My Latest Snag: Christmas Gear.

Inspired by a reader’s request for thoughts on holiday decor and traditions as a newlywed, I couldn’t help but snag a couple of Christmas finds this week, including this tree skirt, which coordinates with our stockings.  I actually ordered this exact tree skirt last holiday season and it was mistakenly delivered to my old address back in Chicago where it was apparently left and never discovered again.  By the time we were through the rigmarole of tracking the package, they had sold out of this style!  So, I ordered it early this year and earned 25% off with a promo code.  I also ordered mini some Christmas jammies and currently have about twenty browser windows open to various options for Advent calendars after so many of you mentioned how central this tradition was to your youths.  I realized I’d better get chopping on making it a part of mini’s!  I’m considering this, this, and this.  I also like this but am concerned about sacrificing our limited shelf/tabletop/counter space.

P.S.  I promise I won’t be featuring too much holiday stuff — I realize we’re still about 3498 days away — but OMG this set of ornaments!!!!  And there are tons of hilarious kitschy ornament finds here.

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Animal Print Dress.

The most popular items on Le Blog this week:

+This chic RIXO London dress.  Animal prints are very in right now; I love the demure yet versatile length of this dress!

+More feline print goodness.

+Chic thank you notes.

+One of my favorite snags this season.

+A super-Scandi, super-chic boot.

+This dress is everything.

+A more affordable but just-as-chic alternative to GGs.

+Kids’ gift of the season apparently.

+The cutest ornament.

#Turbothot: The Secret to a Well-Written Thank You Note.

I wrote a week or two ago about sending out-of-the-blue “love notes” to a friend without any agenda — just to remind her of why you love her because sometimes — often-times — we learn more about ourselves through the reactions and commentaries of others.  A few of you responded by pointing me in the direction of Cup of Jo’s recent post on the power of writing thank you notes.  I loved the sentiment and especially the observation: “A perfect thank-you note is not very long, but it’s earnest, specific, and from the heart.”

I will humbly admit that I have cultivated a kind of celebrity among my friends and family for my talent in thank-you-note-writing.  In my opinion, as corroborated by the writer above, the key to a well-written thank you note is specificity.  I find the same holds true in all kinds writing, come to think of it: the more narrow the detail, the more saturated the color, the better.  This is something I learned by observing the spectacular writing of some of my favorite authors, most notably Molly Wizenberg, whose knack for the particular and richly resonant is second to none.  And so, when I write a thank you note, I try to explain in detail why and how I will use or appreciate the gesture of kindness that has been extended to me.  It’s not just — “I love my new desk calendar.  Thank you.”  It’s — “I have placed my new desk calendar to the left of my computer screen and I look at it every single day while I’m blogging.  I think of you often because of it — and am also far more facile in booking appointments and agreeing to commitments with the days of the month staring me in the face.”  The detail can be anything: “I love that rich cerulean blue!  It matches my favorite scarf!” or “The candle reminds me of a trip I took to…”  But showing someone in specific detail why you appreciate something they have given to you demonstrates you have sat down and truly appreciated it, incorporated it into your life.

Incidentally, I learned this from my all-knowing mother, whose thank you notes always include an unexpectedly intimate detail: “I was just sitting on the ivory settee in my office admiring that print you sent me.  It made my afternoon.”  (She is also masterful at not only thanking you once for something — but, out of the blue, midway through the year, dropping a text: “You know that eye shadow you gave me last year?  I’m wearing it today and I’m so grateful to you for it.” #NEXTLEVEL.)

What are your tips for writing thank you notes?

P.S.  In the snap above, the stationery is from here and the pens are these, of course.  My favorite writing implement of all time.

#Shopaholic: The Black Boot.

+If you are still in the heyday of wearing high heels (I’ve sadly converted into a more practical everyday boot gal, aka minimal height), I cannot believe these boots are $200.  They look like they could be Gianvito Rossi!

+Building on the nubby/teddy/high-pile outwear trend I touched on a bit yesterday, this $80 steal is a seriously good fine.

+Into the shape, length, color, and texture of this coat.  I like it with these boots.

+This dress is stunning for a winter black tie event.

+Lusting after this interior design book.

+Love this gussied-up white tee.

+PSA: That feathered dress so many of you loved is now on sale!  Also in the sale section: these over-the-top TBs, which I’ve been eyeing for some time, my favorite sneaks in a fun color, and a major Jackie O. moment waiting to happen.

+This fleece comes in the best colors.

+Love the sorbet pink colors.

+Into the varsity vibes on this statement sweater.

P.S.  If you are a VIB Rouge, you can score 20% off any purchase right now.  A great time to stock up on things like perfume (!!!), which never goes on sale.  I love this scent.  Also maybe an opportune moment to try some of the beauty finds I’ve been raving about or my all-time favorite beauty products.

P.P.S.  Are you a private person?

P.P.P.S.  Not so fun, but mildly amusing, to revisit my dirge of the dishwasher.

A couple of standout street style looks I’ve been ogling over lately.  First, a string of looks from the darling Nasiba Adilova, founder of the incredible children’s gear retailer The Tot (I have ordered so many darling items from them over time for mini, including, most recently, these!).  Her style is so unexpected — somehow both “downtown” with her funky accents and oversized cuts and “uptown” with her monochromatic color palettes and statement jewelry.

The Fashion Magpie Nasiba Adilova 1

The Fashion Magpie Nasiba Adilova 3

Get her look with these picks:

+Everlane ReNew Fleece Sweatshirt — I own this in the oat color (thank you Everlane) and have been wearing it since I received it.  It’s made from recycled plastic water bottles (!) and I love the boxy, cropped fit.  Super chic with jeans and GGs or, ya know, high-end denim and a trench as per Nasiba.  This find is easily going to make its way under the tree for a sibling or friend this holiday!

+Loewe leather bag.

+Nasiba’s shearling slides are from The Row; I’ll be channeling the look for less in these incredible mules (under $200!)  If you MUST have a slide/sandal style a la Nasiba, check out this Madewell find on sale for under $70!

+White jeans — Khaite is THE name in “It” denim right now, and this cut and wash are so 2018.  This reminds me that I’ve heard good things about this pair of jeans from Everlane, which strikes a similar tone.

+Zara snakeskin boots.

+Long wool coat (on sale for under $200).  I love the length of this coat — it feels high fashion to me, a la Nasiba.

+Chunky gold necklace from Monica Vinader.  Love the proportions of these pendant alphabet letters.  Would be fun to do a few on a single chain!

I have also been marveling over model Loulou DeSaison and glowingly pregnant Scandinavian beauty Pernille Teisbaek.  Both are wearing coats from Scandinavian line Samsoe Samsoe (Pernille’s is here and Loulou’s is here).  I love the way they both styled their coats with mid-calf booties.  So bold — such an unexpected line!  Pernille’s are these Balenciaga beauties, and Loulou’s are Celine.

The Fashion Magpie Loulou de Saison The Fashion Magpie Pernille Teisbaek

If you’re in the market for a similar jacket, don’t fret: there are lots of street-style-chic coats in slightly boxier fits a la Pernille and Loulou on offer: I love this Gap steal, this J. Crew beauty, and either this or this from Avec Les Filles.  If you’re in the mood for a blazer, check out this stylish Anine Bing, which I’d like to layer over this sexy camisole.

Finally, check out Pernille in her luscious Prada shearling coat.  Can you even?!  As you can tell with my Nasiba-inspired picks above, I am all aboard the nubby/shearling/teddy train.  You can get the Pernille-in-plush-Prada look for less with this, this, or this.  If you’re looking to splurge, I LOVE this with its dramatic pockets!  And if you’re looking for a different shape, I love this bomber cut.

The Fashion Magpie Pernille Teisbaek 2

Also, she’s sporting a covetable Mansur Gavriel top-handle bag (#swoon).  Get the look for less with this Neely & Chloe style.

P.S.  Are you a crier?

P.P.S.  What are you rebelling against?

P.P.P.S.  The ultimate fall wardrobe guide.

P.P.P.P.S.  For the mamas out there — stocked up on a bunch of Crayola goodies at Zulily, including this huge set of crayons.  Mini seems to break and dullen hers very easily.  I feel like I’m constantly buying new packs!

I had the sweetest note from a reader a couple of weeks ago and am ashamed to admit I am just getting around to answering it now — maybe it took me until I found myself listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album yesterday owing to the dip in temperature to really get in the holiday mood? — but here goes:

I have a post request for you regarding holiday decor. I know it is an early request, but Home Depot and Costco both had faux Christmas trees out today! 

My husband and I have been married for three years and recently bought a condo in Alexandria. Now that we are homeowners, I feel drawn to the idea of decorating for the holidays and creating traditions. In previous years, we have not done much in our home, relying on my parents for Christmas cheer when we went back to their house to celebrate. I’d like to change that! 

My request is three parts, but I would be delighted if you answered any part of it for a post. 

1. Beyond a tree + ornaments, what holiday decor are you drawn to? (Our dog is allergic to pine and I don’t want to store a faux tree quite yet). Is there anything that has caught your eye in recent years? Certain looks you love?
2. What traditions do you and your husband have around the holidays? 
3. Are there any traditions in your family that you are particularly sentimental about? Any decor items that hold a lot of meaning to you? I love the way your write about your family. 

Thank you! 

I love this note and how eager you are to start family traditions.  I’m sharing scattershot observations and thoughts on holiday decorating for those of us in our 20s and 30s in a similar headspace:

+My top piece of advice is to buy a little bit each year.  That’s been our philosophy when it comes to decorating more generally, and I think it’s paid off.  Of course there are times where you-just-need-to-buy-a-bedroom-set-and-matching-rug-and-art-work-all-at-once-to-feel-like-a-human, but to the extent possible, we have had far better luck when we have taken our time in outfitting our homes, buying one-off pieces of art and furniture as they catch our eye.  I feel the same way about Christmas gear: buy it in phases, as things appeal to you.  For example, I give Mr. Magpie a new ornament each year in his stocking, and I usually try to pick something reflective of the year — last year’s was this taxi cab ornament, a small and slight garish homage to our move to the Big Apple.

+For more sources for specialty ornaments: Etsy is a treasure trove.  These hand-beaded ones are precious.  My mother-in-law collects beautiful blown glass “Inge-Glas” ornaments from Germany and you can track down some true beauties on Etsy if you are patient, like this elegant set.  And if you’re a dog lover, specialty ornaments abound!  I’m buying this one this year, but I also like this.  Probably my most cherished ornament is a Jonathan Adler ceramic piece Mr. Magpie gave me.  Keep your eyes peeled for the novelties brands have on offer around the holidays…

+Speaking of ornaments, while adding a few special newbies a year has been our M.O. thus far, we also supplement our specialty ornaments with a couple of inexpensive “filler” sets we bought from Target and Martha Stewart from Home Depot the first few years we were married because we realized our tree would look insanely sparse without them.  I don’t like the designs on offer by Martha this year, but you can find sets on eBay that might be worth considering.  And everyone needs a set of cheerful red cardinals perched on her branches!  Generally, though, I like the look of oversized ball ornaments as the “filler” pieces.  We got ours principally in shades of metallic red, silver, and gold and have more or less stuck with those colors over time, but I’ve also seen really pretty trees done up almost entirely in shades of white and silver (these are elegant) to grand effect.

+All of this ornament advice of course depends on whether you like a themed/monochromatic look or not.  We generally stick to a few colors but don’t mind the mish-mash.  That said, we are adamant about white tree lights — I know there are others who are diehard color strand people, but not us!  If you’re into a more streamlined look, your job is easier since you can limit your ornament hunting to a specific shape or color.  I love the idea of a tree with ONLY bird ornaments, for example, or ONLY bows, or ONLY white/silver balls, or ONLY angels, or ONLY bells.  Could be interesting to consider if you’re a minimalista.

+Consider buying stockings from a retailer that is likely to carry the same style for some time in case you have any future, ahem, additions.  Ours are these channel velvet ones in ivory from Pottery Barn, and they’ve carried them for a long, long time, which has enabled us to add one for Tilly and one for mini over the years without a mismatched look.  Alternately, commit to a mismatch-y but coordinated style, i.e., buy a few fair isle ones in different prints because it’s likely you’ll be able to find some variation on a fair-isle stocking even if it’s not from the same retailer.  The same goes for stocking holders!  I wish I’d had the foresight on this one; I only bought two of these darling reindeer stocking holders and now can’t find anything similar, so might need to buy a whole new set.  I love these and these (in the antique white!) — but buy them in multiples just so you’re prepared!  You never know; you may have family living with you or more kids or dogs than you anticipate!

+Don’t worry if you’re not ready for a tree (faux or real).  There are lots of ways to spruce up your home (hehe, puns).  If you have a mantle or staircase with a railing, garlands are perfect.  I love this preserved cyprus one, but you could go even more abstract with something like this, especially if you incorporate white “trees” and decor elsewhere, like these.  I bought two mini tabletop “trees” covered in moss two years ago and I adore them as the centerpiece to our holiday dining table.  Other options: garlands or mini trees made of boxwood, cyprus, eucalyptus, or — especially trendy recently — bottle brush trees like this set or these.  (If you like the look, scour Etsy — they have lots of great finds, like these or these, which could be converted into ornaments for cheap!)

+If you are considering faux, all I can say is I would love to one day own a flocked tree.  I just love the look — they can look so grand and dramatic!  In love.

+Something I have ALWAYS wanted: candles in each window of our home.  My mother-in-law does this and her house just feels like it’s glowing from the inside out all holiday season.  I had a really tough time finding a good set for our home in Chicago; the set I wound up with were super light and wouldn’t stay put in the window!  The cord was too heavy to keep them upright!  I’d consider these or look in a specialty gift shop in your hometown.

+My mom has a stunning nativity set from Lladro and it’s just not Christmas until she puts it out.  It’s gorgeous.  She always retained Jesus until Christmas morning, when one of us would have the honor of stowing him in his creche.  I would love to one day own something similar, but in the meantime, am considering buying a peg doll nativity set that is more appropriate to my daughter’s age.

+My mom also has a beautiful Christmas china set adorned with nutcrackers, complete with glasses and table linens and oversized tabletop nutcrackers.  I am in love with it.   Am considering adding a nutcracker to my home this year, or maybe making Swedish dala horses my thing instead.  (Etsy has gorgeous vintage ones!)

+In terms of traditions, one of my absolute favorites was opening a flap of the advent calendar each day of Advent.  I loved the sense of anticipation, the crossing off of days.  My mom always purchased cardboard ones from Hallmark, but Mr. Magpie had a big wooden one and his mother would place a toy in each cubby hole every single day of Advent.  Sometimes it was something small — a hershey kiss or a dollar store toy — but sometimes he’d find a scroll with instructions on where to track down something bigger.  EPIC!  Living in New York, a huge wooden Advent calendar is unlikely, but I did come across this darling fabric style, which could be folded up…pretty cute!

+Mr. Magpie and I usually celebrate our own little Christmas a few days before or after the actual day.  Mr. Magpie goes crazy making something like duck a l’orange or osso bucco, we buy an extravagantly nice bottle of champagne, and we watch “A Christmas Story” (Mr. Magpie’s favorite).  It’s simple but splurge-y and it doesn’t feel like Christmas until we’ve enjoyed our quiet little Christmas for two.

+We are also SERIOUS about stockings in our family.  Sometimes half of our Christmas load is in them!  My mom always gifts us incredible cosmetics, gadgets (like my sweater defuzzer, which has saved my life many times), gift cards, Hanky Panky (such an extravagance because those things are EXPENSIVE), and kitchen tools.  Mr. Magpie will occasionally tuck my main present into my stocking, too, which is fun.  Who doesn’t love expecting candy canes and finding Tiffany instead?!

+If you take nothing else away from this meandering post on all things holiday, please do take this: buy this tree stand.  Without this stand, the likelihood that Mr. Magpie and I would get into a snippy tiff while installing our tree was close to 100% each year.  (“Wait, it’s a little to the left –” “Move that damn netting out of the way!”  “Lift lift lift –” “No turn!”)  This is legitimately 239089808 times better than the dinky metal ones we all seem to own with those damned screws you churn into your tree trunk.  This is an elegant, easy to use solution and I guarantee it will pre-empt a squabble around the holidays.  You’re welcome.

+If we had more space, I would die for a few of these to prevent the inevitable shattery, tangled shamble I face every year in a smashed cardboard box.

P.S.  My musings on last Christmas day.

P.P.S.  Some good ideas for gifts if you’re already in the buying mood.

I have gained a lot of new readers in the last few weeks (thanks, Inslee and Mackenzie!) and, though the new search function in the upper right hand corner of the blog may be useful in getting to know me and my varied and meandering musings, I thought I’d curtsy into our newfound relationship (welcome!) with a kind of “greatest hits” post:

+On self-confidence and the dreaded imposter syndrome: Nobody and Somebody.

+On grief and the loss of a high school friend: Ladybird, Loss, and the Visitation.

+On accountability and the power of language: The Weight of Words.

+On motherhood (a very candid look): The Elegant but Lopsided Dance of Motherhood.

+On space, identity, and memory — all through the lens of my beloved hometown: D.C. and the Parochial Wild.

+On the transformative power of reading: Reading, Elasticity, and the Greater Than / Less Than Equation.

+On growing comfortable with the uncertainties of life in my 30s: Turning 34: I Don’t Know, and That’s OK.

+On coming to terms with the reality of death: The Sense of an Ending.

+On balancing intellectual curiosity with the tug of the real world: Between Two Extremes: Lessons from Brooks Hall and Beyond.

+On the tremendous gift of being the daughter to my parents: Lucky to Be Children.

+On the prodigious gift of being the sister to my siblings: Siblinghood Does That to You.

+On becoming a mother and its impact on my identity and my relationship with my husband: Remaining Interesting.

+When you need a really good cry.

These are my favorite posts I’ve ever written and I have read through each and every email and comment on them dozens of times.  (At one point, I even shared my favorite Magpie comments of all time.  Thank you for your graciousness, your gentleness, your intelligence in setting me straight or building me up or cautioning me or seconding me.  And also — for just listening.  The most underrated of all talents.)

And if you want to know my absolute favorite things ever, check out my best of everything series.

Post Scripts.

+The most popular items I’ve featured on my blog this month: this fabulous cocktail dress and these dreamy joggers.  Could I love you any more, my readers?!   Gals who get dolled up but are eager to get home early and crawl into bed with soft cotton joggers and a good book (<<I should have mentioned this yesterday, but I’m currently reading this on the good word of my dear friend A.)

+Last night’s book club was electric, mind-broadening.  There was something so deeply satisfying about sitting among a quorum of brilliant women discussing this female-centric text in the cradle of creativity (aka, Inslee’s art studio).  Magic.  We voted (loosely) and have decided to read The Mermaid and Mrs. Hancock.  We also moved the in-person convening up to November 19th to accommodate travel schedules in case you are reading along in real time with us.  The streak of strong female writers continues!

+When I got to the floor of Inslee’s art studio, I smelled Diptyque Baies wafting down the hallway.  Only I came to find it wasn’t Diptyque’s Baies — it was this scent by Hawkins New York!  Inslee let us in on a little secret: “Life hack: how to get Diptyque without spending $70 on a candle.”  I’m curious whether their Hudson scent will be a sufficient dupe for my favorite fall/winter Diptyque scent: Feu de Bois.

+At the wedding I attended last weekend, the father of the groom extolled his son’s many virtues at the rehearsal dinner and said something I have been carrying around with me since: “Steve, every day, you do all the right things at all the right times.”  It was a perfect portrait of this dutiful, deeply good man — and put so simply and elegantly, too.  I have been thinking about his characterization daily as I march through my routines: am I living a life of comparable conscientiousness?

+I am writing a bit of fiction and in one scene, I imagine the main character wearing this.  I can’t see her in anything else but this.  The minute I saw that dress, it coalesced with the image of a Gatsby-esque party at a mansion in the Hamptons, the light tinkling of china and glass, the polite hum of conversation, the greenswards and the live nine-piece band with their brassy instruments and white gloves and the crunch of gravel as cars come and go in the cul de sac.  She must wear this dress.  I wonder if I should buy it now that it’s marked down so heavily, just in case I ever do anything with this bit of fiction, and just in case I should need to wear it to some future event where I can smugly tell myself: “This dress brought me here.”

+Also: Shopbop just added a ton of great finds to their sale section.  I love this Saloni (what a surprise), this striped tee dress (which I might buy and put away for next summer — the perfect dress for traipsing around Central Park with mini and my trusty GG sneakers), this floral blouse (for under joveralls!), these silver mules.  I’m not usually into a chunky heel like this, but I am dying over that print, and the overall look is geeky chic in a way I find compelling.  Would look so stylish paired with a classic trench coat!

+I get this question a lot: what’s a good gift for a new mom?  My neighbor just gave birth and I knew instantly what I would get her, which is what a dear friend of mine gave to me  a few days after mini was born: a big bag full of fancy sandwich fixings.  Think: Sir Kensington’s mayo, high-end pastrami and lacey swiss and rosemary ham and havarti, dijon mustard, fancy pickles, and bread from a really good local bakery.  I wrapped each item in cellophane and tied it with a big bow, and then also bagged up some kettle chips, chocolate covered raisins, and dried fruit.  Let me tell you: those first two or three weeks are a hazy blur and it somehow feels like you don’t have even a few minutes to make yourself something to eat.  Having the material to make a midnight sandwich — and a fancy one to boot — is like magic.  Strongly recommend.  I always keep a roll of cellophane, a stack of treat bags, and a huge spool of thick white satin ribbon on hand for these kinds of occasions.

+Of course, I couldn’t gift the parents something without also spoiling the baby.  I often give the Boppy as a gift because it was a true lifesaver for me (one big surprise of new motherhood: you need multiple places to put the baby throughout the day), but the tiny confines in which we New Yorkers live made me hesitate.  What if she already had a few places to stow the baby?  Instead, I went with a tried and true Kissy Kissy footie (<<I love this print because it’s not super frou-frou and girly, and this mama does not seem like she’d be that way; this brand makes THE softest jammies and you can never have enough on hand!) and a wubbanub.

+Random, but have I told you how much I love my brown sugar keepers?  I have one for light sugar and one for dark sugar.  For years I would grumble to myself as I’d reach into my brown sugar bag and find a stiff block.  Not so anymore.

 

Five stars.  In this epic re-imagining of the myth(s) of goddess Circe, Madeline Miller recasts a sorceress best known for transforming sailors into pigs in The Odyssey into a deeply empathetic, deeply human woman.  The writing is spring-loaded, pungent.  She favors metaphor over simile, and the payoff is huge: the prose moves with lean agility, propelling us breathlessly forward as we leap from imagistic line to imagistic line (a favorite: when she describes Odysseus as “The spiral shell.  Always another curve out of sight.”  (!!!))  This pacing urgency, this inexorability of plot, in fact seems to me one of the most remarkable achievements of the book: the conjuring of the present, awash in the interminable, unknowable, terrifying hopeful promise of what comes next.  Miller delivers to us only what Circe knows and feels at a given moment, singly revealing to us what is within her ken.  It is only over time, looking back over our shoulders, that we learn her mistakes and puzzle over the reflection we are able to glean through the interpretations of others, whether from Odysseus through the voice of Penelope or Pasiphae telling Circe that she hung too close to their father as a child.  This achievement is startling in the sense that — for those of us who have read the classics, and even many who have not — the storylines are familiar and we know how plot lines will end.  And yet I found myself anxiously hanging on every word, the imagery, the psychology so harrowing and new.

Many Magpies have already commented on and applauded the feminist slant of this work.  At one point, reflecting on her relationship with Odysseus, Circe herself states: “Later, years later, I would hear a song made of our meeting. I was not surprised by the portrait of myself, the proud witch undone before the hero’s sword, kneeling and begging for mercy. Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime for poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep.”  This book sets out to prove the opposite.  The female characters in this book are strong, empowered, and independent, their spirits and desires as wide and formidable as any man’s.  I think of Athena, of Medea, of course of Circe, and in particular of Scylla, that “bitch with a cliff for a heart.”  (Wow.)  Her enormous proportions, her nine-headedness, her insatiability, the fact that she kept her legs tucked into the side of a mountain so seafarers never fully understood the extent of her size — and that searing image of her falling limbs striking the water with tidal force when she is finally killed.  And then the recurring phrase Circe utters throughout the book: “you do not know what lies within me.”  It’s not quite posturing, either; she never fully knows the extent of her powers, even — or especially — when she realizes that her magic is more about will than anything else.  There are multiple points at which Circe is unsure of whether a particular spell will work or not; she, too, is unsure of the depths of her own determination, her own power.  But she uses this to her advantage, even maneuvering her selfish, hot-headed (pun intended!) father Helios to lift her exile by gesturing to the fact that he does not know what she is capable of.

This shapeless potency of Circe’s, the unknowable depth of her strength, is central to everything in the book, a kind of key to understanding what’s happening throughout.  Circe is part nymph, part god — not fullway either.  She is ejected by and disowned from her family, even before Helios makes the split official by exiling her — and yet she is still understood and identified through her familial connections.  She is jealous and cunning and vengeful, but also fair-minded and empathetic and compassionate.  She lives on an island far from much of the action of the world in which she lives, but she also embroils herself in much of its acrimony.  In other words, she is liminal.  Importantly, though, her liminality is wholly distinct from the kind to which she was relegated in The Odyssey, where she is presented as “yet another one of Odysseus’s challenges.”  In The Odyssey, she is the outcast sorceress whom the hero must outwit in order to prevent himself from being transformed into a pig.  What we learn in this retelling, of course, is that Circe has cast this spell not out of crackpot witchery but out of self-defense against the disgusting men who have tried to take advantage of her while alone.  In other words, we move from Circe as the flat ancillary “other” who must be conquered and whose story is wholly subjugated to the Grand Narrative of Odysseus the Explorer to Circe, the round central character whose depths cannot fully be plumbed.  She is unknowable in a different kind of way, even from the first line of the book, which sent shivers down my spine: “When I was born, the name for what I was did not exist.”  In this powerhouse opener, Miller shows us that Circe defies language.  She is so unknowable, she cannot been captured in words.  This is a startling way to open a book, if you think about it: Miller is pointing us to the unsophisticated bluntness of language even as she uses it herself.  There is something profound about the statement here that doubles back on itself when Circe describes her misguided portraits by bards: women like Circe have not yet been achieved in words, have not yet been fully liberated through language.  This book is an attempt to right that wrong, to name things as they are.

Circe Book Club Questions.

+Many of the classics begin in media res, or “in the middle of things.”  The Odyssey, for example, begins halfway through Odysseus’ wanderings rather than at the dawn of the Trojan War, which launched the narrative to begin with.  Madeline Miller’s Circe is more of a genesis story: it opens with Circe’s birth.  Why?

+Similarly, why does Circe’s story end when it does, with unfinished business to attend to, i.e., the state of conflict with her family and the departure of her beloved son?  (Or is there no unfinished business, to your mind?)

+What did you make of the description of Circe’s voice, a source of belittlement by her family and yet an advantage from time to time when she was interacting with mortals throughout her story?  Why was this detail mentioned so many times throughout the book?

+Did you relate to Circe?  At what point(s)?

+What did you make of her string of attractions to mortals — first Glaucos, then Daedalus, then Odysseus, and finally Telemachus?

+What did you make of the whole plot line where she transforms Glaucos into a god and then transforms Scylla into “her true self”?  What are your thoughts on those transformations and on what they revealed to Circe?

+How do you feel about Penelope?  What was her role in the book?

+What was the climax of the book do you think?  Why?  And what does this say about the central battle/challenge that Circe was grappling with?

November Book Club.

I am so torn on the book selection for November that I am going to have the ladies at my in-person book club this evening cast votes.  (Feel free to weigh in below in the comments, too — I’ll weigh your voices equally!)

+Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie.  This book is winning all kinds of awards and the snippet I read was highly captivating.  I am also salivating over this line from the NYT review: “Builds to one of the most memorable final scenes I’ve read in a novel this century.”   Wowza.  The book purports to be about the push and pull of family, personal ambition, and love, with three siblings at its heart.

+An Unnecessary Woman by Rabih Alameddine.  I mentioned at the end of our last book club that maybe we should permit some male authors into our little feminist knot.  This seems a particular piquant choice given the title and the fact that the author is a man who tells a personal narrative from the perspective of an elderly female.  This alone intrigued me.  It has also won dozens of awards.  It is described as “a breathtaking portrait of one reclusive woman’s late-life crisis, which garnered a wave of rave reviews and love letters to Alameddine’s cranky yet charming septuagenarian protagonist, Aaliya, a character you “can’t help but love.”

+The Mermaid and Mrs. Hancock by Imogen Gowar.  This book was effusively reviewed by Madeline Miller herself as “completely transporting.”  It is an imaginative novel set in in 1780s London, when “a prosperous merchant finds his quiet life upended when he unexpectedly receives a most unusual creature—and meets a most extraordinary woman.”  The book “examines our capacity for wonder, obsession, and desire with all the magnetism, originality, and literary magic of The Essex Serpent.”

I’ll update you with next month’s pick tomorrow.  Let’s plan on convening Thursday, November 29th to discuss!  Local New York ladies: email me if you want to be on the list for details for the in-person convening!

Post Scripts.

+I loved Circe so much that I already purchased Ursula Le Guin’s Lavinia, a VERY well-reviewed retelling of Virgil’s Aenid from the perspective of Lavinia, the king’s daughter with whom the hero is destined to found an empire.  I’ve heard much about Le Guin, who is better known for her science fiction works, but never read anything of hers, largely owing to her chosen genre.  (Though, maybe I should try?)  Anyway, I can’t wait to get started on this one but might need a breather from the classics first.

+If Circe were alive today (and…non-mythical), I’m pretty sure she’d be wearing this.

+I wore these hot pink Aquazzura kitten heels to the rehearsal dinner of one of my dearest friends last weekend and got so many compliments on them.  It made me wonder why I don’t wear more hot pink — I used to wear the color all.the.time but have shied away in recent years.  I promptly added this to my Shopbop cart and swooned over these.

+Ordered these for mini.  She had a pair of this brand’s animal boots last year and they are the snugliest, cutest things my eyes ever did see.  Speaking of snuggly animal footwear — OMG.

+Adore these tartan loafers and OMG these tweed ones!

+I love my faux Goyard iPhone case and all, but these ones are SO cute!  Especially love this one and this one.

+I like a good quilted field coat.  Mine is Barbour, but this one nails the look for $40 and this one is everything.

+Very into this oversized blazer situation.

+It’s never too early in my book.  Related: I’m pretty sure I need this.

+THIS JUMPSUIT!  So ladylike and chic.  I want to wear it with black suede pumps and pretend like I work in fih-non-se (finance) for a minute.

+Love this sweatshirt.

+Don’t ask me how, but this chic varsity jacket is somehow marked down from nearly $700 to $144.  LOVE IT.

P.S. Last month’s book club pick, how my book club has taught me how to read all over again, and the best bags for everyday adventures.

I have been vacillating towards two extremes in my cool weather dressing: either predominantly black or ultra feminine.  Today I’m in the latter camp, inspired by feathers, pearls, and sorbet colors, as shown by the moodboard below.

Volume at Cecilie Bahnsen // Feathers at Rochas // Minnow Swim Resort Collection // Loulou de Saison in Erdem // Bows at Delpozo // Pearls by Jimmy Choo (variation here) // gorgeous mini dresses by Estelle Milano

The Fashion Magpie Feminine Moodboard

A couple of items I’m drooling over (click on images to access details or see links and notes below):


+Flower earrings (under $60!);

+Zimmermann sweater (to die — get the look for less with this);

+Tory Burch Clara Flat (adore in this new colorway);

+Rebecca Vallance slip dress (saucy and sweet and importantly ON SALE);

+Wandler handbag;

+Maiami cardigan — just love this color and have been considering this cashmere crew in a similar color;

+Nicola Bathie earrings (<<on sale for under $65);

+Veronica Beard blouse (obsessed — get the look for less with this);

+Alexandre Birman velvet heels;

+White feather dress;

+Loeffler Randall feather clutch;

+Pearl embellished sweater;

+Moncler puffer (love and lust);

+Sorel boots;

+Cashmere beanie;

+Another chic Moncler puffer (loveeeee!);

+Slouch socks.  OK I have to say something about these.  I bought them when I was headed to the hospital to give birth to mini because I heard that you would have to walk up and down the hall in your bare feet if you didn’t — and also that hospitals tend to be cold and you’d want them.  I was initially unsure about these because they are a “slouchy” fit — they don’t stay snug around your calf.  But gradually I have fallen in love with them.  They are the softest, plushest sock EVER and I love sleeping in them when I’m super cold.  Thinking of buying a pair for my mom’s stocking…

+Blanket coat.  Different style, but also love the soft sorbet colors of this cocoon coat!

OK and FINALLY — not shown above: this adorable sweater!!!

P.S.  What makes you feel good about yourself?

P.P.S.  Lessons learned from siblings.

P.P.P.S.  Are you a town mouse or country mouse?

My Latest Snag: Shiseido Facial Cotton.

For months now I have been dissatisfied by one element of my skincare routine: the micellar water step.  Not because of the micellar solution itself, but because of the application experience.  Those cotton round pads are the worst.  They’re either not absorbent enough or too absorbent and I feel like half of the micellar water spills onto my counter or seeps through to my fingers.  And cotton balls aren’t any better — they’re too small and soggy.  It dawned on me one day as I grumped my way through this step of my bedtime routine that I am probably not the first Nobel Laureate to make such a dazzling observation, and that there was probably a solution out there.  Enter Shiseido’s Facial Cotton.  Is this one of those secrets everyone else knows about?!  Over 1000 five star reviews?!  It can’t be true.  I debated between Shiseido and Koh Gen Do’s variation (epic reviews as well) but went with Shiseido because it costs less but seems just as well-loved.  Anyone else on board to up her beauty regimen in the smallest but loveliest of ways?  (FYI: more recent beauty snags here, along with super honest reviews.)

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Feathered Dress.

The most popular items on Le Blog this week:

+Feathered dress OMG OMG.  (A major trend this season!)  But get this: I found the dress on sale here!

+A turtleneck sweatshirt?  Yes pls.  Love the way this novel neckline elevates a standard sweatshirt.

+It’s sweater dress season.

+This sweater keeps almost selling out.  Love this or this as an alternative.

+A perfect holiday dress (maternity friendly too?)

+The prettiest sweater.

+Our new toothbrushes.

#Turbothot: Bloom Where You Are Planted.

I attended an alumni event for my high school a few nights ago and, when my headmaster from days of yore stood and addressed us, he shared that the theme for this academic year, a quote from St. Francis de Sales: “Bloom where you are planted.”

Amidst polite applause and genteel nods, I felt something tighten inside.  My knee-jerk reaction to the quote was: “I don’t like that.”  Are we meant to passively accept the conditions of our lives and “make do”?  I wondered.  What about initiative?  What about planting ourselves where we know we will bloom?  I was startled by the angst of my own reaction.  Where was this coming from?  Blurry impressions of the events of the last five or ten years floated, mirage-like, through my mind — our decision to  move to Chicago, our decision to leave our jobs, our decision to start a business, our decision to buy a home, our decision to start a family, our decision to move to New York.  I realized I was adopting a gesture of defense in running through the zig zag of professional and personal decisions I have made.  I wasn’t planted anywhere, I was thinking, dangling halfway between guilt and haughtiness. I feel a tremendous responsibility for the decisions I have made, for the seeming missteps and also the triumphs.  I am accountable for what I have done in my life.

A meaty breakthrough amidst the clinking of glasses of chardonnay and the trays of crab cakes: this is how I see myself in relation to my life at thirty-four.  There have been other times in my life where I have more strongly sensed God’s hand in all things, big and small, where I have welcomed the prospect of fate: Will I go to graduate school?  Where?  Will we live in D.C. or move?  And it’s not that I don’t believe God is shaping my life now; it’s that, at this time in my life, for whatever reason, I have a powerful conviction that I am an agent of change in my life and that I must own what I do.

Once I had relaxed into this observation, I found the St. Francis quote far more palatable, cottoning to its half-full mentality, to its optimistic emphasis on the adaptability of the human spirit.  And, wouldn’t you know it, I replayed the quote to myself just yesterday, as I found myself inwardly whining about the afternoon walks I take three days a week with mini and Tilly in tow.  I have come to dread these walks because mini has just woken up from her nap and is not in the mood to go straight into her stroller, and so we spend ten minutes wandering around the apartment, me trailing her with snacks and shoes and cajoling words while she putters around, refusing to comply, until an unseemly battle of the wills takes place as I strap her into her stroller.  Meanwhile, Tilly’s whining so much she’s worked herself up into a tizzy that inevitably boils over into a barking session at — who knows, the wind? the sound of wheels down the hallway? a leaf against the window? — and dozens of lunges at the squirrels currently overpopulating Central Park.  As I mentally indexed all of the reasons why I dislike this afternoon walk, I thought about the quote and my cheeks burned.  I realized St. Francis’ quote actually does have a lot to do with owning the conditions of our lives: I have the opportunity to thrive, to mature, to enjoy the circumstances my life if I put my mind to it.

I’ll probably still grumble from time to time when my arm is nearly ripped from its socket for the fourth time in our loop around the ballfields as Tilly lunges after a squirrel, but I also pledge to appreciate this part of our day, squirrels and stroller battles and all.  With applications to twos programs in full swing, I am realizing that my days with just the three of us girls at home are numbered, and that one day I will look back with heady nostalgia about our cozy and slightly chaotic walks through the Park.  Oh, life was crazy and fun, I’ll think as I look over at a graying pooch and a school-aged mini.  And I will regret not having bloomed where I was planted, here right on Central Park in 2018 in an apartment I love with a family I adore.

#Shopaholic: New Must-Have Toy.

+Apparently these are a new craze among the kiddos.

+Gave my mother-in-law a pair of these along with a few other goodies for her birthday this year.  Another great go-to gift if you’re really up a creek.  They are the best, coziest slippers ever.

+Have had a need for “everyday” dresses to wear to various events where the occasion is nothing too fancy, but calls for something nicer than jeans and a sweater.  I love this, this, and this.

+Ordered this.  I’m always looking for soft knits to slip in/pair with my dreamy joggers.

+How chic are these monogrammable notebooks?  I’m normally a devotee of Moleskine cahiers because they have no spine and I’m a lefty or Leuchtterms because I like the hard cover for when I’m schlepping them around in my bag.  But those monogrammable ones have my eye — love their size!  I always like a slightly larger space to write on.

+OK, this is stunning.  Saloni does it again.

+This eucalyptus wreath is amazing.

+How adorable are these ornaments?!

+OMG this coat for a little lass.

P.S. — Had a lot of questions about the faux Goyard laptop case I found on Amazon.  I ordered it in the large because it indicated that its dimensions would fit my 15″ Macbook.  I was impressed with the quality (the zipper was maybe the only part of it that looked cheap) but my laptop would NOT fit!  What a bummer.  On the fence about whether to keep and use as a pouch/clutch situation or return…BUT if you have a smaller laptop, I would definitely recommend it!

 

There is a section of Circe (full review forthcoming but it is gooooooooooood) to which I related deeply.  Circe has just discovered that she possesses magical powers, but it is not until her brother Aetees smugly explains them to her that she understands their extent.  She is startled, maybe a bit chastised, by this discovery and by Aetees seemingly easy grasp of them.  You can see herself refashioning her own image as she digests the information.  Aha, that is who I am.

It calls to mind my father’s casual “you run cool” comment and the way it shaped my understanding of myself.  And it also reminds me of a conversation with my sister many years ago, in her apartment on the Upper East Side (before she got fancy and moved to London).  We were sizing up a friend of ours who had shown some questionable decision-making.

“You know, there are those kinds of people who just seem like they’d run out of their way to help someone else, and others who…well, wouldn’t,” she said.  “Landon is obviously the first kind.  This guy’s the other.”

I relished the second-hand compliment as quickly as I agreed with her.  When I relayed the story to Mr. Magpie, he said: “Really?  She said that?”  And I could see him ticking through his rolodex of memories with my sister, wondering what had given her that (undoubtedly true) impression.

It is a strange thought that others might know us better than we know ourselves, that in many ways we learn who we are through their prism.  How people describe you, what they ask of you, when and why they call on you for advice or support — we spend time wondering about these, reading between the lines.  Is that what she thinks of me?  Why would she think I would get along with so-and-so?  Sometimes I think I could be a handier friend by painting a picture proactively.  I was thinking the other day: wouldn’t it be kind to send a friend a note out of the blue reminding them of — thanking them, really — for their virtues, making sure they see those best bits of themselves when it is easier to focus on the problem areas?  I should do this.

My Dad has told me many times that he sat down one afternoon in his mid-40s and wrote a letter to his own father.  In it, he thanked him, in detail, for his wonderful traits, for his lessons, for his generosities of one kind and another.  “I’m always glad I took the time to write that down,” my Dad has said, and we both nod at what is omitted from that sentence: before he passed away.

I have gotten into the habit of hand-writing thank you notes to my parents every now and then for their extravagant care and love.  I hope they see in these notes the incredible people they are, how deeply good and fair and tender-hearted.  But I could stand to do this more often, too.

So today, I have decided to clear my desk, open my inbox, tap in the name of a dear friend, and let them know why I love them.  Care to join?

#lovelettertoafriend — it’s a thing now?

Post Scripts.

+In case you want to go the extra mile with this, writing a hand-written letter is pretty much le ultimate.  Consider these chic Kate Spade cards, this stunning personalized stationery (<<the liners!!!), this splashy personalized set, or these letterpress cards.

+Gifts for girlfriends.

+Testing a sample of this cleanser I received while away for the weekend.  Full report soon but the reviews are compelling!

+This just arrived (I got the yellow-gold) and it is even better than expected.  I actually can’t believe the pricetag on it — how is it under $150 when so many of their other sweaters are well north of $300!?

+These nubby shoes!!!!  LOVE!  These are the kinds of shoes I can totally legitimize.  On the surface — what?!  They are so specific; I’ll only be able to wear them with like two outfits.  But no no my friend.  These are called “game changing shoes,” meaning when you look in your closet and feel “meh,” you pull on your black skinnies and a black sweater and throw on these shoes and instantly transform yourself into a cool girl.  Done.

+A $51 steal of a cocktail party dress.  Love the idea of this with some simple black pumps.  60s glam.

+Love the dimensions of this nubby sweater.

+OMG THESE FOR MINI ARE SO EXTRA.  Or these for a cool little boy.

+A great, well-priced toggle coat for a little lad.

+A controversial post: the weight of words.

+A heart-warming post: the same and not the same.

What a delightful treat to wake up to news of another royal baby.  (Honeymoon baby?! #Nosy.)  Why are we Americans so interested in the royal family though?  I think it’s partly the externalized social order there (American society is just as stratified but not as explicit about it with titles, lineage, etc?) and partly the fairy tale of it all.  A prince!  A wedding!  A baby!  Mon dieu.  (For fellow royalty admirers, consider the delicious novel The Royal We for a delightful way to pass a weekend, and be sure to follow the Instagram handle @garyjanetti for hilarious royal commentary.)  Anyway, below, I shared some thoughts on gifts fit for Harry and Meghan’s prince or princess…(click images to access details or see links below!)

+Burberry Quilted Jacket.

+Beatrix Potter stuffed animal.

+Classic t-strap shoes.

+Wooden blocks.

+Peter Rabbit baby china set.

+Petite Plume jammies.

+Peugeot ride-on car.

+Lunt piggy bank.

+La Coqueta dress.  I absolutely adore this line of Spanish baby clothing — heirloom quality.  Also adore their knit sets.  (A dress from Luli & Me or Amaia would also be a classic.)

+Hermes booties.  Ultra splurge.  Ralph Lauren’s Briley slippers are also a classic for far less.

+Tiffany comb.  An aunt gave this to mini and it is such a beautiful keepsake.

+Any of the Maileg mice toys are to die for.  My mother-in-law and I swoon over the catalogs and have gone in together preemptively on a few gift sets for future celebrations with mini.

+Little Giraffe chenille blanket.  We received so many blankets when mini was born, but this was our absolute favorite.  It’s still the one mini sleeps with every night.  (And it’s held up well in the wash!)

+Jacquard coat.

+Wicker doll pram.  I mean…!  Fairy godmother gift.

+Peep’s Paper Products baby book.  The most elegant baby book I ever did see.

+De Buci Baby sleepsack.  I wanted one of these badly for mini but never splurged!  What an elegant and extravagant gift.  I love their fabrics.

+Kissy Kissy jammies.  In my opinion, the unrivaled pajama for newborns.  The softest cotton, the sweetest patterns.

+D. Porthault baby pillow.

Not shown above, but equally gorgeous as a baby gift: a classic hardcover book, like The Velveteen Rabbit; a huge stuffed animal; a personalized LLBean tote.

P.S.  I also wrote about the royal children’s attire at Pippa’s wedding awhile ago (so darling) and, more recently, shared a roundup of my favorite sources for formal attire for mini.

P.P.S.  Gifts for friends.

P.P.P.S.  My complete baby registry.

I wouldn’t have thought it a few years ago, but I’ve come around to the denim overall as a wardrobe staple.  And not just any pair of overalls.  These, from Madewell.  I have been asked about them dozens of times, including recently, by several members of my book club who asked where I’d gotten my farmer frans (I wore them to the last book club with a frilly white blouse and my GGs).  They have a magical kind of stretch that elongates and slims the body.  Don’t ask me how or why — just order yourself a pair and revel in the lift and length they afford, and the bedeviling feeling of being a child again.

I also own a pair of white denim overalls I found at Old Navy at all places very similar to these that I lived in during the spring, pairing them with Kule striped tees.

I have been eyeing this pair in black, too, and in case my Madewell tried-and-trues just don’t fit you right, check out these from Free People, which have a similar ethos.

Finally, I saw a pregnant lady rocking a pair of overalls with neon pink (!) high-top (!!) Golden Goose (!!!) sneakers and did a quadruple take.  She looked epically chic.  I think she might have been wearing this pair from Hatch, but there are lots of less expensive options out there, including these, these, and these.

Personally, I like to layer frilly/feminine blouses underneath my joveralls to create visual tension.  There’s something startling and chic about a floral peeking out from underneath some farmer frans.  A few of my top picks for blouses:

THIS JACQUARD SLEEVED STYLE ($50!)

THIS ELEGANTLY DETAILED CHLOE (LOOKS HANDMADE!)

THIS STUNNING FLORAL

THIS EYELET MOCKNECK, WHICH I OWN — LOOKS LIKE AN ULLA!

THIS BLOCK-PRINT, REMINISCENT OF MY SUMMER-LONG AFFAIR WITH SZBLOCKPRINTS

THIS PRAIRIE-CHIC BLOUSE ($39!)

THIS FRILLED SWEATER (GET THE LOOK FOR LESS WITH THIS)

THIS FROTHY WHITE (I OWN A SIMILAR STYLE FROM VERONICA BEARD THAT I WEAR CONSTANTLY)

ANY OF THE TUCKER CLASSIC BLOUSES — MY SISTER USED TO DESIGN FOR THIS LABEL AND I HAVE SEVERAL BLOUSES/DRESSES FROM HERE THAT I STILL LOVE AND WEAR

P.S.  You might also consider any of these.

P.P.S.  Affordable luxuries and fall/winter micro-trends you need to know about.

No, really.  All boots purchased henceforth must be amenable to a predominantly pedestrian lifestyle — and fare well while schlepping mini and a stroller up and down subway stairs.  In other words, they must bear a low or block heel and cannot in any way, shape, or form resemble these impractical beauties of lives past.  True story: I bought those excessively priced Iro stunners three or four years ago and essentially broke my ankles trying to wear them for a full season.  They are impossible to wear!  There is no ankle support so you’re just kind of balancing your feet on a high cone and hoping to God you manage to make it the block to your dinner reservation.  Ah, youthful fashion folly.

Today, I’m sharing my top picks for the best fall 2018 boots.

Top Picks for White Booties.

I’m largely inspired by the vision of chic but practical beauty above, aka Alicia Vikander, aka my number one girl crush.  (She is just…perfect.  And if you like that teddy coat she’s wearing — so do I, and I don’t figure myself as much of a Kate Moss teddy coat type.  She’s wearing Whistles’ Yara coat, but they no longer make it in the nubby fabric.  You might try this instead — more colors here — or this affordable Zara or or this longer style.)  Anyway, white booties aren’t for everyone (I get it), but don’t they look insanely chic?

+These Sam Edelmans nail the Alicia look, and at $140, they won’t make you choke too badly if you end up retiring the white boot style in 2019 or 2020.

+I like the Scandi-sleekness of these by Splendid ($149).  They have an Ikea-like appeal that I cotton to and — i I mean — who can say no to that bow?

+Alexandre Birman’s Kitties.  If you’re going to go big, these are your ticket.

Top Picks for High Boots.

+In general, I like a high-shaft boot.  I’ve been a convert ever since I bought my first pair of Loeffler Randall Matildes, which I still wear to this day.  They are so well-made and so elegantly styled.  You can still find a few pairs (and some at epic prices) on Amazon.  Just a gorgeous boot, and I love the simple little wedge heel.  WTTW: they run narrow.

+I love the 70s slouch of these boots by Steven, and in such great staple colors, too.  Layer over jeans or beneath a flowy floral for fall.

+Flat out gorgeous.  Love the simple embellishment of those three gold dots.  It’s all ya need.

Top Picks for Ankle Boots.

+Y’all know I’m a broken record on this topic, but these Birman beauties are perfection.

+You can get the Birman look for less with these or these.

+These by Taryn Rose are saucy, and I LOVE these snakeskin beauties, chunky heel and all.  And I’m not usually a chunky heel girl.

Top Picks for Shearling Boots.

+I love shearling right now.  How good is this shearling Chanel bag?!  I lust after these by The Row.  They look crazy comfortable and also eye-catchingly different from what you see on the street.  I feel like you’d need long, fawn-like legs to pull them off though.

+I was drawn to these moto boots by Sigerson Morrison.  They’re probably too edgy for my general style, but then again…can you imagine them paired with dark skinnies, a bow-front blouse, and a nubby Chanel-esque jacket?!  TO DIE.

Top Picks for Inclement Weather.

+I love my Sorel Joan of Arctic boots.  I bought them while enduring the winters of Chicago (they are impervious to water and crazy warm) and feel they were well-worth the investment.  I love them in that updated white/cream situation.

+I’m tickled by these snow boots.  They’re retro-fab and would look RIDIC for apres-ski, especially with a bright fair isle sweater.

+These rainboots in the rose color!  Absolutely precious!

P.S.  The ultimate fall wardrobe.

P.P.S.  Grey Goose-esque but without the pricetag.  Also, Veja is a cool brand in its own right so #winwinwin.

P.P.P.S.  The sense of an ending.

*Image above from Claiborne Swanson Frank’s gorgeous photography book on modern motherhood, Mother & Child.

There is an episode of Family Guy where Brian (the dog) finds out he’s a father and seemingly immediately becomes a bleeding heart whenever a child is mentioned.  The subtext is that once someone becomes a parent, she/he also adopts a kind of “concerned adult” persona, emoting around the welfare of children everywhere–and that it’s a little disingenuous, a little haughty.

Mr. Magpie and I loved this snipe when we first watched it, well before mini was a twinkle in our eyes.  It was around the time the first of my friends were having the first of their babies, in my mid to late 20s.  I would watch with bewilderment as friends who had just a few years prior anointed themselves “Queen of Beer Pong,” or flitted from suitor to suitor with the unimpressed, callous air of a goddess among mortals, or involved themselves in the petty drama of twenty-something college grads would suddenly transform into sensitive, mature parents, ones who sent Christmas cards with professional photos on them and posed their children with placards indicating their age or achievements and nodded knowingly to one another about the triumphs and travails of parenting.  I would marvel at their metamorphoses, lingering halfway between disbelief and envy.  How can it happen so quickly?  I would muse, prodding at them in various unkind ways to determine whether it was an act.  Are they Brian-ing?  And at the same time: I want that.

Nowadays, Mr. Magpie will occasionally reign me when I’m wandering into prudish patronizing parent territory:

Me: “Oh my God, but with a baby involved!?!??”

Mr. Magpie: “OK, Brian.”

He’ll also call me out when I’ve talked too long about baby gear or inadvertently bored a guest to tears while talking about preschools (sorry, B).  I appreciate these rejoinders.  They remind me that motherhood is a part of me — not a version of me and not all of me — and also that, for me, matrescence did not happen overnight.  These truths of my motherhood are hard-earned and worthy of frequent revisiting — hard-earned in the sense that it took me time and soul-searching and nontrivial swells of guilt to admit them to myself, so conditioned I have been to expect certain things of my experience as a mother.  In other words, his gentle retorts are a plea for truthfulness.

But the truth is this: it is difficult to hear a story or watch a movie in which a child’s safety is at risk without immediately imagining the worst befalling my own.  I had to stop watching Sharp Objects because I found the topic and imagery sickening to the point of guilt-inducing: why am I watching this?  I don’t even want to think about this.  And when I re-read Arundhati Roy’s The God of Small Things a year or so ago (one of the top 10 books that I believe will change your life), I felt ill the entire way through in a way I hadn’t when I’d read the masterpiece the first and second times.  I was watching the new Jack Ryan series last night and for goodness sakes, damned if I didn’t feel that familiar tug of maternal concern: ohhh, that little girl, Sara!  Get her away from that sooty black-toothed villain!  (If you watch, you know!)  When Sara runs to her mother in pursuit of comfort, I couldn’t help but transpose onto the story the many cries I have quieted in mini, the many tears I have wiped from her cheeks.  I felt something dig in: I will never stop protecting her.  I will never let trouble befall her if I can help it.

One of the great surprises of parenting has been access to deeper channels of empathy.  I feel myself connect with other moms instantly.  Just this past weekend, I saw a new mom struggling to breastfeed her two- or three-week-old baby on a bench in Central Park, and my heart softened for her.  The confusion of those early months, the rising panic I was sure she was feeling as her child screamed and she fumbled around the mechanics of the latch, the sweaty strangulation of those damned nursing covers.  I knew how she felt, and I wanted to go to her.  Instead, I just smiled and nodded at her as if to say — “you’re doing it!  you’re doing well!” — and she brushed some hair out of her eyes and smiled back.  (I should have said it, though — should have offered: “Good job, mom!”  Sometimes we need to hear it.)  More than once, I have scooped a child up off the playground floor or steered him out of the danger of kicking feet at the swing-set — and other parents have done the same for me.

But there is also another truth that I have carried with me for decades, one that brought tears to my eyes when I first learned of it years ago, before I could even remotely relate to its significance, and which now takes my breath away when I think of it because I can imagine it but couldn’t possibly endure it.

My paternal grandmother had three children, and one of them was a girl — her beloved, the apple of her eye, my vivacious and bright-eyed aunt.  Cancer took her when I was nine, and my grandmother was heartbroken.

“That was her baby girl,” my Dad said, attempting to explain her sorrow to me.  I nodded with wide eyes, sad but bewildered by the size of their grief, at the thought that an adult could be a baby to somebody else.

When my grandmother passed away not long after, my father went through the belongings in her home in Painesville, Ohio, a horrifically lachrymose task I cannot bear to imagine.  Among her possessions was a calendar she had kept marking her busy social agenda: her bridge games, her social gatherings at the country club, her dinners on the town, her visits by children and grandchildren.  My grandparents were an effervescent, socially graceful duo well-loved by their friends, their community.  My grandmother used to show me off to her friends when I’d come to visit, calling to other women in the grocery store to come see me — “Oh, Carm!” they’d say, “She looks just like a little Pat.”  And they’d chat happily, joyously with one another.  Her cluttered agenda stood as a testament to her ebullience, the richness of her friendships.

But then, halfway through the pages: “Pat died today,” written in loopy pencil script, and then nothing after.  

“That was her baby girl,” my father again explained.  “She was how she kept time.”

Oh.  I know now.  She was how she kept time.  The all-consuming centricity of parenthood, the reframing of all things, the centripetal force of my daughter.  The way I will remember moving to New York through the lens of her eight-month-old self, the cramped and harried naps she took in a pack-and-play in the corner of our hotel room, or in my arms on the unmade bed, back when she was little enough to endure my tremulous voice on stressed phone calls and still sleep soundly through it all.  The way I will think of the steps in our first home in Chicago through the prism of the sharp pain I felt ascending and descending them for the first few times after my c-section, wanting desperately to get to her but unable to move with more speed.  The way my meals, my available times for phone calls, my weekend plans conform to her waking schedule.  The way memories entirely unrelated to mini — even my first trip away from her — are in some way marked by her: the photo Mr. Magpie sent of he, mini, and Tilly in our bed, my absence from it an ache.  The thud of her feet running to greet me at the door.

She was how she kept time.

I feel in that phrase a depth of grief I can’t plumb, but I understand it nonetheless.  You might think me a Brian, but I know now.  I embrace the incongruity of existing as my own self and living entirely in her orbit.

She is how I keep time.

Post Scripts.

Hard to follow the post above with anything but a deep sigh.  I have been clinging to the image of my grandmother’s half-empty calendar for decades now, unsure of what to do with it but mourn.  But today it feels good to share it with you, along with some other random observations to buoy our spirits on a Tuesday:

+FYI — you can now search my site!  If you go to the upper right hand corner of my blog, you’ll see a small magnifying glass icon at the top right.  Click and search.  I know things can be difficult to find because I write in a longer form than is common in the blogosphere, and I often tail-end my musings with a list of various and sundry discoveries.  Hopefully this helps!

+Today is the final day of Ralph Lauren’s Friends & Family Sale.  I use this time as an excuse to buy items for mini that never go on sale — like their darling quilted jackets and cashmere sweaters.  Incidentally, this would be a great time to pick up a timeless gift for a new baby: one of these classic flag sweaters or a pair of Briley slippers.

+Speaking of Polo and sale, I have no idea why, but Nordstrom Rack currently has men’s undershirts on super sale, and this is the only brand Mr. Magpie will wear.  I stocked up majorly for him.

+I am drooling over these velvet, bow-embellished heels!  The perfect shoe for holiday parties.

+THIS COAT.  WOW.

+Outnet has a bunch of great new arrivals in — a lot of which remind me of #royalstyle.  (Did anyone else enjoy lingering over photos from Princess Eugenie’s nuptials?)  I love the slightly prim, old-world feel of the dressing, usually offset by a saucily tilted bit of millinery.  Anyway, Outnet has a couple of Kate Middleton-esque finds, like this sweater weather Raoul, this rich green shirtdress, and this fluted-sleeved column dress.  All good prices and all excellent picks for Thanksgiving and other autumnal festivities.

+I’ve spotted a couple of well-priced, open-weave sweaters that feel super on trend right now: this with its dramatic cuff/sleeve and this with its cheery colors.

+This topcoat is classy.

+I now own this tee in about five colors.  Perfect layering piece.

+For minis: how cute are these?!  And I already ordered these in the camel color.  Duh.