In case December has gotten away from you, or — as happens to me, much to my chagrin — you realize you forgot to buy a gift for someone who suddenly drops by with a thoughtful parcel for you, leaving you scrambling to return the kindness, behold: a series of items that are all available with fast, free shipping via Amazon Prime.
CHILL PILL BATH BOMBS. How amazing are these? Love the packaging. Perfect gift for a bath-loving friend. I am a huge lover of all things Ouai.
JBL SHOWER SPEAKER. I did not know these existed until a reader wrote in about this maybe a year ago, and I have been daydreaming about one since, as I routinely listen to my favorite podcast while in the shower. I ordered this for one of my girlfriends who loves to listen to “getting ready music” while primping for a night on the town.
TRAVEL PILLOW. For frequent travelers or friends about to embark on a journey. I’ve had friends rave about this particular one!
OROLAY COAT. In case you procrastinated too long on a gift for your beloved sister or trend-loving mother. This is dubbed “the Upper East Side Mom coat” because of its rampant popularity here in Manhattan.
VEERE GRENNEY BOOK. For your style-conscious friend with an impeccably decorated home.
QI WIRELESS CHARGER. We have several of these at home and I have given them as gifts to several people as well. They are so handy. Great for White Elephant exchanges, college-aged nieces and nephews whom you barely know, difficult-to-shop-for fathers and uncles…
DESIGN WORKS HOLIDAY CARDS. Just in case you forgot to order personalized Christmas cards and are kicking yourself now. This is a boxed set but the designs are sophisticated, and I love the contrasting liners. I adore the skiiers!
FABER CASTELL CRAYONS AND DOODLE PAD. For the daughter or son of so-and-so whom you hardly know. What child doesn’t love to draw? And something about the packaging of this set feels sophisticated.
CORK PLACEMATS. I own these and use them heavily. Such an elegant way to set the table (and easy to wipe down!) Very helpful for toddler dining…
FIVE MINUTE JOURNAL. A foolproof present for nearly any hard-working, thoughtful lady or gent in your life.
Finally, a smattering of little things — stocking stuffers/hostess gifts/small tokens of gratitude for people that make you life easier, like the building handyman, a barista you love and see daily, etc. Just wrap them up in cellophane with a big satin bow!
PALOMINO BLACKWING PENCILS OR MUJI PENS (OR THESE, IF THE RECIPIENT IS ON THE KITSCHY SIDE) FOR SOMEONE IN A CREATIVE/ARTISTIC SPACE (OR WHO JUST HAS EXCELLENT WRITING)
I lived in Chicago for five years, where it routinely snows between the months of October and April, and there was one year that I landed at O’Hare on May 31st and it was flurrying and I thought, “Why do we choose to live here again?”
Native Chicagoans are unphased by the weather; it’s transplants like myself that make a lot of noise about things. During one of the Polar Vortex years, wind chills got down to -35 degrees and then — and only then — did the schools close. Otherwise, it’s not uncommon to see small children braving sub-zero temperatures on any given morning in the dead of winter.
Chicago taught me that, in the words of Scandinavian mom Linda McGurk, “There’s no such thing as bad weather.” There is, however, bad or inappropriate clothing for the weather. Below, sharing my favorite cold weather finds for myself and for my children:
*These are like the Mack Trucks of snowboots. They are heavy (literally you need to flex to lift your legs), ultra-thick, and impermeable.
**Mine is red and 100% worth the splurge. This is one ubiquitous style that I have no shame or concern wearing alongside the rest of Manhattan — it’s a fantastic coat. Ultra warm, waterproof, and beautifully made. I liked mine so much I bought one for Mr. Magpie — the Langford style, which I felt was the most masculine of the options. His is in the army green color.
***My MIL turned me onto liner gloves as a way to actually stay warm when wearing nicer (leather) gloves, which aren’t great at keeping fingers toasty in super-cold weather. These help and you don’t need to remove them when checking your phone.
Does anyone remember the concept of “a going-out top” from college? Does the notion still exist for pretty young things today? I, for one, spent way too much hard-earned money on spaghetti-strapped, silky camisoles between the years of 2002-2006, and that’s all I have to say about that.
Still, the concept resonates today — the desire for a top with a little something extra, a little pep in its step — for evenings out. Below, a few incredible pieces (many at exceptional sale prices!) to contemplate for your next night out:
Elevated Basics…
Perfect picks for when you want to look fashion-conscious but not over-the-top.
ANYTHING BY BROCK COLLECTION IF YOU’RE ON THE LADYLIKE SIDE OF THINGS — LOVE THIS AND THIS
P.S.
By: Jen Shoop
My Latest Snag: All Things Christmas.
I have been squarely focused on (last-minute!) Christmas shopping this past week. I had ordered virtually no gifts prior and it suddenly dawned on me that Christmas is only two weeks away! I was distraught to discover that several of the gifts I’d been planning to purchase for my children had sold out, but was able to track down most of them in other boutiques. Below, because they are too young to read, sharing some of the gifts I’ve purchased for them this year. (I’ll do a run-down of what I purchased for others/adults in a follow-on post, after Christmas, as many of my loved ones read this blog, but there are some major hints here!)
The other weekend, we took the children to see the Richard Scarry exhibit at the New York Historical Society. At one of the tracks, the train started and stopped without notice — much to the delight of mini and a little pod of toddlers who began to cluster around her. When the train suddenly accelerated, mini turned to the little boy next to her and shrieked: “It started! It started!” This recurred each and every stall and start, and to the same little boy, who would squeal with glee alongside her.
It was a sweet moment to take in — and it startled me, too. When did mini transform into a social being? Montessori has a lot to do with it and I’ve observed her evolution during her playdates over the past year, too, from parallel play to turn-taking to imaginative play. But the fact that she had sought out companionship in her excitement moved me and reminded me of the deep satisfaction I find when I share something I love with someone else. Even something small — say, potential gifts for children on our Christmas shopping list. I usually delight in the recon and then present my top findings to Mr. Magpie, who up- or down-votes the entries as he sees fit. There is something deeply gratifying about watching Mr. Magpie’s face light up at the prospect of a particularly good present, and I can’t explain it other than to say that excitement is a bicycle built for two.
Do you host dinner parties? Mr. Magpie and I love having friends over for dinner and though they happen less frequently than we’d care during this busy season of life, we’ve maintained our tradition by hosting at least one dinner party a season.
Mr. Magpie and I tend to pull out all the stops and overcomplicate things when hosting — to the point that it’s not uncommon for us to look at one another at some point the day-of and say, “Um, we may have bitten off more than we could chew here…” Somehow, we always get to the finish-line, and when we’re really frenzied, we open a bottle of wine and remind ourselves to enjoy the ride.
Two of our favorite complicated winter menus:
SPANISH FEAST
PAN CON TOMATE WITH OLIVE-OIL-DRENCHED ANCHOVIES ON TOP
CHICKEN AND MUSHROOM PAELLA WITH HOMEMADE AIOLI*
FRISEE SALAD WITH BLOOD ORANGE WEDGES AND MARCONA ALMONDS
*We use a recipe from a Jose Andres cookbook we own, which is posted online with some adaptation here. We’ll swap in whatever green vegetable looks good at the market — asparagus, peas, etc.
I like to serve this menu with cava (a current favorite is Castellroig — see if your local wine shop carries it; it is $14, dry as a bone, and deliciously effervescent; I also love Avinyo and Raventos i Blanc, which are pricier and a bit more refined) and a rioja.
The above is a great option if you have guests with gluten intolerances. You can swap out the pan con tomate for a starter of charcuterie and cheese and omit the pistachio cookies.
INDULGENTITALIAN SUPPER
CACIO E PEPE WITH HOMEMADE PASTA
CAST-IRON SKILLET RIBEYE STEAK SERVED OVER VINEGARY WINTER LENTILS
BIBB LETTUCE SALAD WITH VINAIGRETTE AND SHALLOT
TIRAMISU
The above is truly an all-weekend affair, as the lentils need to be cooked low and slow (can be made in advance though) with aromatics and homemade broth, and handmade pasta is always kind of a pain in the butt (though absolutely delicious and worth it). Of course, tiramisu is an intensive proposition no matter what, though I do like that it can be made ahead and left in the fridge to improve. We have presented variations on this menu a few times to different guests and it is always a shop-stopper. For some reason eating the salad as a third, separate course is always cause for extensive conversation (it’s an interesting, refreshing way to end a meal — very Italian!) and of course who doesn’t love homemade egg noodles in dressed with butter, cheese, and tons of pepper?! I recently had dinner at my cousin’s and she served the bitter digestif amaro at the end of dinner, alongside dessert, and I thought it was absolutely the most delightful way to finish the meal. I’d add amaro to the above lineup for an outstanding (indulgent!) evening.
And now, an elegant dinner party menu that is decidedly less involved but equally delicious. I love this menu because almost all of it can be handled ahead of time so you’re not fussing in the kitchen at the last minute while guests are waiting. (The two menus above require a lot of last-minute work, so we will only use them when entertaining closer friends who won’t mind the interruption / who might enjoy perching in the kitchen with us while we finish cooking.)
*I made this for guests the other night and it was a big hit. It’s a throwback-type dish (I’m sure my mom made this in the 80s) but absolutely delightful. We buy our smoked salmon from Barney Greengrass, an Upper West Side institution. Must be served with club crackers. No exceptions.
**Note that you brine the pork for several days in advance, and then just pop it in the oven. So easy and shockingly well-flavored despite the simple preparation — just takes some advanced planning.
***The recipe as written makes enough for a football team. Scale ingredients accordingly. I made it for a party of ten for Easter one year and we had leftovers for days. It also took several friends’ involvement to peel all the potatoes — you’ve been warned! Budget enough time to do this in advance. But! This is the kind of dish you could make in the morning/early afternoon and then pop back in the oven to reheat just before dinner without an issue.
****Also something you could make on the stovetop in advance and reheat before eating.
What are your go-to dinner party recipes?
Post Scripts.
+Mr. Magpie recently received this well-reviewed cookbook from my sister and it’s been a huge source of inspiration for him. He recently made an outrageously delicious beet, pistachio, and horseradish creme dish that I have been dreaming of since. (UPDATE: Mr. Magpie has corrected me and let me know the beet recipe is actually a Kenji Lopez-Alt recipe found here.)
+Have we already discussed the fact that these are the best food storage containers, ever? They do not warp or crack, do not develop that weird cloudiness that plastic tupperware does, can be placed in the microwave and dishwasher, do not leak, and are easy to stack. Legit perfection.
+I often walk by a Jacadi on the UWS that has this sweet scalloped puffer coat in the window. I think it must be mini’s for next winter.
+We have had TWO separate friends come by, admire our living room sconces, and buy the exact same ones for their homes. (Currently on sale — we have the antique brass ones.)
I finished Elizabeth Strout’s Olive, Again last week and had mixed feelings. The characters are robust and stirringly drawn, and Strout has a remarkable knack for conjuring space in seemingly sparse prose. There are scenes in the book where the dimensions or ambiance or overall spatial feel of the settings stand out nearly as clearly as the conversation or plot points that took place in them. The specificity of the setting afford a sense of hyper-realism that occasionally leave me feeling as though Olive actually exists — a character in her own right, living in the world, free of the artist’s hand. At the same time, some of the book felt overdrawn, overmanipulated — especially the tenuous, deus-ex-machina-type linkages between characters/stories in the book and some of Olive’s interactions with others. (For example, her negotiations with Halima Butterfly and Betty felt tokenized and cloyingly Pollyanna/simplistic in an otherwise complex novel.)
I left the book feeling similar to how I felt after reading the first novel, Olive Kitteridge: impressed, not entirely unhappy I’d passed my time with it, but also unsure of what I’d gained in its reading. The books are unremittingly gloomy in their insistence upon the fundamental loneliness of the human condition. All of these characters, trudging along their own plot-lines, feeling alienated in their heartache and travail. And yet! They are not truly alone. There are others experiencing parallel heartache and travail — estranged parents, divorcees, people in search of escape, people trapped in relationships — and if they could only just peep over the fence, they’d realize how un-alone they are. This fundamental irony throbs — painfully — throughout the entire novel: you are not alone, but you feel alone. Strout does offer us some light at the end of the tunnel, as there are meaningful relationships developed, some redemptions, and many scenes in which we realize how sensitive and malleable humans are and therefore how important our interactions are with one another.
There was one line in the book that stopped me dead in my tracks:
“For Betty to have carried in her heart this love for Jerry Skyler, what did that mean? It was to be taken seriously, Olive saw this. All love was to be taken seriously.”
The movie Love, Actually achieves a similar revelation, and it is a beautiful and important one that bears noting. In Strout’s hands, we understand that there are many permutations of love in the world — some unrequited, some quiet and unremarked, others complex and decades-long — but all of them bear deep significance. All love is non-trivial, no matter how frivolous it may seem.
What did you think? And what are you reading?
I’m still working to finish Homegoing, which is beautiful but slow-going and the proliferation of storylines is equal parts staggeringly impressive and overwhelming from a readership standpoint, especially when read in little draughts as I’ve been doing.
+Ulla has my number this season — I love this loose-knit sweater. It was at one point available in a dress form that was ABSOLUTELY stunning but has since sold out everywhere. Why didn’t I jump when I had the chance?
+Also bought Mr. Magpie a few pairs of Sperry boat shoes — he goes through at least a pair or two every year (!) — and they are currently marked down to almost 50% off.
A few items I’m currently lusting after, starting with the stunning bow-adorned boxwood wreaths above from Fig and Dove! Click on images below to be taken to details or see notes after.
+Micro just outgrew his Polarn O. Pyret snowsuit and I’m ordering him this one in his current size. These are simply the best-made suits for inclement weather. Word to the wise: this brand runs big (specifically, long). Micro is very tall for his age and still he just now outgrew a size 2-4 month snowsuit. For context, he is six months old and usually wearing 9-12 months these days!
+We finally find our tree-topper this year, from the incredible home goods store ABC Home here in New York. I absolutely love this dramatic star, which looks vaguely like a halo in a Medieval Christian painting to me. It looks startlingly statuesque, but is made of something like paper mache so super light!
+Swooning over Hill House Home’s new baby collection. Hill has sadly outgrown the sizing for nearly everything they have, but I might gift one of their darling sets to a new mom in the coming months. (More gifts for new babies / new moms here.)
My boy is six months old and twenty-eight inches long and nineteen pounds and his pediatrician said, while motioning to my five-foot-nothing frame: “No one will ever believe this boy is yours.”
I looked down at him, dimpled thighs and rubberband wrists and four or five chins, and did a double take. How have we gotten here, so far from that scrawny little parcel with two slow-blinking eyes and a tentative bird-like mouth that he pressed to my cheek just minutes after being born in what felt like a hundred tiny, perfect kisses? I remember staring up at the ceiling of the operating room with tears streaming down my face, right into his little chick mouth, feeling increasingly uncomfortable from the awkward angle of my arm, which was hungrily clutching his seven-pound body to my face during the second half of the surgery, but I remained recalcitrantly unwilling to so much as shift a finger. I needed him there, his little form ensconced in my embrace. Don’t move an inch, I remember thinking. Just stay like this. Breathe in and out. He is here / he is mine / he is here / he is mine. Oh!!!
For the past many months, when he was ready for a nap, I would zip him into his sleepsack and rock him for a few minutes in his narrow nursery before depositing him into his crib, where he would drowsily flail around while I shook his legs back and forth, until the motion settled him and his eyes closed and I would tiptoe out of the room, often hurtling right into the next chore or task on my mind. I was always grateful for that second step in our put-down routine because my arms were routinely aching under the burden of his weight by the time the rocking portion was done.
But on or around Thanksgiving, at every nap, he would arch his back and fuss until I’d put him in his crib, on his stomach — suddenly and without warning his preferred sleeping position.
Oh, motherhood is an exquisite kind of pain.
Would you believe that I cried on Thanksgiving night when I placed him in his crib, on his tummy, cowing to his determination on this front, reluctantly adopting this unwelcome new routine? That I stared down at his form in wonderment and anguish, grieving the hundreds of mornings, noons, and nights I had passed rocking him in my arms, shuffling around that tiny nursery in what — in retrospect — appears to have been a continuous mother-son embrace punctuated only briefly by two-hour periods of alertness and separation?
I wiped the tears off my cheeks and attempted to channel my dad: “Keep moving forward. Don’t look back.” My boy is strong and healthy and in many ways having him on the other side of six months should be a cue for tears of relief. We are through the sleeplessness, the precariousness, the newborn anxieties. I have several friends with just-born infants and when I check in with them via text, I am chastened by their exhaustion-riddled musings and concerns and frustrations because their experiences are familiar to me but the sharpness of their contours has eroded. And I have to remind myself that being out of that haze is a blessing, too, especially because I promised myself I would never forget what it felt like.
But — how can I not feel robbed?
My boy, grown too long and too large to enjoy being cradled in my too-small arms.
Time is a burglar–a practiced one. It will steal the tiniest of tendernesses right out from underneath you. It works surreptitiously, under the cover of distraction, so that one random Thursday you might zip up the sleepsack and go to nestle your baby into the crook of your arm only to be caught by surprise, the comfort of your routine filched at some indiscriminate point between 2 and 4 p.m. that afternoon.
+Some of the fresh heartache that went into writing this post was elicited by the recent packing and stowing of many of Hill’s baby clothes. I am weepy at the sight of this bunny suit, which he barely wore at all, but which I purchased for him while massively pregnant and massively uncomfortable. Oh!
Had to quickly dash off a note to let you know that Shopbop’s sale is on sale for 25% off. The perfect time to score my Rotate dress for only $130! (Good things come to those who wait…)
SNAKESKIN BOOTS (LOOK A LOT LIKE THE CULT FAVORITE BRAND PARIS TEXAS)
P.P.P.S. Still such a great activity to occupy mini at Church, in cars, at restaurants…quiet, compact, reusable, and did I mention it costs $5!?
By: Jen Shoop
Just spent some time this weekend trying on holiday outfits, and here are a few of the looks I’m planning on wearing:
THESE TROUSERS WITH AN EMBELLISHED KNIT TANK OR THIS DARLING SWEATER I JUST SNAGGED IN BLACK AND A PAIR OF OVERSIZED VINTAGE CRYSTAL CLIP-ONS FROM MY GRANDMOTHER SIMILAR TO THESE
P.P.P.S. Giving several 2-3 year old girls this gift this year for Christmas. Mini is in love with these things.
By: Jen Shoop
My Latest Snag: The Best Laundry Detergent.
Magpies: what is your favorite laundry detergent? I used Mrs. Meyers for years, and then more recently tested Puracy (I love their other products) and I feel that neither leaves clothing clean enough, especially when it comes to stain-riddled toddler wear. The Laundress detergent is lovely (I adore and continue to buy their baby detergent for micro — it scents clothes beautifully, washes them thoroughly, but does not fade or in any way deteriorate the quality of the fabric) but a bit pricey for the vats of laundry we go through in a given week. The Wirecutter recommended Tide Ultra Stain Release FREE, so I’m giving that a whirl next.
I tuned into Kacey Musgraves’ Christmas special on Amazon Prime earlier this week and found it delightfully kitschy, often overdone to the point of cloyingly cheesy, and determinedly escapist. My first reaction was that it felt out of sync with the times, devoted as our generation tends to be to authenticity and “realness.” In fact, I was just thinking the other day, as I started watching the wildly popular show Succession, how many modern narratives focus on the fact that no one is all the way good or all the way bad. How many contemporary films and novels have investigated the villain or constructed “anti-heroes” or unlikely heroes or heroes with backstories, flaws, addictions? And here we have Kacey parading around in elaborate, Barbie-like outfits, skin botoxed within an inch of her life and hair so straight and shiny it could be a wig, telling us “You shake me up and turn me upside down // Just like a snow globe.”
And yet.
There is something intriguingly, appealingly self-aware about her that does fit with the times. Her set, her instrumentation, her glitzy costumery, her loony skits, even her semi-wooden dancing all call attention to her performativity.
“Here I am, performing my gender! Performing my music genre! Performing my class! Performing, performing, performing!” It’s not ironic, but almost? Because though she seems to be enjoying herself, there is still a discernible distance she establishes between herself and the bubblegum lyrics she’s singing.
This is not a vibe I get watching other pop stars — for example, when I watch Katy Perry perform “Firework” or Selena Gomez perform “Look At Her Now,” I feel as though they believe the words they are singing and there is an earnestness to the presentation.
In short, you can’t watch Kacey without noting the manufacturing of the performance, and that self-awareness leaves space to contemplate the blurry line between artifice and reality.
Where does the performance end and Kacey begin?
Post-Scripts: Holiday Napkins and Discounted Flats.
+A fun add-on to a holiday bottle-of-wine when visiting with friends.
Q: I’d love your product recommendations on a toddler backpack. I’m sending my 2-year-old daughter to part-time care early next year. A big milestone for her and me, as she’s never been in group care. My “wish list” features are wipeable fabric/material, elastic side pockets for a water bottle, and simpler designs.I’m not too keen on monogramming, so this is not a requirement for me, as I’ll most likely use a hanging bag tag instead.
Q: Kitchen towel solutions/recommendations! Absorbency and functionality necessary.
A: I find these pantry towels from W-S to be the absolute best. They are far more absorbent than the more attractive striped towels W-S is known for and I like that one side is “nubby” and the other side “smooth” — the textured side is great for drying glassware, dishes, etc. I also have and love this inexpensive microfiber drying mat when I need a spot to place pots/pans while air-drying. Super thick and absorbent. I own it in the marble pattern.
Q: Are you asking for any books for Christmas?
A: Truthfully, we treat books like paper towels or toothpaste in this house — i.e., a utility that we buy as we go rather than a special treat, so it never dawns on me to add books to my Christmas list. I will say that the next books on my lust-list are the new Shari LaPena for a little brain vacation and Rachel Cusk’s Outline, which looks artful and important. I would also love to add this coffee table book to my collection.
Q: Your approach to sentimentality vs. Marie Kondo? Was this a struggle in your move?
A: This is always tough for me. I find that if I linger too long on any one item or spend more than, say, an hour sorting items, I want to keep everything. I have found it helpful to set a timer for sixty minutes and organize items in one specific area of the house — i.e., one closet or one dresser or one cabinet — and create three piles: trash, keep, donate/sell. It’s the most effective way for me to prevent myself from hoarding…
Q: You mentioned staying organized in your drawers — how do you do it?
A: These little bins are my lifesaver. They help me keep my bedside tidy, i.e., pens in one, hair ties in another, loose jewelry I need to ultimately return to their bags in another, etc. The same goes for my desk drawer and medicine cabinets and “miscellaneous” cabinets in the pantry/kitchen. Using these forces me to place things in their correct spot. And if something doesn’t fit in one? I am compelled to find its rightful home.
I will also say that more recently I have been repeating a new mantra: “Do things to completion.” I find sometimes I’m sprinting around, trying to manage a thousand things at once, and I will — for example — just move my ironing board out of the way so I can get to my dresser drawer rather than taking the thirty seconds to collapse the board and return it to the closet. It’s a really small change but it’s made me feel much more serene and — how to say it? — in control? The same ethos applies to drawer organization. If I’m tossing something into a drawer just so it’s “out of sight, out of mind,” I will tell myself: “No, do this to completion” and take a minute out of my day to put it in its rightful place.
Of course, this is aspirational — I’m guilty of shoving things in the closet when guests are about to arrive!
Q: Can you share about the switch from Truth Serum to Vintner’s Daughter?
A: Yes — thanks for asking this because I know I’ve raved about both in turn. And I still find both to be exceptional products. Though I was thrilled with the Truth Serum, I had read so much about Vintner’s Daughter that I wanted to test it out after I finished my bottle of TS and haven’t gone back since. Here’s my analysis: Truth Serum is a gel that dissolves into your skin and “turns on the lights” when applied. I love the immediate effect — my skin looks bright, happy, and awake. I also went through about a bottle every other month (yikes) and was shocked to see how quickly it went. Vintner’s Daughter, on the other hand, is a deeply-scented, rich oil. I place a drop right on my forehead and on each cheek and then pat/massage into my skin in the morning. It almost has the consistency of olive oil but dries pretty quickly (i.e., it doesn’t leave an oily residue). I feel my skin looks more deeply hydrated and elastic from the inside out consistently, i.e., even hours and hours after application. In short, Truth Serum is sort of like an immediate light switch turns on and Vintner’s Daughter is more like a candle burning from the inside — all the time, 24-hours-a-day.
Q: Do you tailor many items you purchase? Or just wear dresses and tops the fit and length they are?
A: Yes! I have to have all maxi dresses and pants tailored because I’m a shrimp — 5’0 — and I often have to have straps shortened and waists taken in. However, I’m not always inclined to tailor a midi or knee-length dress; sometimes I like the way a dress looks hitting me at the ankle even though it is meant to be worn at mid-calf.
Tailoring costs a freaking fortune in New York. It’s not uncommon for me to spend $60 or $80 tailoring a single garment (ughhh) — so I always factor that in when contemplating price.
If an article of clothing is under $100 and doesn’t fit correctly, I usually return it, because the cost of having it tailored will almost double its purchase price!
Q: What are the best hostess gifts for sweet friends hosting a baby shower?
A: So sweet of your friends, and congratulations to YOU! A few ideas:
FROZEN CROISSANTS (FOR THE HOSTESS TO ENJOY THE DAY AFTER THE FESTIVITIES)
Q: Navigating parenting philosophies! What has been your journey?
A: I am too impressionable when it comes to reading parenting philosophies. I read something and think, “Oh GOD! I’ve missed the boat!” My approach has instead been to trust my instincts, confer with Mr. Magpie regularly (we have nightly download sessions* about the various things that have come up throughout the day as parents — “I put her in time out for this…what do you think?”), and to call my mother, my sister, or my friend Steph for everything else. I have avoided parenting material because I know that I will read it with eyes wide open and then fret. Even now, with mini in Montessori, we attend various parent education nights that they put on and I will scurry home, my mind filled with ideas and my heart sinking at all the things we’ve not yet done — and then Mr. Magpie and I have to sit down and choose to either adopt or discard the recommendations after thoughtful conversation. Essentially, we need to re-center and remind ourselves to filter all suggestions through our own experience and instincts, and the powerful prism of reality/common sense.
HUGE, ENORMOUS caveat: some of the moms I most respect and trust are prolific readers/investigators of various parenting philosophies, so the foregoing should not stand as any kind of indication that I think I know what I’m doing more than anyone else. I decidedly do not. (This, coming earnestly from a mother who spent no less than sixty minutes this evening attempting to get her nearly-three-year-old into pajamas. There were tears. There were time outs. There were flailing legs being forced into pajamas. There was an accident smack dab in the middle. And at the end of it, a puffy-faced toddler asked me: “Are you dis’pointed at me?” And I wanted to die or sob or something and instead just reassured her that though I had been disappointed at her, I loved her, and that we could move on. OY VEY. WHAT IS HAPPENING. EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH. I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING.)
But I do know myself well enough to understand that I am at my best and most comfortable when I am responding organically via my own intuition and the principles Mr. Magpie and I share. I feel disempowered when I feel as though other voices are speaking in my ear.
So that’s my unsatisfying response to that.
*We call these download sessions “STPs” or “Shoop Talking Points” (ha!) and we run down a list of items that came up throughout the day that need the other’s input — everything from coordinating our social schedules to booking travel plans to purchasing wine to planning dinners — and there are always multiple items pertaining to the children. This gives me the space to share what’s happened and solicit his feedback, and I think this has ultimately given us a platform to craft our own shared philosophy, though I haven’t the faintest idea how to corral it into something legible.
Q: Gifts for the guy that has it all (literally)!
A: I hear you — Mr. Magpie falls into this category. I shared a list of my favorite gifts for men here. If nothing fits the bill, what about an experience? If you are local to NY, you might consider The Magician at the NoMad (super fun) or Hack The Met. Elsewhere — a membership to a local museum or a special restaurant experience (i.e., sit at the chef’s table). Finally, food gifts tend to go a long way with the men in my family. My Dad loved his Jeni’s Ice Cream order, and we’ve gifted Alaskan King Crab Legs, MilkBar cakes, and Callie’s Biscuits to other, very pleased recipients.
Q: Dress ideas for a mother for christening in January.
A: Congratulations!!! I’d reach for a tweed dress like this (look for less with this) and pair it with a pearl headband and black pumps. I also like this dress with pearl accessories — ladylike and timeless. Though I tend to like to wear white for a christening, I realize that’s not for everyone, especially with January as the backdrop, so I also love this LBD and this polka dot shirtdress as alternatives.
Q: Potty training advice?
A: Oh, joy! I would say timing is everything — avoid starting just before or after other huge life events (we did not heed this and suffered the consequences), make sure your child seems ready (is interested and aware), and make sure YOU are ready as parents in the sense that you are on the same page with your spouse, you don’t have any major trips coming up, and you have thought about this enough to feel it’s time. (Don’t let other people’s children dictate your timeline!!! i.e., Jane is doing it, so should I! Trust me that most parents probably wish they’d waited even longer to start…) A big part of that parental readiness is accepting that it’s going to be a messy and exhausting time. It’s not so much the grossness of cleaning up (though this gets old), but the slow emotional fray of cajoling your child onto the toilet every two hours only to be met with resistance — for weeks, in our case. I would also pick and choose from the various approaches out there what makes most sense for you. For example, we never used pull-ups during the day but did at night (people have differing opinions on this). And we did not start by rewarding her extrinsically (our school advised against this), but quickly found that we had better outcomes when we gave her a chocolate chip after a successful trip. (Other parents use charts/M&Ms from day 1.) Further, we never used a “potty” and instead just put one of these rings on our toilet. Our reasoning was that it would be an extra step to train her to use a full-sized toilet when the time came. (And also, one less thing to clean. That said, when we were in the weeds, I ordered a potty that we then never even took out of the box.) And though many parents told us that if things don’t “click” within the first three days, to stop and try again in a few months — we persisted, and finally things did click at day six. (Yes, six days of accidents later. Our nanny thought I had gone insane.) We felt it would be too confusing for mini if we went back. But maybe that approach works for other parents/children!
In short, I would suggest picking what resonates best with you and what seems most practical for your circumstances. Anyone that says toilet training via xyz method is foolproof…well, take with a big grain of salt. A Magpie reader recently wrote: “Humans have been to the moon and understand quantum physics. If there was one ‘foolproof’ way to get all babies to sleep we would know about it and it would work.” I feel the same way about most things parenting-related, including toileting.
Finally, maybe consider removing the rug from your living/playroom area. I’m serious. I wish we’d done this…
Oh, and order yourself a nice case of wine for the duration. HA!
P.S. I had a lot of people recommend these thick Hannah Andersson training underwear and, like all Hannah products, they are well-made. However, if your child has an accident, even a thick pair of underwear is not going to help that much, and in retrospect I’m not sure $50 for 5 pairs of underwear was a great investment, especially when you are probably going to end up throwing out at least one or two pairs of them. We ended up buying tons of additional, inexpensive pairs on Amazon to supplement.
P.P.S. I have always found books helpful with transitions like these — in this case, this book was exceptional at helping to reinforce the idea of waiting during the first week or two when mini don’t quite get how to time things. Mini also really reacted strongly (favorably!) to this book and this one. We kept them all in a bin by the toilet for her.
P.P.P.S. OK LAST THING. I guess I do have a lot of thoughts on this. Can you tell we just got through it!? This portable/collapsible toilet ring is GENIUS. It was so helpful for us when we were just getting mini used to using toilets in public.
Q: How do you do your New Year’s Resolutions? Looking to plan ahead this year.
A: I’ve done this differently from year to year. One year, I focused on a single, aspirational attribute: gentleness. I intended to be gentle in my interactions with everyone around me, including myself. The problem was that it was difficult to measure success, but still — it did set the tone for the year and gave me a kind of aspirational touchstone to return to. Other years, I have written a more traditional tick list of specific goals, which is a solid approach in that you can then return to them every month to evaluate what progress you’ve made. (In years past, I’ve added recurring calendar invites to check in with myself.) Last year, I just set one big goal for myself, and I think I’ll do the same this year. I find simplicity is easier with these things.
Q: How many clothes did you buy in different age groups (NB, 0-3, etc.) for your children?
A: I would try to have about a week’s worth of outfits on hand for each age, plus some spare basics like footies and onesies and leggings because you will need to keep some of those in your diaper bag / at arm’s length for your occasional blowout/mess. Then add a few special occasion outfits as your calendar demands (i.e., birthday, special occasion, christening, holiday). I really try hard to make a lot of Hill’s bottoms/tops interchangeable so I can keep him looking fresh — ha!
I would underbuy in the NB category because sometimes babies enter the world wearing a size 0-3, or you can make do with a slightly bigger size when they are itty bitty. Neither of my children have worn a size NB for more than two weeks, I think…
I wrote a little bit about some of the wardrobe basics I buy at every age for my children here.
Q: Woud you ever write a book?
A: This is a long-term goal of mine…maybe one day! A shared a little about this aspiration here.
Q: Looking for an Audrey Hepburn look — cigarette pants, blouse, black flats. Suggestions?
