Jen Shoop, Author at Magpie by Jen Shoop

By: Jen Shoop

Q: What is on your bucket list for this fall?

A: My main goal this fall is getting mini back into the swing of school and normalizing all of the COVID-related changes. I know that sounds so ridiculous, but right now, I’m feeling desperate to settle into a good rhythm. We’re still battling a lot of tearful pick-ups and drop-offs around here, and the occasional resistance to wearing mask/shield. I want to be through the transition and into the pattern. I’m sure a lot of moms can relate to this right now.

On the “fun” side of things, we have already purchased timed tickets to go apple picking at Fishkill Farms, and we are also planning to visit Storm King Art Center (an outdoor art gallery) if we can swing getting tickets. (All of these venues have sought-after timed tickets!) We have also been in an amazing and extravagant routine of having my brother-in-law and sister over for dinner every other Saturday, and we continue to up the ante on cuisine. Sometimes we cook in and sometimes they bring us carry-out from New York landmarks like Carbone and Prince Street Pizza. Hoping we continue that and can also swing a visit to Blue Hill at Stone Barns, which is currently offering amazing (socially-distant) picnics on its property.

Q: I am intrigued by the Artis makeup brushes. Which one do you think is best for my face for foundation and which one for concealer?

A: I’m in love with my Artis brush. I own the mirror oval six. I think it’s best suited for concealer, but I also use it for foundation/tinted moisturizer. I will likely soon upgrade to a slightly bigger size for the latter purpose, but — honestly? The oval six gives me good control over application so I don’t mind its small size. I strongly recommend starting with the six, which can be used for both concealer and foundation, and then, if you want to expand your collection, add the seven as a dedicated foundation brush. I actually bought my brush from Walmart because it is a good deal less expensive there, but Artis reached out to let me know that Walmart is not an authorized retailer of their products, so they couldn’t be sure of its authenticity. In all honesty, if the Walmart brush I bought is a dupe, I can’t tell because it is amazing regardless. But just a buyer beware. Probably safer to buy elsewhere.

Q: Outfit recs for in-home newborn/family photo shoot in December?

A: Ooh! Love this as you can go so many different directions since you are indoors. I would probably pick a dress I really love and build the shoot around that. If I were having a girl, maybe I’d buy this dress for myself and have my little one in this beyond darling cashmere set ($75, WOW). Or if you’re more into a casual vibe, pair your favorite jeans with a statement sweater like this. Alternately, I feel like I would have loved the ease and airiness of this autumnal dress post-partum, with baby boy in a knit set like this or this. Husband would look amazing alongside any of these looks wearing a classic navy blazer and khakis, or — if going more casual — dark denim and a white oxford or camel sweater.

Q: Where can I buy cute hair bows for my four year old?

A: I love Wee Ones for solids and Belles Like Big Bows has some fun seasonal prints I buy now and then, too. If your little one is less into the big bow and prefers pigtails/ponytails, I also love this inexpensive pack of 40 when I’m doing those hair styles.

Q: What are your go-to weeknight dinners?

A: Some of our long-standing favorites are here, though I have to say Mr. Magpie has really upped his ante during COVID. Since he no longer has a commute, he’s been crazy ambitious in his cooking — and he does about 90% of it around here. I will say that when I’m on the hook for dinner, I lean heavily on America’s Test Kitchen cookbooks. I find the recipes are excellent, and they present American classics like beef tacos, lasagna, etc, in super approachable and clear writing.

Q: How would you celebrate being pregnant with our first child in the time of COVID?

A: Wow — congratulations! I know you must be awash with emotions. I have seen some people do socially-distanced baby showers and “drive-in” gender reveals (i.e., couple stands in lawn and releases balloons of one color or another). So clever! Where there is a will, there is a way. People will always celebrate life and the ones they love, so trust that they and you will find ways to make this season special. Honestly, a few of my favorite memories with my husband pre-baby are all completely doable in the age of COVID: long morning walks together with our dog; food adventures that took us an hour to drive to (you could do carry out and then eat in a park/back at home or even in your car); watching all of the Harry Potter movies in our basement; picking up to-go sundaes from Margie’s Candies (we lived in Chicago at the time).

A few plus sides to pregnancy in the COVID-era — easier to disguise that you aren’t drinking if you’re in your first trimester (ha!) and less pressure to go out when you don’t feel like it (basically the entirety of both my pregnancies).

Thinking of you, friend. Pregnancy is enough of an emotional roller coaster without this damned virus on top of it all.

P.S. My baby registry, baby gear I wish I’d known about earlier, and how to build a layette.

Q: Any cute baby Halloween costume ideas?

A: I love the textured animal costumes from Princess Paradise — mini was this bee two years ago and I’m pretty sure micro will be inheriting that this fall. There is also a super cute lamb one and a sweet pig one. I love the loopy texture of these costumes — look so much cuter than a lot of the other velour/plush styles out there.

For itty bitties, I love this little knit giraffe set.

Last year, mini wore this Cinderella dress (it has the most amazing hoop skirt!) with these glitter shoes.

P.S. Halloween jammies for your little one!

Q: I need a dress for a wedding in Aspen in two weeks. I forgot how to dress!

A: I actually think it might have snowed there earlier this week — yikes! Pack layers! A few wedding guest dresses I’m loving…

THIS LBD (ON CRAZY SALE FOR ONLY $115 WOW WOW WOW)

THIS PRINTED MAXI HAS AN AUTUMNAL FEEL TO IT I LOVE…AS DOES THIS, THANKS TO LONG SLEEVES

ASPEN TENDS TO BE ON THE MORE CASUAL SIDE IN GENERAL BUT DEPENDS OF COURSE ON THE WEDDING — SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM SEA WOULD BE AMAZING IF MORE OF A RANCH FEEL

THIS OPEN-BACKED SATIN IS A KNOCK-OUT (WOW), ESPECIALLY WITH PEARL ACCESSORIES

THIS DRAMATIC ROTATE DRESS IS GUARANTEED TO TURN HEADS

THE BRAND VAMPIRE’S WIFE IS HAVING A MAJOR MOMENT RIGHT NOW — IT FEELS VERY ASPEN, TOO

AMAZING DARK FLORAL

MY DREAM WEDDING GUEST DRESS

Enjoy!!!

Q: I’m looking for a piece of jewelry that pays homage to my children. Any recommendations? I’d prefer a necklace but am open to options.

A: So sweet! There are a lot of great options in this roundup of stunning every day jewelry, but I love an engraved gold disc necklace like this (endlessly customizable — initials, nicknames, dates, etc.) or the child silhouette pendants from Aurelia Demark if you’re looking for a splurge.

Q: Do you have any marriage best practices?

A: I’m so flattered you’d ask me this. I feel like my parents are probably better suited to answer this after 35 years of marriage, but here are some of the things that really keep us connected:

1. Saying I love you multiple times a day.

2. Aligning our thoughts with one another every single night, often over dinner or a glass of wine. Sometimes it’s a free-form chat and other times, we march our way through a tick-list of action items (meal planning, what to buy so-and-so for a birthday, thoughts on how to ease drop-off with mini, etc — we call these “STPs” or “Shoop Talking Points”).

3. Giving one another the space and respect to continue to evolve and grow and pursue our own interests. I think one reason Mr. Magpie is so attractive to me is that he is deeply curious by nature, always burrowing deep into his own interests — many of which I frankly do not share. I think having separate pastimes is healthy and reminds me to step outside my little bubble and see him as the incredibly smart, passionate person he is.

And, as with any relationship, be kind. Offer the benefit of the doubt.

Q: Statement booties for fall? (I’m not crazy about the Paris Texas python ones, FYI.)

A: I am obsessed with these kitten heeled beauties from Talbots. I owned them last season and Talbots generously just sent me a new pair for this fall. I wore them constantly. Isabel Marant always does the coolest fall boots — wear these and instantly channel your inner Parisienne. For something sportier, I love these Ganni quilted “hiking” boots. Also love these versatile booties from Zara — the perfect height for tucking skinny jeans into — and of course you know I love these pearled ones from Nicholas Kirkwood.

P.S. More boots and dresses for fall here.

Q: What are some fun Halloween traditions we can do given that trick or treating is canceled this year?

A: I have learned that surprise balloons / decor go a long way in making a toddler excited about just about anything. I will be hanging these bats on our walls (we did this the last two years, too) and maybe hanging BOO balloons or these cool spider ones.

Our tentative plan is to have my brother-in-law and sister over and to have trick or treating in different rooms of our apartment with different treats at each stop.

And then Emory LOVES the Charlie Brown pumpkin movie, which we played for her last Halloween and I anticipate we will also play for her this year.

Little things like dying cream cheese orange for bagels or decorating Halloween cookies with themed sprinkles also go a long away.

Q: Where should I buy charms for my necklace? (Under $75 please!)

A: Helen Ficalora has some fun options in that price range in sterling silver — I like the dog bone for my pup and the airplane would be a cool remembrance of a great trip. I also have had good luck hunting around Etsy if I’m seeking something specific, like the Eiffel tower to remember my favorite trip ever with my parents. The key to finding good stuff on Etsy? Look for strong reviews by previous buyers and also number of sales — if they’ve done thousands of transactions with 4.5 or 5 stars, you’re probably safe. If they accept returns, that’s another good sign that they’ll stand behind their products.

Happy hunting!

Q: What is the age difference between your children? Pros/cons?

A: Mini and micro are just over two years (26 months) apart. I don’t really have a point of comparison, so take what I have to say on this subject with a grain of salt, but two years felt like the right timing for us largely for selfish reasons — because I’d finally emerged from the haze of caring for a little baby, felt like I had a grasp on myself as a mother, and yet was still enough in the headspace of baby care that I felt it would be easy to snap back into place without having to re-learn anything (ha ha ha — how naive; there is nothing so humbling as a second child! That said, I did have a kind of muscle memory when it came to soothing, rocking, intuiting what steps to follow in a crying fest, etc). I don’t know how mothers with two under two (or less) do it, and my hat is off to you, permanently.

On a more general level, being one of five children and all of us around two years apart from one another, I also liked the age gap growing up — we were close enough in age to hang out and have mutual interests but far apart enough in age to have different friends and not feel as though we were competing for the same things.

I will say that for nearly 3.5 years, we have rarely gotten a full night of sleep. My hunch is that if you spaced your children out further, you might be able to get back into a normal sleep groove for at least a little stretch of time. (Or maybe you will just be better than I am at sleep training!) But babies and toddlers wake up a lot! And wake up early! And it is exhausting. We have been in a major sleep regression of sorts with both of our kids recently between teething and mini getting out of bed in the middle of the night and it is rough.

Q: Serveware recommendations? I’m hosting some people (finally!) and looking for some chic options.

A: I shared some of my absolute favorite serveware at the bottom of this post. (Ah, remember when we could entertain girlfriends on a whim?) In general, food always shows so beautifully against white dishes. I am drawn to pieces like this scalloped style from Crate and Barrel, these footed bowls (so fun to have different heights to add dimension to the sideboard/tablescape), this shallow bowl (it’s just asking for a big mound of spaghetti with meatballs!), and this footed compote (I’m imagining Thanksgiving sides served up here).

P.S. More magpie mail here and here.

P.P.S. Statement sweaters for fall.

By: Jen Shoop

A couple of recent finds I thought I’d share — almost all of them under $22:

ADORABLE FALL HIGH TOPS IN OLIVE GREEN — I WISH THEY WEREN’T SOLD OUT IN THE LEATHER IN HIS SIZE OR I’D BUY THOSE TOO

CUTE STRIPED LOUNGEWEAR FOR POST-BATH/RAINY DAYS

CLASSIC CABLEKNIT SWEATER FOR $17

FUN MONSTER BANDAIDS

HILL LOVES THESE MAGNETIC ANIMALS!

CLASSIC OSH KOSH IN FALL NAVY CORDUROY

SWEETEST KNIT ROMPER — MAYBE THE LAST MONTH I CAN GET AWAY WITH HIM IN THIS KIND OF GETUP

EASY COTTON JUMPSUIT IN FOREST GREEN ($14!)

ADORABLE CORDUROY BUBBLE

CUTEST STRIPED TEES

THIS $22 PUFFER VEST IN THE KHAKI COLOR

Finally, two items over $22, but I bought micro his first pair of Natives a few weeks ago in fire engine red (the best) and boys Lacoste long-sleeved polos are on sale for 40% off plus free shipping! Ordered in white and navy for fall.

P.S. A love note to my son.

By: Jen Shoop

Oo la la, here we come fall trends. And all of these scores are available for under $100.

PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS OVER THE CLOUD SOCKS FROM BROTHER VELLIES (SIMILAR TO THOSE SEEN ABOVE)

CLASSIC CABLEKNIT SWEATER (SIMILAR TO ONE SEEN ABOVE — SIZE UP FOR A ROOMY LOOK AND PAIR WITH WHITE SKINNIES)

CHANEL-ESQUE TEXTURED WEAVE COAT

THIS $28 PLAID RUFFLE DRESS IS DOEN-LIKE PERFECTION

OK, $4 OVER, BUT THIS LEOPARD DRESS IS CRAZY CHIC FOR THE PRICE

LOVE THIS TIE-FRONT BLOUSE

THIS PUFF SLEEVED SWEATER (SO DARLING)

THIS $45 PAIR OF MANOLO-ESQUE SUEDE MULES

HAVE ALREADY TALKED YOUR EAR OFF ABOUT THIS $25 COLLARED SWEATSHIRT (I OWN IN GRAY)

DON’T USUALLY GO FOR RED, BUT THIS SWEATER IS CAN’T-MISS IN THE CARDINAL RED HUE, ESP WITH SOME SHARP LOAFERS (OR THESE GUCCI-ESQUE ONES FOR $100)

TWO OTHER MAJOR COLLAR MOMENTS: THIS SEA-LIKE DREAM ($89) AND THIS TOPSHOP SCORE ($58)*

IF YOU’RE NOT INTO THE CRAZY COLLAR SIZE BUT STILL WANT SOMETHING INTERESTING/DRAMATIC, THIS BLOUSE ($59) IS YOUR TICKET

THIS ISABEL-MARANT-ESQUE KNIT GILET (SEE THE ISABEL ORIGINAL HERE) — CUTE OVER A RIBBED HEATHER SWEATER LIKE THIS

THIS FUN FRILLED BLOUSE (ON SALE FOR UNDER $40)

OBSESSED WITH THIS CROC-TRIM TOTE

*More on the exaggerated collars trend here.

P.S. I just finished listening to Ruth Reichl’s memoir — will probably write a longer review in an upcoming post on audiobooks, but had to say that I very much enjoyed this. I found it a little slow to start but the more you get to know Ruth, the more you love her. She is thoughtful, wide-eyed, down-to-earth, and absolutely spectacular when writing about food. There is nothing particularly dramatic or intense about the book: it is instead an artful recounting of her career at the helm of Gourmet magazine (RIP), and it touches on life lessons, leadership, and gratitude. But mainly, the food writing is excellent. More of what I’m reading and listening to here. What about you? Did you make your way through any of my summer reading picks?

P.P.S. High-end looks for less.

P.P.P.S. A love letter to my husband.

By: Jen Shoop

*Our bed is Serena & Lily, as are the throw pillows; linens are Hill House.

This post is truly helter-skelter, but below, a list of my favorite products for my three-year-old: the hero-status items I lean on every single day.

+Re-Play Divided Plates. These are absolutely the best. Dishwasher- and microwave-safe, unfussy and attractive in design, and the wells are deep enough to hold even liquids (like soups, or oatmeal, or cereal).

+Activity Trays. Very Montessori of me, but I use these trays all the time, even when just presenting mini with some dot markers and sheets to fill in, or organizing the components of a little project — just a contained little space to place all elements of an activity. But they’re also excellent for sensory play, just deep enough that they are ideal for creating sandscapes with kinetic sand, or pools of water for little animals to play in. I also have one permanently filled with a mountain of crayons that we use close to daily in these parts. These trays are sturdy and easy to clean. Love.

+iPad Holder (seen above). Mini gets iPad time most days (now with school back in session we actually find we skip this most school days), and this sturdy silicon holder has prevented her from destroying the iPad (dropping, throwing, etc.). It also stands upright on a surface, so great for planes / tabletop use.

+Crayola Dropz. Mini is occasionally resistant at bath time, and this under-$4 snag has saved me countless times by giving her some measure of control over bath time. Once she starts dragging her feet, I ask her “do you want to put dropz in the water, or bubbles, or nothing?” And she usually perks right up with the option of dying her bath tub fun colors.

+Micro Kickboard Scooter. The go-to for Manhattan parents — these are all over the city, and with good reason. They are perfectly designed for small children and the handles are adjustable so the board can grow with your little one. We see children as young as just under two using them! They are essential when walking somewhere that’s just a little too far for little feet, but not far enough to necessitate the Subway/a taxi.

+Bugaboo Ride Along Board. Another brilliant product for city parents: we attach this to the back of our stroller so mini can sit (or stand) when she’s too tired to walk. It took us a couple of months for her to accept this — she used to jump off all the time. But just when she turned three, she started to love it. It does make the stroller a little bit more awkward to push and you kind of have to walk to the side while it’s deployed, but it also does fold up / can be removed when not in use.

+Camelbak Water Bottles. These have been our favorite water bottles for Emory since she was about two — she “got” how to drink out of them very quickly, they hold a lot of water, and they wash nicely. I also like the whimsical designs. Perhaps most importantly, they do not spill when “closed,” so mini usually takes one to bed with her.

+Sunbutter. Mini’s favorite lunch is peanut butter and jelly. I have to work hard at keeping it to only once or twice a week — she’d eat it every day if she had her druthers! Like most schools, mini’s is a nut-free environment, so was relieved to discover sunbutter tastes similar but has no nuts.

+California Baby Detangler. I love this lavender-scented mist, which detangles but also seems to condition mini’s hair. I first got hooked on it the summer she took swimming lessons and went to the pool/beach a few times. It was so good for her hair post-swim. We’ve been in love ever since.

+Mason Pearson Child’s Brush. Somehow both gentle and incredibly effective. I remember when I was growing up, my mom had a few brushes, and we all begged her to use “the soft brush,” which was roughly the equivalent of using a soft washcloth to brush our hair — aka, it did nothing. I vowed not to fall into that trap and invested in one good brush thus pre-empting the inevitable fight over the brush / the softness of the bristles / etc. We’ll use this one until she leaves for college — ha. I also swear by these cheap

+Goody Elastics and Hair Clips. Can you tell we spend a lot of time doing hair around here? Ha. I feel like I’m forever re-tying her hair — she’s at such a busy age and it’s a battle to keep it out of her face. I honestly prefer the tiny latex elastics as they hold hair so much more tightly but they always break her hair, so I try to stick to these, which are must gentler and less likely to get caught in hair. And the hair clips? Yes, a little bit reminiscent of my obsession with the 90s US Olympic gymnasts, but they really keep her hair out of her face.

+Wee Ones Bows. Really high quality and love that many of them are available via Prime, aka when you need a coordinating bow and FAST. She also wears two braids or two pigtails frequently, and in that case, I love these super cheap little bows. Inferior quality to Wee Ones, but they’re the perfect size for pigtails and they come in good colors (mauve and mint are amazing).

+Bitsy’s Brain Food Cookies. Mini is a fairly picky eater. She does eat from all the food groups every day and there are several vegetables she loves (cucumber, carrots, peas, broccoli, and green beans), so I am trying to just push through this phase without getting too worked up about it, but it does drive me crazy when she will insist she “doesn’t like” something without ever having tried it. Or, worse, when she’s had it before and liked it. Anyway, I am all for any shortcuts to introducing extra vegetables into her diet, and she loves these cookies, which are packed with stuff like beets, sweet potato, and zucchini — aka things I have failed at cajoling her into trying in other formats.

+Native Shoes. I’m pretty sure every parent loves these shoes. Blissfully easy to keep clean (literally just hose ’em down), all-terrain (aka can traipse through splashpads and puddles), and easy for mini to pull on herself. Just perfect.

+Petite Plume Nightgowns. Mini has been in a nightgown phase since she was around two and change and what a delight! Not only are they precious, but they are easier to put on at the end of the day (does anyone else spend a good five or six minutes chasing her child around, begging her to step into her pajama pants and wriggle into the top? Just me?) AND they last so much longer than pajamas in the sense that mini still has a few nightgowns sized 2T that she can squeeze into! And her current size 4T will probably last another year, too. The Petite Plume brand makes the most darling designs and they are extremely well-made.

+Silicon Cloud Mat. I originally bought these to use when out at restaurants but we actually use them at every single meal time. So easy to clean her spot after dinner.

What are your favorite toddler products?

P.S. The best toys.

P.P.S. Tips on supporting literacy for little ones during coronavirus.

P.P.P.S. Oh, motherhood and thoughts on remaining interesting to your husband after having children.

By: Jen Shoop

We emerged from the Queens Midtown Tunnel after two days of driving and two months of frenetic activity preparing for a cross-country move with an infant, a 60-pound dog, and the emotional strain of shuttering the business we had built together and selling the house we had bought on our own. It was nightfall, and after the submerged white noise and claustrophobia of the tunnel and the hours of rolling Pennsylvania country side before it, Manhattan was a shock. Buildings shot up around us, miniaturizing us on our uptown pilgrimage. The streets were dotted through with lights and signs of life: footfall, yells, figures jaywalking across the blare of headlights, the scent of street cart gyros. I lingered somewhere between fear and relief: we had made it. But I wasn’t sure what “it” entailed.

How will this ever feel like home? I wondered as Mr. Magpie navigated his way up 8th Avenue. Even from inside the familiar pod of our car, fumbling to calm the familiar cries of my travel-wearied eight-month-old baby, New York appeared inhospitable: all sidewalk and bluster, movement and know-how. And yet just beyond my intimidation, I felt a shiver of excitement.

Have you ever seen New York City at night?

She’s the height of glamor and promise. The garishness and no-nonsense of daytime recede and the city runs electric with sophistication and possibility. She is slick and resplendent and — there is no other way to say it — impossibly cool in a distinctively American way.

I felt that then and I feel that now, three years into living here, and six months into living through a pandemic amongst its shadows and concrete. She still moves at night.

A reader once wrote that it takes ten years to officially become a New Yorker. That’s probably true. Do tenured Manhattanites still feel awestruck by the shape of the city under stars? Does she still provoke and intimidate and overwhelm even a decade into living here? Because I still stare blinkingly at the towering cityscape while rounding The Pond on the Southeast corner of Central Park. There is a building being erected down there, on 57th Street, that is so horrifyingly tall and jarringly blue that its sight transports me into a fantasy world and I feel as though it is simply not possible that I live here, that I call this cluster of ambition and dream a home. And sometimes — even on the well-worn paths I take to walk my dog and ferry my children to Central Park, even when I know which corners to avoid and which lights will be red based on the speed of my footfall — I feel myself float outside my body and I stare back at the 36-year-old mother-of-two walking quickly with her stroller and air of unimpressed purpose and I think, “What must it be like to live in New York?”

I used to ask this to myself when I visited my sister here in my 20s and could not wrap my head around the narrow four-story ascent her walk-up commanded of her multiple times a day, or the couple hundred square feet in which she lived. “Where do you keep your pots and pans?” I asked, bewildered, eyeing the Bunson-burner-like cooktop on the counter. “You mean pot and pan,” she returned, gesturing to the tiny stack on top of her narrow refrigerator. “There aren’t many plurals when you’re living in New York.” And I felt — in her unperturbed acceptance of this condition of city living — rube-like and unbecoming.

Yes, what must it be like to live here? I would wonder when we would walk through Central Park with the leaves just-turning and the light just-hitting and I could barely suppress my swooning interjections: “I can’t believe this is real and that you live on this movie set of a scene.” And then again when she would insist we take the Subway against my cringing protestations, and would remain entirely unphased by its grit and stink and occasional unseemliness. And when she would tuck us into a tiny ramen spot, dodging rainfall, and we would wait for an unbearable hour for a table, elbow-jockeying for space among unperturbable New Yorkers, and then slurp up the most outrageously delicious and satisfying broth I’d ever tasted in my life. And when I would spy on mothers my age corralling their toddlers down the sidewalks, or depositing their school-age children in the narrow apertures of intimidating stone buildings on bustling streets, or toting yoga mats under their arms as they scurried off to exercise, blase and busy. And when I would watch the city fly by through the window of a taxi cab, and feel the rush of her air in my hair and find myself stirred by her flashiness and elegance all at once.

“We live in New York City?!” Mr. Magpie and I will occasionally ask one another, a propos of nothing, mystified by how we got here and how we live here. We aren’t really New York types, I don’t think. I am too sensitive and he is too decorous. We are better suited to a suburban kind of lifestyle: quiet and manicured, far from the maddening crowd.

But we do live here. And I still haven’t worked out what it is like, three years in. Even though living through the pandemic has thrown a wrench into that reckoning — leaving me, strangely, missing the city in which I apparently reside — I still find myself awestruck by her in all the same ways I was when I first emerged from the Midtown Queens Tunnel three Septembers ago:

Still a shock,

Still glittering at night.

Post-Scripts.

+More on what it’s felt like to live here during COVID-19.

+I’d forgotten about this little piece I wrote about New York by night — a different take on its majesty. That’s the funny thing about New York: she is full of contradictions. I know the exact sensation I was writing into submission in this post, while walking Tilly down by Columbus Circle. That corner of the city feels comfortable to me because it was the first place I ever lived here. But she still feels like a shock.

+If you live in a city, you might appreciate this post on great gear for small apartments.

+I am so in love with these scallop-trim napkins. I have to order them.

+Love the sophisticated vibe of this H&M collaboration — especially this dress, which I would love to pair with my Paris Texas snakeskin boots. (Thanks to Nancy for sharing this with me!)

+If you are looking to make a handbag investment and want to know what’s cool in these parts, two words: Bottega Veneta. I’m drooling over this, which is so downtown Manhattan I wouldn’t even recognize myself wearing it. Also comes in an even larger, flashier size.

+The pick-up line uniform for moms at mini’s downtown school: Birkenstocks and a designer crossbody. I stick out like a sore thumb because I wear sundresses most days, but I am unabashedly conforming by buying a pair of these clog boots, de rigueur amongst the moms there, as the cool weather settles. They are practical and chic!

+Your guide to fall sweaters.

+I’m actually dead over this shearling coat. It is OUTRAGEOUSLY chic. It’s pricey at $500 but it seriously looks like it could be Burberry or something well north of $2K. I will be eyeing this carefully for a discount.

+OK, THIS DRESS?! What! Like a Givenchy or something. Where can I wear this?! Oh my gosh, fall fashion is really making me excited.

+My bedroom is in need of a little refresh. Eyeing one of these dramatic pique monogram applique bolsters.

+Love these Manolo Blahnik-inspired mules ($45!)

+Currently on my shopping list.

+This intarsia bow sweater for littles is reminiscent of Gucci.

+And these $118 flats are reminiscent of the Mansur Gavriels I’ve been swooning over.

+Super-versatile top — on-trend but also conservative somehow. Love.

+Lunch box notes for your little one.

+Mark D. Sikes’ new book is out!

+I rarely do black when dressing up but DAMN the tailoring of this dress!!!

+In case you were wondering, Westman Atelier’s Foundation Stick is unbelievable.

+Going way back: the story of our move to New York, Parts I and II.

+Little luxuries for even tiny apartments.

By: Jen Shoop

Just a quick note to say that many of the Labor Day sales (which were awesome this year, no?) are wrapping up tonight if they haven’t gone already — and a few of my favorite scores still available:

1 // This cableknit throw was handily the most popular item on my blog last week, and is currently on sale plus free shipping with code SAVEMORE.

2 // Hadn’t realized Todd Snyder — Mr. Magpie’s favorite outfitter — is running an extra 30% off sale with code LABORDAY30 until this morning. I bought him another pair of these twill pants (only like $30 with code — what?!) and he already owns this striped cashmere blend sweater, which is now around $40 (!)

2 // These blockprint jammies, on sale for 40% off plus an extra 10% off with code BYESUMMER. I absolutely love J. Crew’s “dreamy” fabric — it is second-skin and SO soft.

3 // Veronica Beard griffin loafers — no longer eligible for the extra 20% off sale in the croc colorway I bought, but still an insane deal at $105 (down from $350). The quality is CRAZY for the price. So much so that I am contemplating buying a second pair in the leopard print, on sale for only $79 in most sizes, and I wish I’d snagged the python ($75, only one size left).

4 // My beloved brass sconces (currently flank our TV / media console in our living room) are at a great discount — a pair for $110 with code SAVEMORE.

5 // Some of my favorite pieces from CPC Kids and Busy Bees are 30-50% off at Maisonette. Such a good time to buy to stock up for next summer. I adore this classic dress (mini has owned in multiple patterns), this boy’s romper (Hill has owned this exact stripe in several sizes already), and I just got Hill this late-summer shortall set. I’m trying to focus on fall clothes but he has run through so many pairs of clothes and I need a little fresh piece to get us through to cold weather. Hill also has several pairs of these corduroy overalls for fall!

6 // I find Lil Cactus brand to be inferior in quality to a lot of the brands offering traditional children’s clothing, BUT I have to say we got a lot of mileage out of this brown gingham romper (currently only $17) this summer, so I’m ordering this gingham overall set ($19!) for fall. I am also eyeing this mallard-smocked check dress for mini — I love the colors — and this eye-catching gray floral (imagine with gray ribbed rights).

7 // With fall temps on the horizon, I am excited to break out cozy slippers. Eyeing these (40% off)!

NOT on sale, but a gorgeous stationer, Love Lucy Designs, just re-opened her shop as a pop up after a hiatus and she has the coolest designs. I am ordering a set of these block-print notecards for Mr. Magpie and am deeply tempted by these darling craft closet organization stickers.

P.S. A crazy splurge, but this Khaite velvet top is like a John Singer Sargent painting waiting to happen. WOW.

By: Jen Shoop

*Image above from TorySport, showcasing this tee shirt.

My commitment to exercise has been spotty at best for the past two years, since becoming pregnant with Hill. I have not been able to get into a routine that I can stick with, as I consistently prioritize other things in this busy season of life. I’ve been making peace with that reality, but wanted to be honest about it here: I do not have it all together in this regard (and in many other regards, come to think of it)! I exercise when I can and try to enjoy focusing on other things when I can’t. I know I’ll find my way back into a routine at some point in the next few years. I’m too vain not to. (Ha!)

Chic athletic clothes make it easier to clip back in to my running regimen from time to time though…below, a few recent finds that have motivated a delinquent return to fitness:

JUST ORDERED THESE LEGGINGS IN THE LAVENDER SMOKE — PEOPLE ARE OBSESSED WITH HOW FLATTERING THESE ARE

ALSO EYEING THE COORDINATING BRA — I LIKE THE SKINNY STRAPS (#90SAREBACKBABY)

ORDERED A HANDFUL OF THESE LOOSE-FIT TANKS ($12?!?!? AND COME IN GREAT COLORS) — I PREFER TO RUN IN LOOSER FIT TOPS LIKE THESE; WISH THEY WEREN’T SOLD OUT IN THE LONG-SLEEVED STYLE IN MY SIZE

BALA WRIST WEIGHTS (THESE SELL OUT CONSTANTLY — CURRENTLY 25% OFF WITH CODE HURRY25; MORE HERE; IF SOLD OUT BY THE TIME THIS POST GOES LIVE, TRY THESE SIMILAR ONES ON AMAZON)

TORY’S TIE DYE LEGGINGS AND TOPS ALWAYS SELL OUT

I’M NOT USUALLY A CROP TOP GAL BUT I LOVE THE CASUAL STYLE AND COLORS OF THIS TANK

I’M A TOTAL CONVERT TO FEETURES RUNNING SOCKS — THEY ARE DELICIOUSLY CUSHIONED AND THEY HUG THE FOOT SO NICELY

FUN SCALLOP-BOTTOM SWEATSHIRT ($20) FOR POST-WORKOUT LOUNGE

CONSIDERING THIS SWEATSHIRT IN THE COOL PUTTY COLOR — LOVE THE FIT/STYLE

FINALLY PULLED THE TRIGGER ON A PAIR OF THESE HIGHLY-PRAISED $30 LEGGINGS — WILL REPORT BACK

WELL-PRICED RUNNING SHORTS WITH GREAT REVIEWS (UNDER $20)

ALSO SMITTEN WITH THESE PAINT-SPLATTERED LEGGINGS AND MATCHING BRA

Lastly, running gear I’ve owned for awhile and can’t live without:

MY PLANTRONICS WATERPROOF EARBUDS (CONNECT TO PHONE USING BLUETOOTH — VIRTUALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE AND WILL NOT FALL OUT OF EARS WHILE ACTIVE)

OBSESSED WITH MY RUNNING SHOES

DORKY BUT I LIVE FOR THIS NO-BOUNCE RUNNING BELT BAG TO CARRY MY IPHONE, KEY, AND CREDIT CARD

I OWN BOTH A GARMIN RUNNING WATCH AND AN APPLE WATCH (I USE AN INEXPENSIVE PINK ATHLETIC BAND WITH IT)…BOTH ARE GREAT BUT GARMIN IS BETTER FOR SERIOUS RUNNING: EASIER TO USE, MORE ACCURATE, AND HOLDS A CHARGE FOR LONGER

THE ALIGN 25″ CAPRIS ARE STILL MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE (MOST COMFORTABLE) LEGGINGS FOR RUNNING…AND RUNNING ERRANDS

ALSO LOVE THESE HIGH-WAIST MOTO LEGGINGS — CURRENTLY ON SALE FOR 40% OFF!

NIKE RUNNING HAT — KEEPS SUN OUT OF MY EYES

I DON’T CARRY WATER WHILE RUNNING, BUT THIS IS MY FAVORITE SPORTS NOZZLE BOTTLE WHEN I AM HIKING/DOING OTHER EXERCISE

P.S. On maintaining hobbies.

P.P.S. Tennis-inspired finds, whether you play or not. (This $27 tee was very popular from this post.)

P.P.P.S. On self-image after giving birth.

By: Jen Shoop

This month’s woman of substance is the lovely Julia Webb, founder and CEO of Mommy Wipes, the clever and helpful individually-wrapped stain cleaning wipes that I’ve mentioned several times on the blog over the past few months and that now have a permanent place in my diaper bag. I love featuring strong female entrepreneurs of all stripes but I have to say I was particularly motivated to track Julia down because I could tell that hers was a product built by a mother looking for a better (more convenient, safer!) solution, and what is more inspiring than a woman who sees a problem, takes matters into her own hands, and creates something new?

Julia’s founding story did not surprise me in this regard: “One day I was complaining that I couldn’t stay clean for two minutes while around my kids,” she explained, “and my husband said, ‘You should create a wipe for that.’ And I thought it was a great idea. After fighting my fears I set out to find a manufacturer to help me develop Mommy Wipes.”

“Between food flying, drinks spilling, makeup smearing, and infants spitting up,” she explained, “a parent’s clothes are destined to attract stains.”

I can say from first-hand experience that Julia’s wipes are excellent to keep on hand for the inevitable spill or smear while outside of the home. They also work well on stroller seats and infant carriers — mine are always a mess between sunscreen and snacks and these enable me to clean up even difficult-to-launder materials/products.

Below, get to know Julia a little bit better by reading her inspiring answers to my Proust Questionnaire:

Your favorite qualities in a woman.
Strength, feminism, and empathy. I admire women who aren’t afraid to show their strength, women who support and uplift other women, and
women who are grounded and empathetic.

Your favorite heroine.
Tamika Mallory. She’s so courageous and I really respect her tenacity for social justice.

Your main fault.
Being too humble. One thing I constantly hear that women do — and I’m guilty of it, too — is that we sometimes downplay our achievements, experience, or accolades. A year ago, I saw a quote that read “stop shrinking yourself to make others feel big.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been shrinking myself so others wouldn’t feel intimidated or perceive me as a “know it all” or “arrogant.” However, I now realize that I can be bold and confident — characteristics that do not equate with being boastful or insensitive.

Your greatest strength.
Perseverance.

Your idea of happiness.
Spending time with my children while traveling scenic destinations.

Your idea of misery.
Lately, I have been so distraught by the unlawful killings of Black Americans that I haven’t watched the news. I’m an avid cable news viewer and I’ve been staying away from social media–not because I want to, but
because I’ve been feeling a deep pain that’s sticking with me a lot more than ever before and all I can do to cope with the anguish is close my eyes from the unfortunate reality.

Currently at the top of your shopping lust list.
Patio decor and Mixtiles.

Desert island beauty product.
Undefined Glow Gelee. I love it. I have sensitive skin, so when I find a product that doesn’t break me out, I’m obsessed!

Last thing you bought.
Cinnamon and vanilla extract.

I feel most empowered wearing…
Earrings and red lipstick.

Favorite Magpie post.
Magpie Book Club: Isabel Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns. Someone gifted this book to me a couple of months ago, but I decided to read Caste by Isabel Wilkerson first.

Channel Julia Webb…

Channel Julia’s stylish, practical motherhood vibe by shopping any of the Julia-inspired finds below (click images or see notes below for product details).

ALICE + OLIVIA SWEATER // ISABEL WILKERSON’S CASTE // KOSAS LIPSTICK // SESSUN TROUSERS // BALLERINA DOLL // NIELSEN-MASSEY VANILLA // THE ROW SANDALS // UNDEFINED BEAUTY GLOW GELEE // TODDLER MOTO LEGGINGS // MZ WALLACE MEDIUM METRO TOTE // MOMMY WIPES // VEJA TODDLER SNEAKERS // RE-PLAY TODDLER CUPS // BRAVEJUSTICE COLLAPSIBLE SNACK CUP // BABYZEN YOYO STROLLER // TRUFFLE CO TECH POUCH

P.S. More women of substance profiles here. Do you have someone you want to nominate? Email your suggestions to jennifer@thefashionmagpie.com.

P.P.S. On fighting coronavirus in my tiny Manhattan apartment with two small children.

P.P.P.S. Recent Amazon finds and Halloween jammies for little ones.

By: Jen Shoop

Mirrors are such an incredible design accent for a home. They make small spaces feel bigger and are often a considerably more reasonable investment than fine artwork. I am sharing a couple of incredible spaces designed by one of my favorite interior designers, Amy Berry, that prominently showcase interesting mirrors above and below. I love the way she tends to use the mirror frame to create interesting contrast in either color or style with the rest of the room’s design.

A couple of my favorite mirrors for home right now…

THIS DRAMATIC FOLIAGE MIRROR, WHICH WOULD LOOK INCREDIBLE AGAINST A BOLD WALLPAPER IN A POWDER ROOM

THE OOMPH HOME NEWPORT MIRROR, SEEN IN THE LAST PHOTO ABOVE

A CUSTOM GRASSCLOTH MIRROR (REASONABLY PRICED!!)

AN ELEGANT BAMBOO MIRROR SIMILAR TO THE ONE SHOWN IN THE FIRST AND THIRD PHOTOS ABOVE

(OR A SLIGHTLY BOLDER BAMBOO STYLE HERE)

THIS BOYISH ROUND MIRROR, SIMILAR TO THE ONE SHOWN IN THE SAFARI-THEMED NURSERY ABOVE (THAT ONE IS FROM PALECEK AND ABOUT 3X THE PRICE)

SCALLOPED WHITE MIRROR (LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS)

A HANDSOME BRASS MIRROR AT A GREAT PRICE (IMAGINE TWO OF THESE OVER HIS AND HERS SINKS WITH COORDINATING BRASS HARDWARE)

A MINI ROPE MIRROR FOR ABOVE THE BEDSIDE TABLE OF A LITTLE BOY’S ROOM OR A GALLERY WALL

A DRAMATIC RATTAN MIRROR FOR UNDER $150 (AND FREE SHIP!)

DARLING BEADED MIRROR FOR A LITTLE ONE’S NURSERY

THESE GILT MIRRORS HAVE SUCH A LOVELY FEMININE QUALITY TO THEM…SWOON

LOVE THIS COASTAL STYLE MIRROR

EPIC FIND: THIS LONG, PRETTY WICKER MIRROR IS UNBELIEVABLY PRICED AT UNDER $200

GORGEOUS BONE INLAY STATEMENT

P.S. Amazing nursery finds.

P.P.S. My New York apartment judges me. (Fun to reread this now, as we have not lived in Louise in nearly a year now!)

P.P.P.S. On living in NY during the peak of COVID.

By: Jen Shoop

First: Happy Labor Day sale shopping! I will be updating this post with all my latest sale finds/scores. One sale that ends today is on my beloved gray Superga sneakers, which I wear season after season with everything from dresses to denim and are currently under $30. (Check out the entire Superga sale section here.)

My Latest Snags: Veronica Beard Flats + A Quilted Coat for Fall.

Just reiterating two items I’ve shared a number of times this week that I am CRAZY excited about: first, these Veronica Beard croc flats, which I snagged for $84 (originally $350). I had been looking for a new casual loafer for fall and my front-runner had been a pair of these camo Rothys, which people go wild over (very comfortable). The VBs are SO chic and had to happen thanks to the ultra-steep discount! I can’t wait to wear them with dark denim and fun fall sweaters. I know that they are only available in limited sizes at VB, but Shopbop has a couple of pairs of these flats in different prints/materials on sale for even less ($79) — love these leopard ones and these python ones. Did I mention they are only $79?! You can’t even get a pair from J. Crew for that price, and VB’s quality is infinitely superior. If you’re hell-bent on the light brown croc color I have but they’re sold out in your size on VB, you can find them here for $169.

I also received the CUTEST quilted coat from Talbot’s the other day. I got the black (I guess I really am turning into a Manhattanite…) and took the P size in petites. It fits me perfectly — I am 5’0 and usually wear a size XS or 0 for reference. I absolutely love the length, which is slimming and elongating. I also own a Barbour quilted coat that I love for fall, but I am delighted by the longer length of the Talbot’s coat, which makes it feel a little bit more versatile (it could be dressed up a little bit with spiffy flats or worn over a dress). And the hood is so fun! Anyway, very impressed with quality and can’t wait to wear this as we transition to fall…I also have to say that I really got a lot of mileage out of Everlane’s liner jacket (currently on sale) last fall. It’s thin so not great for weather under, say, 40-45 degrees, but perfect for layering when the temperatures are still turning.

You’re Sooooo Popular: Floral Dress.

The most popular items on le blog this week:

+This beautiful floral dress, which is reminiscent of Zimmermann.

+Gorgeous hand-dipped taper candles in the prettiest rainbow of colors.

+My Thanksgiving dinner dress.

+Gorgeous pearl statement headband for $15.

+The Revlon one-step. (On sale!)

+And an easy-to-wear everyday dress for under $35.

+Just one pair of these fun (very popular) Loeffler Randall sandals left — only $75! I own these, too! I also found them on sale in black here.

+A ribbed cashmere sweater for fall. Love.

+I need these pajamas.

+Moms love this inexpensive nursing nightgown!

+Cutest eyelet shift dress for under $30.

+I’m convinced this is the best eyebrow gel on the market and so are many of you!

Weekend Musings: Tricks for Staying Composed During a Presentation.

I always get nervous before a public speaking engagement or big presentation. At the moment, these opportunities are admittedly few and far between both because of my current career path and coronavirus, but I still find myself leaning on a few tricks I learned from a couple of speech coaches back when I was routinely pitching my business in various venues (at pitch competitions, in front of VCs, and in various other promotional settings) and, before that, when I was delivering talks as a the Chief Innovation Officer for an educational technology non-profit. I find these tactics have come in handy even when I was toasting my sister (virtually!) on her wedding day and on a couple of recent calls I have had relating to this blog and so I thought they may be of use to some of you, too.

The first thing: welcome the nerves. I used to work hard to suppress or deny my anxiousness before speaking in public. “Calm down,” I’d tell myself, irritated. Then I had a speech coach tell me: “You’re thinking about this the wrong way. Accept the nerves and the excitement and the tense energy. Your body is doing what’s natural — it’s getting you ready for the stage. It’s your body saying: “I’m here with you, I’m winding myself up, I’m getting ready to nail this.”” That mental shift made a world of difference to me. Now, whenever I feel butterflies or find myself anxiously pacing or even shivering backstage, I nod at myself: “Yep, you’re just getting ready. Let’s do this, Jen!”

The second thing: Focus on your pacing, especially during the first thirty seconds. It sets the tone for the rest of your talk. Force yourself to speak with deliberation that feels almost unnatural. Deliver your first line as slowly as you ca and then take a very deep breath and a very long pause. If you are anything like me, the measured pace will be mildly excruciating that first couple of seconds because I am always eager to just get started, to jump into things, to go fast, to finish, and my nerves can often cause me to speak very quickly. But you’d be surprised at how well this forced pacing works at giving you a sense of control over the room and over the talk itself. If I make it through that first line very carefully and slowly, I always find the rest of the talk a breeze.

The third thing: Slow and center your movements on stage. It is easy to fidget or pace back and forth when you’re standing in the limelight. It is in fact tremendously difficult to get yourself to stand with both feet planted while you deliver. But I guarantee that teaching yourself to stand confidently in one place and only move with deliberation will make you look and feel much more in control. When you are moving, one big breakthrough for me was learning to take a surprising step toward the audience. It feels a little unnatural the first time — you’d be surprised how often you are likely to stand along the same latitude, or maybe take a step back. But taking a step toward the audience at a key moment in your presentation gives the impression of control, confidence, and engagement with your audience. It’s a tiny thing but it really makes a huge difference if you watch any well-seasoned public speaker.

What other tricks do you have?

Post-Scripts: Footies + Sales.

+This two-pack of footies for infants is such a good deal, and I love the unfussy prints/colors.

+Crazy cute maternity swimsuit on sale. Probably only worth the investment if you have a pool you use regularly!

+Also for pregnant mamas: Sezane now has a bump-friendly section! Such cute pieces.

+Lots of really great Labor Day sales to shop here (will keep updating this post as I find new scores).

+Such a gorgeous everyday dress as we head into fall — love the color and sleeves. Would wear with simple leather sandals now and smart neutral flats as things cool down.

+More great end-of-summer dresses here.

+This fitted wrap cardigan is a clever fall snag for a nursing mother. (More nursing-friendly finds here.)

+This 3-pack of pastel toddler gloves were a great find for mini — I figure they’ll be easy (and non-precious) to throw in the wash after our commute from school, during which I am sure I will cringe countless times as she touches every surface available to her.

+Love trays like these for organizing drawers and medicine cabinets. I own these similar ones — they are in almost every drawer/cabinet in my home!

+More great home organization gear and the perfect small bins for organizing a linen or utility closet.

+I have been seeing a lot of “lettuce-edge” detailing on base layers/thin sweaters this fall. This throws me back to the 90s and I love it! Eyeing this great black basic.

+These ric rac trim jammies are adorable.

+Just the cutest personalized gift enclosures/stickers for little ones.

+This pair of lamps is such a great price for such sweet lamps for a girl’s nursery! Would be cute atop bedside tables or flanking the ends of a wide bookcase or dresser.

+On neighborliness.

+Buy one ginger jar and get the second 50% off here this weekend. Love this unexpected green color for coordinating on a bookshelf.

+What are you reading?

+I love this $30 tank for pairing with full skirts like my new one from Horror Vacui (I own in a different colorway/print, but this one is on sale!).

+Decorating for fall.

By: Jen Shoop

Last week, I could not get my three-year-old to the dentist. It was one of a few times in my career as a mother where I was wholly overwhelmed to the point of paralysis, both mind and body succumbing to the force of my daughter. Mini is too old to be forced into a stroller and too strong and heavy to be carried somewhere against her will. No bribe or sweet talk or forceful words could cajole her to put one foot in front of the other and accompany me the three blocks to the dentist. And so I found myself attempting to carry her unwieldy body under the assault of her swinging arms before squatting down on Amsterdam Avenue as she flailed and screamed, grasping her wrist with my hand to prevent her from sprinting off into traffic, and I thought: “I have no idea how to get myself out of this.”

Eventually, I took a deep breath and let her go. She ran all the way home and then stood in the lobby, heaving those big, fat, chest-filling toddler sobs as enormous crocodile tears streamed down her face. I stood in the doorway of our building and we eyed one another.

“Do you need a hug?” I offered, tentatively. She nodded and I took her into my arms and we stood in the door jamb embracing one another for ten minutes, her tears eventually subsiding into the occasional suck-y intake of breath of a child whose body is exhausted by her own emotions.

The doorwoman, a true angel and beloved part of my daily life here in New York, had made a “tsk” noise of compassion toward me when mini had careened into the lobby — and then afforded us a wide berth. I was grateful in that moment that she was a mother, too. It felt that she knew exactly what I was standing up against and that she also knew — by virtue of the understanding cluck of her tongue and the way she serenely retreated behind the second set of glass doors to preoccupy herself with the stack of papers at the lobby desk — that this, too, would pass.

I had surreptitiously called Mr. Magpie as I embraced my daughter in the doorway of the building, and my voice had nearly cracked when I had said: “I can’t get her to the dentist. I need your help.” He replied, instantly: “No problem.” He reshuffled his meetings for the morning and then met us in the lobby, where I was still squatting with mini in my arms, though she was now poking at my eyelashes and eyebrows and giggling to herself.

Mr. Magpie did not make a fuss. He did not comment or reproach or narrate. He just scooped mini up in his arms with his face arranged into a jovial smile and we strode altogether to the dentist while I silently collected myself in their wake. Halfway there, I watched as she rested her flushed face on his shoulder and said: “The whole family is going to the dentist” with something like happiness. Oh, the mercurialness of a toddler! And oh, the emotional whiplash of parenting in its midst! I am always tender-footed, worrying that I will be too dismissive of something substantive — a true fear, a true anxiety that must be met with dignity — and yet there are also days where I see that her fury is drawn up blindly against the shape of my authority. Was the scene that morning because she was afraid of the dentist or because she is three and did not want to be plucked from her toys?

Because of the dentist’s COVID-19 protocols, only one parent was permitted into the office, and so I sat outside in the sticky August heat on a small folding chair and I took a deep breath and if it weren’t for the diversion of the always-colorful street scene of New York City, I would have hung my head and cried. I felt blindsided by my ineptitude and swallowed whole by my daughter. I could not divine the cause of the outburst and I also could not remember the last time I had felt so incapable. And so I did what every 36-year-old mother does in a moment of parenting duress: I texted my own mother. She offered up a practical observation (“she was probably confused why she had to go back to the dentist”) and then said: “I’m sorry. It will be over soon.”

As I waited, I mentioned something about the morning’s events on Instastories and was positively overwhelmed by the flood of messages from fellow moms:

“Been there, done that.”

“Oh mama! That sounds familiar.”

“But you got her to the dentist — I call that a win.”

“Sounds about right.”

“You’re doing great.”

“Hang in there, mom.”

“Same thing happened to me taking my daughter to the dentist.”

“You’re a great mom — this will pass.”

I have always had a special devotion to Saint Mary and specifically to the second joyful mystery of the Rosary, the Visitation, in which Mary “makes haste” to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, who is aging and has been deemed infertile. When Elizabeth sees Mary, she feels her miracle baby move for the first time. The scene is poignant for many reasons and I have found myself lingering over different aspects of the vignette during different moments in my life. But last Friday, as I sat outside of the dentist’s office, I could only think of Mary’s haste in attending to her cousin: to the immediate, urgent empathy my minor travail elicited from so many other mothers. And not only women I know well, like my doorwoman and my mother, but from readers here who simply saw my flail and made haste to reassure me.

I have been looking for occasions to pay this kindness forward to other mothers, but for now, permit me to make haste to leave this for any mother who needs to hear it:

You are doing great. This too shall pass. Hang in there.