The above snap is an actual picture of me when I’ve scored a really good deal on something and nobody knows, like that time I somehow applied twenty five coupons and promotions on top of one another at Lord & Taylor to purchase a Milly dress that retailed for north of $400 and cost me $7.30. I remember my heart was racing and my palms were sweaty as I fished around for cash in my wallet. Petty cash! The kind of cash you carry for incidentals like hand sanitizer and cinnamon gum and a stale package of peanut butter crackers when you are in a dire situation. (Is there anything sadder than those crinkly packets of crackers, the peanut butter so processed and old it crumbles when touched, and one or two of the crackers are always already crushed?) I felt borderline guilty — indecent! — and wondered whether there had been a mistake in the ringing up, but damned if I was going to speak up. I was twenty-two and luxury was buying name brand toilet paper. And so I paid and high-tailed it out of there, and then transformed into the slinky side-winking conniver you see above. Incidentally, ask any woman in D.C. over the age of fifty where to find the best deals and she will quickly and in a hushed voice tell you: “get thee to Lord & Taylor.” I am fairly confident my mother owns a small pied a terre in the Lord & Taylor in Chevy Chase, so frequent of a visitor she is there. My sister once asked me, after gazing out the window in silence as we drove down Jenifer Street in N.W. D.C.: “Does it feel like mom is always running an errand at Lord & Taylor?” Yes, yes she is. And with good reason. The number of triumphant shopping coups that have been had in that store at the hands of my mother — too many to count.
But I am no longer in D.C. and such bargains are few and far between in Manhattan, where I have suddenly found myself purchasing things like melons for $5.99 without batting an eye. And so in lieu of the the tremendous physical pleasure of an in-person sale score, I will be doing my bargain hunting online, in my pajamas, at Shopbop, which is running an extra 30% off all sale items right now. Hallelujah and HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME JUST WEEKS AFTER BLACK FRIDAY. Use code JOY18 to save an extra 30% on these epic finds:
P.S. I try to buy holiday decor bit by bit, one or two items each year, and this year’s finds have been this incredible (washable!) kitchen rug, these cork placemats (love these for eating with mini — they look stylish but are easy to wipe down), and this nativity set, which mini absolutely has lost her mind over. We play with it every day. Incidentally, a perfect way to begin to speak to her about religion.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
-Mary Oliver
I discovered this poem on a chance encounter this past weekend and must have read it four or five times, moved by its sentiment. I then discovered a recording of Mary Oliver herself reading it aloud and — oh. How achingly perfect. While I spent some time pondering the ethics of the poem, sorting through my perspective on them (“you do not have to be good” gives the rule-abiding “good girl” in me deep pause; “you do not have to repent” flies in the face of my Catholicism), in the end I can’t imagine a didacticism that better aligns with my outlook on, well, the heft and balance of life right now. I am drawn to the naturalism of making space for myself, feeling what I feel without the censor of comparison, shame, jealousy, or the brassy though often phantom centurions of what is socially politic. I love, too, the poem’s weaving of the self into the natural world: the tethering of the rhythms of the heart to the migration of the geese, to the passing of a rainstorm. Your uncanned emotions are as welcome a part of this world as are you — all of you.
Yes.
Worthy thoughts for a quiet Tuesday, which I will sully with two apposite addenda I can’t prevent myself from sharing:
I went with a few members of my book club to hear Lauren Groff read a selection from her excellent book of short stories, Florida (full review here; strongly recommend this book), last week. At the risk of sounding…petty? unkind?, I found her reading a distraction from the quality of the book. I had understood her tone so differently! Her affect in person was more sarcastic and light-hearted, less elegiac and poetic. I interpret the stories differently now. A funny thing, as in a Q+A afterward, she commented that “books don’t really belong to authors after they’re published; they belong to the readers.” And yet hearing her read her own work was a revision, a reclamation of sorts, of my previous readings. (Also, can you imagine my shock when — out of all the short stories in the collection — she chose to read “Midnight Zone”? A tale of a mother who suffers a head injury? Several of you had written to remind me of the story after my own fall! What are the odds?!) Not so with Mary Oliver’s reading (linked above), which sounded to me exactly as it should: sage, measured, reassuring without being saccharine.
As I was copying and pasting the lines above, my computer reformatted the poem so that all of the lines ran together in one block paragraph. I went back through to add the appropriate line breaks, at first trying my own hand at arranging the lines from memory. It was a humbling reminder of the craft of the poet and the fact that form matters. Or, rather, form shapes matter. The poem transformed in inflection as I spliced and trimmed the block into its intended breaks, its pauses and run-ons drawing new and different moods and observations to the foreground, letting others recede. A rearrangement of poetic furniture. The isolation of “love what it loves” on its own line in particular stuck in my throat. The line’s insistence, its persistence, moved me. If you are ever in the mood for a provoking intellectual exercise, try the same yourself. You’ll read ten poems in one and then appreciate the original all the more.
If you’re not familiar with Mary Oliver, please start with this slim book of essays, which is smart and observant and poignantly respectful of the natural world in a way that makes you think twice, or three times, or even four, about the spider building its web in the corner of your attic.
Post-Scripts.
+I had a reader write in asking for low heels or flats to wear to a wedding that will take place on cobblestones. My response: I immediately thought of Loeffler Randall’s Coco heels (on sale). They’re velvet and have a block heel and come in great colors that would contrast well with your dress. If the heel is too high, their Celeste model is similar and even lower in heel height. My other thought was to do a flat velvet or satin mule. These are so trendy right now — you can find them everywhere! — and I like the idea of having them look like a tuxedo slipper with your dress. It’s a bold look but you can absolutely pull it off! Think of something like Aquazzura’s Powder Puff. You can get the look for less with these. Or go embellished with these — which really remind me of tuxedo slippers! Finally — how funky/cool are these?! Love the embellished toe and brocade print. They are LOUD. Would look amazing with big sparkly earrings!
+NYE will involve Mr. Magpie and I on a couch at home this year, probably in bed just after the ball drops. Thinking that in lieu of a new dress I’ll order these and call it a night. Oh but they make me happy.
+I have been getting a lot of mileage out of my fur vests this season — a black and a beige-white. This is a great option at an even greater pricepoint, and it comes in such great colors. The pastel pink is chic, especially in light of my feminine aesthetic at the moment.
+Speaking of Gucci vibes: this coat for mini! I am so torn between that style and this one. Have never ordered from this site before but willing to test the waters for one of these precious jackets.
+If you liked the velvet hairbows I featured in these posts but not the price — just found a great Etsy source that might be up your alley: try this!
+A dress for a hot young thing. Mackenzie Horan, you are welcome. (This has your name all over it and inside out.)
+This is one of my favorite hacks for an organized under-sink area (we’ve ceded all precious drawer space to utensils and implements and no longer have a “baggie drawer” as we used to call it in Chicago): I keep all of our saran wrap, wax paper, foil, and baggies lined upright in these. Keeps everything tidy and easy to grab. I’ve had at least three New Yorkers marvel over them — “oh, what a good way to keep that organized!”
I fell deeply in love with this bow-shouldered frothy confection the minute I laid eyes on it. It had sadly sold out in my size in the ivory/black, which I was going to test drive for Christmas this year, but I ordered it in the pink instead. Very Clara from the Nutcracker. Still might wear it for Christmas Eve — who says you have to wear red on Christmas?! I love the length and drape of that dramatic velvet bow. It will look perfect with my burgundy velvet pumps (under $100!). If you are similarly smitten with the label, make sure to enter code THANKYOU10 for 10% off your first order. I had to keep myself from ordering the coordinating dress for mini (I am loving their childrens’ line in particular for special occasions — Baptisms! Weddings! Etc.) as mini is well teed-up in the holiday attire department already. You can also score floral-printed variations on the holiday dress on sale here and here.
The frothy, ladylike aesthetic has me shunning black, leather, and minimalism in favor of pastel, velvet, and pearl. I’m especially keen on this Lele Sadoughi headband, which I’ve seen all over the place lately. Would love to pair it with my favorite everyday cashmere and dark wash denim for an easy look. I also dug out my Lele Sadoughi flower earrings — one of my favorite pairs this summer; they’ll now be worn proudly this winter, too. Somehow the vibe also made me lust after a Van Cleef & Arpel quatrefoil necklace, just the kind of “forever gift” that would make a golden anniversary that much more special. Until then, I’ll make do with this lookalike style. Also swooning over these classic pumps in the prettiest shade of pink — or loud and proud glitter for NYE!
More LoveShackFancy-Inspired Goodness.
Also loving these pieces, which would all coordinate brilliantly with anything from the LSF collection — or stand up on their own, for that matter.
P.S. How are your holiday decorations coming? The one thing I’m truly missing is a tree topper. We have a star with one of those stupidly-designed coils that ensures it is always crooked. (Who designed that?!) I’m finding myself drawn to this angel. Any other suggestions? I also think I might need these.
I shared some of my retail therapy scores just yesterday, but I also splurged on a tub of La Mer moisturizing cream. I often toggle between La Mer and less expensive brands; recently, I have been loving Ole Henriksen’s C-Rush Brightening Gel Creme, which melts into your skin and leaves it plump and moisturized. But. The only facial cream I have ever used that has yielded actual results in terms of improving the texture of my skin and reducing the appearance of wrinkles is La Mer. And with my facial injury, I thought — you know, why not splurge on this aspect of skincare? I used the Sephora $25 off promo that is running right now to soften the blow 🙂
You’re Sooooo Popular: Le Cashmere Sweater.
The most popular items on le blog this week:
+My current favorite sweater. I own it in the ivory and love how lightweight but warm it is. Easy to layer beneath a vest or on top of a tee and surprisingly flattering!
+My go-to evening jumpsuit. Just wore this to the opera last weekend. For those inquiring: I would say it runs slightly large, but intentionally so — it sort of grazes the body rather than clinging to it. The effect is an elegant, fluid sachay through a party scene. LOVE the bows on the shoulders!
+Cashmere joggers, now marked down to under $170 when added to cart!
The terms “self-care” and “wellness” have been overused to the point of meaninglessness in the last few years. They’re marketing speak for “something that you can buy that will make you feel good about yourself — but not in an indulgent way; in a I’m-promoting-my-own-health-and-therefore-don’t-need-to-feel-guilty-about-the-expense kind of way.” You could slap the term “wellness” onto products as disparate as quinoa, vitamin e oil, organic peanut butter, and jade eggs and I wouldn’t bat an eye. “Yes, wellness,” I’d nod in hazey agreement.
But today I want to write about a different kind of self-care — the kind of self-care so many of you prescribed in your thoughtful emails and texts and comments in reaction to my injury post from earlier this week. (I promise I won’t spend the next month talking about my accident — but it is fresh, and I am moved by your generous and helpful replies, and I cannot quite disentangle myself from its shock yet.) So many of you urged me to give myself a little extra love this week, be it through manicures or retail therapy or permission to go to bed at 8 p.m. More than one loved one told me to put my feet up and enjoy a cup of tea, which reminded me of yet another memorable line from an otherwise uneven movie: Rose Byrne’s character tells the son of Ethan Hawke’s character to “drink a cup of clever tea.” “Why clever?” asks the boy. “Because it always knows where to go — to your stomach, if you’re having a stomachache, to your head, if you’re having a headache.” Or, in the case of this past week, straight to my overworked nerves. I have been feeling skittish since the fall. I find myself flinching, walking slowly and carefully around the apartment, jumping at sounds. I had a horrible dream that a loved one died. Mr. Magpie made a joke that I misinterpreted and I burst into tears. When he asked me what was really going on, the truth emerged fully-formed, though I’d not been conscious of it until prompted: “I feel like something bad is going to happen at any moment.”
We talked through this for awhile. He insisted that accidents happen. He gestured to the long list of comments on my blog, where so many of you shared your own stories of various physical incidents that left you scarred or bruised or shaken. And he also said that I can’t live my life in fear. “Your body develops all kinds of mechanisms to prevent you from running into the same problems you’ve run into before. Just think about it — how often did you skin your knee as a kid? When was the last time you did it as an adult? Granted, you aren’t running and sliding around like when you were a kid, but the point still stands: you learn, your body learns.”
I left the conversation reassured but have nevertheless been cocooning myself from threats. One of you wrote that I should “treat myself like I would a loved one.” And it brought to mind the time my sister underwent oral surgery and came to my apartment after because our parents were out of town. I remember folding down the sheets of my bed for her, which I’d just cleaned that morning in anticipation of her visit. Blending her a smoothie, garnishing it with a straw I’d purchased just for the occasion. Smoothing down her hair, sitting beside her with my portable DVD player on my lap. Quietly creeping from the bedroom in an exaggerated tiptoe when she dozed off, still bleary from the sedatives and drugs she’d been given. I have been trying to channel that kind of sisterliness toward myself. I have cleared my schedule, permitted myself grace in getting through my to-dos, and fastidiously avoided any kind of precarious behavior. For example — and I will get into trouble with Mr. Magpie for admitting this — I am wont to leap up onto the countertops and stand on my tiptoes rooting around for spices and lifting heavy Staub pots down when I need them. It’s dangerous and I shouldn’t do it. (Mr. Magpie yells at me when he catches me mid-Mission-Impossible-esque catwalking around on the counters.) And so this week, when Mr. Magpie was still at work and I needed panko from the top shelf, I demurred. I got creative, using crushed-up corn flakes in lieu of the panko required. Why take the risk?
I took something else away from Mr. Magpie’s encouraging pep talk: the discovery that I had been unwittingly positioning myself as a helpless victim, about to fall prey to some insidious threat not yet seen. I didn’t like that. I’d never seen myself in that light before. I actually wrote an entire post on how deeply responsible I feel for everything that happens in my life. Incidentally, one of the main things I kept saying after I fell was: “I am so sorry.” Mr. Magpie was baffled by the apologies, but I know why I was saying it: because I felt responsible for the horror of the fall, because I felt I was to blame for it. At any rate, the day after Mr. Magpie’s chat, I turned proactive. I tracked down and made an appointment with a plastic surgeon to help me ensure I am doing everything in my power to heal with minimal scarring. I added four potential treatments to my Amazon cart (bio oil, vitamin e oil, silicon pads — all of the things you suggested!) in case the doctor suggested any of them. I wanted to be prepared. I set up my annual wellness exam with my general internist. I scheduled an eye doctor appointment. And I even made appointments to see two potential orthodontists about Invisalign, which I have been thinking about doing for the last two years. I ordered La Mer face cream. In short, I said: “I can languish under the shock of what happened, or I can take action and try to make sure I look and feel my best in short order.”
And so this is where I am these days, in a mode of determined — though gentle — self-care, forgiving myself for putting mini in front of The Grinch movie two afternoons in a row, loosening the valves on my pressure gauge, and yet still ticking through personal to-dos in a way that makes me feel as though I am owning the situation. It’s not a bad place to be, if I’m honest. I feel cushioned. I’d prescribe the same for you, with or (preferably) without the head injury.
+This throw reminded me so much of my sister, who is an avid knitter. I can just imagine her cozying up under it. (But the problem with an avid knitter is that she’d probably look at this and think – “I could make that!”) Would be a cute housewarming pillow tied up with a big green grosgrain bow. (I’m never without a spool on hand.)
+Speaking of iconic green — if you live in New York, you’ve probably been to the famous Ralph’s Coffee Bar, known most of all for its Instagrammability. Just discovered you can order a cup and saucer to recreate the experience at home. So fun! I have a cup of tea every night after dinner — would be fun to upgrade my nightly ritual with one of these.
+These rollers were all the rage last year. Do people still use them?! I’ve heard good things.
+LOVE the styling on this jewelry case — looks like something I’d take on safari if I were European royalty. Would look super elegant displayed on a dresser or even disguised as decor, sitting on a shelf!
+Guilty pleasure admission: Mr. Magpie and I both love instant mi goreng noodles, especially as a late night snack, particularly after a night out on the town (we got home from the opera last Friday and whined that it was all we wanted — but we were out). They’re like instant ramen but SO much better — though I will admit they’re still bad in a good kind of way. I just ordered a full 30-pack box of them and am going to wrap it up like a proper gift and put it under the tree for Mr. Magpie 🙂 Hope he’s not reading this RN. But if he is: you’re welcome.
+Well this would be a fun family alternative to puzzles for dog-lovers!
By: Jen Shoop
In the wake of my accident earlier this week, I indulged in some retail therapy. I first snagged this horse-print dress (shown above on the uber chic model Camille Charriere) from hip label Ganni, which I had been eyeing for several months. (It’s selling out fast — I kept refreshing the pages of Farfetch, Shopbop, and Net-A-Porter until the last size 34 appeared on Shopbop, but I keep seeing a few pop up here and there. It’s least expensive here, but in limited sizes. Separately, I had always been leery of Farfetch — the site feels…weird? But I ordered my Golden Goose sneaks from there and was super impressed with the experience. Fast, inexpensive international shipping; they showed up within two days of ordering!) Anyway, I love the whimsical print, sort of a nod to the prairie chic trend I wrote about over the summer. I’m going to complete the look with a low brown suede boot like this. #DowntownBohoJen.
Then I found myself ordering this dramatic fair isle sweater dress, which I had also been eyeing for quite some time, and which I found for under $100 thanks to a L&T coupon code (enter FRIENDS at checkout). I like the idea of pairing this with a more stately black suede pump for a dinner out. From there, I ordered this J. Crew buffalo plaid shirt-jacket. I like this kind of boxy masculine style layered under a fur vest with some arm candy and dark skinnies (or winter white jeans!) and boots for errand days.
As I surveyed my bounty, I realized I had just begun to assemble a picture-perfect wardrobe for a ski trip to Aspen. Aspen is probably my favorite place on earth, second to San Sebastian, Spain, where Mr. Magpie and I vacationed a few years ago and, in a cava-and-foie-gras-induced ecstasy, seriously contemplated going rogue by moving abroad, buying a flat in the Basque Country, and doing something food-related for the rest of our lives. But Aspen…! I spent my childhood summers there. My parents rented a condo for the entire month of July most years and we would pass our time hiking, swimming, horseback riding, wading through crystal-clear streams, and taking in the sophisticated charms of Aspen. Then, two years ago, my parents took us all back, and it was heaven, again. There is something about the rustle of wind in the Aspen trees and the coolness of the air and the purity of the landscape that is borderline transcendental. I took many walks — solitary and with sisters — along a footpath close to the condo we stayed in where I felt a kind of spiritual calm I’d not felt in years. The vista, the air, the languid pace of life: Aspen is medicinal. And maybe this is why I was feeling a draw towards its purple mountained majesty this week of all weeks.
I contemplated doing something insane — booking a weekend getaway to Aspen for the family. But then the reality of a scheduled December sank in, and so I returned to my senses. But not without daydreaming about what a complete wardrobe for such an escapade might entail. Below, some of my favorite Aspen-inspired finds:
+This chunky knit sweater. I love its unexpected 80s-vibes length. (Kim Basinger, can ya hear me?) I deeply appreciate its styling on the site — I kind of want to wear it over a slip dress with snakeskin boots, too. Tres chic. Alternately, we can go more approachable with a pair of winter white jeans (or dark wash denim!) and some powerhouse booties (these are refined; these are a chunky but on-trend).
+Love the look of the fur-trimmed hiker boot these days — I love these in the black, these in the gray, or — budget buy! — these in the white, which I’ve actually seen on a number of bloggers to great effect. Super chic for the price!
+If you’re looking for *actual* hiking boots because you will *actually* be hiking, please do not wear any of the styles above. These Danner boots are the ultimate. (Love the rich leather and striking red laces!)
+For layering over EVERYTHING: this epic vest. I die over the details: the color, the side tie. So incredibly chic. I love it over this cashmere henley (dreamy) or this inexpensive thermal tee (which I own in multiples — the perfect layering basic! No tag so also very comfortable for sleep).
+Very into the look of a ribbed cashmere beanie this season, especially in a pastel. Jenny Walton bought this one in blue ($30! << good Christmas gift for a white elephant exchange!), I bought this one in lilac, and I’m also loving this style in all colors with coordinating mittens.
+If you’re actually skiing — or even if you’re not, come to think of it — these snow boots are the ultimate in ski bunny cuteness. I like them in white or the periwinkle blue color.
+For functional outerwear, you can’t beat Canada Goose’s parkas, North Face Minna mittens (they are fleece-lined!), and Sorel Joan of Arc boots — I’ve written about all three extensively and feel they are the absolute best for braving the elements and staying warm while looking cute. (This from a gal who braved almost five Chicago winters, which typically stretched from October to May — sometimes June — and once reached a bone-shivering low of negative 35 with wind chill. Negative 35. NEGATIVE THIRTY FIVE. Holy coldness.) Also, you need a lot of Smartwools and some hand-warmers, too.
Getting this out just under the wire as I realize we are very close to Christmas and holiday party season is in full swing — but! There is still time to order holiday looks for your minis. Below, my favorite finds:
What I bought for mini: this candy-cane collared white dress, this tartan dress, and a few now-out-of-stock pieces I bought last year, including a darling scottie-print Sal E Pimenta dress and a forest green Luli & Me satin number. We have a lot of events coming up!
I had trouble tracking down a pair of “party shoes” for the season. I wanted them in either velvet or patent leather, and I felt like so many of the styles I’ve seen have clunky soles that I hate. I ended up ordering these in darling navy and may order them in black if I like them. I also considered these (the bronze is cool) and these.
Bought a couple of velvet bows from here. I am usually a devotee of PoppyBows on Etsy, but I’m testing these, which are half the price…
Shortly after I was first married, Mr. Magpie was finishing up his MBA program and applying to jobs. I was preoccupied with my own career and shamefully ill-attuned to the internal strife he was enduring as he put himself out there in interviews and fretted over where he would land, itching to contribute to the family and also anxious to determine the next step. Would we move? At what cost? I have since discovered that there are few experiences more damaging to the ego than interviewing for jobs over the course of a couple months. What’s wrong with me? you start to wonder. You agonize over your responses. You obsess over whether you misspoke, whether you should have tossed in a comment about your depth of experience in xyz. And living in limbo is emotionally arduous. At the time, though, I hustled through the door after work and barreled into my evening routine.
I wrote about this incident elsewhere, but one day, I came home and found a rabbit’s foot on top of Mr. Magpie’s cell phone, a talisman I’d never seen before. He’d hunted it out of a small cigar box of personal memorabilia, along with letters I’d written him and miscellaneous medals and other trinkets acquired over the course of his three decades on this earth. It had been his father’s. He’d placed it on the phone in the hopes of channeling good energy, coaxing a favorable phone call from a potential employer.
My heart fell through my body when I saw this. He brushed it off, smiling.
“All ballplayers are superstitious.” But I saw it for what it was: the extent of his agony, his heart on the table, on top of that cellphone.
I mentioned to my mother that the interviewing process was wearing him thin. A few days later, she handed me a small blue booklet: a guide to saying a novena to Saint Mary. I was not nearly as devout then as I am now, and I will admit to pocketing it warily. It felt old-world, almost voodoo-like, if I am being frank. I hid the booklet in my nightstand, unsure of how Mr. Magpie would receive it. But I said it. Every night, for the full nine days.
Mr. Magpie got a job offer from Groupon almost immediately after, and we moved to Chicago within a month.
I believe in Mary. I believe in the power of prayer. But even if you don’t, I believe there is a kind of grace in the ritual of repeated intentions. There is something at once soothing and empowering about returning to a particular intention night after night, of exerting spiritual and mental effort to change your outlook on something. It’s about making space for your aspirations. Squaring off a bit of time in your day to think about something head-on. Taking the time to water and prune and shift your budding dreams around in their little claypots.
One thing I realized from this post and my reflections on the countless comments and emails I have received in response to it (even now, weeks after publishing it, I receive the sweetest notes about it — if it weren’t an infringement on your privacy, I would love to publish the many beautiful but heart-aching stories you have shared with me) is that the delta between our expectations and our realities can be quietly devastating. And that many of us lay in our beds at night and brood over what could be, what could have been — often to the detrimental exclusion of recognizing the good in what is now. I am the guiltiest of this despite writing prolifically on the topic. And so I thought today I might offer up the novena. Whether you pray it by-the-book (there are many versions available online) or simply use the notion as a jumping off point to build a nightly sanctuary in which to reflect on the weight in your heart, I have always found that it yields quiet in tumult. And, if we are very lucky, a job offer from Groupon.
Post-Scripts.
+There is an insane shoe sale happening at Barney’s right now. I love these statement Miu Miu slides (epic — this is the kind of extra shoe I’d never buy at full-price but then will rock all summer long; imagine with white jeans and a breezy white tunic? Or a simple white tee?), these shearling trim flats ($118?!?!), and these cha-cha-cha Manolos, which are just ITCHING for a dance floor.
+I have seen a couple of street style starlets in this leopard Ganni dress and I unabashedly copycatted — it’s been sold out for a LONG time but was recently stocked. I’ll be wearing mine with my suede kitten heel booties. You can get the look for less with this dress or with this turtleneck and the coordinating skirt — or dial it back by pairing the turtleneck with a black skirt. Leopard is so in R.N., but if you’re not into animal print, this floaty ankle-length dress achieves a similar vibe and would also look fantastic with booties.
+Already eyeing this for next spring. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. Did I mention I love it?
+Polo is running 40% off a spate of fantastic, traditional gifts — especially welcome for gentlemen in your life. In my cart: this cashmere beanie in navy (Mr. Magpie would look so handsome in it!), this washable cashmere sweater in the light brown or green (washable!), and these ski socks! And for minis: this coat in ivory, which I was literally *thisclose* to buying mini this year; any of their incredible cashmere sweaters — all 40% off! — and I especially love this in gray or this in pink; and this cotton sweater in great colors (for boys or girls).
+My cardigan sweater went on sale! I’ll be wearing mine in the heather brown color with winter white denim.
+These fun slingbacks are 50% off. The red would be such a treat with your Christmas dress!
+OK LOVE this BR dress — it’s sort of Lanvin with that black-on-gunmental situation, but a little more reserved. Might be good if you’re going to a corporate holiday party? I’d doll it up with big statement earrings in black. Also love this metallic pleated skirt. Just the thing with a silk blouse or tank. (Would look phenomenal with my new Everlane bow blouse!)
+Just bought this. Looks like Missoni or something!!!
+I like to try new scents but I almost always fall back on Narcisco Rodriguez’s For Her Eau de Parfum. It’s both soft and sophisticated — floral but with a kind of spice to it. Sephora is currently running one of its tiered promotions — $25 off $75 purchases — so it’s a great time to purchase perfume at a rare discount.
On Saturday night, I was rushing around the apartment tidying up when I tripped on the edge of our dining room rug and ran my face into the wall. The blunt force of the wall radiated through my skull; I fell to the ground. I knew something was very, very wrong. The sound, the pain. I felt liquid pooling on my forehead and immediately thought I had broken my nose. I called to Landon. He is calm in these situations, but my stomach knotted when I noted his furrowed brow and his hastiness to find not just a wad but a roll of paper towels.
“Do I need stitches?” I asked in my calmest voice. He didn’t answer for a minute, just continued to apply pressure to my face, swapping out wads of bloodied paper towel every minute or so.
“What hurts most? Can you see OK? How do you feel? Are you dizzy?” He went through a battery of questions, and I continued to hastily ask whether I needed stitches. My mind was immediately going to who we could call to look after mini, who was an hour or so into her nightly sleep, if we needed to go to the hospital. Finally, he said: “I don’t think you need stitches. But I’m not going to lie: it’s a pretty big cut, Jennie.”
At that point, I lost the tenuous grip I had on serenity. Once the pragmatics of what we might do with mini should we need to make a trip to the ER were off the table, I had space to take in the horror of what had just happened. I kept replaying the fall, which had felt as though it was in slow motion. I’d been scrambling to get my balance, to get a purchase on my slipping feet, and I remember having the time to think: “Oh God, that wall!” And then the dull thud. I replayed it over and over. How had it happened? My fingers started tingling; I felt dizzy. I started to cry.
“You’re going to be fine,” Mr. Magpie said over and over. He sat with me on the floor until I felt stable enough to sit. He gave me water from a straw. He applied a bandage the size of Montana on my head — proof that it’s important to have a well-stocked first aid kit. (#thankyoumom.) He squeezed my hand and then said:
“You’re going to need to take another shower.” Tenderly, because he knows how skittish I am about such things. “You have…pink tips.” He smiled and put his fingers in my hair, which, I could tell, was matted with blood.
He helped me to the couch. We ate a slow dinner as I continued to discover new abrasions and forming bruises — the inside of my lip was lined with blood. It hurt to chew. I accidentally brushed my nose with my hand and it was tender to the touch. I called my mom and cried to her and then cried again after I got off the phone because — my God, Jen, you are thirty four and you still need your mom at nine-forty-seven p.m. at night and she won’t be here forever to calm you in the face of such modest tragedies. What will I do without her?! These maudlin thoughts crowded my mind and I wept.
I was a basket case.
I willfully avoided the mirror while getting ready for bed. I made Mr. Magpie sit next to the shower while I washed the blood out of my hair, arduously avoiding glances at the rivulet of bloody water pooling around my feet, cringing at the coppery smell wafting up from the floor.
Just the night before, we had been at the Metropolitan Opera, taking in Puccini’s Trittica, a trio of short operas. The final — and most famous — is the cheeky, comedic Gianni Schicchi, and if you haven’t heard its chief aria, “O Mio Babbino Caro,” you must. It will stir you to tears on the right day — say, when you’ve split your forehead open and busted your lip so badly it looks like you’ve had too many injections. But on that Friday night before my fall, one of the performers tripped on the edge of a rug on the set midway through the performance. I had noted it and wondered whether it was intentional; he played it off with aplomb. But the stumble hadn’t made sense within the context of the play. It was unremarked; it didn’t suit the character, who was not otherwise bumbling. I presumed it had been a fluke accident. He’d recovered with grace, and the show went on.
I seized on this detail late Sunday evening, marveling at the symmetry. When I’d observed the performer, I had thought: “Oh, he should slow down.” He was walking too quickly across the set; he was preoccupied with his performance, I prescribed. I had just written a post on unexpected signs and sat back in wonderment at the foreshadowing. I am convinced, now, that God has been telling me to slow down. I recently shared that I live my life under a kind of vague pressure, the source of which is dubious. The tripping opera performer, my own fall: God’s way of telling me to take my own medicine. Dial it back. Take a breath. Slow your roll.
But there were other lessons waiting for me, too. The day after my injury, I began wondering whether I should have gotten stitches after all. The mirror told a grotesque story and left a pit the size of Saturn in my stomach. Doctors in New York are notoriously difficult to get in to see; mine said the first availability he had was December 20th. I panicked as I wondered whether I should go to the local urgent care or head to the ER now, 36 hours after the incident. Finally, I hesitantly texted my neighbor, an ER doctor, hating myself for encroaching on her privacy but feeling the panic mount — “What should I do?!” She told me to come by so she could take a look. After a quick peek she looked me squarely in the eye and said: “Yes, you need stitches. The ER will be a five hour wait because there will be higher priority cases for you. Let me do it for you.” And so she gathered materials from the hospital and stitched me up on my own couch at home. Can you even imagine?! The unbelievable kindness of this woman! Her generosity in affording me some of her rare, precious spare time — which should be reserved for sleep and distraction. I am even now moved to tears by her neighborliness, her solicitude. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Quite literally in this case.
And there is this, too: recently, I have been agonizing over the wrinkles in my forehead, my dulling skin, the symptoms of my thirty-something age. When my mother called to check in on me a day after the fall, I burst into tears: “I’m going to have a huge scar on my face for the rest of my life,” I sobbed.
“Well, Jennifer,” she said, in that practical voice she uses to cut through the melodrama to which I am prone: “This isn’t a life-changing injury. This isn’t a disfigurement. This is a cut that will heal. You’ll put lots of Vitamin E on it. You might wear bangs for awhile. This is what makeup is for. But think about all of the cuts you’ve gotten over the course of your life: they heal. You will have a scar but what can you do? What’s done is done. Let’s move on.”
I needed to hear it. And I needed the reminder to be more grateful toward my body, anyhow. I’d gladly take the wrinkled but scar-free forehead I had last week over my current situation; why hadn’t I enjoyed what I had? I look down today and think: thank God for this working, pain-free body. For my able hands, for my clear eyes, for my long lashes. Even though my face is still tender and my lips look — in the words of Mr. Magpie — “like what a lot of misguided women pay a lot of money for” — and I cannot bear to be without an enormous bandage over my forehead, I thank God for it all. It is working, it will heal, and life moves on.
So take it from this modestly wounded little birdie: time to slow down and give thanks. As for me? I’ll be paying that act of neighborly generosity forward tenfold in the coming weeks — with French girl bangs to boot.
Post Scripts.
+Everyone in my family (dad, mom, sisters, brothers-in-law, Mr. Magpie, etc) owns this windbreaker from Marmot, now on sale in select sizes. It’s breathable, lightweight, ultra-packable — but wind-and-rain-repellent. It’s a perfect outdoor activity jacket when you’re iffy on the weather; it will stand you well in rain, cool, wind, sleet, etc. I love it so much I included it in my gift guide for men. Would be a great buy now that it’s marked way down in select colors! (I love the mallard green.)
+I usually let my SPF-packed tinted moisturizer do sunscreen duty, but, thanks to my little incident, I’m now committed to wearing a separate layer of SPF every day to assist in scar appearance reduction. I ordered this lightweight formula, which earns rave reviews. I’ll also be dousing my face in vitamin E oil — apparently also very good for scar healing and skincare in general (it purports to fade spots and prevent wrinkles; we shall see).
+This game has over 2,000 five star reviews. Thinking of ordering it to play with my siblings over Christmas.
+If I slept on the other side of the bed, I’d tuck this in at my bedside. Mr. Magpie and I usually fall asleep with the TV on and then grumble when the remotes wind up under the mattress or on the floor or digging into our backs. I’d love to have this as a permanent remotekeeper. I’m worried, though, that it would disturb the lovely lines of our fluffy white bed when you walk into our bedroom, as my side faces the door…tradeoffs. Does anyone else spend too much time thinking about such things? (In hunting for this solution, I also came across this shelf contraption, which would have been genius for me in college, when I didn’t have a bedside table and would just keep my phone in bed with me. Might be a clever gift for a dorm-bound sibling/child/neice.)
+This petite wreath with its burlap hanger are just darling for a New York-sized apartment.
+These new OXO fliplock glass containers are my dream for a super organized pantry. I currently have a few of these for storage loose snacks like goldfish, mixed nuts, etc. Why do these little storage vessicles bring me pleasure? We will never know.
A roundup of my favorite things right now below, but first — the above snap is everything I want to look like right now, from the bouncy blowout to the winter white denim.
My Favorite Things: Winter Edition.
+Caudalie Beauty Elixir (currently 15% off for large size). This was an unlikely romance. I did not care for this cult-following toning mist when I first used it. What’s all the buzz about? It’s just a setting spray. Mr. Magpie joked that it’s probably just La Croix water packaged nicely. But I have truly come around to it. I spritz it on my cleansed face in the morning and it zaps my skin of any lingering redness. The bracing scent wakes me (and my skin) up. It feels like drinking water when you’re uber-parched. I also spritz it on my makeup brushes when applying concealer/foundation and then use it to set my makeup when done. I also reapply it in the afternoon, when my skin needs a pick-me-up. A friend of mine — completely unsolicited, not knowing I had become a recent convert — whipped her own out the other day, urging me to try it. “I use it every day, everywhere. I keep one in my desk, in my purse, in my closet.” I get it. It’s addictive.
+Emu Mayberry Slippers. A match made in heaven. I wear these everyday around the apartment. They are improbably comfortable and bring me unwieldy joy. (They are also selling out everywhere on the web very quickly. PSA.)
+Shiseido Facial Cotton. I will never go back to the either rough, scratchy or thin and soggy cotton pads of days of yore. This is next level skincare, and it does not cost much more than your drugstore variety. It gently removes all makeup without dissolving/shredding in your hand or letting too much product seep through. It is like cleaning your face with clouds. You might say I’m being a bit heavy-handed with my review of this facial cotton but…it’s goooood.
+Everlane Waffle Cashmere Crewneck Sweater. Uber-soft, uber-warm, and uber-chic. I own it in the ivory color and love its slightly boxy fit (with trim-cut arms). Can’t stop wearing it / won’t stop wearing it.
+Sara Happ Lip Scrub. Thanks to the cooler weather, I have been relying on this lip scrub (followed by ungodly amounts of 8 Hour Cream — one of my all-time favorite products; I use this on everything from burns to abrasions to chapped lips to cuticles, something I picked up from my mom) to keep my lips smooth and moisturized. But let’s be real: the actual reason for this self-care routine is so that I can wear red lipstick to all my holiday parties (really want to try Kosas’ Thrillist color) without flaking lips.
+J. Crew Academy Loafers. I love these masculine-leaning loafers for running around after mini — they aren’t as precious as some of my designer shoes (ahem, have found myself wading through rainy puddles one too many times recently in these beauties — THE SHAME!)
+Theory Cashmere Joggers. I finally bought a pair of these cashmere joggers when they dropped down to $168 on Bloomie’s (add to bag for the additional 25% off). A girlfriend of mine with impeccable taste loves these so much that she bought them in triplicate after trying her first pair. She insists they are the perfect thing to wear while jetting out for coffee or to take the dog for a walk on a cold December morning — or curling up at home with a book. Sold.
+Nest Holiday Candle. Thank you to the many readers who urged me to try this delightful holiday-scented candle: it’s nicely perfumed (don’t you hate buying a candle that emits a 1″ radius of scent?!), lasts a decent amount of time, and costs substantially less than the Diptyque Feu De Bois I burned all last winter. Trust me: you’ll want to add this to your next Prime order.
+Progressive Brown Sugar Keeper. I have a — what shall we call it? — weakness? obsession? — with pantry organization. For frequent bakers like myself, let this be your clarion call: you must own these for your dark sugars. Because I’m me, I of course labeled both of mine with my label maker (one of my favorite purchases this year, hands down). Sugar stays soft and non-clumped. I could go to hell for the amount of dark sugar I ended up tossing because it ended up dried up like a brick over the years, stored in a plastic bag. No more. On the topic of kitchen konmari: I love these can organizers for my LaCroix/Sprindrift. Why? You can stack spare cans or whatever you’d like on the top. You would not believe how many can organizers I considered before finding these stackable ones. The best. I also love this brand’s clear bins — I have at least ten of them in our pantry to organize related products, i.e., baking gear, pastas, oils, etc. They make a huge difference, especially because we have tall shelving and it’s much simpler to simply pull down a bin to find what you’re looking for than to rifle through a shelf’s depth of condiments. Also, I love this for stowing my trusty kitchen gloves out of sight. (I love those kitchen gloves so much I buy them with Amazon’s subscribe & save option, getting a new pair once a month like clockwork.)
+Tory Burch Clara Flats. My go-to festive flats — I throw these on and instantly feel pulled together. How FUN?!
Post-Script: Recent, Random, Under-$20 Purchases That Make Me Happy.
+I’ve crossed a threshold into lame middle age territory by admitting that I look forward to the Mrs. Meyers’ seasonal scents for their home products. I like their counter spray and hand soap for the kitchen, which we go through with astonishing speed. Just ordered this “orange clove” set.
+I recently learned I am mildly anemic and my doctor prescribed iron supplements to treat it. The pills are grainy and — OK, I’ll admit it — I am bad at swallowing pills. I cough up/choke on my iron supplement about 50% of the time. (No joke. #Baby.) I bought this pill splitter and voila. Problem solved.
+Mini’s advent calendar (stuffed with a little gift each day of Advent — she wakes up an VOILA, a surprise awaits her!) has been a HUGE hit. Her favorite surprises? This book, which we have now read about 349898 times, and this little mouse stuffed animal. We had seen a whole display of woodland stuffed animals at the stunning ABC Home down by Union Square and I tracked down the brand — Hansa — and found this little mouse (they cost about 3x as much at ABC Home…) Mini had cottoned to this owl, which she pronounces “oh-low,” at the store, so I have my eye on that one, too, and how about this little fawn?!
+I adore this phone stand. It sounds frivolous but it is a delight when cooking in the kitchen (I often use my phone for recipes) or sitting at my desk, writing. I have a feeling a second purchase (bed side table) may be in order.
+Makeup Eraser. I had read about this wash-cloth many times — it apparently removes makeup with just water and then can be tossed into the washing machine after a couple of uses. I’ll still be using my Shiseido cotton and micellar water regularly, but I am tired of staining my towels with residual eye makeup / etc when I scrub my face at the end of the day and thought I’d give these a try. I found Nordstrom has a set of 4 for $40 in a smaller size — might be a good stocking stuffer/add-on for girlfriends?!
I thought I’d share answers to a spate of recent reader questions today. I absolutely love reading emails from you; I respond to each and every one. Imagine you’re sitting across from me at the coffee shop above, just two gal pals gabbing away. (Or join our book club and we can talk IRL.)
Q: Where can I find a non-cheesy adult advent wreath?
A: There are lot of really tacky looking ones out there. I was just looking for this the other day and came across this elegant, simple boxwood one. It doesn’t come with candles, but these would do — or, if you’re a traditionalist, this set, which includes the correct colors: three purple, one pink (at least in the Catholic church). For something a bit less traditional (and with a more petite footprint), I thought this modern take on the advent wreath was kind of cool in a Scandi-sleek way.
Q: What color is your iPhone case?
I own this in white. I debated between the white and orange for a long time though.
Q: I’m struggling with paint colors for our new house and thought I might ask you??
A: I’m a little bit out of my element here as I’ve only ever had to pick paint colors to repaint wooden furniture (and I picked a high-gloss forest green). We lucked out in the first home, as it had been recently repainted in elegant colors. But here are my thoughts:
+I learned this from this great book on interior design and specifically color theory: you should never be able to name a paint color head-on when you see it. I.e., you should have trouble “naming” the colors on your walls. They should be: “oh, it’s kind of a gray-green-blue…with a little yellow?” Or “it’s a whitish-gray color?” The point is that more sophisticated colors will be beautiful and unique blends. Anything that can be described as straight up “yellow” or “pink” is too much.
+I am personally drawn to yellow walls in living areas. My mother-in-law painted their front living area the happiest yellow-cream color and it always feels like the house is aglow. Random preference!
+I’d spend time scouring the sites of interior designers I like/trust — they often list the paint colors they’ve used, or might be able to answer a simple email. My personal favorite interior designers are Amy Berry, Veere Grenney, Nate Berkus, Mark D. Sikes, and Dina Bandman. Look at their portfolios and their Instagram accounts and see what strikes you. I am often drawn towards moody gray-blues, but I know a lot of people are very into whites/grays. They will probably have the colors listed!
+Designer/blogger Erin Gates occasionally runs blog posts on colors she recommends for the houses she designs (like this one), and they’re usually safe bets.
+This article might also be a good starting point.
Q: Can you share a refreshed day-in-the-life post now that you’re in NYC?
A: You are sweet to inquire. Because I’m a huge fan of the Grub Street Diet series, I’ll gluttonously indulge in my own, semi-food-oriented variation. Mini wakes us by 7 a.m. every morning, and I change her a diaper, pour her a bottle, and bring her into our bed to enjoy it while we squeeze in a final few minutes of rest. Then Mr. Magpie heads off for his shower/shave/dress routine while I turn on the news and play with mini for a few minutes — usually coloring or “changing babydoll’s diaper” these days — before I head into the kitchen to make breakfast, which is more of a production than it should be, to be honest. Mr. Magpie is ritualistic with his breakfast: I pour him a glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice, scoop out a bowl of yogurt (we love Noosa and Liberte), and cut up whatever fruit we have on hand — right now, a lot of pears, citrus, and melon because they are more in season than berries. I always add a “carb” to his plate, which he insists he does not need but always devours — a waffle with peanut butter on it, an English muffin with butter, a slice of babka from Breads Bakery (next door to us and the best in the city), and on good days, some sort of baked good I’ve prepared, like Orangette’s banana bread, which is always a crowd pleaser. Then I prepare breakfast for mini and I: sometimes overnight oats (so easy prepared the overnight way; we put diced banana, figs, and walnuts in ours), sometimes a fried or scrambled egg, sometimes waffles with cream cheese or peanut butter on top, sometimes yogurt with granola. And always fruit on the side. This morning, it was links of breakfast sausage from Eataly, cranberry English muffins (they are seasonal and SO GOOD) with Plugra butter, and segmented citrus (grapefruit for Mr. Magpie, mandarin oranges for mini and I). I don’t know how, but breakfast has become complicated in our little home! I find myself carrying out a huge tray of various plates. Eh well.
We all sit at the table during breakfast, commenting on the news and chatting about the day’s plans, and then Mr. Magpie prepares pourover coffee for me, packs his in a thermos (these are our favorite), and takes Tilly for her morning walk. Mini and I usually linger a little longer at the table and then she flutters around while I clear the table, clean the kitchen, tidy her toys, change her into her outfit for the day, make the beds, and get myself ready. Mr. Magpie is usually back at some point during this whirlwind of activity to kiss us goodbye and head out for the day.
On nanny days, I am regimented about having everyone dressed and the house tidy before 9 a.m. so that I can maximize writing time. I often pack mini’s lunch when our nanny has a playdate scheduled. Today, it was leftover “lemon pasta” (one of her favorite dishes — pasta mixed with grated lemon, pecorino romano, a bit of butter, and dried cranberries), veggie straws, and diced kiwi. I’ll have that packed in one of these bento box tupperware along with a full thermos of water and a baggie of diced fruit or goldfish or raisins by 9 a.m. as well. I usually try to hang out for a few minutes with mini and the nanny to catch up and make sure everything is going smoothly and then abscond to a nearby cafe or retreat to my bedroom to write. My goal is to complete two posts per nanny day, which sometimes happens and sometimes does not. I get a lot of questions about my process with this blog. The truth is that I have never had an encounter with writer’s block. How do I have so much to write?! I insist that you’d be hard-pressed to find a woman of thirty with less on her mind! I usually have a couple of ideas for a post floating around in my head at any given time. I’ll write until around 12:30, when I break for lunch — often leftovers or a hastily thrown together salad or tartine made from whatever we have on hand. Today was a good lunch day, though: a salad from Maison Kayser along with one of their olive rolls, to which I am unabashedly addicted. I almost always have a LaCroix or Spindrift with lunch. I usually call Mr. Magpie around this time for a quick catch-up, though we’ve often texted throughout the morning. Mini is home by now, either eating her lunch at the table or winding down for her nap, which usually starts between 1 and 1:30, so this time is often punctuated with breaks to attend to her.
After lunch, I take Tilly for a long walk while listening to a podcast (next on my list: the How I Made This featuring Jeni Britton Bauer, recommended by a reader) or talking to my mom or sister on the phone. After I return, I either resume writing, poke around the Internet looking for new inspiration, or tackle whatever to-dos are on my list and easier to accomplish without mini in tow. Sometimes that means a quick run to the grocery, a blog-related visit/meeting, a doctor’s appointment, a manicure, or getting a headstart on cooking dinner. (Mr. Magpie and I almost always plan our dinners a few days in advance so we have groceries on hand.)
Our nanny leaves at 5, at which point I try my darnedest to shut down my laptop and hide my phone so I can focus on mini. It’s an ongoing battle. We usually play and read books until 5:45, when I begin to prepare mini’s dinner — tonight, a chicken cutlet I pounded thin, breaded, and pan-fried, some orzo, and diced cucumber (one of the few vegetables she loves). I usually call my mom while making her dinner. Mr. Magpie is almost always home by six, so we sit at the table and enjoy a glass of wine and an “amuse bouche” (fancy for whatever we have on hand — smoked almonds, pumpernickel sticks, a little hunk of cheese) while she eats. Then it’s bath time, playtime, and finish-her-bottle time. She’s often so excited to see Mr. Magpie, there’s no one else in her entire universe for this hour. So I’ll tidy up the kitchen, her room, etc, and sneak in a little phone session while Mr. Magpie romps around with her.
Then bedtime for mini — we brush her teeth, say goodnight to everything and everyone (literally — Tilly, the oranges in the bowl on the table, dollbaby, lamps), read two books of her choosing, and say prayers. Then I kiss her and remind her how special she is and tuck her into bed. She’s easy with bedtime; she rarely makes a peep.
When I emerge from her nursery, Mr. Magpie and I usually high-five each other (no joke) and then make dinner. Mr. Magpie cooks most nights (he’s better at it than I am), though sometimes I’ll be at the helm. We cook almost every other night of the week, eating leftovers on the days in between and ordering out maybe once a week, usually on Saturday or Sunday. Last night, it was leftover pork cochinita tacos with rice and beans. Tonight, it’s a Zuni’s baked bonne femme fish recipe that I love and hate. Her recipes are overwrought and finicky in my opinion (and I’m a pragmatic cook!) — but Mr. Magpie is always quick to add: “and they turn out perfectly every time.” Harrumph. We’ve gotten into a bad habit of eating in front of the TV, but we promise ourselves it’s temporary, until we start eating dinner with mini, which we’ve begun doing on the weekends. Parents out there — who else agrees that there is something ridiculously luxurious about the glazed over quiet of dinner in front of a TV after a baby is asleep? I wish this weren’t true, but it is. After dinner, I make myself a cup of herbal tea (usually peppermint) and we have dessert. Always. Often ice cream (we love Adirondack pistachio-cardamom and Ample Hills Peppermint Pattie right now), but tonight, we’ve upgraded with cookies I picked up at Levain. Then I tidy the kitchen while Mr. Magpie takes Tilly on her evening walk, pour us both large glasses of water, wash and moisturize my face (I use this and this after removing makeup with micellar water and these cotton pads), and turn down our bed, a ridiculous little habit that makes me very happy. (I use this to make the sheets and pillows look extra inviting.) We’re usually in bed by 9:30 or 10, when I read for about thirty minutes on my Kindle while Tilly gets her nightly snuggle with Mr. Magpie.
And when I can’t sleep, something on this list happens, or I buy something online from my phone. Last night, it was these boots for mini.
Q:What would you tell someone wanting to create a blog in today’s saturated space?
A: Oof. This is a tough one. In general, I root on people who are striking out to build something of their own. But I am also conditioned and hardened by the experience of building and shutting down a business in the past, and so I say: think critically and carefully (see specific cautions below), know that nothing happens overnight (temper expectations!), and then go boldly into it.
My experience is assuredly idiosyncratic, but it’s all I know, so I’ll share my story. I began my blog purely as a passion project eight years ago. It was borne of boredom while exercising. At the time, I would sweat away on an elliptical for forty-five minutes a day (it now feels so dated to say that — what, no Orange Theory?!), and I’d kill the time by reading fashion magazines. I used to challenge myself to pick one item off each page that I’d actually want to buy (weird pastime) and to imagine how I’d style it. So it’s true what they say: boredom is the mother of invention. My little habit helped me refine my aesthetic and whetted an appetite for curating and organizing fashion finds — and so I launched a blog on WordPress. When I started, I didn’t write with an audience in mind (!) and had no ambition to turn it into a career; I hadn’t a clue about marketing it. I was pleasantly surprised when friends and family members started following along. The blog has grown organically over time, and, as I’ve gradually transformed it into more of a long-form writing outlet dotted through with things I love, the followers have multiplied. I’ve discovered — to my genuine delight — that many of you share similar interests, queries, anxieties, triumphs along the way. Hm: so I am not alone in my thoughts after all?
Interestingly, I have found that my blog has truly taken off ever since I carved out the time and space to dig into the writing, which, I’ve come to realize, is my biggest strength. And so, if I were to hazard a guess, I’d say that I’ve been successful because I’ve been driving in my own lane and doing what feels authentic to me: writing, reading other good writing, and writing about that reading — but balancing it all with lighter fare. I am not a noncomformist in any way in my life, but I do feel I am squarely doing my own thing with this blog, so perhaps I qualify here.
This to-thine-ownself-be-true ethos makes sense within a broader business context, too: when I was building a technology company, investors loved asking us about our “unfair competitive advantage.” This was trite start-up lingo for “what makes you different? / what makes you more likely than the next guy to succeed”? If I were to answer this question about my blog, I’d say that I have brought my background in academia/literature to bear in a unique outlet for long-form writing about motherhood, adulting, relationships, and other lifestyle topics. This might be a useful framework for thinking about a new blog. What sets you apart? What makes you unique? Is it your voice? Is it your background in a particular industry that will give you an “insider’s look”? Is it your connections to amazing people whom you can feature? If you can articulate something compelling here, there’s probably a meaty opportunity at hand.
Q: I always struggle to find winter-appropriate shoes for date nights out. What do you wear with skirts/dresses?
A: Suede pumps (these are my upgrade pick) or suede kitten-heeled booties (these are my upgrade pick) are my go-tos. I wear them with jeans and a blouse or with black tights when wearing skirts/dresses. I also love Loeffler Randall’s high-shaft boots from years past, like their Ranas (still a few available on Amazon). I have three or four LR pairs in slightly varying styles I bought over the years that I rotate through. The quality of their boots is insane, and I like how their older styles are a bit less trendy/more timeless, with a reasonable heel.
Q: NYC mom here — how did you find your nannies? Did you do a trial period before hiring full-time?
A: All word of mouth! My mom had told me first-hand referrals were the best way to find a good nanny, and I obliged. She also encouraged me to cast a wide net, and to ask everyone from doormen to housekeepers to friends, and so I did! The first nanny we found was through our doorman (and we adored her, and we still use her to sit!) We have learned over time that it’s important to be specific and up-front about expectations while interviewing, and to take your time, too. One of the most illustrative questions to ask is: “Is there anything you absolutely don’t do/aren’t comfortable doing around the house or with regards to caring for mini?” It’s interesting to hear the responses — this is where you find out if someone is uncomfortable with doing laundry or feeding the dog or cooking or whatever it might be. (All of which is fine — but important for ironing out!) I also always make clear that I work from home; some nannies don’t like that. Anyway, I digress.
Yes, we do a trial period before hiring; we didn’t initially, but have learned it’s better that way. We agree to a month-long trial where we pay by the hour and ensure that we are the right fit for her and vice versa. At the end of the month, we talk about how things went and decide whether to pursue a formal arrangement, which will in turn include paid time off, a list of paid holidays, transit arrangements, pay rate, protocol when ill, etc.
I also had some luck finding nannies to interview through the Facebook group “Upper West Side Moms.” (I think there are groups for most neighborhoods in Manhattan.) There are almost always moms posting about nannies looking for extra work.
Q: I run a startup and have had a rough and tumble 2018, which is ending on a high note with closing my first round of fundraising from a strategic partner I’m really excited about. I want to commemorate this milestone for myself, and acknowledge what I accomplished to make it happen, and so am thinking about buying myself a piece of jewelry — ideally a necklace, as I’m not much of a bracelet person and my engagement/wedding ring are pretty dominant on my left hand. I’ve been eyeing Maya Brenner necklaces but those feel a little to mom + baby-centric in many cases, and like Ariel Gordon’s stuff but definitely want silver/platinum and her smaller more every day dainty pieces available in those metals don’t resonate with me for this particular use case — they’re a little too cutesy.Suggestions?
A: First: THE HUGEST CONGRATULATIONS! Successful fundraising is soul-and-body-depleting and also ultra-rare for women. I am so excited for you and love the idea of commemorating this enormous achievement with a piece of jewelry.
The first thing I thought was of the silver diamonds-by-the-yard necklace Mr. Magpie gave me for a birthday a few years ago. I wear it every single day. It looks just as elegant with a formal evening gown as it does peeking out underneath a crisp white button down while pitching to investors. I love the length, the proportions, the delicacy of it. A lot of jewelers carry variations on this theme, possibly for less. But there’s nothing like Tiffany.
My second thought was Jennifer Zeuner. I love her delicate layering pieces and a lariat necklace of hers was one of my most cherished possessions for several summers until I lost it. I personally love this customizable necklace, which you could do with your name or initials or even a saying that matters to you. I also love this delicate cross but know that’s not for everyone — other chic pieces include this horoscope necklace (if you’re into that — these are so cool!) and this wishbone necklace. (Personally, I think entrepreneurs need both wishbones and backbones.)
I know you said you’re not into bracelets as much, but I have also eyed these Monica Vinader bracelets for a long time. You can get them engraved!
You might also check out Missoma. They have a little quirkier pieces — more like vintage flea market looking finds — but I love a lot of their pieces.
Q: Just for fun – what’s the best bargain you’ve scored in recent memory?
I managed to snag one of these alpaca throws for our new bedding situation with a one-day-only $100 off code at St. Frank. I had been eyeing them for years but just couldn’t pull the trigger.
Q: Baby girl essentials: best hair bows and girly clothes!
A: Hair bows: PoppyBows on Etsy. The best colors and styles. I do feel like her prices keep going up, though!
Girly clothes: oh my, where to begin? The brands I continue to return to season after season are Luli and Me (love classics like this), La Coqueta (love floral dresses like this — on sale!), Sal E Pimenta (especially for swimwear), Foque (mini has worn this many times this season), and Bellabliss (mini wore this for her “twos program” interviews — I like that they walk the line between traditional and wearable very well; there is nothing too frou frou and most holds up well in the wash). When I first found out I was pregnant with a girl, I spent a lot of money at Jacadi, too. They have the most adorable pieces with elegant details like bows and scallop trim. I like classics like this corduroy jumper, and they last and last and last. I am also constantly scouring Gap (gravitate towards classics like this), Zara (this with a peter pan collar onesie underneath is right up my alley), and H&M (this is fun!) for standouts.
Q: Favorite holiday traditions? Any updates on the book?
A: Love this question! I wrote about some of our holiday traditions here, mainly as they pertain to decorating. But the main traditions I’m most excited to introduce to mini are: 1) an advent calendar with a special treat every day; 2) a creche, where baby Jesus is only put out on Christmas morning — my mom did this when we were growing up and it was so special; and 3) Christmas just for Mr. Magpie and I. We always pick a night before Christmas (since we’re always down in D.C. for the actual day), make an elaborate meal, drink expensive champagne, and watch A Christmas Story while exchanging gifts. It is the absolute coziest.
The book! THE BOOK! I have the concept in my mind and have written bits of it in fits and starts. I am a long way off to be honest. I think I would need to add an extra day or two a week of dedicated writing time to get through it at a reasonable clip. I have thought about pausing and polishing some of the vignettes I’ve written and am pleased with and sharing them here on the blog…stay tuned! You are kind to ask. What do you want to read?!?!?
Q: Would you ever do an apartment tour?
A: Yes, but I’d probably omit the corner of our bedroom with that heinous dresser I wrote about (HA!). In all reality, this may actually happen sooner than later as I have a dear friend working on a special project along these lines. Will announce as details materialize!
By: Jen Shoop
My Latest Snag: The Winter White Lewk.
I was recently inspired by my chic friend Alison Kenworthy to consider wearing more white in winter. She showed up to a coffee date wearing white denim when there was still snow on the ground, and it was a breath of fresh air (and also a convenient reminder to shop my own closet). I like the look of winter whites grounded with camel — so I am layering my favorite white jeans (J. Brand all the way) with my favorite white long-sleeved tee and a camel duster, finished with some smart-looking loafers (ordering these).
+Sara Happ lip scrub. A lovely little gift for a Santa Exchange or an add-on to a gift for a beauty lover. Or, heck, just a treat for yourself! I use this weekly in the winter.
Not my own writing today; just a clipping my dear friend sent me via email yesterday in response to my post about my Dad, wherein I list the five things I know for sure in this life, and one of them (the first, the primary, the principal) is that there is a God. She mentioned she was touched by that and appended the following blurb from The Times:
“I was 30 and knew I couldn’t have a baby. Accompanying my pregnant friend shopping one day, I pined over a striped onesie with a craw sewn on the backside. I told her if I ever had a son, I would want him to wear it. Eight days later, i went to church and saw an infant snuggled in his grandmother’s arms. He was wearing the same onesie. At the end of that day’s service, the reverend announced that the baby was in need of an immediate home. Two days later, he moved into mine. Now he’s five and my son.”
+These boots are super fly. I don’t use that expression lightly.
+In LOVE with these myrtle wreaths that spell JOY and especially their cheery red bows. I need them for our apartment!
+I’ve mentioned this before, but these little melamine dip plates are the PERFECT size for mini’s snacks/nibbles/fruit. I love them because they are chic enough to repurpose for my own needs (i.e., they don’t have childish animals all over them) and they are unbreakable.
+These oversized bow dresses from Roksanda are on sale! I’ve been eyeing one for awhile…ladylike but fashion-forward. My cup of tea.
+Have been eyeing these oversized initial pendants for awhile. Would be so stylish to layer a letter for myself and one for mini on the same chain…
I PREVIOUSLY DESCRIBED THIS SPAGHETTI-STRAPPED TARTAN DRESS AS KATE-MOSS-MEETS-CHARLOTTE-YORK AND I STAND BY THAT DESCRIPTION (I CONSIDER IT A COMPLIMENT)
P.S. Have been trying to convince Mr. Magpie to wear this for three years running.
P.P.S. I loved your reactions to this post; so many of you wrote to say: “We are twins!” I have also had a lot of readers emailing me to say how much this meant to them. Feeling fortunate to have a tribe of like-minded women going through the same evolutions and internal struggles as I am. Love to you all.
