Quick PSA to let you know that Lake Pajamas is running one of its rare sales right now. I have been absolutely living in a pair of their maternity (nursing-friendly) jammies (now on sale!) and they are made of the softest, most beautiful Pima cotton. Kind of like Kissy Kissy jammies for adults!
My beloved SZ Blockprints is offering 25% off its spring and summer collection! I think it’s time for me to pull the trigger on this, and — if you don’t own one of their Kitty caftans, jump on it!
It can be easy to lose a sense of perspective these days. I’m either dialed in on the nitty gritty of newborn care (“But what is this rash? At what point do I start to worry? When do I call in the big guns — my mother and my pediatrician — for their perspective? A few hours from now? A day from now? Two?”; “Did he poop yesterday?”; and “Wow — he might need an extra ounce of formula!”) or lost in its footslog, and an entire day can pass me by without much introspection or thought. I stumbled across this poem by Mary Jean Irion the other day and it stopped me dead in my tracks:
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure that you are. let me learn from you, love you, bless you before we depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. let me hold you while I may, for it may not be always so. one day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself tart, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.
Oof.
A heady reminder to lift myself from the particulars and smile at them. Or, when I’m too tired to smile, at least nod my head at them.
I sat in my shadowed bedroom this morning at 6:32 a.m., the curtains still drawn in an effort to prolong micro’s sleepy start to the day, and though my aching arms wanted desperately to place him in his bassinet in order to steal an extra ten or fifteen minutes of sleep before mini roused in the nursery next door, I sat there and took in the now-memorized sounds of Mr. Magpie’s morning routine: the muted roar of the shower in the bathroom, its abrupt cessation just ten seconds before the “clang” sound the shower door makes as it closes, the occasional whistling or throat clearing that punctuates his skincare regimen. The jostle of Tilly’s tags and collar when she hears Mr. Magpie returning to the bedroom, as she knows it’s nearly time for her morning walk. Her slow stretch, the lethargic wag of her tail. The squirm of micro in my arms, his grunts and moans as I burp him. The swaddling of his little form — so customary now I barely register its motions. One arm down, one corner of the swaddle tucked under his back. Then the other side. Then pull the bottom up over his legs, smooth everything down, tuck the corners in.
“How’s it going?” — nearly always the first thing Mr. Magpie says to me as he enters the bedroom, after he assesses my alertness. (I am occasionally sitting upright, but in a state of fitful sleep, micro in the crook of my arm or on my shoulder.) A brief and courteous chat about micro’s sleep pattern the night prior, followed by a shared moment of commiseration or excitement, which promptly dissolves into the march of the morning, forgotten.
Minutes later: the smell of coffee wafting through the apartment. Snippets of Mr. Magpie’s conversations with mini captured over the monitor: “Did you have a good sleep?…happened to your bunny?…out the…oh no! out the crib!…yes, baby brother…sleep…so silly…mommy’s still asleep…”
The thud of mini’s feet on the parquet floors. The clang of dishes, the open and close of the fridge.
In the wake of reading Irion’s poem, I saw these details for what they were: the ho-hum, unremarkable — and yet tender, worn-in-at-the-seams ministrations of motherhood and marriage.
+Beginning to imagine what micro’s nursery will look like in our new apartment, which we’ve not yet found, but still. I love this simple and affordable blue-and-white striped rug, or maybe the sand-and-white striped one? Not sure I want the nursery to look too “little boy blue.” Or do I.
+Speaking of toile, received this heavily discounted backpack (more sale finds here) and love it so much — but am thinking of actually giving it to mini for school this fall! It’s a little too small to carry my motherhood necessities.
I’ve mentioned this several times this week (sorry), but I am loving these inexpensive ($29! free shipping!) waterproof Birks for traipsing around Central Park and its various splash pads with mini and micro this summer, whether wearing an airy caftan or athletic gear. I had been wearing much more expensive sandals (including, often, my buttery-soft Hermes Orans) and awkwardly dancing around puddles of water or — worse — stomping right through them, putting my shoes at risk for permanent destruction. I bought the coral, which looks more like a neon pink (seen above), though I hemmed and hawed over the stark white. Very happy with this purchase. WTTW: these are made of a very lightweight foam material, so I’m skeptical of longevity, but for the needs I have right now — perfect.
Mr. Magpie and I often talk about our future selves. Not in some kind of identity evolution sense, but in the context of tackling things now — even itty bitty ones — that will make our “future selves” happy. For example, I noticed that Mr. Magpie will often run the dishwasher just after we’ve finished dinner and cleaned the kitchen instead of right before bed, as he used to. This way, he has time to empty the dishwasher before bed instead of first thing in the morning — as our mornings are suddenly hyper-busy and stacked with chores we need to get done before he gets out the door.
I’ve found myself in a similar frame of mind. What can I do right now that will make “future me’s” life a little easier? A little happier? And so I’ve started to pack mini’s lunch the night before so it’s one less thing to do amidst the fracas of our morning routine. And when I think micro is coming up on a feeding, I’ll pre-mix his formula bottle, arrange all my nursing necessities on the couch, and make sure things I don’t want mini or Tilly to get into while I’m less mobile are put away. I’ve ordered little things that make future me’s road a little easier: a second formula dispenser that I can permanently keep in my diaper bag so I’m not constantly shuttling one between my bedroom, the kitchen, and my diaper bag; a longer charging cable for my bedside so I don’t need to unplug my phone one-handed while nursing in order to comfortably navigate it from my bed; enough bottles so that I’m never left hand-washing one at the last minute. I’ve more closely monitored the rate of our consumption of household products so that I can add them to my Amazon Subscribe & Save account and things show up at the right time, on the right cadence, without adding to my mental load. Even things like my nightly glass of wine: I’ll often defer it so I can enjoy it alongside Mr. Magpie after the babies are down to maximize enjoyment, even though I am ready for it by 5 P.M. sharp.
It’s a funny and gracious mental framework, if you think about it: what little kindnesses can I afford myself a few hours from now? How can I be most generous to future me, who might be harried or exhausted or in need of a little pick me up?
Try it — I think your future self will thank you.
Post-Scripts: John Johns for Next Summer.
+I just stocked up on rompers/shortalls/john-johns for mini for next summer at Maisonette’s sale — bought him several pairs from Busy Bee Kids, like this one.
One of the most common questions I receive from readers is — “What do I buy for my husband/boyfriend/father for a birthday/anniversary/Christmas/etc?” Today, I thought I’d round up some of the best gifts I’ve ever given Mr. Magpie. They range in price from around $20 to nearly $1000. I rank each product highly because they are well-used and well-loved by Mr. Magpie, they are thoroughly vetted/researched, and because I’ve recommended their purchase to many, many friends, family members, and readers — and have heard nary a negative response yet. Note that I’ve featured many of these products across my blogposts in the past, but here is a consolidated list!
+Filson Briefcase. Mr. Magpie uses this daily. I love that it walks the line between sporty/masculine (i.e., doesn’t it kind of look like something from Orvis, but nicer?) and refined/sophisticated. Appropriate whether your man works in a buttoned-up office or a casual co-working space, and accommodates a range of different fashion styles.
+Memory Foam Bedpillows. These have insane reviews — and for good reason. I upgraded our bedroom pillows to these and they’ve entirely changed the game for us. (And we’re now annoyingly judge-y about pillows when we travel!) They literally never turn hot; you’re always on “the cool side of the pillow.” They’re also beautifully supportive and comfortable, and you can adjust the fill level easily by yourself depending on how firm/soft you prefer your surface. Trust me when I say any sleep-loving man will geek out over these.
+Prosource Accupressure Mat. A great gift for a stressed and overburdened loved one. Mr. Magpie was obsessed with this for months on end during a particularly intense period in our lives, and this brought him little pockets of peace and relaxation.
+Patagonia Baggies Shorts. These are technically swim trunks but can also be used for lots of outdoor activities, i.e., gardening, hiking, etc. Super comfortable and breathable and come in great colors. Mr. Magpie has been wearing his constantly this summer.
+Stubbs and Wootton Tuxedo Slippers. If you and your man tend to go all out for black tie festivities, a pair of these will up the ante. Not for the fashion faint of heart, but whenever Mr. Magpie wears these, he earns dozens of compliments.
+If your man is a budding gourmand (i.e., cook with training wheels), Mr. Magpie and I often suggest Steve Raichlan’s How to Grill, which essentially taught Mr. Magpie how to grill and is full of foolproof, non-fussy, delicious recipes, along with grill tongs and a basting pot with brush.
+Weber Kettle Grill. Related to the above: there’s nothing like the classic. (Mr. Magpie is a purist when it comes to grills — he prefers charcoal to gas.)
+A vintage watch. I bought Mr. Magpie a beautiful alligator strap Montblanc watch from The Real Real similar to this one for one of our anniversaries and it’s now his “dress watch” and he loves it.
+Marmot Precip Jacket. A great all-purpose windbreaker/rain jacket that actually keeps you dry and includes side vents for warm weather. Can essentially be worn most of the year (until it’s really cold) and for a range of purposes: as a light layer when hiking, as a rain/wind repellent when inclement or windy, etc. Comfortable, breathable, and highly packable (folds up really small). I also own one.
+Apple Airpods. I feel like everyone already owns a pair of these, but they are simply fantastic. Beautifully designed, comfortable to wear, and highly functional — I wear them every day on my walks with Tilly/while out running errands.
+Pocketknife. Every man needs one, and this one is particularly beautiful. I bought my brother one of these from this store and he loves it.
+A framed matchbox from a beloved restaurant. Would be super cool if you have a special memory with your man at one of these places, or offer to take him to the actual restaurant as a part of the gift. What a cool keepsake to position on a bookshelf or gallery wall after!
+A Zojirushi coffee thermos. The actual best. Keeps coffee piping hot for hours and does.not.leak. Also stands up to the test of time: we’ve had ours for nearly a decade with nary a problem.
+Sonos speaker system. We had this installed throughout our home in Chicago and oh man did we love it. I think the key differentiator with Sonos is that their software/app is as beautifully designed as the actual speaker hardware — so you have high quality sound and an easy-to-control system. We could even have guests help us create a playlist! So fun.
+Nest thermostat and Hue lightbulbs for the smart home enthusiast. Both are well designed and easy to use and I’ve already written extensively about both.
+Poncho fly fishing shirt. I gave this beautifully, thoughtfully designed fishing shirt to my father for Christmas and it’s probably the first (and last) time I’ve ever seen him get excited about a gift. Maybe throw in some Orvis dry flies — they tend to go over well with the men in my house.
+Plantronics wireless bluetooth earbuds. If he exercises regularly, he’ll need (and love) these, even if he owns a set of Airpods. These are waterproof, sturdy, and will never fall out.
+Davek mini umbrella. Great gift for a traveler or someone who walks to work frequently and thus confronts inclement weather on the regular. This umbrella is excellently made and surprisingly sturdy for its size — but small and lightweight enough to keep in his Filson briefcase.
You know how when you are interviewing for a job, the interviewer often asks the generic trap-door question “What is your greatest weakness?” And you are meant to actually provide a “streakness” — a strength couched as a weakness?
“I’m too detail-oriented,” you trot out, with a look of benign concern.
“I care too much,” you sigh, earnestly.
(Ugh.)
I’ve been thinking about a streakness of mine a lot lately, though — one that is authentic rather than manufactured to optimize my chances at job procurement. And one that has been giving me trouble of late. Focus. I have incredible focus. I’ve known this since I was about thirteen, when I first discovered not only my capacity but my aptitude for studying for long stretches of time in an effort to memorize every minute detail of say, the timeline of the French Revolution, or the vocabulary list handed down to me by my freshman year English teacher (“apostrophe,” “litotes,” “sonnet” will forever be etched into my memory) the night before an exam. I remember classmates marveling over my seemingly uncanny ability to memorize everything, and my parents proudly tut-tutting over my scholarly commitment, but it always felt natural — even enjoyable — to me.
In more recent years, especially while we were running a business together, Mr. Magpie has often commented on my “laser-like focus” — the way I can burrow into a task to the exclusion of all else — and sometimes with the slightest hint of reproach, as I can be difficult to interrupt when I am in The Zone. This is particularly true when I am writing: don’t come a-knocking. (Sorry, Mr. Magpie.) You see, I find it jarring to snap into and out of The Creative Space. I am either all in, fingers flying across the keyboard, or I am not. It kind of feels like “clipping in” to a bike. I’m either strapped in, cycling wildly as I coast down an incline, hair streaming in the wind, and you haven’t the faintest of chances of catching up to me — or I am not. There are two modes, on and off, and no in-between.
But parenthood has disarmed my skill, transforming it into something unseemly and inconvenient. There simply aren’t enough long stretches of time to “clip in” anymore, and if I do by chance find myself in a groove, I’m only frustrated by interruptions, no matter how worthy and necessary they are.
And so I see I’ve been nurturing a serious streakness all my life, one that is, it turns out, conducive to writing and ill-disposed to parenthood. How unfortunate, in a sense, that this attribute of mine makes balancing two of my chief roles in life — mother and writer — a rocky proposition. Professionally powerful but personally painful.
Instead of sending myself into a daily tailspin attempting to reconcile the two, I’ve been coaching myself to adapt. I’ve been attempting to direct and curtail my intensity of focus into little burrows of time that I carve out for myself throughout the day. Whereas I used to love a long path and a clear desk and an empty agenda to accommodate four or five hours of unfettered writing, I now spend more time strategizing about my writing and fitting it into small pockets of time. If I feel compelled to write and know that micro will need feeding or mini will need bathing in ten or twenty minutes, I’ll often force myself to jot down the bones of what I would like to write along with any intact phrases tumbling through my mind (expressions and turns of phrase tend to arrive fully-formed just before I sit down to write, and I pluck them out of the ether and arrange them in my prose rather like a pastry chef studding a cake with rosettes) instead of permitting myself to sit down and write, long-form, the way I’d like to.
I find that this makes for a happier “me” in the long run, or a less frustrated one anyhow.
And it also makes me grateful for the little burrows I do have to myself, those small parcels of unclaimed time where I can let my thoughts roam free and lose myself for a few minutes in writing about something that’s heavy on my heart or elusively skittering through my mind, just waiting to be pinned down by the pen (er, keyboard).
I write to know what I think.
So today I’m grateful for those little pockets for keeping me clear-headed, even though it’s taking me time to reconstruct my writing process to accommodate them.
+The verdict is in: LOVE these $30 water-friendly slides (I snagged them in the coral, which is a fantastic neon color). They are much lighter-weight than I expected (sort of a foam material?) but perfection for traipsing around the splash pads with mini. I’m keeping mine in the basket of the stroller!
+Mini’s school does not permit peanuts/peanut butter and DRAT. PBJs are a staple around here these days. Going to try this nut-free granola butter instead, which gets decent reviews.
+Does anyone else spend a small fortune on freeze-dried fruits for her toddler? Mini loves that stuff! I was thrilled to find this ginormous tin at a good price.
What are your top three summer must-haves? I love polling my chic and in-the-know friends with questions like these; I always find new products to try that I in turn realize I can’t live without. (Like, did you know that there is such a thing as a stroller cooling pad?! My friend had something like this for her baby while we were in the Hamptons and it was genius!) Below, I polled a couple of my good friends (all of them women of substance!) for their top picks for this summer.
Jen Hunter’s Summer Must-Haves.
Remember my chic friend Jen Hunter? Since profiling her, she’s ventured off on her own to build her own interior design practice. (If you’re looking for someone with an incredible eye but appreciation for practicality — i.e., how to make your home look chic with little ones ruining everything at every turn — check her out!) Her top three summer must-haves:
Remember my talented dancer friend!? She came to my final in-person book club before having micro and it was so fun to reconnect with her IRL after keeping in touch digitally for 15 years. (We went to high school together.) At any rate, her summer must-haves:
*FYI, this set, which comes with the applicator and two refills is a crazy good deal in Nordstrom’s sale right now.
Mackenzie Horan’s Summer Must-Haves.
I’m guessing that all of you already follow the lovely and witty Mackenzie on her own incredible blog and are able to keep up with her stylish picks there, but I asked her nonetheless. (She’s closing in on her third trimester!)
She is the most asked-about person on this blog and countless number of readers have requested that I profile her as a woman of substance because, well, she is THE REAL DEAL. We’ll get there! (She’s taking her time with her answers to my Proust Questionnaire.) Below, her top three picks for summer:
*My mom is very selective and particular about comfortable shoes. If she gives Rothys a place of such prominence in her summer must-haves, I can assure you these are comfortable, well-made shoes.
Alison Kenworthy’s Summer Must-Haves.
You probably remember my gorgeous friend Alison Kenworthy. Aside from being one of the loveliest women I know, she has also graciously hosted many of our in-person book club convenings! Her summer must-haves:
*Mr. Magpie gave me a pair for my birthday and they are GAMECHANGERS. I have them in while I’m nursing — so much easier than cradling the phone with my shoulder / putting on speaker and having it slip slide around the bed / etc. I also love them for walks with Tilly. I’m obsessed. I am so late to the game with these but — MAMA MIA — technology is a good thing.
Mr. Magpie’s Summer Must-Haves.
I actually didn’t ask him — these are just my observations based on what he’s used the most. I am 100% certain I will receive flack for this in one way or another, but here goes:
I feel as though Amazon’s Prime Day has been such a letdown in years past, but there are actually a few scores worth considering this go around (and “Prime Day” ends tonight, FYI):
+I finally convinced Mr. Magpie to buy himself a Kindle Paperwhite while they’re on sale for $85 (down from $129). I have raved about this product a trillion times in the past, but suffice to say — I credit it entirely with the volume of books I’ve read in the past two years. It makes reading easier, physically and conceptually, to fit into your life. (I wrote more about this here.) Great time to buy one of these for yourself or a loved one. (Also, what to read on your Kindle.)
+Ring Wi-Fi Video Doorbell system. My parents and several close friends have and love this. Great way to monitor your door remotely — and especially convenient if your front door isn’t on the same floor as your living space! (Also, a really good gift for a techie boyfriend/husband.)
+Instant Pot. This was one of the most popular items I featured on my blog last year — people go insane over this (read reviews). On sale for only $55 (usually $130).
+Hue Smart Lightbulbs. I wrote a euphoric hymn to these bulbs (see item #8) a few years ago, and not much has changed in terms of my enthusiasm, especially now that they sync with our HomePod and we can tell Siri to turn off all the lights in our apartment (!) These are fantastic.
+My favorite long-lasting lipstick (30% off at checkout for Prime members). I own this in the fiery red “fiery” color and the hot pink “fiore” color and they are THE BEST liquid lipsticks. I have advised several brides to use this brand — the color goes on matte and lasts. (Just make sure to moisturize prior — this is my favorite lip primer. A makeup artist described it as “velcro” for lipstick and I agree.)
+My favorite liquid eyeliner (30% off at checkout for Prime members). Dries matte (!) and extremely easy to apply. I wear this at night.
+My favorite shade of red nail polish — OPI Big Apple Red (32% off at checkout for Prime members). I get asked about my nail color all the time; if it’s red, it’s almost always this color. It’s a perfect true Coca Cola red.
+Revlon One-Step Hairdryer. So – I never took the plunge on this because reviews have been so scattered. Some people claim it’s the best thing since sliced bread, others complain that it’s bulky and doesn’t work for their hair. But now that it’s only $36…
+Baby boy has very dry skin that breaks out in rashes easily. Our pediatrician recommended either Aveeno Baby or Cerave, the latter of which is a Prime day deal. Might snag a tube of it while it’s discounted. I also bought Tubby Todd’s all-over ointment after reading several zealous reviews claiming it cures everything from rashes to cradle cap to eczema?!
+A new floor puzzle for mini (she’ll flip — on sale for $8). She was really into these two-piece puzzles, and I think she might get a kick out of the bigger one. Possibly a bit advanced but she can grow into it.
+$10 off one of my must-have baby toys. Yes, it’s hideous and the music haunts your dreams, but it truly is a must-own toy. It kept mini entertained for hours and hours over the course of months and months. (Can be used when baby is seated in front of it before she’s mobile, then can be used when she’s first learning to walk. She still loves playing with the phone piece!)
+People love love love Tegu magnetic blocks. This kit is on sale for an insane deal — only $32 down from $75! I’m going to buy a few of them to give as Christmas gifts!
+NOT on Amazon, but J. Crew is drafting off the “prime” sale verbiage and has some crazy good deals on some of my favorite staples, like this rollneck sweater for only $25, the classic Tippi sweater for $25 (crazy!), and one of my favorite tees (I own this already in several colorways — going to snag that pale pink!) for under $10.
I have been fascinated by interior decorator and jewelry designer Nicola Bathie ever since I first discovered her floral earrings similar to these on Julia of Gal Meets Glam and ordered them immediately. I love her collection of fanciful statement earrings as much as her taste in interiors and her aesthetics when it comes to personal style–all of which I follow avidly via Instagram.
Nicola was born in Johannesburg, South Africa, but has lived in the UK and US and traveled widely. After earning a major in interior design from Texas Christina University in 2013, Nicola worked as an interior designer before launching her eponymous jewelry line, which has since been picked up by major retailers, including Anthropologie (see her collection here). Her jewelry designs feature beads and materials from around the world and are largely inspired by her travels. (Currently on my Magpie lust list: these pearly star earrings — though I just bought a pair similar to these!) She is an elegant spirit with a knack for the whimsical and stylish — and you should just see how she dresses her adorable daughter (and a second daughter is on the way!).
THIS SLINKY A+O, WHICH I’M CONSIDERING FILING AWAY FOR AN EVENT IN LATE FALL/EARLY WINTER
MY FAVORITE BRA EVER ($44!!!) — SORRY TO RUIN THE SURPRISE, BUT I’M ORDERING TWO FOR MYSELF AND ONE AS A GIFT FOR MY SISTER BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE TENDS TO BUY INEXPENSIVE BRAS AND I KNOW THIS WILL CHANGE HER LIFE*
JUST BOUGHT MYSELF THIS FANNY PACK, ON SALE FOR $60 — #MOMLIFE**
CONTEMPLATING BUYING THIS CHANTECAILLE SET FOR MYSELF — I LOVE EVERYTHING THEY MAKE; THE ROSE DE MAI MIST IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES
ORDERED THIS BACKPACK AS A FUN ALTERNATIVE TO MY PRIZED M.Z. WALLACE ONE BECAUSE…$30!
*SORRY THE ALL-CAPS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE I’M SHOUTING. I KIND OF AM.
**Also, one time, a sketchball tried to steal my wallet from my diaper bag while I was watching mini on the swing. Ever since, I’ve kept my key, phone, and wallet on my person — this fanny pack will be so helpful (instead of tossing half of my stuff in a backpack / holding onto it).
*Photo above from Styled Snapshots. Click over there to see how good she looks in her pair!
A propos of my post yesterday, I have needed some new workout gear for my “slow and good” fitness campaign. These Lululemon Align leggings (I got them in the 21″ crop in the olive green, exact color seen above) are THE BEST. Super stretchy and non-constrictive and yet they still kind of suck you in? I don’t get the technology, but they work. I’ve even heard they work during pregnancy — and of course, if you’re not pregnant at all! I bought them after realizing that all of my pre-maternity leggings were uncomfortable to squeeze into, especially around my incision, which is still kind of sore. These are buttery and stretchy and I love the 21″ leg length.
I have it on good authority from a trusted friend who gave birth to her son via c-section almost exactly a month before I did that this $24 pair is a solid (ultra-comfortable) dupe. I’m also drawn to this $18 tank by the same brand, which looks very Lululemon-esque, although these days, I’m usually wearing one of my Cake Maternity nursing camis (I didn’t like these as much last time, but they’ve been super handy this go around) underneath a simple men’s long-sleeved tee (I own this in gray and white). This way, when I need to feed micro, I just slip off the tee. Meanwhile, the tee provides ample coverage — I’m just not in a place where I want to be frolicking around in body-hugging tanks yet.
Hitha recently posted an interesting thought in her Instastories — I wish I’d screenshotted it! — that said something along the lines of trying to claim just one hour of every day for self-care–be it meditation, writing, exercising, reading, etc. The post made the point that one hour out of 24 is only about 5% of your day — and can’t you afford 5% of your day to nurture yourself?! Of course, the stat overlooks the fact that you’re sleeping for a good portion of 24 hours, which is in its own way a kind of self care, but still. The provocation stands. It made me feel better about the hour I spend sitting on the couch in front of the TV with a glass of wine, chatting with Mr. Magpie, most nights of the week. Mini is asleep, dinner is done, and micro has just had his last feed before his longest stretch of nightly sleep, between 9 pm and 1 am. And so from 9-10, when I should be sleeping or handling things around the house or tidying the kitchen or folding laundry or writing, we sit and be adults together — not parents, not employees, not daughters and sons, not siblings. Just two adults, enjoying one another’s company. We watch something mindless or serious, depending on our moods. We speak idly about our days. We almost always swap observations about the children. But mainly we sit there and return to ourselves. My body is freed of small limbs, hands, and mouths. I feel the onus of active parenting dissolve into the back of my mind, no longer on high alert for dangers that need averting and missteps that need correcting. It took me until Hitha’s post to realize that this hour is my own kind of self-care. It may not sound healthy — wine and TV are involved! — but it is deeply relaxing to just sit and just bewith my other half.
What’s your 1/24?
Post-Scripts: Detanglers for Little Ones.
+Ordered mini two new detanglers: this one for after-sun (she spends a lot of time in the water / running through Central Park / etc) and this one for after bath. I also really like this one for refreshing her hair in the morning when I’m tying it back.
+Just ordered a new day planner — why do they run from July-June? — and I really like this style, where I can jot down all my to-dos against a calendar. There’s even a little line where I can write down our dinner plans for the day, which is helpful because — we meal plan like pros over here.
+These colored goblets are so cute for a summer tablescape. Love them in the green or pink.
I’ve been taking Tilly and Hill on long, winding walks through leafy and under-trafficked bits of Central Park the past few days in the baking July sun, and I don’t know if it’s because I was born and raised in swampland, but I find the heat-induced flush and fatigue gratifying–even vaguely medicinal. Perhaps this is because I am considering these leisurely strolls the opening salvo to a more aggressive fitness campaign for which I have been mentally preparing myself in the aftermath of pregnancy.
I miss running. I haven’t run regularly in close to three years, but there was a time where I routinely ran a five mile loop through West Town, Chicago in around 40 or 45 minutes without batting an eye and considered, in a cloying fit of self-veneration, adding “runner” to my social media profiles. (Ick. Thank God I had the self-restraint to deprive myself of such self-adulation.) But — such was my affinity for the pastime.
More than running, I miss my pre-baby body. I know I just gave birth six weeks ago (exactly), but I would like to be able to dip into my summer wardrobe from last year without finding buttons stubbornly refusing to fasten and seams digging into my flesh thankyouverymuch.
I am wont to be bullish and over-zealous with such things. I tend to charge headlong into my goals rather than curtsying elegantly toward them. This is jarringly inconsistent with other realms of my personality, where I consider myself more measured and thoughtful about things. But the number of times Mr. Magpie and my mother have implored me to “take it slowly”? Countless. I never listen to them, and then they sigh and exchange knowing looks when I bemoan the inevitable injury or soreness or ailment. “You pushed it too hard, Jennie.”
Such was the case in the Hamptons, when I determined that a month was sufficient healing time for the c-section and picked mini up more than a handful of times, sprinted after her through the grass, moved my body in ill-advised ways. I paid for it in the days following, when my incision burned with such fury I thought for certain I had torn a few stitches. For two days, I shuffled along, feeling as I had just two weeks after birth.
“You pushed it too hard, Jennie,” thundered my chorus.
So this time. This time! I am determined to demonstrate patience.
On one of my walks this week, ambling along the mall in blithe easement, I lingered over the lyrics of the Lady Antebellum song “American Honey” song, which happened to stroll through my headphones:
She grew up on a side of the road Where the church bells ring and strong love grows She grew up good She grew up slow Like American honey
Steady as a preacher Free as a weed Couldn’t wait to get goin’ But wasn’t quite ready to leave So innocent, pure and sweet American honey
I initially thought of mini, of how satisfying it had been to see her tearing through the yard of our vacation rental, watermelon juice staining her swimsuit, hair a tumbleweed, little feet sooty with dirt. And I revisited some of my hesitations around her current alienation from cricketsong. As I circled back toward home, though, my thoughts roamed in a different direction, into a herd of musings on my recovery and my aspirations to reclaim my pre-baby body. (Reclaim. Now there is a loaded word I’ll need to unpack.) The lyrics reminded me — in spite of the nownownow-ness of contemporary urban life, where “on demand” and “free fast shipping” are the de facto conditions under which we operate —
that slow can be synonymous with good.
And that I might just be staring into the face of one such circumstance.
Cheers to getting back into shape the good and slow way.
+After talking for literally a year about buying or not buying Birkenstocks (I just could not…get my head around them), I wound up buying these waterproof single-buckle slides by the brand. HA. I saw a woman wearing them with a breezy caftan the other day and thought, “Well hm. I kind of like the single buckle style. A little less clunky on the leg.” And then I took mini to the splashpad and, for the millionth time in a row, scolded myself for wearing my Hermes Orans, which really should not be worn in puddles and mud. (Shame on me.) I thought these waterproof slides would be the perfect pair to keep handy in the basket of the stroller. I spent a good three hours (no exaggeration) debating between the white and the coral colors and ended up with the latter because they made me happy. So. That’s my story.
+MAJOR Kissy Kissy sale! I’ve written about how much I love this brand dozens of times. So well-made and the softest cotton. I have actually been really into convertible gowns with micro — I convert them into the gown format at night and it makes those nighttime diaper changes a breeze! — and so I have this in my cart. Also love these cloud-print jammies.
Q: Our son is being married in Beaver Creek, Colorado in August. I have a black crepe jumpsuit for our rehearsal dinner and of course my “day of” dress — however, we are hosting a barbecue on Thursday night and I haven’t a clue what I should wear. Normally I’m pretty good at picking my outfits, but not for this event. I have a short Saloni dress, but think it may be too much. I do NOT want to take ANYTHING away from my future daughter in law. Could you help me? I’m way older than you, but love your taste. I think I prefer something shorter since every other event we attend that weekend will be me dressed in something long.
A: Ooh! Congratulations! I am so flattered you’d check with me. I think Saloni is the right lane — elegant, timeless, but often deftly walking the line between casual and dressy. A couple of other options:
+This floral Veronica Beard. So chic and tasteful — and, as you’ve probably gathered from reading the blog, florals are so major right now.
+Similar, but splurgey: anything from Emilia Wickstead, but especially this dress (swoon) or this one. So Charlotte-York-garden-party-appropriate.
+A tunic dress like this feels punchy and festive but barbecue appropriate if the vibe is a bit more casual than the picks above. I also LOVE her tiered maxi but I know you want to avoid long, and the prints are pretty loud.
+I’m head over heels for all things Banjanan. Such pretty, fun, festive prints! I’ve been eyeing this dress — the ruffled sleeve detailing is on-trend while the rest of the dress is demure.
+For something a bit more sophisticated, this Nicholas dress looks like something Grace Kelly would wear to her son’s wedding festivities. Stunning, understated, chic, flattering. (Also comes in a fun plaid print — on sale!)
+Finally, the loudest of the styles: this floaty jumpsuit. Fashion-forward and in such a fantastic print.
Q: Hamptons recommendations with a baby/toddler — would love to hear what your family has enjoyed in terms of location, how you’ve found week-long rentals (so many seem to be monthly), and any other general recs for a relaxing trip out East!
A: Hi! We had the best time. We found our rental through AirBnB and my biggest tips are to try to book early and to be flexible on location. We ended up with a home north of East Hampton proper — it took us about 10 minutes via car to get into town — but it was totally worth the tradeoff because we spent most of our time in the backyard/at home given all the nursing/breastfeeding and naps we had to navigate around. Since the location was slightly less desirable than being, say, walking distance from E.H. or Sag Harbor, we managed to find a home with an enormous backyard, pool, and access to a private beach! For this season of life, it was the right move. If we were in our 20s, I would have been much happier being walking distance from bars/restaurants. Check out Springs and the neighborhoods that are a bit off the beaten path from Sag Harbor. (I also found it helpful to have a car as home base when we were out and about if I needed to sneak in to nurse my baby or if we just needed to abort mission and get home quickly.)
Honestly, most of mini’s activities were hanging out in the backyard with new lawn toys, swimming in the pool in the backyard, enjoying classic summer treats for the first time in her life (watermelon, popsicles, ice cream sandwiches), and playing at the beach. So — my honest, biggest suggestion is to get a house with a pool and stock your fridge with rose! Ha! We did take her out for smoothies and muffins at Mary’s Marvelous in EH and then let her run around the playground a few blocks away one morning, but in general, if we were out of the house, she was in her stroller. We also went out for coffee at Jack’s Stir Brew in Amagansett and they have a great little grassy knoll behind it where tons of toddlers were playing. (We also picked up sandwiches from Cavaniola’s, right along that grassy knoll, and it was SO GOOD. Strongly recommend both Jack’s for coffee — iced oat milk latte SVP — and Cavaniola’s for cheese/charcuterie and their sandwiches, especially their pate sandwich and their turkey one.) I had really, really wanted to take her berry picking but it just so happened that strawberry season ended on June 30th — the day we arrived — and it was too early to pick raspberries. I had been considering either Hank’s or the Milk Pail. I had also really wanted to take her to Wolffer Vineyard so we could taste wine and she could run around, but we just couldn’t get our acts together for some reason! Ha! We ended up having happy hour at home every night, which was just fine by me. But, something to consider.
One last note: I just came across this company called Hamptons Baby Gear that will rent you cribs, etc. at reasonable prices, and drop them off at your rental! I might consider this next year.
Q: Some of my best friends are finally getting married (they’ve been dating since middle school, so this has been a long time coming) and the wedding is days after Christmas, so I need a really good winter wedding-guest dress. Since the wedding is so close to Christmas, I’d love something I can also wear to midnight mass. It seems simple enough, but my problem is that I feel like my list of requirements is too long and impossible to meet. My dress needs to be semi-formal, modest (I’m thinking tea-length with at least short sleeves), not white/black (the bridal party is wearing black), under $200, and available in a 14 (a lot of dresses don’t go up to a 14 in straight sizes or they start at a 16 in plus sizes, so this gets frustrating). Do you have any recommendations for me? I know it’s really specific, but dressing modestly when you’re 21 and still in college is a lot more difficult than I expected, so I would love to see what you come up with.
A: Hi! I hear you! That sounds super frustrating. My first thought was that my friend Grace of The Stripe might be a good resource — she’s done a lot of work/posts with brands that offer inclusive sizing. So if I come up short, be sure to follow along with her. My second thought was Gal Meets Glam Collection. I know that she offers demure but chic pieces in up to a size 20 — this feels like it’s right in your wheelhouse. Most of her collection is very summery so I might check back once her fall/winter collections are launched, but something like this might be perfect. It reminds me of a Saloni! Pair with dramatic earrings like these. Spendier, but I love the label Rebecca Taylor, and they carry a size 14. This dress in particular is stunning and would meet all your requirements — but oof! Pricey. I am confident it will drop in price at Nordstrom or Bloomingdale if you wait long enough, though probably not below $200. Still, worth tracking. It walks the line between conservative and sexy in the most fetching of ways. Finally, I always love the label Self-Portrait. Their styles are pretty expensive, but this nails the look for under $200 and again looks sophisticated but also youthful and saucy.
I’m going to keep my eye out for you over the next few months as labels start releasing their fall collections. Ted Baker might be a good one to keep an eye on — their dresses tend to be slightly above your target price range, but I am confident you can score one on sale. A curvier friend of mine wore this to an event and looked spectacular in it.
Q: I am stumped in my search for bridal accessories. A few things to give you some context: my dress, my veil, and my shoes. I have no idea what to wear with that neckline because my normal day-to-day is a delicate necklace my fiancee gave me and I’m not sure that is ideal for it.I also don’t know what to do for my “something blue”… Is there a way to make that discreet? I love the tradition of it, but blue is not in my wedding colors.
A: Congratulations and thank you so much for reaching out for my advice! Let me just say that I am literally obsessed with your look — especially your veil. GORGEOUS. For jewelry, I would probably just wear a pair of earrings OR a pendant necklace with coordinating earrings. I think anything else will compete too much with the neckline. I wore a Mikimoto pearl pendant similar to this one and some vintage pearl and diamond earrings that belonged to my grandmother. They looked like they belonged together — a similar look would be chic with your style, in my opinion. You can find amazing pieces at RealReal (like this pair of elegant earrings and OMG THESE — SWOON AND SPLURGE). I love statement jewelry, but I stuck with more traditional, fine jewelry pieces for the wedding day; Even a simple pair of pearl studs would be perfect and timeless.
For something blue: I had a custom “dress tag” with my initials and wedding date stitched in blue sewn into my dress. SUPER discreet. Only I knew it was there! But it made for a pretty detail picture for the photographer, too. You could also have a handkerchief monogrammed/embroidered with something special to keep in your purse or wrap around the base of your bouquet. Both options are $20 or less! Oh, also — I wore a pair of blue Hanky Pankies 🙂
Q: We will be undergoing the Manhattan preschool application process this fall (dun dun dun!) for a 2’s program for my daughter, and I’d love any specific advice you have on navigating this! Your post on finding a Montessori program for your daughter was reassuring – any specific tips on writing the essays, what to expect at interviews etc? We live on UES so will be applying to several nursery schools there (one of which is affiliated with our church so I’m hopeful that will be a good fit). Did you have to do this dreaded post-Labor day call to obtain applications? Luckily more seem to be online these days but a couple on my list still follow the old school protocol. I fluctuate between trying to remain sane about the whole thing and spending irrational amounts of time thinking about what she (and I!!) should wear to interviews/tours!
A: So much to say here! First, there is a lot of hype around the private school application process here in Manhattan. I was intimidated when I discovered that a friend had hired a consultant to help with her son’s application process — and I’d barely gotten started with my own research. I can only speak from my experience, but I think that things are overhyped, so let that reassure you. I think there are a handful of schools — especially on the UES — that are super intense (we did not need to call on a specific day to request an application; meanwhile, I’ve heard of a school that requires all correspondence be done IN WRITING VIA SNAIL MAIL), but I would assume that if you have an affiliation with the church/synagogue attached to one of them, that should help. Second, here are a few scattershot observations and thoughts. Take them or leave them, as I am certainly no expert:
1) I would start by figuring out two elements: geographical requirements and preferences around school philosophy. Is it more important for your child to attend a school that you can walk to / is in your neighborhood, or is there a specific learning philosophy you favor? I really struggled with this one. I think of myself as a fairly pragmatic (?) person and so a part of me said: “Oh Jen. She’s two. This isn’t college. Pick a local pre-school that you can walk to — something a few blocks away.” But the other part of me knew that I’d always wanted to send her to a Montessori because my mother was a Montessori school teacher, I attended Montessori, every niece and nephew has, and I firmly agree with their approach. At the end of the day, I decided the philosophy was more important and that I’d be willing to commute with mini every day (we’ll need to take a subway to get to her school — no line-switching, but still!) If I am honest, this decision was also in part informed by the fact that I’d like to send mini to a private, preferably Catholic, grade school, and I knew that sending her to a well-regarded twos program would help with that step — should we still live here in Manhattan when the time comes. (I don’t want to be disingenuous and pretend that I’m not aware of the fact that certain schools feed into other schools! After all, though the process felt overhyped for us — it still felt very competitive and decently serious.)
2) Maybe you will be lucky and find a school that is both easy to get to AND in line with your preferred methodologies, but regardless, I would then spend time boning up on the school(s) you’ve narrowed in on and their philosophy (ies). This is primarily important because you don’t want to be surprised by something that feels weird to you down the road. I found a couple of schools whose messaging felt strange to me as I poked around their websites and read reviews online — as if they were trying to advance a social agenda or something? I won’t go into details, but some of it just felt a bit much for two and three year olds. It’s also important because I think that if you can articulate why you want to send your child to a particular school using their own lingua franca, everything will go much more smoothly. I remember seeing a few parents at the Montessori open house night express intense confusion over the model. “But…wait, there aren’t any lessons like where the teacher is at a blackboard?” and “So kids are just doing whatever they want to do all day?” These were misinterpretations of the Montessori model and their earnest questions revealed that these parents didn’t understand the approach — not that it was a bad thing at that stage (that’s what open houses are for!), but it occurred to me that I was in a much better position to articulate why we wanted to send mini to this school in particular, and it wasn’t just because the school was proximal to our home or that it was where so-and-so’s child went.
3) The essays and interviews were straight-forward. I think they are intended to make sure you aren’t going to be problem parents, i.e., aren’t going to fight them at every turn over their approach, and aren’t way overselling your child (“my son was reading by age 1”), which is likely a red flag. My sister (a first grade teacher / reading specialist) underscored this point when we discussed the applications. “Just don’t exaggerate or lie — share your observations simply and go from there.” My sense after going through the process is that the schools want engaged, thoughtful parents who will support the teachers and staff. The questions are general, i.e., “Describe your child” and “Why do you think she’d be a good fit for this school?” We tried not to overthink it, but provided specific examples that demonstrated “Montessori values,” i.e., independence, inquisitiveness, focus, etc. I recall talking about how mini enjoyed stacking/organizing things, the fact that we attempted to include her in daily household chores like folding laundry and setting the table (big lessons in Montessori), and some notes on how she liked to learn (she tends to hang back and observe at first, and then, once she’s given plenty of verbal reassurance, dive in with both feet). I thought these demonstrated that we’d be a good fit for the program and that we were attentive to her educational style.
4) Finally. I hear you on wanting to remain sane — it’s easy to get swept away and suddenly pre-school applications feel like the most important thing on your plate, which we can all assure one another THEY ARE NOT. But a friend said something interesting to me. I was walking that fine line — rolling my eyes while also anxiously discussing my options, and she said: “You know what, Jen? If you’re in it, be in it. If you want her to get into this school, go for it. Don’t spend half your time explaining why this application process is crazy. Just do it and own it.” It was liberating. From then on, I went all in and shut up about how weird the process was. I took every step seriously, talked at length with my mother, sister and a few trusted confidantes who appreciated what we were trying to do without making us feel like we’d jumped into the loony bin, and otherwise attempted to avoid discussing/fretting/overthinking.
Not sure if that helps! Obviously can write a lot on this topic…
Q: I’d like to buy my husband a weekend bag. Suggestions?
A: I’d look at the one by Paravel (love love love — and can be personalized) or the one by Filson. (Mr. Magpie uses their briefcase — incidentally, a really good gift for a loved one. They never think they need it and then they use it every day.)
