A quick little post to share two amazing childrenswear finds — first, Nantucket Kids is offering 40% off sitewide with code SUMMERSALE. Their Nellie dress is one of my favorite dresses of mini’s, and I am ordering it for her in this cute pink toile at 40% off. I would say this brand runs TTS, and all of their pima cotton pieces launder beautifully. I also added this play dress to my cart and wished I’d been able to snag one of these cotton dresses and this gingham style for mini before it sold out. This floral print dress is also darling. Ahh! I just love pima cotton dresses like these for sending mini to school / out to play. A little less precious, easier to care for, etc. And don’t sleep on their discounted pajamas and pima cotton tees while they’re 40% off!
I am slowly starting to work on my children’s fall wardrobes (um, school will be here so soon?!) and my first purchase was this pair of khaki shorts, recently restocked in all sizes, with my son’s initials monogrammed at the knee in cobalt blue. I shared a bunch of my other favorite fall basics for little boys in this post, but I am particularly excited about buying him this rain coat and this barn jacket. I’m always a sucker for good outerwear!
+This tiered floral dress. (Guess we’re all in dress mode!). All three of these dresses are great transition-to-fall buys because of their sleeves — all can be worn with a chic sweater and booties (or clogs)!
+A few sizes left of this pretty floral mini from one of my new favorite designers — wouldn’t this dress be the perfect coming-home-from-the-hospital dress? Buttons down the front, nice and loose! Would also work with bump!
I few months ago I shared a new-to-me word, eunoia, and I had to share another fantastic one: petrichor.
Petrichor: The earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil. The word is constructed from Greek petra, “rock”, or petros, “stone”, and īchōr, the fluid that flows in the veins of the gods in Greek mythology.
Spectacular in its specificity and allusiveness!
Any great words you’ve come across recently? Please share.
+Love all of these dried grasses for fall styling at home. We have a set of tall dried grasses we bought from a garden shop in Chicago (and have carried with us to three homes since!) that we keep in a tall vase in our foyer — adds so much texture, drama, and fullness for a reasonable price (and you don’t need to water them!). Love these pampas ones in particular.
Today, sharing a few items I have discovered over the past few years that have delighted me with their design, utility, and cost-saving benefits. Many of these I have raved about previously and on multiple occasions, but here they are, in one space:
+WOOL DRYER BALLS. I have raved about these to no fewer than half of my friends. Why? You use them instead of dryer sheets, which means a) you are no longer on the hook for buying dryer sheets every few months, as these reusable balls can be used for years — aka, one less thing to buy and one less thing to keep on top of; b) they have no scent, which I have learned I prefer, though you can buy essential oils to drop onto the balls if you prefer scented laundry; c) you are no longer tossing a single-use dryer sheet after every dryer session; d) they expedite the drying process because they help keep linens/clothing separate while tumbling dry, which saves time, energy, etc. On the last point: they are especially helpful when laundering sheets and towels! I swear they reduce the drying time by at least a quarter (maybe a half?) because sheets are no longer clumping together. Seriously a delightful discovery for this laundry-laden mother. You can stow in a glass apothecary jar when not in use.
+COCOFLOSS. (You can also buy individually if you want to test.) Will never use another brand of floss again — this has seriously improved my dental hygiene regimen. You will notice immediately that it has a textured weave that is totally dissimilar from the slick, glossy floss you’ve been using for years, and its fibers act like velcro for whatever is between your teeth. Amazing.
+GRANDEUR HOSPITALITY 12 PACK OF HAND TOWELS. I can’t tell you how many towels I have ruined with my mascara/makeup. How do women not destroy their towels? Do most grown-up women wash their hands every other second while applying makeup? For awhile, I used Weezie’s makeup towels, which are brilliant because they are black so it doesn’t matter if you schmear them with mascara and concealer, but I found I wanted a larger towel for face-washing and makeup application. I also found them to be fairly pricey for just two, and I needed more than two unless I wanted to do laundry more frequently than I typically do. All to say: I ended up buying a 12 pack of these inexpensive hand towels, which (funny enough) I learned about via my parents, as my Dad likes to have a stack of inexpensive towels in their fitness center, and these are their go-tos. I feel liberated by having 12 towels I don’t need to feel guilty about staining — I keep a nice clean stack of them right next to my makeup (because they come in a pack of 12, I always have at least six or eight clean ones on hand), and it is le best. I even keep one right outside the shower so I can pat my face with it without marking up my more expensive Matouk bath towels and sheets. (All my favorite towels here.)
+SORBUS STORAGE BINS. I find these to be the best all-around shape and size for organization of just about ANYTHING. I have a row of them in my office closet to organize cords, stationery, notepads, and other office supplies, but they are equally handy in my pantry (great dimensions for organizing individual snack packs, jars/bottles, condiments, etc), my cleaning closet (wide enough to hold spray bottles in a tidy row), my children’s closets and drawers (perfect for hair bows, overflow socks, shampoo/conditioner/etc), and my linen closet for bulky things like deodorant, soap, toothpaste, etc.
+BROTHER LABELMAKER. Hard to explain how much joy this brings me. I label all the Sorbus bins above, the tops of spice jars (SO much easier to locate spices this way, versus rifling through a bunch reading their labels on the front), flour/sugar keepers, bulky bins in our basement, etc. Wee! Joy! I found this so wonderfully easy to learn how to use. You basically pop in the tape and can get going immediately.
+ARTIS OVAL 7 BRUSH. I use this every single day and frankly don’t know what I did before. I love this for applying and blending Westman Atelier foundation, concealer, and even blush on top. I find this tool absorbs so little makeup, applies makeup super smoothly, and does an insane job of blending multiple layers of product together seamlessly. It also feels amazing (so soft!). I broke the handle of my first one somehow, and ordered a replacement of this size on the spot. Frankly, I’m not sure I needed to buy any other sizes — this is the one I use constantly.
+METAL STRAWS. I love this pack of reusable metal straws because they come in two lengths, with some straws featuring an angled top and others a straight. It’s handy because if Mr. Magpie and I are both drinking cocktails, I’ll take a bent one and he’ll take the straight so we can distinguish between glasses — ha! These are also better not only because you are no longer chucking single-use straws but because they do not disintegrate like paper ones do!
+ZIPPERED POUCHES. Have mentioned these at least 25x on the blog, but these have been a gamechanger for organizing the children’s toys and gear. We decanted all our toy sets from bulky/disintegrating/collapsing boxes into these and keep all small sets of toys together this way. Also handy for things like hair ties, Barbie accessories, stray buttons, etc. More great pouch solutions here.
+LAUNDRESS STAIN BRUSH. This plus liquid Palmolive and hot water will absolutely erase any stain you come across. I’ve gotten chocolate, blood, coffee, and more out of white fabrics with this combo of tools. The brush is super-small so you can control it easily, and the bristles are stiff but thin so they really get materials out of fabric!
+PRADA CARD CASE. OK, this one is a bit more exciting, but I don’t know how I lived without a card case? I basically only use this on a daily basis. I keep my ID, major credit cards, and insurance card in there, and then any other ancillary cards I keep in a bigger wallet I can throw into my bag if I know I will need them. I find the card case so easy to transfer between bags, grab for a coffee run, toss into a clutch, etc. Mine is Prada, but I also like these Bottega ones, these monogrammable ones from Neely + Chloe, this deeply discounted Smythson, and this Cuyana.
+PEARL MASK CHAIN. I just love this thing. I feel like it adds a little panache to my everyday look (love pearls!) and it is so handy when you are taking your mask on/off all the time.
+REPLAY PLATES. I’ve mentioned these a lot lately, but they’ve been on my mind because I have had several friends comment on them during play dates recently. They really are the best — durable, great colors (no cheesy designs), microwavable, dishwasher-safe, with compartments sufficiently deep to house yogurt/pasta with sauce/ketchup/etc. I also find these have held up really nicely over time. They look brand-new still!
+BAR MOP / KITCHEN TOWELS. Super inexpensive, highly absorbent. We try to use these in lieu of paper towels in our house and just throw them in the laundry bin at the end of the day. Random: also good for covering meats that are dry-brining in the fridge! I find these to be preferable to the Williams-Sonoma ones we used for years because I find myself more likely to use them like paper towels!
+SEVILLE EXPANDABLE CUTLERY ORGANIZER. This is so amazing — we had this in NYC and it can expand/contract to be a perfect fit for nearly any width of drawer for a custom/tailored fit. It’s made of the best, sturdiest wood and super attractive. Love.
What other must-have utility items do you rave about?
P.S. More recent utility buys for our home here and all my favorite home gear here.
Are you the life of the party, a wallflower, or something in between? Has COVID impacted your self-possession in social settings?
I find that my social vibe fluctuates — even now, in my 30s, when I feel at long last thoroughly comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I am surprised by an unanticipated shy bent in my personality and have to coax myself out of my own shell. Other times, I startle myself with easy chit-chat with strangers. Now that I think about it, these oscillations in social confidence seem to have more to do with my headspace, how on-top-of-it I feel in other realms of life, and even what I’m reading and watching (?) at a given time than they do with the specifics of the gathering. When I feel calm in my heart and head, I find it far easier to connect with other people. (Go figure!). The isolation borne of COVID and the chaos of moving has intensified some of these shifts, leaving me hungrier for social interaction, less practiced at it, and at the same time more prone to feeling scattered in my personal affairs and therefore less at-home in group settings. One of the first group events I attended after the first few waves of COVID (and before Delta was a thing), when NYC was just reopening in May of this year, was surprisingly strenuous for me, even though I was surrounded by several close friends. I found myself out of practice in making my voice heard amongst a group of eleven or twelve other women, and I was simultaneously distracted by the strange tug I felt at leaving my children with Mr. Magpie for the afternoon, and by the laundry list of move-related chores on my plate, and by the fact that I’d had to wait twenty minutes for a cab downtown and was therefore appallingly late. (And I am a punctual person! “If you’re on time, you’re late,” etc.). The entire scenario caught me unaware, and left me wondering about my own reticence. I see now that it had more to do with context than with the circumstances of the party.
Work-related affairs are entirely different realm, with different stakes. I do not miss the conference circuit. That said, by the end of my tenure in the non-profit world, I had coached myself to the point of reliability when networking. I had two tactics that helped a lot in this regard: first, I would enter a room and immediately make conversation with the first person I made eye contact with. Often, my introduction was nothing more interesting than: “Hi, I’m Jen. I don’t think we’ve met before” or “Hi, I’m Jen. I don’t know anyone at this reception so I thought I’d introduce myself.” I found it far easier and less awkward to push myself to make contact right away versus idling around the room waiting for a convenient opportunity to interject. (This was also a strategy I deployed in school, where — though I was highly studious and attentive — I was never a vocal class participant. I would require myself to contribute to the conversation as early as possible in each class session, even sometimes willing myself to get my voice out there within the first ten minutes of class, because I found it more comfortable to participate later on if I’d already “broken the ice.” Otherwise, it became easier and easier to retreat into silence.) My second tactic was simply to remind myself of a truism Mr. Magpie brought home from a networking session he took in graduate school, where the instructor said: “It is always easier to be approached.” This platitude achieved the effect of the old “imagine the audience in their underwear” tack in that it reminded me that we are all human and it is always more pleasant to be approached, no matter how self-possessed you are in a social setting. In turn, it gave me the legs to approach people out of the blue, aware that my overture was likely a welcome gift for another reception-goer straining to make his or her way through the evening.
Writing this out makes me realize that though I don’t feel compelled to apply any sort of formal methodology to prepare for social gathering, it might do me well to check in briefly with myself before heading out to a group dinner or big party, i.e., “Are you feeling scattered already? What’s happening in that heart of yours?” and then muster my social will accordingly.
How about you?
(BTW, these ramblings bear the hallmark of a through-and-through introvert!)
+I’m feeling a major late 90s slip dress vibe coming on and I love it. This slip dress feels like Gwyneth meets CBK meets Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m here for it.
+My mom recently gave the hostesses of a shower these Jo Malone shower gels (clever play on words — shower gel for the shower hostesses!) and it was such a sweet gesture. Also, they smelled amazing!
+TBBC just launched some seriously cute new jammies: love these alphabet ones and trust me when I say these birthday ones will FLY. I actually just added the pima cotton dress in the birthday print to my cart even though mini’s birthday is not until March — this is the perfect outfit to send your little one into school in on her birthday, and they sell out in a flash! I spent an entire afternoon last year calling every boutique on the East Coast that carried TBBC in search of one of their birthday-print pima cotton dresses.
+Are you kidding me with this daybed?!?!?! Unreal!
By: Jen Shoop
The shopping gods are smiling on us today!
I field so many wedding guest dress requests, and Reformation is nearly always in my roundup of replies. They have such on-trend, slightly sexy styles, and now a slew of them have been marked down to under $200. If you are looking for a dress to wear to a wedding or special occasion this month or next, let this sale be your windfall!:
I also must mention that I found a trove of Dudley Stephens fleeces on sale in great colors here. I don’t know why, but if you add code YOUROCK, you get an extra 20% off, bringing the cost down to under $100. The deal was too good to pass up — I’m finally testing one for my fall wardrobe in this pretty sage color! I know many of you are huge fans so I am eager to test. Will obviously report back…
Unrelated, but One King’s Lane is currently running a Warehouse Sale and there are some seriously chic scores at insane prices! I feel I always need to caveat OKL as it is really hard to assess the quality of the pieces they are selling. Some of them are pieces carried by other brands/retailers that are great. Others are of dubious quality. It has been very hit or miss for me. Still, if you are looking to outfit a room inexpensively but stylishly, the Warehouse Sale is worth a gander…
*Honestly, will never be over Natalie Portman for Dior, circa 2013. Spectacular everything. Lots of feminine detail finds here along these lines.
I know we’re well into August, but the final batch of questions for July here…will be answering August ones soon! Feel free to email or DM any time.
Q: A gift for two incredible female mentors!
A: Ooh this is hard, because I would encourage you to think back on your interactions with these women and recall any of their personal interests/passions and go from there (i.e., cooking? buy great olive oil and a new cookbook; traveling? buy a chic travel gift). I think something highly personal and tailored to their interests will demonstrate how attentive you were to their counsel, perspective, personality, etc. If you’re still stumped, check out my recent gift guide here for some starting points. Another thought: treat them to your favorite book and include a detailed letter on why you chose it. Books much such great, personal gifts! (And there are some cute add-on gift ideas here.)
Q: Olive green accent chair.
A: Society Social has ones in great green colors and patterns, and Jayson Home always has beautiful pieces, like this “Balmoral” style, which looks like it belongs in the library of, well, Balmoral. Alternately, for something a little lighter/brighter, this one is fun with the spindle detail on the arms/legs, and comes in a ton of colors.
Q: Coffee table and TV stand combos to go with a white C&B couch. Under $1000 total.
A: I’m going to share options separately so you can mix and match / get to your ideal pricepoint, but my first thought was a tufted ottoman in a print paired with a white-centric media console to match the white couch, and then go bold with a rug?
For reasonably-priced coffee tables (around or under $500):
LOVE THE IDEA OF A TUFTED OTTOMAN IN A PRINT (EVEN MORE OPTIONS HERE) OR SOLID
Q: Fall wedding guest dresses that are breastfeeding/pumping friendly — $200 max.
A: Depending on the formality, this nap dress in the emerald trellis could be the perfect ticket. The smocking would enable for easy access. This navy bow-shouldered beauty would be so amazing with enormous earrings and an updo (and amazing shoes?), and you could just untie the shoulders when you need to nurse. Finally, $28 over budget, but this black dress is so saucy and elegant at the same time. You might need to unzip a bit of the back but you could make it work.
Q: Wedding guest dresses!
A: Tis the season! I shared some favorites here, but the ones I’m most excited about…
A: Juliska Berry + Thread. I regret not registering for this simple but gracious pattern when I got married. One of my only missteps in my registry! You can get a similar vibe for less with Pottery Barn’s Emma! I also love anything with scalloped details, so these x Monique Lhuillier are right up my alley.
Q: What to wear to work after maternity leave when not back to my normal size. Office is somewhat conservative – no jeans, but not a blazer-required situation either.
A: Am I broken record by recommending shirt dresses? I find these dresses so easy to wear, so pulled-together, and so flattering. You can find a bunch of my favorites here and still in stock. They look so polished with pointed-toe flats or pumps. Love something like this with these flats. I also love some of the new pieces from Tucker. This gingham is lovely! And this printed dress could totally work with suede boots down the road.
Q: Is there any way to make one of the darker nap dresses work for the office or early fall?
BTW, I am so surprised by how much I am drawn to platforms this season, which Nellie herself often wears with tights and nap dresses in winter. How amazing are these?! I must have! These solid black suede ones look like a good gateway drug…anyhow, these heels would look great with one of their shorter nap dresses and black tights!
By: Jen Shoop
A few of you have floated interest in the clog trend but added — “What on earth do you wear with them?” My tack is to make sure whatever I’m wearing with them is a tiny bit exaggerated/statement/on-trend so that people know the look is intentional, and on the feminine side of the spectrum to balance out the heaviness of the shoe. Sort of like the Birkenstock trend — if you pair with a breezy, on-trend, feminine dress, as seen above and below with chic peas wearing flower-bedecked Fabrizio Vitis, it becomes part of the panache of the look. To this end, a few feminine dresses I’m considering pairing with my clogs as we head towards fall…
OK, now this moment brought to you by hot label Ciao Lucia is a bit too close to home for me. This is actually exactly what I wore for four years of high school, green kilt and unbrushed hair and all, so it may be a tad too on-the-nose for yours truly. Still, I appreciate the vibe.
Last but not least, for the very adventurous, note how this chic pea styles these clunky rubberized clogs from XOCOI ($115, and it looks strikingly similar to Gucci). All about color paletting and texture. Imagine pairing your own with a Vince slip skirt in ivory (look for less) and this Ciao Lucia sweater. (Side note: someone please buy this ultra-elegant Vince skirt, on sale and only available in one size. So chic for an important fall work moment paired with a coordinating camel sweater.)
Finally, a note on clogs: I have still not made my final decision on which brand to go with, but I am pretty sure they will be No 6 or maybe those statement Vitis now that I’ve seen them styled so chicly. If you’re looking to spend less because you see this footwear as a trend and nothing more, I also found these fabulous ones at Anthro for $115!!! (come in great colors!); these sleek Everlanes; these studded J. Crews; and of course I love these Dillard ones because they come in a chic shade of blue.
“Her gift was her attention — she never rushed you through a story, always laughed at the right places, and had an uncanny intuition about what was important to you.”
I concluded, in that post, that my friend’s attentiveness was a vastly underrated trait, but I stopped short of completing the thought loop: that her attention was not just a virtue but an expression of love. Just a few days later, I came across this essay on the excellent show “Ted Lasso” (which was handily the best thing I watched during the pandemic) in which the author explains the arresting appeal of the show’s protagonist by exploring the notion that he is “an ignorant guy who is actually curious.” He in turn draws from from a summary of the film Ladybird (in a strange vortex-like moment, a film that elicited a rush of grief seemingly out of the blue over my friend’s passing), which runs as follows:
“Sister Sarah Joan (Lois Smith), the principal, has read Lady Bird’s college application essay. “It’s clear how much you love Sacramento,” Sister Sarah remarks. This comes as a surprise, both to Lady Bird and the viewer, who is by now aware of Lady Bird’s frustration with her hometown.
“I guess I pay attention,” she says, not wanting to be contrary.
“Don’t you think they’re the same thing?” the wise sister asks.
The idea that attention is a form of love (and vice versa) is a beautiful insight.”
I am sitting with this message today. I am feeling admonished for shortcuts, hastiness, conversations that end with “I gotta run!” owing to logistics, the distracted conversations I often have with my children, and jumping-to-conclusions. I am thinking of Mary Oliver, who wrote in Winter Hours that her goal was “to observe with passion, to think with patience, to live always care-ingly.” I am thinking of how, in a past life, I used to tell my team: “Focus is your scarcest resource.” The intention was to instill a habit of ruthless prioritization and to recognize the constraints under which we operate in every realm of our lives, both work-related and not. It is so easy to fritter away time, to flit from one unimportant but seemingly urgent thing to the next, whether in the office or at home. It is far more challenging to design my day in a way that thoroughly aligns with my values and goals.
So today I am re-centering. I am paying homage to Elizabeth, and Ted Lasso, and Lady Bird–reminders all that “attention, unlike talent or expertise, can be willed into being at any time,” and to great effect.
+I recently finished up my Drunk Elephant Vitamin C serum, which I liked a lot but did not love, and — as you know — I’m on a quest to get to a place where every single item in my beauty arsenal is “OMG, I LOVE it”-worthy. I’d put the D.E. serum at the top end of Vitamin C serums I’ve tried thus far, but I really did not care for the smell — sort of like rotting vegetables? Anyhow, I surveyed my followers on Instagram, and these were the three that came up a LOT:
Skinceuticals received the most enthusiastic praise (and the highest number of votes) BUT there were a lot of caveats about the smell. Some people said it smells like pennies or sausage — yuck! I am thinking I might go with Biossance because you can buy it in a travel size to test without committing to a full bottle, though am tempted by the idea of getting the Obagi at a discount!
+I layer Vitamin C serum under my holy grail Clarins Double Serum. (Full review here.) If your skin can stand it (I know some people find Vitamin C irritates their skin), I find this combo is UNBELIEVABLE for achieving radiant, glowing, elastic skin!
+I mentioned this a few weeks ago, but I super love my new White Elephant beauty case. I love that you can buy the pouches individually versus as a set. The grande size is REALLY roomy — bigger than Cuyana’s — and perfect for travel.
+My Paravel tote arrived (I had it monogrammed with shadow lettering in blue) and I am in love. It is too big for everyday, but GREAT for little day trips / excursions / etc. I can’t wait to travel with it. PERFECT carry-on, as it has little compartments/zippered pouch on the inside and is a fantastic size, especially with tiny ones in tow. I used it just yesterday when we we spent the day at my parents’-in-law and I needed to have swim gear, snacks, change of clothes, lovies/stuffed animals, etc all on hand.
+Just discovered that Patagonia Baggies come in toddler sizes, and they are on sale in a few patterns here! They are on sale in a few patterns in the adult men’s sizes, too — these are a great gift for a guy. Mr. Magpie loves them for gardening, yardwork, running after the dog, etc, and they also double as swim trunks!
+Speaking of swim trunks, RUN. Vilbrequin men’s swim trunks on sale for 40% off. This is such a classy, traditional European brand — Mr. Magpie has a pair in stark white that are just so attractive! The Moorea (linked here) is the iconic style — a bit shorter/briefer than the usual board short style that has been so in for so long. I personally prefer the solid colors, but the patterns can be fun. There are also a few children’s sized trunks on sale and I am very tempted by these ones with the blue crabs! I am torn because they are SO pricey for a little boy who will wear them for one season, but…! Blue crabs!
+These Cutter bug spray wipes are a total MVP in our new home, where we spend SO much time outside, and there are a lot of mosquitos (and those crazy mite bites everyone is talking about that have appeared thanks to Brood X — have y’all been following that story?! Everyone I know has those bites!). We also SUPER love our rechargeable Thermacell for when we’re sitting outside on the patio/playing in a specific area of the backyard (i.e., kids are splashing in pool). It is highly effective. You have to set it up about 15-20 minutes before you’re going outside, but then it’s shocking how well it works!
SHEFFIELD SHORTS — CAN BE MONOGRAMMED! — ONE OF MY FAVORITE STYLES OF BOY’S SHORTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ACTUALLY SHORT ON THE LEG…RUN TTS, FALL SEVERAL INCHES ABOVE KNEE
5:30-6:30 P.M. on weekdays are tough for me as a parent. Even with an intentional buffer built in, I find that we are all tired, the children are clambering for my attention, and I am daunted by the volume of discrete steps to complete within that timeframe (milk! dinner prep! cajoling my children to get into their seats! cajoling my children to eat! reminding them of table manners! tidying up the house! bringing in the mail! walking the dog! cajoling my children to get into their pajamas! making my way towards the multi-step bedtime routine! cleaning up the children’s dinner! the inevitable walking up-and-down of stairs to deposit toys, clothes, fresh water, etc!). I even removed bath time from the evening equation (my children now bathe after lunch/before nap and quiet time) to simplify things, but I still routinely find myself sucking in a big gulp of air and giving myself a little pep talk as I head into “the witching hour.” Of course, I feel guilty about my evening apprehensions. I spend most of the day away from them; I should relish that time. But it is often the site of resistance of the most inane and infuriating sort: “I don’t want that cup!” (sigh) and “I hate meatballs!” (not true) and “I want to eat outside” (when an inside dinner was just requested and accommodated). This is the well-worn territory of toddlerhood, but at 5:49 p.m., when I am myself depleted, I find myself occasionally paralyzed by my own indecision: I forget, what’s my take on cowing to these kinds of demands? I waver between the path of least resistance (just give her the other cup! don’t flinch at the ‘no meatballs’ comment! dinner inside it is!) and arriving at some sort of meaningful conversation with my daughter, who is clearly not really upset about cups and meatballs and rather in the mode of seeking attention or attempting to assert her own control or testing boundaries. As I said, well-worn toddler pasture that we routinely make our way through, but there’s something about that hour that both attracts and shades these familiar scenarios.
I was talking this out with Mr. Magpie the other day and I immediately thought of a good friend from a few years ago who was telling me about his sister, who felt trapped in her then-current circumstances. She didn’t like her job, she hated the town she was living in, she wasn’t even particularly happy or fulfilled by the relationships around her. He offered her some tough love along the lines of “if you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.” Put a little more gently: you are the only agent of change in this story. Hers is an extreme case compared to my mild evening scaries, but the point still stood: if this is a routine challenge in my week, there must be ways to work through it more productively, with less friction. And my God — anything to avoid more mom guilt! Mr. Magpie and I decided we needed to redirect or “re-brand” witching hour, and it suddenly seemed obvious that the tiny emotional skirmishes that tend to dot our evenings might be corollary to the fact that my children want me to focus on them during that hour, not rush around the house tidying up, preparing dinner, etc. Which — I must be clear — itself gives me pause, as I need my children to also know that Mr. Magpie and I have responsibilities to uphold in the running of our house. It is good, I think, for them to observe the labor and love that goes into keeping our house as clean, well-stocked, and organized as it is. Still, the solution materialized with an embarrassing clarity: we now spend most of that hour outside, scooting around the cul de sac, chatting with neighbors, blowing bubbles, drawing with sidewalk chalk, walking the dog, and the like. Dinner is a little later and the living spaces are picked up after the children are in bed, but it is the best possible decision we could have made: we get everyone out of the house, into the fresh air, with phones and messy living rooms out of sight and out of mind, and let the day hang loose about us.
Have you ever “re-branded” a tricky part of your day or week, whether you have children or not? How did you do it? What helped?
Post-Scripts.
+I had another major breakthrough along similar lines last year: “Three months into my 36th year, out of left field, I have suddenly made peace with the fact that daily chores, school drop-off and pick-up, and exercise are no longer interruptions to my routine. They are instead a part of the architecture of my day.”
+My son’s birth story still brings me to tears when I think about it. He is still the same way, too — as affectionate now as he was when he was first pressed to my cheek just minutes after he was born. I love him so much.
Shopping Break.
+After my parents-in-law bought the children bikes, I decided to upgrade our helmet situation. A few super cute children’s helmets I came across:
+My sister was just telling me she’s started using more clean household products and specifically uses a brand where you buy concentrates and fill your own spray bottles. These would make housekeeping chic…!
Don’t get me wrong — we have our fair share of hideous, flashing toys in this house, but where possible, I have kept an eye on aesthetics, too. Below, some adorable children’s toys you won’t mind leaving out, many of which we own!
