I have been noticing a lot of statement pieces inspired by sea life lately and I’m loving them — a fun twist on the botanical patterns that have been all over the place the past few seasons. A few stand-out finds:
My mother was always on us about writing thank you notes immediately after the receipt of a gift. It’s a lesson she engrained so deeply in me that I even now feel her peering over my shoulder if I’ve not written a thank you note within a few days! I’m hoping to instill the same urgency around thank you etiquette in my own children, and having cute stationery on hand helps. Pro tip: order a few sets with all of your children’s names across the top, or with your family name across the top (“The Shoop Children” or “The Shoop Family”), as there are a number of instances where the note should come from more than just one!
For personalized name stickers and tags (for gear at school / playground), these are great for backpacks or strollers (there was “stroller parking” at mini’s NYC school so we could leave the Yoyo there during the day!) and for everything else: these gingham, these rainbow plaid, and these trucks.
On a separate but related note — I am loving this little “It’s a Girl / It’s a Boy” sign for bringing home baby, and if you are looking for chic letterpress birth announcements, I have worked with both Sweetly Said Press and Dinglewood Design and they put out the loveliest letterpress pieces at a reasonable price. For non-letterpress styles (more affordable), check out Erin Wallace’s new selection! How sweet is this Herend-inspired one? I love the script she uses at the bottom. I have sent out birth announcements sans photo for both of my children, but most Etsy vendors will work with you to alter the design upon request.
Do you negotiate? Are you good at it? I have a good friend in commercial real estate who practically salivates over the opportunity to negotiate. He bought a parking spot beneath his building here in Manhattan a few years ago and I remember him intoning: “It was the best, most exciting deal I’ve ever done.” (Clearly, he’s chosen the correct profession.) I can’t say I share in his thrill with negotiating, but Mr. Magpie and I have been through countless negotiations together, both as business owners and determined administrators of our home life together, and I have gradually worked my way from a place of dreading them to viewing them as a necessary evil to re-interpreting them as an occasion to advocate for myself.
When I was younger, I tended to assume the answer was always “no,” and would talk myself out of negotiating before the conversation had even started. (I would later learn this to be a chief tactic amongst seasoned negotiators: get the other party to negotiate with itself — usually by refusing to make the first offer — and you don’t need to do as much work.) I was particularly this way about formally-presented offers, i.e., “We are pleased to offer you this position with a starting salary of x” or “Your application for this apartment has been approved; the rent will be $x.” The declarative structure of these “invitations” made me feel as though everything was a done deal and that I would be out of line to ask for anything different. (Once a rule follower, always a rule follower…) I now understand that everything is a posture — including the formal language! — and that there is very little that isn’t negotiable. With intensive coaching from Mr. Magpie, who has reminded me on countless occasions that “you miss every shot you don’t take” and “if you don’t ask, the answer is always ‘no,'” I have gotten more comfortable with countering. At the beginning, I was often worried that countering would make me unlikeable or would hurt someone’s feelings, but those assumptions have proven either incorrect or unfair to myself — or both. The key for me has been realizing that I don’t need to be rude or unpleasant to negotiate. I can present an alternative calmly and politely in a way that gestures toward fairness for all parties. I typically start my counter offers by saying: “Thank you so much for the generous offer” or “I’m honored by this opportunity…” or “This is such exciting news!” A small thing, but starting the conversation from a place of gratitude and acknowledgement helps me put my best foot forward and tends to build goodwill.
Nowadays, my biggest stumbling block in the negotiations arena is the old “bird in the hand” mindset I occupy in all realms of my life — that is, “a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.” I can’t tell whether this mentality is a condition of expediency or risk intolerance. Mr. Magpie will go through multiple rounds of counter-offers to get to a place that he deems fair. Meanwhile, I would rather have a firm resolution that’s in the ballpark of what I want than sit uncomfortably in limbo going back and forth and worry that I’ve risked the entire enchilada. Mr. Magpie often makes the valid point that it is pretty rare an entire deal will go asunder by adding an extra round of negotiation — most of the time, both parties are pot-committed and determined to make things work by that point. This has proven to be correct over time, but doesn’t make the experience any less of a nail-biter for me.
Mr. Magpie and I have been in a number of these kinds of negotiations recently in the process of buying our new home, finding movers, renting our current apartment in NYC, selling various items in our home, etc, and I’m always a bundle of nerves, begging him not to go back again, while he displays flinty determination in getting to a satisfactory result. I should note that he is never untoward or unpleasant in these conversations. He is calm, collected, rational, gentlemanly. Still, I find the process gut-turning. On my run the other morning, I found myself wondering whether the delta between us in this regard is a gender thing, a personality thing, or the result of his MBA? (Probably a combination of all three?) One framework he shared the other week that has helped me better accommodate his perspective involved acknowledging and identifying constraints on both sides of the negotiation. That is, it often feels as though I have the most to lose in a negotiation, but that’s not necessarily true. As an example, I have worked with various vendors over the years. It has felt at times as though I will run the risk of entirely losing the opportunity to work together if I don’t accept the proposed terms, my constraints being budget and ability (I actually cannot do that thing by myself). However, the vendor is operating under its own constraints, and it is worthwhile to take a minute to imagine what they might be. As an example, it probably cost the vendor a lot of time and money (whether marketing, staff time, etc) to acquire me as a customer, and it is less expensive for them to drop the price on my project than it is to find a new lead and bring her to the point of contract.
My broad point here is that negotiating is a skill developed over time, and it is worthy of practice. Running two businesses has taught me that no one will advocate for you. You must be willing to advance your own objectives or someone else’s will supersede your own. (Sometimes, by the way, that’s OK — there are issues that are not particularly important, or costly, or worth your time, or maybe you just think the other party deserves it. But sometimes, it is a matter of fairness, and sometimes you are being taken for a ride. I have been!) I should add that these principles do not only apply to my narrow experiences with entrepreneurship. Some of the best negotiators I know are stay-at-home mothers who know how to navigate healthcare systems with sophistication, get a fair deal on home services, achieve a better outcome with customer service representatives, etc. You have to show up for yourself — no one else will!
What about you? How do you approach negotiation? Are you good at it?
+Speaking of, I feel as though I’ve worn statement earrings for years now but completely neglected statement necklaces. This Roxanne Assoulin and this Lizzie Fortunato are helping me course-correct.
+These shoes are SO chic! I know a lot of you are fans of this brand. I think they’d be a great summer alternative to my velvet Birdie mules I wore all winter long!
+They are an investment, but these Minnow rash guards are just the best. They fit snugly and the blue color goes with so many of the suits I tend to buy. Plus, gender neutral so can be passed down from sibling to sibling!
+Did you know Free People sells activewear? These $30 shorts are a bestseller and come in fantastic colors.
+Speaking of outdoors: PSA — S&L has marked down their outdoor furniture through July 6. A few of their tables have been contenders in my current search for patio dining furniture and this promo might push me over the edge. This this teak garden table (I like that the white legs open up fun possibilities for contrasting chairs) is towards the top of my list.
+Such a pretty pillow — would be great for pattern/color mixing. (More chic throw pillows here.)
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.This post was originally sponsored by Serena & Lily. It has been updated since its original publication in 2021, and is still loved and treasured in our new home in Bethesda.
A lot of us are in the midst of furnishing or re-furnishing our homes at the moment, and I wanted to shine a spotlight on one of my absolute favorite furniture investment pieces over the past few years: my Serena & Lily Blake dresser. If you have been following this blog for awhile, you probably recall that I had been eyeing this dresser for years, and when we moved into our second Manhattan apartment, I finally had the space to buy it. I bought mine in the “wide size” in fog gray (no longer available, but their coastal blue is very similar), which felt like a perfect match for our predominantly gray/blue/silver bedroom. I was principally attracted to the raffia texture, which contrasts beautifully with the other pieces in our bedroom (upholstered headboard, mirrored side tables, wood desk, and upholstered desk chair), and somehow just makes the space feel “softer” in general. As I have gotten older, I have found myself increasingly drawn towards rooms (and outfits, actually) that feel coordinated but not matchy-matchy, so I loved that the Blake dresser was in the same fog gray as our bed (also Serena and Lily) but they did not look to be purchased as a set. I appreciated the way they both boast strong, nearly architectural (?) designs — the Pondicherry bed with confident curves and the dresser with a bold, block-like Parsons-style design — but they aren’t the same designs. Something about the play of curves with lines in these two major pieces of furniture in my bedroom just makes my heart sing. I have also always loved those gorgeous brass pulls. Mr. Magpie often jokes about my obsession with that detail, as our bedside tables also feature them, and I presented him with several consoles with the same style of pull when we were looking for one for our living room. What can I say? It’s like jewelry? It adds polish? It offers dimension? I don’t know, but the dresser gets me.
From a functionality standpoint, the drawers of the dresser are wide and beautifully constructed of wood. They are a near-perfect match for these drawer-dividers (so much so Mr. Magpie asked whether they came built-in to the dresser!), which help me keep my shirts folded perfectly a la Marie Kondo. A small thing, but the scroll of the drawers along the metal glides really speaks to the quality of the dresser’s construction in my opinion — previously, I had used a cute little bead board style dresser I’d bought from Crate and Barrel right out of college whose drawers would sometimes dribble open (I suppose the dresser was not totally flat, or the metal glides weren’t?), and then I had a love-hate relationship with an old cedar dresser Mr. Magpie inherited — the kind whose drawers sort of hang at an angle when opened. These were not insurmountable problems by any stretch of the imagination, but once I had the S&L dresser, immediately noticed the absence of any such foibles. This thing is built beautifully, and to last. (As an example, the entire back of the dresser is covered in raffia, too, so you could easily position it somewhere in a room where the back is visible without batting an eye! Every detail is done right, no expense spared.)
My one hesitation with buying the dresser was upkeep. I had noted that you shouldn’t use any cleaning products on it, and that you must instead address any spills/stains with “a clean dry cloth.” Does anyone else with children shudder upon reading those words?! I mean, how on earth…? I actually went back and forth on whether to wait to buy it until our children were older, imagining my daughter running into our bedroom and swiping my beloved dresser with chocolate-covered fingers, but in the end, this has not been an issue at all. It’s not common we have food in our bedroom, and in fact the children are rarely in our bedroom, full-stop. I also think that the variegated texture/colors of the dresser could hide a random spot or two — as you can see in the photos above, there are natural variations and color differences in the raffia itself. I have just been using a microfiber cloth to wipe it down and rid it of dust/debris. In fact, my experienceon the upkeep front has made me think differently about outfitting my home with small children in tow. I now feel comfortable investing in pieces in our bedroom and offices, as our dresser has fared beautifully and without incident for nearly two years now, but will continue to be highly cautious and reasonable when outfitting the family room, kitchen, and dining room. Accordingly, I am already contemplating the purchase of one of their stunning chaises for our new bedroom — can you imagine the luxury of reading on it, especially if outfitted in a fabulous print?! — or possibly (finally!) upgrading to a King bed and moving our queen-sized one to one of the guest bedrooms. I have no qualms about having a room almost entirely outfitted in Serena & Lily (we also have their Amelia rug in our bedroom) as I think you can achieve an effect that looks eclectic — different textures, shapes, finishes — but all hangs together. So much to look forward to — just trying to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race when it comes to decorating…!
I’m back with a new batch of honest reviews, and I feel like I’m tackling some heavily hyped products in this installment. Eager to here your feedback and experiences with these widely endorsed beauty finds! The TL;DR is that my favorite new product discovery is Elta MD’s facial sunscreen, though there were a lot of very good products this go around!
+Clarins V-Facial Intensive Lift (currently on sale!). I’d had my eye on this mask since Courtney Grow listed it as a “requirement for women over 30.” I’d heard many other beauty enthusiasts rave about how it de-puffs and contours the face, so I was thrilled when Clarins generously gifted me my own tub to try. The results first baffled and then impressed me. For context, for years, I’ve been obsessed with Peter Thomas Roth’s Rose Stem Cell mask (basically sold out everywhere but here — I think they’ve discontinued it, sob), and I specifically like the way it leaves my skin feeling dewy, radiant, and deeply hydrated. My runner up long-time favorite mask is Origins Rose Clay Mask, which is a totally different experience — it hardens and tightens the skin and then you wipe off with warm water and your skin feels as soft as a baby’s bottom. But both masks leave me feeling like a glowing goddess, nearly trailed by a halo. So when I removed the Clarins mask after it’s appointed ten minutes, I felt confused. Where was the halo effect? I didn’t register the sensation I usually associate with masks — slightly tender, soft, glowing skin. However, I kid you not: my face looked almost chiseled?! There was a noticeable difference especially around my mouth and along my neckline — everything looked tauter, more streamlined. It immediately became my go-to face mask when going out in the evening or even getting ready for a daytime event. I will still use the rose stem cell at night (I like to sleep in it) but before a night out? Before applying makeup? Yes ma’am. Very impressed with this one-of-a-kind product! Strongly encourage you to try it, with the caveat noted above that it’s not so much a mask for radiant, glowing skin as it is for facial contouring and tightening.
+Saie Mascara. I was so excited about this clean mascara — I’ve had many readers and friends rave about it, whether or not they are clean beauty enthusiasts! It is definitely one of the best mascaras I’ve ever tried, and hands-down the best clean mascara I’ve ever used (better than Ilia, which I also thought was quite good — Saie is even better at lengthening and lifting). I actually tested one eye with the Saie and one with my ride-or-die Armani mascara and think they both deliver great results — only the Saie is more natural and does.not.clump, which I have to admit Armani does by comparison. I will absolutely be using this mascara until empty for day time. For night, I’ll probably still reach for the slightly-more-dramatic Armani. (Note that Armani is now available in a mini size if you want to test without the commitment of a full tube!)
+Elta MD Facial Sunscreen. Y’all were right. This is the best facial sunscreen out there, and that says a lot coming from a longtime devotee of La Roche Posay’s fluid sunscreen. Let me put it this way: I have a semi-strict one-in-one-out rule when it comes to beauty/cosmetics purchases in the same product category. I simply don’t have the space to hang on to ten different mascaras and four different moisturizers. (Manhattan living and the associated shortage of storage space has trained me to play beauty hardball: I use products until they are completely empty OR I chuck them/give them away to friends/siblings if I decide they aren’t for me.). When I was running low on LRP, I bought Elta and wanted to give it a little try after it first arrived, even though I still had a few days left of LRP. I cannot bring myself to wear those last few days of LRP — I only want the Elta! I am going to have to force myself to finish it the next few days prior to our move. Anyhow, it’s about the consistency — it absolutely glides on and is far less runny than LRP. The consistency makes me feel confident I’m covering every single square inch of my face — something about it makes you keenly aware of where you’ve applied it. And makeup lays beautifully on top of it. I’m officially a convert. I just discovered it on sale with free shipping for $28 here and ordered another bottle so I’m ready to go when I run out.
+Saie Glowy Super Gel Highlighter. I bought this highlighting gel primer after reading quite a bit of hype and it mainly made me realize I have already overbought in the “illuminating cosmetics” category. Do I need a highlighting primer when I’m already using multiple layers of serum (illuminating!), glowscreen, illuminating powder, and my favorite Westman Atelier highlight stick? The answer is, frankly, no. It just felt like another step. I did enjoy applying it as an added layer for my birthday dinner out — I mean, why not?! If I have the time and a special occasion ahead, I’ll take an extra little boost. It’s a nice consistency, easy to apply with fingers all over the face prior to applying tinted moisturizer/foundation, and not so shimmery that you feel like opalescent. A novelty/big-night-out purchase. Still, if you are looking for just one highlighting/illuminating tool, I would rec the Westman Atelier stick in clear over any other product in this category. It is a dream.
+Elemis Pro-Collagen Cleansing Balm. I’ve written about this product a few times over the past few weeks, but wanted to reiterate my review here. This is a lovely, luxurious product. I look forward to removing my makeup with it on nights I’m feeling unharried and self-care-oriented. You slather this deliciously-scented balm all over your face and wipe away with a warm wet towel, and all of your makeup and any dirt/residue on your face absolutely melts off. You are left with lightly perfumed, hydrated, cleansed, glowing skin. It’s an elegant experience — so fetching, in fact, I sent a pot of it to my mother for mother’s day in the hopes that it would leave her feeling similarly pampered. My only hesitation with recommending this 100% is that I find it competes with the skincare regimen that has been working well for me since December 2020. Namely, if I use the balm, then I won’t use my Tata Harper regenerating cleanser, which I find very effective in balancing my skin and preventing breakouts. (I also love the scrubby texture of the cleanser.) I also feel as though applying either my retinoid or my glycolic acid pads (I alternate between these two most nights of the week, taking a break every now and then if my skin feels dry) negates the effect of the Elemis balm, almost stripping away the collagen/oils it imparts. In other words — great product, but not sure how to make it work with the other items I have found effective in my skincare regimen. For now, keeping it as a luxury experience for nights I need a little TLC.
+Clarins V-Shaping Facial Lift Eye Cream (also on sale!). Alongside the aforementioned face mask, Clarins also sent me their eye concentrate and serum from the same line. I am in love with the eye concentrate. It’s honestly like nothing I’ve ever tried before as an eye product. I love the metal applicator — so cooling to the touch, and deposits just the right amount of product! — and the product itself is a thin, clear gel. So many other eye products feel thick and buttery by contrast, and therefore become more difficult to layer under concealer. I truly find that this product tightens and de-puffs the eye area. There is still no eye product I’ve found that really does anything with dark circles to speak of, but I’ve given up on that front at this point and will take what I can get with regards to making my eye area look tightened and smooth. I did not really register much of a result from using the serum, though I will say I already use and love two other serums (the famous Clarins Double Serum and Drunk Elephant Vitamin C) and so part of me just had trouble figuring out how and when to fit it into my beauty routine. I would recommend Clarins’ Double Serum all day every day instead — that’s a hero product for me.
+French Girl Rose Lip Polish. How many rose products is too many rose products? Ha. My sister gave me this lip polish as a part of my birthday gift and it is delightful! I have been using it before dinners out so lipstick will stay on perfectly/will not flake. I follow it up with a healthy slather of Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream. A great addition to your summer beauty arsenal for dry lips or to prep your pout for a matte lip color.
+Slip Eye Mask (on sale). My sister also gifted me a Slip silk eye mask as a part of my birthday gift (#spoiled) and urged me to give it a try. She and her husband both sleep with these and insist they make for the best beauty sleep on earth. I have to say, I am seriously loving the slight compression this eye mask affords when I slip it on at night, and I am also intrigued by the brand’s assertion that the silk material “protects delicate skin from the tugging effects of tossing and turning.” I’ll take that! My only problem is that I wake up every morning and I have apparently at some point in the evening taken it off? I keep finding it on my floor. I’m not sure if I’m doing this subconsciously or if it just slides off my head? Ha! Anyway, I can see how it might become a relaxing part of my bedtime ritual — with the added benefit of deterring me from checking my phone or even registering when it might be going off. Will continue to test this over the next few weeks but wanted to toss in an early impression of its benefits and appeal.
+Supergoop Glowscreen. Another product I feel like I’ve written about 3,000 times already, but I am in love (!!!) with this illuminating, moisturizing SPF. I originally specifically bought it for mornings I run — perfect to slather on before heading out without applying any other makeup, as it offers a tiny bit of coverage/color correction and a nice amount of illumination in addition to SPF. However, I like it so much, I find that I blend it with my tinted moisturizer nearly every morning that I’m not going on a run, too! (I find I need more coverage than it provides, hence why I blend with another brand.) I love the illumination it affords — gleaming, sun-kissed, happy skin. Could not love this product more as either a stand-alone while playing sports/running/exercising or blended with other facial products for every day wear. Definitely (!) a favorite discovery this year.
The items I am currently testing for my next installment or that are sitting in my cart at the moment:
NEW WESTMAN ATELIER CHEEK STICK — I HAVE IT IN DOU DOU (J’ADORE — GIVES A WINONA-RYDER-FLUSHED-FROM-A-WINTER-SPRINT EFFECT TO MY CHEEKS) BUT WANT IT IN EITHER POPPET OR MINETTE
I know I’ve shared this a few times, but Target’s collection with Quincy Mae is incredible — love the striped set I bought for micro (seen above) so much for a nap / post-adventure / lounge situation, I’m inclined to buy a second set. Did I mention these pieces are 100% organic cotton?! Super soft and fairly thick, too.
Do you think that there are certain childhood ages that are categorically more difficult to parent than others? This is not to say that we can’t still enjoy and celebrate each age, or that we don’t still absolutely adore our children with reckless abandon through the more difficult phases, but — #realtalk. Is this the case?!
Over dinner a few weeks ago, friends of ours said: “They tell you to brace yourself for the terrible twos, but we weren’t prepared the difficulty of the threenager phase. Three was way more difficult for us than two.” This was the third or fourth set of parents who had shared the same observation on the twos versus the threes independently of one one another in recent memory.
I have to agree with this mounting and informal consensus. Three really rocked our world. It was full of big emotions, boundary-testing, what felt like endless reinforcement of the same set of rules, meltdowns, struggles to get through even highly routine steps in our daily regimen. I can’t tell you how many nights we spent troubleshooting as parents: “But what if we tried…?” and “Maybe she needs more one-on-one time…?” and “We just need to be consistent on…” I was frankly shell-shocked by the sassiness and the dawn of emotionally manipulative comments and the shocking volume of her feelings around needing a specific cup, or specific pajamas, or what have you. There was also the daunting reality of being physically outmatched: at two, my daughter could be lifted out of a dangerous situation; at three, my daughter could often out-run and out-wrangle me.
Then again. We were parenting a child through a pandemic; I feel as though she was still processing the addition of a new sibling (“he’s permanent?!”); she is our first and therefore this was our inaugural interaction with the threenager phase; and the period is also fresh in our memories, whereas, for example, newborn days feel like a distant blur (time does sand down the edges, doesn’t it?). Is it possible that when micro hits this age, we will be seasoned enough to “come ready” and feel less throttled by the Big Emotions of a three year old? Do some children lean into “the threes” more than others? Will gender play a role? Is two with micro going to be more difficult for us than three with him simply because he is who he is? (I already feel as though micro at two is far more physical, fearless, and adventurous than mini was at the same age, though…am I just forgetting? Or was it a little bit easier because there were two parents to one child versus now two on two, and we are therefore necessarily stretched thin this go around?) Does it all vary by child anyhow, regardless of how many you have or what’s going on with the world? (I say this with particular attentiveness because the OK-to-wake clock we bought for our daughter was a game-changer for us — but it does not work for every family. I was discussing this with a mom friend who had no luck with the clock, and I observed: “Well, you know, mini is something of a rule-follower — like me! I think it worked because of that. She tends to like things with discernible signals, logic, etc. I would have also probably reacted well to it as a child.”)
That is to say, there are so many dynamics, inputs, idiosyncrasies, and conditions to contend with that I feel hesitant to categorically say “three was more difficult than two.” However. It truly felt that way, at least with mini. Corroborating this perception: it seems as though mini turned four and a switch flipped. Gone are the protracted conversations and outbursts when leaving the playground, or a playdate, or any interesting activity. She can be reasoned with. She can be relied upon to uphold and even remind us of the rules (“no talking with your mouth full, mama!”). She is downright helpful with her brother, alerting us when he is getting into something he shouldn’t and a serving as a fountain of knowledge for new sitters (“he only drinks milk out of these cups”; “he needs to be wearing a bib”; etc.). She may push back or whine or pout when she does not get her way, but I cannot remember her last tantrum (!). What a relief just writing that! I know, of course, that four will have its own trials and tribulations. I worry, for example, about whether children will be more judgmental about her eye patch as she heads towards five, and I think a lot more about the children she pals around with. I have seen her bring home new phrases and awarenesses that give me pause. A whole new world to contend with. I am already anticipating feedback along the lines of “but Kennedy is allowed to do this!” Still, for anyone struggling through the threes, let me be your ray of hope for the day: parenting my four-year-old daughter feels about ten times easier than parenting her when she was three.
When my children were very young, my mother had a habit of reminding me that, with infants, it’s often two steps forward, one step back, especially with sleep and feeding patterns. I have never been able to pause this fast and inconsistent footwork, even well beyond the newborn phase: some days feel easy, and others feel impossible. We make strides in one area — let’s say, table etiquette — and then all of the sudden mini is licking butter off her noodles one by one, with her feet propped up against the table, the very picture of defiance. (!?!) I look at her blinkingly, and I wonder whether any of the three trillion and ten reminders and rejoinders I have issued around the subject of table manners have been all for naught? We move from a relatively calm week where micro tampers with nothing in the apartment to a weekend where he cannot keep his fingers from any electrical cord in the unit. Then it’s back to neutral. Then it’s climbing tables. Then back to neutral. We remain, it seems, smack dab in the middle of that two-step-one-step tango.
In other words, everything is, truly, a phase and there are sub-phases and recursions and regressions within phases to boot. Raising my children feels anything but linear. So I suppose it remains to be seen whether three will prove to be one of the most challenging ages we will face with mini. Perhaps we will encounter a new bumpy patch at four and a half, or seven will be tricky, and God help me come the teenage years. I know enough from watching my parents gray while raising five teenagers to know that it is not an easy road. Beyond that, I have a hunch that by the time my girl is in her 20s, I will have all but forgotten the travails of threenagerdom, remembering instead her willingness to hold my hand; her wonderment at space and bugs and tiny little toys; the way she shrieked with joy while running through the splash pads of New York City; her obsession with blue; the flick of her ponytails as she sprinted ahead of us down the city sidewalks of Manhattan.
Cheers to anyone who is sitting there gobsmacked by a new phase. Sometimes it helps to be reminded that “this, too, shall pass” (as noted earlier, I can state with confidence that four feels much easier than three so far!) and sometimes you want to know that other people’s children lick butter off their noodles and tamper with electrical outlets, too. In either case: tonight at five p.m., I’ll be toasting to you in solidarity.
In the meantime, curious to know what you think about the idea that certain phases are just trickier than others as a parent? What say you?
+The latest Smockingbird x Julia Amory collection launched last week and I just had to have this sweet sundress for mini. She already owns this dress of theirs from their previous collection and it is such a treasure. These are fantastic dresses for family portraits, special occasions, school photos, etc. I am also tempted by this matching sibling moment — these trunks for micro, and this rashguard for mini! (And you can also twin with your mini in your own shirtdress!). I would say that their styles run TTS for little ones. Mini consistently wears a 5 and takes a size 5 in her dresses.
+If you are into the Carrie Forbes sandal vibe but after the look for less, Kaanas just launched very similar sandals and I saw them come on Shopbop last week and they’re already old out! There are still a few available at Madewell! Also like this style by the same brand.
+I wore this seashell print nap dress to Citi Field over the weekend for a Mets game and it was STINKING HOT outside (92 degrees and blazing sun) and it did me RIGHT. The lightest weight fabric and I love the way the skirt portion barely skims/touches your body when standing upright to allow for maximum ventilation. I also got stopped twice by people asking about it :). Pretty much the perfect weekend summer dress.
+I know I have fellow mamas who swear by Nuk active cups — the only way I have gotten my children to switch from bottles to sippy cups, and I must have tried a dozen other brands during this tricky transition — and they just launched a two-pack in a neutral pattern (praise be) for $11 that I snagged. Most of their cups have cartoon characters on the side so I welcome something simpler…it’s the little things.
+We will be in the car with the children yet again next week — I have frankly been surprised/impressed by how tolerant micro has been with all of the car time over the past few weeks after virtually none for the first two years of his life. The big hits for him have been WaterWows (remember to pre-fill the pens with water before you hit the road), lift-the-flap books like this one, and sticker books. These Dover ones require more help from a parent (he has trouble getting the stickers off himself), but the size is better for his small hands; these M&D ones he can do himself, though he seems to have more trouble balancing the book upright in his carseat. Meanwhile, mini has been very into Polly Pockets and sticker sets like this.
+So far, we have been very impressed with the Nuna Rava car seat. To be fair, we don’t have any point of comparison for a convertible car seat, but I am already thinking I’ll be thrilled to be able to totally remove and launder the seat cover since there are already crumbs and stains happening.
+A lot of my favorite small children’s boutiques are running major mid-summer sales, including Frilly Frog, with 40% off its sale section with code SALE40. I buy the bulk of my children’s clothing while on sale in these promotions! Always love anything by Sal E Pimenta, including this sweet striped dress (another good family portrait pick) and any and all of their swimwear; everyday cotton dresses like this; and OMG this dress for your little lady’s first visit to Disney World, which is something Mr. Magpie and I are currently discussing…
+Still time to order fun headbands for the Fourth if you’re doing something low key like we are. (We’re making a flag cake and having a picnic!)
By: Jen Shoop
This Mother Theresa quote is near-ubiquitous, possibly platitudinous (?), but the other day, it appeared, mirage-like, in my thoughts and I carried it around with me for the better part of the day:
“Do small things with great love.”
Knowing that these words came from Mother Teresa, I am of course inclined to imagine the humble and wordless ministrations of a caregiver wiping crumbs from the face of a child, or preparing a bed with clean sheets and hospital corners. Small things, done with solicitousness.
By contrast, how often do I absolutely race through the process of preparing breakfast for my children prior to thoughtlessly — almost robotically — clearing their plates and shuffling the morning right along into its next phase? On the one hand, this sort of perfunctoriness is necessary: I keep the household moving, and ensure my children are fed, brushed, and clothed by the time I sit down to my desk at 9 a.m. And sometimes the rote is a gift, clearing needed mental space for undertaking other intellectual or emotional work: I can be pouring milk cups while also pondering the American Scholar article my father sent or ingesting the news. Beyond that, I am not so spacey as to think that there might be hidden joy or rivulets of love to be found in selecting a plate for my daughter’s breakfast, or what have you. But still — could I maneuver myself to a place where many of the daily responsibilities in my life are achieved with love rather than an occasionally begrudging sense of conscientiousness or rule-followership? What might that look like? I am thinking specifically of the way my mother packed my lunch: always with a little love note on the napkin in her loopy blue script; the napkin invariably, artfully folded on the diagonal. Even the fact that she took the time to fold the napkin just-so speaks to me today: the tiniest of kisses. I also think of the way she will often turn down the coverlet on the bed before bedtime, or offer me a soda alongside a cup of ice. Small things, done with great care and consideration. I think, too, of my husband: the way he warms my plate before dinner, and chills my glass before a cocktail, and never declines the opportunity to plate my meal and garnish it, too. The way he sets my coffee out, prepared the way I like it, so it’s waiting for me at my desk. The fact that he never ever neglects to wrap my gifts, giving thought to the presentation itself.
I think there are also ways to do small things for myself “with great love.” This will either resonate with you or confirm your suspicion that I am bizarre beyond belief, but it is not an infrequent occasion for me to be sitting at my desk, parched with thirst, but not willing to get up to fetch water for myself because I’m in the throes of work, or I will be rushing around trying to put things away after running a few errands or cleaning up the house and will not pause to use the rest room or feed myself lunch until absolutely everything is tidied, finished, taken to the garbage, etc. I suppose you can chalk it up to “completion desire”: I am so task-oriented that I would rather finish something in its entirety than interrupt the flow. But after reading the Mother Teresa quote the other day, I got up and poured myself a glass of water when I was thirsty and later, when bringing home a bunch of fresh flowers, actually took the time to enjoy arranging them in a vase versus rushing to clip them, get rid of the debris, and sprint to the next thing on my list. If I am sounding schmaltzy, forgive me. But these tiny decisions appear to me as a new and miniature mode of self-care: doing the smallest of things with love for myself.
+Speaking of tennis, Marysia’s coveted scalloped tennis dress is back in stock here in white (run!!!) and here in black. More fun tennis and golf gear here.
+Such a small thing, but we now have a bunch of different keys for our house, for my parents’ house, etc, and I am out of key rings! I found some cute ones at an Etsy shop, including this rose embroidered style and this throwback motel style.
+Ordered some extra silicon mats for the children. I find these a conveninent way to preserve our dinner table and catch spills, but my gripe is that they are a pain to dry after washing/wiping. I love that this set comes with those convenient cutouts so you can hang them from a hook.
By: Jen Shoop
One fun way to make a big statement using items you already own: organize your book spines by color rather than height or subject matter. I always get a lot of comments on the monochromatic arrangement of books on my bookshelves (seen above and available here — you won’t believe what a great price these are!), and have even had visitors ask whether I buy my books according to color. Ha! If you don’t have enough books in the same color family, don’t be afraid to remove the jacket cover — they often reveal beautiful colors/patterns beneath. I’ve also seen creatives arrange their books spine-to-the-wall so that you see lots of white/cream pages instead of the book jackets. Less functional (you can’t see which book you’re looking for!) but I can see the appeal if you’re simply trying to tidy up a bookshelf of never-touched books. (For example, we have loads of Lonely Planet Travel Guides that are used rarely — i.e., only when we are traveling to a particular destination — that are something of an eyesore on a shelf, but you could flip them all around to just see a tidy row of white instead.)
All that said, a few absolutely beautiful coffee table / book shelf books that I have purchased specifically for their design/color (and also lovely to spend a morning poring over with a cup of coffee!). These are great if you’re looking for a short stack on an end table or to lay flat on a bookshelf. Some of these are cookbooks that were purchased by Mr. Magpie for their content alone that proved so attractive, I gradually co-opted them into the decor of our home. (Mr. Magpie routinely asks me where such-and-such cookbook is?! — and I’ve usually nestled it artfully on a bookshelf. Ha.) I own nearly all of these!
I don’t own these yet, but I also absolutely love the look of the Assouline destination books. These would be fantastic if you already have a color scheme going in a room and you want to nail it home or draw out one of the “supporting” colors in a throw pillow.
And a few other decorative books currently on my lust list:
I mentioned that we inherited a rattan outdoor furniture set for the patio of our new home (similar vibe with this), which we could not be more thrilled about. I love the look! Mr. Magpie is going to spray paint the set once we arrive so it looks ultra-crisp/fresh. The cushions left something to be desired, and my mother-in-law originally offered to sew us new cushion covers (she is an excellent seamstress and has fantastic taste to boot — the type of woman who sews her own drapes, reupholsters her own furniture, etc.), but then she found this chic and reasonably priced set in navy with smart white piping and we decided to go that direction instead! Now I’m spending way too much time wondering about throw pillows when I should be focusing on much higher priority tasks, like which furniture pieces we must order ASAP and which to wait on, and how to sequence/tie it all together as we are currently in the process of engaging an interior designer to help with certain aspects. Anyhow, I did discover that The Inside has some fantastic printed outdoor pillows in a 20″ size (I like the scale of that size over a 16″ or 18″) — the coral in particular might be a fun contrast with the navy, or maybe the blue aviary to have a shades-of-blue situation?!
+I bought these bandaids because the prints were fun but OMG. These are actually the best bandaids?? They actually stay on micro’s foot, even when traipsing through sand and water at the beach, and when wearing sneakers that rub at the heel of his foot?! I am in shock! Great, great bandaid that will actually stick on for a long time.
+These seriously fun Aquazzura slides — 55% off and would transform any white dress or even denim shorts and a white shirt into the perfect outfit for the FOJ.
I turn 37 today. In years past, I’ve taken my birthday as an occasion for deep introspection — especially when I turned 34 and then 35. (36 was a weird year — COVID was not yet in the rear view mirror and insights were few and far between.) So I sit here at my little white desk at 3:39 P.M. overlooking the UWS and I ask myself: “What did I learn this year?” I think my main achievements have been in the mental wellness space. I find myself far more emotionally resourceful and self-aware after this past year. Perhaps COVID required this of all of us: Mr. Magpie took up meditation, and I focused on small and intentional ways to make my life feel more measured and less harried. I now find myself in near-constant, self-conscious conversation with myself. When I was highly stressed in the days leading up to the closing on our house (somehow, there were still things that needed ironing out 48 hours prior to close, which I have since learned is not particularly uncommon), I remember having the wherewithal to pause and tell myself: “This is hard. But this, too, shall pass. Know that you have had this exact same set of emotions in past moves and life decisions, and usually the discomfort relates to the unknowns of enormous change. Take a deep breath and remember that things always have a way of working out.”
Perhaps most powerfully, I have learned to let myself live with my own emotions, to let them breathe, to not instinctively bat them away or shush them or tell myself “you shouldn’t feel this way because of xyz.” I have told my sisters on countless occasions: “You are entitled to feel the way you feel.” This year, I remembered to tell myself the same thing.
I am imperfect, of course — at the pediatrician a few months ago, I mentioned that I blamed myself for a habit of one of my children, and she paused and tsked: “No, no, let’s not get into blaming ourselves.” Still, I feel as though I have “leveled up” in my own ability to take care of my emotions and recognize that, as I put it in a post earlier this week, I am not personally responsible for everything that happens in my life.
I also find myself increasingly accepting of the inevitable march of time on my body. Though I do occasionally find myself crooning: Oh, to be lithe and 18 again!, I also feel — perhaps moreso than any other year — grateful to be living in this body at this time. It survived two C-sections, the flu, and COVID in the past few years, and it now dutifully runs 3-4 miles every other day, and what can I say? I am lucky to be stewarding it through this life, laugh lines and wrinkles included.
So cheers to 37. Looking forward to settling in somewhere permanent (that we own!) to give this active body and mind a slight break — or whatever break I can get given that life with two small children only moves at one speed: uncomfortably fast.
Onward!
Post-Scripts: Half-Zip Sweatshirt.
+I have an oversized half-zip sweatshirt almost identical to this in the slate blue color and LOVE it for chilly nights/throwing on over leggings for a Lady Di vibe. (She actually wore ones from Sloppy Joe, which are kind of pricey and a pain to get your hands on…but I get the hype.)
+Go full Princess Di by pairing with black bike shorts. I actually like this style, which is a little shorter than a proper bike short…more flattering for me.
+Tenderleaf Toys makes such beautiful toys — mini would love this set. She loves anything that has little parts that you use, especially that echo common household/daily activities, like brushing hair, working at a computer, cooking, etc.
+These affordable personalized pouches (#pouchlife) remind me of Stoney Clover but at a tremendous fraction of the price. Love the second photo, where a purchaser arranged them all as gifts at a luncheon! Cute idea for a bachelorette, girl’s birthday party, etc.
+Adore this blush wine glass set — I’m imagining a porch sit with a girlfriend and a bottle of wine in the near future…
The final installment this month, and this batch is yet again full of wedding guest/special occasion dress queries! I’ve updated my wedding guest dress shop, but wanted to also highlight a few recent dress finds at the top of this post that might be just your ticket:
Volume I here and Volume II here. You can always email me, too!
Q: Couch and nightstands.
A: Sounds like we are in a similar furniture-buying binge. The couch is so individual to the space, life stage, etc., but we are probably going to buy this sectional from PB. I like that it is slipcovered and am into the coastal/Hamptons vibe of the design. However, there were a number of readers who wrote in to rave about the quality of Crate + Barrel’s sectionals. I love Crate and Barrel — I have bought several great, clean-lined pieces that have outlasted even my Pottery Barn furniture — but in this case just slightly preferred the PB couch style. The Inside also does couches and I have to say I love that they have so many fun prints and colors to choose from. It feels like PB and C+B have only shades of white, taupe, gray and sometimes blue if you’re lucky. Serena + Lily does, too, but much more expensive. A few other spots to consider:
JAYSON HOME — WE BOUGHT OUR CURRENT LIVING ROOM SOFA FROM HERE AND CAN ATTEST TO THE QUALITY
ABC HOME – MAKES BEAUTIFUL PIECES THAT FEEL MORE ONE-OF-A-KIND/CUSTOM THAN YOU CAN FIND IN BIG BOX STORES
BALLARD DESIGNS — FUN UPHOLSTERY OPTIONS AND LOTS OF GREAT STYLES
For nightstands: just did an extensive roundup here, but the TL;DR is that my budget pick is this lovely little score (under $140 and comes in a great blue color) and my “sure thing” pick that would work with nearly any style and accommodate nearly any need is this white beauty. Love the pull-out tray for added surface area, and the drawers are so functional! Just add a few pretty books at the bottom, or a basket to house glasses/remotes/etc, and you’re golden.
A: Having just gone through family portraits, I know how tricky this is. I would advise starting with a dress you love that looks great on you — for the beach, here are a few ensembles I would consider:
+For the beach, I’m into an all-white ensemble as you already have the gorgeous canvas of the sand and blue water. This dress for you; this for your mini me; white or khaki shorts and white button-down for your little man (or shortalls if he’s tiny); linen shirt and either khakis or white shorts on your man.
+In general, if you find a dress you love, work from there. I find that Sal E Pimenta, Luli and Me, and La Coqueta have great options for little ones in a wide range of colors.
Q: Dress I can wear to a black tie optional wedding at 20 weeks pregnant.
A: Congratulations!!! So fun, and such a relief to be out of the 12 week period where you are trying to hide it. I guess it depends on how you’re carrying. I felt like with my second, I showed much earlier. With my first, you could hardly tell I was pregnant until 24 weeks. If you are looking for a true maternity dress, I love this emerald green dress. It looks like Self-Portrait to me and I think would look great with an updo and big statement earrings. If you want to go for a non-maternity dress so it will work post-pregnancy, this Hunter Bell might be worth a try though it’s hard to tell how long the torso goes. Splurge pick: this Anna October in black (look for less with this, but it keeps selling out), which would 100% work with bump and might be the chicest thing I’ve ever seen. Saucy!
Q: Comfy, chic shoes for return to office. No more heels!
A: Amen! People (including my mom, who I would consider a tough critic on this front) rave about the comfort of Rothy’s, and they come in a range of styles. I love their loafer style, but I think it would depend on the formality of your office. You might be better off with something with a pointed toe, which always looks polished. In general, mules are lovely because you never get heel blisters, and I think Nicholas Kirkwood’s Beya style (pointed toe!) would be fantastic for work in a neutral, white, or black. (Very sophisticated!)
Q: Comfortable but chic wedding shoes I can dance in all night.
A: Aw, congratulations, bride-to-be! I would go with these in white or blue (something blue!). If that’s too daunting, consider this even lower heel, though I think the silhouette from the side would be less flattering. Less formal, but these mules from Reformation would be fun and easy to wear, too. Last but not least, Kate Spade does fun little wedding heels like these that would look adorable peeking out from the hem of a formal dress but be easy to wear into the night.
Q: Dresses for a 9-month-old for my brother’s wedding in Central America!
A: Congrats to your brother! Brava mama traveling with an itty bitty baby, too! For special occasions, I love the beautiful pieces from Luli and Me like this, Proper Peony like this, Pepa & Co like this, Rachel Riley like this or this, Question Everything like this, and La Coqueta like this.
Q: A new purse. $3K or less, classic yet not “old lady,” can be worn with jeans or dress.
A: Black quilted Chanel! Will go with everything and you will 100% wear it forever. If you decide to buy directly from a Chanel boutique brand new, they sell smaller sizes that will ring in at under $3000.
Q: Dress for a guest at a casual October wedding at the Dirty Dancing resort.
P.S. More special occasion dress ideas here or here.
Q: Montana semi-formal wedding guest dress!
A: My brother lived in Billings for many years! I like this floral, this Zimmermann, and this Beulah. I feel like Reformation might be the right vibe for that locale, too — this dress (mentioned above) in any of the prints would be a dream.
