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Mr. Magpie plan to travel to Italy this fall and I’m already daydreaming about it. I realized the other day I have been liking, pinning, and generally ogling at simple, polished pieces in neutrals and black and white for that dreamed-about excursion. Below, sharing some wardrobe inspiration for those of you on the eve of a trip abroad this summer. The first mood board is splurgey designer fabulousness, and the second mood board includes reasonably priced takes on similar trends — nearly everything under $100! — and both include fabulous pieces I’m eyeing for myself.
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+This dress is absolutely perfect for the Fourth next week — and can still arrive in time. It’s red, white, and blue stripe up close! And an extra 25% off through tomorrow. More of my favorites from this sale-on-sale here.
+LOVE this new fine-striped sweater from La Ligne. (10% off with MAGPIE10.) I’m sitting here in the A/C wearing my cotton mini marina — the best for tossing on over a tank!
+20% off sandals at Freda Salvador! I wish they still had these in my size.
+Loving these jammies from HHH – I actually wear the shorts as a bathing suit cover-up! Very cute.
+Loving all the fun, colorful pieces from jewelry designer Logan Tay (now carried at Anthro!) — this would be fun layered beneath a white button-down or paired with a simple strapless top/dress.
+One of my favorite haircare brands, Roz, is offering us 20% off all full-sized, indivudal products with code MAGPIE20 through June 30. I love their air thickening spray for body, their root lift spray for volume, and their milk serum as a primer/detangler before heat styling.
01. I can never have enough white dresses for the summer. This one has a pretty eyelet hem and a saucy back.
02. Crochet has been trending — this bag has such great colors and looks like the perfect everyday size.
03. These jacquard pants come in such a fun print and are seriously comfortable. I styled over a bathing suit (similar for less here) above, but would also look cute with a white tank.
04. I adore this strapless linen top. The bow details are the perfect touch.
05. A fabulous pair of white pants. Obsessed with the embroidery down the side.
06. This gingham swimsuit would pair perfectly with white linen beach pants — even the SEA ones above.
A few months ago, a girlfriend told me that she was proactively seeking small ways to give her six-year-old daughter more independence. She talked about sending her daughter to drop a letter into the mailbox across the street, and how her daughter had looked at her with saucer-wide eyes: “Across the street? By myself?” My friend nodded calmly, and then turned her back to busy herself with something else, as though it wasn’t a big deal, but once she heard the door close, she ran to the window to watch from behind a curtain. Her daughter stood at the curb and looked left and right for a good few minutes before sprinting across to drop the letter, and then ran home with a look of gleeful accomplishment on her face. I loved this story and have been channeling it with my own children since. My friend and I also talked about “the feral 80s and 90s” in which we grew up, where we enjoyed a lot more independence than our children’s generation does. I grew up in a house on top of a hill on a busy street, so I did not experience quite the same “don’t come back until dinnertime” vibe that many of my friends did — but I still remember my mother shooing us outside and not expecting to see us until lunch, and spending countless unsupervised afternoons at the local park and playground adjacent to my best friend’s Cathedral Heights-area home, and, strangely perhaps, in the gridded alleyways behind it. We liked to pretend we were Harriet(s) the Spy, and would crouch behind garbage bins and neighbors’ shrubs taking down notes about the (benign) ongoings of the neighborhood. I also recall many summers at the pool during which we made our own determinations about when to pause for a snack or water, when to wrap up and find adults to ferry us home, etc.
Mr. Magpie and I have been talking a lot about these themes the past few weeks, and have decided that our mission for the summer is to cultivate independence in our children. This is in part self-serving, or necessary, because we have no childcare this summer save for a few hours a week with a mother’s helper, but we also want to empower them, and help them see themselves as capable.
I’m curious to know — what are some pathways for inviting independence among children under the age of 8?
A few small, specific things we’ve been doing below —
+Teaching them to bathe themselves. I am still “spotting” them to ensure bodies are actually cleaned and suds are actually rinsed from hair, but bath/shower time is much less about me bending over and pouring water over their heads than ever before.
+Involving them in the preparation and plating of their own meals and snacks. Mr. Magpie bought them their own knife and peeler set (seen above), and we will invite them to wash and then slice their own berries, melon, peaches, etc. We also keep most (healthy, approved) snacks at reaching level so that they can help themselves to an apple, yogurt, cheese stick, granola bar, etc when they’re hungry.
+Teaching them to put on their own sunscreen and brush their own hair. This also requires “spotting” but it has to start somewhere.
+Asking that they run over to the neighbors to return / borrow something we need.
+Having them order their own food at restaurants.
+Buckling their own seat belts.
+Setting the table with napkins and appropriate cutlery, and asking them where they’d like to eat — outside? picnic? dining table?
+Granting them autonomy in dressing themselves and selecting shoes, jackets, etc.
+Giving them more wiggle room at bedtime. Summer is so forgiving — less pressure to get them to bed on time so that they have a full night of sleep for school! — and we’ve been lenient with them in the evenings. If they’re happily working on Legos, or coloring, or even riding bikes outside, we’ll let them know we’re closing in on bedtime, and suggest that they draw things to a close when they’re ready. This doesn’t always work out perfectly, but it feels gentler and more empowering to invite them finish a task, project, game, etc before shuffling them into bed.
+Sending them to pay for something at the cashier or vending machine.
+Asking them to place letters in the mailbox.
+In general, asking: “Why don’t you try to do that yourself?”, even if things take much longer or are not done fully.
What else can we do to foster this independence? What’s worked for you?
+How do you get your children to eat? (Comments are incredible — I routinely think about and quote from many of them, especially the concept of thinking about their diets in 48 hour periods vs. 24 hour ones.) I’m also happy to share that after a long and arduous road, our seven year old will at least try everything on her plate, and will usually eat what’s presented to her on a given night, and that our five year old is rapidly rounding the corner. I think it’s partly an age thing and partly a persistence thing.
+This breezy top reminds me of Doen. And while we’re talking Tuckernuck tops, our favorite striped top is now available in tons of colors including a great, versatile white.
+Looking for some inexpensive travel backpacks for the kids at the last minute. Their school ones are pretty big and dinged up – looking at this one. Love the patterns and fun shape. We also bought them these headphones to use on the plane. In doing research, we learned that many children’s headphones smartly cap out the volume so kids won’t hurt their hearing listening to things to loud, but that can mean that on airplanes, they can barely hear a thing since the cabins are so noisy. We got them these ones with active noise canceling so that they can listen at a safe volume but actually hear it on the plane.
+More travel gear here, and my dream travel wardrobe here.
+Just stocked up on some travel minis of my favorite beauty products, including this cleanser, which Mr. Magpie and I are both addicted to (we talk about it at least one night a week) and my favorite body oil. I ordered from Revolve because they have fast and free shipping and the code TULIP gets you 15% off, but you can also order an even wider range of Osea’s products in mini sizes from Osea itself, and MAGPIE10 gets you 10% off your order. I’m truly addicted to the body oil. I use it daily. Gives the BEST summer glow.
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Drop waist silhouettes are everywhere this summer. I love the ease of the $50 Mango dress seen above — I think this would be an ideal way to dip a toe into the trend without a huge commitment, and of course you could style her a million ways. Upgrade pick: in-the-know label Merlette’s Stijl dress. Less expensive: this Amazon.
01. La Ligne’s Romeo dress is trending. The color, the neckline all feel relevant and forward thinking. Similar vibe for under $300 here.
02. Doen’s Marianne dress has been popular among Magpie readers. I find Doen dresses consistently comfortable and compulsively wearable — easy to dress up or down. A Magpie reader wrote me about this look-for-less version at Bloomie’s, selling fast and currently on sale for under $100. She insisted the quality is similar to Doen (as a frequent Doen purchaser herself).
03. This colorblocked By Malene Birger is sophisticated. Looks like something Sofia Richie Grange would wear — love.
04. Boho chic Euro brand Ciao Lucia has been a herald of the trend for several seasons now. This feels Gen Z-approved, and this one has a polished finish. And I’ve seen this colorblocked dress on several chic peas recently, including the gorgeous Julia Berolzheimer.
I have been loving the boxer short trend styled with a button down and trendy sandals for the summer. Below are some of my favorites, a few button down options, and some ways to style —
03. One of my favorite brands for wardrobe basics, SoldOutNYC, just launched sets — and I have these cherry red boxers and matching shirt en route now.
04. These are $23 on Gap in three different colors! These are more for loungewear but I’d throw on over a swimsuit while this trend is on.
05. I love the classic navy stripe on these shorts from Anthropologie.
06. If you’re looking for a set that can be easily dressed up or down, these jeweled boxer shorts and matching button down from Anthropologie are for you!
07. No one does effortless I’m-just-off-to-the-farmer’s-market chic like Sezane. Their new collection features a pink striped boxer and matching button down.
08. These Alex Mill shorts are perfect for the poolside with their coordinating tops.
09. Donni has mastered stylish loungewear — love their blue striped pop boxer.
10. Alice Pilate paired these Musier Paris white boxers with a short sleeved creamy sweater on her Instagram. Obsessed!
My sister had her second baby a few weeks ago, and I have been visiting with my blurry memories of the newborn days as I watch her, from afar and with wonder, do her thing as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Which, of course, motherhood is and isn’t — it is natural and instinctual, but it is also learned through experience, you know? And in many ways I’m still making myself as a mother. Just earlier this year, I experienced a seismic shift in my own approach to daily parenting: more touch, more play. It’s changed how I interact with my children on a daily basis! Maybe we are always refashioning ourselves as mothers.
Anyhow, I was thinking about this and decided to republish one of my most-visited essays from the archives: a little letter to the new mamas. This is exactly what I would tell my sister, if she needed to hear it. Onward!
****
A Magpie reader messaged me the other day in a state of despair. “I’m a new mom, and I’m lost and so exhausted,” she wrote. “Does everyone else just ‘get’ it faster than I have?”
Who else reading this vulnerable query briefly flashed back to a similar moment in her own newborn fog? I remembered — instantly — the dull headache of exhaustion, the scampering around my bedroom between feedings in the too-bright light of morning to half-heartedly shove the pile-up of bottles and burp cloths and nursing pads and snack wrappers out of the way, the time micro was up every thirty minutes for hours on end one night and I was so wiped out, I kicked the bassinet in frustration (he was not in it) and then injured my toe. Fumbling with the nursing cover. Peering into the stroller terrified my baby might “lose it” while we were racing home for feeding time. Trying every tincture and tonic to increase my breast milk supply. Standing in the shower fully clothed in a desperate attempt to soothe my inconsolable child. Stomach-churningly using the rectal thermometer for the first time. Investigating rashes and abrasions. Pondering when to call in the pediatrician after 24 hours during which my baby spit up all of the hard-earned breastmilk I’d given him. Tears of tenderness, tears of fatigue, tears that represented the surfeit of emotions I was experiencing but that I would have been hard-pressed to pin on any one thing.
The early days are rough. The exhaustion is real. That note of self-doubt is inevitable.
But, mama, you are doing it, and you are doing a great job. Being lost and exhausted was, for me, part of the territory of new motherhood, and I think many other moms here feel similarly. So I don’t have any magic answers (though if there are specific concerns about sleeping/feeding in particular, the Magpie community always delivers with practical advice, and I encourage you to post them in the comments). And frankly I wouldn’t have wanted to hear a Pollyanna line back in those early days, and I would never want to diminish the valid way you feel at the moment. (I remember gritting my teeth when a well-intentioned acquaintance said: “Oh, the newborn days are just the best. Babies are so easy compared to toddlers! Soak it up!”) All I can say is this:
01. The newborn days are physically and emotionally challenging, but you are moving through them one step at a time in the best way you can and you are doing a great job. Underline those words. You are doing a great job.
02. Everything passes. You will not be in this sleepless moment forever.
03. If you can, be ambitious in asking for help. In retrospect, I wish I had paid to have a housekeeper come a couple times a week during those first few weeks. Having that off our plate would have lightened the load considerably (for both myself and Mr. Magpie), as it was the one “ball” I was always struggling to keep in the air but absolutely could not bear to drop. (If you live in a tiny Manhattan apartment, you know why — there is no space to dump junk or escape mess. You have to stay on top of putting things back! Also, I’m a total neat freak, and so is Mr. Magpie.) But “help” for a new mother can take many forms: it might be having a family member come by once or twice a week, or committing to meal delivery on certain days, or visiting parents for an extended period, or hiring a night nurse, or offering a caregiver extra money to help with laundry even though it’s not in her usual duties (or sending laundry out to a wash and fold!), or asking an older niece/nephew to serve as “mother’s helper” to assist with older children, or working out a nighttime schedule with your spouse where you can skip a feeding session by pumping earlier to get a head start on sleep. Importantly, it may also mean seeking help if you think you may be suffering from PPD. If you are anything like me, you are probably reading this with a million objections on your tongue: “but I don’t know where I’d find a mother’s helper” and “but I like to cook — it brings me joy” and “but I don’t want to bother my sister with this.” To all of that I say: try. See what happens. Nothing is permanent and if it’s not helpful or too awkward or too costly, you can always change tacks. I can’t tell you how often — still! — I think loosely of an idea, like the fact that we wanted to find a new nanny after months of quarantine without childcare, and I’m intimidated to the point of temporary paralysis by the prospect of all of the effort and logistics that will go into making it happen. For example, I bristled at the idea of having to interview candidates, concerned about whether I would have to meet them outside or take their temperature or have them present negative COVID test results, and how I would even facilitate the transition to a new nanny for my children. But don’t let those details get in the way. Trust yourself and the fact that you will figure out the details. The first step for me in these situations is saying something out loud to Mr. Magpie. He’s helpful in thinking through logistics, and the conversation holds me accountable to taking the next steps and makes me feel as though I’m not alone in the process. In short: if there’s a way to ask for a specific kind of help, try. I recently asked Magpies what they found most helpful when they had their babies, and they shared some fantastic responses that might give shape to something that you, too, can ask for.
04. Know that it’s normal to feel this way.
05. Know that you are not alone. I used to sit in my bed nursing my baby at 3:41 a.m. or 4:42 a.m. and think about the thousands of other moms doing the exact same thing at the exact same time–maybe there was even another mom in my building in the same posture of newborn nurture. Lean on the community of moms you have. I was lucky to have several other friends with similarly aged babies and we would text each other around the clock. If that’s not a possibility, leave a comment here, or find a forum online where you can vent or seek advice or simply lean into the notion of companionship. And if all else fails, just close your eyes and think about all those other moms across the world doing exactly what you’re doing and trust that you will make it.
I know there are so many wonderful moms (and many fellow new moms!) reading this who can relate to you and who likely have even better words of reassurance to offer. To those moms: would you share some words of encouragement for this Magpie Mom today? She needs us.
+I have been doing so much exercising and carpool in fitness / athleisure wear — I don’t even recognize myself, but nowadays, I get up and get straight into my workout or workout-lite clothes. I have been eyeing these Lulu shorts for more casual wear.
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I have a strange personal mantra that I’ve never disclosed to anyone before because I know how it sounds: wrong-footed, insouciant. Frankly, it runs against one of my core tenets for living: that everything is the most important thing, and that how you do anything is how you do everything.
But — I have my reasons. Hear me out:
Multiple times a week, I tell myself: “This won’t matter.” It could be when I’m ironing out convoluted logistics for the children, attempting to work through a problem with a customer service representative, running late. My site is down. I said the wrong thing. I forgot to call someone back. I missed the memo about free dress at school. Etc. I am so determined to be on-the-ball all the time that minor slippages like these can send me into a tailspin. I find that my stress operates on a binary scale: it’s on or off, with virtually no gradations between. Whether its source is trivial (“oops! forgot the cupcakes at home!”) or not-so-trivial (waiting on lab results), stress moves through my body the exact same way: I feel nauseous, and winded, and as though I’m vibrating out of my body.
So any time I feel my stress level skyrocketing over something ostensibly small, I tell myself: “This won’t matter.” It’s a lie, honestly, because these things do matter to me, and I always get them done, see them through, make the apology, feel badly. But! It’s like wrapping the angst inside a cushion, dampening its fury. I tell myself: this won’t matter because I know that in a few days, a week, a month, my present agony will be nearly forgotten. I remember when we were buying our house, I was colossally stressed out. I was convinced that something was going to go wrong. Moving (especially between states) is like threading a zig-zagging needle: a chain of related, high-stakes maneuvers that must happen just so, or the dominos fall, and in a big way. You might lose your earnest money payment! You might forfeit the moving truck you’d paid for in full! You might have to pay two rents at once! You might have to switch brokers, or start the search again, or change your parameters! In the midst of the move, I called my sister and she said: “Oh, Jen. I know. But trust me: you’ll get it done, and you’ll be sitting in your beautiful new home, and you’ll completely forget about all of this.” She was right, of course (I just had to google “earnest money” because I wasn’t sure I had the language down), but her saying it then was also a gift in and of itself. This won’t matter, she was saying. I’m giving you permission to de-classify this as an emergency.
The language (“this won’t matter”) is not quite right, or needs to be sharpened — but it’s pithy and quick and exactly what I have been telling myself every few days for years and years now. It takes the sting out of the bee, you know?
Related, this week, I came across the quote: “it’s not necessary to react to everything you notice.” It’s become a helpful antecedent to my “this won’t matter” mantra. Before I even let myself twist into a posture of stress, I try to remind myself: “I don’t need to react to this.” (Or, not yet.) Small examples abound: I notice a truck blocking me into my parking spot; we are running late to school; my appointment was canceled without any notification. Instead of flinging myself headfirst into frenetic problem-solving and catastrophizing (“if I can’t find the truck driver to move the truck, I’ll be late to my appointment, and I couldn’t get an appointment for months…!”), I am teaching myself to anodyze with: “I don’t need to react to this yet. This is data.” If things do in fact go sideways, I then lean on “this won’t matter” to resituate.
Curious if you have any similar mantras that help you through life’s minor stressors?
Also this week…
+Above: Mr. Magpie and I attended a “white party” where we wore (mostly) white! We had such a fun time getting dolled up and enjoying cocktails with our friends. It had been a minute since I’d gotten truly decked out for a special occasion, and I loved every minute of it. I had my hair blown out for the occasion (my favorite indulgence) by Glamsquad. (Reminder: $20 off for new users with code JenniferS and $15 off for repeat users with code JenniferS15.)
+Our first blue crabs of the season, in honor of Father’s Day! Mr. Magpie and his dad drive all the way out to Calvert County to get them from a place called Mel’s that sells crabs out of a truck in a liquor store parking lot — exactly as it should be.
+I made my first lattice-top pie for Father’s Day and it turned out so well, if I don’t say so myself. I used Stella Parks’ recipe. She writes great recipes, with just the right amount of precise detail.
+On their first day of summer break, we surprised the kids with new books and Lego sets. These 3-in-1 creator lego sets are just amazing — such a good price, but come with three different instruction sets to build three different (intricate!) designs with the same pieces. My son made all three back-to-back and then re-built the first one again. He also carried the pterodactyl design around everywhere this weekend (seen below). Mini did the same with her parrot!
+The best summer candle. It smells dreamy — like cut grass, water, sunshine, tomatoes? My home smells like The Hamptons! This would make a great gift, by the way. How gorgeous is the packaging?
+Top: new beauty/skincare I’ve been testing (my early review is that I’m extremely impressed with the Remedy dark spot treatment! I’ve had one spot on my left cheek that just won’t leave and it’s really lightened up after several applications of the Remedy), and bottom: new skincare I love. Dr. Diamond’s Metacine sent me their skincare duo a month ago and I was thrilled to try after hearing Courtney Grow rave about it. I’ve been using daily (a.m. and p.m.) for a month and am very impressed. It really helps with skin firmness. It is pricey. I have been able to replace all of my other serums / tinctures I used to use, though, with the exception of my vitamin c serum, which I still use on top. I mentioned this on Instagram and a reader asked how long I estimate the product will last. I checked and my bottle is still pretty full a month in (I tried to take a pic of its level below), so would estimate it lasts maybe 4-6 months? If you’re on the fence about both, I would personally recommend the plasma. I notice an immediate change in my skin after applying. Pores shrink and my skin feels tighter (not in a bad way — not like, itchy tight, more like sucked in?).
+It was a week of pre-birthday pampering. My mom and I visited the brand new Four Seasons Spa in Georgetown and I had a divine 90 minute hot stone massage. I am always surprised by how good it feels to have my forearms and feet massaged. Pre-massage, I anticipate relief in my back, but it’s those smaller, heavily used parts of my body that need it the most. I also was in heaven when the therapist worked on my legs. Running every other morning for over two months has left me ultra-sore. Earlier in the week, I had my hair cut and colored by Ismail at George Salon, also at the Four Seasons. He is the best. I went closer to my original brunette coloring than I’ve gone in years, and I love it!
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+On Wednesday, we took in the Alison Krauss/Robert Plant concert at Wolf Trap. They were incredible — both such talented vocalists — and Plant is a ham on stage. He is so fun to watch! We packed a delightful spread: charcuterie, anchovies with salsa verde on bread, a pasta dish with arugula, olives, and pecorino romano that’s meant to be served at room temp (Landon made the pasta from scratch — rolled it out and everything!), and absinthe-marinated melon topped with prosciutto. Our friends packed French 75s and wine. It was such a beautiful and happy night. Mr. Magpie has been saying “life is good” a lot lately as we move through our summer, and he looked over at me at Wolf Trap and said: “L.I.G.!” Our new acronym for the season. (Below: perfect picnicking cups from Match South, and my favorite picnic blanket from Weezie.)
+Picnic leftovers for lunch. Delicious.
+Bardelia sent us a sampler of their zero-proof offerings: non-alcoholic beer, spritzes, and sparkling jalapeno and blood orange drinks. I’m so glad to have these on hand to offer to guests who don’t drink, and to enjoy myself! The FIL had a few of the NA beers while enjoying crabs with us on Sunday! Bardelia offered us 15% off sitewide with code JENSHOOP15. They have such an interesting variety of mixers, zero-proof cocktails, N/A beers, etc. When I shared the photo below, a few Magpies asked about the coasters and I realized I haven’t mentioned them in awhile. These are from Proper Table, and their entire site is 25% off right now! The coasters are acrylic and wipe clean but come in the cutest / chicest patterns. They also make placemats — we use these daily. Great for messy everyday family life!
+The usual morning chaos. I know we’ll get into a rhythm with the camps and swim practices and all.the.things, but Monday caught me off guard! I had been relishing the “school is out!” feeling without thinking much about all the minute details that go into getting the kids off to a new camp, new routine, etc. I did go into this week knowing the kids might be out of snyc with themselves. I’ve noticed the past few years that my children tend to be out of sorts, whiney, clingy when we transition to and from the school year. They are creatures of habit, and their worlds are so narrow that these abrupt changes can shake the foundations! I was reminded of this after the first day of camp. We went straight to the pool for swim lessons, and my son — usually my cool cucumber — had an epic meltdown. It got to the point that another dad (whom I did not know) had to pick him up out of the water and hand him to me, dripping wet. Oh, it was a scene! But I knew, even as the clouds were forming, that this was all about the transition. Once I had wrangled him into my arms, he pressed his face into my neck and hugged me tightly. I knew he’d just needed reassurance. He’s just turned five! These changes loom large. Trying to go easy and give them (and myself) a lot of grace…
+Last but not least: below: signs you have a little boy at home. You must stop the dryer to remove the rocks that are clanging around the tub, having fallen out of his pockets. Our lives become mosaics of the people we love.
Onward!
By: Jen Shoop
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+ON BURNOUT AND BOUNDARIES: A fabulous, candid essay by Jess Nell Graves. I hung onto every word. I was reminded of Mary Oliver: “When I am among the trees, especially the willows and the honey locust, equally the beech, the oaks and the pines, they give off such hints of gladness. I would almost say that they save me, and daily. I am so distant from the hope of myself, in which I have goodness, and discernment, and never hurry through the world but walk slowly, and bow often.” I love the line “I am so distant from the hope of myself”: I love that feeling, the way you walk into nature and slowly shed all of the expectations and personas and projections you carry around with you.
+DREAMY SUMMER IN A PHOTO: I loved everything about this photo of Cecilie N. Hartmann and her babies. Wow! The classic swimsuit, the chunky baby legs, the vintage food cart. She’s wearing Konges Slojd suit. Similar here. And…do I need flip flops? I’ve started seeing these all over the place again lately. They remind me of the 90s, but not the part I liked…still, she just looks fabulous from head to toe!
+TRUE LOVE: I shed a tear watching this fisherman talk about how in love he remains with his deceased wife. I was reminded of the prompt I shared at some point this year: “If you knew you had one year to live, what would you do? How about one month? Finally, one day?” When you get down to the one-day level, people forget their hopes to see the Northern Lights, go sky-diving, and travel to Italy and simply want to be with their mothers, children, and significant others.
+PACKING FOR ASPEN: Did a big purchase of travel / destination activities for my kids. Several of you had great suggestions on traveling with children a few weeks back, the prevailing wisdom being not to overstuff their carry-ons with activities, as they tend to just want snacks and screens. I’ll keep hold of most of them for restaurants / afternoons while there. I stocked up on Usborne activity and sticker books as well as Lonely Planet brand ones. I think those are the best ones out there! More car / travel activities for kids here. I am still totally clueless about what I’ll pack, but am seriously tempted by these boots! (Also love in the bone color.) Lots more inspo for a Western-destination wardrobe here.
+STRAWBERRY MILK MAKEUP: Have you heard about this TikTok beauty trend, started by mega-influencer Addison Rae? I had no idea who she was (elder millennial over here), but I loved that her video was so…skin-positive? Like, breakouts are no biggie! She looked glowing and happy! Rae uses four Ilia products to achieve the sweetest summer flushed look: skin milk, skin tint, the multi-stick in poppy red, and mascara. I don’t love Ilia’s skin tint (I found it broke very easily and did not apply well on my skin — maybe a “my skin’s chemistry” thing, because I know many people love this product) but I might need to order the skin milk and the multi-stick in the poppy red hue she uses. I already own and love their mascara — great natural-but-better lash option for daytime. (If you’re placing an order there, you must try their liquid powder eye tint! I wear in the matte “cork” color daily. It looks like it might be dark on the lid if you have a similar (fair-medium) complexion, but it just evens out the eyelid and gives dimension to your eyes without looking like you’re wearing anything. It’s magical!
+EYEING + BUYING: At the top of my shopping radar this week…
+BESTSELLERS: We love a stripe. Top of the heap: this spectacular Veronica Beard dress and this Tuckernuck blouse! I own both of these! Will style the dress this week — she’s legitimately perfect for country club / slightly more conservative environments. Could be dressed up or down. I love her. Also wanted to mention that VB is running an extra 25% off sale with code FIREWORKS2024. Don’t miss my favorite blazer (orig $698, now under $375), this gingham waistcoat, and this chic knit dress.
R&R: I FORGOT TO TAKE A PIC ON, BUT AM OBSESSED WITH THESE NEGATIVE WHIPPED LOUNGE PANTS AND THIS WHIPPED BRALETTE — DREAMY…! I WOULD GO UP A SIZE IN THE PANTS; RUN A TAD SNUG IN THE WAIST
Trigger warning: This post touches on the topic of disordered eating.
This morning, I was running my regular route and realized I have been near-subconsciously mapping and anticipating its challenges. I found myself saying, “Only two ascents left, Jen — let’s go,” on the return, having divvied the route up into “flat roads,” “ascents” (mild inclines), “climbs” (steep inclines), and “recoveries” (downhills). I don’t know when I started to do this — I can’t recall using this language before this year — or how, exactly, I came by its parsing. But as I cruised down one of the steepest hills in my circuit, I was struck by the fact that I was “bucking up” for the ascents to come rather than appreciating the present, downhill recovery.
Sometimes I think it is harder to unlearn things than to learn them.
I consider myself proficient at fly-swatting when I see even a hint of the kind of thinking that used to support the disordered eating of my teens, when I would deprive my body and then “reward” myself with something pedestrian, like a roll with dinner, or a piece of pizza with friends. That version of myself feels so distant, I barely even recognize her, and yet — sometimes I find faint echoes of the same kind of self-discipline that undergirded my erstwhile unhealthy habits. Why was I fashioning my circuit into a pattern of “pain” and “recovery”? Why it that I was so focused on the ascents to come that I obfuscated the temporary pleasantness of running downhill, in shade, on one of my favorite stretches of the route?
This year, I stopped tracking my runs — no Garmin watch, no iPhone map. There was a time in my life where I was so intense about my pace and distance that if my watch was not charged or if it died halfway through a run, I’d talk myself out of running altogether or “scrap” it from my mental record: if it’s not logged, it doesn’t count. (“If a Jen runs through the woods and no technology is around to track it…”) I have been on a determined fitness kick in 2024, but I am doing it for feel, and by feel. I don’t care how fast or far I run. I have a loose sense for mileage because I’m often running the same routes I used to methodically track, and I generally know how fast I run (within a reasonable window), but I am done with celebrating or chastising myself based on stats. I have optimization fatigue. I don’t need to run 1% better than I did yesterday — I just want to get out there, feel my feet pounding the pavement, and move my body. I told a friend recently this switch initially “ran against my religion” but that I’ve been deeply happy with how it feels to exercise without the numbers. I turn 40 next week, and I am working out for the mental health benefits, to keep my heart healthy, and to feel strong and capable as I head toward middle age. “Giving up the numbers” brings me closer to those values and further from the occasionally unhealthy “discipline” of my younger years. And it just feels better, gentler, to run on the binary. (Did I run, or did I not?)
It is all a balance, of course. Sometimes we “keep our eyes on the prize” to motivate, to persist through challenging stretches. And despite my lifelong commitment to it, I don’t love the experience of running — it is hard, and most of the time, I feel like stopping and sitting down. Sometimes I need to do mental gymnastics (during steep inclines, I’ll count to ten over and over again or identify a mid-way mark like a tree branch or a driveway as an anchoring milestone) or seek outside encouragement (music! new clothes!) to get myself through. Charting my most-common route by its ascents falls into a similar category: a way of marking my progress, and easing myself through the tougher bits.
But will my busy mind ever quiet? Can’t I just run and accommodate the inclines and dips as they surface? Why am I forever the very busy spider?
In some ways, I love this about myself, and don’t want to change. I look closely at life’s interruptions and routines, and find they invariably become creative grist. Sometimes this means seeking asterisms among life’s unlikelihoods, and writing about it. Other times, this means reflexively reconnoitering my running route. It is all of a cloth.
But in other ways, I would like to unhook myself from the instinct to categorize and parse. I want to stand still and open in the middle. Accept the climbs, languish in the rests. I don’t want my mind to be skittering off like stones across water all the time. Right now, I crave a deep, cold plunge into the present.
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+Julia Amory just released her toiletry kits in new colors. These are a must-have — I use them any time I travel. The best sizes and I love that you can toss them in the wash when dirty (just air-dry inside out).
+People are raving about this inexpensive drugstore shampoo/conditioner. Apparently Cameron Wimberley (of great hair, and “Southern Charm,” fame) swears by it. I might buy it for my daughter and test it on myself, too…
+For my corporate Magpies: these flats are a polished way to jump in on the netting/mesh footwear trend. For non-corporate applications: I keep coming back to these. (More sizes/colors here and here, but nearly sold out everywhere.) I think I’m going to order. (Upgrade pick: Loro Piana, here and here.)
+I keep thinking about pairing netting flats (like the ones above) with a full white skirt like this.
+A gorgeous white dress that’s business in the front and party in the back. I wish I had this in my closet right now because I’m going to an outdoor concert this evening and it is going to be HOT. That open back!
+I wear a pendant with the constellation for “Cancer” (my Zodiac sign) on it frequently — this one is similar and currently on sale for under $100. A really cute birthday gift or gift to self.
+A seriously fun bag for under $40. I’d remove the gold chain – I think that part looks cheap. But the bag as a clutch is a 10/10!
+Another great gingham dress for summer. Love love love.
Heads up that now through June 23rd, new customers earn 20% off their Shopbop orders with SHOPMY20.
01. I’m convinced everyone needs a striped tank (seen above) for summer. Pair with white shorts or jeans (as I did above!) and an oversized straw tote for everyday polish. This La Ligne rings in at under $100, and this similar Splendid (in my closet) is currently on sale for $40!
02. A timeless pair of white jeans. I had never tried Levis 501s and was, frankly, blown away. The fit is insanely good and yet somehow looks like it’s not “trying too hard”? Easy, understated cool. One of those pieces you put on and think: who is this woman?! I like her! I am 5’0 and you can see the length on me below. I may hem them by 1/2″ or so, but also might not? They really make your butt look good!
03. Crochet has been trending. I like the idea of these layered over your favorite one-piece, or paired with a simple white tee and a big leather handbag.
04. Black sandals were a big hole in my wardrobe until last summer. I’ve been surprised by how versatile they are – I like to pair with all-white looks when I’m feeling uninspired (white jeans, white tee, black shades, black sandals.). These are fabulous and will look equally polished with jeans and dresses.
05. The sealife-inspired jewelry trend continues. These are fantastic because they’re wearable for everyday but could also work with a cocktail dress.
06. Sophisticated white linen shorts. I recently saw a street style starlet wearing these with a blank tank and flip flops — she looked like a million bucks.
07. I love Clare Vivier’s quirky ballcaps. Throw on with a white tee and jeans/shorts for a model off duty moment.
08. A few great tops for dinners out, all under $115: this blue patterned one and this romantic bustier one.
09. I’ve seen so many iterations on raffia circle bags this season — this one will only set you back $55 but jumps firmly onto the bandwagon.
