear friend, and let them know why I love them.  Care to join?

#lovelettertoafriend — it’s a thing now?

Post Scripts.

+In case you want to go the extra mile with this, writing a hand-written letter is pretty much le ultimate.  Consider these chic Kate Spade cards, this stunning personalized stationery (<<the liners!!!), this splashy personalized set, or these letterpress cards.

+Gifts for girlfriends.

+Testing a sample of this cleanser I received while away for the weekend.  Full report soon but the reviews are compelling!

+This just arrived (I got the yellow-gold) and it is even better than expected.  I actually can’t believe the pricetag on it — how is it under $150 when so many of their other sweaters are well north of $300!?

+These nubby shoes!!!!  LOVE!  These are the kinds of shoes I can totally legitimize.  On the surface — what?!  They are so specific; I’ll only be able to wear them with like two outfits.  But no no my friend.  These are called “game changing shoes,” meaning when you look in your closet and feel “meh,” you pull on your black skinnies and a black sweater and throw on these shoes and instantly transform yourself into a cool girl.  Done.

+A $51 steal of a cocktail party dress.  Love the idea of this with some simple black pumps.  60s glam.

+Love the dimensions of this nubby sweater.

+OMG THESE FOR MINI ARE SO EXTRA.  Or these for a cool little boy.

+A great, well-priced toggle coat for a little lad.

+A controversial post: the weight of words.

+A heart-warming post: the same and not the same.

What a delightful treat to wake up to news of another royal baby.  (Honeymoon baby?! #Nosy.)  Why are we Americans so interested in the royal family though?  I think it’s partly the externalized social order there (American society is just as stratified but not as explicit about it with titles, lineage, etc?) and partly the fairy tale of it all.  A prince!  A wedding!  A baby!  Mon dieu.  (For fellow royalty admirers, consider the delicious novel The Royal We for a delightful way to pass a weekend, and be sure to follow the Instagram handle @garyjanetti for hilarious royal commentary.)  Anyway, below, I shared some thoughts on gifts fit for Harry and Meghan’s prince or princess…(click images to access details or see links below!)

+Burberry Quilted Jacket.

+Beatrix Potter stuffed animal.

+Classic t-strap shoes.

+Wooden blocks.

+Peter Rabbit baby china set.

+Petite Plume jammies.

+Peugeot ride-on car.

+Lunt piggy bank.

+La Coqueta dress.  I absolutely adore this line of Spanish baby clothing — heirloom quality.  Also adore their knit sets.  (A dress from Luli & Me or Amaia would also be a classic.)

+Hermes booties.  Ultra splurge.  Ralph Lauren’s Briley slippers are also a classic for far less.

+Tiffany comb.  An aunt gave this to mini and it is such a beautiful keepsake.

+Any of the Maileg mice toys are to die for.  My mother-in-law and I swoon over the catalogs and have gone in together preemptively on a few gift sets for future celebrations with mini.

+Little Giraffe chenille blanket.  We received so many blankets when mini was born, but this was our absolute favorite.  It’s still the one mini sleeps with every night.  (And it’s held up well in the wash!)

+Jacquard coat.

+Wicker doll pram.  I mean…!  Fairy godmother gift.

+Peep’s Paper Products baby book.  The most elegant baby book I ever did see.

+De Buci Baby sleepsack.  I wanted one of these badly for mini but never splurged!  What an elegant and extravagant gift.  I love their fabrics.

+Kissy Kissy jammies.  In my opinion, the unrivaled pajama for newborns.  The softest cotton, the sweetest patterns.

+D. Porthault baby pillow.

Not shown above, but equally gorgeous as a baby gift: a classic hardcover book, like The Velveteen Rabbit; a huge stuffed animal; a personalized LLBean tote.

P.S.  I also wrote about the royal children’s attire at Pippa’s wedding awhile ago (so darling) and, more recently, shared a roundup of my favorite sources for formal attire for mini.

P.P.S.  Gifts for friends.

P.P.P.S.  My complete baby registry.

I wouldn’t have thought it a few years ago, but I’ve come around to the denim overall as a wardrobe staple.  And not just any pair of overalls.  These, from Madewell.  I have been asked about them dozens of times, including recently, by several members of my book club who asked where I’d gotten my farmer frans (I wore them to the last book club with a frilly white blouse and my GGs).  They have a magical kind of stretch that elongates and slims the body.  Don’t ask me how or why — just order yourself a pair and revel in the lift and length they afford, and the bedeviling feeling of being a child again.

I also own a pair of white denim overalls I found at Old Navy at all places very similar to these that I lived in during the spring, pairing them with Kule striped tees.

I have been eyeing this pair in black, too, and in case my Madewell tried-and-trues just don’t fit you right, check out these from Free People, which have a similar ethos.

Finally, I saw a pregnant lady rocking a pair of overalls with neon pink (!) high-top (!!) Golden Goose (!!!) sneakers and did a quadruple take.  She looked epically chic.  I think she might have been wearing this pair from Hatch, but there are lots of less expensive options out there, including these, these, and these.

Personally, I like to layer frilly/feminine blouses underneath my joveralls to create visual tension.  There’s something startling and chic about a floral peeking out from underneath some farmer frans.  A few of my top picks for blouses:

THIS JACQUARD SLEEVED STYLE ($50!)

THIS ELEGANTLY DETAILED CHLOE (LOOKS HANDMADE!)

THIS STUNNING FLORAL

THIS EYELET MOCKNECK, WHICH I OWN — LOOKS LIKE AN ULLA!

THIS BLOCK-PRINT, REMINISCENT OF MY SUMMER-LONG AFFAIR WITH SZBLOCKPRINTS

THIS PRAIRIE-CHIC BLOUSE ($39!)

THIS FRILLED SWEATER (GET THE LOOK FOR LESS WITH THIS)

THIS FROTHY WHITE (I OWN A SIMILAR STYLE FROM VERONICA BEARD THAT I WEAR CONSTANTLY)

ANY OF THE TUCKER CLASSIC BLOUSES — MY SISTER USED TO DESIGN FOR THIS LABEL AND I HAVE SEVERAL BLOUSES/DRESSES FROM HERE THAT I STILL LOVE AND WEAR

P.S.  You might also consider any of these.

P.P.S.  Affordable luxuries and fall/winter micro-trends you need to know about.

No, really.  All boots purchased henceforth must be amenable to a predominantly pedestrian lifestyle — and fare well while schlepping mini and a stroller up and down subway stairs.  In other words, they must bear a low or block heel and cannot in any way, shape, or form resemble these impractical beauties of lives past.  True story: I bought those excessively priced Iro stunners three or four years ago and essentially broke my ankles trying to wear them for a full season.  They are impossible to wear!  There is no ankle support so you’re just kind of balancing your feet on a high cone and hoping to God you manage to make it the block to your dinner reservation.  Ah, youthful fashion folly.

Today, I’m sharing my top picks for the best fall 2018 boots.

Top Picks for White Booties.

I’m largely inspired by the vision of chic but practical beauty above, aka Alicia Vikander, aka my number one girl crush.  (She is just…perfect.  And if you like that teddy coat she’s wearing — so do I, and I don’t figure myself as much of a Kate Moss teddy coat type.  She’s wearing Whistles’ Yara coat, but they no longer make it in the nubby fabric.  You might try this instead — more colors here — or this affordable Zara or or this longer style.)  Anyway, white booties aren’t for everyone (I get it), but don’t they look insanely chic?

+These Sam Edelmans nail the Alicia look, and at $140, they won’t make you choke too badly if you end up retiring the white boot style in 2019 or 2020.

+I like the Scandi-sleekness of these by Splendid ($149).  They have an Ikea-like appeal that I cotton to and — i I mean — who can say no to that bow?

+Alexandre Birman’s Kitties.  If you’re going to go big, these are your ticket.

Top Picks for High Boots.

+In general, I like a high-shaft boot.  I’ve been a convert ever since I bought my first pair of Loeffler Randall Matildes, which I still wear to this day.  They are so well-made and so elegantly styled.  You can still find a few pairs (and some at epic prices) on Amazon.  Just a gorgeous boot, and I love the simple little wedge heel.  WTTW: they run narrow.

+I love the 70s slouch of these boots by Steven, and in such great staple colors, too.  Layer over jeans or beneath a flowy floral for fall.

+Flat out gorgeous.  Love the simple embellishment of those three gold dots.  It’s all ya need.

Top Picks for Ankle Boots.

+Y’all know I’m a broken record on this topic, but these Birman beauties are perfection.

+You can get the Birman look for less with these or these.

+These by Taryn Rose are saucy, and I LOVE these snakeskin beauties, chunky heel and all.  And I’m not usually a chunky heel girl.

Top Picks for Shearling Boots.

+I love shearling right now.  How good is this shearling Chanel bag?!  I lust after these by The Row.  They look crazy comfortable and also eye-catchingly different from what you see on the street.  I feel like you’d need long, fawn-like legs to pull them off though.

+I was drawn to these moto boots by Sigerson Morrison.  They’re probably too edgy for my general style, but then again…can you imagine them paired with dark skinnies, a bow-front blouse, and a nubby Chanel-esque jacket?!  TO DIE.

Top Picks for Inclement Weather.

+I love my Sorel Joan of Arctic boots.  I bought them while enduring the winters of Chicago (they are impervious to water and crazy warm) and feel they were well-worth the investment.  I love them in that updated white/cream situation.

+I’m tickled by these snow boots.  They’re retro-fab and would look RIDIC for apres-ski, especially with a bright fair isle sweater.

+These rainboots in the rose color!  Absolutely precious!

P.S.  The ultimate fall wardrobe.

P.P.S.  Grey Goose-esque but without the pricetag.  Also, Veja is a cool brand in its own right so #winwinwin.

P.P.P.S.  The sense of an ending.

*Image above from Claiborne Swanson Frank’s gorgeous photography book on modern motherhood, Mother & Child.

There is an episode of Family Guy where Brian (the dog) finds out he’s a father and seemingly immediately becomes a bleeding heart whenever a child is mentioned.  The subtext is that once someone becomes a parent, she/he also adopts a kind of “concerned adult” persona, emoting around the welfare of children everywhere–and that it’s a little disingenuous, a little haughty.

Mr. Magpie and I loved this snipe when we first watched it, well before mini was a twinkle in our eyes.  It was around the time the first of my friends were having the first of their babies, in my mid to late 20s.  I would watch with bewilderment as friends who had just a few years prior anointed themselves “Queen of Beer Pong,” or flitted from suitor to suitor with the unimpressed, callous air of a goddess among mortals, or involved themselves in the petty drama of twenty-something college grads would suddenly transform into sensitive, mature parents, ones who sent Christmas cards with professional photos on them and posed their children with placards indicating their age or achievements and nodded knowingly to one another about the triumphs and travails of parenting.  I would marvel at their metamorphoses, lingering halfway between disbelief and envy.  How can it happen so quickly?  I would muse, prodding at them in various unkind ways to determine whether it was an act.  Are they Brian-ing?  And at the same time: I want that.

Nowadays, Mr. Magpie will occasionally reign me when I’m wandering into prudish patronizing parent territory:

Me: “Oh my God, but with a baby involved!?!??”

Mr. Magpie: “OK, Brian.”

He’ll also call me out when I’ve talked too long about baby gear or inadvertently bored a guest to tears while talking about preschools (sorry, B).  I appreciate these rejoinders.  They remind me that motherhood is a part of me — not a version of me and not all of me — and also that, for me, matrescence did not happen overnight.  These truths of my motherhood are hard-earned and worthy of frequent revisiting — hard-earned in the sense that it took me time and soul-searching and nontrivial swells of guilt to admit them to myself, so conditioned I have been to expect certain things of my experience as a mother.  In other words, his gentle retorts are a plea for truthfulness.

But the truth is this: it is difficult to hear a story or watch a movie in which a child’s safety is at risk without immediately imagining the worst befalling my own.  I had to stop watching Sharp Objects because I found the topic and imagery sickening to the point of guilt-inducing: why am I watching this?  I don’t even want to think about this.  And when I re-read Arundhati Roy’s The God of Small Things a year or so ago (one of the top 10 books that I believe will change your life), I felt ill the entire way through in a way I hadn’t when I’d read the masterpiece the first and second times.  I was watching the new Jack Ryan series last night and for goodness sakes, damned if I didn’t feel that familiar tug of maternal concern: ohhh, that little girl, Sara!  Get her away from that sooty black-toothed villain!  (If you watch, you know!)  When Sara runs to her mother in pursuit of comfort, I couldn’t help but transpose onto the story the many cries I have quieted in mini, the many tears I have wiped from her cheeks.  I felt something dig in: I will never stop protecting her.  I will never let trouble befall her if I can help it.

One of the great surprises of parenting has been access to deeper channels of empathy.  I feel myself connect with other moms instantly.  Just this past weekend, I saw a new mom struggling to breastfeed her two- or three-week-old baby on a bench in Central Park, and my heart softened for her.  The confusion of those early months, the rising panic I was sure she was feeling as her child screamed and she fumbled around the mechanics of the latch, the sweaty strangulation of those damned nursing covers.  I knew how she felt, and I wanted to go to her.  Instead, I just smiled and nodded at her as if to say — “you’re doing it!  you’re doing well!” — and she brushed some hair out of her eyes and smiled back.  (I should have said it, though — should have offered: “Good job, mom!”  Sometimes we need to hear it.)  More than once, I have scooped a child up off the playground floor or steered him out of the danger of kicking feet at the swing-set — and other parents have done the same for me.

But there is also another truth that I have carried with me for decades, one that brought tears to my eyes when I first learned of it years ago, before I could even remotely relate to its significance, and which now takes my breath away when I think of it because I can imagine it but couldn’t possibly endure it.

My paternal grandmother had three children, and one of them was a girl — her beloved, the apple of her eye, my vivacious and bright-eyed aunt.  Cancer took her when I was nine, and my grandmother was heartbroken.

“That was her baby girl,” my Dad said, attempting to explain her sorrow to me.  I nodded with wide eyes, sad but bewildered by the size of their grief, at the thought that an adult could be a baby to somebody else.

When my grandmother passed away not long after, my father went through the belongings in her home in Painesville, Ohio, a horrifically lachrymose task I cannot bear to imagine.  Among her possessions was a calendar she had kept marking her busy social agenda: her bridge games, her social gatherings at the country club, her dinners on the town, her visits by children and grandchildren.  My grandparents were an effervescent, socially graceful duo well-loved by their friends, their community.  My grandmother used to show me off to her friends when I’d come to visit, calling to other women in the grocery store to come see me — “Oh, Carm!” they’d say, “She looks just like a little Pat.”  And they’d chat happily, joyously with one another.  Her cluttered agenda stood as a testament to her ebullience, the richness of her friendships.

But then, halfway through the pages: “Pat died today,” written in loopy pencil script, and then nothing after.  

“That was her baby girl,” my father again explained.  “She was how she kept time.”

Oh.  I know now.  She was how she kept time.  The all-consuming centricity of parenthood, the reframing of all things, the centripetal force of my daughter.  The way I will remember moving to New York through the lens of her eight-month-old self, the cramped and harried naps she took in a pack-and-play in the corner of our hotel room, or in my arms on the unmade bed, back when she was little enough to endure my tremulous voice on stressed phone calls and still sleep soundly through it all.  The way I will think of the steps in our first home in Chicago through the prism of the sharp pain I felt ascending and descending them for the first few times after my c-section, wanting desperately to get to her but unable to move with more speed.  The way my meals, my available times for phone calls, my weekend plans conform to her waking schedule.  The way memories entirely unrelated to mini — even my first trip away from her — are in some way marked by her: the photo Mr. Magpie sent of he, mini, and Tilly in our bed, my absence from it an ache.  The thud of her feet running to greet me at the door.

She was how she kept time.

I feel in that phrase a depth of grief I can’t plumb, but I understand it nonetheless.  You might think me a Brian, but I know now.  I embrace the incongruity of existing as my own self and living entirely in her orbit.

She is how I keep time.

Post Scripts.

Hard to follow the post above with anything but a deep sigh.  I have been clinging to the image of my grandmother’s half-empty calendar for decades now, unsure of what to do with it but mourn.  But today it feels good to share it with you, along with some other random observations to buoy our spirits on a Tuesday:

+FYI — you can now search my site!  If you go to the upper right hand corner of my blog, you’ll see a small magnifying glass icon at the top right.  Click and search.  I know things can be difficult to find because I write in a longer form than is common in the blogosphere, and I often tail-end my musings with a list of various and sundry discoveries.  Hopefully this helps!

+Today is the final day of Ralph Lauren’s Friends & Family Sale.  I use this time as an excuse to buy items for mini that never go on sale — like their darling quilted jackets and cashmere sweaters.  Incidentally, this would be a great time to pick up a timeless gift for a new baby: one of these classic flag sweaters or a pair of Briley slippers.

+Speaking of Polo and sale, I have no idea why, but Nordstrom Rack currently has men’s undershirts on super sale, and this is the only brand Mr. Magpie will wear.  I stocked up majorly for him.

+I am drooling over these velvet, bow-embellished heels!  The perfect shoe for holiday parties.

+THIS COAT.  WOW.

+Outnet has a bunch of great new arrivals in — a lot of which remind me of #royalstyle.  (Did anyone else enjoy lingering over photos from Princess Eugenie’s nuptials?)  I love the slightly prim, old-world feel of the dressing, usually offset by a saucily tilted bit of millinery.  Anyway, Outnet has a couple of Kate Middleton-esque finds, like this sweater weather Raoul, this rich green shirtdress, and this fluted-sleeved column dress.  All good prices and all excellent picks for Thanksgiving and other autumnal festivities.

+I’ve spotted a couple of well-priced, open-weave sweaters that feel super on trend right now: this with its dramatic cuff/sleeve and this with its cheery colors.

+This topcoat is classy.

+I now own this tee in about five colors.  Perfect layering piece.

+For minis: how cute are these?!  And I already ordered these in the camel color.  Duh.

Let’s talk beauty today, mah friends.  Summer has come and gone and it’s time for many of us to retire our tinted moisturizers and settle into our foundation routines — and to double down on moisturizing.  Below, I’m sharing my latest beauty discovery (nail polish!), reviews of the new wave of products I bought a few weeks back, and items on my radar.

New Beauty Obsession: Smith & Cult Nail Polish.

I have full-on converted to Smith & Cult for my weekly manicures.  I find the formula much gentler on my nails (they seem thicker and in better shape than I’ve seen them in years), the color lasts about six days (I am really hard on my nails — a standard Essie or OPI will only last 3-4 without chips), and I flip over the color options.  I’m especially partial to Regret the Moon, a milky, opaque white-pink, and Kundalini Hustle, a glossy Coca Cola red.  I think I’ll go ahead and order a bottle of each just so I have them for touch-ups — and to bring with me if I’m frequenting a salon that is not my own/does not carry them.

Honest Beauty Reviews: Embryolisse & More.

+La Neige Water Sleeping Mask.  I love this stuff.  It glides on like gel, smells like clean laundry, and hydrates your skin while you sleep.  I have a feeling I’ll be using this throughout the winter, when I am prone to dryness.  I wouldn’t say I wake up, look in the mirror, and rub my eyes in disbelief at the effects — but my skin certainly feels soft and moisturized in the morning and I know it’s doing its job.

+Charlotte Tilbury’s Flawless Filter.  My favorite product I’ve tried out of the latest crop.  It took me awhile to figure out how to use this — I thought at first that I could use it like a foundation or tinted moisturizer, but that’s a bit much (and you’d go through a lot, and quickly).  Instead, I use tinted moisturizer first and then apply a few dabs of this along the cheekbones, forehead, nose, and anywhere there’s an uneveness in tone.  The effect is gorgeous — skin looks luminous, glowing, “smoothed over.”  I’m a huge fan.  (Does anyone else use this differently?)

+Ole Henriksen’s Banana Bright Eye Cream.  Solid.  I still believe the best eye cream known to man is La Mar, but I only permit myself to indulge in it every now and then.  It is so expensive!  But it does work.  This eye cream does a nice job of hydrating and brightening the eye area, and I like its texture — it blends in easily with no greasiness and it feels cool to the touch.

+Guerlain’s L’Or Radiance Primer.  Sigh, I’m not sure if I believe I need a primer.  I’m not like skiing in a full face of foundation or finding myself in high intensity situations where I need my makeup to look picture perfect for ten hours straight.  BUT.  This stuff smells great and ensures that makeup glides on like a breeze.  It’s a good base layer and it smells like heaven to me.

+Dior’s Browstyler.  This is a really good product if you can afford to be precise — meaning, if you have the patience and inclination to basically draw individual eyebrow hairs into place.  I am usually too harried for this kind of activity but on the occasions I have taken the time, this stuff is really excellent (the tip is super-fine).  You simply cannot tell the difference between the browstyler strokes and your own hairs!  It is incredible.  That said, I am already missing a chubbier pencil style that I can use with less attention to detail.

+Elf Clear Eyebrow Gel.  A reader suggested I look into this and OH MAN AM I HAPPY I DID.  It costs $3 at my local Duane Reade and I’ll never not use this.  It goes on clear (duh) and keeps brows in place without making them crispy.  Love.

+Bare Minerals Gen Nude Liquid Lipstick in Swag.  I actually went into the Sephora at Columbus Circle to buy Tilbury’s highly-touted matte lipstick in “Pillow Talk” only to discover that my store did not carry Tilbury’s products.  I got sidetracked by the Mare Minerals collection instead and went home with a gorgeous “blushing mauve” color that I have been wearing on the daily.  It is the perfect natural-looking pink and I love the formula, which glides on, dries matte, BUT does not leave lips parched!  (I also love Stila’s All Day liquid lipsticks — such good colors! — but find that they dry my lips out excessively!)  Also, it tastes like mocha.  Never a bad thing.

+Marc Jacobs Highliner.  I love this product when I want something super easy to apply with a kind of smudgy/smoky finish.  (If you’re looking for a laser-sharp edge, look elsewhere.)  This product glides on like butter and the color is super saturated.  Love.

+Chanel Eyeshadow Primer.  I was a bit underwhelmed by this product.  What I was looking for was an eye primer with its own hue — something like Laura Mercier’s Eye Basics, which I often use on its own, without a “top coat” of shadow.  I just want something easy to swipe on that evens out the eyelid and brightens the eye area — and that can extend the life of eyeshadow when I do feel like getting dolled up.  Chanel’s product is clear and kind of…unctuous.  It feels more like a lip gloss than anything else, and I can’t say I feel it extended the life of my eye shadow when I did wear it on top.  So, all in, underwhelmed.  I’ll be going back to Laura Mercier’s staple (I buy it in the linen color).

+Embryolisse Lait Creme.  I was super excited to try this “wunderproduct” with a massive cult following, but my skin HATED me when I used it.  I developed a rash all over my face — tiny little bumps!  Horrifying.  I immediately discontinued use and my skin went back to normal in about 24-36 hours.  Interestingly, a few readers said they had the same reaction — maybe there’s some ingredient that we are allergic to?  A friend of mine in the beauty industry mentioned that most allergic reactions in beauty products pertain to fragrance ingredients!  I was disappointed as I had thought this would be a great addition to my travel dopp kit since it can be used as a primer, makeup remover, moisturizer, shaving cream, or even after-shave balm.  Eh well.

+Caudalie Elixir Eau de Beaute Spray.  Another “French drugstore” classic.  I could take this or leave it.  I found the scent overpoweringly strong, and I’m usually that weirdo who prefers strongly-scented products.  I know some are super sensitive to smell, but I like when a cream smells like rose petals or a primer smells like peppermint.  This smelled like mint and…gasoline?  I don’t know how to describe its smell but it is POTENT.  I love using sprays like this to prime and then set my makeup.  Again, not sure how necessary this step is in my own life, where I rarely am out and about for long enough to anyone notice if my makeup has withered by hour eight, but I do like the way a spray can “soften” the edges of your makeup after you’ve applied it.  This Caudalie product does the trick, but if I’m honest, my absolute favorite spray for setting/hydrating is Chantecaille’s Pure Rosewater, whose price tag is tantamount to highway robbery.  It smells like heaven on earth, the applicator is divine (a light, airy spritz that perfectly clouds your face), and I’m a sucker for the packaging.  PSA: Many say that this inexpensive Mario Badescu facial spray achieves the same effect for $7.

+Bare Minerals Mineral Veil Setting Powder.  OK, this came as a surprise in a little gift set from Sephora and I am IN LOVE.  I use it on top of my undereye concealer (I use this brush to apply) and occasionally sweep it across my whole face if I’m really going for a full look.  It is super light, non-cakey, and somehow leaves skin looking bright and radiant and non-powdery.  So good.

Beauty Discoveries.

Whew.  It’s been a busy few weeks of testing products so I’ll probably pump the breaks for awhile — I usually refresh my beauty routine twice a year, as I run out of things.  But, a few things I wanted to mention that have come highly recommended:

+Belif Water Bomb.  The last two makeup artists I’ve gone to have used this gel cream on my skin and it is WONDROUS.  So refreshing and hydrating and I can’t believe the price tag.  I’m thinking I will swap this in when I’m out of my Ole Henriksen facial moisturizer.

+These makeup towels are too cute!  I might add these as a gift in my mom’s stocking, or to accompany a cosmetics gift for a girlfriend this holiday (I love giving my favorite cosmetics away as gifts — see more present ideas here).

+I’ve never used Nars’ The Multiple, though I know it has its own tribe.  I’m thinking this could be the kind of thing I carry with me in my purse for quick touch-ups — a swipe on the cheeks and lips and BOOM, instant pick me up.

+I’ve heard REALLY good things about this skin cleanser, in case my favorite (Tata Harper) didn’t cut it for you.

+I use my Truffle clear pouches to organize cosmetics when traveling, especially by air, since the size is TSA-approved — but they are admittedly spend-y for what they are.  I found this $10 Sonia Kushuk style that would work just as well.  A little less styling, but the same effect: easy to find what you’re looking for!

P.S.  My top beauty picks of all time.  I added the $3 ELF brow gel to this list, so that should say something.

My Latest Snag: The Goyard-Esque Laptop Case.

You might have seen this if you follow me on my new @thefashionmagpie Instagram account, but I recently pounced on a Goyard dupe for my laptop.  I’m not huge on lookalikes/faux bags, but this one got good reviews and, every now and then, I just think: “I like this and I’m going to get it.”  And so I did.  $38, free returns, no regrets.  I’m now realizing it could swap in for an oversized clutch if I’m so inclined.  Whee!  Now if I can only convince my girl Inslee to hand paint some letters on the top…which reminds me: her new desktop calendars are now live and they are gooooood, especially for the bibliophiles among us.

The Fashion Magpie Goyard Laptop Case 1 The Fashion Magpie Goyard Laptop Case 2 The Fashion Magpie Goyard Laptop Case 3

 

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Dreamy Jogger.

The most popular items on Le Blog this week:

+The name of these joggers is apt, because they truly are the stuff of dreams.

+This striped shirtdress is now on sale and very on-trend.  #guccivibes

+A well-reviewed bodysuit — perfect for fall layering.

+An elegant pleated midi.

+My secret to keeping my sweaters clean and nicely scented in the winter.  (And saving a fortune on dry cleaning.)

+I love these shelf dividers.  It’s boring, but it’s my life.  More of my favorite organizational products here.

+Monogrammed jewelry cases FTW!

#Turbothot: What Do You Do Just for You?

I was flattered that Inslee mentioned in an Instastory that part of her inspiration for her new book-centric desk calendar was joining my book club.  She mentioned that it was something she did “just for her” — not for her business, not for her baby, not for anyone else or any other purpose.  I loved that.  It led me to wonder: what do I do just for me?  If you think about it, so much of our everyday lives is consumed by the needs and wishes and influences of others, whether we are mothers or not, and even in the context of seemingly innocuous things that we don’t necessarily mind, like what to make for dinner (but what does Mr. Magpie want?), or where to grab lunch (but Julie is gluten-free!), or when to call our parents (but mom will be eating dinner now…) or whether we can make it to a playdate on time (but mini is still sleeping!)  This isn’t a bad thing, of course.  Quite the opposite: I aspire to live my life as a woman for others, though I know I fall well short in that category.  (My legacy goals are more realistic.)  And there is grand virtue in considerateness, empathy, generosity of spirit, selflessness.

But.

We don’t need to be martyrs about it either.  Sometimes we owe it to ourselves to be — well, how should I put it?  I hate the negative implications of the word “selfish” or “self-centered.”  I suppose I mean to say that sometimes we need to show ourselves some love, some quiet freedom, some permissiveness, even in the narrowest of ways.   The other day, for example, I realized that every time I got up to run to the bathroom or change the laundry or grab something out of the other room, I felt compelled to tell Mr. Magpie.  I don’t know how long I’ve been doing this, running this ongoing commentary about my comings and goings.  I don’t know whether it registers on him.  But I know why I do it: so that he’s not left with mini for more than a few minutes wondering where I’ve gone.  I do it to reassure him I’ll be back to co-parent with him presently.  I do it as a courtesy.  But — it was over the top.  Sometimes homegirl just needs to run into the bathroom to pluck a stray eyebrow hair or grab a Kindle or take a minute to stand in silence in the bedroom behind a closed door after a battle of the wills with a toddler.  And none of these things need to be annotated.

And so, the other day, I left the living room unexplained.  And returned promptly.  And everything was as it was.

It was small, petty — and just for me.

Other things I do just for me:

+Get a weekly manicure, without fail, and often at the end of the last “working” day of my week, when I have the nanny for a final hour and have wrapped up work on the blog.

+Buy a bag of gummy candies at “It’s Sugar” (<<actual name of the store; horrible) down the street and eat them until I make myself sick.

+Decide to take the longer circuit on my midday walk with Tilly so I can listen to a bit more of whatever podcast I’m into at the moment.  (Right now, NPR’s new season of Serial.  I have mixed reviews on it at this point, but I’m pot-committed.  Next up: Last Seen, which has gotten insane reviews — all about the true story of a major art heist.)

+Go to bed early so I can read under the covers, alone.

+Buy oatmilk (Oatly is SO GOOD) and a box of cereal.  Mr. Magpie hates both of these things, so it’s all me, baby.  Alarmingly, I find myself drawn to “old person” cereals like Basic 4 (it is so so so good though), but I used to be a Special K Red Berries girl.

+Buy an afternoon soy milk latte.  It takes five minutes to walk to a good coffee shop around the corner, and it’s a total and unnecessary extravagance,  but my oh my does it make me happy.

+Close the door to the bathroom before bed so I can take my time washing my face, staring at my pores, plucking more stray eyebrows, and layering on all the lotions and oils a girl could ever want without feeling rushed or watched.

+Organize my desk and side table drawers using these. No one else ever goes into these drawers but me, and it brings me joy to find them tidy.

+Turn down my sheets before I get into them.  I remove the decorative pillows and shams, tighten the sheets and spray them with crease release when needed, and fold back the duvet.  It is like heaven to get into a prepped bed like this and I can’t explain why.

+Splurge on hand sanitizer with a better scent than the run-of-the-mill Purell at Duane Reade.  No one cares but me, but yes — it brings me joy.  I’ve also heard good things about this brand.

What do you do just for you?

#Shopaholic: The Balloon-Sleeved Sweater.

+Ordering this.  Usually this brand’s sweaters are far more expensive — and the color and shape are SO right now!

+Love this dress in the alphabet print!

+WOW.  The Loveliest Company has some insane new monogram designs that I almost want to buy and frame!  Wouldn’t that be kind of cool?

+Dying over Tory Burch’s Lee Radziwill bag, a new and elegant throwback shape. #newbagwhodis

+Should have added this affordable find to my roundup of what to wear to Thanksgiving (scroll to post-scripts).  Affordable and super flattering — and love the cranberry red!

+Love the Western vibes of this blouse.

+A chic dog bowl!

+I have a pearl encrusted sweater I bought at Zara last year that fetched me more compliments than the remainder of my wardrobe combined.  H&M has a chic variation on this theme on offer for only $40!

 

A couple of months ago, I wrote an homage to you, my Magpie readers.  In writing it, I realized that I carry you with me every day, all day, my personal Helicon, my own chorus.  Your comments and emails tumble through my thoughts; your names routinely recur in conversations with Mr. Magpie and my mother (“did you see the comment from Anna today?”); your interests lead me to consider styles and topics I might not otherwise have examined; your observations and encouragements and brave admissions (Elizabeth Schimmels!!!) humble me; your often gentle and diplomatic though occasionally deservedly sharp words of caution or surprise shape my musings, offering me guardrails when I am at risk of drifting too far.

This is writing: me, in conversation with you.  Each post half-formed until you’ve received it.  I often wait, tender-footed, until your comments appear in my inbox and I can assess my own writing through your reactions to it.  Do you know the tremendous role you play in my writing — in all writing, for that matter?  For centuries, humans got this wrong.  For generations, we positioned the artist as a gifted god on a pedestal, Her Word as Gospel.  Our role was subserviently exegetical.  It wasn’t until the 20th century and its attendant wars and the havoc that they wrought on our understanding of The Way of The World that we shed those old-timey fictions as to The Order of Things and thought: “Maybe The Artist is not in fact all-knowing.  Maybe, actually, her intentions don’t matter at all.  Maybe art comes alive when the reader breathes life into it.”  Literary theorists took many of these new “truths” a bit too far for my taste in positing that, actually, there is no stability at all in meaning.  We interpret what we interpret; we create and uncreate art as we bring our own experiences to it.  I do not believe this is wholly true.  I believe that the artist has a perspective and the reader has a perspective and when those forces meet, a kind of magic happens, even when that magic yields anger or opprobrium or — the most hurtful reaction of all for a writer — dismissal.

Am I flying too high right now?

Let me rein myself in with this conclusion: you are the patron, the chorus, half of the creative spirit behind this writing.  I sense your contours as I write.  Mr. Magpie has often told me that when he played ball, there was something gorgeous and mystical about when the baseball hit “the sweet spot” of his bat.

“It kind of radiates through your body,” he explained one day.  “It just feels good.  And the sound.  It’s a specific sound — the ball connecting with the bat, and the whole thing echoes through your body.”

That’s how I feel, too, when I’ve written something on pitch with you, your eyes over my shoulder, your head nodding: something connects, aflare, electric.

Thank you for this gift.

Post-Script: The 8 Most Popular Blog Posts of 2018.

In honor of this gift, I am sharing the most popular blog posts I have written thus far this year:

  1.  A Love Story.
  2. Ladybird, Loss, and the Visitation.  I have a hard time with this post.  Is it narcissistic or masochistic that I re-read it every few weeks, crying?  I even one time recorded myself reading it aloud and I don’t know why.  There is something in its emotional timbre that I wanted to hear back.  Oof.
  3. The M Series: Landon Lands in Lyon.
  4. Le Ultimate Fall Wardrobe.
  5. The Best of Everything: Beauty.
  6. Lowbrow.
  7. 10 Things I Love that I Shouldn’t.
  8. The M Series: A Prelude to Love.

Together, the popularity of these posts tells me a few things: first, that you enjoy my M Series and that maybe I need to jump back in that saddle.  I dubbed these posts the “M Series” because they were part memoir, part “magic” — magic in the sense that I took artistic liberties in the presentation of the details.  Everything happened as I described but writing gave me the space to order and fine-tune the minutiae in a way I’d never have been able to if asked to share the story of us verbally.  I spent long draughts of afternoons reflecting on those days in Lyon in particular, conjuring the exact feel of the city, the thrum of first love, the tenderness of separation.  I wrote the series first because Mr. Magpie is the love and joy of my life but second because I saw it as a kind of calisthenic to prepare me for writing fiction.  Fiction is a wholly different beast than the kind of memoir-ish writing I usually share here: it’s a different headspace, a different lightwave.  I saw the M Series as a bridge between the two.  And it proved helpful: I have written long sections of a fictional piece I hope to one day share when it’s in a more polished form.  It’s a love story (what isn’t?) but it’s also about the age-old tension between fate and personal will, a topic I have long grappled with from a feminist perspective in that women have had specific kinds of holds on their “will.”  It will one day be called Maiden’s Choosing, the title of the third book within George Eliot’s masterpiece Daniel Deronda, and when you read it, you’ll understand why.  I digress, but — your readership of my M Series has put more wind in my sails to persist in this project.

Second learning: the popularity of my post grieving the death of one of my best friends from high school reminded me that we all have suffered our own devastations, and that it is a beautiful, restorative thing to sit alongside others in mutual acknowledgment of those heartaches, even when we don’t say anything at all, and even when we still occasionally cry about them, eight plus years after the fact.  That post was a stunning kind of shiva for me.

Third learning: y’all is chic!  I love that amidst the heavier fare, there were well-loved posts on trends.  Everything in balance, right?  The asymmetricality of this blog is a reflection of who we are: yes, we wear our hearts on our sleeves and think deeply about our worlds and our roles, but we can also go crazy over a pair of shoes and talk long and deep about the virtues of Ole Henriksen’s truth serum.  (<<If you buy nothing else from this blog this year, please indulge in this.)  Which brings me to…

Post-Post-Script: The 10 Most Popular Products Featured on Le Blog in 2018.

  1. Instant pot.
  2. One-shouldered bow mini-dress.
  3. Acupressure mat.
  4. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng.  (One of my favorite books this year.  It has stayed with me, its depth doubling back on itself.)
  5. My faux Goyard iPhone case.  (I’m anticipating my new laptop case will achieve similar celebrity status.)
  6. The absolute best round brush ever.
  7. My glen plaid blazer.  (Available now in more colors…)
  8. Vintage Hermes scarf.
  9. My $70 shades.
  10. The boho dress I wore literally all summer long (<<on sale!  Actually currently wearing it since it’s 75 degrees out and muggy today…yes, in mid-October.)

Together, these items remind me of the breadth of your womanhood: you are attentive at home, you read a lot, you aren’t afraid of a fashion statement, and you blend the high-end with the budget buy.  I think we would get along famously.

Post-Post-Post Scripts.

+One of my personal favorite posts this year was this one on turning 34.  It is some of the most honest writing I’ve ever found in myself.

+In my most recent order from Amazon: these highly-reviewed toothbrushes (my dentist insists we should only use “soft bristle” brushes; these have 5x the normal number of bristles AND people rave about the hectagonal shape of the handle, making it easier to keep on an angle); this silicon alternative to bacteria-riddled loofahs to use with my new favorite body wash; this broom set for mini, which she LOOOOVES; and a spool of one-inch satin ribbon, which I go through with shocking velocity when wrapping gifts, tying up treats, etc.

+Currently at the top of my bag lust list: this Lee Radziwill bag (dying over the shape) and this Hunting Season bag.

+I need these alpaca ornaments for my tree this year.

+If you can’t tell with the reference to Mount Helicon, I’m midway through Madeline Miller’s Circe, our book club pick for this month, and I’M DEAD.  IT IS SO GOOD.

My sister recently asked me this, and I spent the better part of a morning lingering over it.  It’s not often someone asks something this optimistic, and I was flattered and humbled by the subtext that she felt I had done something right.  Further, it’s hard to discern what’s worked versus what we can chalk up to her innate personality, and any of the responses I worked up felt oddly smug, self-congratulatory.  (Why am I so much more comfortable soliciting input on my struggles and questions as a mom (ahem)?)

After some time, I offered three replies.

First, I feel I’ve done a good job raising an adaptable girl, one who was oddly calm amidst the uprooting of our lives last fall and one who generally tolerates changes to her routine with aplomb.  This is as much a benefit to her as it is to us: it has enabled us to live our lives with less stress.  I believe we achieved this by sticking to a routine rather than a hard-and-fast schedule, by rolling with the punches, by following her cues.  Sometimes her nap is pushed back an hour.  Sometimes dinner is at four.  Sometimes we talk loudly with friends outside her nursery while she is sleeping, just a pocket door away — because there is nowhere else for us to sit in our apartment and we need to live our lives, too.  All in all, I think we have cultivated a resilient, independent little lass who is a part of our family rather than the epicenter of it.  Maybe that sounds cruel to say, but I’ve always worried Mr. Magpie and I would erase ourselves and our interests if we changed everything to accommodate mini.  We’re not infallible, of course; there are still times we find ourselves sprinting home from dinner, or declining an invitation because it doesn’t jive with her routine, or, you know, cursing ourselves for buying train tickets that encroached on her nap time.  But we have worked at this, and I think it has paid off.

Second, I feel I’ve done well at raising a bookworm.  We read every single day, multiple times a day, and we have since the day I brought her home from the hospital.  She will spend a good portion of her afternoon turning pages on her own, pointing out the animals and shapes.  I have been hellbent on this.  (Some of our favorite books here, here, and here.)  I have also found books to be a good way to give her a sense of autonomy, as I will often present her with two or three book options: “Which one?”  And she will point with her stubby finger and her borderline Italian accent: “DEEES one.”

Third, I feel I have avoided coddling her, especially when it comes to routine tumbles and bumps.  I am often astounded at how quickly she picks herself up, dusts her hands off, and goes back to playing.  It was hard at first to bite my tongue but as long as I don’t react, she doesn’t react.  I’m proud of this, proud of her persistence — and the same holds true for activities and tasks that she is struggling with.  It is so hard to watch her fumbling to take the top off of something or straining to fit a puzzle piece into its spot, but I have learned to sit back and watch.  Maria Montessori once wrote: “Never do for a child what she believes she can do on her own.”  I have taken this to heart and have tried my best to encourage her to do things herself — put on her own shoes, open a drawer, fit the pieces into a shape sorter.  Altogether, I think I have done a passable job at quietly observing her rather than intervening.

All of these are heavily caveated because there are so many occasions where I fall short of these aspirations — but, in sum, I find myself to be fairly consistent and intentional about them.  I walked around for the next few days mentally preening these replies, wondering if they were accurate or self-indulgent or entirely beside the point.  As I laid down last night, I thought: probably none of this matters next to the bigger (biggest?) truth of motherhood, which is that I have loved her unconditionally and fully since she was born.

What about you?   What have you done right as a mother?

Post Scripts.

+So many of you recommended a toilet trainer to place on top of a toilet seat vs. a mini potty (“potette” as one of you put it — how elegant).  (You’d also need a step stool like this or this.)

+Loving this liberty print dress.

+Mini has been very into using our broom, but, mid-sweep, has also nearly knocked over a lamp, a vintage ginger jar I inherited from my grandparents that is probably worth more than our entire living room, and a glass vase.  I promptly ordered this set for her.

+Love this corduroy romper for the holidays.

+Just ordered mini this sweater.  You can get a similar look in your size with this (under $60!)

+Love this faux fur vest and this leopard jacket.

+Had to have this ballet slipper sweater for mini.  SO CUTE.

+I ordered these shaggy dog jammies for mini (love this brand) and am patiently/impatiently waiting for TBBC to run a promo so I can snag a pair of their Christmas jammies.

+Sweet rose gold ballet flats for a chic mini.

P.S.  Don’t you grow up in a hurry, my dream nursery, and UGH MY HEART.