I didn’t have my act together at the last convening of our Magpie Book Club (digital and in-person both), so I am excited to now share our January Book Club pick: Carson McCullers’ The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter. This book was initially published in 1940 by a 23-year-old McCullers, and it took the literary scene by surprise. How could a 23 year old write with such depth and finesse?! My brother has raved about this book for the better part of the last decade (he’s a literature professor, so you should trust him), my father and sister — both avid readers — loved it, and it was more recently touted by the Oprah Book Club and various other literary organizations recognizing the book’s power some 70 years after its debut. The book is about the deaf-mute John Singer, who “becomes the confidant for various types of misfits in a Georgia mill town during the 1930s. Each one yearns for escape from small town life. When Singer’s mute companion goes insane, Singer moves into the Kelly house, where Mick Kelly, the book’s heroine (and loosely based on McCullers), finds solace in her music.”
Let’s finish the book by January 14th. Local Magpies: I’ll send out an email on the in-person convening shortly. (If you’re in NYC and want to join, shoot me an email at jennifer@thefashionmagpie.com.)
Runner up for this month’s book club pick was Kamila Shamsie’s HomeFire (for the second month running — sorry, Kamila! We’ll get to you!) We’ll likely read this one in February if anyone is looking for something else to read.
Finally, I am currently reading — and enjoying — Liane Moriarty’s Nine Perfect Strangers (she wrote Big Little Lies). I had heard that the book was not as good as her earlier work; a few readers suggested that maybe the success of BLL had gotten to her and that she was now more concerned with writing for a potential screenplay adaptation. But — I am finding it delightfully easy to read. Her word choice often surprises me (in a good way) and elevates what might otherwise be pedestrian chick lit into something in a different stratosphere. I’m only 20% through, but the pace is strong and the characters archly-drawn.
What else are you reading?!
Post-Scripts.
+Everlane very generously sent me this gorgeous waffle-knit cashmere sweater (in ivory!) and I have been wearing it everywhere. I love the slightly boxy fit and of course the luxurious cashmere. I have actually been wearing it with winter white denim and my TB bow flats (I own them in the taupe / “goan sand” color) — though I think the look would look equally fab paired with these gamine loafers.
+I cannot stop talking about this Ouai leave-in conditioner. I actually should have added it to my Christmas gift round-up — it’d be a solid gift for a girlfriend or a gift exchange among colleagues or what have you. This stuff is INCREDIBLE. My hair tends to get dry in the winter between the heat, the static, and the fact that I highlight it a few times a year. I apply this to damp hair and it serves as a detangler and glosser while keeping my hair smooth and…hydrated? Not sure what the right word is there. And it smells.like.heaven. Do yourself a favor if you suffer from dry winter hair and snag a bottle.
+While on the topic of hair, I am uber curious about Goop’s Himalayan Salt Scalp Scrub. The editors at Into the Gloss raved about it: “I have unruly hair and have always dreaded shampoo nights—until someone gave me the Goop Scalp Scrub. Now washing my hair is an ACTIVITY. It’s a soft, whipped cream-like mousse with Himalayan salt in it—really satisfying to dip your fingers into. It turns into a cloud when you rub-a-dub your scalp with it, and strips the lengths of buildup as you rinse it off, leaving your head squeaky clean and smelling of essential oils. It’s a clean, color friendly formula, and I love that I only need to shampoo once, yet my hair stays clean longer than with other shampoos I’ve tried. I wish I wasn’t hooked on $42 shampoo, but not being worried about aligning my hair washing schedule with my workout schedule makes it worth it.”
+Also beauty-related: has anyone tried Glossier’s Lash Slick mascara? I consider myself something of a mascara expert (ha), having tried about two dozen over the course of my career as a lash-obsessed gal. This stuff keeps coming up in conversation with ladies who know a thing or two about cosmetics. Intrigued.
When I was little, my father smoked cigars. Not all the time — but enough that I knew what a humidor was and not to play with it. He would often take me out on the golf course with him on weekends, his preferred venue for cigar smoking. I loved riding in the cart, washing the golf balls in those little stands with the bristles, and keeping score on the gridded card clipped to the wheel with the tiny red pencil and its ultra-sharp tip — the bric a brac of country club golf that together weave a textured nostalgia heavily perfumed by the lingering scent of cigar. He would toss his cigar on the grass while teeing off, a habit I found both disgusting (what if bugs got in? what if dirt wound up on the tip he smoked from?) and symmetric with who he was: the type of man who would swat away cobwebs with a bare hand, who would shruggingly glance at his dry and cracked hands when my mother would tell him to “please put on some hand lotion.” I never commented on this habit, though. My Dad was my Dad and he did what he did. If he ingested bugs and dirt accidentally, so be it. I didn’t question.
One day, I followed him out to his workshed behind the garage, the smell of cigar a veritable smoke signal alerting me to his whereabouts. I putzed around the tidy rows of carpenter drawers, which always seemed far more interesting from afar; up close, they were just drawers of washers and screws. I afforded his worktable a wide berth, knowing that we weren’t meant to get within an arm’s length of the router and other sharp tools on his workspace. He was building a revolving bookcase for my mother. Tchaikovsky was blasting out of the stereo. Cigar smoke plumed behind him.
“What are you doing?” I asked, tracing my finger along a row of shelves, though I knew the answer.
“Building a bookcase,” he said. “It’s good to work with your hands.” Then, after a meditative pause, a puff from the cigar: “You don’t build anything with the law.”
A few years later, my father quit smoking. My younger sister had launched an anti-smoking campaign in our household. In a fit of self-righteous rage, she had gone into my father’s humidor and snapped his expensive cigars in two. I expected punishment for my sister, my eyes wide at the thought of her transgression. Not only had she damaged something in my father’s tidy, wood-paneled study — but she had done it in protest. She had stood up to my father and, well, the thought of standing up to him had never dawned on me.
But my father received the news quietly. He was contemplative.
“Is Elizabeth in trouble?” I asked.
“No. She’s right. I shouldn’t smoke.” And just like that, my father quit smoking, cold-turkey, unexpectedly, one Friday, at the behest of my little sister.
Someone was smoking a cigar in Central Park over the weekend, and the smell returned me to this nest of memories: the one-on-one time with my father in unguarded moments of rare leisure on the golf course or in his toolshed, his unexpected candor throughout my childhood, his fairmindedness in responding to my sister’s plea. I looked down at mini and thought: I hope I am that kind of parent. The kind of parent who will tell her six year old a deep personal truth without dumbing it down: You don’t build anything with the law. It’s good to work with your hands. The kind of parent who will listen to her daughter’s entreaties, give them space. The kind of parent who imparts as much wisdom as she absorbs.
Of the many things I admire about my father, his openmindedness stands out to me most clearly as I navigate adulthood. I can probably count on my hand the number of things I know for sure: there is a God, mom is almost always right, stick to the BART (bananas-apples-rice-toast) diet when ailing, you will never regret responding with kindness, and — in writing — if you can catch an adjective, kill it. But beyond that, my father has taught me to stay nimble, stay open, stay fair. You never know when your daughter might be casually saving your life with picketing signs scrawled in messy crayon, or affording you the opportunity to think critically about why you practice the law and why you must work with your hands.
*The photo at the top is my father and my daughter.
+I have used a ToteSavvy to convert my Goyard bag into a diaper bag and have thought it’s done a solid job. I like the mini size because it fits perfectly in my Goyard (P.M. size) without adding any bulk. (Minor gripe: I find the “bottle holder” compartment only works with certain types of bottles. It didn’t play well with Comotomos.) However, I’m super intrigued by this very well reviewed purse organizer for larger bags, like an MZ Wallace Metro Tote (my top pick for a moderately-priced diaper bag) — and whether you are a mom or not! Might be a good snag for upcoming travel…
+Currently reading Nine Perfect Strangers and very much enjoying it. The start is something like an Agatha Christie — I feel something murderous and ominous coming, but all I know right now is the partial stories of nine characters, told from each of their perspectives. The tradeoff between characters brings me back to the Baby Sitter Club Special Edition books, where each chapter belonged to a different character. Love. And surprisingly easy to follow/keep sorted.
Mr. Magpie is an incredibly thoughtful gift-giver. Case in point: he bought me this table lamp (<<currently 30% off!) for my birthday, observing the hours I’d spend in quasi-darkness hunched over my laptop in my writing nook. He also gave me my Canada Goose coat long before they become de rigueur street-wear in New York — and it remains one of the most-used and well-loved items in my closet. (It’s one of those products that works. It is impervious to cold and wind.) Plus, he bought it in red, which stands out among the sea of black Manhattanites and solicits compliments close to daily . Not to mention the dozens of other heavily-used items he’s gifted me, like my favorite Aerin plates, my Chanel wallet, one of my favorite knives in the kitchen (ideal for slicing bread and tomatos), a diamond necklace I wear daily, and my Goyard diaper bag.
So this post is not so much for him because a) I believe he’s already completed his holiday shopping and b) he needs no help. But it’s more of lust list for me: things that I would love to have for myself.
If I’ve Been Good This Month: Gifts Under $100.
+CB2 Chinoiserie Mugs. The pattern is so elegant! I drink herbal tea after dinner almost every night; these would add so much charm to my evening routine.
+Leslie Dasch Bow Earrings. Just fun. Love a funky statement bow earring like this. I’d pair with a lace blouse.
+Missoma Little Girl Bracelet. I’ve been eyeing these bracelets for a few months now. I think they’d make a great gift for any mom, but I am specifically stowing it away as a thought for a new mother of two — one for each child. How sweet?!
+Aerin Scalloped Dinner Plates. I already have a few sets of these, but who wouldn’t want the green trim ones for the holidays?! I have learned the hard way that white plates are the way to go for everyday china — I have gotten so bored of the patterned ones I’ve bought in the past and eventually shed them. These will last a long time: just the right amount of interest. Plus, food looks best against a white backdrop.
+Wireless Charger. This works on recent releases of iPhones — oh how I want one of these at my bedside and on my desk!
+Byredo Rinse-Free Hand Wash. This is absurdly expensive when compared to $1.99 Purell, but people rave about this stuff. It smells great and leaves hands moisturized rather than dry. An indulgence I’d love to test drive.
+Inslee Desktop Calendar. A girlfriend of mine gave me this last year and I didn’t know how much I needed a desktop calendar until it arrived. It has so greatly simplified my life! I can’t tell you how many times I google “calendar” so I can pull it up in front of me while on a call. Horrifying! Plus, this edition is inspired in part by The Magpie Book Club.
To be clear: I’d just expect one (maybe two) of these items after a good year, and most are well under $500.
+Red Valentino Bow Dress. I am in love with this dress. Like, in a serious and committed relationship with it.
+Alexandre Birman Booties. The number one thing on my wishlist. I have been in love with these since I first laid eyes on them.
+Barbara Sturm Glow Drops. This pricey skincare line has garnered quite the cult following. I’m particularly intrigued by these well-reviewed “glow drops.”
+Miele Vacuum. You know you’ve crossed a threshold into adulthood when you’d be just as excited about a high-end vacuum as you would about a new pair of earrings. I really want this vacuum.
+Ganni Woodside Coat. This coat has been on my radar for months and months but I simply can’t pull the trigger. The practical side of me says: you have a dozen coats. The gluttonous side says: maybe Santa will pull through?
+Matouk Cairo Towels. I love the elegant, understated styling of these towels, especially in the azure blue trim.
+Apple Air Pods. I’ve wanted these for the last year because I love listening to podcasts on my walks with Tilly, but find my airbuds are constantly getting yanked out of my ears from a thrashing dog/abrupt turn/etc. Also, people are very serious about their love of these things.
+Rixo Dress. I know — more sequins? Yes, more sequins. I love the unexpected colors in this style. A great Christmas dress!
+Tory Burch Lee Radziwill Bag. The priciest beauty on this list, but what a statement!!! I love the croc fabric and the stately color, not to mention the ladylike shape. Also comes in a more practical saddle brown color, but I’m partial toward the splash of red!
If I’ve Been Good This Decade: Luxury Gifts.
True once-in-a-lifetime indulgences for very, very good girls.
+Bottega Veneta Knot Clutch. This has been on my lust list for ages. A timeless classic for evening wear. Would absolutely die to get my hands on one of these.
+Vintage Hermes Kelly Watch. Absolutely love this watch style, and in that fun azure blue?! To die! This is a watch for an elegant lady — aka, the person I aspire to be.
+Valentino Dress. I mean, what can I say? It’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.
+Cartier Love Bracelet. A friend of mine said these are so ubiquitous in New York that they’ve lost their luster for her. I beg to differ. I’d love one of these timeless bangles to mark a special occasion.
+La Cornue 100 Range. Absolutely gorgeous. Can you imagine bringing your kitchen to new heights with this stunning range in provencal blue? I just can’t get over it. (Since we don’t currently own our apartment, I’d take one of these commissioned desks instead — ha! And how sweet is this custom trundle bed for a nursery?)
+Inslee Figure Study. I love Inslee’s new set of figure studies, many of which are privately commissioned. I saw one in her studio that must have been eight by ten feet and OMG. I need this for my bedroom one day.
+Burberry Trench Coat. The one and only. Mr. Magpie has one of these and I have been needling him for a twinning moment myself. As chic on a teenager as it is on a ninety year old.
First, a little tip: if you bought something on Black Friday that now has a better promotion thanks to Cyber Monday, see if you can get a price adjustment! A lot of stores will oblige, as they’d rather have you keep what you’ve purchased instead of returning and buying a new one today.
Second, so many deals. I have basically finished up my holiday shopping with today’s promotions. Thought I’d add a few last-minute finds:
On Saturday, Mr. Magpie and I watched an under-the-radar film starring Rose Byrne (whose long bob I have taken to countless hair stylists for inspiration) and Ethan Hawke called “Juliet, Naked.” It was a lopsided film: the plot tenuous and lazily-written, the acting superb (Ethan Hawke!), and the script teetering between cloyingly cute and take-your-breath-away memorable. I stopped in my tracks when Hawke’s character says, in a throwaway line that trots by unremarked and unremembered within the confines of the film:
“Pressure is a choice.”
Pressure is a choice! Pressure is a choice. My thoughts gathered like storm-clouds, and I momentarily suspended my attention from the film to digest.
Aside from my stint as an entrepreneur, I would not describe my career as “high-pressure.” I do not litigate. I do not track down terrorists and, in the words of my friend who is an FBI agent and has passed afternoons in courses like “evasive driving” (I KID YOU NOT), other assorted “bad dudes” as a deputy of public safety. I do not perform emergent, life-saving surgeries. I do not sell on a trading floor. I have brave and exhausted friends who do all of these things on a daily basis. But I do not.
And though I have had my fair share of heartbreaks and disappointments and tragedies, my life has by and by been marked by good fortune, privilege, and a circle of loving, nurturing family and friends. I have not suffered serious trauma. I would never describe my home life as “high-pressure” or “intense.” My childhood was borderline idyllic.
In short, I look at my life and I think: “You have had it easy.”
And yet —
I have always lived my life under a kind of pressure. I can’t think of a time where I have sat back and laisser les bon temps rouler for more than a day or two at a time. I was serious and competitive as a child when it came to academics; I killed myself for As. In high school and college, I struggled with body image issues that stemmed, I believe, from a kind of ruthless competitiveness, a drive, an ambition I couldn’t quite channel anywhere else. In my first corporate job after college, most of my colleagues — all recent college graduates themselves — lollygagged and rolled their eyes at “the joke” of the jobs in front of us. I did not. I took my job seriously and was recognized quickly for it. The thought of doing something half-assed, or of not putting the full weight of my abilities into my job, was simply unthinkable for me. “Just do enough to get by,” said one of my friends over drinks after work one day. The thought had never occurred to me. And I remember wondering how I would even go about scaling back — what were the demarcation points when it came to “getting by” versus “excelling”? The notion that I could “shift gears” and lower my output of effort was alien to me.
In graduate school, I was disappointed to find that many of my colleagues whined about the workload and cheated their way through some of the longer reading assignments. Their complaints baffled and frankly annoyed me. Were we not paying to be there? Were we not facing the tremendous privilege of reading for a profession versus the bland and meaningless data management I had been handling in my previous job? And yet, it was not easy. The reading was burdensome to the point that I took a two-year hiatus from reading after graduating. I felt over-saturated, unable to enjoy reading for the sake of reading. I had pushed myself into a kind of academic asceticism where I would never permit myself a slip-up, a skipped assignment, a missed reading.
In my career as a non-profit executive, I worked long hours and put my heart on the line every single day, even when colleagues and bosses made it difficult to see the value in what I was doing. “Why should I care?” I remember ranting to Mr. Magpie. And yet I showed up every single day and put my everything into it.
And with our business, too — the many nights of sleeplessness. The heart palpitations, the breathlessness. The gut-wrenching stress of pouring life savings into a dream, of putting ourselves out there to try something new. The panicked pace of our lives for so many months.
Pressure, pressure, pressure.
And in tiny, quotidian ways and more philosophical ones, too, I find myself struggling beneath self-imposed stress: I feel itchy when dishes are left in the sink, or the laundry is left in the dryer, or the bed remains unmade. Though I now feel more at peace with not knowing what the future holds, I am generally predisposed toward the next thing, the new new. I am a planner by nature, hastily moving from one rung to the next.
Mr. Magpie once described me as having “a bias towards action.” If you lift the curtain behind this genteel rendition (thank you for your restraint, my love), you see a gal who is impatient with things half-done, who leans into responsibility, who puts tremendous pressure on herself and those around her to get.things.done.
The foregoing is not intended as a panegyric. I recognize there are many faults in the way I have lived my life: often burning the candle at both ends, occasionally pointlessly harried, frequently unable to properly prioritize. Mr. Magpie once drew me Eisenhower’s urgent/important grid, which fellow MBAs likely remember:
Good CEOs and well-adjusted, successful people navigate this matrix with aplomb: they focus on quadrant one today (items with a deadline, crises), schedule work for quadrant two (strategic planning, relationships, new opportunities), delegate quadrant three (most phone calls and emails), and ignore quadrant four (busy work, some calls/emails). If I am honest, I would say I spend half my time in quadrant one (putting out perceived fires) and then the rest in quadrant four, doing meaningless busy-work. I am an inbox zero gal. I like to knock the easy things of my to-do list first and then let myself wrap my arms around meatier work. The problem is that I am so preoccupied with the nitty gritty that I often run out of time for the bigger ticket items, and then stay up too late worrying about them. To make matters more challenging, I am horrible at delegating, in part because I like things done the way I like things done. (A smart CEO once told me: “If someone else can do something 80% as well as you could, delegate it.” I nodded eagerly and then recklessly ignored the adage, unable to relinquish control.)
Meanwhile, Mr. Magpie has set up shop in quadrant two. He is the most strategic thinker I know, and he is excellent at living in a kind of thought-filled, information-rich, research-oriented middleground. I am always jumping up and down on the other embankment, eager to just dig in, whether I’ve given something adequate thought or not. So when he says I have “a bias towards action,” he is also saying: “Slow down. Let’s think this through.” He is often right: when I pause and think about where I am exerting my energy, it is rarely in the most efficient place.
And so I burn on, plug plug plugging away, under pressure that, until this past Saturday night, I had never considered to be “a choice.”
A choice! The pressure is a choice! I can turn it off. I can dial it down. But can I? Is this lifelong orientation towards action genetic? Is it so deeply engrained in who I am that I can’t tell myself to loosen my grip a little bit? Would I not be Jen without it?
And yet. It has been liberating to recognize that the pressure I sense in my life is largely (entirely?) self-imposed. No one will die if a blog post goes up an hour late (except for maybe a small piece of my soul — ha). No one will mind if Christmas cards arrive a day after Christmas. No one will care if the bow in mini’s hair does not match her shoes. And so, in the most trivial of ways, I have been tampering with the dials over the last few days. An acquaintance had asked me to attend something I simply couldn’t figure out logistically. I found that old feeling of stress creep in as I began jumping through elaborate hoops to make it work — and then I stopped. Will this person think less of me for not being there if I simply explain I can’t make it? Unlikely. An even tougher version of my internal voice threw out: “No is a full sentence, Jen.” It is OK to say no and not explain. It is OK to be selfish every now and then. Dial it down. Reserve the energy for the important quadrants.
+You may have noticed that I changed the categories for my blogposts from more idiosyncratic names (“magpie polish,” “magpie nest”) to more legible ones (“beauty,” “home + organization”). I have had a lot of newcomers over the past few months (hi friends! welcome!) and I know my blog can be a little difficult to navigate as a newcomer. I am working to make things more searchable and findable (helloooo my new search button in the top right hand corner!), and re-titling and organizing my blog posts into more understandable categories seemed useful. Let me know if there are other ways to make things easier to read or find.
+Has anyone used Tyler’s Glamorous Wash detergent? I am intrigued by reviews I’ve read. People say it’s the best detergent they’ve ever used — but caveat that it is strongly scented and very expensive. I’m curious enough to try a small 4 oz container to see what I think. I personally like the smell of clean laundry. I use Mrs. Meyers’ detergent right now and find that the scents are pretty subdued.
+It occurred to me over Thanksgiving that the set of china storage covers (<<this is the exact set I have) my mother-in-law gave me as a wedding gift is one of the most underrated, thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. These keep your fine china free from dust and — God forbid — chips and clinks. A really nice and unexpected gift for a new bride. (Don’t forget the dividers.) Williams-Sonoma has a similar house brand set but they are far pricier.
+My mom recently asked me if Santa might be able to put this in her stocking. One of the saddest things of my adult life has been the fact that my mom thoughtfully gathers incredible stocking stuffers for everyone in the family but herself each year — and that, when we were little, we were so preoccupied with the cornucopia of Christmas that we never even noticed that her stocking would be bare or occasionally filled by (sob) herself. And so my sisters and I try to band together to fill hers nowadays — yet she still sends me maudlin notes asking for things like a makeup brush stand. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause, and he (I) will be giving you this makeup brush stand which, incidentally, is kind of genius. (It collapses!) This one also gets good reviews on Amazon, but why are there so many steps to assemble? I’m confused.
+Off Fifth has a great selection of discounted Aquazzuras right now: you know my thoughts on these and how fun are these? Also, this Free People dress, which I saw on a super-chic woman on the UWS a few days ago, is mysteriously marked down 50% off when it’s full price everywhere else and — I believe — current-season.
+In love with this demure sweater. They do the best knitwear at surprisingly affordable prices. God bless them.
I did some damage yesterday, but the random purchase I’m most excited about? My ridiculous fluffy slippers. I’m usually a classicist when it comes to slippers: either L.L. Bean Wicked Slippers or J. Crew Lodge Mocs. But something about these trendy slide slippers caught my attention and would not let go. There are tons and tons of variations on this theme (budget buy? This $12 pair from Loft), but the Emu Mayberries are the O.G. style and get very strong reviews. $39 was the cheapest I could find them online. I got mine in the natural color.
You’re Sooooo Popular: The Top 10 This Season.
The most popular items on Le Blog this SEASON (not just the past week — thought this would be helpful while we’re in full sales mode; these are the most-loved items on my blog):
2. The Iris jumpsuit. I own this in lipstick red and absolutely adore it. It’s a super flattering and forgiving fit (loose but hugs the body in all the right spots). The white would be dreamy for a bride, but navy or black is classic for anyone. 15% off right now!
3. Cashmere joggers. PSA: These have been marked down to 40% off and are stocked in ALL SIZES. A mentioned this in a previous post, but a girlfriend of mine loves these joggers so much she bought them in triplicate (!!!) and keeps one pair with tags still on “just in case.” She claims these are the absolute best thing she’s ever bought.
4. Kid’s Play Chair. Currently 20% off with code GATHER. Not hard to see why these are so well-loved — um, the cutest things ever?!
Have you ever done a technology detox? I’m normally something of a moderationist (#neologism) in all things, loathe to go to any one extreme and especially allergic to diets of any kind. In fact, Mr. Magpie and I just listened to a news piece on the burgeoning “intuitive eating” approach to food, and we looked at each other and said: “That’s how we eat.” Everything in moderation — and generally in small portions. We eat red meat and butter and full-fat yogurt, but also a lot of fruit and vegetables. And generally, in portions that seem bizarre to our restaurant standards: half a pound of steak will serve us both for a meal, and half a carton of yogurt suffices for breakfast.
All that said, I’m feeling like I need to be a bit more draconian when it comes to technology usage. I find that as a mom, it’s impossible to do anything that requires my full attention when I’m looking after mini. Reading? Writing an email? Drafting a blog post? Forget about it. But scrolling through Instagram? Swiping through emails? Skimming headlines? They’re just the kind of mindless, easy-to-hop-into-and-out-of activities that can keep me entertained without preoccupying all my attention. Further, mobile phones — and the social media apps installed on them in particular — tend to serve up morsel-sized content that fits the minuscule pockets of time I have to momentarily take in something else between reading books, coloring, changing diapers, etc. And so I’ve developed a bad habit over the past year of toggling between my phone and my baby. In turn, I toggle between guilt and a sighing resignation: on the one hand, I hate that I turn to my phone with such regularity, and to consume such generally insignificant content; but on the other, a full day of caring for mini with no momentary escapes is unappealing. I want to feel connected! I live for the bite-sized read that captures my attention and energy and leaves me thinking! And let me be honest: sometimes I need to take a break from reading Click, Clack, Moo and Pout Pout Fish and Little Blue Truck, all of whose rhymes clank and jangle around in mind all the live long day.
I hope I’m not alone in this? Who has a cure or, more realistically, a palliative? I wonder whether keeping my phone on a shelf except for during selected times will help? That way, I can hear when a call is coming through but keep myself from the reflex of the Insta scroll. Or maybe placing time-wasting apps into a specific folder labeled something cautionary like EXERCISE CAUTION so that I’m required to open the folder before accessing it? Or…?
Please share your tips.
#Shopaholic: The Coat Hook.
+Later yesterday, I discovered that Anthro was offering 30% off all purchases — !! I had to order these hooks for mini. I’d been talking about buying a set of hooks and putting them at her eye level a week or two ago and when these went on sale, I pounced. She’s going to flip over the animals and the letters in her name!
+Speaking of letters, I gave mini this set of letter/animal puzzles as a Thanksgiving gift and she *loves* them. She’s young for them, but she is able to point out a few letters (she’s consistent with “e,” “d,” and “i”) and I’m finding them a good way to help connect the idea of letters with sounds.
+A lot of the items I featured in my ultimate gift guide are discounted thanks to cyber week/Black Friday sales. (Actually, a ton of stuff in all of my holiday guides.) I was especially excited to find this ring marked 20% off. Bought immediately. Also bought this beauty elixir for 30% off with code FRIDAY! Great gifts, both.
+Hearts are THE shape for statement earrings R.N. These are marked way down. Love.
+I own this Saloni dress (now marked way down) in solid red and have gotten so so many compliments on it. It is the most flattering shape — the way the collar-line works really highlights the decolletage, and that nipped waist and full skirt create the most feminine silhouette.
No, Chanel is not having a Black Friday sale (sigh, when will they get the memo?), but the above snap gives me all the holiday shopping vibes. Below, what I’m actually putting in my cart…
HOME.
+I was hoping HillHouseHome might run a big promotion because I was planning to buy an extra flat sheet for our new bedding set (we went with the HillHouseHome in the Chancery Lane style), but no dice. Instead, they have a small sale section (and they never E-V-E-R run sales, as their model is to provide the highest end product they can at the lowest price possible), so I bought this pillowcase set for mini’s toddler bed. She’s not yet ready for the switch, but I learned they’re retiring this pattern and I love the scalloped/fluted edge. I monogrammed one with her first name and one with her middle name.
+These are the best kitchen towels known to man, and I’ve tried a lot of different kinds. One side is ultra absorbent (perfect for mopping up spills/wiping down plates) and the other is textured (perfect for letting things air-dry on and wiping hands). I buy a new set for Mr. Magpie’s stocking every year, and we recycle the old ones as cleaning rags. They are 20% off and include free shipping, which is the only way to go — and I’ve never seen them marked lower. Also adding this garland to my order for our holiday decor.
+These throw pillows are already discounted plus an extra 20% off with code GATHER. I have been slowly swapping out the pillows on our couches/armchairs in the living area of our apartment and these will complete the transition.
+Using the 15% off code as an excuse to buy a set of these mugs. The print is too darling to pass up.
BEAUTY.
+I’ve raved about this for the better part of the year, but Molton Brown’s Heavenly Gingerlily bath and body wash is BANANAS. I swear you won’t be able to prevent yourself from sniffing your wrist/body all day long. And it’s gender-neutral enough that Mr. Magpie gets in on it as well. A dear friend of mine — the type who hates fragrances and wears no makeup but still looks like a supermodel (ahem, A.) — says this is THE ONLY SCENT she tolerates…and she loves it so much she bought the perfume and body lotion too. So let that stand as a testament to its greatness. Anyway, all orders at Molton Brown are 25% off so I am buying an extra bath wash, a body lotion, and a hand soap. They don’t advertise it, but there is FREE SHIPPING on all orders too.
+Charlotte Tilbury has select gift sets marked down to 40% off. I am contemplating buying this after hearing rave reviews about the youth glow in particular.
+Using the 25% off code (THANKS) to buy a friend the beauty elixir I’ve been raving about.
SELF.
+These mittens, this hat, and this chunky scarf — all in the smoky wisteria color and all 50% off. I should probably buy these as a gift but I am buying them for myself to pair with a lilac coat I own (many seasons old, from J. Crew).
+I already own these but PSA for those who have not yet pulled the trigger and are eyeing — they are now 40% off! I would definitely buy them if I hadn’t already. Same goes for these suede booties from Talbots — now 50% off. They are SO good. I can’t get over the price for the quality; they look like they could be an Aquazzura or Alexandre Birman. (However, owing them in the basic black has not dissueded me from wanting to own the AB Kittie in that metallic colorway I’ve been drooling over all season. I’ve left 34898 hints for Santa that I would love to see these under the tree.) Incidentally, if you’re in the market for a solid pair of black suede pumps for the holiday circuit, consider these. I saw them on my friend Mackenzie and thought they were by Manolo Blahnik.
+I almost didn’t want to admit this, but I bought a pair of these ridiculous-looking fur slippers. You can find them all over the Internet, but these are the absolute lowest price I could find in the nude color. They just look insanely comfortable. I want to wear them with my favorite joggers and a long duster cardigan around the house. Almost every retailer has a version of these fluffy crazies — Loft has a pair for $13! — but these are the O.G. brand and people rave about them for comfort.
+I keep clicking back and forth from this Sandro sweater dress. I have been in love with it since the moment I laid eyes on it. Kind of pilgrim-cool, ya dig? Once added to the cart, it’s marked down to $168. EEEEEE. And every time I check back, new sizes are sold out. Tempted to buy it just to see…this would be so lovely for Christmas Eve (daytime).
+For Christmas Eve nighttime, I am heavily swayed toward this RedValentino I’ve been eyeing for weeks now. No, it doesn’t scream Christmas, but it is festive in its own way. And paired with a red coat?
+Now for my biggest conundrum. I had wanted to buy myself a gorgeous dress during this sale frenzy — maybe something for next summer; possibly my 35th birthday. I am absolutely dying over this Saloni, though I know it will need to be hemmed and am worried about the tiered hemline situation. I have a good tailor here but still — I’m worried about the end result and whether or not the tailoring will add an extra $100 to my tab. This Needle & Thread is frothy and gorgeous and I am imagining wearing it with a deep tan and a lot of highlighting shimmer on my face. Then there is this — the bows! the colors! the print! — and the more immediately useful this, which could be put to good use on NYE.
+BUT. If I were going to go for broke, I would love this. AHHH it is me in dress form.
CHILDREN.
+Finally bought mini a robe. Had been eyeing this for, like, a year! I find that she wriggles her way out of my arms and her towel on the way out of the bath and I think she’d like wearing this instead.
+I had initially ordered mini these snowboots but then I came across these, marked down from $50 (not sure why they aren’t displaying the original price on the site). After discovering that getting mini into a coat is a daily battle, I think these will be a LOT easier to grapple onto her feet than the former, which involve straps and a higher shaft.
+Have this dress (25% off) currently in my cart for the holidays for mini. I adore this brand — they have the best quality pieces. But the shipping is outrageous. But maybe…and if I pull the trigger, I’ll also order her black patent Mary Janes from there (cheaper than Elephantito’s, my other go-to brand for dress shoes for mini) and this faux fur collar.
+Two of my favorite under-the-radar online children boutiques — Loozieloo (a reader introduced me to this retailer! thank you!) and Born Boutique — are offering site-wide sales. Loozieloo is offering 40% of all purchases except for new arrivals with code THANK40, presenting a perfect opportunity to stock up on mini’s knee socks (I buy most of them from here). And if you don’t own one of these dresses, consider this the perfect excuse. SO USEFUL — just swap out the tab for the holiday! Born Boutique is offering 30% off all purchases with code Thankful30, so I am buying a couple of precious finds from one of my favorite Spanish labels, Sal E Pimenta — including these jammies and this giraffe swimsuit.
+TBBC is offering 40% of all purchases plus free shipping with code PINKFRIDAY. Pretty epic, as their styles are darling and spend-y, and their shipping can add up. Snag a pair of holiday jammies and ravage their sale section: consider buying this for school next year or this for the holidays! Or use it as an excuse to finally buy one of their darling bonnets, which are usually $70.
+MinnowSwim has marked their entire site 25% off with code minnowholiday. Chop chop – – they only run these promotions twice a year. I ordered this.
+If you haven’t already, treat your mini to this cashmere sweater — now 30% off with free shipping with code 3238! Mini owns it and it is so darling over a peter pan collar onesie for an easy everyday look.
This year, like last, we will be spending Thanksgiving as a family of three. I miss my extended family but don’t mind the absence of travel and the promise of a lazy, cozy morning at home and a languid, logistics-free Thanksgiving dinner. We’ll eat when the turkey’s ready and we’ll sit at the table as long as we like. And, of course, we’ll say my mother’s prayer, reading aloud from her loopy script, and think to ourselves: how improbably fortunate are we?
Have yourself a merry little Thanksgiving.
Post-Scripts.
+A great and likely unexpected way to thank your family/friends for hosting Friendsgiving: bring or send fancy coffee. We love Toby’s. Or ship a box of Levain cookies. People claim they are the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. THE WORLD, PEOPLE. I think they are Very, Very Good but almost too rich to eat more than a few bites of. Still, a special and indulgent surprise. (Who doesn’t love coffee and cookies? #BasicButSoGood)
+I saw the ultra-chic Jenny Walton wearing a cashmere beanie in pastel blue and had to copycat. Hers was Uniqlo (how do you beat the price?), but I love the cabling of this style (especially in the lavender!) — and, of course, it’s on sale.
+This statement jacket is FINALLY on sale!!! How amazing would it look with Jenny’s ice blue cashmere beanie!
+Love these mini cypress trees for the mantel for the festive time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. They feel seasonal but not too “HELLO, IT’S CHRISTMAS ON NOVEMBER 23RD.”
+I bought this exact throw blanket in a gray color a few years back and it is the softest, snuggliest thing ever. Sadly, Tilly claimed it as her own and so I am leery of cozying up to it. (#Dogstink.) Might re-up with this one in the green!
+This cashmere wrap is 40% off and I think I need it in the “soft shell” color.
+This brightening cleanser is getting really strong reviews. A lot of brands on this site are on sale (sadly not the cleanser), including Caudalie — use code THANKS for 25% off. Good excuse to try the Caudalie Beauty Elixir I’ve been raving about! Have also heard really good things about this moisturizer.
+Among the more random things I have ever posted: we have used these to baby-proof a number of cabinets in our home. I did a LOT of research on this topic. A LOT. I seriously considered the magnetic key ones that enable you to keep the locks “invisible.” But at the end of the day, we went with these — inexpensive, unattractive but not too offensive, and very good at the job their meant to do. Also do not require any hardware/drilling/permanence, which mattered to us as renters. I am so happy we have them.
+This Thanksgiving, I am ultra-grateful for Mr. Magpie, mini, and our collective health.
By: Jen Shoop
A friend recently sent me this article on tsundoku, a Japanese word for “reading pile” that has acquired a more specific interpretation among book lovers in America: for us, tsundoku means “buying books and letting them pile up unread.”
For many years, I practiced the art of tsundoku with both fervor and guilt. I loved the traipse home from a book store, arms cradling three or four new acquisitions, half of which would sit unopened for weeks. And: “Yes, I want to borrow that book,” I’d state urgently to my father after a rousing review, my head bobbing in eagerness. And then The Autobiography of Ulysses S. Grant would sit on my bedside table, untouched, for months, a visual reminder of my failure at time management, my out-of-wack prioritization of fluff lit over starchier fare. Worse was when I would start a book and stall a few chapters in. That unfinished business would hang, pall-like, over my head for weeks on end. “Oh, I can’t quite get through it,” I’d sputter to an inquiring friend of the book on loan. Or “I’m juggling a couple of different books,” I’d apologize. “Let me return it and I’ll just rent it instead,” I’d add sheepishly. And when friends would visit my home and point out spines that intrigued them, I’d gulp if I’d not yet read one of them: “Oh, I just got that,” I’d say, embarrassed not to have a more complete review on hand. In some abstruse bookworm code, it seemed to me that if I had the book on display on my shelf, I should have read it already.
You see, I have a kind of puritanical devotion to the books I commit to reading, likely aftermath of my diligence as a student. If something was assigned, I read it, in no small part out of fear of being called upon in class and being exposed as a fraud, which happened occasionally to classmates of mine in high school. A friend recently told me that she opted to read the cliff notes for Romeo and Juliet and our sophomore English teacher wrote on her paper: “You didn’t read the book, did you?” The shame that “outing” would have caused my impressionable, goody-goody-two-shoes self far outweighed the relative burden of reading all of my assignments. And so I read with what I can only describe as completion desire: the satisfying tick of something off my list, the book’s snug addition to my overstuffed bookshelf, all full of notes and doodles and inconsequential marginalia. I can appreciate the psychology of GoodReads for this reason: yes, it is helpful for book discovery, but it is also a tidy way for us to organize and display our collected books in a digital space.
Things have changed with regards to my tsundoku over the past few years. For one thing, I have had the occasion to revisit and interrogate the compunction I associated with lowbrow literature, and, as a corollary to that inquisition, I have also re-evaluated my feelings around reading books to completion. The guilt, I have decided, is uncalled for and misplaced. Life is simply too short to read bad books, or books that do not speak to me. Nowadays, I average two books a month. That means that in a given year, I’ll read around 25 books; in a decade, 250. There are probably well north of 100,000 books worth reading in a lifetime — an arbitrary number, sure, but the point is that even if we are prolific readers, we will only canvass a small fraction of the great (and even not-great-but-highly-enjoyable) books available to us, and so why should we cede one of those coveted 250 spots each decade to something less than? Something that we tarry in reading? Something that we dread picking up? Good books are in equal measure medicinal and indulgent, instructing me as they distract me, but if I can taste the bitter herb too keenly, or find the sticky coating too cloying? Well, in the words of Ariana Grande: thank u, next. And so my tsundoku has both shrunk and grown: I am more comfortable with books half-read and books set aside for later, but I am choosier about what makes its way into my possession, too. Kindle has accommodated this new outlook with flourish: I rarely pre-purchase books anymore. Instead, I wait until I am finished with one and then set out to find a new love. This means that the book I choose is almost always perfectly calibrated with my mood, increasing the likelihood that I will actually enjoy it and complete it.
But when my friend sent the article, I found myself further evolving my thinking on the topic. The mere existence of the word tsundoku is a welcome permission slip, almost as if language itself is telling me: “hush, hush, my over-anxious petit chou; everyone keeps a stack of unread books. Hence the existence of this word. It is not so much a misdemeanor as a condition of humanity.” And then — and I’m not sure if my friend sourced the article referenced above from Cup of Jo to begin with, but Cup of Jo pointed me in the direction of this post on the subject of tsundoku, which makes the case that unread books are more important than read ones. One thinker notes: “Read books are far less valuable than unread ones. [Your] library should contain as much of what you do not know as your financial means, mortgage rates, and the currently tight real-estate market allow you to put there.” Now there’s a thought. I don’t know that I agree; I place an insurmountably high prize on the books I have wrung my heart over, the books whose words return to me in moments of loneliness, loss, and love, the books who have taught me lessons big and small about what it means to be a human. These books a part of me, print and paper turned heartbeat and blood. They are the filters through which I have navigated many life experiences. But. There is something to the fact that our libraries should be as much about the promise of something new as the lesson from something old, and that unimaginably great things await when we sit and read.
What does your tsundoku look like? #showmeyourtsundoku #whydoesthatsoundweird
Post-Script.
+Black Friday deals are raging right now and I’m experiencing shopping whiplash. Will share later the things I’m actually buying (many of which are so un-exciting but necessary), but things I am eyeing already:
>>With the Shopbop promotion, I am considering this Rixo London dress, these Jerome Dreyfuss boots (would actually look perfect with the Rixo dress), and — will you judge me magpies? — I’m kind of into the look of these hiker boots. They are super trendy for the season and I’m kind of digging them. (Also don’t forget that my favorite holiday jumpsuit is discounted with the code!)
>>J. Crew! So many good things. I absolutely die over the 90s styling of this spaghetti strap plaid dress. It’s like Kate Moss meets Charlotte York and it is perfect. I also adore these plaid pumps. Increasingly, I am finding that I invest in statement shoes and leave the rest simple: well-fitting jeans and sweaters all the live long day, but they become interesting in the embrace of a ridiculous pair of shoes. And this striped henley in the dreamy cotton fabric HAD to happen. Will live in this, whether under joveralls or with jammies.
>>Why is Tory Burch slaying my wallet these days? Their footwear has been ON POINT. I am drooling over these embellished booties (30% off with code), wondering if I should return my straight-up black ones for these…
+After a thirty minute trek in 40-degree weather, I caved and bought mini the footmuff for her yoyo. I’m a sucker. I also ordered her a pair of snowboots and a snowsuit after being caught in the nor’easter last week with virtually nothing snow-appropriate on hand for her. The Polarn O. Pyret snowsuit is incredible but SIZE DOWN. Mini is usually a size 2 (she is in the 91% percentile of height!) but the size 2 could nearly fit me. I’m not even joking. I ordered her a size 1-1.5 and am confident it will fit her after seeing them in person at the P.O.P. on the UWS.
+Speaking of baby gear: moms who are lusting after the Yoyo but don’t appreciate the price tag, check this stroller out. Reviews are super strong and the styling is eerily similar to the Yoyo. (Buy one before they are sued for design infringement.)
+I went down a dark and winding rabbit hole researching the best notebooks and writing implements (don’t ask) and people die over these and these. And paper lovers are, like, really convincing. Some might say over the top. Still, I am buying one of each.
+I bought this set of notepads for my bedside table and desk. Love the designs and the different sizes/shapes — getting such good use out of them already. (Price is surprisingly reasonable for all you get, too!)
Though I still strongly endorse my holiday 2017 gift guide (<<I have given every single item on this list away as a gift!) and my more recent gift guide for girlfriends, I’m presenting a couple of additions this year — and at the risk of making for a very unsurprising holiday for my loved ones. (Sorry, sisters and friends: you will see these items under the tree.) As with previous gift guides, my parameters are simple: gifts should generally be around or under $100, well-reviewed, and practical. I prefer to gift items I use and love every day that I can rave about as my recipient opens her gift. (I.e., no more cheeseboards.) You’ll note that I’ve sprinkled in “stocking stuffers” — see below the collage for links and details on how I’d package things, along with other cool finds not featured in the image below. (And if you are looking for more holiday goodness, check out my new holiday section, where I’ve organized all of my gift guides and holiday posts, plus added a little boutique!)
+FOR THE FOODIE:Jeni’s Ice Cream. Outrageously good ice cream with the most creative flavors. We sent this to both of our parents last year and they went wild for it. My Dad in particular has a Thing for ice cream (he likes his served on classic cake cones — which he eats nearly every night) and he declared Jeni’s “the best ice cream.” He and my mom now hunt it down wherever they go.
+FOR THE MARATHONER / FIT FRIEND: My favorite running shorts ever (they are SO well designed and I like that they aren’t uber-short; I love the zippers, the cinch waist, and the breathability) paired with a Klean Kanteen. Have I sung the praises of my Klean Kanteen? It’s all about the sports nozzle. I must have used cheap/bad sports nozzles my whole life because I usually avoided them like the plague. They were either too hard to drink out of or they spilled everywhere. The Klean Kanteen’s offers a bizarrely delightful drinking experience (like, lovely enough that you will notice it), allowing only the appropriate amount out without — ever — spilling in your gym bag. And having a sports nozzle is awesome, period — who can drink while on an elliptical without water sloshing everywhere? We gifted one of these to my mother-in-law as an add-on to her birthday gift and she raved about its convenient size. Alternately: Plantronics earbuds. These are SO good. If you or your friend are still exercising with Apple earbuds and finding that they fall out of your ears/get tangled up in your clothes: welcome to the 21st century. These revolutionized my runs (back when I ran regularly). They take a minute to sync with your phone (they rely on bluetooth) but I like that you can control the volume and skip songs by tapping the button in your ear vs. going through your phone — so convenient to just keep your phone in your pocket! They are also water-proof and actually stay in place in your ears. The first time I used these, I ran a seven and a half minute mile, which is, like, insanely fast for me (I normally hover around nine) — that’s how excited I was to be exercising!
+FOR THE TRAVELER: MZ Wallace Metro Tote. OK, this is the only pricey piece in this roundup at $215. But I am a complete convert to the joys of the MZ Wallace line of bags and am convinced I need one of these after raving over their backpacks. These are super lightweight, come in tons of great colors, and can hold more than you ever should carry in a given day. (Like, astonishing amounts.) I love the zippered top, too — the way it’s designed enables you to really pack it to the brim and still zip it all in. I’ve become increasingly leery of wearing open-top bags on the subway and on the crowded streets of New York (so easy for someone to slip their hand into your bag!); these obviate the problem. The fabric is also water repellent — maybe not waterproof — but it’s stood up well in the rain without any seepage. I’d throw in some of my favorite Herban Essentials wipes (I wipe down the tray, the armrests, etc, and these are powerfully scented so they help address any gross odors) and/or The Laundress’s crease release (<<I use this constantly).
+FOR THE NEW MOM: If she doesn’t yet have a diaper bag, I’d again suggest theMZ Wallace Metro Tote. I would absolutely pick this over anything else on the market, possibly my Goyard bag included. I love my Goyard but I do wish it had a zipper top and it’s so pricey that I feel badly if I need to set it on the ground or run through the rain with it (though I do). This is in part why I find myself using my MZ Wallace backpack so often. I’d also throw in these Think King stroller hooks. They are simply the best. Unobtrusive design, repositionable but never slide/slip, and can affix to any style of stroller. If your friend/sib is the type to geek out over baby gear and not be offended by the fact that she’s receiving something that is in fact for her child rather than herself (I’m one of those people — I’d just as happily welcome a high-end piece of baby gear as I would a new sweater for myself), and she owns a Babyzen Yoyo, you might also consider the Babyzen Yoyo Foot Muff. I really want one of these but am having a hard time justifying the purchase of a second footmuff (mini already has one for her Bugaboo) for a stroller we use maybe once a week while traveling on the subway together. Still, I’d be thrilled (!) to see it under the tree.
+FOR THE BEAUTY SNOB: You know who I’m talking about. The friend who reads Into the Gloss and knows about things like Kate McLeod’s body stones and was into Korean skincare before it was cool. I love giving beauty products to all my friends but feel I’d especially impress those in the know with this set of Kosas lipsticks. Kosas is the new new new and lots of chic people swear by their lipsticks (they’re “Goop’s favorite”). Depending on budget, I’d pair them with either these darling Weezie towels, which are designed for makeup removal (so smart that they’re black; do you know how many towels I’ve stained with mascara?!) or my new obsession: Shiseido’s facial cotton. These cotton pads may seem like a frivolous expense but trust me on this: you will thank me. First, the cotton is super soft and absorbent — but, importantly, plush/layered. This means you can dump quite a bit of makeup remover/micellar water onto the pad without it spilling everywhere/seeping through to your fingers. And it really removes the makeup without the abrasiveness of one of those textured rounds. I’m a complete convert.
+FOR THE WOMAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING (MY MOM):Caudalie’s Beauty Elixir. It took me a few days of use to come around to this stuff, but I’m now permanently hooked. This is the kind of product you might not think you need, or, to put a finer point on it, your mother — who has everything — might not yet have. I spritz it on after cleansing my face and then use it on my beauty blender or foundation brush when applying tinted moisturizer/foundation/concealer. It softens everything and helps with blending. The elixir has an initially off-putting but gradually appealing scent of bracing mint and something else powerfully pungent (gasoline?). It smells medicinal and applying it makes me feel like I’ve just opened the door to an arctic wind. It is refreshing and hydrating and — I just can’t explain why, but I love it. I might pair this with my RMS Living Luminizer — one of my all-time favorite beauty products — because, again, it’s one of those products that is a little off the beaten path and less likely to be in even a beauty-lover’s cosmetic kit. This stuff is incredible because it’s completely translucent (applies no color) and can be layered over anything, including a bare face, for a luminous glow. I typically apply it to my cheek bones and the tip of my nose. I’ve also used it on bare lids for a kind of dewy look situation.
+FOR THE CARRIE BRADSHAW: For your stylish friend/sister who likes the artsy, one-of-a-kind gifts rather than a mass-produced J. Crew sweater. (Somehow I’m both in Carrie’s boat and the J. Crew boat.) This oui ring, which is inspired by a Dior design. I gave my sister (a fashion designer) this ring several years ago and she went wild over it. There are other styles/expressions you can find in their Etsy shop, too, but I love the message of this ring: an open-minded YES to the world.
+FOR THE FREE SPIRITED/AESTHETICALLY-MINDED: Be she a poet or a non-profit employee, this friend marches to the beat of her own drum; she’s not interested in keeping up with the Joneses. Something artisanal from a small Italian boutique would be just up her alley, like these elegant dishes. How much do you LOVE the script?! As an add-on: a set of glass straws. I feel like my sister, who would definitely fall into this category, would love this set.
+FOR THE EVERYWOMAN: I can imagine myself giving the following gifts to literally every woman in my life, at every age and from every walk of life. First, the Hinza tote. I bought one of these at the Container Store on a whim and went back two days later to buy a second. These are such a wonderful, versatile tote. I use mine for groceries (so nice to keep all your items upright versus flopping around in a Baggu), to store our glass milk jugs before they are recycled, and to house all of mini’s bath items (easy to wipe clean). They are stylish and multi-purpose and could find a useful purpose in anyone’s home, be she a gardener (gardening tools and gloves!), a farmer’s market enthusiast (the perfect shopping tote), a new mom (a perfect stashing place for a diapering station). Incidentally, this might be a good presentation vehicle for a gift basket for a new mom! Layer in a Gathre mat, some Mustela products, a Wubbanub, and you’re set. Second: Armor Lux slippers (<<currently marked down 50% off). I have read RAVE reviews over these cozy classics, and who doesn’t love slippers? I find that slippers and robes are the kinds of things people rarely buy for themselves but love having on hand. Mr. Magpie insisted he didn’t need either but then — once he had them — wore them daily. Third, Everlane cashmere crew. I’m sure you will hate me for refeaturing this for the trillionth time but it is one of my favorite discoveries this year (a friend of mine just bought one for each of her sisters for Christmas on my good word; we spent time agonizing over the colors). It’s a perfect pricepoint for a splurge-y present for a loved one. And the style is timeless! Would be equally as chic on a prepster in pastel pink as it would on a TriBeCa flygirl in basic black.
+STOCKING STUFFERS FOR THE EVERYWOMAN:Sara Happ lip scrub. OK, have we talked about this? A friend of mine gave me a jar of this as a hostess gift and I am so grateful to her for the introduction. It is a must-have in these cold, drying winter months and this is just the kind of thing I would never buy for myself. A great self-care present. I also love these velcro cord ties — such a random thing to give someone, but they’ve made my bedside table area so much more manageable and have also kept my iron cord from dangling down and hitting me in the face. This is splurge-y to the point of ridiculous, but I have heard such good things about Byredo’s chichi hand sanitizer. Definitely something I’d never purchase for myself but would love to use — especially a good pick for a new mom or frequent traveler, but really, anyone could benefit from it.
Three stars. (Circe is a tough act to follow, and so I am possibly grading on an unfavorable curve.) At one point in this book, Gower mentions the novel Evelina by name, and when she does, I thought, “Yes! Yes! Evelina! This is Evelina, rebooted.” The related and often problematic themes I studied in the 18th century British literature class in which I read Evelina were practically jumping off the page: sex, ownership, marriage, and gender roles. The Mermaid and Mrs. Hancock revisits this thoroughly 18th-century web of themes but with a fresh 21st century look: a blunter take on gender dynamics and a kind of shocking (appalling?) realism that would have left many an 18th-century woman calling for smelling salts. (The orgy scene! The description of Bet Chappell peeing in the carriage (“gray cauliflower”?!)! The deeply disturbing story of Polly in that alley!) Gower also borrows from many of the period’s literary conventions, including its prevalent volume-based book structure and its naming idiosyncracies, i.e., “Lady D—“, all of which immerses us further in the time period and calls our attention to its formalities and proprieties.
And so we ask: why are we here, in such a carefully-drawn eighteenth century world, where Gower’s fastidious study of the period is so evident? For one thing, her uber-realism and adoption of the literary customs of the time creates a kind of dialectic in which we are prompted to look at the clearly-drawn social and gender “rules” and compare them to our own. Here, reader! The author is saying, snapping her fingers, as she breaks her book into antiquated seeming “volumes.” Look at these odd things we are doing here to mime the times! Now think about the distance between then and now. What’s changed?
At one point, Angelica mulls over the fact that marriage has not been the escape she had expected from her former life as a courtesan: wifedom bears its own kind of constraints. She comments that “She will never be simply her own self in the world again; the courtesan Angelica Neal, a personality all her own, is being parcelled up and claimed by connection upon connection. She is ‘wife of’ and ‘aunt of’; later she will be ‘mother of’…and accordingly her own person will be divided and divided and divided, until there is nothing left.” The insight is distinctively modern. The subtext is this: women have few options available to themselves, and none of them entail freedom. Rather, whether a woman decides to become a prostitute or a wife, there is an inevitable subjugation of the self — a kind of erasure. And so we are left to ask: what is different and what is the same today? How have the constructs of marriage and sex evolved over time? Have they? Along these lines, the world in which Angelica lives is explicitly — painfully — transactional; we hear about the costs of things, the exchange of money for sex, debts, accounting books, and the many ways in which women pinch pennies (darned stockings, sheets stitched back together at the threadbare bits, etc), the notion of the “kept” woman. And so it is impossible not to also think of marriage as a kind of prostitution, an exchange of money and social standing for sex. And again we must muse over the institution of marriage today, how and why it exists and in what state?
But let me dwell on the passage above for a minute longer. We revisit its imagery — “this dividing and dividing and dividing until there is nothing left” — in one of the final scenes of the book, where Angelica kills, or erases, the mermaid by taking bucketfuls of water from her tank until she is completely dissolved. Earlier, we have seen indications that we are to understand Angelica as a kind of equal to or echo of the mermaid. Both are objects of fantasy and lust whose captors hazard great danger in their entrapment. At one point, Angelica performs as a mermaid in order to catch the eye of a suitor; in an interesting plot inversion, her would-be husband Mr. Hancock promises to catch a mermaid in order to endear Angelica to himself. And so the book throws desire, money, sex, and property into an ongoing game of catch and release. What are we to make, then, that Angelica is the one responsible for the dissolution of this swapping of capital at the very end? She is killing her alter ego, literally draining her from the world. Is this an act of female empowerment — is she killing of the vision of the over-sexualized, objectified woman? Or is it a suicide of sorts?
For all its sophistication in the handling of these themes, and for all its impressive accuracy with detail, I found the book overlong and tedious. Long descriptive passages of boatyards and petticoats would leave my thoughts wandering off the page and into the realm of grocery lists and dinner plans for the week. I would occasionally leave the book for a few days and need to reread a few pages in order to remind myself of what had just happened, so drawn out were the scenes. I found the poetic interludes in italics interspersed throughout the novel turgid to the point of unreadable. And I thought its characters cloyingly cartoonish. Many of them were drawn with clever archness, but I tired of the sardonic commentary and found myself longing for a deeper connection to the characters in this lengthy tome. At least give me someone to hang on to! You are merciless! (Did Gower hate her own characters?)
All in all, a beautifully crafted oeuvre, but difficult to enjoy.
Post-Scripts.
+We will not be convening in December for an in-person book club given the holidays, but I will be announcing a January book club pick soon! For now, just know that I am taking a break of sorts and reading this. I need a juicy page-turner after feeling slovenly taking a full month to read the above.
+Just ordered one of these — possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ordered in awhile. But hear me out! I often cook from recipes on my phone and am shuttling my phone around the kitchen as I work. And I also think it might be nice to have it upright while I’m working. Mainly I’m intrigued by the reviews…
+Ordered one of these for organizing the corralling the bags of chips, crackers, and bread I always find jammed in everywhere in our snack cabinet. I love this brand for Scandi-sleek home and shelf organization. (Also check out this magnetic spice rack!)
+Speaking of Scandi-cool: I am dying over this sleek stepstool. We currently lift mini up and have her stand on the sink while she is brushing her teeth, but she is not too far off from getting the job done with a stool. This would be a pretty one to have around for the purpose.
+DYING over this print, which looks like it should cost a lot more and come from a storied china shop in London. I am definitely ordering a few of the coffee mugs.
I recently observed the founder of a business drag her feet when a customer expressed an interest in purchasing one of her products. It was as if the founder couldn’t be bothered; the customer blinked her eyes in confusion and hesitation before the founder begrudgingly went off to ring up the sale.
I was astounded at the interaction, on so many levels.
First: as a business owner, the customer comes first, and the customer is always right. When Mr. Magpie and I were selling software, we bent over backwards to assuage every concern our customers had. If they complained that something wasn’t working as it should, we took the feedback seriously and investigated carefully. I can’t tell you how many evenings I passed with my stomach in knots as I worked with our engineering team to resolve reported bugs and snafus — and this from a software that was built very cleanly, I have to say. (Our founding engineer went on to work for other incredible tech companies like Tock.) I would often pace my kitchen, groaning, as I’d wait for the latest release to come through. When I’d triumphantly alert the customer to the fix, or to the clarification at hand, I was usually met with a polite “thanks,” sometimes days later, if at all, even when the original missive had been urgent to the point of fear-inducing. Though this reminded me — humbly — that no one will ever care as much about your product as you will as its creator, I didn’t mind the lukewarm reaction. The point was this: good, prompt customer service is and should be the north star. If you fail at all else, at least be kind and honest to your customers, as they are — literally– your raison d’etre.
I should add that many times, we were internally frustrated in such circumstances because we felt the product was working as it should — or that it was, at a minimum, working for us, locally, on our machines — but we always swallowed our pride, apologized, and worked to correct or explain. I often see businesses and even fellow bloggers express frustration when, for example, customers are trying to use a product as it was not intended to be used, or readers are trying to access a particular feature of a site on mobile versus desktop and finding themselves unable to do so. I wring my hands in agony at the exasperated responses of the business owner, wanting to say: if a customer is using your product, LET THEM USE YOUR PRODUCT, EVEN IF IT’S NOT AS IT WAS INTENDED TO BE USED. The greatest innovations are born this way: it’s why we’ve enjoyed tools like Flickr, for example, which was a concept originally built into a video game. The game was a dud, but people liked the photo-sharing tool and began to use it in isolation. I believe technologies like Pinterest and Slack have similar origin stories: designed to do something quite different, but forged into something more useful and powerful in the hands of its users. The point is this: if the bulk of your customers are trying to use your site or tool in a specific way, there’s no point in fighting it. Embrace it. Build with it. Build for it! Let them dictate your roadmap.
And so there was a kind of righteous rage that emanated from my pores as a former entrepreneur myself.
“How dare she,” I found myself saying to Mr. Magpie that evening, as I recounted the interaction. Maybe it’s because Mr. Magpie and I went through the seven layers of hell and battled something like depression after coming to the decision to shut down our business, but I was glowering. For this woman to have the good fortune of customers banging on her door, and to treat them with such peremptoriness?
No. I won’t accept it! And if I were a pettier person, I would mention the brand by name here.
I’m sorry to take this entrepreneur to task today, to unveil myself as occasionally haughty in my observances of others, but it wasn’t a good look. (Probably for either of us.) The experience did, however, force me to check in with myself. It made me face some of the resentment I have over our decision to shut down our business. It made me recognize that sometimes my loudest knee-jerk reactions are thinly veiled jealousies: how could she be succeeding with such a backward orientation when it comes to customers when we had to move on from our business and I felt we were doing everything right?
And so there was a little bit of reckoning to be had. Maybe I overreacted a little, transposing my own angst onto this unsuspecting entrepreneur. Maybe I need to let go of some of the residual emotions from our business. Maybe the entrepreneur was having a bad day. Maybe the customer had been a pain in the ass. Maybe maybe maybe.
What do you make of it? It’s OK if you tell me to simmer down. Maybe I need to hear it. HA!
+These monogrammed cachepots are SO GOOD. Love the monogram style show in the main picture! I might buy one of these and stow a rosemary tree or boxwood is in the center for my own table — or as a gift for a friend.
+For those of you with minis in ballet: I have had good luck with the products from the line MdnMd on Amazon Prime for ballet basics, and they are super affordable! I especially like this and this. Traditional, simple styling, nothing frou-frou, and I’ve even thrown them in the wash with no problem (probably a no no).
+This is a good fallback for that last minute holiday gathering you forgot about and don’t have a thing to wear to — inexpensive, plaid, and forgiving. Pair with black tights and booties.
