My girlfriend texted me this letter Kurt Vonnegut sent in response to high school fan mail —
Vonnegut reminds us to create for the sake of creating. Creative work as therapy, as a channel for self-knowledge. I could not agree with these sentiments more. We are born creative. Sometimes we must train ourselves to reclaim our creative confidence — to doodle in the margins. May I recommend a small change to promote creativity, whatever your field or line of work, and however much you distance yourself from the term “creative”? Adopt post-its or pencils. Post-its are inherently light-weight, reconfigurable, impermanent. Their 3×3 size is an invitation to keep things short and slapdash (don’t belabor!), and the adhesive embraces the temporary. Pencils, too — far more forgiving, far more playful, than pen. I was reflecting on this the other day when I thought how lucky I am to have been born in the era of the word processor, with the blinking cursor my prompt and the delete button a permission slip to play and take chances. Would I have been a different writer in the age of the typewriter? When errors and corrections were visible?
Vonnegut’s quote also drew Toni Morrison to mind: “I don’t trust a performance. I could get a response that might make me think it was successful when it wasn’t at all. The difficulty for me in writing—among the difficulties—is to write language that can work quietly on a page for a reader who doesn’t hear anything. Now for that, one has to work very carefully with what is in between the words. What is not said. Which is measure, which is rhythm, and so on. So, it is what you don’t write that frequently gives what you do write its power.” This is not entirely what Vonnegut was after. Morrison offers a more technical extension of his gesture. But the echo speaks to me: the creative act not as performance but as a path to some kind of intrinsic, intransigent truth.
Lately, I have been thinking about writing as “capture and release.” I find myself drawing the world around me into my arms, moving elements around in language, and then thoughts float off into the world like the plumed seeds of a dandelion head, landing delicately here or pollinating something there. That is, I know only about the gathered florets. I know next to nothing about the one-on-one confrontations between what I have written and those who read it. And so I had better write “to practice, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to learn what’s inside me, to make my soul grow.”
+This dress is bringing major end-of-summer energy to the wedding guest circuit. I love the pattern — Emilia Wickstead-esque! — but the price is far more approachable!
+This feather-trim button-down sold out last year! Perfection!
+Speaking of travel: Frame has a new “jetset” collection designed specifically for travel days (no hardware, pockets, or seams for “elevated comfort”), including tons of different pant silhouettes. I’m drawn to their bestselling crop style.
+Wow – another black tie stunner. Kind of want this as my Christmas dress?
It’s been awhile since I’ve extolled the virtues of a few hero beauty finds I’ve found on Amazon. I know some of you are already hooked on these marvels, but in case you missed it —
EVANHEALY WILD CARROT NOURSHING EYE BALM. I am absolutely addicted to this. It is a deeply hydrating eye balm stick that thoroughly hydrates the entire eye area (I use undereye and on lid). I love slicking it on before bed for maximum hydration, and then putting Korres’ sleeping facial (smells like heaven) on all over my face. Something about the stick application makes it a cinch to fit into my regimen, whereas I’ve been spottier in discipline with other eye creams.
MAKEUP REMOVING CLOTHS. These makeup removing cloths are the perfect size — and you only need to add water to take everything off your face! I use one per day and toss in the laundry. I especially like them for removing eye makeup — particularly tubing mascara, which I honestly can’t stand owing to the mess of removal, but if I am going to use it, I lean heavily on these.
LIVING LIBATIONS CLEANSING OIL. I know a lot of you are hooked on this incredible moisturizing cleansing oil. I use it in the morning and my skin is glowy, dewy, happy, moisturized — it’s the best.
FAUX MARBLE VANITY TRAY. I love to keep my lineup of skincare organized on this little tray. It is so easy to let products pile up! This keeps everything corralled in one place.
First, a note! Magpie will be undergoing a major glow up in the next week or two, and the site may be temporarily unavailable at some point during this time. We will be back up and running with a new look (but the same far-flung mix of posts, toggling between the freighted and the frivolous) in short order! I have wanted to shorten the name from TheFashionMagpie to Magpie for years now and cannot wait to introduce you to the new nest. In the meantime, should you encounter it, please pardon the dust.
There is a phrase floating around the Internet these days — “main character energy.” The New Yorker captured it as follows: “[Main character energy] describes any situation in which a person is making herself the center of attention, the crux of a particular narrative, as if cameras were trained on her and her alone. The term can be used appreciatively, acknowledging a form of self-care—putting yourself first—or as an accusation, a calling out of narcissism: a person dressing too extravagantly for a casual event, for example, is trying to be the main character. Main-character moments are those in which you feel ineffably in charge, as if the world were there for your personal satisfaction.”
I feel conflicted about this concept, and the way the New Yorker captures it, too. Specifically, I do not feel the use case binaries suggested (“appreciative vs accusatory”) are adequate. And I do not think “main character energy” presupposes that “the world is there for your personal satisfaction.” Main character energy can be about self-empowerment. It can be about unhooking from the expectations either we or those around us have foisted upon us. It can be about creating distance between ourselves and the irrational actions of others. For example, I have been in relationships in which I have needed to remind myself that I am a whole and complete person, and that I am entitled to feel however I feel, and that I do not need to sublimate my feelings out of deference — and in that context, channeling my own “main character energy” has been a mode of self-empowerment. I can feel myself consciously draw inward and re-anchor myself. I can work up the courage to define a boundary, or express disagreement, or reject unfairness. This also applies to workplace scenarios. I am thinking specifically of a few instances earlier in my career when I would shy away from asking a colleague for something, or for asking for another round of revisions from a contractor, even though these requests were well within reason. I did not want to seem overbearing or demanding. Sometimes, I reckoned, it was easier to just take those items on myself. Main character energy says: “No! I am not responsible for someone else’s work!” or “I am paying this person for this task we’d agreed on — I should not accept something half-done because I don’t want to be a nuisance!” Thinking even further back, as a pre-teen, I wallflowered. I conformed to my friend group. I played the sidekick — a word that triggers me because I once had a boss who consistently forgot my name and instead called me “the sidekick” openly, to other staff. But we will save that indignity for another post. As a pre-teen, I think the shrinking violet vibe is fairly normal, but still — I wish I had known how to tap into main character energy. No, I do not want to play the Ouija board at Norma’s house because it scares me and I’d rather watch movies with Samantha. Yes, I have a bucket hat and braces, next?
There is a great lyric from Harry Styles’ most recent album (which is just a delight, from start to finish) in which he sings:
I’m on the roof, you’re in your airplane seat I was nose-bleeding, looking for life out there
What I mean to say is:
We cannot let ourselves sit in the nosebleeds our entire lives. We have one wild and precious life: let’s get down into the arena, if not up onto the stage. If you need a hype soundtrack, listen to Beyonce’s Renaissance, which is, essentially, an ode to main character energy.
It may also help to remember that most people are playing the starring roles in their own lives. Why should anyone be made to feel like the supporting actor? Playing the main character in your own life can permit you to feel how you truly feel, change your opinion, your hair, your job, or lean into your charming idiosyncrasies with a bit more abandon.
At the same time.
Is there anything more upsetting than someone who thinks everything happens to them, personally? I have sat through too many awkward situations in which I have thought — “But this is not about you!” I am sensitive to this (I think) to a fault. Sometimes I withhold too much because I do not want to crowd someone else out, or I qualify my own experiences by saying “it’s not a patch on what you’re going through, but…” Still. Being the main character does not mean we cannot sit in empathetic silence and let another person have her soliloquy. And sometimes, our lives do revolve more about someone else — a child, an unwell parent, a friend in need — and that can be a beautiful and important sacrifice. But you can remain the main character in that narrative, too. It’s your life. It’s happening now, and to you. Your lead role has simply changed description.
What say you, Magpies?
Do you have main character energy? How do you feel about the concept?
+Speaking of coats: just found this Alex Mill coat, which has been SO popular and selling out in the neutral color, in last season’s chic brown, on sale for under $100. It’s in my cart!
+Am definitely in the mood for a chocolate brown top to tuck into classic fit denim — something like this or this would be perfection!
+OMG — Westman Atelier just launched a new skin tint…can’t wait to get my hands on this! Their foundation/concealer stick remains the GOAT and I’ve loved basically everything they’ve ever released!
+I ended up ordering this shoe organizer for myself (still somewhere in the middle part of organizing my clothes/closet) and it truly is incredible. You can stow a ton of shoes in there, and it’s very sturdy and thoughtful designed — you can reposition the velcro to fit the exact width/shape of your shoes. I am using this for out of season shoes, or shoes I don’t wear as often.
+This ditsy floral sweatshirt for girls is so cute.
+I live for these folders. I love to use them to keep papers/forms protected in my purse, and also to send in forms to school, to keep medical records separate for my children, to corral parts of applications, etc. I honestly could not live without them. Every now and then, I go on a rampage and go through all the paper on my desk, on our kitchen counter, etc, and sort them into these (after tossing or shredding the vast majority).
+Such a fun necklace. I would pair it with chocolate brown!
+I have a great pair of joggers from Target similar to these from two seasons ago that I still reach for 90% of the time. Going to try these in the chic cream color.
This week’s roundup of top-of-the-heap obsessions, purchases, and discoveries…
BALLARD GRECIAN URNS. We just bought these to flank our front door and Mr. Magpie planted boxwoods in them. They are so dramatic and regal and they go perfectly with the dark hardware on our door and the columns of our portico. A great deal at the moment, too!
RETURN ADDRESS LABEL STICKERS. I wrote about this at some point last week, but as I was recently massaging my hand after scrawling our address in the upper left hand corner of a stack of envelopes the other day, I thought — what am I doing? And promptly ordered these attractive, affordable stickers, which came within a couple of days of ordering. Perfect for things like bills, subscriptions, packages, etc. (I try to have the return address printed on my good stationery.) This shop has tons of great designs if boxwoods aren’t your thing.
BYREDO BLANCHE BODY CREAM. I am just totally obsessed with Byredo! I can’t help it. This cream is my latest indulgence and makes me feel like I live in the lap of luxury. It smells like heavenly laundry and hydrates deeply.
BLACK PLATFORMS. These are the only shoes you need for cold weather affairs. I own a similar style from Miu Miu with a pearl accent (like these, but a few seasons old — you can see them in a snap above with Rhode’s Serena dress in a past-season print…love this current-season pattern!) that I just pulled out earlier this week when trying to decide what to wear to an upcoming dinner party. I decided it’s still just a tad early but am itching to slip into them at the first sign of fall. You can get the look for less with these. A few other options below.
URBAN REVIVO PEARL TRIM CARDIGAN. I have no experience with this website, so I cannot speak to the quality, but I am IN LOVE with this bejeweled cardigan situation. SO good! Like, how adorable layered over a nap dress or with black denim and Chanel flats?
IN A NEW YORK MINUTE BY KATE SPENCER. I have been having trouble sleeping lately and have been tearing through fluffy books in the wee small hours of the morning. This one is really scratching the itch for me — one of the opening scenes, in which the protagonist’s dress gets stuck in the NY subway’s door and tears in half — is absurd and strangely legible to me as a former New Yorker. I can almost feel the panic of that moment. And then a Prince Charming swoops in and proffers a Gucci blazer. I mean, as I said: fluffy books for the wee small hours of the morning that send me swiftly into la la land.
BIGSO DOCUMENT BOXES AND FILE FOLDERS. I recently went through a ton of family memorabilia and loads of my own paperwork, shredded a ton, and kept only what I needed in these tidy boxes in my closet. I feel like a weight has been lifted!
MADEWELL GRIFF PANTS. Currently 30% off! Madewell generously sent me a pair to try and they are fantastic. They have a nice, high-waist and a flattering tapered leg that leave no questions as to whether you’re just sort of wearing dated cargo pants — nope. These have a perspective and agenda. Go a full size down from your true size — these run large. I might even have been able to get away with two sizes down! I like the vibe of pairing these with a white tee and a cardigan (as seen in the snap above). Which brings me to…
VITA GRACE PEARL TRIM CARDIGAN. This has been a sleeper hit of a purchase for me. I bought this sweater maybe two or three seasons ago (in the depths of COVID) and I’ve worn it heavily since. It is OSFA and so rather oversized/boxy on me, especially in the armhole/upper arm area, but I just push the cuffs up to my elbows and make sure the rest of my outfit is slim-fit. I love this sweater. It is, in my opinion, a perfect “desk sweater,” a term coined by Nellie Diamond. I often keep it draped over the back of my desk chair as I am nearly always cold at my desk, even in the sweltering summer heat. Anyhow, it was restocked recently and I had to mention. Great over tees but also cute paired with nap dresses!
TODDLER CROCS. I never thought I’d be a crocs mom, but toddler crocs hit different. We have to send “indoor shoes” to my children’s Montessori and these are just the easiest, most comfortable, sturdiest shoes for them to get into and out of independently. I was surprised at how much my daughter wanted to wear her pair this summer, too. I initially resisted (“don’t you want to wear your Footmates sandals?”, she asked optimistically, slight panic registering) but they’ve kind of grown on me? Bonus: very easy to keep clean. Just rinse down.
TODDLER MINNOW PANTS. Minnow just nails it for me, time and time again. I’ve purchased my son a few pairs of pants from Gap and then these as we head towards fall. I like that both of these brands have a good slim but not skinny fit — more classic/traditional.
SEA ALESSIA DRESS. I ordered this for myself recently. This is the kind of dress I LOVE to wear on weekdays when I want to look a bit more put together. I’ve been receiving a lot of cute messages from Magpies asking for “carpool outfits,” and I know what these moms want — the kinds of outfits that are easy to throw on but are chic enough to make an impression if you end up staying after at the playground or overseeing an impromptu play date. These are the kinds of dresses I reach for in the fall months. Just pair with flats or suede boots! I love when I can score these higher-end designers at end-of-season prices like this, too — basically J. Crew price for a much higher quality / more fashion forward find. Also love this dark gingham style in a similar dress shape.
JUJYFRUITS. I’m inexplicably obsessed with these. They are a terrible candy — get stuck in your teeth, always kind of stale — but the heart wants what it wants. I realized that I was old when I started liking the licorice flavor, which I used to toss in the garbage.
Shop The Magpie Edit.
P.S. I need some new book recs — anything you’ve been loving? Some books recently on my radar here.
P.P.S. The comments on this post about “noticing” as a gender-encoded practice were interesting.
I’ve written elsewhere that I exclusively buy either prestige or budget hair care products for myself, and I’ve been on a Pantene kick for nearly a year now. After getting my hair cut and colored at the George Salon at the Four Seasons DC a week or two ago, I decided it was time to refresh. My stylist told me that after you’ve been using a product for awhile, your hair grows accustomed to it, and needs a kick-start. I am toggling back to my tried-and-true favorite luxury haircare line: Oribe. I’ve tried nearly all of their variations (e.g., for blondes, for color-treated hair, etc) and they are all excellent. This time, I went with their signature. It is peak luxury shower experience. The smell, the lather, the results! Heaven. A lovely little upgrade.
SET OF SIX FOLDING QUILTED ZIP-UP ORGANIZATION BINS — HOW I’M STORING MY OFF-SEASON CLOTHES
Weekend Musings: Slowly Is the Fastest Way to Get to Where You Want to Be.
In 2019, actor Andre De Shields won his first Tony at the age of 73. On the dais, he said:
“Slowly is the fastest way to get to where you want to be. The top of one mountain is the bottom of the next, so keep climbing.”
Is there anything worthwhile in life that comes quickly? Besides, perhaps, the first blush — the first hunch — of love? Everything else requires time, dedication, recursions, frustrations, highs and lows. I was thinking about this the other day while running. Running offers an obvious metaphor for persistence towards a goal. Most of running is boring and repetitive — at least for me. I know some runners find the act thoroughly meditative, but most of the time, I’m just out there, hoping to finish. I find this particularly true when I have a lot going on and am chomping at the bit to just get home and get my day started. But running in this mode is good practice for the stamina required of most worthy pursuits in life, where we spend a lot of time “in the middle,” just putting one foot in front of the other.
One of my chief grievances with start-up culture is the romanticization of the entrepreneur. In reality, starting a business is a long slog “through the middle.” It takes years and years of thoroughly unglamorous work. Think about the most monotonous and unpleasant part of any business — whether cleaning toilets, packing boxes, coordinating transportation, etc. At one point (often for a sustained period), any entrepreneur has given days — even weeks, months, years! — of her life fulfilling that role. The gritty few know that “slowly is the fastest way to get to where you want to be.”
The same is true of countless other pursuits, too. Even pregnancy! Ten long months! Often preceded by a journey to conception! And any degree or specialization in a field — years of work, late nights, jobs at the bottom of the totem pole.
Throwing these thoughts out there if you’re feeling stuck in the middle of whatever you’re engaged in at the moment. Slowly is the fastest way to get where you want to be.
Shopping Break.
+This Saloni dress has been released in variations the past several years but I think I might have to pounce on the hot pink!
+Great Thanksgiving option. Sorry, I can’t help myself – always thinking ahead. This dress reminds me of La Ligne!
+Another great “desk sweater.” I should also mention that I often use this inexpensive sherpa fleece as my desk sweater in the winter — it’s like snuggling with a teddy bear! I bought my daughter one to match.
+Jenni Kayne is offering 20% off sitewide! People are obsessed with her cashmere cocoon sweater (and this beautiful slip dress to layer beneath). I’m lusting after her marina pullover and matching pants!
+Ayr marked down its near-iconic striped tees to $40 and its popular striped button-downs to $60! If you buy two or more tees, you get an additional 20% off. I finally used this too-good-to-be-true promo to snag a French Fry tee (in red) and Sno Cone tee in green, as they ended up being $32 and $28 respectively. And because I was a first time customer, I used code YAY15 for an additional 15% off and that basically meant I got free shipping. (I’m also obsessing over this sweatshirt-weight polo situation and was SO tempted by these barrel jeans I’ve been eyeing for a long time, but they were out of my size!)
+Minnow has marked down select swim and clothing for the long weekend! I honestly adore everything they make, but this is a great opportunity to buy some new suits for next summer — Hill has lived in these and mini has matched in this. Rash guards are also available at rare discount. (Pro tip: their oasis blue goes with nearly everything they make – a great basic. Hill wore this all summer!) I was surprised at how much wear we got out of their terry polos and shorts this summer. So cute. Just added to cart in a size up for next year, along with this dress for mini.
+J. Crew is basically never not on sale but I did just order a few things for myself using the LDW promo (30% off with LONGWKND) –these demi-boot cords in the mocha color, this slip skirt in the navy, and — because it’s my toxic trait to exclusively pick items “excluded from promo” — this cashmere short sleeved sweater I’d been eyeing for weeks.
+This one’s for the boys! Todd Snyder is offering an extra 30% off sale prices with code LABORDAY30. This is my favorite menswear store for Mr. Magpie. Try out these slim fit trousers (come in such great seasonal colors!), this gorgeous cashmere crewneck (looks SO good on gents with hazel or brown eyes — trust!), and this quilted bomber.
+Everlane has some great bargains — this boxy oxford is $52, this textured sweater is under $100, and we have organic cotton tanks for $15. Also – this crossbody is SO good and so unexpected in the moss green.
+Madewell is offering 30% off a ton of items with code LONGWEEKEND. I’ve been waiting for this SEA-like dress to go on sale…might pull the trigger, and love this burgundy SEA-inspired dress, too, for anything this fall! This reversible coat is also super cute. Also a good time to snag fall essentials like my Griff pants — order a full size down!
+My Maisonette cart is full of Maison Me pieces on sale and perfect for fall — I love these little ribbed everyday dresses, this adorable Marisol dress, this sweet sentiment sweatshirt, and this SEA-esque dress.
At 5:34 p.m. the day my daughter was born, my father wrote in an email:
Dear Emory,
Your parents have given you a lovely middle name and I wanted you to know a little bit about the wonderful woman you were named after.
Lucia D’Ianni, your great great grandmother, was born on November 27, 1889 in the small and remote mountain village of Frosolone, Italy. She was 19 when she married Donato (“Tony”) Scacciavillani (later changed to “Square”) in the beautiful Church of the Assumption in that little town on August 5, 1909. Within a few months, Tony and Lucy departed from the nearby seaport of Naples for America. They arrived at Ellis Island, outside New York City, a few weeks later and then traveled to Painesville, Ohio, where a number of other relatives had recently settled and where Tony had previously secured employment. Below [ed. note: above] is a picture of Tony and Lucy, taken shortly after their wedding and which served as their passport picture. Notice how they were gently holding on to each other. Tony and Lucy arrived with little education and even less money but built a successful and prosperous life. They lived the American dream.
Lucy was a kind, gentle and generous woman who always put the family first (“alla familia,” as she often said). Someday, when you are older, I will tell you many sweet memories I have of her when I was a little boy.
Below is a picture of my saying good bye to her as I was on my way to Vietnam in 1969.
With much love,
Grandpa
There is much to say about this transmission of family history. Some of it hinges upon the philological. Without drifting too far into the ether, I have, over the course of writing intensively for much of my life, discovered that language is one of the few ways to stop time. When I write about the past, and particularly those beloved deceased who belong to it, I am able for a moment to unstrap myself from the present. I find things lost. Sometimes these unearthings are only shadow and dust: there are details, for example, of my friend Elizabeth that have atrophied to the point of disintegration. I mourn those degradations intensely. I wish I had written them down when the grief was keener and the memory sharper. It is, I realize, a mad task, to believe that I might somehow resurrect her in her entirety through language. But it can sometimes feel that way, when I am sitting at my screen, and she appears on the page wearing my own words.
It probably comes as no surprise, then, that it brings me peace to know that my daughter carries a small ledger of family history in her name. When she was born, I thought that it would be beautiful to celebrate, linguistically, this small part of my Italian-American heritage. It mattered to me that she inherited the full name — Lucia — rather than the Americanized Lucy: it is as though her middle name carries multiple generations. It defies time and cultural erosion. And Emory could do absolutely nothing to learn about her family history, and still she will be exercising it every time she signs her name, or spells it out for someone over the phone — “L as in Larry, u as in umbrella, c as in charlie…”
Perhaps even more meaningfully, each time she draws the loop of the cursive “L,” she will be blindly reflecting my adoration for my father, who had a particular devotion to his grandmother. Truthfully, her middle name is a modest honorarium to my father’s tender heart more than anything else. I knew it would bring him some small happiness to encounter his grandmother’s name with such unexpected routineness once my daughter was born, and I made it so.
I treasure these textual gestures, hidden and not. I love that she was named after a pioneering spirit: can you imagine sailing across the ocean to permanently live in a new country you’ve never before visited at the age of 19? I have long hoped for the same bravery in my daughter, who auspiciously shows early signs of a steely will. It takes little strain to make out the lineage.
Let me also dwell for a moment on the tremendous gift of this email, which I have now printed and placed in a binder of family history I am keeping to one day pass along to my children. In it, my father paints a couple of fine-tipped details of my great-grandparents lives that we would never otherwise possess. I have been poring over a slim leaflet of heavily-photocopied family history I inherited that passes along only the scantest of information. Of my great-great-grandparents, Felice and Maria, I read that “their marriage produced nine children; one probably died as an infant” and “Maria probably survived her husband.” The conditionals plague me. It is a gift, then, to know the name of the Church in which Lucia and Donato were married; perhaps one day I will visit. But even if not, its naming is a preservation that brings me — what is it? Calm. A sense of intactness. The ability to draw up in my imagination some loose sketch of the plucky, determined Italians who planted trees under whose shade I now sit.
The email is also a bestowing of family spirit. There is, of course, reverence for the American Dream, and for dedication to family, and even an implied pride in serving one’s country, but there is also my father’s instruction to “Notice how they were gently holding on to each other.” In this imploration, he not only communicates the tender-heartedness that I treasure in him but the importance of, well, noticing. My father has made a life of observing nuance. I see this orientation living out in my siblings and I, and now my children, too. Mary Oliver summarized the ethos aptly: “To enjoy, to question—never to assume, or trample. To observe with passion, to think with patience, to live always caringly. So here I am, walking on down the sandy path, with my wild body, with the inherited devotions of curiosity and respect.” These words could have been written by, or about, my father. But they don’t need to be. I now find them encoded in transmissions like the email he sent to my daughter the day she was born, its very existence a reification. He could have saved the words for another day; he could have communicated them to me over coffee while newborn Emory was nestled in my arms. Instead, the day his granddaughter was born, he sat down at his desk, and he wrote these memories, and he scanned these pictures, and he took the time to pass on a bit of his own ethical will.
What I am saying is —
Write about your family.
When someone passes away, sit down at your desk and capture in precise language a memory. It doesn’t have to be profound, or moving, or dramatic. It could be a joke that made your aunt double over in laughter, or your cousin’s favorite turn-of-phrase, or the narrow and undecorated details of a trip to the shoe store with your grandma, or a conversation in the backyard with your next door neighbor.
Send these memories by hand to the bereaved, as though releasing paper boats into the water:
something slight and hand-formed that still, against all odds, floats.
+My favorite hairspray — holds but does not leave hair crispy. I use this on my children close to daily — the only thing that keeps my daughter’s flyaways and my son’s cowlick in check!
By: Jen Shoop
I am loving all of the knitwear out this season — so many fabulous dresses in particular. Below, I have pulled together a selection perfect for the transition into fall that range from basic layering pieces to standout statements.
BEIGE SHORT-SLEEVE MAXI DRESS WITH ADORABLE SWEETHEART NECKLINE
DEEP V-NECK POINTELLE KNIT MULTICOLOR STRIPED MIDI DRESS WITH FLUTTER SLEEVES
CORSET-INSPIRED SUPPORTIVE MIDI DRESS WITH SLIGHTLY FLARED SKIRT AND SQUARE NECKLINE — SUCH A CLASSIC, YET FLATTERING BODY HUGGING SILHOUETTE
BRIGHTLY STRIPED WRAP DRESS WITH RETRO COLLAR AND BELT DETAIL…THE SLIT IS PERFECTLY PLACED
CLASSIC HIGH-NECK SLEEVELESS COLUMN DRESS IN BLACK…A TIMELESS CLOSET STAPLE, PERFECT FOR LAYERING TOO
SUPER-SOFT CASHMERE BLEND RIBBED MIDI DRESS IN A RELAXED STRAIGHT CUT
SPECIAL MENTION: THIS GORGEOUS BUTTON FRONT LIGHTWEIGHT MAXI CARDIGAN DRESS WITH FLUTTER SLEEVES THAT INSTANTLY ELEVATES ANY OUTFIT (AND IS ON SALE FOR ALMOST HALF OFF CURRENTLY)
HIGH-NECK CROCHET-KNIT DRAPED SLEEVELESS WHITE MAXI DRESS
COLLARED RIBBED BLACK POLO DRESS FROM GABRIELA HEARST WITH FRONT BUTTON PLACKET
SHORT SLEEVE FIT AND FLARE DRESS WITH PETER PAN COLLAR IN A MUTED LIGHT BLUE — PRADA VIBES FOR UNDER $50
ORANGE BUTTON-UP LONG SLEEVE POLO MIDI DRESS IN A FORM FITTING KNEE-LENGTH CUT
FULL LENGTH LONG SLEEVE RIBBED IVORY DRESS WITH CONTRASTING BUTTONS AND COORDINATING WAIST-TIE…ANNA QUAN ALSO MAKES A SIMPLER MIDI DRESS WITH A SIMILAR SILHOUETTE
HEAVYWEIGHT OPENWORK CROCHETED MIDI DRESS IN A RAINBOW STRIPE PATTERN WITH SCALLOPED TRIM…SUCH A PLAYFUL STATEMENT PIECE, AND THE OPEN BACK IS AMAZING
*Image via High Sport — it made me stop in my tracks. People are losing their minds over this brand’s pants — there are wait lists in some boutiques.
Q: High-vamp flats or mules like Aeyde?
A: You can still find the gorgeous kitten heeled Aeydes here in most sizes — I think those would be total workhorses, as you could pair with jeans (comme ci), work trousers, or dresses. Anine Bing has a similar style on sale for a little less here. For flats, The Row popularized the high vamp moment, and for an investment, these are a big statement. Courtney Grow just launched a fabulous “inspired-by” pair that nail the vibe for much less. The velvet is so fab for fall! A bit more approachable: I love Mansur Gavriel’s dream ballerinas (which you can have painted with your initials!) and Everlane’s similar (much less expensive) day ballet flats. These Manolos are also timeless and worth consideration — not quite as dramatic on the high vamp front but still fit (and also transcend) the trend. And on the edgier side: consider French brand Marsell, Spanish brand Abra, or more of Aeyde’s options.
Q: How do you recommend styling blazers? I have several I love but can’t figure out how to make my look more current. When I put on a classic blazer, I think it looks dated.
A: I hear you! Check out some of the inspo here. Note that the vibe is slightly boxier/more oversized at the moment. But if you have great blazers already waiting in your closet that are more tailored, do not worry — those will never go out of style. I would update by pairing with a plain white tee (people love this inexpensive Uniqlo — currently on sale!; my favorites are J. Crew; and Rag and Bone has a great upgrade pick), updated denim, some layered gold jewelry (think something like this), and fresh footwear — a slightly dramatic loafer like this or this, any of the high-vamp options above, these slingback kitten heels in the black suede (upgrade pick), or splashy flats like these (more affordable variation here). A boxy crossbody bag like this would complete the look. Also do not be afraid of rolling up the sleeves of the blazer to forearm or even elbow — this really helps me “break up” a moment that feels too buttoned-up or boxy.
Q: Birthday dress for my daughter to wear on her first birthday! (in October).
A: Happy birthday, baby girl! I love something traditional like this smocked Julia Amory (mini owns this exact dress), this petal-collared romper, this diaper set or this one, or this embroidered style — if chilly, pair with a cardigan and cableknit tights or knee socks (Condor makes my favorites with the little poms, but you can get the vibe for less with these)! If you’re looking for something more casual, I love these little play dresses in the softest pima cotton (mini owns in several patterns, but it does come in a darling birthday print) — pair with white leggings and cute sneakers. Don’t forget the birthday hat!
Q: Everyday handbag, small.
A: I assume you mean shoulder bag? I shared a few great options here, but my immediate answer is the APC Grace bag or the DeMellier Vancouver. I also think this Noeus is fabulous and looks about 3x as expensive as it is. Polene also has some interesting, fashion-forward shapes.
Q: An elevated cocktail dress to wear to work functions.
A: Depending on nature of your profession (how conservative), I love this Reformation, this Ulla (or in solid black), this Zara, this Sandro, this Zara, this La Ligne, this L’Academie, this SEA, this Alemais, this Ulla, this Mille, this Cara Cara. Don’t be afraid of patterns and colors unless you are going to have to wear it night after night, in which case I’d go for the navy Ref or black Ulla because you can change out shoes and jewelry and layer with scarves for different effects.
Q: Functional but stylish closed-toe wedged for fall, ideally brown or neutral.
A: Ferragamo has a fab timeless pair — get the look for less with these, though! Personally, I love the look of lace-up Castaners as late into fall as possible. I’ve been seeing a lot of Parisiennes wearing them with jeans and blazers to great effect. No. 6 also has a pair of clog wedges that get in on the clog trend but wear like, well, a wedge that are interesting, too.
Q: Tall/riding boots.
A: These are coming back in after years of sidelining! I just took a pic of a pair in a magazine last night. I am obsessed with these Jimmy Choos and these Ann DeMeulemeesters. I also thought these Ullas were interesting and different. The big trend in tall boots ATM is Western — Khaite is the ringleader here, but you can get the look for less with these.
Q: Checked/tweedy blazers hopefully under $300.
A: I had a lot of requests for this! If you’re going for the oversized/boxy blazer trend, I’d go with this ASTR or this J. Crew and pair with light wash denim. If you’re looking for the cropped style, I would either splurge on this Ba&sh or get the look for less with Mango, which always has great options, like this solid black one or this houndstooth, or Zara, with something like this. More blazers here!
Q: NYC evening bridal shower at the Colony Club and black tie wedding in November.
Q: Chic options for light/medium weight fall jackets.
A: There are so many great quilted options out there this season that fit this exact description. My favorite is Ganni’s, but this belted style from J. Crew is fabulous, too. But my favorite statement coat I recently have come across is this gingham LR! So cute! A tweedy oversized blazer will also be a fantastic layering piece this season — over sweaters when chilly, or over tees while still transitional. For something louder, I love the patchwork trend and snagged this SEA. It’s a big statement (runs really big, FYI), but you can get the look with a bit more temperance with this The Great or this cropped SEA. Or consider this Maje, which is quilted on one side and patchwork on the other! Brilliant. Also love…
Q: A dress for my 40th birthday party on Saturday. Theme: poolside chic!
A: Happy birthday! I think these Juliet Dunn dresses are perfect for the occasion — beachy but celebratory, especially in the flamingo pink! Also great: anything CeliaB, like this or this, and this Farm Rio. A Mi Golondrina would also be perfect!
A: Sandro does great ones, like this, as do Maje, St. John, and ba&sh. My girlfriend just bought this (more of a coat than a jacket but adjacent) and SWOON! You can get a similar look with this Tuckernuck!
By: Jen Shoop
I recently posted about these fall purchases for my son (mostly basics from Gap), but wanted to share more picks as the seasons turn — nearly all of which we own!
Over the weekend, I was deeply moved by a Magpie comment that ended with:
“What helped you become more confident and happy with the stages when you seemed to be left behind compared to your friend group? And to be happy?”
We have all been there before. I particularly felt this way in my 20s, when it seemed that all of my friends were miles ahead of me career-wise — I was heading off to grad school and some of my friends were earning six figure salaries. I was living at home for a year and most of my friends were in their own apartments. Some of my friends were married and having children before I was even engaged. During those times, I learned that comparison is the thief of joy. I learned that I had to put blinders on and remember that there was a time when I was daydreaming about the reality I was then living. For example, it was a moonwalk to attend graduate school — to, for a time, have little responsibility beyond reading, writing, and showing up to a couple of discussions at Georgetown University. I’d longed for that experience and yet, while I was living it, would stymie my own happiness by comparing myself to my successful friends in finance and politics. And instead of pinching myself at the absurd good fortune of having a handsome, smart, loving boyfriend in a committed and healthy relationship, I was envying all of my friends who had shiny engagement rings. (Oh my gosh, I behaved poorly that summer.)
Think about that for a second: there was a time when you daydreamed about what you have now.
I am sitting here thinking about how long I wanted my own writing studio, how long I dreamed of having a house with a kitchen sink that overlooked the backyard, how long I pined after even the tiniest details of motherhood, like drop-offs and packing lunches and reading board books with small bodies pressed against me at nighttime. I would do well to tally these achievements on a more regular basis.
There are undoubtedly elements of your current life that you have worked hard to achieve and that you might invite yourself to take a minute to recognize. You probably do not realize this, but there are people in your life who envy those things you are now taking for granted. Maybe you get to travel a ton for work, or you have a super interesting job, or you found a fabulous apartment in a perfect location, or or or.
Relatedly, another helpful tonic when trying to toggle out of comparison mode is recognizing that everyone has her own struggles. No life is perfect or without drawback or compromise. This is perhaps a less generative or positive line of thinking, but it is nonetheless true. There have been times in my life where I have come across people who I thought “had it easy” or “had things handed to them” or simply had the most perfect setup. But I have learned, time and time again, that there is always something: an unhappy marriage, health issues, an overly demanding job, financial stress, a family tragedy, etc. Would you really trade your whole life for someone else’s? No! You are you for a reason. Do not rush: what is meant for you will happen in its own time.
These may be tough words to swallow when you feel left behind. If my rally cry does not quite assuage, a few practical tips:
+Evaluate who you are around when you feel your worst. Sometimes you need to create a little space — can be temporary, and can be perfectly amicable — for your own well-being. Gravitate instead towards friends at a more similar life stage or in a more similar lifestyle.
+If you find you have very few friends who are in your camp, strike out for new acquaintances who might be. Join a gym, a book club, an improv class, etc and proactively find women who are in a similar boat. This may mean finding friends younger than you or older than you — who cares? I had a few friends who had children earlier than the rest of us, and I observed that they found a good amount of support making friends with other new moms, almost all of whom were much older than they were. I simply could not commiserate with their experience at that time, and I totally understood why they needed a different crowd. (We are still great friends!)
+Write down all of the things you are grateful for at this moment. Glass half full.
+A Magpie reader suggested doing something you know you are uniquely good at. In other words: exercise your superpower, your talent, whatever makes you the marvel of the crowd.
+Talk to somebody you trust — could be a good friend, a parent, a sibling, a therapist, a priest! Explain how you feel. I am fairly confident you will emerge realizing how much you have going for you already.
+If all else fails, spend time in nature. It is a live model for accepting change whenever it is meant to happen. Why is that tree flowering now? Why are these banks eroding? Etc. Whenever I am feeling confused by the pace or change of my own life, I find it reassuring to sit in nature and see how gracefully she accepts what comes. I wrote elsewhere on nature: “Its woods permit the collapse of a tree and its banks accept the flood of its waters and today there will be buds and tomorrow there will be blooms and one afternoon a few months hence, those very branches will go barren. Yet all of these transitions feel perfectly harmonious, operating according to rhythms of moons and seasons and rainfalls and droughts and the occasional rot of a tree by insect or fungus. And so in nature, there are patterns to accommodate the seeming randomness.”
Onward, Magpies!
Post-Scripts.
+Another musing on nature and accepting change that might be reassuring. I love this: “Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season in which the world takes on a sparse beauty and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order. Doing these deeply unfashionable things — slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting — is a radical act now, but it’s essential.”
+Another piece of the equation: exercising genuine happiness for your friends. This might mean striving to think less competitively, or more empathetically, about what’s happening for and to them.
+We have some guests visiting and have not yet even begun to tackle the full design of the guest bedroom (we have so far to go — we are still waiting on a lot in our family room, which we began designing with our decorator in March, and it is a slow, expensive, long process…it’s going to take years before we work our way all the way up to the top floor’s guest bedroom!), so — in a pinch — I ordered these simple bedside tables in white and these lamps from Target, which could be delivered in a few days. I figure they are versatile enough to be repurposed in one of the children’s rooms if we end up going a different direction, and the lamps are too cute. They’ll flank this bed from S&L.
+Treated myself to this fall dress, on super sale. Will be adorable with suede boots or flats.
+I’ll be sharing a full Labor Day shopping guide in a few days, but had to immediately mention that Jenni Kayne will be offering 20% off sitewide, and you can get early access using code PREVIEW20. Their cashmere cocoon cardigan has a cult following, and you can snag it at a discount. I am contemplating using the promo to get the marina pants and matching sweater!
+Dramatic gray sweater. Pair with a straight-forward skirt or pair of jeans for instant flair.
+This cute white blouse is on sale — great for layering beneath sweaters, nap dresses, blazers, etc.
+Fabulous “wear now” special occasion dress (i.e., not “fall” — perfect for late summer): this Damaris Bailey.
+Meanwhile, this fall-forward $150 steal reminds me of Ulla!
+These candles have scents named after famous French landmarks! I came across this brand because I saw a Parisian influencer asking her audience what they used to launder baby clothing, and most of the French moms replied with this!
+We are finally converting mini’s bed from a toddler bed to a full bed — we are ordering her Saatva’s youth mattress. We’ve been so impressed with ours from the same brand! This time of year is a good time to buy a new mattress…usually some of the best promos of the year around Labor Day.
+Read the reviews of this under-$40 facial toner…so intrigued! I’ve tried this brand’s day cream, which also gets really good reviews, and liked it but did not lose my mind over it, in part because I hated the aluminum tube, which always cracked and squirted out product by the end.
+Chic lounge set, with each piece $80 — sweater top and pants.
+This children’s play table is perfect. Love the simple design and great colors. We have an older version of this from C&B in white that’s been in mini’s room forever. I am thinking with her “big girl bed” we will also buy her an actual desk and then move the activity table to my son’s room, which will be so fun for him. I have my sights set on this desk for mini.
By: Jen Shoop
*Image via Architectural Digest.
While Mr. Magpie and I visited New York a few weeks ago, he would not stop raving about the shower experience in our hotel. Perfect pressure, a “rain showerhead,” Malin & Goetz bath products. He must have commented on it three or four times! Since our return, I’ve been researching how we might recreate the luxury shower experience at home. Below, all my top picks…
MOEN RAIN SHOWERHEAD // HILL HOUSE BATH ROBE (THE BEST! I LIVE IN MINE! — LOOK FOR LESS WITH THIS POPULAR AMAZON STEAL) // TERRY SPA SLIPPERS // MATTE BLACK HOOKS // SHOWER SPEAKER (DID SOMEONE SAY DIDO? TIME FOR A GOOD SHOWER CRY?) // FREE STANDING TOWEL RACK // REPLENIX GLY-SAL 10/2 (REC’D BY MY DERM — THIS HAS COMPLETELY BANISHED BODY BREAKOUTS FOR ME) // WEEZIE PIPED BATH TOWEL // SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER PUMPS // KASSATEX SCALLOPED BATH MAT // BYREDO BLANCHE CREME // MATOUK AUBERGE TOWELS // TEAK SHOWER BENCH // BAMBOO BATH MAT // MOLTON BROWN BODY WASH (MR. MAGPIE AND I BOTH LOVE THIS BRAND — IT LATHERS SO BEAUTIFULLY AND HAS GREAT UNISEX SCENTS…THIS SCENT IN PARTICULAR IS WONDERFUL) // ORIBE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER
A few hero pieces to highlight…
+Oribe remains, to me, the gold standard for shampoo and conditioner. I’ve loved this brand for a decade. Most good salons use it, including my current salon — George at the Four Seasons here in D.C. (I see hair genius Ismail.) I alternate between Oribe and Pantene and completely dispense of all the mid-range/mid-price options, which are never as good as Oribe and truthfully no better (often worse than) Pantene IMO.
+Moen showerhead — this one looks incredible and Moen is a highly reputable bathroom hardware brand. This rain showerhead is about half the price and has solid reviews as well.
+Nothing says luxury like a big stack of fluffy white towels. My favorites are Matouk — I have given sets of these as gifts to countless friends. It’s my go-to housewarming gift! I also like to keep a stack of these inexpensive hand towels in my linen closet for exclusive use when washing my face (I also keep one hanging on the shower door while I’m in it in case water gets in my eyes and I need to pat my face!). I no longer fret about mascara stains, makeup stains, etc — these will, simply, be destroyed by makeup over time and replaced, but at least I’m not staining the Matouks! I have also used and loved Weezie’s towels. The main difference for me is that Weezie has a looser/higher pile (?) and I find they snag more easily than Matouks. That said, they are probably a tiny bit softer than Matouk for that reason. Both are stylish and well-made, and I love Weezie’s monogramming options.
+For a truly streamlined look, decant all bath products into these inexpensive, rust-proof pumps! Such a little thing but will for sure elevate the feel of your bathroom.
+Byredo’s Blanche cream is, in a word, heaven. OMG. I received a sample and I immediately ordered the full size. It has a heavenly, thick (but not greasy) consistency and smells like delicately perfumed laundry and open windows. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Just smelling it on my wrist right now is sending me!
