You know that part in “Father of the Bride” where Steve Martin looks around his daughter’s wedding reception as Tony Bennett croons “Just the Way You Look Tonight” and sees his loved ones through rose-colored glasses? I hope that wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you enjoy yourself a “Father of the Bride” moment today, even if you have to forcibly make the space for it, which sometimes happens in the rush of holiday festivities. I, for one, am committed to finding myself an FOB moment. I plan to be sitting on the sofa in my parents’ well-appointed living room, preferably in the corner spot, preferably while eating these outrageous cookies we call “horns” that my Italian grandmother and great-grandmother made (basically a butter pastry filled with apricot jam and topped with chopped pecans), and preferably while Nat King Cole is playing, and taking in all of my loved ones.
+UM, I cannot believe the price on these Birman beauties. End of season sales KILL ME (ahem). I always end up buying the best statement shoes from them, but the deals arrive at the most inconvenient time (just after buying loads of holiday attire and Christmas gifts!)
+Not usually one for knock-offs but these RDR-wannabes are too good to pass up.
+Is this the key to my beauty regimen that’s been missing?! Apparently it’s far better at applying concealer/foundation than a brush/sponge. And we all know how crazy I went over my upgraded facial cotton…
+In love with this sweater. And also this one, when I’m feeling a little Wild West.
+This is one of the most-used books in our library: we use it to plan what to serve with whatever we’re cooking when we have guests over or are preparing something particularly involved or pricey (i.e., a really good ribeye from a really good butcher, or chicken mole that took two days to prepare). It’s also a great primer in learning what goes with what more generally — we’ve used it enough that we have a little more confidence when out to eat, i.e., “OK, we’re having pizza. Let’s see if they have a light nero d’avola to go with it.”
A soon-to-be first-time-mom recently reached out and asked: “I loved your baby registry. I wondered if there was anything on your list or not on your list that you that you would do drop or do differently if you could go back again?”
Really good question! I spent a ton of time researching everything on that list and, for the most part, have been very pleased with how everything has performed and held up. Of course, there’s always room for improvement. If I were to do it again, here are a couple of additional thoughts and refinements:
+I did not like either of the carriers we used for mini, both of which earned insane online reviews and came highly recommended from personal friends I trusted. Maybe I’m just not a carrier person? Maybe I’m the anomaly? Maybe you’ll have better luck? But I found the Lille Baby super cumbersome to get into and out of and difficult to adjust by myself. I’d need to put it on, adjust it, and then take it off and put it back on with baby unless Mr. Magpie was around — and we often traded off who wore it, so these adjustments were constant. I also felt like there were random straps and flaps that were in the way / would randomly appear in my diaper bag and I’d fish them out, wondering, “What the hell is this?” Finally, it took many YouTube viewings to figure out how to adjust the carrier from inward-facing to outward-facing; I remember Mr. Magpie and I grimacing with frustration. So, we were not fans. I also tried the Baby K’Tan and felt like mini was constantly about to fall out the bottom or top (?) In fact, she once almost did flop out and from that point forward, I’d only wear her when I could also clutch onto her, which kind of defeated the purpose of wearing a carrier to begin with. I want to chalk it up to user error, but the number of times I watched videos and solicited the input of friends — too high. If I were to do it again, I’d go into a physical store (Albee Baby here in NY, most likely) and check out all the offerings and try them on if possible. I’d be most keen on trying the Baby Bjorn Mini. Why? Because it’s specifically designed for itty bitty babies, which is the only time I truly used the carrier anyway — once mini hit around 10 months, she was too heavy for me to carry. (I’m 5’1 and 100 pounds dripping wet.) I like that this has a design where the front comes entirely off so you can easily transfer baby from the carrier to her crib without waking her — genius. I also like that it has a smaller footprint so the baby isn’t engulfed in thick, bulky material when she’s very little (and think it would generally work better for my petite frame). The reviews DO say that there is a learning curve in terms of getting into it (ugh, when will OXO start designing a carrier?! Their UX is usually top notch) but I think it’d be worth the investment of time in this case as everything else seems to check out.
+I think I’d have bought this portable changing station — I’ve written about this elsewhere but I found that I needed three separate changing stations in my house: one in my bedroom for nighttime changes, one in the nursery, and one on the main floor. We used Gathre mats in the bedroom and living areas because we could fold them up and hide them away but the reality is that we often left them out so we wouldn’t need to constantly lay them out and put them away. I’m intrigued by the Keekaroo, which gets good reviews and looks similarly easy-to-keep-clean but a bit sturdier. (Also, I’ll admit that there were some dicy moments with the floppy Gathre mats — it might be nice/safer to have a solid piece of plastic to work from if you get my drift. Less likelihood of…spillage.
+I loved this travel sleep sheep sound machine because it can velcro onto almost anything — a stroller, a carseat, a travel bassinet, etc. But for home use, my main gripe with it is that it turns off automatically after 30 minutes. Mini never needed a sound machine to help her sleep, and I prefer it that way — but I did find that the sleep machine was handy as a part of our nap and bedtime routine. It’s a signal that it’s time to start winding down. It also creates consistency around sleeping when we’re traveling. Anyway, looking back, I’d still buy the sleep sheep but would also probably invest in the Marpac Dohm sound machine, which people go nuts over, or the highly-rated Hatch baby night light/sound machine/OK-to-wake, to keep permanently in her nursery. I like the latter because it is so multi-functional and can be used for different reasons (i.e., “stay in your bed until we say you can get out!”) through toddlerhood.
+Truth be told, I didn’t need an umbrella stroller in Chicago. I drove everywhere and could easily put my full-size Bugaboo Cameleon in the stroller. The Bugaboo has adapters that made it work perfectly with our Nuna Pipa carseat. It was seamless and easy. Then we moved to New York, where subway travel is frequent — and next to impossible with a full-size Bugaboo. The Bugaboo Cameleon is 10 pounds lighter and has a much smaller footprint than the Uppababy Vista, but it’s still WAY too heavy and bulky to navigate the subway on your own when many subway stops do not have elevators (or lack working ones). It’s even a bit much when you’re with your spouse! So. We ended up buying the Babyzen Yoyo within a few months of moving here and it is one of the best decisions we ever made. To be clear: I don’t think it’s needed if you are only looking for an umbrella stroller for very occasional travel. But we use ours maybe once or twice a week (whenever subway is involved) and it’s the best lightweight stroller on the market. My only gripe with it is that the seat is always semi-reclined — so when mini is awake and alert, she’s always got a gangster lean going on that looks rather uncomfortable. Then again, it’s super nice that the stroller DOES recline when she falls asleep. BUT. If I had had mini in New York, I’d probably have registered for the Babyzen in addition to the Bugaboo. It comes with a newborn pack that permits you to use the stroller from the first day baby is born. And, get this: it now comes with adapters that enable you to pop your Nuna Pipa (still, I believe, the very best infant carseat out there — and either the lightest weight model on the market or one of them) right onto the frame. GENIUS. This would have made traveling with an infant SO EASY. The stroller folds up into nothing and can integrate with your infant carseat! Love.
+Of course, newbornhood isn’t ENTIRELY about the baby. It’s also about you as a new mom! One thing I wasn’t at all prepared for was nursing-friendly attire. I came to the hospital with one nursing bra and came home to a closet of non-nursing-friendly clothes. If I were to do it again, I’d buy two or three of these, which were my absolute favorite in those first few days — super soft and comfortable with no straps or clasps to fuss with (pull down style) — and for sleeping in thereafter. And then I’d buy two of these. They’re more expensive but they are definitely the best nursing bra on the market for daytime wear. I tried maybe three or four other brands but only wanted to wear this one. They are comfortable, well-padded (not in the sense that you need extra padding, AHEM — but they kept leaks to a minimum/were able to absorb well). They’re not the prettiest bra on the market, but they’re also not the ugliest. I’d stick with those two brands and then buy a ton of loose-fitting button-downs (like this, this, and this). I paired those with leggings almost every day for a few weeks after mini was born. Comfortable, vaguely stylish (esp when you throw a chunky cable knit or cashmere cardigan over top), and functional. OH! And if you’re having a c-section, do yourself a huge favor and order one or two of these nursing nightgowns, which I wore most nights during the first two weeks of recovery. They’re brilliant because they mean you have nothing pressing down close to the incision (i.e., no drawstrings/waistbands) and are so soft and comfortable. And also do not require you to wear a nursing bra in addition. (More tips on c-section recovery here.)
+I HATED every nursing cover. BLECH! I always felt like they were choking me and obstructing my view. I didn’t try Bebe Au Lait, which are completely hideous but get solid reviews. I like the fact that there seems to be a piece of wire in the front that enables you to peek down without suffocating yourself or your baby. I would have liked having this when I was traveling/nursing with friends at home. I dunno, though. The prints are BAD. Vanity…
+I would have bought way more soft cotton pajamas/onesie. I didn’t understand that for the first many months of the baby’s life, all you want to dress her in are soft cotton jammies. Starched poplin bubbles look like torture! I especially loved Kissy Kissy and 1212 (<<THE SOFTEST) for the early days. Once you try those brands, though, you’ll be like: “What is this Gerber onesie?! It feels like a brillo pad!”
P.P.P.S. Merry Christmas Eve! I’m currently wearing this and burgundy velvet heels from a few years ago (no longer available) that look somewhat similar to these, which I’m swooning over (on mega sale). Those shoes in turn remind me of this dress, which I still am trying to figure out how to legitimize. (When would I wear it?! Maybe I’ll buy it and stow it away for next year’s Christmas Eve?! I love it.)
I’m going a little extra with these, but — eh! You live once. I saw them on the fabulously chic FashionBugBlog and decided to take the plunge. And I’m not even typically super into logos. But I found this pair for $100, which is perplexing since most of their other styles are well north of $250. I’m excited to pair them with some of my more basic LBDs (how chic with something like this or this?) and my new favorite booties this winter (<<currently 40% off and even though these look very basic, they go with everything and create a really clean line — I actually had a woman stop me on the street asking where they were from! “You just can’t find a simple black boot like that anymore,” she said).
I’ve had so many friends and readers recommend former WSJ reporter Elizabeth Holmes’ Instagram account So Many Thoughts over the past few weeks. She uses the account to analyze the fashion decisions of the royal family, where she can be alternately politically astute, generous in the way only women can be to other women, snarky, and catty in the way only women can be to other women. I have, well, so many thoughts about this account. As a fangirl of all things royal, I enjoy the commentary and the imagery and appreciate the way her observational humor can bring to light political issues du jour that I should know more about anyway. And it’s fascinating, the way fashion can be used to tell a story and establish a brand. The royals are adept at these sartorial arts.
But I also bristle at the account. Is fashion a common lens through which I understand and size up other women? Yes. Is it the filter through which I’d like my best self to see other women? No. And yet let me be honest: I enjoy looking at and commenting on the style of celebrities and politicos. I sat at tea last Saturday at the Plaza talking about the unflattering dress one of the Bush daughters recently wore among friends. But there is something pointed about an account dedicated to its study, something despairingly public about it. When women in the public eye are solely or predominantly evaluated via their appearances, it makes me feel as though we are playing into a kind of antiquated gender politics that leaves me itchy.
I don’t know where this leaves me. If I were more virtuous, I would angle towards banning such denigrations in my private conversations, anchoring commentary elsewhere. But is that overly priggish and dramatic? Probably. After all, I have eyes and I enjoy fashion and how can I not comment on the latest looks, even if only among friends?
+I’m usually allergic to prints on plates, having donated at least three or four sets after growing tired of them, but THESE! For next year’s Thanksgiving! I MEAN.
2018 was an upswing for the Shoop Family — a year that answered. After a rocky couple of years that culminated in the dissolution of our business, a stressful and botched move to New York, and the drawn-out sale of our beloved home in Chicago, Mr. Magpie and I both suffered from situational depression. We were uncharacteristically pessimistic and — while we nurtured one another at home, in our cozy little pod — we found ourselves more “elbows out,” less kind, more impatient, than we had ever been in our entire lives. I’ll never forget the morning Mr. Magpie was attempting to get our car out of the garage from our temporary lodging at a hotel during our move to NYC (note that we were paying an exorbitant monthly fee — a second rent — for said garage spot) as he hurriedly prepared for work. It was his second day at a new job — tensions were already understandably high — but we had to orchestrate an early morning transfer of all of our bags, our traumatized airedale (she didn’t eat for four days in protest of the move), and mini to a new hotel because the hotel we’d been staying in suddenly had no more room at the inn and we were without lodging at the last minute. (Do you know how hard it is to find a hotel that permits 60 lb dogs and does not cost over $1,500 a night at the last minute? I think I called 14 hotels. And this one was way down in Soho, whereas we’d previously been up close to our soon-to-be apartment on the Upper West Side. But I digress.) He’d called several times to have the car brought up. No response. No response. No response. Finally he got someone on the line, and that someone gave him an earful about needing to call earlier if he’d wanted to get his car out by 7 a.m. I can’t be too sure, but I think Mr. Magpie physically transformed into The Hulk for a split-second. My patient, even-tempered husband snapped.
“No. No. No.” he said, a foreign-sounding rage seeping into his voice. “You’re going to get my car right now. I’ll see you in 15 minutes.”
(There may have been some colorful expletives thrown in.)
The car was ready when he arrived and mercifully (shockingly) scratch-free. But I’d never seen him with emotion bubbling so close to the surface. We were living on tenterhooks.
It took until June of this year — around the time of my birthday — for our rehabilitation to be complete. He took me to Prune for the occasion and — we are not normally so lavish, even on on birthdays — directed me to order a bar snack, an entree, a side, and a dessert, plus any wine or cocktail I wanted off the menu. I remember watching him from across the table, his face arranged into a loose smile, his shoulders relaxed against the chair, his eyes occasionally traveling to nearby neighbors’ plates to inspect their orders. He looked himself. He wore his signature air of healthy, happy-go-lucky satisfaction, that curious and occasionally devious glint in his eye twinkling every now and then as he’d lean in to tell me to check out the wildly dressed couple at the door, or the oversized tattoo on the waiter, or the oysters at table 10.
We sauntered down 1st street, and then Houston, full and happy. I thought of a line from Hemingway, at his best in A Moveable Feast:
“We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and loved each other.”
Only in New York, you never eat or drink well and cheaply, except for when you travel down to Super Taste in Chinatown on Saturday mornings for hand-pulled noodles and dumplings, as has become habit for us — but but but the sentiment stands. Life feels simpler when cocooned in love. We were warm and well and I thought to myself, as I have many times since: “This is enough. This is life at its peak, at its fullest. I am enough. We are enough.”
Mr. Magpie has a phrase for this feeling: “The Shoops are back.” When we sold the house despite a midnight hour leak in the master bathroom ceiling: “The Shoops are back.” When mini got into her pre-school of choice: “The Shoops are back.” When he crushed his first year at work, forging a new discipline, acquiring a new team, and earning the respect and love of his colleagues: “The Shoops are back.” When TheFashionMagpie really took off this year: “The Shoops are back.”
I cotton to his determination and his drive. I am drawn to the flint in his eye, the set of his jaw. I see in his resolve a straight and unbroken line to his roots: the son of an entrepreneur, from a webbed family of enterprising, hard-working Americans of German stock and more brave, conscientious members of the military than you can count.
And so when he says ‘The Shoops are back,” I find myself wrapping my arms around 2018, not quite ready to say goodbye to it. It’s been kind to me. It’s borne a kind of peace and well-being that in some ways I feel I do not deserve, but now is not the time for my Catholic guilt to get in the way of my enjoyment of a really really really really really good year.
I hope 2018 was as generous to you, but if it wasn’t: may 2019 be a year that answers for you.
And to Mr. Magpie: cheers to another year of eating and drinking and sleeping well and warm together.
Post-Scripts.
+Must order this Prune cookbook for Mr. Magpie. He already read — and loved — the chef’s memoir. (P.S. — More of our favorite cookbooks here.)
+What are the odds of finding this adorable calligraphed print of that Hemingway quote? I may buy it in the card format and frame it in one of these acrylic frames for Mr. Magpie’s bedside. (We use these frames for meaningful cards — including a sweet bedtime prayer my mother-in-law scrawled on a card to mini on her Baptism that we now say nightly.)
+Now is the time to stock up on ornaments for your collection. I’ve mentioned this in the past, but my top strategy for building a “grown up” holiday decor reserve is by buying a handful of festive pieces each season — preferably when they go on sale around now. I love these candy ornaments, these clip-on candle ornaments, these birds (I have quite a collection of bird ornaments by now — I just love them perched on the branches!), these skis, and this cloisonne leopard. Also: this for mini, who just wrapped up a semester of pre-ballet. Now is also a good time to buy boring but necessary things like wreath hangers — love this one!
+After yesterday’s hair-centric post, a friend texted to let me know how much she loves and lives by Ouai’s dry oil for static hair issues in the winter!
+Legit dying over these Prada mules. The perfect Christmas shoe. I have this black watch tartan Ralph Lauren dress I bought at the age of 19 that I still wear nearly every holiday season. These heels would be the perfect accoutrement.
+A fun hair embellishment for under $15. I like the polish it lends to your everyday ponytail. Appropriate for work or evening cocktails. Love.
+I own this one-piece style in a different colorway and it is SO flattering. Might need it in the neon pink too.
By: Jen Shoop
It’s getting to that time of season where Net-A-Porter’s sale section is yielding some insane finds — the items have been discounted, and then discounted again. Below, a round-up of the most amazing sale scores at or under $100:
+Ganni wrap dress. This is such a hot label and how can you say no to such a versatile piece?! (Seen above.) I recently wore their leopard dress and fetched a lot of compliments from strangers and friends alike!
+I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: J. Brand’s Photoready Denim is the best thing since sliced bread. It holds you in but never without cutting off circulation and creates a MEAN, LEAN silhouette. Currently 50% off!
+Sam Edelman lace-up flats. I own these in black and still wear them — they are SO chic and — at $36 — hard to pass up. Love them with a midi dress.
+These Vejas are so chic and a great option if you’re into the Golden Goose sneaker look but no so into the price tag.
+I still swear by Nike Flyknits for running, but I love these APLs for every other kind of exercise. The BEST colors.
+If you’re vacation-bound in the new year or just better than I am about buying for seasons ahead: consider this bucket bag, this chic sunhat, or these darling slides. And, if you’re expecting and going on a babymoon: THIS.
+These pretty camis would look fetching under a blazer or on-trend tucked into mom jeans.
P.S. Not from N-A-P, but Loeffler is running its own epic sale and I just ordered these winter-ready mules. I have a problem with velvet.
P.P.S. What’s your song? And, in case you are new here, this collection of posts remains my most popular — all about how I met and fell in love with the absolute love of my life.
By: Jen Shoop
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow and am torn between doing a true bob (a few inches above the shoulder) or a long bob. I like how styled I feel with a true bob — I feel pulled-together, like I have a point-of-view — but have been enjoying the wavy look lately, which is easier to achieve with longer hair and is also a lot more forgiving in terms of maintenance. With longer hair, I can air-dry and curl it the next morning (my preferred mode — aka, lazy), or just throw it up in a ponytail or bun, kinks be-damned. I have to rave briefly about a few of my favorite products for long bob territory:
+Ouai Texturing Hair Spray. This stuff is INCREDIBLE. It adds texture and volume to hair while keeping it in place but never looks crispy or stiff. It also smells insane. I love the scent so much I bought some of the line’s other products just for it! (See below.) I spray this into air-dried hair and let sit for a minute before curling.
+Hot Tools 1/2 Inch Curling Iron. I use this to get the beachy/brushed-out wave look I’ve been rocking a lot lately. These are the absolute best curling irons: they heat quickly and evenly (and to a high temperature) and I find them easy to use. Make sure you get the Hot Tools with the gold barrel — the ceramic ones aren’t as good. At any rate, I section off hair and curl from the top down (i.e., get the barrel as close to the root as possible and then twist away from the face). I leave the ends uncurled. One trick my favorite hairstylist in Chicago taught me (her name is Abby and she works magic at Trianon Salon in Lincoln Park) is NOT TO TOUCH YOUR HAIR ONCE YOU’VE CURLED IT. Let it completely cool without touching. You’ll feel like a weird cowardly lion with your hair in little ringlets for a few minutes, but if you let it cool naturally and then run your fingers through it, you achieve the best outcome. Anyway, I use this iron, let my hair cool, and then spritz the Ouai spray again on top and comb my fingers through it. Voila.
+Ouai Leave-In Conditioner. I spritz this and DryBar’s Prep Rally onto my hair just out of the shower. I like Drybar’s stuff because it really detangles and protects hair from heat. Meanwhile, Ouai’s conditioner leaves my hair soft and pliable for days and days. I also find there’s some kind of magical synergy between these two products that means my hair is a lot less kinky/wavy when I let it airdry, so long as I brush intermittently as it does so. I find that it dries straighter and more evenly.
+Mason Pearson Brush. A few years ago, I invested in a Mason Pearson brush. I had long cringed at the price tag but was in a treat-yo-self mode. I absolutely love this brush. It never breaks/snags hair (it’s so gentle!) but it really gets through your hair. I brush from the tips to the roots when wet and then a couple of times as it air dries. I personally like this pocket-sized version of the classic because I have small hands — ha! — and find it easier to wield.
+Drybar Hair Clips. I love these things. I feel like they are bizarrely indestructible. I used to use standard claw clips to pull back my hair when washing my face / sectioning my hair, but I found they held a short shelf-life and I was constantly re-ordering. I’ve had the same set of four Drybar clips for about a decade now and I use them every morning and night and any time I style my hair. I find they hold and section hair well, whether you’re pinning back a big chunk or just a little strand or two.
+Invisibobble Hair Ties. I love these things. They never stretch out (a constant issue with my standard Goody/Scunci brown elastics) and they truly keep hair in place. They also never get stuck/snagged in hair.
+I have been very into headbands lately, if you can’t tell. The more dramatic the better. My favorite picks: this velvet knot style, this Sincerely Jules, and my pearl-encrusted Lele Sadoughi (only available for pre-order now, unless you want black, which is still purchasable now!). This is also a solid alternative to the look I’m after. (If you’re wondering what to wear a statement headband with: I love it with a white silk blouse and skinnies; let it do all the talking! Alternately, make it the finishing touch on an over-the-top feminine look by pairing with an uber-pretty, uber-detailed blouse like this, this, or this.
And I’m also debating whether bangs should weigh into the equation. I think I’ll take in the above picture of Rose Byrne, whose hair (and face and everything actually) I LOVE, and just see what happens. If I do end up with bangs, I’ll be getting some extra mileage out of my favorite round brush — I find that the only way to get that chic, bouncy side-swept bang is by blow-drying them in the opposite direction I want them to fall with a huge round brush. And speaking of round brushes, I’ll probably be using a lot of the products in this round-up if I go for the bangs/longer bob look and want to blow my hair straight with volume.
Finally, I am trying to return to a darker hair color. I’ve been highlighting my hair blonde for the past many years, and while I find it fun and flattering, especially in summer months, I have grown wistful looking at myself as a young brunette bride and am curious to know what I’d look like now with more dark in my hair. I also wouldn’t mind a lower maintenance hair routine…coloring your hair is a serious commitment of capital and time! In the meantime, I still use Oribe’s Bright Blond Shampoo every other washing. I feel like it keeps my hair color bright and non-brassy. At other washings, I use Bumble&Bumble’s Thickening Shampoo, which is a great product for those of us with fine, flat hair.
What are your secrets to great hair?! And what should I do with MY HAIR? Am I changing too much, going darker, adding bangs, and potentially changing the length all at once? Probably not. You know the old saying (attributed to Coco Chanel, among other luminaries): “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” In light of this week’s epiphanies, I’d say a dramatic hair change is due.
The other afternoon, my face brushed up against the edge of our sofa and I cringed at the tenderness in my still-healing forehead. I had forgotten about my new scar for the better part of the day, but — ouch. I permitted myself a minute to mope. My plastic surgeon’s comment that “in six months, strangers won’t notice the scar” tumbled through my mind. She had delivered the news as though it were a solace, a faint and encouraging nod behind it, and yet all I heard was “six months” and “strangers,” my mind immediately traveling to the glass-half-empty side of the equation: so what you’re saying is that my loved ones and I will still notice the scar. Forever, probably. Then I thought of something my mother had told me while I had cried to her about the incident: after a long “buck-up, camper” back-and-forth in which she played the part of the pragmatist and I played the part of the drama queen, she paused and said: “Vanity, thy name is woman.” I had thought the comment appropriately, artfully callous at the time. I deserved the mild admonishment.
And so I sat on the sofa holding both comments in my hands, feeling alternately sorry for myself and vexed with myself for tumbling into this self-indulgent maelstrom two weeks after the occasion, even after I have given more than sufficient thought to why it happened and what I might learn from it and even after I have written about it extensively and even after so many of you have sent me kind and encouraging messages. Even now, as I write this, I roll my eyes at my self-absorption in returning to this topic.
But I have a point.
I walked over to the mirror in our living room, ran my fingers up the wound. I tilted my face to the left and the right. I sulked. And then: Vanity, thy name is woman. I heaved a sigh and abandoned my visage, attending to mini instead.
Later that night, I tossed and turned. I wasn’t solely agonizing over the scar, but it was flitting in and out of my thoughts, along with anguish over a floundering friendship, logistical anxieties surrounding our upcoming trip to D.C., and the usual surge of inane but urgent details surrounding motherhood and its tackle: signing up for a make-up class at mini’s ballet school before the semester ends, reminding her nanny about a schedule change, ordering more diapers. I turned first to my phone to distract myself. I putzed around Instagram. I tottered into the account of Amanda Auer, and my heart stopped.
Amanda is mother to a toddler who has just undergone multiple heart surgeries and their complications. Heart throbbing, I read through her posts, so full of hope and faith and yet the razor-sharp agony of seeing her daughter succumb to illness and travel through the necessary though horrifying machinery of medicine. I found myself weeping. I wept with empathy, horror, and sorrow for this mother. I wept with tenderness for this little girl in the clutches of such a terrifying series of procedures. The pictures rift my heart: the smallness, the sweetness, the brightness of her little girl against the dispassionate metallic bulk of the hospital apparatus around her. I couldn’t help myself from imagining mini in the same situation, and so I wept with gratitude for mini’s good health.
And then, most bitterly, I wept with guilt over my petty narcissism.
I woke to a brand new frame of mind, overdue and welcome. I have been carrying Amanda and her daughter in my heart, weaving them into my nightly prayers, stumbling upon them in my waking thoughts. Their struggles are enormous and heart-wrenching but not mine and I so hesitate to maneuver myself and my modest heartaches into their orbit, but they have become the unwitting fulcrums to a much-needed change in my own attitude, the antidotes to my conceit. They are the silhouette of Christmas I needed to remember: the cameo of the mother and her child sheltered from the brutish forces of nature, radiating hope.
+I have long held a special devotion to Saint Mary. I find her saliently present in the turning points of my ongoing edification — when one of my best friends passed away, when Mr. Magpie was looking for a job, and now here, too. About a decade ago, I found a small ceramic plaque of Mary on Etsy somewhat similar to this (though mine is all white) that I have hanging at my bedside. It may be one of the most meaningful things I own.
+OK. That was some heavy lifting for a Tuesday morning before Christmas. Phew. We’ll conclude on a happier note: this velvet dress, which looks strikingly similar to a Saloni (even the same goldenrod hue!) I’ve been swooning over.
+Wishing I’d gotten my act together and ordered some of this wrapping paper to coordinate with our Christmas cards. Thinking of ordering now so I’ll have some for next year. Also love this. But I will say I have loved my secret hack of buying a huge (inexpensive!) roll of kraft paper (there’s still time to order some before Christmas). Does anyone else feel a twinge of guilt wrapping a big box in expensive wrapping paper?!?! I like this kraft stuff for that reason. I tie everything up with super-wide grosgrain ribbon in green or black and white stripe.
+I have long coveted one (or better yet TWO) of these leather footstools from longtime New York institution Scully & Scully. They have the coolest accent pieces for home — a bizarre mix of traditional and whimsical. Also adore these sheep.
+Guess WHAT! If you liked the pearl embellished headband I bought last week but couldn’t quite legitimize the price tag, you’ll be ecstatic to discover this $10 headband. No pearls, but very much in the same vein. I ordered it STAT. And, some good news: Target is currently offering free two-day shipping, so this could still come in time for Christmas in case you, like me, are planning on a pastel/pink/frou-frou holiday look. (I’m wearing this exact dress on Christmas eve.)
+ICYMI: This $100 jacket is getting insane reviews. I love the edgy styling with the oversized pocket and in fact saw it on a chic little lady the other day at 70th and Amsterdam. She wore it with fur-trim booties and looked amazing.
+So sad mini is too big for this. I LOVE this dress.
By: Jen Shoop
I’ve had a number of friends, loved ones, and readers reach out over the last few days in a panic — “Help! I procrastinated and now I REALLY need a gift for ______.” I got ya covered. Below, a couple of items I’ve recommended (and purchased myself over the last week, truth be told) that will show up by Christmas if ordered ASAP:
+My family always has a puzzle out around the holidays, and we have found that Pomegranate Puzzles are the absolute best — great designs and high-quality pieces. Mr. Magpie actually bought me this one when I was pregnant and I worked on it to distract myself. A great option for a parent, parent-in-law, or any sort of “family gift” on your list. If your family is a game-loving one: Codenames gets rave reviews and What Do You Meme is usually a crowd-pleaser.
+Bamboo memory foam pillow. This might sound off-the-wall, but I recently invested in a set of these for Mr. Magpie and I and we are in love. Do note that you can adjust the “fill level” to your comfort — which I did. I find that these pillows don’t get “hot” on one side very easily somehow, and they keep your head in place without leaving a crick in your neck. I am sleeping so soundly these days! This would be a great gift for a sibling, a soon-to-be parent, or any loved one who prizes his/her sleep.
+Marpac Dohm sleep machine. Speaking of good sleep — I bought this for our best friends (a married couple) last year as they mentioned that they will occasionally leave the AC unit running well into winter just for the white noise effect. This seemed like a more cost-effective (and portable!) solution. They now never sleep without it! Read the reviews! For new parents, people go nuts over this Hatch sound machine/OK-to-wake timer. It works well from infancy through toddlerhood.
+Acupressure mat. I’ve written about this way too many times — and have also gifted it to at least five people I love. This is such a great de-stressing tool, especially for a new dad (they tend to lug a lot of gear around) or any of the athletic folk in your life. It’s used daily in our home.
+This body wash in Heavenly Gingerlily (have written about this so many times) is the absolute best. It’s a gender-neutral scent (despite the floral-sounding name!) and it will leave you sniffing your wrist all day long. I’ve given this away as a gift more times than I count, including — most recently — to my mother-in-law!
+For the fashionista in your life: this oversized Goyard clutch/computer case. The largest size was too small for my laptop so I just use mine as a pouch instead. Super chic.
+Queenie Ka jacket — just like Lululemon (read reviews!) but half the price. A solid gift for your yoga-obsessed sister-in-law or your athleisure-loving neice. I like it in the bubblegum pink, heathered gray, or spiderweb black.
+For your expecting best friend: Clarins Body Tonic. I swear this is the only reason why I have no stretch marks.
+A foldable Scout utility bag. I love the name of this tote — “4 Boys.” Designed for a mom on the go, this is the perfect all-purpose catch-all for, well, everything. I can imagine stowing it in the trunk of my car to transport sports gear, groceries, bulky coats, etc.
+One of these adorable wine totes (a little nicer than your run-of-the-mill paper variety) and a bottle of nice champagne — try Pol Roger, which is maybe a little less cliche than Veuve but, in my completely biased opinion, twice as delicious. It was Winston Churchill’s favorite. I believe bottles start around $50.
+If you know a mother or sister is receiving a high-end tote — a Goyard, a Neverfull — for the holidays, this would be such a thoughtful supplement.
+A few stocking stuffers — basically, items $10 and under that I absolutely love: these wooden tongs (the perfect length — and I eat toast most mornings so trust me on the superior design on this set), our favorite peelers (inexpensive but SO sharp and easy to maneuver — we use these over our much more expensive OXO and Rosle implements!), an eyelash comb (I freaking love my lashes — these are good at getting clumps out and achieving a more fanned look), fancy pants toothpaste, my beloved iPhone stand (one reason I love this so much — I can glance at it and it will unlock, so I can scan my messages without having to move #lazy #musthave), and our favorite toothbrushes. My dentist urged me to only use soft-bristle brushes; she insists medium and beyond just scratch the enamel of your teeth. I found these, which get strong reviews because they have like 10x the number of bristles found on a normal toothbrush and are therefore better at truly cleaning your teeth, and they also have a really smart hexagonal wand which makes angling easier. I could go on but — just trust me. These are good.
P.S. More gift ideas here and here (you might still be able to get them on time if you expedite shipping!)
P.P.S. I ordered these as a fun way to reimagine/liven up my LBD collection.
After a reader wrote in to assuage my concerns about the online retailer Monsoon (had never ordered from them before; she informed me that the style was similar to Zara), I went ahead and ordered this Jackie O.-esque boucle coat. How precious?!
Any criers out there? I sure am. And while I’m all for freedom of expression in any form — feel what you feel! let it out! — sometimes tears, just like ill-timed laughter, so often thinly masking discomfort, can be embarrassing. Last week, a day or two after my facial injury, one of the doormen saw me rushing out the building and said, in a concerned, tender voice: “Oh Mrs. Shoop — what happened?” I was so moved by his consternation that I felt a bubble rising in my throat and knew that tears weren’t far off. And then, a few weeks before that, I mentioned off-handedly to a friend (I can’t quite recall how this came up) that the nuns at my high school, Georgetown Visitation, told us on our first day that they had been praying for us since the day we were born and found myself choking back tears, much to my surprise and embarrassment.
I am never quick-witted enough to distract myself from tears by thinking about something funny. Instead, I call to mind advice from a college girlfriend of mine, who — seeing tears over a silly situation were not far off — told me: “Look at the light.” I did, staring straight at the fixture in the ceiling of her college apartment, and was surprised that I kept myself from losing it. I’ve trotted this advice out a handful of times to other girlfriends struggling to keep it together and looking to me for distraction, and it tends to do the trick — at least until whisked away to a safe space to let it all out.
Any other tricks?
#Shopaholic: Last Minute Gift for Kiddos.
+This piano pad for kiddos is on sale right now (25% off) — a great last minute gift for a lucky nephew or niece. (More ideas here.)
+Intrigued by this affordable haircare line — check out those reviews versus the prices! A lot of the products look very similar to Oribe’s.
+I stopped into Kate Spade the other day and they have some seriously adorable pieces right now. I love this coat, this midi dress, and these trousers (I really need to branch out from denim these days…) Finally, this heart belt is TO DIE. I want to layer it over every single dress I own!
+Dying over this dress. A good last minute option if you’re still on the hunt for a perfect holiday/NYE dress and nothing here or here fit the bill. (Shopbop’s shipping is super fast!)
+I’m into pearl everything these days (ahem), so naturally this cashmere sweater caught my eye, as did these (finally on sale!) and these. And these are so delightfully Chanel-esque for any vacation-bound babes!
+I’ve been rewatching “Gossip Girl” when I can’t sleep, and this saucy jumpsuit has Blake Lively written all over it. So chic.
By: Jen Shoop
I came across the photo above of Kate on her wedding day and it brought me right back to my wedding day, to a moment upstairs in my bedroom at my parents’ home. I was touching up my makeup in the hazy midday August light filtering through the blinds. I remember looking at myself in the mirror for a few seconds longer than necessary, sitting with myself, taking in the moment all alone. It was a reprieve from an otherwise emotionally frenetic day punctuated by butterflies in my stomach, occasional tears, and a lot of laughter. I squared off my shoulders. I took a deep breath. It felt cool, thirst-quenching to stand there in solitude.
These days, privacy is in short order. I can scarcely squeeze in a bathroom break without a little hand pounding on the door: “Maaamaaaaa!” When I sit on the couch, I find my one square foot of personal space inevitably crowded by another little body leaning into me, burrowing her head into my arm or chest or back, jabbing her little fingers into my mouth or ears or nose: “mouf,” “eeeyahs,” “nooooose.” When I skitter into the kitchen to stir a boiling pot, I often step back onto an unsuspecting toddler foot, or feel an arm wrap itself around my leg.
I love her proximity to me, her little body in some ways more an extension of mine than it was when she was in utero. Her facial expressions: my own. Her mannerisms, her turns of phrase: mine and mine. “Oh man!” she recently cried when she spilled a little dish of barrettes. And “Wow!” she’ll squeal when she sees what’s been left in her Advent calendar each morning, whether it’s a parcel of crayons or a new doll. Her body is never far from mine. This morning, when she woke me at 4:54 a.m., I wanted so badly — so desperately — to turn off the monitor and tune her out for just, say, 20, or 30, minutes longer. But the cry — “Ma-ma! Ma-ma!” — interrupted by hiccup-y tears, even now, even nearly two years into early mornings and middle-of-the-night wake-up calls, feels like a tugging of the heartstrings, as if I have accidentally left my heart outside my body in the other room. And so I went to her.
“Nose,” she informed me, pointing to her congested nose and gesturing towards a tissue which she peremptorily refused to use: “No.” A quick turn of the head. Then: “Beh-ket,” as she gathered her blanket in her arms and stood to be lifted from her crib. I brought her into the cool of our bedroom, her voice jarring its midnight hush. I laid her next to me and told her it was time to go back to sleep. I put my head on the pillow next to hers, closing my eyes in exaggerated pantomime of sleep. She jabbed my eyes and whispered: “Shhh.” And then she curled into me, her forehead against my own, her knees tucked into my chest, her hand on my arm. A shadow of my own body, pressed up against me. My mirror and my miniature. Mine and not mine, and the lines so blurrily drawn.
She fell into easy sleep.
I did not. Who can sleep with a toddler’s breath on her face, with the keen awareness of every micro-shift of the hand resulting in the potential rousing of the beast beside? With a tenderness — tempered by exhaustion — swelling and fading into the familiar shapes of this bedroom of ours in New York City?
And so I laid there, sitting with myself. I was alone with my thoughts in a way I rarely am. Unharried, gathering myself, with no agenda. This must be why people meditate, I thought, mindful in a way I haven’t been in a long while, noticing the ebb and flow of thoughts and concerns cycling through my consciousness.
But I was also not alone. I was brightly conscious of the little form nestled in my arms, aware though not entirely acquiescent of the fact that at any moment she might wake for good for the day, and my morning would take shape around hers. Mr. Magpie said it well: with children, your time is no longer your own.
Do all parents feel this way as their babies grow? This toggling between togetherness and separation? The merging and submerging of the self? I will occasionally see in her the expression of her nanny, or the learnings from a class. “Elmo,” she insists when she sees the bright red cartoon character on a juice box or advertisement, though I have never shown her Elmo. Where did she learn that? And I cock my head and think, “My little shadow has ventured away from me and learned something new.”
Settling into parenthood, I think, is a gradual drawing and redrawing of the lines around the self. This is me, this is not me. You are an extension of me, you are your own self. I carry you in my heart, you are my heart outside my body. But come to think of it — settling into any new role, adapting to any big change, involves such recalculations of the Freudian ego. I think back on that moment of sitting with myself in the wallpapered bathroom of my parents’ home, about to leave for Blessed Sacrament Church to emerge as a wife just an hour later, and I realize I was submitting to similar forces of self-formation: This is me, this is not me. And I’m glad I have happened upon these little pockets of time for quiet self-awareness where I have made the space to sit with myself and muse over those delineations. This is me, this is not me.
+Absolutely brilliant: travel blackout shades. Have I already told you 3498 times that mini was waking — consistently — at 5:30 or 6 every single day of the summer until I installed blackout shades in her room? I am so behind the times on this — I’m sure every other mom knows about them. But they were a gamechanger. Thinking about ordering this for upcoming travel.
+These waffle-knit jammies in the sloth print are adorable. Gap and Old Navy are currently offering free expedited shipping if you order by 12/18 for delivery by Christmas…contemplating ordering a pair of these for each of my sisters for late-night shenanigans.
1 // Lele Sadoughi Pearl Headband. I mentioned this earlier this week, but it’s typical of me to stumble upon something and then cleave to it with a ferocity I didn’t know I had in me — but I had to have this pearl-embellished Lele Sadoughi headband (seen here on the darling Rocky Barnes). Apparently they have sold out multiple times since release and I don’t want to miss the boat. At first glance, it feels outrageously priced for a headband. But then — it’s the type of piece that can transform your entire look. Just pull out an ivory sweater and some white skinnies and BAM. You’ve got a whole new aesthetic happening. (This is the kind of dubious logic I use to talk myself into buying statement shoes every few months.) FYI: you can get the look for less with this Etsy find.
2 // Winter Whites Done Right. I have been swooning over this look on the stunning Caroline Issa since I first laid eyes on it about a week ago. I immediately recreated the look myself, reaching for my cashmere mockneck (this look would also look amazing with a tissue turtleneck), my go-to white jeans, my Loeffler Randall Matildes (why did they stop making this perfect boot?! You can still score in select sizes on Amazon — if not in your size, these by Vince, these from FP, or these from Steven (on super sale) would nail the look), and my Harvey Faircloth fur-trim army green topper (mine is last season, but I love this style). Call me a copycat, but…I felt perfect in it. A couple of other army green hued toppers that are a little closer to Issa’s mark: this insane Jacquemus (a label that is v. hot right now), this discounted Vince, this J. Crew “cocoon” coat, and this sporty Mackage, which I just counseled one of my good friends into buying. She was looking for an alternative to the Canada Goose so omnipresent in NYC, but wanted to avoid black. This Mackage is perfect.
3 // Simonetta Ravizza Furrissima Mink Fur Shopper Tote Bag. I featured this bag earlier this season, but I swooned when I saw the snap below. I had actually purchased this lookalike bag from Gap earlier this season but was frustrated when it arrived as the arm holes were barely big enough to squeeze my wrist through — and I have tiny hands and wrists! I knew immediately it would be too annoying to carry, even on evenings out. Oh how I’d love the Ravizza original, but curious about this lesser priced Kara option or this ultra-affordable French Connection.
4 // Markarian Dresses. My jaw dropped when I saw this gorgeous bride in a Markarian dress. I wasn’t terribly familiar with the label and spent quite a long time ogling over her feminine dresses. I would absolutely love to claim this scallop-necked dress as my own, and this lavender lovely is at once gamine and ladylike in all the right ways. And this! In the gingham! With those sleeves! All of these dresses are dreamy. My new LoveShackFancy number scratches a similar itch (and I found a floral Angie dress on sale!), but you can also get a similar look for less with this for Love & Lemons dress (on sale for $108! — more sizes here) or this Alice McCall.
5 // Euro Shams.Our new bedding from HillHouseHome arrived and I am in love. I have to say I was a bit underwhelmed by the customer service — and buyers should know that it takes well over a month to receive monogrammed bedding! — but am still enthusiastic about the quality and the styling. The sheets are crisp, cool, and satin-y smooth, and the monogramming is ultra-elegant. (The monogramming options tipped me in their favor!) I am most excited about the enormous euro shams, though — see below for a well-styled Matouk bed (the snap below showcases their Mirasol style). As shown below, I tucked ours up against our upholstered headboard, behind the sleeping (i.e., standard-sized) pillows. I had our euro shams monogrammed in block lettering with our initials and then had our two sets of sleeping pillows monogrammed with our names in lower case cursive. It looks so chic! A few random tips: the standard size for euro shams is 26×26, but make sure you order 28×28 inserts! It gives that full, well-styled look you’re going for and ensures there’s no floppy fabric. I ordered these affordable ones. They were well-reviewed for the price and I knew we wouldn’t be sleeping on them so was principally interested in them as an aesthetic prop. However, for our sleeping pillows, I bought these (SweetHome’s top recommendation for the best sleeping pillow). You can adjust the “fullness” by removing filler, which I did — it was too firm/stuffed at first. But now I am SMITTEN. The final touches on the bed? A St. Frank throw and this bolster pillow. But mainly — those Euro shams! They’ve completely changed the look and feel of our bedroom and make me feel like I’m sleeping in a hotel. (And P.S. — my secret to a crisp bed? Spritzing this on rumpled pillows between ironings. Smells like heaven, too!)
6 // Pearl Clutch. Of course my eye wandered when I started hunting down Lele Sadoughi’s headband — right over to their pearl clutch (shown below). Fortunately, I found this darling style at a third of the price! Such a darling accessory for a bride.
8 // Olaplex Hair Treatment. My hair has never looked as healthy and glossy as the chic pea’s below, but a gal can dream and just READ THE REVIEWS on this stuff, which promises to “strengthens the hair from within, reducing breakage and improving its look and feel.” P.S. More of my favorite hair products, including the round brush Gisele’s stylist uses on her famous bouncy tresses.
+Intrigued by this touch screen cleaner. A great stocking stuffer for a tech-loving husband. (If you’re still stuck on what to get your man, don’t panic! Check out my recs here.)
I wish I could say that Mr. Magpie and I plan to be dashing down the steps of the NYPL into a romantic plume of snow, decked out in our black tie finest like the gorgeous couple above — but we are decidedly and comfortably lame about New Year’s Eve, and have been for some time. We prefer to stay in, eat lobster, drink champagne, and enjoy the festivities from the comfort of our own couch. We do, however, get dressed up for the occasion because — why not?
Hoping some of you have more festive plans in mind — or maybe not. Below, my favorite fashion finds for a twinkling new year.
+Nars eyeshadow. I’m fairly ascetic about glitter in my eyeshadow, but New Year’s Eve mandates a temporary revision in philosophy.
+Tory Burch booties. There is a lot to love about these tootsies: a blessedly low heel, a festive embellishment, and oh — the fact that they are BOOTS and will actually keep your tootsies warm should you brave the elements.
+French Connection fringe jumpsuit. Just perfect. I feel you could wear hair loose and beachy for a boho moment or slick it back into a chic chignon and pair with pointed toe pumps for a more refined look.
+Jennifer Behr bow earrings. They’re nothing short of perfect. Also an incredible pair for a bride — maybe if you’re changing into something else at your reception?
+Helmut Lang vest. I can’t get over this style. It looks so outlandishly lavish — like something a 1920s railroad heiress might wear.
+Sequined headband. A noncommittal way to elevate basic black jeans and a black sweater to festive territory — or to upgrade a basic black dress for an evening.
+Rejina Pyo satin bag. Absolutely darling. Black is practical and NYE-appropriate but how about those pastel hues?!
+This sequined wrap skirt. Love the grosgrain ribbon tie! I’d wear with a white silk blouse. Get the look for less with this, which I envision wearing with a silk cami.
