I made two knitwear investments this week that I am ecstatic about: this flounced cableknit sweater ($29! — can envision wearing it with my new jeans or a houndstooth skirt) and this bow-shouldered cashmere sweater tank. The latter is so impractical but I couldn’t resist the bows and everyone needs a special “going out” shirt to look forward to in the winter. I’m imagining it for some reason with a large black satin bow in my hair even though I’ve never worn anything like that before.
P.S. Speaking of knits, Target has the most darling knit rompers available for tiny baby girls, and they are all under $20 and selling fast. Get the La Coqueta look for a song! Also love this one (Thanksgiving?) and this one.
I’ve had a couple of conversations with close friends working through challenging interactions with colleagues and family members in the past few weeks, and have had several occasions in those exchanges to share a quote I read earlier this year that has helped me gain perspective when I have felt hurt, misunderstood, or unfairly treated:
“If you understood how frequently people cope by projecting, you’d learn to take absolutely nothing personally.” — Octavia Butler
What I love about this quote is that it serves both self and other: it makes me feel better, but it is also rooted in empathy and the acknowledgment that other people are coping with their own, often invisible-to-me, troubles. Of course, the sentiment must not stand in for absolution when I have done the wrong thing or put my foot in my mouth, nor should it represent carte blanche forgiveness for unkindnesses at the hands of others. By try it on for size the next time you are on the receiving end of an uncharitable word. I think you’ll be surprised at how much perspective it affords.
+This cute dress is now available in four colors — I still love the brown for fall with suede boots but the beige and blue are incredible, too.
+I’ve never been big into combat boots (that is, besides those Chanel ones that are sold out everywhere and that everyone looks SO good in) but OMG are these chic or what?! I love the idea of pairing them with a sweater jacket like this.
+These Halloween jammies were just marked down to $30, with free shipping, in case you’ve been holding out for your little ones! (More Halloween pajamas here and more ideas on how to make this Halloween special here. You still have time to plan — but not much!)
+OK, this statement sweatshirt is beyond. At this rate, I will only be wearing sweatshirts from now through 2022. (Ahem.)
I think I have been brainwashed by the bold beauty of the Bottega Veneta cassette bag (my ultimate lust list bag for this season), but I am falling hard for the chain embellishment on so many gorgeous finds this fall. Below, a few of my favorite pieces with serious hardware detailing:
NECKLACES FROM PERRINE TAVERNITI LIKE THIS OR THIS
Also can’t-miss: my beloved (and pricy) Cle de Peau concealer is currently on sale for 15% off. Not a huge discount, but this stuff n-e-v-e-r goes on sale, and $62 feels more palatable than $73. If you’ve never tried this concealer: I am willing to bet a lot of money that it will be the best you’ve ever tested. It glides on and conceals a whole manner of undereye sins. The absolute best. They also have a bunch of other highly popular beauty products marked down to 15% off, including Clarins’ double serum, Jo Malone scents, and my beloved facial cotton.
P.S. If you like the pearl sunglass (or mask!) chains from Lele Sadoughi, consider this $9 Amazon variation.
I have been surprised by the number of recent inquiries about dresses to wear to weddings — a reminder that love finds a way, even in the face of a global pandemic. Some of you are attending ultra-small, family-only celebrations; others are socially distancing during backyard gatherings; and some of us are getting dolled up for watching via Zoom.
Regardless, you’d be surprised at how good you will feel putting on a formal dress and some heels. A remembrance of things past…
Below, my top picks for wedding guest dresses (or dresses for any special occasion this winter!):
First, had to share this crazy chic sweater I just bought — only $29. And if you use code 2H75Y4, you can get 30% off one item in your cart.
Second, Tuckernuck is running its friends and family sale, with 20% off everything using code RINGRING. A few stand-outs:
THIS DRESS — PERFECT FOR POST-PARTUM AND NURSING AND THEN WEARABLE WELL BEYOND
THESE CHIC OTKS — THEY LOOK VERY HIGH END AND ARE WATERPROOF!
STRIPED MAXI — I ALWAYS GET QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT TO WEAR AS A MOM CHASING LITTLE ONES; THESE COTTON DRESSES ARE AMAZING WORN WITH VEJAS/SUPERGAS! EASY TO CLEAN, COMFORTABLE, ETC
I have been in major fleece/sherpa shopping mode. I think it’s partly the trendiness of the sherpa shacket and partly my return to a regular fitness regimen, but either way: all signs point to soft, warm outerwear, preferably in boxy shapes and neutral shades..
One of my all-time favorite articles of clothing is this Patagonia pullover, which I own in the “Raw Linen” color. I’ve had it for over a decade and I absolutely love to wear it over athletic gear or pajamas when cold — the quality is incredible despite infinite launderings and it is crazy soft. I also just ordered this inexpensive zip sherpa fleece jacket ($30!) in the cute “tan” color and it is super soft as well! I had wondered if I might be able to wear it while jogging but it’s pretty thick — the Patagonia has a little less heft to it, so I can get away with jogging in that one without feeling like a teddy bear. But I’m not mad at the $30 fleece anyhow — perfect for throwing on post-workout while running errands or even just hanging at home. I feel like it will be a perfect color compliment to athletic gear in olive green (<<still my favorite pair of leggings ever and I own in the olive green color) and navy in particular. I also love…
P.S. Speaking of fitness, Lululemon has some great pieces in their sale section right now. They never offer insane discounts, but I’ll take a few dollars off anyhow — I snagged one of these loose-fit tanks (you can tie it in the back, which looks cute) and this long-sleeved tee. I also keep going back and considering a second Define jacket. I usually prefer loose-fit tops while jogging but I do like that jacket — it fits super-snugly, almost like a sports bra, and just contours to your body so it feels like you aren’t wearing anything, but the pockets are handy for phone and keys.
The other morning, I had inveigled micro into playing with his toys in his crib — an increasingly challenging feat as he only ever wants to be sprinting, unfettered, from one end of the apartment to the other — while I quickly changed into my exercise clothes, hurrying through the selection of spandex and jamming my feet into my socks with haste. As I dashed back out the bedroom door, I paused at the monitor and realized that my son was still happily engaged with his toys. I hovered for a minute in indecision and then, with a feeling of strange disorientation, sat down on the couch. “Maybe I can just sit here for a sec and check my emails? Scroll through Instagram?” At the same time: “This is your one-on-one time with your son! Go to him! Play with him! His nanny will be here in nine minutes and then you will only occasionally cross paths with him until five, when all hell breaks loose and you are wrangling a tired, hungry three year old and a tired, hungry one year old and the likelihood of a quiet moment to work on a puzzle with your baby is nil.”
And so what might have been a quiet moment to myself disappeared into the familiar frenzy of mom guilt, and I heaved myself off the sofa to sit with my boy on the floor of his bedroom.
Why do we do this?
I feel as though I am permanently lodged between the mantras “babies don’t keep” and “moms deserve self-care, too.” And the conditions under which we have been living during this pandemic have deepened, or reified, my sensitivities to both.
I remember one time telling my mother, in a week of chaos (I believe this was around when I was moving apartments, very sick, adjusting mini to her first year of school, and nursing my newborn son), that I’d had to “clear my schedule and remind myself that my number one job is caring for my children.” My mom had said: “No, honey. Your number one job is caring for yourself.” The earnestness in her voice and the fact that I have always borne the impression that she has put herself last (meaning that, even if she has always been caring fully for herself, there has also always been room to keep us nurtured and tended to) were revelations. But I still hurry through my showers and wallow in self-reproach if I am on my phone while my children are playing around me or too tired to want to play with mini’s Calico Critters alongside her. I always feel as though I should be giving them more of myself.
Two weeks ago, Mr. Magpie and I went out on our first proper date night since early March. It was the first night in seven months that I had not sat at the dining room table, force-feeding my children dinners they do not want, reminding them to keep their bottoms in their seats or their broccoli on their high chair trays, cajoling them into pajamas, returning them to bed after unauthorized excursions, fetching urgently-needed water cups, saying prayers, singing with varying degrees of enthusiasm “O Little Town of Bethlehem” (“the one from when I was little,” as mini calls this song–as if she is not little anymore) not once but twice in the exhausted hush of the seven p.m. hour. The minute Mr. Magpie and I closed the apartment door behind us on our way out to dinner, we danced, recklessly and joyously, in the elevator bank. “We’re freeeeeeeeeeee, baby!” Mr. Magpie said. We laughed at ourselves, giddy and ecstatic and footloose.
Of course, I checked my phone no less than four times at the dinner table, wondering whether our nanny would have questions about their bedtime routine or run into trouble with our occasionally stubborn three-year-old. Of course, we talked at length about our children over glasses of wine and outrageously delicious cacio e pepe and fennel-flecked sausage lasagnette at Il Buco Alimentaire.
But I was surprised by my relief. I was surprised that I did not for a single moment feel guilty about the excursion and in fact felt a pang of disappointment as we headed back uptown. I was surprised that the next morning, I felt like a better mom: eager to see the children, more willing than usual to get down on the floor of the nursery and play with dinosaur figurines.
My mom guilt kept edging in on my true-born feelings of restoration: “Shouldn’t you feel bad you feel so good right now?”
UGH! Leave me alone!
But there it was: the truth: that I need a real break every now and then. That work is not a break. That errands are not a break. That sitting in our living room after the children are asleep is not even a full break, because there is always the chance that once of them will wake or that I will sidetrack into picking up toys or worrying that I did not turn on the night light. But getting outside, going to dinner, turning my parenting knob all the way off (or, at least, on super-low) is, and I need that space every now and then.
+Love this knit sweater jacket — can’t decide whether to go with black or camel. I am dismayed by how much I’m drawn to black this year! I feel like I’m becoming a true New Yorker without meaning to.
+These wide leg cropped pants came (they are currently marked down to like $15 in the color I got — “ivory frost”) and are SO cute! I’ll be pairing with finer knit sweaters like this and this for a flattering silhouette.
+Speaking of chic sweaters: I absolutely love this. The buttons, the sleeve, the color, the fabric. So good.
+I was reluctant at first about the polo sweater styles I’ve been seeing everywhere — I thought they might be a little slouchy and masculine for me — but this cashmere style may have changed my mind.
+This is a condiment caddy but my favorite elegant way to serve up an arrangement of snacks while enjoying cocktail hour — fill each with a different treat, like marcona almonds, truffle potato chips, and sesame sticks.
I love a good bargain find as much as the next lass, but there are always a few high-end investment pieces I’m salivating over. Below, my luxury lust list for this fall season:
I am not an athleisure gal, but — thanks to Isabel Marant and the influence true street style has had on high end fashion — I have over the past few seasons come to love a good sweatshirt worked into my wardrobe. I’m not yet venturing into the pairing of sweatshirts with glittery skirts a la Giovanna above, but — with a great pair of jeans and some smart shoes? Yes pls. Three sweatshirts I own and have already gotten a decent amount of wear out of as we lean into fall:
P.P.P.S. This was a very tough post for me to write. I’m so glad I did, because it was therapeutic and I have read and re-read your comments so many times and find myself in total and complete awe of the many incredibly — unreasonably! — kind comments on it. I love you, Magpies.
By: Jen Shoop
The scene above reminds me of a crisp Saturday morning in Georgetown. I only wish I could meet my mom at Patisserie Poupon for a latte and pastry and then a manicure at Vicky’s across the street — hoping both remain in existence for years to come so I can fulfill that daydream at some point…
I’ve written about this a couple of times, but my mother, sister, and I have been in a digital prayer circle since the start of quarantine. I don’t think we’ll ever stop now — it’s been one of the most spiriting parts of my day for months now. The basic gist is that one of us (usually my mother) selects a prayer or novena that we commit to saying every day for nine or ten consecutive days (depending on the terms of the novena — they are usually meant to be prayed every day for nine days). We text one another the praying hands emoji whenever we pause to say the prayer, which is usually first thing in the morning, but sometimes little children or wonky routines get in the way and one of us will send a belated emoji at 3:44 in the afternoon or 9:02 p.m. at night, and it’s the loveliest way to snap back into a prayerful headspace when I least expect it and often most need it. The text chain has also created a space to advance intercessions on behalf of friends and loved ones enduring difficult times, which has the added benefit of reminding me to keep things in perspective. This daily practice has also made me feel deeply connected to my sister and mother during a time in my life where I am isolated from family. I write that with particular torment today, as we have just made the decision not to drive down and visit my parents and Mr. Magpie’s after all. With case counts again rising and Virginia now on New York’s list of restricted states (meaning that traveling to/from VA would require us to complete 14 days in complete quarantine), it wasn’t in the cards. We also remain wholly skittish about the possibility of transmitting the virus to one of our aging parents, especially with mini back in school. Hopefully I will see them at some point in early 2021.
At any rate, the prayer my mother selected for us most recently was *just* what I needed to hear when I was elbowing through the heartache of thinking that I am narrowing in on a full year without hugging my mother, and I wanted to share it here:
Lord, help me to remember
that nothing is going to happen to me today
that You and I together can’t handle.
Amen.
I shared that prayer on Instastory earlier this week and was overwhelmed by the number of Magpies who replied: “I needed to hear that.” One of you — enduring particular pain, no doubt — wrote: “This just made me cry this morning in a good way. Sorry for this corny message from a stranger but thank you so much for the much needed reminder.”
Deep breaths, Magpies. One foot in front of the other. And if you’d like to join me this week, why don’t we plan on saying the prayer above at 9 A.M. E.S.T. every day through next Sunday, October 4th? I’ll set a calendar reminder for myself and be thinking of you. Feel free to share particular intercessions with me via comment on this post, email, or direct message.
And if you aren’t comfortable with prayer but still want the community, take a pause at 9 A.M. and know I’ll be thinking of you, too. We got this.
+Guess I’m in a houndstooth mood, because this vest is calling my name and I’m not usually a vest person. But wouldn’t it be cute with an all-black outfit?
+Two recent Magpie reader recs: this foot cream (rest in piece, LRP foot cream) and these pouches for “decanting” (HA — love that you used that word!) and organizing children’s puzzle pieces and small toy parts. Very excited to try both.
+A girlfriend of mine asking for “traditional but not stuffy long sleeved dresses in girls size 6/7 for fall family photos.” She mentioned that she’s been having trouble finding options along these lines in older girl sizes, as traditional styles seem to end at size 4/5. My suggestions…
