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I’ve stared at a lot of closed doors in my life. I didn’t get into the schools I wanted to, I didn’t land the jobs to which I aspired in my early career, and, one time, a venture capitalist stood up in the middle of my pitch to casually toss an apple in the garbage, stretch, and stare blankly out the window. I still think about that moment, and cringe. The door didn’t just softly close on me — it slammed shut in my face.
I look back now and see that what looked like rejection was in fact redirection.
Those blockages always pushed me forward, even if I couldn’t see it at the time. Sometimes, they’d lead me to say: “So this is how it’s going to be. OK, let’s try another road in.”
Other times, I’d re-evaluate my ask, my positioning. On a tactical level, if you ever find yourself selling something and you’re collecting a lot more nos than yeses, the marketplace is telling you that you’ve not yet found your audience, or refined your product, or found the right place to merchandise it. It’s not a “no,” it’s a “not for here,” or a “not yet,” or a “come back when you’ve worked out the kinks.” Back in my product days, we’d say: “All feedback is good feedback.” And so even someone writing a furious note about how much he hated our technology because xyz happened arrived as sanguine news — an arrow towards refinement.
Some closed doors have prompted even more dramatic rerouting. There have been a handful that have led me to take a long, hard look at myself and pony up the courage to admit I had the wrong destination in mind in the first place. For example, I wanted to go straight into a PhD program out of undergrad, and I was rejected from Harvard and the University of Virginia. Harvard said something in their rejection letter along the lines of: “You are not admitted, and you may never reapply.” This burned like hot acid at the time. An incineration of the ego! But now I see that closure was a benevolent re-tracking: I wasn’t intellectually ready, I needed the vanity check, and I benefitted greatly from a few years in a professional setting before pursuing a terminal M.A. in literature, which in turn proved to be just enough of an academic exercise to javelin me into a role at an educational non-profit that profoundly changed my life. It is easy, of course, to see the breadcrumb trail now. At the time, I felt like a pinball at the mercies of unknown hands. But if I could go back and grip myself by the shoulders at twenty-two, and twenty-four, and even thirty-two, and thirty-four, I would say:
Rejection equals redirection. Keep going.
Post-Scripts.
+My Dad’s advice for when you’re on the brink of making a big life change.
+On finding meaning, and pattern, in what happens in our lives.
Shopping Break.
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+Been getting a lot of wear out of this cropped navy tweed blazer lately, and she’s 20% off. (ICYMI, I shared a full guide to the sale earlier today). Found a few look for less options here. (This one is under $100!)
+While we’re talking cropped top layers, love this nubby one from Tuckernuck — such a great statement!
+Gap is offering 50% off almost everything. A few favorites to consider: these knit pants (look for less for my set), this striped sweater in the chocolate brown, and these wide-leg cranberry colored cords.
+The chicest stapler! I have this is in my cart. Total novelty buy but would it not charm our desktops?! For some reason it looks like a whale to me and therefore reminds me of my brother, who is a renowned scholar of Moby Dick.
+Intrigued by this pointelle burgundy dress. It combines so many things I love. (An entire guide to pointelle pieces here.)
+I own and love this boxy fleece. Currently somehow on sale for $29 (orig $78).
+Just restocked my supply of these hydrating eye masks. My secret weapon the morning after a late or sleepless night. I also picked up this interesting mascara-and-liquid-liner invention by the same brand. Apparently the technology is patented! I can’t wait to try — watch the video to see how it works.
+This sweatshirt dress for mini!!! While we’re talking J. Crew, I might have to buy my son these velvet tuxedo style slippers for the holidays. Mr. Magpie has the same ones!
+Another great fall cocktail / wedding guest dress from Tuckernuck!!! They are killing it this season.
+Kitchenwear brand Material is running a big clearance event, and this little kit of kids’ cooking implements would be such a cute gift! Speaking of gifts for kids, I just stocked up on tons of Ooly art supplies and kits as my go-to gift for the season. Who doesn’t love fun markers and notepads?!
+OK, this little beauty minis set from Westman is so buyable. I want it for myself and also have it on my list as a possibility for a holiday gift for a few girlfriends! This mini flush balm set would also be cute.
+These dressed up track pants have sold out already once this season. Snag now for preorder if you love!
I find that having kids is a big antidote to regrets, at least from the time before I had them. In a butterfly effect sort of way, if my career had taken off and I had moved away, I think it’s likely I wouldn’t be with my husband or have had kids at the exact times I did. That would mean entirely different children than the ones I know, which is almost unimaginable. It’s normal to have regrets or still feel the sting of rejection from years ago, but in the end, there’s really nothing I would change even if I could. Now I just need to remind myself of that when future things don’t go my way…
Love this view – totally agree!
Oof, I needed this today. After being admitted to crèche, doing all the paperwork, meetings at the mayor’s, bank forms, doctor’s appointment, our application was cancelled and we lost our spot (my son needs an epipen and they didn’t have adequate staff to supervise lunch). I was heartbroken. My son was so excited. But we’re gonna find a new direction!
Oh my gosh! That would knock me sideways, too. I know you will find a way through but completely relate to the chaos you must be feeling!! Onward, you will get through it!! xx
I was in Higher Ed publishing sales for a couple of different companies one small and one multinational company for a number of years. This post hit home for me on the redirection my work has taken through the years and how I approached the relationship building with my customers which is always have a reason to speak or email your customer, be direct and to the point. This helped in redirecting my focus and time with those that were going to be customers and those that were just phishing. Also, remember the 80/20 rule, 80% of your business or yes’s come from 20% of your customers. So, you’re right rejection leads to redirection, it’s just a matter of what you do with it.
Love these insights, especially the 80/20 rule, which I’d never heard. Love the concept of refining/focusing your tack over time, too — thanks for sharing this!
xx
You’re welcome and love your writing/insights on life!
Thank you so, so much. xx