Before I had Emory, but when I was very much longing for a child, I remember observing pregnant women going about their business — selecting apples in the produce aisle, returning books to the library — and wondering how on earth they could manage the everyday while waiting for their universes to dramatically change at any moment. It seemed impossible to me that you might be tasked with the banalities of routine dental care and waiting in line for prescription refills while your life was a blinking cursor.
Then I, too, was pregnant, and I realized that life just continues. What other option is there? You can’t possibly spend an entire pregnancy — or an entire period of any kind of waiting — thinking about the enormous, inexorable pull of what’s about to happen. I’m sure there’s some psychological explanation for this, the intellectual/emotional analog for the body’s sensory gating (i.e., the means by which our brains constantly filter physical sensations to prevent sensory overload — this is why we don’t notice, for example, the feeling of our clothes on us at every moment). But I remember thinking, as I loaded my shopping cart and filled my car with gas, “Aha! Now it’s my turn, and my life is continuing. Life finds a way.” Of course, there were moments of excruciating impatience — nine months can feel like an eternity — but now I think back and see maybe I was beginning to cultivate the essential parenting skill of waiting. Waiting for the contractions; waiting for the baby to wake from her strangely long nap; waiting for the toddler to tie his shoes; waiting in the carpool line; etc. Waiting, and I have written about this before, is one of the softest forms of love.
Things changed in the week leading up to Emory’s scheduled c-section. Those days were intense, almost agonizing to move through. As still and thick as a D.C. August afternoon. I felt like Ricky Bobby in “Talladega Nights,” in that scene (skip to minute 2:50) where he goes on camera and realizes he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. I remember vacuuming the living room a hundred times (the nesting instinct is real), wandering around our house in a state of distracted impatience. I mean, what do you do the day before you are about to meet the assured love of your life? It all seems so immaterial, or maybe — just too small for the moment. I felt like there should be formalities, or speeches, or red carpets, and instead it was just: “do you want to order from the Cuban place for lunch?” and shuffling to the bathroom for the millionth time.
I was thinking about all of this because I so often write about the beauty and meaning we can find in the everyday if we slow down and notice its finest-grained details. Almost like mind-body connection when you’re weight-lifting: if you actually think about the muscle you’re exercising while you’re using it, you can physically feel a change. (I notice this especially with any scapular exercise — I really have to focus my mind on exercising the back muscles versus the arm ones, and I can feel the difference. The back body is much more fatigued at the end. It’s wild!) The same is true of laminating my daily routine with care and attention. The more focus I bring to it, the more richness I find.
But — and this may well be the best tag-line for this blog — it is never one thing. Even the everyday can be an ampersand of experiences. Because sometimes the everyday has nothing to do with small wonders and everything to do with relief. There have been times where I’ve found something like salvation in the comforting mundanity of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my kitchen, anticipating the scroll-y sound of the drawer while I remove the cutting board and knife, and the soft thud of the cabinet door closing after I remove the (Teddie’s — IYKYK) peanut butter jar from its predictable home inside. This is usually after I’ve felt a high-stakes pinch of some kind, and I am awash with gratitude at the trivial shape of the quotidian task in front of me.
Other times, the everyday shape-shifts into self-care. I am healing from something, and tending to the laundry or rinsing the mugs become conscious acts of nurture.
Still other times — the really hard, blue ones — the everyday turns impossible. And I just want to say that if you’re in one of those hard, blue days, there is a quiet kind of bravery in moving through what needs to get done. Sometimes making the bed and packing the lunches are acts of personal heroism. The good news is that this, too, will change. One day soon, you will load the dishwasher almost without thinking, you will return the library books before due, you will remember to eat before your stomach is howling at you.
What does the everyday feel like for you today? A challenge, a reprieve, a site of joy, an impossibility? This is an excellent daily examen in service of becoming an expert in yourself.
Post-Scripts.
+The sticky, claggy parts of parenting.
+On slowing down in parenthood.
+We carry all the ages of our children inside.
Shopping Break.
+Some fetching new arrivals at J. Crew, including this bandana print cardigan (! — so chic, imagine over a white dress like this with a simple brown leather sandal) and this gorgeous midi skirt — the floral reminds me of Erdem!
+Wore this Staud dress (in a now-sold-out stripe) last week and the silhouette is DIVINE. I found a great look for less here!
+Have been LOVING this body balm from OSEA. Huge fan of their products, which are very thoughtfully designed and packed with great ingredients. I layer beneath their quick-dry, deeply hydrating oil. I had sort of elapsed in using body oil after I kicked my last bottle and am quickly remembering how effective it is at hydrating (and adding glow!) during the colder months.
+OMG this crochet dress in butter yellow…swoon! In a similar vein, but much less $$: this Gap! And a different silhouette, but love this knit style, too.
+Best-seller from the Rag + Bone sale: these cropped, featherweight jeans!
+Find myself reaching for this featherweight cropped tee a LOT these days.
+In a recent “pinch me” moment, jeweler Eriness offered to send me this beautiful butterfly signet ring as a part of my Small Wonders launch! I can’t wait to wear to the events — I’m definitely leaning into botanical/animalia theme! I’m also swooning over this ladybug pendant (we call my daughter “ladybug”) — which also comes in earrings, bracelets, and other designs.
+A Magpie just wrote me the sweetest note mentioning that several of my insights/observations from last year’s trip to Disney came in handy for her own recent visit, and I was so excited to hear that! She added that she wore her Ruti pants (which she’d discovered via this blog as well!) one cooler day and that they were perfect — quick-dry, comfortable, pull-on, etc. Those pants are the ultimate travel pant, I swear. They look so chic on but feel like you’re wearing sweats — and they don’t wrinkle somehow. Cannot rec more.
+Charming myself with my new pink glasses. Fun to wear a little unexpected pop of color. I also have these in a tortoise-shell as a back up and they’re perfect for petite faces!
+I swear by this starch alternative. Smells fantastic and really works well. I rarely iron (usually steam garments using this) but if I’m having houseguests, I’ll run an iron over the pillowcases in the guest bedroom, and this slightly perfumes them and also gets you that crisp, gorgeous finish.
+Gorgeous table lamp — 25% off.
+These decorative storage boxes (esp in the bird print!) are so charming!
+Obsessed with this charming pink mini cocotte (what can I prepare in it for Easter?!) and the matching spoon rest, too.
+Chic way to organize a bedside table drawer.
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This made me think of one of my favorite songs! Never One Thing by Mary Erlewine. ❤️ beautiful post, as always!
Thank you, Emily! Adding this to my car playlist for this afternoon. Thank you friend 🙂
This is beautiful, Jen ❤️
Thank you, friend! xx