Even still, several months into a determined mission to lead with sincerity in my interactions with other parents, neighbors, friends, acquaintances, I find myself “in mask” in certain situations. Small, inch-wide win: I am catching myself earlier. I can feel myself slipping into pose and interrupt. Sister thoughts to that awareness: I draw up the Colorado woman; I ask myself what my salt-of-the-earth sister-in-law would do. Be herself; stand still in her center. I try then to shed the posturing. Specific examples: parents complaining about aspects of school (this is of course healthy and normal but can feel like sport in certain hands); the endless competitiveness about children; the ease of pessimism in general. Philosophically, these do not interest me but I find the tidal pull tremendous when I am socializing. How to be the reed holding its shape?
Scattershot thoughts: I don’t want to let this mission dull me into some sort of bland neutral. We should never be beige in all things. It is OK to agree that xyz rule is absurd, that abc situation is a mess. It is healthy to let out the steam, to emote around stressors shared with fellow community members. The goal is not to play Pollyanna but to offer something earnest when it matters instead of going with the conversational flow. The goal is to stay true to self.
I have been thinking heavily on this topic because — about six months ago — I found myself waking in the middle of the night in fits of self-reproach. I’d replay moments from social interactions and think: “Why would you have said that?” “What were you thinking?!” I would then wake in the morning largely unbothered. (“…why was I so worried about that at 3 am?”) Everything looked better at dawn. I have since learned this is a lovely symptom of perimenopause: fitful sleeping, sliver-like anxieties emerging at midnight. Knowing that this routine was largely driven by hormones took a lot of the bite out of those midnight wake-ups. I was able to say “no, you’re not doing anything wrong; it’s just your hormones running amok.” And usually this was enough of a doorstop that I could read something light and fall back asleep versus stewing in my sweaty sheets. Still, the midnight wake-ups led me to think carefully about my interactions with other people. How can I stay truer to myself, even in the narrowest of exchanges? Those older sister models — a neighbor I look up to, my SIL, the Colorado woman — have been my rescue. Paradigms of good; women of substance. I call on them like a prayer.
Who are yours, I wonder? The “big sister figures” you turn to in your thoughts, you strive to be? These are lighthouse women. They make clear the path, don’t they?
Sunday Shopping Break.
This week, I hit pause and spent a morning at the spa with my mom. It was just what I needed; I felt like a new woman. I moved more slowly, took up more space in my day. I can’t recommend it more as we head into the harried holiday months. And it doesn’t have to be a spa — it could be a pedicure; a reading date at a coffee shop; a walk through your neighborhood; a leisurely lunch for one. (Yes, you do you have the time! — something I tell myself all the time when I’m in sprint mode. Slow down; you can claim a little pocket of time to yourself.)
I’ve been thinking about this concept as it pertains to the objects and rituals in my daily life — what am I inviting into my life by virtue of what I surround myself with? Everything on my desk in my studio is very intentional: everything is arranged to inspire me and invite rich, generative thinking. Similarly, everything on my nightstand is oriented toward sleep and the self-care that accompanies it. Sharing a few finds in this vein below, many of which would make exceptional gifts…
+My LED Mask! I write more about this below, but it’s currently on sale for 20% off with code JEN10!! This only happens once a year! I’m currently loving the ritual of taking 10 minutes after my workout and shower to lay in bed (above the sheets, beneath the comforter) in my towel to wear this mask and listen to an audiobook.
+This chic and well-priced boucle chair! I just ordered this for our primary bedroom. I mentioned this recently, but our bedroom has been “the last frontier” of decorating since we moved — we’ve prioritized common areas, but I mean — we spend so much time in our bedroom! It needed some love. We recently added this gorgeous rug (extremely impressed with the quality) and now have this chair going in the corner. I love the soft, cozy vibe it affords. I also just swapped out our white duvet cover for this cozy flannel and am obsessed. It’s 40% off. We still use crisp white sheets beneath — I feel like I’d sweat too much in flannel sheets.
+Bombas is 25% off sitewide! I just got myself these lodge socks. Hygge mode activated. I also picked up some socks for my kids for their stockings — how cute are these? And I know people love their sherpa slippers. Could be a gift for a teen girl, sister, etc!
+Ummmm Varley needs to stop with its new releases. How chic is this knit puffer?! While we’re talking cozy, I cannot rave more about the Negative whipped long-sleeve. As you know, I’m obsessed with this entire line (loveee the whipped track pant – go up a size – and the whipped boy shorts are SO expensive but always the first I reach for in my underwear drawer), but I just got my paws on one of their long-sleeves and…I didn’t take it off for a full 48 hours. Is that disgusting or what? But it is insanely soft – you can wear it to sleep, it layers beneath knits perfectly, it is truly second skin. I feel like people talk about “second skin” all the time but this stuff is this soft, stretchy perfection that just makes you feel held!
+On the beauty front: Elemis is offering 30% off sitewide, plus a free gift with purchase. I know I’m a broken record but couldn’t live without their cleansing balm. Just melts the day off. It’s the first step in my “wind-down” routine at night. I prefer the luxe rose scent. They also have some good kit deals. I love to treat my future self to a pre-stocked toiletry case for my next travel!
+Meanwhile, has anyone tried Colleen Rothschild? A friend of mine was just talking about this brand and specifically mentioned their tinted luminizing eye cream. (I was telling her that I’ve more or less stopped using eye creams and use eye masks instead most days, and she said she thinks this stuff is worth it.) Any other favorites? I was reading about them a little and apparently these pads are also a bestseller.
+Lil reminder that my beloved Hatch Restore is $30 off! Of all the items on this list, this is probably my top rec for a regrettably worth it purchase.
+My favorite notebooks ever. Weirdly (?) just looking at them brings me a sense of calm. I keep so much of myself in those notebooks! And I love the brass binding and cloth cover. Great White Elephant gift. Bundle with these cool brass page markers!
LED MASK (20% OFF WITH JEN10) // BOUCLE CHAIR // VARLEY PUFFER // BOMBAS SOCKS (25% OFF) // NEGATIVE WHIPPED CREWNECK // COLLEEN ROTHSCHILD EYE CREAM // ELEMIS CLEANSING BALM (30% OFF) // HATCH RESTORE ($30 OFF) // FLANNEL DUVET (40% OFF) // APPOINTED NOTEBOOKS AND BRASS PAGE MARKERS
CurrentBody LED Mask Sale.
Thank you CurrentBody for sponsoring this segment of the post.
CurrentBody is currently offering its deepest discount of the year: 20% off all devices with code JEN10! This discount will not be available again for a full year (!), and it includes their series 2 and neck bundle (already a saving of $248!). I’ve written several times about how much I love this device; when I am consistent with its use, my skin is clearer, happier, brighter. I notice a big difference in the overall evenness and clarity of my skin, and in the fine lines around my eyes. This is a fantastic opportunity to invest if you’ve been waiting, and the timing couldn’t be better IMO: introducing the mask to your everyday routine is perfect for this season, when we are prone to set aside wellness and self-care rituals in favor of the rush and thrill of the holiday. I treasure the ritual of spending 10 minutes on myself in the morning. I know some women will fold laundry or handle admin while wearing, but I like to use it as a time to pause and rest after I’ve exercised and showered; sometimes I’ll read with it on; sometimes I’ll listen to a meditation or audiobook; sometimes I’ll let myself laze in bed beneath blankets and scroll Instagram (feels deliciously permissive, but I’m actually taking care of my skin at the same time!)
As a refresh, the CurrentBody mask emits three clinically-recognized wavelengths for anti-aging; each wavelength penetrates to different depths in the skin for different results. I have both the series 2 mask (larger and covers more of your face, more comfortable, more powerful) and the neck mask, and wear them simultaneously; they are currently available as a bundle, and you can stack the 20% off code – JEN10 – on top! BTW, random things I wondered about before using: the lights do not mess with your vision; you can have them open the entire time. And the mask does not hurt or heat in anyway.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
My son is a college student now but if I had to repeat the difficult, judgey social interactions and competitiveness about kids I would develop a catch phrase such as “it’s so hard, isn’t it?” and then immediately change the subject or walk away. These things do feel so fraught in the moment –
I love this – it actually reminds me of something another Magpie shared awhile back: whenever she’s listening to someone talk about his/her job, she says: “That sounds so hard!” I think people want to be seen in their striving!! xx
I’ve been talking with my girlfriends about the same thing, some of us (people pleasers all) have a tendency to get swept away in the conversational tides, and then kick ourselves later for not being true to self! Or for oversharing, or something like that. Something about the weird alchemy of school pickup brings it out in us! And we’re trying to curb that impulse, or get over the need to have every person like us. It’s a bit cliquey, and there’s definitely some who exclude or turn their backs rather than include.
I’m okay with the fact I’m an open book, I don’t know how to be less transparent than I am, but I am trying hard not to force an interaction, to be okay with silence or a friendly nod.
Working on those exact same things!! Thanks for the solidarity —
xx