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L.A. on our minds. If you are looking for ways to help Angelenos in the midst of (in the wake of? I’m writing this hopefully a day out from publication) the wildfires this week, check out my friend Grace Atwood’s Instagram stories — she spends a lot of time in L.A. with her L.A.-based boyfriend and I found lots of ways to plug in via her feed.
***
There is a reason monochrome dressing never goes out of style: it is the lowest-lift way to look polished. This is my go-to styling trick when I am feel completely uninspired — winter whites, head-to-toe navy, etc. (Above, wearing this Kilte half-zip, marked down right now, this Rag + Bone tee, and these SLVRLAKE jeans.) But there is a fine line between neutral and boring — have you ever tried to emulate the look of those neutrals-only street style starlets and feel like you end up looking blah? Some observations I’ve made about avoiding the plain Jane trap:
01. Mix textures. I specifically like to combine cashmere or a chunky knit (something with luscious texture) with denim, silk, cotton that reads either flatter or shinier.
02. Play with different shades of a certain color to add dimension. The whites should not be identical.
03. Add contrast through accessories. Use jewelry, bags, sunglasses to add colors that read “neutral” on their own but act like exclamation points together — e.g., glossy gold; tortoise frames; etc.
Some specific outfit ideas below:
Carolyn Bessette Kennedy navy! This is an outfit versatile enough to take me from a work meeting to carpool pick up to a cocktail with Mr. Magpie. Aside: I am eyeing a new sunglass silhouette this season; do we think I can pull off the oval?! I went down a deep TikTok rabbit hole looking at women unboxing and trying on Celine triomphe oval sunglasses, and I think I can do it…! (Look for less, seen in collage below, here.)
J’ADORE a winter white look. This is probably my most-worn approach to monochrome dressing. Bonus that you can get extra wear out of white jeans across all seasons of the year.
This sleek black look is perfect for an elevated date night, fundraiser, wedding rehearsal dinner, etc. Channeling Gwyneth here. I don’t usually reach for silver jewelry but this application feels slick and modern to me. Also, can we talk about these perfect $160 heels?! We need these.
A note first — the photos of the wildfires in the California and the dispatches from those who live there or who have loved ones who do are devastating. My friend Alex Steele wrote about the experience of living close by but safe and added: “If you’re a praying person, please join me in asking your Higher Power to stay the wind, comfort the mourning, and protect the protectors,” and I’ll do just that. If you are a Magpie impacted by these fires, I am holding a space for you today.
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The other week, I took my son to Starbucks while my daughter was at her guitar lesson. We bought two hot chocolates, one for him and one for his sister, and then he insisted on waiting the entirety of the lesson so he could drink his while she was drinking hers. (Little brothers! Emory is his everything. He would cross coals for her.) Just as he went to take his first precious and now ice-cold sip, he dropped the cup and spilled it everywhere. Enormous crocodile tears spilled down his cheeks. He’d waited so patiently, and now this — ! I decided I had to go back to Starbucks to get him another. We re-entered Starbucks just at the moment in which about 4000 girls from a nearby school flooded into the shop alongside us. Suddenly, we were at the end of a long queue of teens ordering complex, enormous pink drinks and heated food orders one at a time, with only two frenzied and surly baristas to address the onslaught. We waited twenty minutes in line, and with every passing moment, my son became wigglier and wigglier. (If you have a boy around five that has been told to wait in a slow-moving line, you can imagine — he was knocking displays over with his unzipped coat, dragging his body on the floor, complaining, etc.) A well-dressed, older gentleman was directly in front of us, and I kept intercepting my son millimeters before he’d be jostled by my son’s squirms. I found myself hyper-aware of how annoying we must have been for this man waiting in line for his afternoon coffee: we were loud, I was constantly asking my son to move closer to me, or move out of the way, or be careful, I’m sure my son bumped into the man more than once, and I was chirpily trying to engage my bored son in conversation. After about fifteen minutes of this, the older man turned toward us. I found myself steeling for a complaint, or a “would you mind…?” Instead, he said: “I have two boys, but they’re now 30 and 32. I miss this age. It’s a great age. All that wonderful energy and curiosity.” And then he proceeded to play a version of hide and seek with my son, where my son would hide behind me, peeking around, and the man would give him a sly side-eye, and my son would dissolve into laughter. When he finally made it to the till, the man bought my children packages of madeleine cookies (“is this OK, mom?”) and praised them for their patience before saying, “You’re doing great, mom.”
I could have wept! The unexpected compliment, the fact that he saw that I was white-knuckling my way through the line and eased me out of it, his sweet way of making space for my children just as they are, at their current ages, his reminder that our kids are only ever this young today.
I was drawn back to something a gentleman said to me years ago when I’d just moved to New York City. The move was a botched mess: our real estate agent had made an enormous mistake in communicating timelines with us, and we’d arrived in NYC before the board of our new building had technically approved our move-in date, so we were, for a time, homeless in a new city. We had to re-route all of our possessions underway from Chicago to New York to a temporary storage unit in God-knows-where (which felt eerily similar to lighting money on fire) and scramble to find a hotel that could accommodate a large dog — not easy in Manhattan. I also had an eight month old who was still breastfeeding and not sleeping through the night, and my husband was starting a brand new job. Poor Landon. Can you imagine going to your first day of work while living out of a tiny hotel room after moving across the country, with in an uncertain housing situation and a very sleep-deprived wife? I was not a good version of myself. One morning, I strapped my daughter to myself in a carrier and went to take our 65-lb Airedale Terrier, Tilly, out for a walk in the cold. I
I took the photos in this post to capture the moment, which was…trying. Tilly was — shall we say — energized. I mean, the poor dog had been cooped up in a hotel room after a long cross-country drive — and she hated the car, would sit broodily upright in the seat as though so annoyed with us she refused to make herself comfortable — and NYC is basically a king’s ransom for a dog bred to be a ratter. (I once read you are never more than a few feet from a rat anytime you are in Manhattan. Or maybe that’s a cockroach. Probably both.) So you can imagine that I was struggling to keep Tilly in check while also concerned about being pulled into a street while wearing my baby. As I strained to make my way out the door, a man held it open for me, and said: “Let me get that for you. You have your hands and heart full, don’t you?” I’m sure every mother has been unhelpfully told, “You have your hands full!” but the twist he added at the end made me feel so seen, and reassured, and reminded of my own blessings. It completely changed my outlook that day.
What a gift, to have crossed paths with these strangers who turned out to be angels just at the moment I needed encouragement. I am thinking right now of a quote from Vonnegut:
“What made being alive almost worthwhile for me, besides music, was all the saints I met, who could be anywhere. By saints I meant people who behaved decently in a strikingly indecent society.”
I’m curious if you have any great stories of kindness at the hands of strangers? Please share below; let’s create our own canon of everyday saints.
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+Fun tweedy moment for $129 — love the unexpected, oversized cuffs! Gives it just a touch of edge/modernity.
+Veronica Beard’s sale section is incredible. You must consider their wear-forever blazers for only $209 (this, this), this “bib”-style button down, and their gorgeous preppy summer dresses for only $149 apiece. I own both this and this and they are SO flattering and classic and elegant on. I often get questions on sizing. I’m a true 0 and I usually go down to a 00 in most of their blazers and dresses. The dresses are occasionally a snug fit in the 00 so I find if it looks super narrow, I’ll go with my true size. I take my true size and sometimes a size up in the jeans/pants — I find those run much more narrow/slim.
+A great product for when you’re in between manicures / don’t have time for a manicure. Impossible to screw up but just make your nails look finished/clean.
+My favorite organization tools: these bins, which are in every cabinet and closet in my home (the large is somehow the perfect size for everything – pantry, laundry room, beauty, gloves, etc), and these shallow trays which are in every drawer and medicine cabinet. I just bought this hat organizer for my closet as a solution — previously, had been jamming my ballcaps into a bag and kept forgetting about the ones at the bottom!
+OK, changed my mind on this Tula eye balm stick. I’ve always loved the application style (so easy — I know it’s not, like, taxing to dip your finger into a pod of eye cream, but this just feels effortless?) but at first felt like it didn’t slick on easily enough / wasn’t hydrating enough. I now think I just had to get through the top layer and now it glides so beautifully and I LOVE IT. Great for the winter — heavy hydration. Strongly rec.
+A Magpie reader wrote to share she’d just gotten a new job, and asked what she should treat herself to! I suggested a fabulous work bag big enough for a laptop. I lovethis Bottega and this Metier. Quince has an incredible look for less for the Metier for $149 (versus $2,450). Finally, this chic Toteme tote is under $500 here!
+Reminder that this collagen-generating skin gadget is still 20% off, but only for a few more days. I think collagen is the through-line between a lot of the wrinkle-reducing products I’m testing.
+Loving my Inuikii boots during this cold, snowy week! You can get the look for less with these from H&M, and Saks has a few styles in very limited sizing on super sale here.
+The holidays were so indulgent, and then we were flying by the seat of our pants this entire week since our kids were unexpectedly out of school for 3/5 days this week thanks to snow, so I scheduled Sakara to be delivered for three breakfasts/lunches next week. I could use the reset (and the lack of decision making around what to eat). Try code JENSHOOP – I think it still gets you 20% off. They also have a new detox option if you’re into those kinds of things and wanting to do a full reset.
+After I mentioned this $28 vitamin c product, so many of you wrote to say it’s among your secret “beauty heroes.” It really is a great value for a fantastic product – I think it’s just as effective as products multiple times its price.
By: Jen Shoop
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OMG! I did not know until today that Ann Mashburn runs sales twice a year, and their first of 2025 is now live. If you’ve been following for the past few months, you’ll know that Ann Mashburn has recently become one of my favorite brands — elegant, sophisticated, beautifully made. These pieces have legs. I know I’ll wear for decades! I am especially in love with their iconic shirtdresses; the exact one I own, seen above, is now 30% off. It is even more spectacular IRL — I was stopped twice the first time I wore it. The colors, the draping, the material! Also available on sale (for even less) in a Liberty print. I’m currently sitting here with this beyond chic wool gray dress in my cart. So fabulous with a suede boot and a chunky knit around the shoulders. This dress reminds me of Grace Kelly.
Unrelated to Ann Mashburn, but I keep coming back to two investments I’m kind of wanting to make this month: Celine Triomphe Oval sunglasses and this Toteme bag (on sale for under $500!). I keep going back and forth on the Toteme tote because I have been wanting to invest in a Celine tote or bucket bag for a long time…and this just seems like a middle step that will defer that purchase. But the price, and the style! So chic. Meanwhile, can I pull off an oval shaped pair of sunglasses?!
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I have been thinking a lot lately about fractionality and its virtues. Last week, Mr. Magpie mentioned the concept of a “fractional CMO/CFO” — the idea is that you pay a tenured, likely retired, executive a fraction of her annualized salary for a few hours of strategy and counsel each month. You might not be able to afford the full-time commitment of an experienced CMO or CFO for your small business, but you can get something. And something is better than nothing. In just a few hours of consultation, she might point your nose in the right direction; she might offer the prized introduction you’d never have scored on your own; or she might help you shortcut your way through a learning process by referencing her battle scarred ledger. My point is that we can’t let perfect be the enemy of good enough. I’ve been carrying this insight with me everywhere. Has this ever happened to you: you finally work up the begrudging energy to exercise, and you hate every minute of it? It’s an unsatisfying session: your body and mind riot against your every movement; you skip the final abs section; you scowl into your sweaty towel. But the truth is, you did more than you think. Some exercise is better than no exercise. A middling effort is better than zero effort. So, like, shed that perfectionism!
Let me also propose the concept of a fractional date. A midday lunch, a thirty minute errand, an hour of quiet conversation while your thirteen year old niece plays a card game with the little ones in the basement. I myself went on two dates with Landon last week. Neither were planned or exotic – I simply got to a point in the holidays where I thought some time alone would be restorative, asked our teenage neighbor if she was available, and off we went for happy hour cocktails, 10 minutes from our home, twice in a week. We didn’t have reservations; we didn’t stay for dinner. We were just two tired and mainly happy parents sitting at a bar, letting our hearts spill out over cocktails.
This is the truth: love doesn’t fret over the furnishings. Connection can happen anywhere. The magic of a marriage will show itself in a parking lot, in a hospital room, in a medium bar with medium drinks, in the dim light of a midnight nursery with a crying newborn. Life, and love, are happening right now, in the imperfect present. This is all we can safely say we have: today, with its bad timing and its broken dishwasher and its hint of an incoming cold. Today, with its Invisalign trays and unfinished housework. Today, with the people we love as they are right now.
Which is to say: call the sitter, make the date. Put your love first.
+I know Warby Parker has been around forever but I was just looking for some chicer glasses options than my optometrist offers and I realized they now have filters for “extra narrow faces” and you can even do a virtual try-on on their site! I am going to order these! (I only wear my glasses during the 10-20 minutes after I’ve washed my face but before I totally wind down for bed, so this is a nominal time but why not have a cute pair?)
+These trousers remind me a lot of La Ligne’s Colbys, but come in petite lengths and are more wallet-friendly.
+My kids would love these Valentine’s Day decorate-yourself mailboxes!
+Appointed sent me an acrylic stand with calendar cards this year (now sold out, sorry – they do still have their wall calendar, and/or this is similar, and my girlfriend Inslee illustrates the most spectacular ones each year, too) and I can’t believe how often I use it. Like, hourly? I swear I’m constantly trying to schedule things / quickly get a sense of which day is what, and it’s such a helpful cue! I’ve also been crossing out the days on which I exercise (even if it’s “a fractional workout,” ha), which has been strangely satisfying. Strongly rec!
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Exactly what I want to be wearing right now, styled into a few different looks. I am really lusting after a pair of Le Monde Beryl Regency flats (seen above, bottom left), but I found the BEST look for less this week here!
The children are happy and healthy, and still willing to climb into my arms;
There is bonus coffee downstairs;
The only thing between me and my goals is effort;
My mother is a phone call way;
The sun will rise tomorrow, and the trees outside my studio window will dance in its rays while I work, and the redbirds in our yard will visit their branches, and I will continuously remember how immaterial my worries are in the face of these generosities;
Mr. Magpie will fold me wordlessly into his arms when I go to him;
and today is not the final draft.
Post-Scripts.
+This post started as a quick note on my iPhone (screenshotted below). I needed a little extra oomph to help me get into the ambitious fitness and writing routines I’d set for myself this month. I realized after I began expanding on it that the list was, formula-wise, a subconscious riff on this poem by Thich Nhat Hanh, which I wrote about previously here. Publishing the good news! Amen!
+New colors available for these chic, practical kitchen chairs. (We learned the hard way about upholstered dining chairs and small children.) Love the unexpected green! 20% off and free ship right now. Also love this simple bobble-base tea table (also 20% off and free ship). We have been waiting patiently for our Oomph tini table to come (to the tune of 24-28 weeks in production time…) but this would be very chic and quicker to arrive. This one is also really fun and more similar to Oomph — the quatrefoil shape of course reminds me of Van Cleef and Arpels!
+The Mother Science moisturizer I was raving about yesterday launched!
+Found my Varley longline fleece 25% off here! This is such a great piece because it covers the rear in leggings but cinches at the waist for a flattering silhouette.
+Micro-mini new year’s resolution: I WILL wash my makeup brushes more routinely, using this cleaner. Just created a recurring calendar invite to remind myself! (All my favorite makeup brushes here.)
+New popcorn bowl for my popcorn addiction. (Importantly, it’s melamine so my kids can enjoy it on the couch!)
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I’ve mentioned this a couple of times in the past few months, but I have been doubling down on moisture for my skin ever since I had a facialist tell me (much to my surprise) that my skin was dry! I honestly had no idea — it’s not flakey or red or anything, just runs dry. I’ve tried probably a dozen moisturizers over the past few months, and these are my absolute favorites:
01. InnBeauty Extreme Cream — Mr. Magpie and I both love this and for most of the summer and fall I used this as my daily moisturizer (currently using The Outset, mentioned below, but will definitely toggle back to this in future months). Don’t let the slightly garish packaging put you off; I was initially deterred by the marketing because it read very “Gen Z” or younger to me (sorry, but it’s true!), but this is an excellent daily moisturizer. It’s very similar to Augustinus Bader, which I’ve also tested in the past — Bader is a great moisturizer but I just couldn’t get over the price tag especially when I find InnBeauty so similar. InnBeauty might be a tad more oily / unctuous / heavy than Bader but overall a similar product. Deeply hydrating, almost has an oil-gel-like feeling when applying, scentless. Mr. Magpie says it’s like “wearing a filter” because it makes your skin glow.
02. UBeauty Super Hydrator (seen above) — A Magpie once wrote to say she had a makeup artist do her makeup for her wedding, and she ran off to apply this before they got started, and the artist was absolutely shocked at what it did to her skin and begged to know the product. I think about that random anecdote every time I apply this. It leaves your skin so plump and glossy! I don’t think this hydrates skin as thoroughly as InnBeauty but it leaves the top layer of your skin looking like a glazed donut. It also works beautifully beneath makeup IMO.
03. The Outset Nourishing Squalane Moisturizer* — The week before Christmas, I simplified my morning and evening skincare routine to The Outset’s three-step micellar gel cleanser, collagen serum, and squalane moisturizer (sold as a bundle here). This is ScarJo’s brand and she swears it is all she uses on her face. I am very impressed, and very happy. It’s a very gentle, nourishing sequence, which appealed to me because I am now using the LED mask (several weeks in, I’m a believer in this) and Dr. Dennis Gross peels in a strict regimen and want to otherwise keep my skincare simple. (I do, though, layer on extra moisture after the three step process.). I really love the moisturizer. This is a great product if you want something simple, clean, gentle — it’s much lighter than moisturizers one and two above but does a fantastic job all the same. Not as heavy but absorbs invisibly and really seals in moisture.
04. Mother Science Molecular Genesis Moisturizer. Technically I’m not supposed to share this until tomorrow but giving you an early scoop – this incredible moisturizer will be released tomorrow but I’ve been using as the last layer in my moisture routine for several weeks now and am completely obsessed. It’s thicker than the previous three moisturizers, and is clinically proven to “effectively repair the skin barrier for dramatic smoothing, firming and hydration of the skin.” I cannot stop touching my skin, which I know is terrible, but it is SO unbelievably soft and conditioned thanks to this moisturizer. I use in the AM after Vitamin C and the Outset trio, and in the PM after the Outset trio and a layer of this facial oil. It is so rich and soothing. I love the way it feels like you’re sealing in all the goodness. Huge fan!
Runners up: I use these final three items more sparingly / specifically, but I really appreciate both of them for specific use cases.
+The first is Rhode’s Glazing Milk, which I use like a primer right before I apply makeup on most days. My process is often vitamin C, The Outset trio, and the Mother Science moisturizer, and then I make breakfast, work out, etc, and apply this just before putting on makeup. It’s more of a fluid but it really feels like it “sets” your skin for makeup, and evens out the canvas.
+The second item is Ursa Major’s Alpine Rich Cream which I use when I’m feeling super dry and/or sometimes apply as the last layer before bed, almost like a sleeping mask. If you need something super heavy, this is the Mac Daddy. Thick, rich, deeply hydrating.
+The third item is Dr. Dennis Gross’s Blur + Repair Cream. This has such a beautiful, almost whipped, texture and sometimes I’ll apply before redoing makeup in the evening or even as a top layer over makeup to sort of refresh things if I don’t feel like redoing everything. It’s a beautiful product but I find I prioritize 1-4 as daily moisturizers and will use this more sporadically. I do think it creates a halo-like or filter-like effect on your skin, blurring imperfections.
Related note: my favorite eye cream remains UBeauty. I know, it’s $$, but nothing else compares to how it hydrates non-greasily. When my eyes are puffy (or when I’m traveling and short on space), I love the $20 caffeine eye cream from BeYou. Totally incredible for depuffing. Recently, I have been using the Tula stick recently, and I do love the application style (so easy to swipe on) but I don’t find it’s quite as hydrating.
What about you? What are your favorite moisturizers?
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In The Comfort of Crows, Margaret Renkl shares a new year’s tradition in which she treats the first bird she sees each year as an augur of things to come. I’d loved the premise the moment I read about it: birds as texts. Birds as signs. The natural world in general as a mirror, or model, for navigating life — which is to say for navigating change — with grace. I made a mental note to participate in the tradition at the dawn of 2025, but in the post-holiday, mid-head-cold haze, I forgot about it until I woke up in the middle of the night on January third to the sound of a vixen screech outside my window. Foxes. We have a family of them that I believe live in the dense thicket of trees and brush at the perimeter of our property, though we have neighbors who think they live elsewhere; they certainly make their way around. Or maybe there are multiple families of them that we confuse for one another. All I know is that we regularly see one trot straight up our driveway in his magnificent coat on his delicate feet from somewhere in our backyard in the early morning, and make a left hand turn into our neighbors’ yard, which has a hot tub, and so we joke that the fox is taking his morning dip. We see that fox (or maybe a member of that fox family) frequently enough that we’ve named him “Frederick,” and one of the Glamsquad hair stylists who often does my hair calls my house “the fox house,” because she’s crossed paths with Frederick (or his doppelganger) twice while visiting.
So maybe the fox is my avatar for the year. And what can I learn from them? The first observation that suggested itself: these foxes didn’t always live here; we’ve only noticed them regularly for the past year. My suspicion is that they found the food supply here plentiful and settled in for the long haul. In the spring, our neighborhood is absolutely overrun by cottontail rabbits, which I’ve learned are the preferred repast of the American red fox. So they are an opportunistic species, moving where they’ll be best-nurtured, or where their likelihood of success is high. And they are also resilient: they will adopt an omnivorous diet when they need to. Just this morning, two days after the midnight vixen call, my daughter called us from the front living room: “Frederick is outside, and there’s another fox with him!” We watched from our window. The littler one (bigger than a kit, but small? a female? the female that was screaming outside my window?) was chewing on the branch of the plantings that attract unbelievable numbers of pollinators in the warm months in the front of our yard. Maybe she was hungry, and the plant was breakfast.
I watched the fox and thought: this year, how might I put myself in places that are likely to nurture me? How might I let go of unnecessary patterns in order to prioritize my own well-being, my own likelihood of success?
What is the first bird or animal you crossed paths with this year? How can you read it as a symbol of, or herald for, 2025?
*Above photo is terrible — you can see my reflection in it! — and was taken in warmer months, but still. Frederick in action in our front yard!
+I just recently learned that Rent the Runway has a fairly extensive resale section. You do not need to be a member / have a subscription to purchase from the resale section, and you can find insane deals on styles from seasons past, like this adorable BA&SH cardigan I just bought ($85, plus use code LOVE2HAVE for 15% off) or this Veronica Beard wool toggle jacket for $80. Note that these are pre-worn pieces, sort of like on The Real Real, but potentially with even fewer wears. I also think this might be a good spot to ferret out statement dresses you might only wear a handful of times. Love this Alemais dress for a winter getaway, and feels more reasonable at $225! They even have handbags from APC!
+I’ve been wearing this lip tint oil a lot the past week — I have it in the hope color and it is SO pretty. Hillary Kerr described it perfectly this week (and I agree with her enthusiastic review): “It’s not as intensely pigmented as the liquid blush, but it’s really buildable and the texture never feels sticky. It kind of melts into your lips, but the hydration part really lingers, in a stain-like way, but without the drying that normally comes with a stain.”
+Just noticed this sleek portable speaker is on sale. We have a different brand of portable speaker (WonderBoom) and use it ALL THE TIME but dare I say the Bose is slightly more aesthetically pleasing? (And given my obsession with Bose’s ultra open earbuds, I am inclined to trust the quality!) Just toss in your bag for the beach, for a picnic, when traveling (we always bring when we’ll be staying in an AirBnB!), when gardening, when dining al fresco, etc. They also have a micro size on sale that would be good for camping, hiking, times when you need to pack light.
+Speaking of camping/hiking, did I tell you that Mr. Magpie and I — completely without arrangement — individually bought one another two Helinox chairs for Christmas?! Now we have a complete set of four, one for each family member, so it turned out great. He bought two of the zeros (ultra lightweight) and I bought two of the ones (a little heavier but more comfortable and sturdy, based on reviews). We now keep them in the trunk of our car! I actually have a specific vision for these chairs. I’ve long wanted to hike the trail between Aspen and Crested Butte and the zeros are definitely lightweight enough to pack for the trek! Hoping to accomplish this in 2026.
+Speaking of trunks (ha), can I remind you that this Thule organizer is THE BEST THING? We still talk about how much we love it routinely, and we have had it for a full year! There are of course lots of cheaper organizers on the market but this one collapses flat and is somehow the perfect dimensions for literally whatever you need. It somehow holds everything snugly and securely. Specifically, great for groceries.
+I had always wanted to try these Tula eye balms and just got my hands on a stick of the power swipe. I have to say the applicator is very compelling. It’s not like it’s a huge lift to dab on eye cream but something about being able to apply it directly to your undereye with a quick swipe feels very easy. I also picked up this 24-7 moisture intense cream. You would not believe how many layers of moisturizer I have been applying daily, and I still feel like my skin drinks it up thirstily.
+Just a reminder that the Newa is still 20% off, and Emese Gormley has raved about it.
“Why not end here, without answers? Aren’t there chance meetings in every life that don’t play out, stories that seem meant to remain ghostly, as faint and fleeting as the reflection of a face on the window of a bus?”
-Stuart Dybek
This sentiment has been a prevalent motif in the past few years of my life: not everything resolves to a fine point. True in relationships, true in business, true in the occasionally wounding ways of the world, true in the unending complexity and contradictoriness of people. But I was thinking of this especially when I ran into an acquaintance dining out by chance at the same restaurant as Mr. Magpie and I last week. We exchanged pleasantries, caught up on how the holidays went, and then she grabbed my hand and told me that she’d had a terrible fluke accident where she’d tripped down the steps in her home and punctured a lung. She hadn’t realized the severity of the incident until hours later, when, still in pain, she found herself unable to breathe, and immediately went to the hospital, where she subsequently spent the days leading up to Christmas while her husband attempted to keep the magic of Christmas alive on his own for their four children. We joked about men wrapping gifts, the pomp and circumstance of the entire holiday, how much there is to do — and then I told her, somewhat tentatively, as we aren’t close friends:
“I had a freak accident, too, a few years ago. I tripped on a rug in my apartment while pregnant with my son and split my head open. I ended up needed ten stitches right down the center of my forehead. I don’t know if you’re like me, but I spiraled for awhile about this. I kept thinking, What does it mean? Is the universe telling me something? Did I deserve this? And, I just want you to know, that sometimes random bad things happen. They just just happen. And they’re not your fault or a sign from the universe except for maybe a gentle nudge to slow down.”
I don’t know how much of this she took on board; I could see she was still in those early, tender days after something disruptive happens where you’re just wanting to reacclimate, move on from the piquancy, resume the normal. (About a year ago, I was catching up with a high school classmate who’d also succumbed to a weird incident — a stray hockey puck struck her while at a Caps game and she ended up needing multiple stitches across her scalp! I saw her just after the incident, and could tell she was still shaken up about it, still in that early phase of processing and desperately wanting to put it all behind her.)
So I don’t know if I helped either of those women in any immediate sense, but I want to put this energy out into the world because back when I was navel gazing and wringing my hands over my own incident, groping for guilt, or puzzling over what my comeuppance meant, a Magpie reader wrote me to say:
“Sometimes bad things just happen.”
And I fought militantly against that phrase. I’m by nature drawn to plotting the asterisms. I have been trained, rigorously, in both college and graduate school English programs, to track the patterns in order to derive meaning from a text. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. And as a Catholic I am a consequentialist, more or less in constant company with guilt.
But I think sometimes these fluke accidents do just happen, and we can’t permit ourselves to attach too much meaning to them, or we begin to lose faith in the goodness of the world, and we harden our hearts. One of the big adjustments to adult life is acknowledging the fair world fallacy — that bad things happen to good people, and vice versa — and finding ways to not let this beat out the good news of the world.
Does this fit neatly with my broader belief that everything happens in its own time, and that what’s meant for you will not miss you? Absolutely not. The puzzle pieces refuse to nest. But maybe life is this way, you know? Maybe I can keep the “everything happens for a reason” sentiment up on the marquee but still permit a few side showings in which the opposite is true: that some things mean nothing, or are not worth the time and energy of assigning them meaning.
Not everything is going to resolve perfectly. (“Why not end here, without answers?”) We are not living out a math problem; we are in the wilderness of lived experience. Just last week, I was reading Mary Oliver’s Rules of the Dance, which is a fairly rigorous review of poetic scansion, meter, form, etc. She makes the point multiple times that there are rules, but that there are also ambiguities in those rules, and that two different scholars might scan the same poem in slightly different and yet legitimate ways. And what’s more, they might change their readings over time. Somehow this reassured me in the most granular way. We are going to change, and our interpretations of the rules will change, and that’s OK, because what we’re after in the end is just a life well and fully and artfully lived. Everything in service of that core, that giving center.
Sunday Shopping Poetry.
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+MEASURING A DAY / A WEEK / A YEAR: When you reached the end of 2024, how did you measure the year? What inputs went into determining whether it was a year that asked or answered, whether you were happy, whether you achieved what you had hoped, whether it was, writ large, a good or bad year? Two quotes this week really got me thinking along these lines, via Sophie Joan Short and Olivia Ann Rose:
What if we measure a year by how much time we spend with people we love? Or what if we measured it by degree of presence versus productivity? You know how there are those “goal tracking” notecards / graphs where you can indicate whether you achieved your goal each day, e.g., “drank 1 gallon water,” “exercised,” “wrote 250 words,” etc? What if the goals were “spent meaningful time with someone I love,” and “stopped what I was doing to really pay attention”? I would do well to audit my days against these rubrics. This is hitting me hard today because now, on the 13th day of my children being out of school, when I am trying to find ways to get some writing and work done, my son is sitting at my feet, begging me to play the board game he just created, complete with “pawns” marked “mama,” “dada,” “Emory,” and “Hill.” I am desperate to carve out just a few hours of quiet work, and yet. He will be back in school Monday (ha, Mother Nature is suggesting otherwise – we are expecting several inches of snow and I anticipate school will be canceled), and the opportunity to sit and play his game will have evaporated into thin air.
+LIVING OUT CONFUSIONS: Stirred by this quote from Anais Nin: “You live out the confusions until they become clear.” This past year, I had a number of different breakthroughs — in writing, in business, in relationships — and I was struck by the fact that the “answer” or “the path forward” had seemed completely obfuscated to me for months (sometimes years), and suddenly, the mist had drawn back. This was particularly true in a relationship that was causing me a lot of pain. I was so deep in it, I couldn’t see anything rightside up. It took an enormous act of strength to lever myself out. But I think a lot of important things take a long time to resolve, or to manifest, and we must be patient in working through haze for a long while. I had a younger creative reach out to me and ask “how did you grow your following?” and I had nothing material to offer her — just that I show up every day with the belief that what I am creating feels in some way essential to get out there, into the world, whether just for myself or perhaps because it might resonate with someone else rowing a narrow strait, and that I must try (and often fail) in dozens of ways. But the art, the thing, the joy in creating, comes first. I know there are other creatives who have catapulted to success and perhaps they are better suited to answer the question more pithily. But for me, it’s been a slow and steady dance. I have had to take the long view. I have lived through decades of confusions! Onward!
+EYEING + BUYING: The main thing on my radar — KBeauty! I’m late to this entire world but polled Magpies via Instagram for a few favorites. The top, top vote was Beauty of Joseon daily SPF — dozens of Magpies swear by this. Other common responses: Mixsoon Hyaluronic Acid and anything Incellderm, but especially the cleanser and oil mist. You can find all my latest beauty discoveries here.
