Hurry! Beaufort Bonnet Company is running one of its incredible “pink sale” parties, where everything in their sale section is an additional 50% off — and on offer with free shipping! Just use code PINKPRICEPARTY. I snagged a bunch of goodies this morning. My favorites:
Every few months, I come back to home decor inspiration in wicker, rattan, raffia, and other natural materials. I love the island vibe, the suggestion of vacation–especially when paired with fairly refined prints and shapes elsewhere in the space.
I’ve fielded the question of how to look stylish while nursing countless times over the past few weeks, and I’m so glad — it gave me the occasion to get my own ducks in a row on this topic.
The first thing I’ll say is that I underestimated what I would need the first go around. It somehow did not compute that I’d need breastfeeding gear and nursing-friendly clothing for, like, a year (duh), and so I bought the minimum (slash ignored nursing-friendliness) and was frustrated by the fact that I could wear approximately 1/50th of my planned wardrobe.
At any rate: my first recommendation is to invest in some good nursing bras that fit well and hold up in the wash — and to buy in multiples. During the first few weeks, I really liked this pull-down style from Majamas — so comfortable and unfussy. This time around, I also added some Coobies to my lingerie drawer (similar to Majamas, though a different, more sports-bra-like fabric) after multiple Magpies recommended this label. During those first few bleary days/weeks, I was barely making it out of loungewear — let alone into public — and these felt easy and comfortable. Once I got my feet under me, I tried a bunch of different brands and ended up loving the Bravado Seamless Nursing bra. Read the reviews: people are obsessed with this bra, and for good reason. It is super comfortable and made of a material that creates a nice silhouette while also…absorbing messes. (Even with nursing pads, things happen.) At night, I liked a bunch of soft cotton styles I found from Belabumbum, including this one.
So, that’s my number one tip: buy a couple different brands and styles of nursing bras and really figure out what you like, and then double down on that style. I’d strongly recommend trying at least one pull-down style in the early weeks and testing the Bravado, which, in my opinion, is the best on the market. (Because otherwise you end up doing a TON of laundry. Not that you aren’t already, but — ya know. One less thing to keep track of.)
Also, stock up on nursing pads. I’m intrigued by these reusable ones — I’d forgotten that they existed until after I ordered the Lansinohs (which are, in my opinion, the softest disposable ones out there), and think I might try these after I get through my first box. I’m curious whether they are as absorbent as the disposable ones…
I also picked up this Haakaa manual breast pump because I found that I was “wasting” a lot of precious milk while mini would start nursing on one side. This was not only frustrating because I had an undersupply and wanted to save every last drop — but because I often soaked through my nursing bra/pad/etc. I’m curious to see how this works. My sister said it was annoying to have to get one into place at every feed (she was using a different brand — I have higher hopes for the Haakaa) and she eventually gave up on it, but we shall see. WTTW: I’ve heard you need to buy a stopper to go with this because the Haakaa tips over easily. I ordered this one even though it’s a different brand — the reviewers say it works with the Haakaa — because it was less expensive and less visually offensive than the Haakaa brand one (what is with that cheesy flower?). OK, enough on that topic.
OK, nursing bra: done. Next: buy a nursing cover. I was pretty uncomfortable about breastfeeding in front of anyone outside of the immediate family, and using a swaddle or burp cloth just didn’t cut it. I hated wearing a nursing cover so much — it feels suffocating and uncomfortable — that I apparently threw away the one I used with mini, because it’s nowhere to be found in our apartment. But it’s a necessary evil. This go around, I bought this Bebe Au Lait cover in blue gingham because it’s cute. I’m also contemplating one of these styles for when I’m at home with guests over because — even though it offers less coverage all the way around — it looks like it will make me feel less suffocated. (But — the prints are all hideous. Yuck.) My message here is that I was somewhat spartan with myself the first go around — “I’ll just buy two nursing bras” and “I’ll just use a blanket to shield myself,” I told myself. But nursing is something you do SO FREQUENTLY and for SO MANY MONTHS (if it’s in your plan, of course): why wouldn’t you take the time to figure out what will make you the most comfortable and effective at this daily activity?
So, two nursing cover styles it is for this mama. Just convinced myself.
OK, next up. What to actually wear. I really hate most designated “nursing” styles. There are so many frumpy cotton pieces in ugly colors with obviously-placed layers that scream: “I’M A MILKMAID! EASY ACCESS HERE!” Not for me.
In the very early days, my favorite thing was to wear a comfortable cotton nursing tank with a cardigan and leggings. I’d make myself feel more put-together by adding big earrings, statement shoes, or — this go around — a fantastic headband. I really loved this Gap sleep cami, which I’d wear sans bra and just put nursing pads into the cups of the tank and I already know I’ll get a ton of wear out of this long-line cardigan this go around. There are tons of nursing camis out there — I found I didn’t love the ones that were super compression-oriented because they made me feel uncomfortable as I recovered from my c-section. I preferred the Gap sleep style because it was so loose and comfortable. I did order this in white to test out this go around. I figure it might be a good companion for some loose-fitting jogger-style pants like these or these for dressed-down mornings at home or runs to the coffee shop. For cardigans: I also love this for a fun statement, this for comfort, and this because it looks easy-to-wash and comfortable, and the 90s ribbed look is in.
My go-to during the early months was loose-fit tops and button-downs, especially in tunic styles because they tended to be more comfortable for maneuvering the baby around and more flattering to a post-partem figure. I’d pair them with maternity jeans or leggings during the first few weeks of recovery. Here are my favorites right now, many of which I’ve already ordered:
Finally: sleepwear! I absolutely loved these maternity nightgowns from Gap and this one from Belabumbum. They are almost identical to one another — soft, stretchy cotton with drop cups and I’ve been wearing them a lot towards the end of this pregnancy, too, when even my maternity leggings irk me. They were heaven, especially when I didn’t want anything near my c-section incision. I also wore my beloved Cosabellas quite a bit, and plan to do the same this go around. (I now have a few pairs.)
I just picked up these loud earrings in the tan color and intend to wear them all summer long. I love that the style is so dramatic — and yet the fabric and color are so muted. Perfect with an LWD.
+Vintage Hermes scarf. I keep linking to variations on this and people always go crazy over them. One of my friends just snagged one and had it framed! Such a clever way to create a piece of statement art.
Has anyone else watched the Brene Brown special on Netflix? I will admit that I was highly skeptical when I sat down to watch it last weekend — “A motivational speaker? On a Friday night? What is happening…?” — but Mackenzie recommended it and my reservations quickly evaporated as I tuned into her compelling research and often poignant anecdotes on the subject of vulnerability and its relationship to courage. There is much to comment on, but one bit that left me swiping tears from my eyes touched on the fact that people who have suffered loss or are enduring tragedy say that they miss “the everyday,” the little normalcies that pass by unremarked but weave the fabric of our daily existence. One family who had lost their four-year-old son to cancer mentioned that their boy used to slam the screen door multiple times a day — and it drove them crazy. Now, in the wake of his absence, they will occasionally stand by the back door and slam it closed just to remember the sound.
I mean.
I can hardly write that without weeping.
Though there is much to unpack in her talk, I clung to this: what are the little nothings that mark my days right now that I will one day miss? I have been looking for these petits riens over the past week, marking them, burnishing them.
From mini’s crib most mornings, when she is waiting for me to lift her out: “Mommeeeee, where ahhh you?”
The explosion of noise when mini dumps her toys or crayons on the ground for the fifteenth, or fiftieth, time in a given day. Cringe-inducing to this tired and very pregnant mom, but also the lintel frame to her indulging in some quiet play by herself–and so, a happy sound.
The whistle of the tea kettle and the buzz of the burr grinder as Mr. Magpie prepares my morning pourover and measures — to the sixteenth of an ounce — the appropriate amount of sugar for my coffee. These are the sounds of his devotion to me.
The thump of mini’s feet and her inevitable cry: “come on, mommy! come on, daddy!” as she skips up and down our foyer, dancing to the Frozen soundtrack for the twenty-ninth time today, begging us to drop what we are doing and join her.
The jingle of Tilly’s collar as she trots around the apartment, looking to get into trouble. She is a handful but she colors our days and keeps us on our toes.
The eternal rumble of the dryer — a reminder of messy and happy afternoons spent in Central Park, spilled yogurt and smears of peanut butter from the good fortune of an earlier meal, dirty kitchen towels from all of the happy cooking that takes place in our kitchen. And also: of our incredible luck in finding an apartment with a washer/dryer in-unit. (Not a given in Manhattan.)
The jarring PING of the doorbell, and the inevitable follow-up of Tilly’s shrill and furious bark, as packages, groceries, dry cleaning, wine are delivered by our building’s porters–reminding me of the convenience of living in New York, where anything can be delivered within a few hours.
The occasional blare of a horn, the rise and fall of voices in conversation, the sporadic yell, the vroom of engines outside my window as I drift off to sleep at night–all markers of the fact that we live in MANHATTAN and I still pinch myself thinking about it.
What are the everyday normalcies that you will one day miss?
Blast from the Past: On a Split-Second Parenting Decision.
A propos of the previous blurb: I have never felt so “rooted for” as I did when I shared this story:
“…I knew I shouldn’t have done it: I can hardly lift her while in her stroller when I’m not six months pregnant and not wearing a backpack, but there I was, shakily teetering down the two steps.
As I ordered our treats, an elderly gentleman stopped me.
“Please don’t do that again,” he said, gesturing to the stairs. “I watched you, and was horrified. That woman on the news…!”
I felt a range of emotions that ran from righteous rage to lip-biting embarrassment. A part of me wanted to snap back at him: “Well, why didn’t you help then?” And another part of me recoiled at his patronizing tone. But the biggest part of me wanted to wail: “I know, I know. I know I shouldn’t have done it, and I did it. And I could have injured myself — or, worse — my baby, or the unborn baby I’m carrying. And for what?! A coffee? Saving a few minutes? Pre-empting a tantrum?” And so I just said:
“You’re right. Thank you.” He looked back at me and said:
“You remind me of my daughter-in-law. I would say the same thing to her. Please take care.”
Ugh.
I’m awash in gratitude and heartburn…”
Read the comments! So much more than I anticipated to unpack in this split-second parenting decision to carry mini in her stroller down a few steps…
+In anticipation of needing a more complete nursing-friendly wardrobe, I’ve started stocking up on button-down pieces like this. I especially love this one because it looks friendly to a post-partem paunch.
+Love the racer stripes/monograms on these darling pouches! I am a pouch hoarder. I use them constantly in all of my bags to keep things organized.
+This hat reminds me of a style by the far more expensive Gigi Burris!
+I’ve written about this in the past, but I love giving these collapsible tote bags as gifts to fellow moms. They are THE BEST for travel — pack easily in a suitcase and can be used to tote groceries, stow laundry, stand in as a beach bag, keep toys off the ground, etc, etc. I find infinite uses for them any time I travel. I just sent one to my sister, who celebrated her birthday this week.
+I’ve purchased and inherited a few traditional pieces by Feltman Brothers, a childrenswear brand that has been around for a century (!), and was astounded to find that Dillard’s carries the label — and that many pieces are on sale, like this sweet score for mini! This would be a perfect christening gown and I seriously cannot believe the price.
By: Jen Shoop
“Oh baby don’t you know that the Time will do the talking Years will do the walking I’ll just find a comfy spot and wait it out.”
-Patty Griffin
One of my girlfriends recently suggested I listen to Patti Griffin’s debut 1996 album “Living with Ghosts.” I’d never heard of her and fell hard — she’s a less twang-y, more lyrical Dixie Chick, or a more country Sheryle Crow, and I love the heartbreak in her voice. (Thank you, W.!)
I especially loved her song “Time Will Do the Talking,” and though I sense she’s writing about achieving some kind of comeuppance or clarity in a strained relationship, I found myself thinking about the breadth of perspective she’s espousing more generally and wishing I’d heard it in my 20s, when I was in an incessant rush to “get to the next thing.”
Because I wish, in my 20s, I had spent less time worrying about getting married and more time drinking Mr. Magpie up in the lighthearted, boyish content of his youth. Had agonized less about calories and worn a bikini more often–because damn! I’ll never look better than I did then. Had embraced the meanderings of my early career instead of fretting over where I was headed and what people might think of me. Had worried less about the imagined howl of the wolves. Had called my friend E. more often, had driven out to see her more regularly when she still lived thirty minutes from me in Vienna, Virginia. Had trusted myself to put one foot in front of the other, make the best decisions I could, and let time do the talking.
The song also reminded me of Sally Rooney’s “Normal People,” my May Magpie book club pick, which I loved and would award 4.5 stars. The novel charts the relationship between Marianne and Connell over the course of many years: we meet them as high school classmates, when Connell’s mother cleans the house of Marianne’s much wealthier family, and follow them through the caprices of their teens and twenties. The book is about modern love and its (mis-)communications. I am principally drawn to her books (also loved Conversations with Friends) because of the gorgeous craft of her character portraiture. I have never met such round, complex characters in my life: they feel real, beyond fiction, as if they exist somewhere in the world and Rooney has only happened to eavesdrop upon them and afford us glimpses into their heartbreaks and hopefulnesses. There is something unforced, natural about the way she captures them. Whereas I find myself steeling against the all-too-common experience of a plot line or character that feels overly convenient or trite in much contemporary literature, Rooney seems to let her characters breathe, be. I love the way she shows us how characters feel rather than telling us. For example: “They couldn’t look at each other when they were laughing, they had to look into corners of the room, or at their feet.” Is there any better way to capture the feeling of flushed attraction and self-awareness at the dawn of a romantic relationship?!
I had the honor of hearing Rooney speak a few weeks ago in Brooklyn and she said that she is always drawn to “relationships in disequilibrium.” In the case of Normal People, Marianne and Connell have a distinctive class divide at the outset of the novel, and there are many interesting negotiations between popularity, social status, and financial well-being that color the book and are worth unpacking. But there are darker vulnerabilities here, too: Marianne’s abusive past prevents her from fully accepting Connell’s purer intentions, and, later, Connell’s grappling with the untimely death of a friend of his send him spiraling into depression. Both struggle with their mental health in ways that impede the promise of their romantic attachment to one another. In many ways, too, I feel as though Rooney’s novel is another evocation of Patti Griffin’s “Time Will Do the Talking” sentiment: we follow these two wounded birds as they navigate their early adulthoods and, given the stretch of time we follow them, have a sense that they will likely continue to fall away from another and reunite over time, and that only the march of years will give us the full picture of their meaning to one another.
Oh, it is aching and truthful writing, and I love its understated elegance.
Book Club Questions.
+Marianne often draws attention to the fact that she sees herself as an outsider, admitting things like, “She knew these were the kind of thoughts that made her different from other people in school, and weirder.” How did you read her and her self-ostracism?
+Related: what did you make of the title? Do you think the title is meant to be ironic?
+What did you make of the ending? How are we to interpret her relationship with Connell at the very ending?
+The book is explicit in its treatment of the sexuality of her characters. What did you make of this? Was it necessary, gratuitous, etc?
+There is a point in the book where we get a very academic take on literature: “It was culture as class performance, literature fetishized for its ability to take educated people on false emotional journeys, so that they might afterward feel superior to the uneducated people whose emotional journeys they like to read about…” This jumped out to me. It’s written as an observation by Connell but seems to have broader implications for Rooney and her perspective on reading/writing. What did you think?
+Did you like the characters in this book? Why or why not?
+What did you make of the class divide between Connell and Marianne? Does it persist throughout the novel or is it more important at certain points in the story?
June Book Club Pick: Joan Didion’s South and West.
I have half a mind to suggest we discuss Educated because I found it one of the more confounding and upsetting books I’ve read in recent memory–not only because its subject matter is deeply disturbing but because I grappled deeply with its intent and the context for its publication. But. I already shared my core reactions to the novel here (please share your thoughts either in the comments on my Insta or below this post — dying to hear more about your reactions; I received so many polarizing responses via DM!) and am more inclined to just keep moving.
I’m instead going to suggest we read Joan Didion’s South and West, “two extended excerpts from her never-before-seen notebooks–writings that offer an illuminating glimpse into the mind and process of a legendary writer.” After sharing a favorite quote of hers in a recent #weekendvibes post, I realized I’ve only ever read her two memoirs and need to own a fuller repertoire of her masterful work. South and West is Didion’s most recent publication and so I thought we’d start there.
If you’re looking for something lighter, I’m currently reading and deeply enjoying Liane Moriarty’s What Alice Forgot, which everyone else read and raved about like five years ago. It has a creative premise and the writing is more substantive than you might expect. Next up for me: this thriller, which came out just a few days ago, from “Liv Constantine,” the pen name for the two sisters who wrote one of my all-time favorite beach reads. I’m also a huge fan of Ruth Reichl (have read a few of her books), and her recently-published food memoir has gotten solid reviews, like much of her writing.
+Speaking of gym/athleisure wear, a girlfriend of mine was wearing this puff-sleeved Goop sweatshirt with these and I want it SO BADLY, but it is sold out in my size. Considering this or this as alternatives.
If you’re leery of the proportions (I will say Lele headbands and many of the other styles featured above are a bit on the oversized/dramatic side), try this floral style I gifted my mom for mother’s day. Though the print is spiffy, the size is not as dramatic as many of the ones I own. And if you like the padded look, consider this $12 find, which also bears a lower profile!
It dawned on me the other day that some of the quintessential childhood summer experiences — camping, roasting marshmallows, running through a sprinkler with bare feet, shivering in a too-small towel by an over-chlorinated outdoor pool, sprinklers in a driveway (read to the end), cricketsong at dusk — will be difficult to come by for my Manhattanite children. Most of the summers of my youth were passed out of doors, trailing my older brother in our backyard, pumping my legs vigorously on the backyard swing set my father installed when I was seven or eight, participating in summer camps and pool days at my parents’ country club, hiking or horseback riding when we relocated to Colorado for the month of July during the bulk of the years that stretched between 1990 and 2000. Of course there are opportunities to travel with my little family to more rustic locales on vacation, where such pastimes can be indulged (and we intend to do so), but these experiences will be novelties rather than normalcies–brief departures from the concrete jungle, the stink and swell of August humidity in New York City. And the compression of space we experience as urban apartment dwellers entails unique considerations when I muse on this subject. For example, camping involves bulky gear: tents, sleeping bags, backpacks. Where would we stow this when not in use?! Even an inexpensive sprinkler seems like a burden. (“Do we keep the sprinkler in the closet, or use that space for out-of-season clothing?” Etc.)
Of course, this is the tradeoff we signed up for, and there are many unique upsides to living in New York that — for now, as far as we can surmise — balance the scales. But, it’s an odd thing. And there is a thick layer of Norman Rockwell-esque nostalgia that coats my memory of my own childhood and leaves me hoping for similar experiences for my own brood. For some reason, I equate proximity to the unvarnished simplicity of the outdoors in summer with a kind of inborn down-to-earth-ness. The fact that my two children might not know what it feels like to run their toes through overgrown grass on a daily basis curls up alongside a worry that they might become too frou frou or overly-cultivated for their own good. I don’t want them to be coddled urbanites who look on with puzzlement when friends from out-of-town marvel over the fact that “taking out the trash” in our building means calling a service elevator and having a porter remove the bag just feet from our door. (This remains, to me, an exceptional shock, even nearly two years into our life here.) Or that taking a subway or cab to school is de rigueur, or that there are doormen to hail cabs, receive visitors, and carry up groceries and other parcels on our behalf. How will they ever understand these as eccentricities of our lifestyle? Mini pointed to an enormous pillared building meant to look like a courthouse in a book the other day and described it as “a house.” A house! What skewed vision of the world has she already built — or have we in some way co-constructed with her?
These concerns are not overly meaty in the grand order of things. I trust myself and Mr. Magpie to keep our children from growing up too cloistered, and we visit family often enough to keep some semblance of “the real world” (New York is other-worldly, to be sure) impressed upon them. But they occur to me in fits and spurts, as I am switching mini’s clothing to her summer wardrobe, pulling out the strawberry-print blouse I ordered for her while fleetingly, improbably, imagining her wearing it in a field somewhere, and I catch myself wondering: but where?
How do you feel about raising your children in the home you have selected for them? Reservations? Concerns?
Summer Childrenswear Finds.
Most of the pieces I’m sharing here are more casual than you’ll usually find me featuring — because not every day involves a smocked, ironed dress around here (although, if that’s what you’re after, I shared a bunch of more traditional/formal pieces for the entire familyhere). Many of these are more inspired by a rustic aesthetic to match the yearnings outlined above:
+I hadn’t imagined I’d be super into the more West Coast vibe of this label, but I’m loving pieces by Rylee & Cru for micro these days. I have my eyes on these overalls in particular. (Get the look for less with these.) Also — to coordinate without matching, this for mama.
+I love that Jacadi carries their styles even in the ittiest-bittiest of sizes. I find that many labels start at 3M, but micro will be scarcely a month on the fourth of July — and so I have my eye on this for him.
+Loving the Liberty prints at Harbour this season. This dress! Separately, this striped sunsuit for a boy is adorable (and can be monogrammed with his initials).
(And when was the last time you even thought about color preferences — maybe in seventh grade? Ha!)
Mine is, and always has been, blue. When I was little and my mother used colors to distinguish between the daily drinking cups (we’d line them up in a row at the edge of the kitchen counter after meals, and she’d fill them up there with watered-down juice or milk at mealtime) and the backpacks and the pencil cases and the shoes of her five children, my color was always blue.
When I started writing this blog, I immediately opted for a green-gray-blue color for my logo. There was never really a question; it was pre-ordained to be blue.
When it came time to send out our wedding save-the-dates — even before I firmly had a vision for the wedding itself — I gravitated toward letterpress cards in a periwinkle-hydrangea blue without giving it much thought. (All of our wedding stationery was from Bella Figura.) And my mother told me that one of my aunts clutched at her pearls with delight when she opened the invitation and said: “Oh, it’s just so Jennifer.”
I’ve always loved that little anecdote because — yes. Blue is my color, and there is much to like about it. Blue is the color of Mary, to whom I’ve always held a special devotion. It is the color of peace, the color of serenity, the color of coolness: traits others have generously attributed to me even if I feel inwardly harried and anxious half the time. It is the color of the sea, of the sky, and I especially love hues that incorporate a moody gray that reminds me of these elements: natural, but brooding.
I have been drawn to blue with particular magnetism over the past few weeks. It feels as though everything I buy is blue nowadays. Below, a few of my favorite finds, setting aside my Frances Valentine caftan, which I’ve already blathered on about…
The final day of Sephora’s 2019 beauty sale is today — I’ve been meaning to write about this but it kept slipping my mind! VIBRouge get 20% off with code HEYROUGE; VIBs get 15% off with code HEYVIB; and insiders get 10% off with code HEYINSIDER. I always use this promotion to stock up on all my favorite products and to test out a handful of new ones, too, since beauty products so rarely go on sale. This go around, I re-upped on my new favorite gel facial cream from Korean skincare line Belif (I’ve been using it in lieu of La Mer the last few months and absolutely LOVE the way it glides on and hydrates my skin — plus, you can’t beat the price), bought a couple tubes of my favorite mascara, and stocked up on my favorite facial cotton. I am also testing a new shampoo and conditioner duo (I have not been disappointed by any of the Ouai products I’ve tested thus far and I love their scent) and I finally snagged a tube of Summer Friday’s wildly popular Jet Lag mask.
Mr. Magpie also asked me to pick up some of his favorite products: Kiehl’s Facial Fuel Face Wash, Kiehl’s moisturizer, and Jack Black’s Post-Shave Gel. The only other fancy cosmetic product he can’t live without? Molton Brown body wash. (Related: A few months ago, I told him we couldn’t use loofahs anymore because they are supposedly breeding grounds for bacteria, and we started using these silicon loofah brushes. Mr. Magpie hates them because the body wash does not scrub up enough for his liking, but at least we’re not defeating the purpose of bathing to begin with anymore — ha! I like the loofah brush because it feels really nice against your skin!)
My Latest Snag: The Saptodjojokartiko Organza Mule.
I’d never heard of the label Saptodjojokartiko before stumbling upon their elegant collection at Moda Operandi (see example above!). Are these mules NOT me in shoe form?! I literally gasped when I saw them. I needed them as a birthday gift to myself, and I plan on wearing them with something like this, this, or this for the occasion of my thirty-fifth birthday in late June. Perfection. Also eyeing these flats from the collection. To die for! I am smitten with the entire feminine, gauzey, demi-sheer vibe of the entire label, seen in select images below! (When will their dresses be available stateside, too?!)
You’re Sooooo Popular: The $15 Statement Headband.
“People with self-respect exhibit a certain toughness, a kind of moral nerve; they display what was once called character, a quality which, although approved in the abstract, sometimes loses ground to the other, more instantly negotiable virtues…. character–the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life.”
This was interesting fodder given my seemingly weekly musings sussing out the boundary between my own agency and fate.
I love the way she’s phrased this and I agree, too. Even if I’m constantly renegotiating my understanding of my role in relationship to fate, or destiny, or God’s plan, I feel a deep sense of conscientiousness when it comes to how the leading and unfolding of my life impacts those around me, and I hope this means that I am cultivating the kind of character Didion captures here. At the risk of sounding punctilious, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people blame others or shrug in irresolve when they find that their behavior has been nettlesome or detrimental to those around them. I once accidentally announced on this blog that a friend was pregnant and Mr. Magpie immediately sent me a note: “Should you have said that? Was that our news to share?” I froze. My heart dropped into my stomach. I wanted so badly to blame someone else — “but everyone in our circle knows!” “but they were so open about it at brunch!” but but but but but. I knew what I had to do: to own my faux pas and apologize.
There have been dozens of occasions of similar hand-wringing on this blog and off of it, and I have not always done the right thing, or done the right thing quickly enough. I hope I am headed towards the realm of “moral nerve” Joan Didion describes.
“…noting that I was an avid reader and budding writer, between bites of tunafish salad, my grandfather taught me about various and sundry literary conventions, including, most memorably, iambic pentameter. He tapped each of his ten fingers while quoting a Shakespearean sonnet, helping me understand how to measure poetic meter:
“For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings // That then I scorn to change my state with kings.”
BaBOOM, baBOOM, baBOOM…
In large part owing to these kindnesses, I began to fashion myself as a writer. I wrote stories and poems on construction paper and stapled them together into booklets, gifting them to my parents and grandparents on various holidays. The poems were typically tributaries, extolling the virtues of a loved one in banal, forced rhyme, while the short stories were always mysteries I’d cribbed from a book I’d read recently. I recall writing a short story curiously similar to one of the Bobbsey Twin books and insisting I’d divined it on my own. Consuming the Nancy Drew series in large gulps, I dreamed of having my own Ned Nickerson and often included a Ned-like romantic hero in my fictional forays. My best friend Ellie and I tapped out a mystery novella on an ancient typewriter we dug out from the basement. We modeled it on Harriet the Spy after spending several fruitless afternoons stationed in a row of boxwoods that overlooked Linnean Avenue, composition books in hand, taking notes on the passersby as we sought the latest juicy crime in my neighborhood. Over dinner one evening towards the end of my short-lived career in espionage, I insisted I had seen multiple strange cars drive into and out of the embassy across the street from us, and that some sort of international subterfuge was at hand. My parents exchanged looks. “Why don’t you write about it?” my mother offered, generously.”
Amidst planning for our Hamptons trip this summer (image above is my north star goal for the trip, plus a little baby at my side — swoon!) over the last weekend, I sat down and started answering a bunch of emails and direct messages and thought I’d share some of them here. Feel free to email me at jennifer@thefashionmagpie.com with your questions!
Q: What are some baby shower dress ideas for a mom-to-be?
A: I wore this dress to mine — I tend to like to buy non-maternity dresses that I can ware post-partem, but I also know that there is a threshold beyond which it’s basically impossible to make a non-maternity dress work — ha! Here are a few favorite finds:
+This Sleeper dress. I’ve seen a lot of women wear this brand without the belt during pregnancy and I love the look! Then it can be worn while nursing (button-down!) and after (belted). Genius! AND LINEN, which I’m currently obsessed with.
+If the shower is more informal, I wore this to Easter and it was so comfortable and flattering. I also was impressed with the quality of the fabric for the price. (You can see a sneak of me wearing it here.) A similar laidback vibe: this. (Note that Hatch runs REALLY big.)
Q: I am stumped as to what to get my husband for our 2nd wedding anniversary. I like the idea of following the traditional wedding anniversary gifts, 2nd is cotton, but I can’t think of anything. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
+Monogrammed waffle robe. I know this sounds odd/foppish, but I swear Mr. Magpie was skeptical and then has proceeded to wear this nearly every morning of his life while getting ready for work. One of those things guys don’t think they need, but…
+New sheets — or at least new pillowcases! — and these INCREDIBLE pillows. These changed my life. Not even joking. They never get hot (?!) so you never need to flip them in the middle of the night. Pillows aren’t cotton per se, but if you wrap them in some new pillowcases…I guarantee your man will thank you. (Also, these helped with Landon’s snoring — he doesn’t snore as much anymore!) For the bedding, I’m a huge fan of Hill House Home.
Or you could do something more experiential, like wrap an inexpensive cotton picnic blanket (#love) or beach towel (have and love these ultra thin but absorbent microfiber towels — great for packing) and tuck in a note with plans for a little getaway to the beach or a picnic in the park or some sort of outdoor music concert? That way, he has something cotton to unwrap, but the real gift is the experience.
Q: What are other baby names you love?
A: Ooh, I love this! I have to be careful here in the event that we have a third child at some point (!), but am going to share a couple of names that one or the other of us (and occasionally both of us) liked but ruled out for various reasons:
+For girls: Brett, Lucia (we used this as mini’s middle name, but I love it as a first name, too — it’s my great-grand-mother’s name), Ivy, June, Camila, Sawyer.
+For boys: Everett (family name), Shepherdson (family name, but we thought Shep Shoop might be a bit much — HA!), Aser (my Finnish grandfather’s name! How badass?!).
+If you’re game for something shorter, this and this are VERY similar to my Frances Valentine style. (And I love this sunny yellow style!) And if you liked the Pippa Holt styles I featured earlier this week — check out this $30 steal!
A: Writing this blog has never felt like work and so I anticipate I will be itching to get back to this within days of micro’s arrival, as I did within days of mini’s arrival. But I also understand that birth and motherhood can throw you for a loop, so there may be a little stretch of time where I am out of pocket, recovering and adjusting and soaking up micro. In short — the plan is to continue to post frequently, with minimal lapses here. Thanks for asking!
Q: What are some bump-friendly finds that aren’t maternity?
A: This is my forte. I have bought as few true maternity pieces as possible in both of my pregnancies. I like loose-fitting button-downs like this from Everlane, tunic popovers from J. Crew, and this pretty pink blouse from Zara and I pair them with the best maternity leggings or my J. Brand J Mama jeans, which I own in a couple of washes, including white. I also like to pair oversized sweaters (I will size up from my usual XS to an M) like this with my coated leggings. As the weather has warmed up, I have been leaning on my suite of caftans and any boxy/tunic dresses or loose/flowing maxis — pieces like this, this, this, and this. I also eyed several pieces by Sleeper — love that this can be worn before, during, after pregnancy and it accommodates nursing! Basically, I look for pieces that are longer than I normally buy (look for descriptors like “oversized,” “tunic,” “long,” “boyfriend”) because the bump means that things will look a lot shorter on you and no one wants an exposed belly and sufficiently loose/airy. Then, it’s all about buying fun flats and mules (love a good mule — no need to bend over!) and hair accessories to make even the most basic of looks feel special.
Q: I have a white floaty asymmetrical hemline midi skirt. What sort of top is best?
A: Ooh, love this look. I’d wear it with a delicate silk cami in pink, white, or black. (Also available in a variation with a scalloped neckline.) The other option would be a floaty floral top like this or this, if you’re looking to introduce a little contrast/color.
Q: I did a bunch of research and was excited about the Uppababy Cruz. I don’t think I need the Vista as we are not planning for another right away (although who knows!?) and I have heard the second seat is low to the ground and the weight limit is 35 lb. So then I started looking into umbrella strollers to have in addition to the Cruz and liked the looks of the Uppababy G-Lite. But now I am asking myself if I need two strollers, and am wondering what your take would be on getting only the BabyZen YoYo and using it as a primary stroller. We live in a semi-urban neighborhood and only have one car. We walk a ton so I want something that handles sidewalks well and has enough under carriage space to accommodate some groceries or items if I am out running errands. We also live in an apartment and I am trying to be thoughtful about what’s going to take up space. We don’t air travel a ton, but will occasionally, and the YoYo just gets such great reviews! I think I remember you have experience with both the YoYo and Uppababy, so would love your thoughts if you have time.
A: Personally, it sounds to me like you would benefit from a “full feature” stroller. I love the Babyzen Yoyo for public transit but I use the heavy-duty Bugaboo multiple times a day STILL and will always pick it over the Yoyo if I’m just going out and about in my neighborhood. Here’s why: it handles beautifully, glides over divots, and can make it over big curbs without jostling the baby. It has a big basket for stowing things. It’s sturdy. You can hang tons of shopping bags off of it, or lug cases of water underneath it. It reclines. It has a sunshade that actually covers baby. Etc. It sounds like you also have a predominantly pedestrian lifestyle — and so I say to invest in The Big Boy and you will not be disappointed. I feel as though our stroller is our moving home base when we’re out and about. (And the accessories make life on the go SO easy, i.e., the clip-on cup holders, the snack tray, etc.)
These are a couple of things that would tip me in the opposite direction (i.e., go with only the Yoyo):
+If you take public transit a lot. It sounds like you use a car or walk most of the time. In either case, the Yoyo’s virtues are principally in its easy fold and carry-ability. If those aren’t major concerns for you, stick with the big guy.
+If you have to walk up and down stairs to get to your apartment / don’t have an elevator. YOYO for SURE. I don’t even know how moms deal with a big stroller otherwise!
+If you travel a lot. (Yoyo is treated like hand luggage on many flights!)
+If you have no space in your apartment or its hall to stow a big stroller without folding it. I have to be honest: I always thought I’d collapse my Bugaboo when I got home, but I have never once (not once!) done it. Too much of a pain to collapse and reassemble if I use the stroller multiple times a day. But the Yoyo is so lightweight and easy to fold, I always fold it up the second I get home. Great for small spaces
Otherwise, personally, I would start with the Uppababy and then, when you are planning to take your first trip, consider whether it makes more sense to just check your Uppababy to bring with you. A lot of times you can gate-check for free. Or just see in general how often (if ever) you wish you had a travel stroller. I truly did not need one or think about needing one until mini was around one year old and I couldn’t use the carrier anymore because she was too heavy for me. And maybe that will give you enough time to legitimize the purchase of a second, smaller stroller — ha!
Q: Could you give a book recommendation for something similar to Conversations with Friends and Normal People? I read both and loved them — and am hoping to find something similar for our upcoming trip!
A: Ooh, this is a tough one because I personally feel Rooney is in a category of her own, especially when it comes to character design and development, which I see to be the hallmark of her work. (More thoughts on this topic here.) However, I got hints of J.D. Salinger and Hemingway from a style standpoint — her concision and focus on character positioning, movements, postures. Maybe one of their short story collections, like Hemingway’s Snows of Kilimanjaro or Salinger’s Nine Stories? For something more contemporary, I’ve heard people draw comparisons between Rooney and Emma Straub. Personally, I think the likeness is far too generous to Straub. I’ve only ever read her The Vacationers and was so-so on it, but I can see the resemblance — similar settings, a focus on familial/romantic relationships, a distinctively modern feel. It was a very easy and juicy read. And, finally, Sweetbitter. Very different setting and thematic treatment but similarly modern, dark, and tightly sketched — and also about the wanderings and disillusions of being an early twenty-something.
P.S. — I’ve started saving what I’m reading to this Instagram highlight in case you want to follow along, and I also did a roundup of trending books a few weeks back. Will do an update soon to share other reads on my radar. I’m currently reading Educated after literally everyone and her mother urged me to pick it up.
Q: Are you writing a book?
A: Be still my heart. Thank you for this over-generous question. I have written portions of a novel that has been tumbling around in my mind for over a decade, but it is slow-going and I already know that if I decided to truly write it, I would need to re-write everything from scratch — though the general shape of the plot would stay the same. So, yes, in a general sense, but with no firm plans to complete it…would you want to read portions of fiction from me if I focused on polishing them up? Or are you more interested in the kind of writing I do now — memoir-ish musings?
Q: Do you plan to breastfeed your second child? How long?
A: That’s my plan and hope, but I had to supplement mini with formula from day one and so I know that I will just need to roll with the punches. My goal with mini was to nurse (and supplement with formula) until six months, but we made it to eight months. My supply was dropping and I was still waking up in the middle of the night to feed her — and I needed to get back to a healthier sleep schedule. But I was surprisingly emotional about weaning. Honestly, I look back at breastfeeding in general and am perplexed by how emotional I was on the topic from the start. I went in to motherhood thinking I had no pre-conceived notions about breastfeeding, but then felt overwhelmed by a desire to feed her as much as I could myself. I spent the first month of her life frantically pumping, nursing, bottle-feeding in an endless and exhausting cycle. I was so intent on building up my supply and feeding her as much as I could despite the fact that literally everyone around me was saying, “Jen: fed is best. Don’t drive yourself crazy!” But I was highly motivated to figure it out and found that I really enjoyed nursing mini. I’ve already begged Mr. Magpie to remind me to keep a solid sense of perspective with micro in the event that something similar happens this go around. I am determined to make a valiant effort to breastfeed but also want to cut myself a little more slack if things aren’t working as smoothly this go around. I think my goal will again be to get to six months and evaluate what’s happening. If all is well, I’d ideally like to make it to a year, but I’m going to be flexible.
And, finally, I had a few inquiries about what breast pump I’ll be using. I ordered this one along with a spare set of parts, these microwavable sterilizing bags, and these Kiinde pouches that can be screwed directly into the pump using these adapters and then either placed in the freezer or even used to feed baby with a nipple attachment! I’m basically all about convenience where possible this time around. Poor Mr. Magpie’s hands were chapped and bleeding from washing pump parts so many times each day — UGH.
I feel I’ve thoroughly canvassed the realm of baby gear (including, more recently, my list of purchases for baby two), but thought I’d share some of my favorite everyday items for mini. In general, toddlers need a lot less stuff than I expected. Mini’s absolute favorite pastimes are reading, playing with her Little People, and coloring. Beyond that, we’re out of the house or I preoccupy her with things like helping me clean and cook. But, below, some of my absolute favorite products for mini, who is now just over two:
+My mom had this stool made with mini’s name on it and it has come in handy countless times since she received it on her second birthday. We use it when she’s brushing her teeth, when she asks to use the toilet (she’s not yet toilet trained, but we have all the gear ready to go — and I especially like this Baby Bjorn toilet insert, which fits perfectly and makes it much easier and less intimidating for her to use the regular toilet), and when she wants to watch us cook in the kitchen. She also likes to sit on it when I’m getting ready in the morning in the bathroom — and is very interested in talking about the letters in her name.
+Mini treat cups and Aerin melamine appetizer plates. I love having these on hand for parceling out toddler-sized amounts of snacks. The treat cups can come in handy when we have other friends over for playdates or we’re out and about and I need something to hold her snacks in.
+Replay Sippy Cups. I love the simple, non-fussy design of these cups. Also, they never leak. For smoothies, I like to use these drink-in-a-box cups (the straw is sufficiently wide and it’s easy to pour a smoothie into the top), and for water, we use Camelbaks or Thinkbabies.
+Baby Cie plates. I love the whimsical designs of this brand. The only drawback is that they aren’t microwavable (but they are dishwasher-safe!)
+Stasher Reusable Snack Bags. I like these because you can wash them in the dishwasher (takes a little ingenuity to make sure they are open on the top rack and then to dry them, but worth it). Mr. Magpie and I started separating our plastic bags from the rest of our trash to recycle at our local Whole Foods and I was frankly astounded by how much clear plastic we go through — shopping bags, food wrapping, ziplocs, etc. These snack bags make me feel better. (Also, we started using these to stow produce and I bring them to the grocery store with me instead of using the plastic bags there.) I also like these bags vs. traditional snack cups because they take up less space in a diaper bag!
+Crayola Bath Dropz. These were a great tactic for luring her over to bathtime back when she resisted it now. Now she loves bath time and I have to beg her to get out of the tub! She loves “putting color” in the water by adding these bath drops. Don’t even try the other brands — Crayola is the best. (Though why they opted for a yellow-colored tablet is beyond me…it makes the water look like pee.) She also loves her bath crayons.
+Alaffia Bubble Bath. More recently, mini has been very into bringing her little people into the tub with her and playing with bubbles. I’ve tried a bunch of brands of bubble bath (sounds ridiculous), but find that this foams up the best, is beautifully scented, and is non-drying to her skin. Love. I even prefer it to Noodle & Boo’s bubble bath, which did not sud up particularly well — though I love ALL of their other products.
+Noodle & Boo shampoo, lotion, body wash, and conditioning hair polish. Great products. They have such a lovely scent and are very gentle. I like their products so much, I use their linen mist on the upholstered pieces in her nursery and her stroller.
+Ubbi Bath Toy Bin. This is so intelligently designed. You can use the top portion to scoop all the toys up in one motion and then place it on top of the bottom piece so that residual water will drip out and your toys won’t mold.
+Boon Bath Mat. Does anyone else’s toddler love to stomp around in the bath tub? This gives me peace of mind and has saved us from countless spills. (Meanwhile, this have saved my old, creaky knees at bath time.)
+Ubbi Diaper Bin. Bought this for her as an infant, still use it constantly. It contains the smell.
+Boon Drying Rack. Oh, we’ll never be out of the phase of using this…we still use it daily, over two years in, and, with micro on the way, have a long future of seeing it on our counter. But it does contain the mess and enable us to dry all the cups, bottles, etc. with ease. I personally prefer this style to the “tree” versions of drying racks because it has a lower profile and can be stowed on its side in a cabinet on the rare occasion nothing is drying on it.
At Home Activities.
+Melissa & Doug Stamp Set. She LOVES this set. The ink is washable and not too pigmented, so it wasn’t nearly as messy as I’d anticipated.
+Counting Bears. I bought these for mini after noticing how much she enjoys organizing things — she likes sorting, placing items in rows, etc. She now enjoys playing with them in her dollhouse, too, but I’ve found that this was a great toy for beginning to talk about colors (and reinforcing the idea of “putting things away where they belong”).
+Melissa & Doug Magnetic Ariel Set. Mini is IN LOVE with dressing Ariel. We had to remove some of the super small pieces since she will occasionally put them in her mouth (no idea why — she doesn’t do this with anything else small in our house), but most of the pieces are big enough that they don’t pose a choking hazard.
+Coloring Books. Oh man — we go through SO many coloring books in our house. The minute she receives a new one, she’ll lay on her stomach and scribble on each and every page. Then she’ll go back and shade in pages for days on end. I keep a small amount of crayons in an accessible cup that she can get out for herself, and then, every two weeks or so, let her pick a new handful of crayons from a big pencil box full of them. This ensures we don’t have to play pick-up-34989834983498-crayons twenty-five times a day and she loves the novelty of picking out new crayons, too.
+Home Pod. This sounds nutty but we use the Home Pod to play mini’s favorite songs allllll day long. Some days I think I will spontaneously combust if I hear the Frozen soundtrack one more time, but then I remind myself how much better it is that we’re listening to music versus watching TV and let it gooooooo. I also love that I can ask Siri what time it is / what the forecast looks like / etc from wherever I am in the apartment without having to get up and check my phone or laptop. I can also tell her to turn off all of our apartment lights when we leave because she’s synced to our Hue lighbulbs, one of my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PRODUCTS EVER. Basically, she’s my handy little assistant and she enables me to accomplish many minor things and get minor pieces of information without moving or using my hands. Ha!
+PBK Sloan Play Table. I love this simple, unobtrusive little white table. Mini plays with her dolls/dollhouse on it, eats her meals on it, keeps her water cup on it, etc, etc, etc. It’s her space and she knows it. We also got her this adorable Kartell ghost chair in the pink color and she loves to sit in it while having her lunch.
+Toddler Cake Set. Mini has a few different food/cooking sets, but this is one of her favorites, and she loves to use these to “cook dinner” for myself and Mr. Magpie.
+Maileg Mice. She LOVES HER MAILEG MICE and has since she was itty bitty. I love their timeless styling and attention to detail and I think she just loves their proportions? I’m not sure what it is — but she’s been hooked on these since maybe seven or eight months of age!
I almost always have some combination of these items in my bag when we’re out to lunch, at church, taking the subway somewhere, etc, and I try really hard not to let her have them in the apartment so that they always feel special/new when I need a distraction: t
+Church Magnet Book. This is a super intense Catholic toy — ha! But mini LOVES it. This keeps her busy for about fifteen minutes straight during Mass. And it’s quiet and, obviously, appropriate for the venue. (If you’re not Catholic, something like this or this would be similar and suitable.)
+Sidewalk Chalk. We keep this in her stroller and I swear she’s the most popular kid at the playground when she brings these out — which is, actually, a lovely thing, since it affords us many opportunities to talk about taking turns and sharing. I specifically like this set because the pieces of chalk are square — meaning that they don’t roll around, leaving you chasing stray chalk.
+Bubble Wands. We also always have one or two of these wands under our stroller. Mini loves bubbles!
+Micro Scooter and ladybug helmet. She honestly loves using this in our apartment, too, but I love the mornings we set out as a family and let her cruise around Central Park with this.
+Bugaboo Snack Tray. A MUST HAVE. Use this constantly. It keeps her water/snacks in reach and is very easy to remove/move out of the way and also — surprisingly — to keep clean. There’s really no area where food can get trapped and nasty. I love the design.
+Bugaboo Wheeled Board. We recently gave mini this in anticipation of the arrival of micro, and she loves sitting on it and standing on it when she doesn’t feel like being strapped in. We haven’t had too much of an issue with her leaping off of it once she’s on it, but I will say that if she’s not in the mood to leave the park / playground / etc, not even this board will entice her to leave, so it’s not like a panacea to all urban transit woes. It takes a minute to get used to it when you’re pushing the stroller, too — you have to sort of walk on the side to avoid running into it — but it’s not too obtrusive.
What else do you love for your toddler?
Currently on my radar for her: an OK-to-wake clock, not so much for the intended purpose, though. We are running into issues with bedtime: she’s become highly resistant and stubborn about following the normal sequence of activities (bath, jammies, brush teeth, two books in our bed, hugs, one book in her bed, prayers, into crib). It feels as though we’re pulling teeth to get from one step to the next and the entire routine is suddenly punctuated by multiple trips to time out and moments of quiet exasperation on our end. This just happened all of the sudden and has caught us all by surprise. I know it’s partly the age and her desire to test our limits (and to stay awake and play!), but my mom suggested we might buy her her own clock and use it as a kind of tool — “Hey, is it bedtime yet? [Check her special clock together.] Oh, no! Not yet! Still ten minutes to play.” Etc. I personally like the idea of involving her in the notion of checking the time to see if it’s appropriate bed time, of giving her more of a heads up as to what’s coming, and — is this wrong of me? — to make us seem like less the bad guys enforcing some arbitrary bedtime. (“But the clock says…”) Also need to stock up on sunscreen for summer (have heard good things about this brand) and map out her school gear (still a few months out, but I like these Lunchbots aluminum bento boxes and these seersucker backpacks).
