*Image via Asia Typek.

Q: Nursing-friendly tops — prefer budget friendly because my size fluctuates.

A: I would suggest nursing tanks beneath button-downs like this, this, and this, which you can order in a size up for a boxy look no matter what size you are at the time. ASOS and H&M also occasionally have gems — love this nursing friendly $24 sweatshirt and how clever is this nursing-friendly striped tee dress? (Pair with fun statement sneaks!)

P.S. Almost all of the dresses here are nursing-friendly!

Q: Not a shopping question, but what was your last order from Amazon?

A: Ha! Almay oil-free makeup removing pads (still my absolute favorite — the perfect size and moistness for taking off mascara), a set of Bob starting to read books (so many of you have recommended this series for emergent readers over the past many years!), and this phonics workbook. Mini has been working diligently on her writing and reading skills and I am trying to support her in that!

Currently in my cart awaiting decision: a new hair clip (in white!), these Jenni Kayne-esque sweater pants (trying to decide whether to splurge on The Real Deal for fall), a travel Magnadoodle (already stockpiling more travel activities for another road trip), and these running shorts (pro tip: size up, apparently).

Q: August black tie wedding guest dress — under $350?!

A: Fun! I like this saucy Significant Other, this Jay Godfrey, and this Reformation.

P.S. More special occasion dresses for summer here.

Q: A coffee table that’s preppy but less beachy and more RL home.

A: I like the clean lines and stain of this one from S&L, but this raffia-wrapped one would work beautifully in nearly any room, and the herringbone on this as well as the nailheads on this remind me of RL.

Q: A classy but not too stuffy everyday dress.

A: This J. McLaughlin. I would wear with the collar up and classic leather sandals like these or these. I also love Daphne Wilde’s tiered shirt dress.

Q: Two year old girl gifts.

A: Happy birthday to her! Bigger ticket items: Micro scooter, Maileg house, Teamson Kids play kitchen, and Tonies box. We have and love all of these items! Smaller items (all under $100): Maileg mice, dress-up set, dress-up shoes, Ooly paint sticks, Duplos, Scribble Scrubbies, Calico Critters, ThinkTouchLearn ABC Book (both of my kids LOVE this book), Fisher Price Little People House.

P.S. Children’s toys that aren’t hideous.

Q: First date looks — I’m 30.

A: My first thought was — “anything by La Ligne”! That brand gives off sophisticated-but-sexy-and-doesn’t-take-herself-too-seriously vibes. Love this dress and this dress in particular. Both of these also feel like “things I just had in my closet,” not trying too hard or being too dressy or anything. A few other pieces I like that feel “easy-chic-sophisticated-sexy”:

THIS RAILS (ON SALE IN SELECT SIZES HERE)

DOEN’S ROMANTIC SIENA DRESS

THIS SHIRRED BLACK TANK WITH YOUR FAVORITE JEANS

THIS ULLA JOHNSON

THIS CULT GAIA (LOVE THE SIDE TIES)

THIS SWEET MILLE

THIS SMOCKED FLORAL

THIS CROCHET STYLE FROM SEZANE

THIS FLOATY STYLE FROM THE GREAT

Q: Classic black dress, a step up from casual — budget around $150.

A: Oo, good question. Theory has some sophisticated ones worth considering — this one is $177 but just so sleek. People absolutely LOVE this $168 Anthro dress, though that one is a bit on the trendier side. This timeless RL is a forever piece, and I love this linen variation from BR. If you’re looking for something fitted along the lines of the dress at the top of this post, check out Marine Layer, Enza Costa, Monrow, and Vince.

Q: October wedding, bridesmaid, pick your own green dress!

A: I like this La Ligne, this olive green draped satin dress, this Evarae, this pleated Zimmermann, this Cinq a Sept, this Reformation. Have a great time!

Q: Dressy casual summer sandals.

A: Splurge: I’m lusting after a pair of YSL’s Nu Pieds in the brown or black. Less expensive: this strappy A. Emery pair, Tkees Gemma in black, this pair from J. Crew, Staud Pippa sandals, LR bow sandals, this leather cutout pair from French Sole that almost all my friends own, and Tory Burch’s rope pair.

Good morning to us! Lake Pajamas just launched a fabulous surprise sale, with pajamas, robes, loungewear, and dresses up to 40% off. Lake generously sent me a few styles in advance of this sale, and I was so excited to finally get my hands on one of their popular patio dresses. This is perfect for throwing on over a swimsuit or putzing around the house on a Saturday morning. I love the shape and scalloped trim. I also picked up one of their smocked pima pajama sets — obsessed with the delicate colors and drape.

If you are new (or newish) to Lake, I wanted to mention that my long-time favorite pair of pajamas is their long-short weekend set — I own several pairs and they are hands-down my favorite style.

This is a great opportunity to buy ahead for Christmas gifts — I know it’s a long way away, but these are my favorite things to give to girlfriends, sisters, moms. I have given both my beloved weekend sets and these more traditional pajama styles to countless friends and family members. If you are in doubt on sizing, a robe is also a beautiful gift option and I feel like you can round up a size without offending / running too much risk of something not fitting. I have also given a few new and expecting mom friends their maternity sets, which I also loved while pregnant and breastfeeding.

Re: sizing. I take an XXS in most of their pieces as I find they run generously (I am usually an XS). However, in the long-short set mentioned above, I prefer to take an XS because I run them through the dryer (they recommend hang drying or laying flat) and they do shrink a bit, and I like having the extra length/roominess. For other styles, like the tank styles, I take an XXS because the tops are way too baggy otherwise, even after running through the dryer.

This go around, I am hoping to take advantage of this sale by buying some of their children’s pajamas, which always seem to sell out first!

P.S. More adorable pajamas for littles.

P.P.S. My favorite bedtime stories.

P.P.P.S. What is the first thing you do every morning?

OK, gauntlet thrown. A high-stakes prompt this morning: what are the best books you’ve read in the past five years?

I’ve written a lot about all of the books below on Magpie, but I thought I’d share them in digest form here in case you’re looking for something gorgeous, or provocative, or escapist — there are, after all, countless reasons to read. Any and all of these books would make excellent book club picks, and I consider them essential to my personal, modern canon.

best books of past five years

Circe by Madeline Miller. “A bold and subversive retelling of the goddess’s story,” this #1 New York Times bestseller is “both epic and intimate in its scope, recasting the most infamous female figure from the Odyssey as a hero in her own right.” Of all of the books I’ve read over the past decade, this stands out as the most meaningful, the most powerfully-written to me. I have recommended it to countless people of all different ages and walks of life, and have received almost universal rave reviews. The first line alone sends shivers down my spine. The writing is spring-loaded, imagistic, moving nimbly but containing magnitudes. I love the re-centering of an age-old hero narrative around the woman’s perspective: a myth turned on its head. There are many inversions and disruptions to the traditional hero’s story here: Circe is banished and bound to an island, and therefore not beholden (or invited) to the conventional plot of hero-leaves-home-to-save-the-world or hero-returns-home-having-saved-the-world. Full review here.

Upstream by Mary Oliver. “A collection of essays in which revered poet Mary Oliver reflects on her willingness, as a young child and as an adult, to lose herself within the beauty and mysteries of both the natural world and the world of literature.” I continue to return to this quiet, observant book of naturalistic essays, whose ethos is, more or less, “to live care-ingly.” In these essays, Oliver presents her ethical will and legacy, and sets a high standard for all who tune in to it.

In Other Words by Jhumpa Lahiri. “An autobiographical work written in Italian, [this book] investigates the process of learning to express oneself in another language, and describes the journey of a writer seeking a new voice. Presented in a dual-language format, this is a wholly original book about exile, linguistic and otherwise, written with an intensity and clarity not seen since Vladimir Nabokov: a startling act of self-reflection and a provocative exploration of belonging and reinvention.” This book is richly meta, operating simultaneously on multiple different planes that prompt deep thought about self-expression, the limits of language, representation in words, representation in culture, translation and loss, cultural identity, and more. The text itself is written in simple, approachable prose (interestingly, though she is fluent in English, she wrote this entirely in Italian and then had a translator translate it back) but there is a lot of meat on the bone. Still waters run very deep. You will want to unpack this with an intelligent girlfriend over a few cocktails.

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney. “Frances is a coolheaded and darkly observant young woman, vaguely pursuing a career in writing while studying in Dublin. Her best friend is the beautiful and endlessly self-possessed Bobbi. At a local poetry performance one night, they meet a well-known photographer, and as the girls are then gradually drawn into her world, Frances is reluctantly impressed by the older woman’s sophisticated home and handsome husband, Nick. But however amusing Frances and Nick’s flirtation seems at first, it begins to give way to a strange—and then painful—intimacy.” My sister and I have an ongoing debate about whether or not this is “high lit” — an irrelevant volley for so many reasons, but meaningful solely within the context of our literary companionship with one another. She thinks Rooney is entertaining, fresh; I think she’s accomplished something profound in representing modern relationships and communication in a meaningful, truthful text. So many contemporary novels either pretend technology (e.g., texting, cell phones, emails) doesn’t exist or represent it in a cloying way. In Rooney, everything works. Her knack for the cinematic is exceptional, and partly explains why two of her books have been translated into TV series. Beyond that — wow! — the books are steamy without feeling gratuitous. She has a way of representing the dynamics between characters with the slenderest of physical details. Powerful, observant writing. Absolutely un-put-down-able.

The Dutch House by Ann Patchett. “Set over the course of five decades, The Dutch House is a dark fairy tale about two smart people who cannot overcome their past. Despite every outward sign of success, Danny and Maeve are only truly comfortable when they’re together. Throughout their lives they return to the well-worn story of what they’ve lost with humor and rage. But when at last they’re forced to confront the people who left them behind, the relationship between an indulged brother and his ever-protective sister is finally tested.” My love affair with Ann Patchett’s writing is well-documented on Magpie, but it all boils down to this: no one does character portraiture like Patchett. Her characters are spectacularly round, and we develop keen affection and deep understanding for them. I love Patchett’s singular, distinctive voice: observant, smooth, and polished, like fine silver. This was one of the few books I’ve ever read in my life where I actively protested and drew out the finish — I did not want it to end. Full review here.

Red at the Bone by Jacqueline Woodson. “Unfurling the history of Melody’s family – reaching back to the Tulsa race massacre in 1921 — to show how they all arrived at this moment, Woodson considers not just their ambitions and successes but also the costs, the tolls they’ve paid for striving to overcome expectations and escape the pull of history. As it explores sexual desire and identity, ambition, gentrification, education, class and status, and the life-altering facts of parenthood, Red at the Bone most strikingly looks at the ways in which young people must so often make long-lasting decisions about their lives.” I was gobsmacked by the poetry and sprawl of this book. I described it elsewhere as follows: “The prose runs both tactile and evocative, similar in a sense to Seamus Heaney’s poetry, which somehow communicates both earthiness, muck, physicality as well as the ineffable emotions that surge through us–often simultaneously. Both writers are in this sense worldly and other-worldly: they attend to the realities (sensorial and otherwise) of living in this world while also grappling with Big, Profound Things — in Woodson’s case, the meaning of family and motherhood in particular, the conditions of belonging to others while we are alive, even the nature of death.” A resonant, poetic piece of writing — gorgeous.

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett. “The Vignes twin sisters will always be identical. But after growing up together in a small, southern black community and running away at age sixteen, it’s not just the shape of their daily lives that is different as adults, it’s everything: their families, their communities, their racial identities. Many years later, one sister lives with her black daughter in the same southern town she once tried to escape. The other secretly passes for white, and her white husband knows nothing of her past. Still, even separated by so many miles and just as many lies, the fates of the twins remain intertwined. What will happen to the next generation, when their own daughters’ storylines intersect?” A beautifully-told story of sisterhood, family, identity, injustice, this book hinges on doubles in fascinating narrative ways. Fans of The Gothic as a mode of writing will find these motifs, and the use of space and geography more generally, fascinating. (This is not a Gothic novel, but there are elements of the narrative design that pulled on a lot of its conventions.) I think often about the scenes in this book, and can almost feel the arrangement of people within a given room or space while doing so. The imagery, the visuals last, indicating the precision of her prose. Full review here.

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. “A luminous portrait of a marriage, a shattering evocation of a family ravaged by grief and loss, and a tender and unforgettable re-imagining of a boy whose life has been all but forgotten, and whose name was given to one of the most celebrated plays of all time, Hamnet is mesmerizing, seductive, impossible to put down—a magnificent leap forward from one of our most gifted novelists.” I wept while reading this. The portrait of grief presented in this novel continues to haunt me, so true to life and so moving it seemed. I love this book’s imagination. We meet Shakespeare, his wife, his children, and learn all about the Great Bard from the vantage of his devoted but wounded wife. So creative! More on this book here.

All the Names They Used for God by Anjali Sachdeva. “A dystopian tale about genetically modified septuplets who are struck by a mysterious illness; a love story about a man bewitched by a mermaid; a stirring imagining of the lives of Nigerian schoolgirls in the aftermath of a Boko Haram kidnapping. The stories in All the Names They Used for God break down genre barriers—from science fiction to American Gothic to magical realism to horror—and are united by each character’s brutal struggle with fate. Like many of us, the characters in this collection are in pursuit of the sublime.” This is an eccentric, other-worldly set of short stories whose imagery lingers and whose rudder steers us toward the intersection between science, myth, and imagination. I read this nearly five years ago and still think regularly about one of the stories, in which a character gets lost underground and attempts to find his way out. (Full review here.)

Post-Scripts.

+Different ways to read the Iliad.

+Who is in your personal canon?

+Footholds.

Shopping Break.

+Currently obsessed with all the footwear from Fabrizio Viti — everything from sandals to clogs!

+Fun oversized flower earrings for under $30.

+If you are looking for a “statement sneaker” that won’t break the bank — I really love my court shoes from Madewell, and they have a great new fall-oriented colorway (I own a pastel pair, currently on sale). They are surprisingly comfortable and I like the way they look with vintage fit denim in particular.

+Love these $60 woven slides, which come in so many colors. I would get the blue or yellow – a fun contrast to your summer dress lineup! I also really like them in the hot pink, available here.

+Into this BR look from head-to-toe, including the embroidered blouse and the pleated shorts!

+Great way to display a beloved cookbook or coffee table book!

+The rattan pumpkins are back!

+My favorite tees. Ideal for tucking into jeans. f I want something with a bit more shape/length (i.e., want untucked), I like the ones from Alice Walk. They are insanely soft.

+I bought one of J. Crew’s plunge swimsuits in the Liberty floral this year and WOW. Wow. The best-fitting suit I’ve ever put on my body? Really flattering. They get the leghole / rear coverage right, and it sort of smooths/sucks you in everywhere. I also love the neckline.

+Scalloped perfection.

+Still the best (most comfortable, most flattering) underwire bra.

+Clever solution for traveling with your child’s Tonies box.

+Love this simple but style-conscious white bookcase. PB’s writing desk from the same line was really popular among Magpies during the peak of the pandemic, when we were all scrambling for at-home work spaces. It’s petite, functional, sleek, and would work with any range of different aesthetics.

+Just added these mathlink cubes to my cart for my children.

+These little basket bags with the gingham handle are adorable.

+Love this gingham club chair. I found it difficult to find any interesting patterns when I was shopping for this shape of chair a few years ago.

*Image via Claire Rose.

This post was prompted by a girlfriend asking me “what to wear to Europe without looking too American.” I went down a long and fun rabbit hole and thought I’d share my suggestions here. By the way, these pieces would be spectacularly chic stateside, as well, and I know from past posts that a lot of you prefer more of these sophisticated, neutral-leaning separates no matter the occasion!

My primary observation (from heavily style-stalking a lot of chic European women on Instagram) is to aim for black and neutral colors and to focus on contrasts in either proportions or style — vintage-style Levi’s with a sophisticated black tank tucked in, a voluminous dress with delicate strappy sandals, etc.

For travel day, I would reach for a loose-fit black dress layered beneath a cardigan (in black or camel) or wrap (in black, camel, white) and Supergas. Comfortable, layered, and sleek. Alternately, I am very intrigued by this Jenni Kayne set (look for less here), though I guess it depends on the heat of the destination…would not want to walk off the plane into 90 degree heat wearing those.

Some chic pieces for exploring and dining while abroad —

european vacation style

SMOCKED DRESS // LINEN CAMI // AGOLDE DENIM SHORTS // ALIGHERI COIN NECKLACE // KULE TEE // MATTEAU TOP AND SKIRT // YSL BAG // SUPERGAS // LUGGAGE SCALE // JCREW BUCKET HAT // HUNZA G SWIMSUIT // HAIR CLIP // AMAZON SUNNIES // MER ST BARTH MINI // ST LAURENT SLIDES // POOLSIDE TOTE // H&M HALTERNECK DRESS

Even more Euro-chic finds below…

P.S. Travel essentials.

P.P.S. European pharmacy favorites!

P.P.P.S. Lessons learned while studying abroad.

My Latest Snag: Bandana Print Dress.

Saks went on a markdown rampage earlier this week and I snagged this bandana-print SEA dress I’d been eyeing. I have nothing like it in my closet and thought it would be a fun option for late summer. A few other great closeout-level deals at Saks…

THIS TIERED COTTON MAXI FROM XIRENA – SO FUN IN THE SUNSHINE YELLOW HUE

THIS $100 PARTY DRESS FROM FARM RIO

THIS YELLOW FLORAL CUTOUT STYLE DRESS FROM FAITHFULL

KISSY KISSY FOOTIES FOR UNDER $25!

CARA CARA DRESS FOR UNDER $130!

THESE TORY BURCH SHEARLING SLIPPERS FOR FALL…LOVE THIS FOR WEARING AROUND THE HOUSE!

You’re Soooo Popular: Summer Finds.

The most popular items on Magpie this week:

popular summer fashion

ROUNDED CERAMIC TABLE LAMP WITH BEAUTIFUL SCALLOPED RAFFIA SHADE

PINK PAISLEY LONG-SLEEVE RASHGUARD WITH FULL BACK ZIP — THIS MARA HOFFMAN PIECE IS ON SUCH GOOD SALE AT NEIMAN MARCUS IT IS PRACTICALLY IRRESISTIBLE

FOREST GREEN SHORT SLEEVE RAGLAN PERFORMANCE T-SHIRT FOR THE MR.

GAUZY COTTON BUTTON-FRONT BLOUSE WITH BAND COLLAR AND THREE-QUARTER SLEEVES

EFFORTLESSLY SIMPLE POPOVER WHITE HENLEY MADE FROM A COMFORTABLE COTTON JERSEY BLEND

STUNNING GODDESS-LIKE CHIFFON PLEATED MIDI DRESS IN PINK OMBRE WITH LONG, BILLOWING SLEEVES

SET OF TWO SHEER MOISTURIZING LIP TINTS FROM BOBBI BROWN — MY FAVORITE “BARELY THERE” LIP PRODUCT

SUSTAINABLY-MADE LIGHT-SUPPORT RACERBACK SPORTS BRA BY NIKE

OLIVE-TONED TAPERED HIGH-RISE UTILITY PANTS WITH PATCH POCKETS — ORDER A SIZE DOWN!

DECKED OUT BLUE PRINTED BACKPACK BEACH CHAIR WITH COOLER AND STORAGE POUCHES…BECAUSE RELAXING ON THE BEACH DEMANDS THIS LEVEL OF LUXURY

SUMMER MUST-HAVE WIDE-LEG BREATHABLE LINEN PANTS WITH THICK ELASTIC WAISTBAND

WOVEN RECTANGULAR VANITY TRAY TO ADD A LITTLE EXTRA ORGANIZATION TO ANYWHERE IN YOUR HOME

STRETCHY ATHLETIC SHORTS FOR THE LITTLES WITH ELASTIC AND DRAWSTRING WAIST — DOESN’T HURT THAT THESE ARE HUGELY MARKED DOWN RIGHT NOW

SMALL BRIGHT PINK CROCHETED TOTE WITH INSIDE LINING, POCKETS AND SNAP CLOSURE

DAILY GRADUAL SELF-TANNING SERUM FOR A NATURAL RADIANT SUMMER GLOW

VERSATILE, UNDER-$20 LIGHTWEIGHT FANNY PACK WITH ADJUSTABLE STRAP AND ZIP-UP POUCH — PERFECT FOR HIKES, RUNS, DAY TRIPS, AND ALMOST ANYTHING THAT COMES YOUR WAY

Weekend Musings: Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive.

This poem by William Martin stopped me in my tracks this week:

Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.

How much do I model and mirror virtues, and values, and priorities, in the way I respond to a perfect peach, or pet my dog, or comment on the trees in the backyard? A beautiful prompt to remember that life happens between the drumbeats — and the children are watching.

Shopping Break.

+Currently in my cart

+If you like the look of these trending Loewe shades but not the price tag…voila!

+A great Jacadi sale going on at the moment — I absolutely love their stuff for toddler girls in particular. Mini had so many treasured outfits from them between the ages of 1-3. How great is this scalloped cardigan (so versatile but interesting) and this Liberty floral dress? And how great is this mandarin collar shirt for micro paired with skinny white jeans?

+Speaking of toddler jeans, I already have a few items I’m beginning to eye for fall for the littles. These skinny brown jeans are perfect for micro, and we have good luck with Gap sizing. Imagine with a little vest like this or this.

+I need this crinkled voile coverup. Love the shape and color! Sophisticated! (P.S. – Great coverups under $30 here.)

+These flats are my love language. Love ALL the options, but especially these! SO fun to pair with a dress like this.

+Love this slouchy striped cardigan heading towards fall. (Also: this $130 striped pullover is a great way to get the Toteme/La Ligne vibe for less.)

+Laura Lombardi makes great, timeless gold hoops — so classy. Imagining with a wardrobe in neutral shades.

+A splurge, but how epic is this coat for fall? Have also wanted a Marta Scarampi cape forever…maybe will take the plunge this year?

+For current-season-minded ladies: this versatile striped dress from Marta Scarampi is a slam dunk. I can imagine it working in about fifty different occasions/settings: with elegant sandals for a daytime lunch, with supergas for exploring while on vacation, over a bikini at the beach…!

+My sister recently asked what our favorite snack cups for toddlers are. Honestly, these inexpensive Munchkin ones have been the MVP. They are easy for kids to get hands into and out of, but the lid is entirely removable, which makes them easy to fill (for mama) and clean! We also have some of these collapsible silicone ones, which are more aesthetically pleasing, but more difficult to fill and clean.

+An inexpensive longline (tunic-length) sweatshirt that comes in great colors.

+Oo! This statement pearl bracelet is so fun!

+Outnet has some great white tops marked down from Cinq a Sept — consider this and this.

+Love this new booster seat from Lalo — so chic and can be attached to nearly any dining chair.

Ooooo!!!! Launching this post earlier than the usual 11 a.m. slot because things are already selling out in lightening speed…

Doen’s warehouse sale launched yesterday and there are some great buys to be had.

I OWN AND ADORE THIS FLOATY FLORAL DRESS, SEEN ABOVE (REQUIRES A HALF-SLIP, FYI! — I USE THIS ONE)

THE EVER-POPULAR JANE BLOUSE

OBSESSED WITH THIS TOP FOR EARLY FALL

THIS FLOATY NIGHTGOWN FEELS LIKE A MEDITERRANEAN VACATION DREAM — BAREFEET, MOONLIGHT, THE SMELL OF LEMON AND SALT WATER…!

THINKING AHEAD…THIS WOULD BE PRETTY FOR THANKSGIVING

ROMANTIC AND VERSATILE BLACK DRESS

FUN WITH JEANS — ALSO AVAILABLE IN A FUN MINI LENGTH

P.S. My most recent foray into fiction.

P.P.S. Do you have a workplace mantra?

P.P.P.S. Getting back into a fitness routine.

*Image via Asia Typek.

I loved your comments on my post about handling rude questions and comments. One Magpie suggestion that has really stuck with me the past few weeks:

“I am a big fan of the ‘what do you mean by that?’ I see that question giving the speaker the opportunity to clearly state his or her opinion and intention, rather than me connecting perhaps nonexistent dots.” – Alice

This dovetails beautifully with something Mr. Magpie recently told me about defusing knotty situations at work. When he finds someone is bristling or defensive, he avoids “why” questions and instead aims to get to the bottom of things by asking “what” or “how.” “Why questions put people on the defensive and imply judgement,” he explained. So instead of “Why did you submit this request without going through the proper protocols?” it might be, “What was the process you used here? Help me understand,” or “How did you approach this request?” “What” and “how” indicate an almost neutral curiosity about the steps taken; “why” comes off as accusatory.

The Alice Question (TAQ — “What do you mean by that?”) achieves the same effect. This question gives people the benefit of the doubt, or at least creates some smoke screen through which you can escape without having to directly respond to something untoward or uncomfortable. It buys time I often need to digest the question without leaping into something overly-agreeable to the point of self-deprecatory.

Have you tried this tack, whether in the workplace or in personal matters? Any other advice on maneuvering through sticky interpersonal situations?

Post-Scripts.

+My J. Crew mules arrived and they are absolutely adorable. Love the tiny kitten heel. Go perfectly with breezy summer dresses!

+These cordless, rechargeable lamps are such a fab option for outdoor dining!

+These $120 d’orsay flats are insanely cute.

+These popular cashmere wraps were just restocked — they always fly! I love the reversible colors. Perfect for throwing on over a dress when chilly, or for travel days!

+Seriously fun, under-$100 sundress. Love both colors!

+I can’t stop thinking about these brown linen pants.

+Such a unique dress — spectacular!

+For some reason I’m all of the sudden wanting everything navy when it comes to fitness. Love these bike shorts, this tank, these APLs, and (for schlepping essentials to/from) this phone sling.

+This on-trend crochet bag is on sale for under $50 plus an extra 40% off! More bags along these lines here.

+I’m obsessed with this Shun utility knife. It’s perfect for slicing bread and tomatoes in particular.

+Daphne Wilde is running a surprise sale! You may need to be an email subscriber to access. I love this elegant shirtdress and this tiered one!

+These new after-bath wraps are a clever innovation. I usually wear Eberjey rompers because I get so hot a terry towel while heat styling my hair.

+Speaking of heat styling: I am still obsessed with my upgraded Revlon 1-Step 2.0, which I bought in January of this year! I can’t live without this. It’s worth upgrading if you have the O.G. version — the 2.0 is slimmer/lighter weight (and therefore easier to hold and maneuver) plus it is quieter and does not get as hot.

+I need this chunky necklace.

+Have been hearing rave reviews about this $7 tee.

+Adorable bucket bag.

You have to check out some of the fantastic deals on Roller Rabbit coverups, dresses, and pajamas for littles I’ve found at Shopbop, Saks, Dillard’s, and RR itself…so many gems to snag at a discount! I especially love these tunics for the pool, their footies for babies, and this mommy and me situation. I’m tempted by this adorable reversible bikini for mini, and wouldn’t this robe be perfect for a new mom? (Or, any mom…or, any woman?! Love the star print.)

roller rabbit sale finds

PINK DRESS // PINK DRESS FOR LITTLE // REVERSIBLE GIRL’S BIKINI // BLUE FRINGE TUNIC // PINK FRINGE TUNIC // BEACH UMBRELLA // BEACH CHAIR // EMBROIDERED TASSEL CAFTAN MAXI // EMBROIDERED MINI // MULTICOLOR STRIPED FOOTIE // BLUE STRIPED FOOTIE

A few other RR sale snags below…

P.S. Great bags and hats for the beach and beyond.

P.P.S. On getting back into baking.

P.P.P.S. Do you know what a BATNA is?

*Image above courtesy of Johanna Ortiz featuring her gorgeous printed tunic dress.

I tend to overlook earth-toned pieces when I’m shopping, but a classic cut in sand beige or chocolate brown translates as sophisticated, understated style. One of the items on my short list for late summer / early fall is a brown and white stripe mariniere-style sweater, like this or this. So chic with wide leg trousers. Below, sharing a collection of natural colored pieces that I will instantly elevate any outfit.

SUSTAINABLY PRODUCED POINTELLE KNIT NUDE MIDI DRESS — THIS TIERED KNIT STYLE IS A STUNNING TWIST ON THE CLASSIC NUDE BODYCON MIDI

HIGH-RISE FULL-LENGTH COMPRESSION LEGGINGS IN CHOCOLATE FROM GIRLFRIEND COLLECTIVE

STRIPED LONG SLEEVE BLOUSE WITH KEYHOLE CUTOUT AND PUFF SLEEVE DETAIL

BOLD GRAPHIC PRINTED MAXI TUNIC DRESS MADE FROM A LIGHTWEIGHT COTTON VOILE — SUCH A CHIC HEAD-TURNING PIECE FOR THE WARMER MONTHS

FULL-LENGTH RELAXED COLUMN DRESS WITH RUFFLED NECKLINE – CURRENTLY OVER HALF OFF AT SAKS

STATEMENT CAT EYE SUNGLASSES IN A CARAMEL TORTOISE COLOR WITH BUILT-IN UV PROTECTION — A FRESH AND FUN TAKE ON THE TRADITIONAL CAT EYE

ESPADRILLE WEDGE SANDALS WITH LEATHER STRAP

BUTTERY SOFT BODY-HUGGING EVERYDAY CREWNECK T-SHIRT FROM SKIMS

FLOATING MANGO WOOD WALL SHELF WITH WAVY EDGE — REALLY ADDS PERSONALITY TO A SPACE

FLORAL PRINTED TIERED LONG SLEEVE MAXI DRESS WITH POCKETS FROM A BREATHABLE SILK

HANDWOVEN RATTAN BUCKET BAG (IN MY CLOSET!)

BEIGE AND WHITE STRIPE OVERSIZED COTTON CLASSIC BUTTON-UP SHIRT — BR HAS MASTERED THE HIGH-QUALITY, REASONABLY-PRICED WARDROBE STAPLE AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM

LIGHTWEIGHT NON-STRECH LINEN HIGH-RISE PANTS IN A WIDE LEG SILHOUETTE

SUSTAINABLE ORGANIC COTTON WRAP MIDI DRESS WITH STATEMENT WAIST TIE AND ICONIC SURPLICE NECKLINE, AVAILABLE FOR A STEAL AT MODA OPERANDI RIGHT NOW TOO

POLKA-DOT PRINTED SHORT PUFF SLEEVE BLOUSE WITH SMOCKED BODICE AND BABY PEPLUM HEM

SLIP-ON LOW HEELED SANDAL WITH LEATHER BASE AND FRINGED WOVEN RAFFIA UPPER

BUCKET-STYLE LARGE SAND COLORED LEATHER TOTE BAG WITH INNER POCKETS AND LINING AS WELL AS KNOT CLOSURE…THIS CHIC BAG MIGHT RIVAL YOUR CURRENT GO-TO PURSE

A handful of other fab finds in this color category…

P.S. Fabulous finds under $200.

P.P.S. Dresses without puffed sleeves or smocking.

P.P.P.S. Must-try salsa verde.

I’ve written elsewhere that music is a key ingredient to a successful gathering at home, and, over the years, have curated dozens of playlists for a broad range of entertaining occasions — everything from dinner with in-laws to late night dance parties to lazy Sunday hang-outs. Today, I thought I’d share one of my favorite playlists, titled “That Must Be Nigel with the Brie.” This playlist is perfect for a classy cocktail or dinner party, the kind where you might be eating off of formal china now but the wine is flowing. In other words, this playlist is a great mix of the sophisticated and the soulful. If you were born in the 80s, you’ll understand the title, which is pirated from a line in “10 Things I Hate about You.” In the movie, a group of uptight, academically-oriented students are enjoying a highbrow gathering at home when the doorbell rings and an onslaught of the entire high school student body tramples in. Unaware of the imminent arrival of their wild and unwieldy classmates, one character says, in a nasal voice: “That must be Nigel with the Brie!” My sister and I find endless applications for this quote, but it feels just right for the following playlist: a good mix of pinky out and shoes off. Think candles burning low and a good barolo open on the coffee table.

I’ve created the playlists on Apple Music and Spotify in case it’s easier to access that way. But here is the playlist, top to bottom.

“MANOIR DE MES REVES” // DJANGO REINHARDT

“HOMESICK” // THE MARCUS KING BAND

“MERRY GO ROUND” // THE EQUATICS

“TEZETA” // MULATU ASTATKE

“ME & MR JONES” // AMY WINEHOUSE

“SAME OLD NEWS” // LAKE STREET DIVE

“PAPERBACKS” // ARLO PARKS

“ROCK YOUR BABY” // GEORGE MCCRAE

“HEY GIRL” // LADY GAGA FEAT FLORENCE WELCH

“SUN GO DOWN” // FAT NIGHT

“FLY ME TO THE MOON” // BOBBY WOMACK

“MIDNIGHT IN HARLEM” // TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND

“I LOVE YOU FOR SENTIMENTAL REASONS” // NAT KING COLE

“STARDUST” // WILLIE NELSON

“HARVEST MOON” // NEIL YOUNG

“RULER OF MY HEART” // IRMA THOMAS

“CRY, CRY, CRY” // JUDITH HILL

“OUT IN THE COLD AGAIN” // VAN MORRISON

“MISTAKES” // LAKE STREET DIVE

“I SAW STARS” // DJANGO REINHARDT

“SKIPPING STONES” // GALLANT FEAT JHENE AIKO

Post-Scripts.

+Things I’ve learned while cooking and entertaining.

+A fab party dish.

+Entertaining girlfriends at home.

+Some great kitchen gear to amp up your cooking game.

+My husband’s obsession with food is one of his most attractive traits.

Shopping Break.

+A demure approach to the cut-out dress trend.

+Caspari does the cutest cocktail napkins! These and these would be so punchy on a butler’s tray with some bar snacks and a few tumblers of G&T.

+I mentioned this a few posts ago, but had to re-share: these artfolios are on sale for over 50% off and make such adorable gifts! I bought one for each of my children (they also have a black squiggle style) and a few to give away. These backpacks (also by State!) are on sale for $31 — usually $85! I know a lot of you like this brand for your children’s school backpacks.

+These personalized bow note cards are chic and adorable.

+Two fabulous tennis dresses: this Lacoste and this Varley. (More finds for summer sports here.)

+I have been to the driving range a few times recently and will be playing nine holes with Mr. Magpie this week. I’ve been getting by with pieces in my closet not specifically designated for golf (usually Lacoste polos and Lulu fitness skorts) but if I continue in this sport, I want to invest in some pieces from Byrdie, like this dress or this one.

+I can’t get over this $40 H&M dress. The neckline is so sophisticated! Reminds me of the twist necklines on several Johanna Ortiz dresses I’ve been drooling over. I feel like this dress is meant to go with a raffia platform slide.

+Speaking of Johanna Ortiz, there are a bunch of her dresses on absurd discount in very small quantities at Bergdorf’s — consider this navy (!) and this patterned midi. Also: this insanely stylish top, originally $550, now $137. Pair with jeans for the chicest fall look.

+Outrageously fun statement bag for fall.

+$100 party pants!!!!

+Tuckernuck’s beach collection has some really fun pieces —

+These dining chairs are so interesting/architectural and different.

+Usborne’s Look Inside books are such great “busy books” for little ones. Both of my children are enthralled with them. Great for Church, travel, restaurants. My daughter loves this one on human anatomy and my son adores this construction site one.

*Image above via Le Set featuring their teddy pullover and matching pants.

I am not a huge loungewear person, but there are occasions where it’s the only thing that will do. I am contemplating one of these Jenni Kayne marina culottes and sweater combos as we head towards fall. Doesn’t it look like the dreamiest thing to wear on a rainy evening?

A few other great pieces to contemplate…

LESET SWEATER AND PANTS SET

THIS GAUZE TUNIC SET

EBERJEY JERSEY KNIT SET

ANOTHER LESET WIDE LEG PANTS AND CARDIGAN COMBO (TIHS ONE IS ON SALE!)

THE DROP RIBBED SWEATER AND PANT DUO

HANRO SLEEPING BRA – PEOPLE ABSOLUTELY RAVE ABOUT THIS COMFORTABLE SEAMLESS BRA

UNIQLO TEES

LONGLINE KNIT CARDIGAN

GAP AIRY WIDE LEG PANTS

LAKE RELAX SET

SLEEPER SHEARLING SLIPPERS

TOTEME TANKS

DONNI WAFFLE KNIT SET

LUNYA WASHABLE SILK SET

LUNYA RESTORE SET

RIBBED WIDE LEG PANTS, SWEATER TANK, AND CARDI

BUTTON FRONT PLACQUET SWEATSHIRT

CASHMERE BALLET FLATS

SWEATSHIRT

P.S. At-home pampering.

P.P.S. How do you spend time alone?

P.P.P.S. Activities for children.

This morning, I am publishing a modestly adapted essay I wrote in November 2019. The timing of its original publication now seems deeply ironic, as we were a blithe hop, skip, and a jump from a global pandemic that would send the entire world into a grinding halt. That is: everything changed just three months after this essay was published. But the essay is seasonless. It resonates as much now as it did then, for old reasons that ache in new ways, and for a crop of new reasons, too. I still miss Elizabeth. I still mourn the ends of girlhood friendships. I still grit my teeth at the changes in my own children. I was watching my boy trot around the lip of the pool the other day and a sob involuntarily rose to my lips. He was holographic, sylphlike, seeming to change from baby to boy before my eyes: his still-chubby face, his now-slender body; the tighter orchestration of his movements against the infantile floaties on his arms.

The other day, I came across this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different?”

This is true in ways both auspicious and grief-inducing, as I articulated in my original essay. Today I am sitting here revisiting the notion of change — that Janus, that ancient god of doorways — and plumbing for new insight.

*********

One of the hosts of my current favorite podcast (still devouring these episodes — what a delight!) made an off-handed reference to Bonnie Raitt’s “I Don’t Want Anything to Change” song. She invoked it as the perfect song for when you need a good cry, whether you’re nursing a broken heart or grieving the loss of a loved one. And though I was not feeling lachrymose on that particular chilly October morning, I tuned in, and these lyrics left me swallowing, hard, as I walked up Columbus Avenue and thought back to some of the emotions I grappled with when my friend E. was very ill:

I can feel you fading
But until you’re gone
I’m taking all the time I can borrow
The getting over is waiting
But I won’t move on
And I’m gonna wanna feel the same tomorrow

And I don’t want anything to do
With what comes after you
I don’t want anything to change

I always think a lot about change this time of year, because of the turn in seasons. And I think a lot about E. this time of year because her birthday was September 26th — and she loved birthdays. There were always thoughtful presents wrapped in carefully selected paper, long and effusive cards detailing the ins and outs of our friendship, peppered with inside jokes that I can only barely make out as a thirty-five-year-old when I have the emotional stamina to thumb through some of the memorabilia from our young friendship, cupcakes from boxed mixes with goopy letters frosted on top, occasionally balloons, brought to school and stowed by her locker. Do I have this wrong or did we occasionally write on the windows of her car in the school parking lot with window markers to celebrate the day? (T.D.(T) or E.S.(P), please clarify.) And her parents always threw her a proper party at their home in Vienna for the occasion. I can see so clearly her bright and happy face excitedly chatting with all of her girlfriends fanned around her, the entire day joyful and silly and feminine — just like she was.

Oh, I miss her.

When I think of her now, I often wonder what life would be like if she were still alive. Would she come up to visit me in New York? Would we be comparing notes on child-rearing? Would she send me middle-of-the-night texts while breastfeeding her own child? Would we meet in the summer at a beach house somewhere between Virginia in New York, where we would inevitably spend two or three nights re-living our youth? (And would she remember that summer afternoon in the parking lot at Kings Dominion?)

These unfair and unproductive musings are markedly different from the kind of grieving I experienced just before and after her death, when I was appalled to think about the gaping chasm she would and did leave behind. Her absence was a shock I could not accommodate. It was an acute kind of grief that — when I wasn’t thinking directly about her passing — softened around the edges into mushy, maudlin, ephemeral observations of the changes in my life now that she was gone. I would be driving down Wisconsin Avenue past Thomas Sweet ice cream shop and I would think of the evening we marched over there with our parents and a posse of our friends after the awards ceremony that book-ended every school year, and the way we laughed and whispered and held big cups of frozen yogurt with sprinkles as our shoes caught in the red herringbone brick of the Georgetown sidewalks and the sun set behind us. And I wouldn’t think directly about her so much as the fact that we would never walk that stretch of Volta Street together again, or get frozen yogurt together, or talk about that night together — and how everything was changing, and how awful it was.

If you were to toss out the word “change” at random, I would reflexively think upon it in favorable terms: turning over a new leaf! open doors! new beginnings! progress! movement!

But change is a trickster, a Janus. And it can be the grimmest of reapers. It is woven so deeply into the fabric of grief that I occasionally forget that its churning gears are to blame for much of the gritty heartache of mourning a loss. The befores and afters. The retiring of things once used. The way I still wrote her birthday into my planner for many years though I’d bite my tongue every time I’d do it. The acerbic longing for the normalcies of what once were.

And change is hard, full-stop, no matter what age you are or how well-supported and emotionally aware you find yourself. Change is hard when you are a toddler and are suddenly accommodating a new routine, or a new brother, or a new home — or, like our child, all three at once. (Yikes!) Change is also hard when you are a thirty-something woman recovering from a c-section and overwhelmed by all the new thoughts and emotions and responsibilities that are swirling around you. And I would venture to guess that change is still hard when you are in your fifties and sending your children off to college, or when you are in your sixties and retiring from a job your love, or when you are in your seventies and moving from your home into a retirement community.

Why is this? I wondered as I listened to Bonnie’s lyrics again a few days later. It must be in part because we are creatures of habit, attached to what we know, alarmed by and dubious of what we don’t. And if you think about it, every institution in our lives is oriented around stasis. Do you know, for example, how difficult it is to move from one state to another, even in the U.S., a federation of states with a shared government and shared interests? When we moved from Illinois to New York, it felt almost like no one had ever attempted to move between states before we had — everything was protracted, done on paper, faxed to weird back offices, biased against us. For example, it was a multi-month-long challenge to get our fare cards for the L cashed out. We had to fill out a paper form drafted in like 1982 indicating we were permanently relocating, send it via email to a random inbox that I to this day cannot believe did not bounce and wait eight weeks for our check of $108 to arrive in New York. Transferring all of our information and turning off utilities and all that jazz — the entire thing was archaic, tedious, and heavily inconvenient. It made obvious that change is an underprivileged entity. That everything in our lives is optimized for lock-in, for stasis. That there are myriad invisible forces designed to keep us in our places.

And we construct our own centrifugal forces, too: the rituals of our mornings, the sequencing of nighttime skincare regimens, the spots in our home designated for piles of mail, or discarded shoes, or dish towels. Everything around us designed for comfort and habit and routine.

But life is synonymous with change, even when we can’t see it happening. As a mother to two young children, I am often reminded of this fact, as that pair of pants that fit micro two days ago now no longer button, or that puzzle that used to be too advanced for mini is now easily completed — and then, much to my wonderment and glee, placed back in the box and returned to the shelf. (Thank you, Montessori!)

Oh, change, you two-faced woman, at once the mask of grief and the mantle of progress! I don’t know about you or what you’re up to but I’ve come around to the notion that you will be my recurring visitor whether I invite you or not.

Shopping Break.

+Serena + Lily is running a tent sale! Love these gingham crib sheets, this table lamp, this floor lamp (perfect for a nursery), and this seagrass-wrapped pitcher (a great hostess / housewarming / engagement gift too).

+I love the fact that rugby shirts have been in the past season or two. This La Ligne rugby is epic (and on sale for around $100) and I also love the ones from Kule. For your little boy: love both of the colorways of this J. Crew style! Adorable with a pair of white shorts.

+These earrings are so fun.

+I was reading recently that lost luggage is at an all-time high! Next time you are traveling by air, tuck an AirTag into your suitcase!

+One day, when I am traveling more frequently, I want to invest in a line of Rimowa suitcases.

+Erin Wallace just released the most adorable backpack tags for girls and boys…already looking ahead to the school year!

+This gown is giving major Missoni-in-the-70s-vibes and I’m so here for it. This was basically MADE to be worn with platforms like these.

+Pistola Denim makes the best reasonably-priced white denim I’ve tried. The only other brand of white jeans I’ve loved is by J Brand but they no longer make it!

+Beautiful, demure dress for a more conservative affair.

+Thinking ahead to fall — swooning over this dramatic coat and these dramatic clogs.

+Fun woven ballerinas!

+Love the colors of this toddler pullover!

+This looks like the easiest dress to wear.

+This dramatic scalloped hat is fun.

+Adorable under-$100 bag.

+Sweetest canopy bed for a little girl.