A note first — the photos of the wildfires in the California and the dispatches from those who live there or who have loved ones who do are devastating. My friend Alex Steele wrote about the experience of living close by but safe and added: “If you’re a praying person, please join me in asking your Higher Power to stay the wind, comfort the mourning, and protect the protectors,” and I’ll do just that. If you are a Magpie impacted by these fires, I am holding a space for you today.
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The other week, I took my son to Starbucks while my daughter was at her guitar lesson. We bought two hot chocolates, one for him and one for his sister, and then he insisted on waiting the entirety of the lesson so he could drink his while she was drinking hers. (Little brothers! Emory is his everything. He would cross coals for her.) Just as he went to take his first precious and now ice-cold sip, he dropped the cup and spilled it everywhere. Enormous crocodile tears spilled down his cheeks. He’d waited so patiently, and now this — ! I decided I had to go back to Starbucks to get him another. We re-entered Starbucks just at the moment in which about 4000 girls from a nearby school flooded into the shop alongside us. Suddenly, we were at the end of a long queue of teens ordering complex, enormous pink drinks and heated food orders one at a time, with only two frenzied and surly baristas to address the onslaught. We waited twenty minutes in line, and with every passing moment, my son became wigglier and wigglier. (If you have a boy around five that has been told to wait in a slow-moving line, you can imagine — he was knocking displays over with his unzipped coat, dragging his body on the floor, complaining, etc.) A well-dressed, older gentleman was directly in front of us, and I kept intercepting my son millimeters before he’d be jostled by my son’s squirms. I found myself hyper-aware of how annoying we must have been for this man waiting in line for his afternoon coffee: we were loud, I was constantly asking my son to move closer to me, or move out of the way, or be careful, I’m sure my son bumped into the man more than once, and I was chirpily trying to engage my bored son in conversation. After about fifteen minutes of this, the older man turned toward us. I found myself steeling for a complaint, or a “would you mind…?” Instead, he said: “I have two boys, but they’re now 30 and 32. I miss this age. It’s a great age. All that wonderful energy and curiosity.” And then he proceeded to play a version of hide and seek with my son, where my son would hide behind me, peeking around, and the man would give him a sly side-eye, and my son would dissolve into laughter. When he finally made it to the till, the man bought my children packages of madeleine cookies (“is this OK, mom?”) and praised them for their patience before saying, “You’re doing great, mom.”
I could have wept! The unexpected compliment, the fact that he saw that I was white-knuckling my way through the line and eased me out of it, his sweet way of making space for my children just as they are, at their current ages, his reminder that our kids are only ever this young today.
I was drawn back to something a gentleman said to me years ago when I’d just moved to New York City. The move was a botched mess: our real estate agent had made an enormous mistake in communicating timelines with us, and we’d arrived in NYC before the board of our new building had technically approved our move-in date, so we were, for a time, homeless in a new city. We had to re-route all of our possessions underway from Chicago to New York to a temporary storage unit in God-knows-where (which felt eerily similar to lighting money on fire) and scramble to find a hotel that could accommodate a large dog — not easy in Manhattan. I also had an eight month old who was still breastfeeding and not sleeping through the night, and my husband was starting a brand new job. Poor Landon. Can you imagine going to your first day of work while living out of a tiny hotel room after moving across the country, with in an uncertain housing situation and a very sleep-deprived wife? I was not a good version of myself. One morning, I strapped my daughter to myself in a carrier and went to take our 65-lb Airedale Terrier, Tilly, out for a walk in the cold. I
I took the photos in this post to capture the moment, which was…trying. Tilly was — shall we say — energized. I mean, the poor dog had been cooped up in a hotel room after a long cross-country drive — and she hated the car, would sit broodily upright in the seat as though so annoyed with us she refused to make herself comfortable — and NYC is basically a king’s ransom for a dog bred to be a ratter. (I once read you are never more than a few feet from a rat anytime you are in Manhattan. Or maybe that’s a cockroach. Probably both.) So you can imagine that I was struggling to keep Tilly in check while also concerned about being pulled into a street while wearing my baby. As I strained to make my way out the door, a man held it open for me, and said: “Let me get that for you. You have your hands and heart full, don’t you?” I’m sure every mother has been unhelpfully told, “You have your hands full!” but the twist he added at the end made me feel so seen, and reassured, and reminded of my own blessings. It completely changed my outlook that day.
What a gift, to have crossed paths with these strangers who turned out to be angels just at the moment I needed encouragement. I am thinking right now of a quote from Vonnegut:
“What made being alive almost worthwhile for me, besides music, was all the saints I met, who could be anywhere. By saints I meant people who behaved decently in a strikingly indecent society.”
I’m curious if you have any great stories of kindness at the hands of strangers? Please share below; let’s create our own canon of everyday saints.
Post-Scripts.
+These are the good ol days; let me hold them while I may.
+My Missa Cantata, or benedictions.
Shopping Break.
The following content may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+Fun tweedy moment for $129 — love the unexpected, oversized cuffs! Gives it just a touch of edge/modernity.
+Veronica Beard’s sale section is incredible. You must consider their wear-forever blazers for only $209 (this, this), this “bib”-style button down, and their gorgeous preppy summer dresses for only $149 apiece. I own both this and this and they are SO flattering and classic and elegant on. I often get questions on sizing. I’m a true 0 and I usually go down to a 00 in most of their blazers and dresses. The dresses are occasionally a snug fit in the 00 so I find if it looks super narrow, I’ll go with my true size. I take my true size and sometimes a size up in the jeans/pants — I find those run much more narrow/slim.
+A great product for when you’re in between manicures / don’t have time for a manicure. Impossible to screw up but just make your nails look finished/clean.
+A gorgeous special occasion dress.
+My current favorite mug for morning coffee. Clean, simple, unassuming.
+Toteme is running a sale that includes their spectacular riding boots at 50% off! Also love this oversized shawl in the camel-on-camel.
+My favorite organization tools: these bins, which are in every cabinet and closet in my home (the large is somehow the perfect size for everything – pantry, laundry room, beauty, gloves, etc), and these shallow trays which are in every drawer and medicine cabinet. I just bought this hat organizer for my closet as a solution — previously, had been jamming my ballcaps into a bag and kept forgetting about the ones at the bottom!
+OK, changed my mind on this Tula eye balm stick. I’ve always loved the application style (so easy — I know it’s not, like, taxing to dip your finger into a pod of eye cream, but this just feels effortless?) but at first felt like it didn’t slick on easily enough / wasn’t hydrating enough. I now think I just had to get through the top layer and now it glides so beautifully and I LOVE IT. Great for the winter — heavy hydration. Strongly rec.
+A Magpie reader wrote to share she’d just gotten a new job, and asked what she should treat herself to! I suggested a fabulous work bag big enough for a laptop. I love this Bottega and this Metier. Quince has an incredible look for less for the Metier for $149 (versus $2,450). Finally, this chic Toteme tote is under $500 here!
+Reminder that this collagen-generating skin gadget is still 20% off, but only for a few more days. I think collagen is the through-line between a lot of the wrinkle-reducing products I’m testing.
+Loving my Inuikii boots during this cold, snowy week! You can get the look for less with these from H&M, and Saks has a few styles in very limited sizing on super sale here.
+The holidays were so indulgent, and then we were flying by the seat of our pants this entire week since our kids were unexpectedly out of school for 3/5 days this week thanks to snow, so I scheduled Sakara to be delivered for three breakfasts/lunches next week. I could use the reset (and the lack of decision making around what to eat). Try code JENSHOOP – I think it still gets you 20% off. They also have a new detox option if you’re into those kinds of things and wanting to do a full reset.
+Up to 40% off at Emme Parsons. IMO, these are the chicest, most elegant sandals — the peak of quiet luxury.
+A new release from InnBeauty! Designed to treat redness in skin. I’ve also heard rave reviews of this Tower28 spray if redness is an issue for you.
+After I mentioned this $28 vitamin c product, so many of you wrote to say it’s among your secret “beauty heroes.” It really is a great value for a fantastic product – I think it’s just as effective as products multiple times its price.
I love these stories and I love that quote. Thank you for sharing!
The quote really gets me every time!
On a roll with my comments, haha…
Some months ago I bought that other coffee mug you recommended from Intelligentsia and I have to tell you, it has been a fantastic upgrade to my morning routine! It’s evident how much thought went into the design of this mug. I am almost evangelical about it now. I keep wanting to invite friends over for coffee or tea just so they can try this mug! I did see that another website, Espresso Parts, sells a very similar looking one but the brand is NotNeutral (style name is “Lino”). I tried this one as well as I wanted to have a 12 oz version for lattes, and the design looks identical to Intelligentsia (except for the red stripe), costs slightly less + free shipping. I gifted one to my coffee-loving (Colombian, and very particular about coffee) uncle and he loves it as well. It’s amazing how design of everyday things makes such an impact on the overall experience.
Oooo yay! We love those mugs too. They are really so thoughtfully designed! I find them easier to hold with one hand than the Year and a Day one because the top of the handle is flat, you know? You’re making me realize how much I love those mugs too!
xx
On a different note, I will forever be thankful to you for introducing me to Veronica Beard. Her pieces are truly special and add so much polish to a simple outfit. Once I wore black ponte pants, a black turtleneck, and added the VB black and white striped longline blazer over it and felt like a more elegant version of myself! Along with the striped one I have the navy one you recommended as well and they are 2 of my favorite things in my closet.
Yes!!! I completely agree. I always feel like a million bucks with one of my VB blazers or vests on!!
xx
Stories like these make me tear up and restore my faith in humanity.
I had something similar happen when my daughter was around 4, we were walking around town and was having a meltdown over something I can no longer recall. I took her to a quieter side street and just held her. An older woman walked by and told me, “you’re a great mom.” I thought I’d have my own adult meltdown (in a good way!) right there!
My daughter also had the kindest pediatrician (who sadly moved out of state). When she was around 3, it was the height of her sensory processing issues and doctor’s visits were simply torture for her (and me). On one appointment, I asked my husband to tag-team with me so that he could take my daughter outside the room/building after the physical exam and I could continue talking to her pediatrician more openly about my daughter’s issues. I took my daughter out to my husband, hurried back to the exam room to continue talking to the pediatrician, and just burst out in sobs — not realizing how much I was holding in. She patiently waited for me and showed so much compassion not just in her words but also in her demeanor, as though she didn’t have to see any other patients. Later that day, she sent me an email that started with: “I wish I could give you a hug.” For her to take the time to do that meant so much to me, at a time when I felt so alone.
Oh I love these so much — wow. That pediatrician sounds like a gem. To have someone like that looking after your child, and YOU, is such a gift. This is making me want to be more liberal with telling women they’re doing a good job — I often think it but don’t say it often enough.
xx
The first time I flew solo with my daughter, I was weighed down with so much gear. I had my luggage and my purse, I had baby in a carrier on my chest, and I had a huge car seat in a carrier on my back. I was waiting in the security check line behind this older man who looked a little grumpy. I hate asking for help anyway, but he definitely didn’t look like someone who’d be willing. So I stood back a little until there was room for me to start unloading my things onto the conveyor belt. As soon as he was done, he wordlessly turned towards me, grabbed my bags and put them on the belt, then took the car seat, unpacked it from the carrier and put it through the scanner. On the other side, he unloaded all my gear for me, put the seat back in the carrier and then waved me off as I was profusely thanking him. He was so low key and matter of fact about it all, which only amplified his immense kindness.
Also— Angeleno here. These stories have warmed my during what’s been otherwise a hellish and devastating week. Thanks for soliciting them, and thank you to all who’ve shared!
Iris! Sending you so much love. I was so glad to hear from you here and via email. We are all thinking of you. Please keep us posted with anything we can do.
The act of kindness — so moving! It’s interesting how there are many of us who have been with young children and have been completely overwhelmed by the knowing generosity of a stranger who has “been there before.” So beautiful. Parents looking out for parents!
I have so many kindness stories to choose from, but there is one that was the most unexpected. Years ago, I was flying home with my almost two year old son and I knew he would be frequently accidentally bumping the seat ahead of us and fussing during the flight. I decided to apologize ahead of time and try to figure out a seat switching situation so I tapped the passenger seated in front of us on his shoulder. A very big, older man immediately stood up with a neutral expression on his face and I started to say “I’m traveling with my almost two year old son and ..” he suddenly broke into my little speech, gave us this huge smile and said “how can I help?”
This is so sweet. And I love his question / phrasing: “How can I help?” So incredibly inviting and generous. Would have made me feel like we were on the same team.
xx
My car broke down on a roundabout for some major roads in a terrible part of town. I called a friend who was going to take more than an hour to arrive (no roadside assistance cover). I had so much abuse screamed at me from passing cars and as it got toward dark I was more worried. I was about 19.
A man in a van pulled over. Turned out to be an electrician and was able to sort a temp solution to get the car working. I was so grateful and he didn’t want anything in return.
I’m disabled and sometimes collapse in public or need assistance and while some people are thoughtless, there are a lot of lovely people who help without making a big deal of it.
Both of these notes are so lovely – thank you for sharing. Lots of good Samaritans!
I was at the farmer’s market with my two daughters and one of my daughters threw up without any warning in our wagon while I was buying produce. My other daughter panicked and took off, hiding about half a block away and tucked in a doorway. I was trying to help my sick daughter and worried about my elder daughter (still only 5 or 6 at the time) and trying to figure out how to clean up our mess. A fellow mom observed the whole scene, kindly brought me a plastic bag and a bunch of wipes, and then tried to cajole my other child out of the doorway. Her kindness (especially in the midst of our literal mess) still makes me tear up to this day.
So beautiful – thank you for adding this story to the mix. I feel like I need to pay all of this goo energy forward!
I remember one instance as a teenage where a guy at a pizza shop saw me with car issues said he was a mechanic told me to open the hood and fixed the problem. I looked up to thank him. Till this day I still say this man was a guardian angel and have no idea where he was or where he went after that
OMG!! Wow!
I once saw a young woman with a bandaged ankle slowly but steadily navigating her way up the subway stairs on crutches. A man that was passing by smiled at her and just said “you’re doing a great job.” It was clear there was nothing anyone could do to assist her- this was a one-person task, she just needed time and space to execute it- but I loved that this guy felt compelled to bolster her spirits as she did so.
That is so incredibly sweet. I actually think about this moment where I saw a young mom incredibly flustered while trying to feed her screaming baby on a park bench in NYC. I knew exactly how she felt — she was messing with her nursing cover, she was panicked. The baby was probably two weeks old! I still think back and wish I’d just said, “You’re doing a great job.” At the time, I didn’t want to intrude or make her feel like she was drawing attention to herself, but I would have REALLY absorbed that feedback / craved the encouragement and still wish I’d done it. Bravo to that guy for speaking up!
xx
When my son was very young, I used to have to run errands with him tucked in an Ergobaby. One day I was trying to load my car at Costco while the wind whipped around me, hanging on to the cart so it wouldn’t roll with my son still tucked against my chest. An older woman, whose own kids were probably grown, stopped, told me what a great job I was doing and offered to return my cart for me. I had that happen two other times with different but similarily-aged women in the same place. That was probably 8 years ago and it’s stuck with me because of how grateful I was in the moment and still am for women who watch out for other women.
This is so beautiful and a good nudge to look around the parking lot next time I’m rushing to/from the grocery store!!
xx
Love the twist on adding your heart full and am making a mental note to say that if I see a young Mom. When my now 24-year-old triplet boys were babies, I heard that all the time. In fact. our Nanny and I used to joke about how many times we would hear it when we ventured out with them. I’ll never forgot the time I was in a grocery store and asked where the newborn diapers were located. A woman overheard me and asked if I was the one that had a newborn. When I explained that I had 3, she gushed and said I looked fantastic. It brought tears to my eyes because I had been in the hospital for 6 weeks (not allowed to sit up or get out of bed for any reason) and was a sleep-deprived, scared, post-partum new Mom of preemies and the last think I felt was pretty. The Vonnegut quote resonates with me!
Wow – I would have melted on the spot, too. To receive that kind of unexpected kindness and encouragement when you need it most…! Beautiful.
xx
I do have a recent story. I was not the recipient of this most kind gesture, but my daughter was. As she is a recent college grad and in her first apartment, her driver’s license still has her address as her childhood home. My daughter lives in a city approximately one hour away from us. One recent Saturday morning, my daughter informed me that she was going to the gym and then the grocery store by her apartment. A few hours later, a man rang our doorbell. He did not speak English. He greeted my husband and handed him a wallet with few words and no explanation. As soon as he gave it to him, he quickly retreated back to his car and quickly pulled out of the driveway. My husband opened the wallet and saw my daughter’s driver’s license. We immediately FaceTimed her. She hadn’t even realized her wallet was misplaced! She had left it somewhere between the gym and the grocery store and had not even realized it. This kind man drove approximately ONE HOUR to return it to its owner. We were astounded and grateful. My husband’s regret is that he did not have the reaction to immediately ask this man for his name or give him some type of reward. He left so quickly and without remark.
There are angels everywhere.
Oh my gosh! Such a beautiful story!!
xx