Twenty two days of quarantine under our belts — ooooof.
Really fishing around for the slices of joy right about now — and you?
The above picture captures a bit of the isolation that defines this chapter in our lives: empty chairs, knees hugged to our chests, the suggestion of wait — though what would I give to be passing more of this time outside, beneath the umbrage of trees? May I never take a single step in nature for granted.
Mini’s school started an e-learning program earlier this week (bless them! these teachers are angels with their calm and reassurance — did I or did I not dab away a stray tear when I overheard her lead teacher say, in response to a little boy stating, with dubious veracity, that he had “eleven people in his family”: “eleven! that’s a lot! you have so much love around you!”) and mini’s been lukewarm on the uptake. I think it’s hard for her to understand why she’s muted when she can normally speak freely on FaceTime with family, and to process all the little squares of classmates in their own homes, and to sustain attention full stop. It’s been interesting — OK, I’ll say it, disheartening — to watch. I’d assumed she’d click right in — SCREEN TIME, BABY! — but I find her clawing her way into my lap, or idling in front of her crayon bin, or sprinting over to investigate micro’s chosen path of destruction after a few minutes have passed. I presume this as much about grafting these new sessions into our daily routine as anything else, and so I’m already rearranging our day to make sure she can focus as much as possible at least during some of the school activities.
What I could not parse earlier this week was why these changes to schedule felt more burden than boon? It dawned on me after awhile that I think we are all at capacity. It is all too much and yet it feels like I am not doing enough. So I find myself whiplashed between the cacophony and the silence of this strange and scary situation, and I just don’t know that I can manage to add anything else to the mix.
There was one day this week where mini’s e-learning program was just not happening. A tantrum, a slammed laptop, a time out. No. Nope! Not gonna happen. We all took a deep breath and let it go. Laboring under some misapprehension that I could right the ship by engaging her myself, I laid out a new activity that went haywire within minutes. Or, it seemed to stick, but after five or six minutes of working alongside her, I sat back to take a breath and she could not bear the solitude. “No mama, do it with me!!!” — the persistent refrain from her corner until I slid down onto the floor next to her and attempted to muster my threadbare energy into some sham of a pantomime of playing. A few minutes later, she hurled all components of the project around the room in a fantastic display of riotous rebellion and I did not have it in me to say a thing. I sat there in quiet and watched her lollygag around her room, occasionally casting me inquisitive sidelong glances, draping her little body across her bed, then over her chair, then onto the floor, as though slowly shedding excess energy, before settling in front of her bookshelf and quietly reading one, then two, then three books to herself. And then I watched her crawl over to the spray of little toys left in the wake of her angst and begin to play, quietly, with them for the better part of an hour, while Hill napped down the hall.
It might be one of the quietest and calmest hours I have passed at home during this entire pandemic, and you know what?
I have been re-reading and re-reading and re-reading an excerpt from a series of meditations that a reader recommended (thank you, Jessica Clare!) that says: “My life is not about me. It is about a willing participation in a larger mystery. At this time, we do this by not rejecting or running from what is happening but by accepting our current situation and asking God to be with us in it.”
There was something in this experience with mini that felt microcosmic: here was this tiny soul, flailing around in fury and confusion and frustration at all the changes in her life, begging me to play with her (“just do something mom!”), and then finding sudden quiet and peace in her own world as I sat there in silence right next to her. Just sitting with her. My daughter and I, caught in this impossible moment, sitting together.
I realized how true that passage from the meditation rang. I need for my loved ones, for God, to be with me in this. I cannot change what is happening outside save for doing my part to stay home and wash hands and the like. I need God to be with me in this. I need you to be with me in this, too.
Thank you for sitting with me in this, friends.
On the up and up: this Ina Garten video, which I watched while grinning and giggling like an idiot. Thank you, Ina.
+I don’t know how I’ve never mentioned this bath toy before, but mini is obsessed with it. My mother-in-law gave it to mini when we visited her last summer and she plays with it constantly in the bath. Sometimes I even turn off the lights and let her swim in the dark with it. It’s super cool!
+I often field questions about what to give children for Baptisms — this is an absolutely lovely gift. Bookmarking it as a potential gift for the first communions of my godchildren in a few years! (P.S. – writing this and realizing that there will be many children who will not be baptized or receive first communions until all of this is over…!)
+Am I the last mom in the world to know about these things? You screw them onto the top of pouches so your baby won’t squeeze everything out all over themselves. CAN’T WAIT FOR MINE TO ARRIVE. (Read the reviews!)
+Love this sweater in the sky blue or mauve pink as a little late spring pick me up.
+Honestly, I’m much more of a dress gal than a skirt gal, but I’m very into a lot of these midi-length skirts out this season. Obsessed with this. Also think this is fun with a white tee/white tank and Hermes Orans, and it’s 50% off right now!
+Pregnant mamas: this dress!! 50% off! I would have lived in this. And earlier in my pregnancy (and not pregnant), I liked dresses like this.
CAVEAT: This post is a slightly more emotive (though still oblique and very mild-mannered) conversation with the pandemic in which we are currently living. Feel free to skip down to the post-scripts or check out my slices of joy post if you need nothing but happy feelings at the moment. So, so many of you have written to encourage me to keep up with the positivity and I intend to do so!
My grandfather used to pour his morning bowl of cereal before he went to bed at night. This was after his wife — my beloved grandmother — had passed on, and though I perceived the habit as bizarre, I understood in some sense that it had to do with her death and to leave it alone.
A friend’s mother fell down the steps and injured her ankle a few years ago, and she has never descended her stairs without a hand on the rail and a focus on her footwork since. My friend shared this with a look of exasperation and added, “I keep wanting to say, ‘You don’t need to do that!‘ but I bite my tongue.”
And then there are the folks who have kept a well-stocked pantry since the “Y2K” conspiracy, when everyone loaded their homes with tinned green beans and purified water and spare batteries just in case the world really did go haywire at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, 1999. A bit much, we might think, to live in such a perennial state of vigilance.
And the people — myself, I will admit, included — who occasionally span the transept of the Church on Sunday morning to ponder points of egress in the case of an active shooter situation. An abundance of caution, etc.
And now, with this pandemic, I think: this is how it happens. This is how deep-seated habits are formed, the kind that just keep. The kind that will leave our children rolling their eyes: “Oh, mom. It’s fine. Don’t be so embarrassing.” As we frenetically scrub our hands, humming “Happy Birthday.” As we stock up on Purell when on sale and text our college-bound children: “2 for $5! I bought a whole case! Do you want some for your dorm, honey?” As we awkwardly circumvent hand-shakes, fumbling through salutes or fist pumps, much to the chagrin of our teens. As we find ourselves overly parsimonious with toilet paper.
My grandchildren will say: “She is so weird about not doing the kiss of peace in Church!”
And yours: “I don’t understand why she freezes so many loaves of bread in that damn freezer! She doesn’t need three loaves at any given moment?!”
Yes, this is how it happens: a very bad thing that leaves us forever changed, forever leery, forever determined to prevent is recurrence, no matter how much we realize our precautions have run a bit far afield.
Musing on this elicits an odd pairing of hope and melancholy, as I find myself already, presumptively — brashly, perhaps, given that I’ve no sense for the duration or personal import of this situation — contemplating what’s to come when the last embers of this wildfire are out, and at the same time wistful at its suddenly-transfigured image.
Just a month ago, I was going to be Jen, the granny with good shoes and an obsession with ironed sheets and her four sweet grandbabies (God willing). Now: Jen, the granny with a too-well-stocked-pantry who makes an ungainly peace sign at fellow parishioners at Church on Sunday morning, leery of germ-bearing palms. (But still with good shoes and those sweet grandbabies, mind you.) I am being intentionally flippant here, lest we veer to hard into the heaviness when I know so many of you are looking to me for escape and levity, but you get my drift:
This is how it happens…
Post Scripts.
+Everlane is running 25% off their entire site until Friday. I love these boxy tees (own in multiples), these anoraks, and lived in this sweater in the pink color all winter.
+Ordered this for mini’s bathroom — love the color and the scalloped trim!
By: Jen Shoop
Our days in quarantine are full of ups and downs. There are mornings that drag on for centuries, tender moments spent snuggling cheek to cheek, tears of frustration, peals of laughter, and everything in between. The biggest travail has been preoccupying my curious, active toddler when we live in a a Manhattan apartment with no backyard, a big dog, and sections of the house that must be kept fairly quiet while baby brother sleeps. Well — to be more accurate, preoccupying the toddler while getting things done when I can. Though I have my mother’s voice in my ear — “you should never feel you need to entertain your child all day long!” — sustaining the interest and imagination of a three-year-old who cannot explore a backyard or go on a playdate while supervising a nine-month-old who is crawling everywhere, pulling up on everything, and inevitably tangled in a loose cord has reminded me of the many virtues of organization. Maybe ten days into our “sheltering in place” routine, it occurred to me that one source of anxiety has been the lack of control I have over the situation. But when will this end? I demand. And I need to know when the groceries will be re-stocked with toilet paper so I can properly ration. And what will we do if…? It’s an anticipator’s worst nightmare. I have been trying to focus instead on the things I can control: meal-planning as far in advance as I can, tidying the house compulsively, sticking to naptimes and bedtimes, and planning activities for mini that give me a purchase on the day. I keep a running list of activities with new ideas I glean from moms much more creative and organized than I am. I thought I’d share a bunch of them. Some require nothing more than basic pantry ingredients, while others have entailed new purchases. Can I quickly note that these droppers have been the MVP? It took mini some time to figure out how to use them, which was a good activity in and of itself…
1 // Make play dough. (You’ll find I link a lot to Mother Could here. She is amazing. Super approachable and down-to-earth and I love that she demonstrates her activities with her own children and owns up to the fact that sometimes things just don’t work out.) The great thing about making play dough is that making it is fun, and then we can pull it out and play with it on multiple days in the future using these accessories.
2 // Play beach. Mini has been very into wearing her swimsuit inside. We put the wave noise on our HomePod (“Siri, play beach sounds”) and she eats a popsicle on a towel on our kitchen floor. Do you know how long it takes a toddler to eat a popsicle? A long time…perfect happy hour activity 🙂
3 // Free the frozen animals. We’ve done this one a few times. We use the aforementioned droppers and this pack of inexpensive sea creatures (perfect size) so she can get drip warm water onto the ice cube. She loves this and it’s a cool way to introduce the different states of matter to her.
4 // Use cookie cutters on play dough. Even though she has proper Play Doh accessories, I also pulled out my big set of cookie cutters and had her organize them by color and then she loved using them on the play dough itself.
5 // Scavenger hunt. I drew pictures of household objects / items I knew she’d recognize and she ran around gaily finding them. It was really fun and she asked for another hunt multiple times the same day. I had a surprise at the end — a coloring book.
6 // Necklace making. My mom sent mini this kit, and she plays with it close to daily. She also likes this set from Melissa & Doug and it doesn’t seem to bother her that she makes a few necklaces and then starts over from scratch with the same cord every few days.
7 // Vinegar and baking soda experiment. I’ve seen this done countless ways, and we’ve tried it a few different ways, too. I think mini’s favorite variation has been giving her a 9″ cake tin, laying down a layer of baking soda, and then filling up a couple of cups (I actually use this silicon tray, which I used to use to freeze homemade baby food) filled with vinegar dyed different colors using food coloring, and then those droppers. She makes different patterns with the colors and is in absolute heaven.
8 // Baking. We’ve done a lot of this — everything from boxed brownies to homemade raspberry muffins (we used this recipe, which calls for only things I always have on hand, and subbed in frozen raspberries!)
9 // “Car wash.” You can use any toy for this — we don’t have many toy cars (yet) so we used her counting bears. We mixed cornstarch with cocoa powder and a little water to create “mud” in one bowl, and then I gave her one bowl with soapy water and a scrub brush and another bowl with clean water. She loved playing with this. It was a complete mess. Strongly advise doing this outside if you are fortunate to have backyard space, in a bath tub, or on the kitchen floor (where we did this).
10 // Jam session. I usually pull these out for virtual music class, but sometimes we pull them out and play them while listening to music.
11 // Books on tape. Audible has made a ton of children’s books available for free while schools are closed. We’ve been listening to Winnie the Pooh and I was surprised that mini laid in her bed for a spell, just listening. She also liked “reading along” in her version of the book, which — though text-dense and long — has a lot of pictures.
13 // Dot markers. Sometimes I have her decorate cardboard boxes, which she LOVES to do, and sometimes I print out the free dot marker activities here. I wish I had spare poster board — she’d have a blast marking up a huge square like that!
14 // Painting. This is a near-daily activity in these parts. She loves watercolors.
16 // Long, long baths. It dawned on me one afternoon while I was coaxing mini out of the tub — what am I doing? So what if she stays in there for thirty minutes, shriveling like a prune? She’s happily playing by herself! Let it be! And so I do. I’ve tried to introduce some fun to the mix by using Crayola dropz or bath bombs, bath tub crayons, and tub stickables.
18 // Melissa & Doug activities — they just have the best stuff if you need something ready-made. This cupcake decorating set is right up mini’s alley. I try to store a few of these kinds of things in the closet for desperate days.
19 // Wonder Forge matching game. Mini LOVES this game and I was surprised to see how quickly she “got” it.
21 // “Play cooking.” I just give her a tray filled with ingredients — flour, sugar, oats, sprinkles, water dyed a few different colors, and let her have at it. She loves using the whisk, droppers, and measuring cups.
22 // Car tape (and cars, if you don’t yet have them — just ordered a set because we don’t have many of these). This traffic set would be a fun add on.
23 // Letter-writing. We draw pictures and write letters to loved ones. She loves licking the envelopes and applying the stamp.
24 // Kinetic sand. I’ve not yet dipped into this stuff because we actually had a friend give mini kinetic sand and it made such a huge mess I have been scared to try again since. Going to wait until a day I feel very patient and set this up in our kitchen.
25 // Make jell-o and check back every thirty minutes to see if it’s “set” yet.
27 // Decorate cupcakes. I have this Easter set to pull out in the next week or two to get into the Easter mood.
28 // Picnic lunch. Mini LOVES picnics. Sometimes all this means is having lunch somewhere beside the dining room table — one time we ate on the floor of micro’s nursery, one time we ate in her teepee (which we set up in the dining room), and occasionally we eat out in the living room.
29 // Picnic lunch with a twist. Occasionally I serve her a “special picnic lunch” where I fill the cups of a mini muffin tin with different things — sliced cheese, salami, fruit, pretzels, raisins, etc. Something about the variety and presentation is thrilling to her.
30 // Cutting practice. I was scared to do this but her school insists this is something she does routinely in the classroom. I bought her a pair of leftie scissors (Mr. Magpie, Emory, and I are all south paws!) and printed out a few pages with dotted lines drawn on so she has a guidepost.
31 // Paper Bag puppets. You could probably do this with your own stuff at home if you’re better-stocked than I am, but this kit makes it super easy.
32 // Slime. To be honest, mini hated this — the minute she had her hands in it, she recoiled in disgust at the texture and then flung her hands back and forth, spreading slime all over her bedroom. So, not great for us. BUT. I think most kids love it and Mother Could has a few recipes.
33 // Dry erase activity books. Mini has a few of these and really gets a kick out of them. The Usborne ones are good, as are the Priddy ones. Sometimes she just draws on the pages, but other times I see she’s really trying to connect the dotted lines to form letters and the like.
34 // Cooking. I try to have her help me make dinner/lunch whenever possible. Putting rice/water into the rice cooker is just perfect for her skill level — she can measure and pour the ingredients and turn the machine on.
35 // Organizing. We have one cabinet in our kitchen that has only bottles, cups, plates, and bowls for the children, and sometimes I ask her to organize it for me. She loves taking everything out, putting things in rows, and…jamming the back in there in a hodge podge mess. But who cares? It keeps her happy for awhile…
36 // Paint pasta, leave to dry, then string into necklaces. A classic. I like that it has multiple stages to it.
37 // Waterbeads. I’m new to the whole “sensory play” zone so these were a first. I put them out with the tools and also those little water animals and let her have at it.
38 // Dye rice. I was shocked at how much fun it was just to dye the rice with mini–and playing with it has been a blast, too. Line up a couple of quart-sized baggies. Place 1 cup of rice in each and add 1 tablespoon white vinegar. Then add food coloring to each bag. Shake to coat. Spread out to dry on baking sheets coated with wax paper. I would plan to leave for a good six hours. Mini has loved using the rice to “make cupcakes” — mixing the rice with a whisk, pouring into a mini cupcake tin, etc. It’s also incredibly therapeutic to just run your hands through the rice. You can also bury letters or little animals in there and have your child dig them out.
39 // Paint the bathtub — place an underwear-clad child in a bath tub with washable paint (or you can make your own I have heard!) and a few paintbrushes. Hose down everything at end.
40 // Dot stickers. I printed out the letters of her name, taped them to the wall, and then wrote the letters of her name on a ton of dot stickers. She LOVED matching the dots to the letters on the wall.
41 // Pom pom soup. This started as a simple color sorting activity (sort the pom poms by color!) but to be honest she quickly tired of that. So I told her to make me soup. She loved that — anything to do with cooking delights her.
42 // Invisible shapes painting. This was really fun — I drew various shapes/letters onto a piece of watercolor paper using a white crayon. I then had her paint over the paper with watercolors, which revealed all of the hidden shapes!
43 // Animal parade. A clever way to get some extra mileage out of all of those darned tiny toys in the nursery.
44 // Shaving cream play. I placed her little sea creatures in the bottom of a bin and covered them with Barbosol shaving cream (it gets super foamy). I let her use various tools/implements to fish out the creatures and bathe them in a bowl of water with a scrub brush. She was skittish about getting her hands “dirty” (she’s my daughter after all) but once I joined in, we had a good time together with this one. We then used the shaving cream to make “food” — ice cream cones specifically.
45 // M&M experiment. Anything I describe as an experiment immediately garners tremendous excitement.
46 // Caterpillar to butterfly kit. Just ordered this for mini after a mom friend of mine posted a series of Instastories about it. Looks amazing!
48 // Wipe-clean painting boards. Another Mother Could GENIUS idea. Emory absolutely loved this! All you need is cardboard, shipping tape, and washable paint (and baby wipes for when you’re ready to wipe clean).
For those interested, below is our daily “routine” while in quarantine:
6 AM – Mini pads into our bedroom. Under normal circumstances, I try to wake up with the children most mornings to give Mr. Magpie more sleep because he usually has long days in the office and my schedule often has a lot more “give” to it. During this coronavirus situation, we’ve been trading off mornings, which has been a lovely and needed respite. Sometimes we are able to cajole mini to retreat to her room to play quietly for another 30 minutes, but that thirty minutes is often punctuated by multiple re-entries: “Daddy, look what I made!” and “Mama, I need to take off my nightgown. It’s wet.” (Nothing springs me out of my drowsy state like the prospect of determining how she’s gotten wet and whether she’s somehow managed to flood the bedroom.) More horrifying, I have on multiple recent occasions heard her always-running feet scamper down the hallway towards micro’s room, a feeling of doom settling over my shoulders. Via the monitor, I hear his door open, and then the sound machine click off. Micro grunts and I know we’re done for.
6:30-ish — Micro is up! Change his diaper, open his blinds, give him his morning bottle. I make breakfast for everyone and empty the dishwasher and get mini settled in front of her morning episode of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. The next two hours are a blur of playing, tidying, eating, making beds, re-filling milk and water cups, getting myself ready for the day, and dressing the children. Mr. Magpie is doing the same thing, plus walking the dog and making us coffee and sending me memes and taking out the garbage.
8:30-ish — Free play time in mini’s room, which is (generally) micro-proof and so I am often able to enjoy a little pocket of time checking my emails and Instagram, texting friends and family, placing online orders for groceries/essentials, etc. From here on, Mr. Magpie and I are engaged in a long-form dance, trading shifts and responsibilities and children as we attempt to maintain our jobs and sanity. Most days, I’m with the children in the mornings and Mr. Magpie takes over after lunch, and then we’re all hands on deck starting around 4 p.m., though he often has a packed virtual meeting schedule and so we work around those to the best of our ability.
9-ish — Virtual music class, yoga class, or dance class. Mini has been very into the yoga classes from Cosmic Kids. I’m so proud of her! She’ll often do it all by herself, as I’m usually chasing down micro / attempting to engage him long enough to get through the program.
10-ish — Micro goes down for his morning nap, and mini and I do our big activity for the day. See list below.
11 — Snack and reading time. I try to read her a handful of books (her choice) and then sit with her while she reads on her own.
11:30 — Micro up from nap; I have the children play in his room (micro will play happily in his crib if mini is within his line of sight on the floor), which is just off the kitchen, as I prepare lunch / tidy up / do laundry / etc.
12 — Lunch.
1 — Bath time. I really love moving baths to midday. It makes nighttime a lot smoother for me.
1:30-3 — We try to plan what happens every day during this time the day before/the morning of, but it’s a rotation of options. If it’s nice enough, we’ll go to Central Park for 30 minutes to let mini run out some energy. Most days, we play games, do some art (painting/coloring), do more yoga, build forts, play with magnetiles/blocks/her train set.
3 — Micro’s second nap, and Emory gets iPad time. I take Tilly out for her “midday” walk. Then this is usually fantastic and deserved down time for all of us — though Mr. Magpie often has to clip back into work mode here.
4 — Small activity — coloring/drawing/activity book time, or game time. I find that if I don’t have something set up for mini to do right after I pry the iPad out of her hands, I have a very cranky little one. It pays to take five minutes to set up a game or small activity for her that I can immediately point her toward.
4:30 — Hill up. Free play in mini’s room.
5-7 — HAPPY HOUR, Dinner, FaceTime family, and bedtime routine.
What other toddler activities should I be doing??? Please share advice and ideas below!
In the meantime — has anyone used Osmo? I’m super intrigued. And I think I might buy a few of these colored play trays to help keep things organized in these parts. Might be annoying/extra and add these monograms to one or two of them (ones I won’t use with water projects). It’s the little things.
Hanging in there? Checking in on you and sending you peace today.
A few things that are helping me keep a (generally) positive attitude, aside from proactively seeking and celebrating the slices of joy that dot my day-to-day:
+Looking at pretty pictures that conjure happier times, like the one above: frothy dresses, bare feet in grass, driving with the windows down, loose hair, cricketsong…
+My mom, sister, and I have a daily virtual prayer circle that we started prior to the crescendo of coronavirus, but that has brought me tremendous peace and comfort in recent days. We pick a new novena every nine days (I love this book) and, whenever one of us is praying it, we text our shared thread the emoji of the praying hands. It’s reassuring to know that two of my most loved women are bowing their heads alongside me throughout the day. Some days, we just exchange the prayer hands emojis. Others, we share particular intentions or observations on the prayer itself. (If you’re not prayer-inclined, you could do something similar by picking an intention — say, mindfulness or a positive attitude or good vibes for healthcare workers — with a few friends you are close to and sending the heart emoji at some point during the day to let them know you are thinking at that moment of that particular intention.) The reward for me is not only the peace of prayer but connection during this time of isolation.
+A calm playlist. My musical tastes are…varied. I can go from Megan Thee Stallion’s “Savage” to Chopin’s Etudes in no time flat. But these days, I’ve been listening to the songs that make me feel warm and secure:
Have I Told You Lately / Van Morrison
I Left My Heart in San Francisco / Tony Bennett
Autumn in New York / Billie Holiday
Moonlight in Vermont / Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
J’ai Deux Amours / Madeleine Peyroux
La Vie en Rose / Edith Piaf
I Love You / Nat King Cole
The Summer Wind / Madeleine Peyroux
A Wink and a Smile / Harry Connick, Jr.
At Last / Beyonce
Every Time We Say Goodbye / Sarah Vaughan
What about Surprise / Latesha Escalero
I Saw Stars / Django Reindhardt
Lost Stars / Adam Levine
Sparks / Coldplay
Some Place Else / Mor Mor
+Perhaps a bit more of a tough love approach: I saw awhile ago a quote that said something like: ” ‘I can do this,’ she thought. ‘And even if I can’t, I have to.'” Yep. Time to put on our big girl pants and realize we need to muscle through — even if we’re white-knuckling — because we have no other option and because there are probably people counting on us to be strong.
+Remote movie date. We tested this on Friday with our best friends — we played the same movie at the same time (it took some coordination to press the play button at the exact same time!) while FaceTiming and drinking wine. We picked “What about Bob?”, which I’d never seen, and which was a delight. It was the most lovely two hour escape and made me feel, temporarily, normal.
+Routine! Routines are comforting to me. We aim to have everyone dressed and “ready for the day” by nine, when our “activities” / workdays start. Having everyone dressed and brushed, having the kitchen clean, and having the play areas tidy by nine gives me the impression of accomplishment and order. We don’t have one of those impressive hour-by-hour block schedules that I’ve seen on Instagram in place, but we generally follow the same sequence every day and the scaffolding helps me, mentally, make it through.
+Occasionally getting properly dressed up. I get dressed every day — usually in jeans and sweater or Kule tee — but it was unseasonably warm on Friday and because we couldn’t enjoy more than twenty minutes of it outside, I put on a new pretty floral dress (you may have see it in my Instastory) and felt like a million bucks. (And P.S. — more pretty and easy-to-wear home dresses here.)
+Treat yourself! I added a few La Colombe draft lattes (or try Pop and Bottle) to my last Instacart order. A couple of other feel-good/indulgent treats to make life a little more comfortable and joyful these days:
I often receive questions about organizing tools, and though I’ve shared ideas in scattershot fashion across many posts, I thought I’d organize everything in one post, sorted by room. Because we’re all stuck inside so…maybe a good time to tackle some of these projects?
My leading tip for keeping clutter to a minimum is investing in a lot of these Stori plastic bins (seen above), as they line more or less every drawer in our home…
The Best Closet/Dresser Organization Gear.
+Drawer dividers — much easier to stay in the habit of folding clothes neatly with these in place.
+Fabric cube storage bins — we have a great closet with built-in shelving, and many of these bins slide right in / along the top shelf of our closet. Easier to keep things organized/tidy-looking and then you can just select the bin you need. I also have used these (different shape) for the children’s clothing. I like the window on the side so you can see what’s in there.
+I organize all back-up/sample cosmetics and skincare in these pouches, organized by hair, makeup, skincare, travel, etc, and stow them all in a big tupperware.
+White plastic storage bins — great for under-sink / laundry, too. Inexpensive but great way to keep “like” things together — i.e., all overflow toothpaste and toothbrushes and floss; all cleaning supplies; all dog gear; all light bulbs.
+Acrylic cube for medicine/first aid. We use the different compartments for things like bandaids, cold remedies, stomach ailments, etc., so all is easy to find.
+This is advertised for the bathroom, but in my old apartment, I actually slid something just like this right alongside the washer/dryer and it was a great way to hide all our laundry detergent, dryer sheets, and cleaning products.
The Best Nursery Organization Gear.
+Cutlery organizer — the expandable one fits nearly any drawer size.
My Latest Snag: Optimistic Resortwear for Micro + Mini.
It’s crossed my mind that we may not be out of the woods for a long while yet — this situation may extend into / impede our planned summer travel to the Hamptons and somewhere fantastic for our ten-year anniversary. Truly the smallest of inconveniences compared to the upheaval so many are experiencing, but a disappointment nonetheless: family adventures, celebrations, experiences deferred. And yet I still found myself optimistically ordering fun outfits for our (imagined) summer adventures. Won’t a field trip to the Bronx Zoo — hell, the nearby playground! — feel like a tremendous privilege when all of this is done?
“We feel the world has changed, and it has. We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way, and we realize things will be different. Just as going to the airport is forever different from how it was before 9/11, things will change and this is the point at which they changed. The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively.”
Kessler goes on to say: “One unfortunate byproduct of the self-help movement is we’re the first generation to have feelings about our feelings. We tell ourselves things like, I feel sad, but I shouldn’t feel that; other people have it worse. We can — we should — stop at the first feeling. I feel sad. Let me go for five minutes to feel sad.”
Sharing to underline the point. And also, as the head notes to the interview astutely notes, sometimes it is therapeutic to simply name what you feel. “If we can name it, perhaps we can manage it.”
Hang in there friends…
And if you need a complete distraction, check out “Tiger King” on Netflix. Possibly the most intriguing and wild documentary I’ve ever seen, next to “Making a Murderer.” Or listen to Jessica Simpson’s audiobook — I am nearly done now (thanks to Tilly’s walks!) and have to say I absolutely love her voice and am enamored with her. She says important things! And she’s charming! Check it out.
And if all else falls — Nancy Meyers movies, pls and thank you.
Post-Scripts: A Great New Book for Little Ones.
+This is a fantastic book that mini and I discovered while attending Books of Wonder’s free story time a few weeks ago. It’s a sweet story about balancing adventure with a love of home — with tons of references to New York landmarks thrown in. (More children’s books I love here.)
There are a couple of questions I often receive via DM when I post Instastories (and I love and never tire of answering them, so keep them coming!) — so I thought I’d share some of them here for inquiring minds.
Q: Where are your white jeans from?
A: Any time I post a picture of myself wearing these jeans, I get a lot of questions — sadly, they appear to be sold out in the exact style I own but I swear by all J. Brand jeans and will be buying these as a replacement when the time comes. You can still find my exact pair on eBay, though!
A: We own these in the medium size in the pink color (more colors here). Inexpensive and the perfect height to slide under the bottom of her bed. We keep one bin for her play food, one bin for these blocks, and one bin for Magnetiles.
A couple of other toy storage options I love: Pehr Designs canvas bins (we use these for mini’s Maileg mice), coiled rope baskets (we have the white with leather pulls), beachcomber baskets (we use these in our living room to stow a select number of toys there), and this sorting basket. We also put this Ikea shelving unit into mini’s nursery (turned on its side, so the bottom row is 4 squares long) and lined the bottom row with these wicker bins: one for doll clothes/accessories, one for dress-up, one for musical instruments, and one for “random toys” (like, where do they come from?!). We use the top two rows for her extensive collection of books and puzzles. I am so impressed with the quality and the functionality — and it is in-line with the philosophy of mini’s Montessori education, whose ethos is to keep everything accessible/proportional/at eye-level for children, so they can engage with their surroundings in a self-directed way. I have found that making her books and toys easily available to her leads her to read a lot more widely and play with different things throughout the day. We also stow a bin (<<absolutely love these versatile totes; great for taking to beach/pool, stowing snacks for a picnic, grocery shopping, art supplies, etc., as it affords structure but can be easily wiped) of art supplies on the floor beside her little art table in her bedroom and she draws or paints at least once a day — often a lot more often.
A: It’s the Stark Fauna rug in almond. (P.S. Sources for almost everything in our bedroom, living room, and dining room here.) As I detail in this post, I loved this rug so much, I bought it twice. The first one we had was a little too small for our current living room (general rules of thumb are that front legs of the furniture are on the rug, and that there is about 6″ of rug on each side of the furniture) — and the cording/banding on one side of it had started to unravel after six years of heavy use. It’s a superb rug for high traffic areas because it masks stains/dirt well thanks to the pattern, and it’s more interesting than a neutral BUT kind of behaves like one? It can go with so many different styles, patterns, colors, etc. It’s also soft and plush underfoot. We use these rug pads under all of the rugs in our home to prevent them from slipping, to protect both floor and rug, and to add some additional cushion. WTTW: roll out the rug pad first and place it where you’d like it in the room. Then take the rolled rug to one side of the rug pad, line one edge up exactly, and carefully roll it across the rug pad. I had no idea what I was doing the first time and had to call our super up to help. Ha.
A: The medium in rose gold (this color appears to be more difficult to find now, FYI — I love the new rose and mushroom colors, though)! I love it. I will agree with reviewers that the straps do slide off your shoulder easily (especially with my heavy duty winter coat on), but I tend to use it when with stroller (hanging on these hooks). I answered more questions about it here, but it’s pretty much my ideal diaper bag for two kids. With one, I got by handily with a Goyard St. Louis tote. Then the amount of stuff I needed to tote ballooned out of control. Now that mini is toilet-trained and micro drinks bottles less frequently, I can probably get by the the Goyard for short excursions and pared-down essentials, but the M.Z. Wallace is still fantastic for longer trips / trips to outdoor places (it’s a lot less precious and a lot more inclement-weather-tolerant than the Goyard).
Q: I am about two have my second child. Would you recommend the M.Z. Wallace backpack or the tote?
A: Backpack (I own it in black). I’m assuming you already have a diaper bag from the first go around that you can use when convenient, but I am confident you’ll find the backpack a must-have. I use it every single time I’m out with both on my own and nearly any time I am taking the subway, even with only one, so that I can have my hands free.
Q: Where are your dining room table and chairs from?
A: Table is from Ballard Designs (it has a nifty hidden extension) and chairs are from Restoration Hardware (you can get the look for less with these, which come in great colors). More details on our dining room here, but can I unprompted add how much I adore this rug (we have it in a larger size) and what a lovely change these chandelier shades made to the gilded chandelier in our rented apartment? The latter makes the room feel so much more finished and elegant.
Q: I’m x months pregnant…what should I wear to my shower?
A: This is probably one of my all-time most-asked questions: what to wear while pregnant to a shower/wedding/special occasion? Some of this will be trial-and-error as my pregnancy philosophy was to avoid maternity clothes and buy things with a loose/roomy fit and/or a self-tie waist that I could repurpose post-pregnancy, so you’ll have to test and see whether it works well with a bump. My absolute top pick is one of these buttoned linen Sleeper dresses. They are so sweet, so comfortable, so airy — and they work beautifully while pregnant, nursing, and none of the above.
THIS BRODERIE ANGLAISE PRETTY (HATE THE WAY ITS STYLED ONLINE, COULD LOOK SO SWEET WITH FLOWER EARRINGS AND PRETTY SHOES)
P.S. More pregnancy picks here, and I absolutely LIVED IN a black column jersey maxi like this in the final months of pregnancy. It was easy to dress it up with a scarf or trendy headband, could be worn with sneakers or slides, etc.
Q: Expecting my first – is the 4Moms worth it?
A: [Micro was often seen in this for the first seven months of his life, before he got super active. Now those days of putting him in one place while doing something else are long gone…tear.] The answer is a confusing: “hell, yes!: and “It depends.” I say yes in that both of my children absolutely LOVED it and enjoyed being in it until at least six months of age — and trust me when I say that having extra places to “store” the baby is always a good thing, even if they only tolerate it temporarily. (Rule of thumb now having two children: there should be some “baby holder” in every well-frequented room to place your baby.)
I say “I’m not sure,” though, because I have read reviews/comments by moms whose babies “couldn’t stand xyz rocker” or “hated to be put in the xyz swing” — so, as with everything, tolerance for these can vary child by child. Anecdotally, I have not had any friends whose babies had viscerally bad reactions to the 4Moms — almost everyone I know loved it!
Long answer short: I personally very strongly endorse this. I also cannot urge you to get a Boppy any more heartily. They are easy to move around and for the first few months such a great way to keep baby close to you while watching TV / pumping / etc. Similar to the Dock-A-Tot but smaller and cheaper (and can be tossed into the washing machine).
P.P.P.S. Is anyone else panicking to find certain things with really long delivery lead times on Amazon? I went to order my Glycolix face wipes and couldn’t believe they wouldn’t be delivered until April 22nd. Walmart to the rescue: they are still delivering within a few days, and their prices are better on some things, too. I ordered Gylcolix and my current favorite face cream. Who knew!?
By: Jen Shoop
Several years ago, I wrote about searching for “slices of joy” in my daily life, quoting:
“Happiness doesn’t have to be a constant overarching feeling. It can come as sweet, short moments throughout your day.”
A couple of slices of joy I’ve been savoring recently:
+The way Tilly “hugs” me by resting her head against my face and leaning her weight onto my body every night. Dog love is real.
+The discovery that “One Fine Day” is streaming on HBOGo — one of my all-time favorite romcoms. It hadn’t been available for rent or purchase on any streaming network for so, so long. Is it embarrassing to note that I owe many of my #momgoal aspirations to Michelle Pfeiffer’s character in this movie? (N.B.: Michelle Pfeiffer is #goals in general…). When she retrieves a blueberry muffin from her bag, Mary Poppins-style, I remember thinking, even as a self-absorbed teen: “I want that to be me one day — prepared, nurturing, organized.” I despise the word “cozy” but this movie is just that — a warm hug on a rainy day. (May I also recommend any Nancy Meyers or John Hughes movie as welcome, life-affirming distraction?)
+The smell of coffee in the morning.
+The fact that children’s enrichment programs are offering free, online music and dance classes — we’ve done Dance with Miss Rachel, Jamming with Jamie, Ramblin’ Dan via Union Square Play, and Cosmic Kids Yoga, making donations to support the performers where appropriate. I bring out this bag of percussion instruments and both children are happily engaged for a little pocket of time — micro loves the egg-shaped shakers and mini goes wild on the whistles (yikes).
+We’ve also been tuning into this old Raffi concert on YouTube, and it’s distinctly possible that I enjoy it more than the children, though they rock out, too. A classic for a reason. His voice is chicken soup for the 1980s-born soul.
+The smell of freshly-bathed babies. (Still use this classic.)
+Daily FaceTime sessions with siblings and friends. We’ve had a lot of good laughs together.
+Eating dinner on the floor, around our coffee table (currently on sale!), at night, which has the vague feeling of trespass that building forts in the living room or “camping out” in the basement used to when I was a child.
+Watching “Seinfeld” before bed. Though we’ve seen every episode countless times, the “Phone Message” one had us laughing so hard we could hardly breathe on Friday night.
+Cooked-from-the-heart, rib-sticking classics like Anthony Bourdain’s Braised Pork Shoulder with Fried Shallots and Quick Pickles (from his Appetites cookbook, which is excellent), which we serve over huge, satisfying mounds of Jasmine rice. Note: it is a lot of up-front work for Mr. Magpie, but then we batch and freeze leftovers to enjoy over the weeks to come. (Incidentally, this most recent batch led Mr. Magpie to decide we need to upgrade our rice cooker. I didn’t even know rice cookers existed until Mr. Magpie brandished his when we moved in together. We still have the same one — and I believe his was manufactured in 1962? It consistently burns the bottom of the pot into a brown layer of impossible-to-scrub-off rice and does not yield particularly fluffy results but it had not dawned on either of us that an upgrade might work wonders. Though I should add that I am still, ten years into our marriage and my discovery of aforementioned rice cooker, delighted by its ease of use — so much so that we have afforded it carefully guarded cabinet space in our Manhattan apartments. At any rate, he is debating between a Cuckoo and a Zojirushi. Both are hideous in my opinion but consistently top-ranked.)
+Realizing I’ve crossed the threshold into being able to make one meal for both of my children — micro now more or less eats everything mini does, just diced into smaller pieces. It is such a relief and simplifier! These plates and these small bowls are still my absolute favorite. Both are dishwasher and microwave-safe. The “wells” of the plates are deep so you can serve things like applesauce, yogurt, soup, cereal, etc without an issue — and the bowls are the perfect child size for snacks.
+Fresh pens and lists that afford the impression of progress.
+This performance of “Lost Stars” (from the lovely movie “Begin Again”). I can’t hear it without remembering this one night my best friend visited me in Chicago and we turned this song up to the loudest decibel and went cruising around the city, singing at the top of our lungs, windows down. The best feeling.
+Online shopping, where not a day goes by that another incredible sale/discount does not materialize…a few of my favorite finds/scores, several of them from small businesses:
HILLHOUSEHOME IS OFFERING 10% OFF ALL BEDDING/BATH (NO CODE NEEDED) + DONATING 10% OF PROCEEDS TO INCREDIBLE NON-PROFITS…I OWN AND LOVE THE CHANCERY LANE SET
10% OFF THE INCREDIBLE HOME DECOR SHOP ST. FRANK (RUN BY MY GIRLFRIEND CHRISTINA), PLUS 10% OF PROCEEDS GO TO FEED AMERICA. I LOVE THESE THROWS (PERFECT GIFT) AND WOULD LOVE ONE OF THEIR FRAMED OTOMIS
25% OFF YOUR PURCHASE OF $75 OR MORE WITH CODE STAYCATION — I LOVE THE NEW PROPER PEONY PIMA KNITS LIKE THIS AND THIS
What slices of joy are you enjoying right now?Please share in the comments! Would love to appreciate your joy vicariously.
P.S. Have you had the wherewithal to read? I will admit I’ve not read a page in weeks, in part because I am very busy with the children and in part because I am craving a different, less active kind of distraction these days. Recs please!
THIS DOESN’T REMIND ME OF ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR BUT NAILS ALL THE HALLMARKS OF SPRING 2020 TRENDS: PUFF SLEEVES, FLORAL, MIDI LENGTH, INTERESTING CUT-OUTS…AND $119!!!
P.P.S. Are you weaning or preparing to, whether before you’d intended or not? Curious if this resonates.
P.P.P.S. These jammies are so sweet for a big girl — reminds me of Roller Rabbit, but for less.
By: Jen Shoop
If you, like us, are taking happy hour at home very seriously right now — some random thoughts to snack on. (Is everyone else doing virtual happy hours with siblings and friends?)
WE’VE REFERENCED THIS WINE BIBLE COUNTLESS TIMES, AND USE THIS (<<GREAT GIFT FOR A BUDDING OENOPHILE) CLOSE TO WEEKLY TO PAIR WINE WITH OUR MEALS
NOT TECHNICALLY WINE GLASSES, BUT I LOVE TO DRINK WINE OUT OF THESE
PREFERABLY ALONGSIDE A BUNCH OF CRUNCHY SNACKS SERVED IN THIS — A FEW APERITIVI SNACKS I LOVE: TRUFFLE CHIPS, VIRGINIA PEANUTS, AND PALACIOS CHORIZO SLICED INTO COINS AND TOASTED IN A HOT SKILLET…AND SOMETIMES GOOD OL FRITOS
I SWEAR BY THIS CHAMPAGNE STOPPER — WE DRINK A LOT OF SPARKLING IN THIS HOUSE! IT’S NOT ONLY FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS…OR, RATHER, IT MAKES NO OCCASION A SPECIAL OCCASION
WE KEEP WINE CHILLED IN A MAUVIEL BUCKET WE RECEIVED FOR OUR WEDDING — SUCH AN EXTRAVAGANT AND CHERISHED GIFT!
BEFORE CHILDREN, I USED TO LOVE TO THUMB THROUGH DESIGN BOOKS WHILE ENJOYING A GLASS OF WINE — CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS TO BE RELEASED, AS I LOVED HIS FIRST
LOVE DOING PUZZLES, ESPECIALLY THE ONES FROM POMEGRANATE, WHICH ARE SUPER HIGH-QUALITY AND SUCH PRETTY SUBJECTS
I AM STILL GETTING FULLY DRESSED EVERY DAY (I WORK FROM HOME ALWAYS AND THIS IS A PERSONAL RULE OF MINE), BUT THE IDEA OF ENJOYING A GLASS OF WINE IN THESE UBER-SOFT SWEATS OR THIS TIE-DYE SET IS V APPEALING
Here to say that if you find yourself shuttling between moments of “ohmygod” and “I wish I was a Pinterest mom, but this is not happening” and “is it appropriate to have a glass of wine yet [it’s 3 p.m.]” and then tender-hearted, maybe-this-is-teaching-me-to-just-slow-down-and-soak-up-my-loved-ones and then panic-stricken anxiety about catching the virus / what this is doing to the economy and healthcare system —
I feel ya. I’m right there with you.
A few years ago, I cried on the phone to one of my girlfriends after a loved one had passed away. I remember blubbering through my words, making mincemeat of myself, and at one point saying, “I don’t feel like I should be allowed to feel this sad, but I do–” and she said: “Woah, woah, woah. Jen. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to feel every single thing you feel. You don’t need to ask for permission.”
I’ve repeated these words countless times to myself and to loved ones who need to hear it. “I shouldn’t feel like this because [someone else has it worse / I need to be strong / it will all be OK / etc.].” We all say these things to ourselves, feebly or forcibly attempting to brook the flow of our emotions with reason or guilt or empathy for others, but —
We are permitted to feel the way we feel.
And sometimes that means feeling fifteen different ways about a single situation.
Deep breath. We’re all in this together.
Today, sharing some distractions if you’re looking for ’em — all the pretty horses, if you will: a couple of posts from the Magpie archives you may not have seen, some pretty pictures, and a few links for some retail therapy…
