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Over the weekend, I read Monica’s essay on how French mothers dress their children, and found it very interesting. You might recall that I went through a battle of the wills with my daughter a few years ago once she decided she was summarily “over” the hair bows and smocked dresses of her toddler years. Ultimately, she wanted to wear what her friends were wearing, and also to express herself, and I decided this was not a hill I wanted to die on. In fact, I’ve now become radicalized in my position and feel that this is an important way to empower her, and show that I respect her point of view. (I also dwelt on an incident from my own awkward early teen years in which my mother had insisted I wear “tennis whites” to a tennis clinic I participated in at my high school the week before I was starting there as a freshman. I was all pins and needles already, sloping body language and wide eyes, and of course I arrived in knee-length white shorts and a pique polo and noticed much to my cheek-reddening horror that every other girl was wearing Soffe shorts and a Gonzaga or Georgetown Prep t-shirt (two boys schools in our area). I am, in other words, empathetic to wanting to dress to fit in, or at least feel comfortable in a setting. It’s OK, Mom, though – I’ve gotten over this and now write about fashion week in and week out so it all comes out in the wash…!)
Anyway, one big surprise for me as I’ve engaged my daughter in choosing what she wants to wear is how often she wants to dress just like a little version of me. I would absolutely wear a version of the outfit above and in fact think the way she styled the socks with the boots very fashion-forward / I would not necessarily have thought to suggest this?! She has some serious sock game, again reminding me of my own age — it feels like every generation younger than me knows how to wear a good sock, and we’re still stuck in no-show territory. She was wearing this Gap fair isle, this Old Navy cord skirt, these Zara socks, and these J. Crew boots. She put the outfit together on her own.
But, thought I’d share this insight in case you’re stuck with what to buy your daughter — you might contemplate where to find smaller versions of what you’re gravitating towards (in different colors, perhaps). I often get stuck when I’m thinking on the whole about “what to buy my daughter for fall” — it’s almost too much, and I get lost. In the end, this year, I began to think about the pieces I was into — corduroy, fair isle, flare/wide leg jeans, pointelle — and finding cute versions for her came to the fore.
Anyway, I did spend some time shopping with and for her over the weekend. She picked this dress for Thanksgiving (I did narrow down the list to a few options, and she was enthusiastic about that one); these flared pants and this athletic tee for ice skating (both 40% off! — she also has the flared pants from Athleta in a different color and loves those…I sometimes need to run a mid-week load of laundry so she can re-wear as she pleases); and this fleece in the ice blue color as a top layer for skating (40% off!). Back to the skating outfit for a minute: one other tip I’ve picked up over many years of buying way too much clothing for my kids: always have an outfit in mind. It’s dangerous to buy a separate with no tee/top specifically designated to match or work with it, and I find my daughter likes to replicate “whole looks,” e.g., she’ll usually wear the same tee with the same pants, because she thinks it goes together. This simplifies a lot of things for everyone. Specifically, when I bought her the flared Athleta pants (she’d been asking for flared leggings for awhile), I bought an Athleta sweatshirt that worked with them and she likes now to wear them together, and it gives a coordinated vibe.
Anyway, some of the other adorable pieces I found while shopping around for and with her this weekend, not all of which “passed the Emory test,” by the way —
DOEN DRESS // PAJAMAS // HER THANKSGIVING DRESS // SKI JACKET // JCREW BOOTS // CORD SKIRT // ATHLETIC TEE
+I thought this, this, and this would be so sweet for Thanksgiving. She said “nope” to the first two and “I like longer dresses” to the last. Then I just let her browse the entire La Coqueta site and she picked this happily.
+She would definitely wear this but I decided she has enough splurgey knitwear for the moment.
+Her holiday pajama lineup: Petite Plume (her favorite sleepwear brand – she really loves to wear the pajama pants with an old t-shirt of mine on top; the material is very soft/brushed and not itchy); Lake; Burts Bees.
+We are debating going skiing over New Year’s but right now it’s been so warm we’re feeling like it’s optimistic to expect Deep Creek Lake will have enough (or any) snow by then…but, I did pick up some new thermals just in case (50% off). Her Reima ski jacket and ski bibs (currently 25% off!! grab now!) still fit so we’re good there. While we’re here: I’ve heard the Reima all-in-one snowsuits are excellent, and one mom specifically mentioned it prevents that situation where snow gets down their pants when they fall. I also have a friend who is an avid skier and takes her kids skiing a lot each season, and she insists the most important part of taking kids skiing is making sure they are warm and dry the entire time, so the shoe seems to fit. We are sporadic skiers ourselves but I do think I’d invest in the snowsuit if we ended up going more often.
+In general, though, my daughter runs hot and is always begging to shed layers. For this reason, I know any vest will languish in her closet. But this would be SO cute.
Please share any of your own thoughts and insights on getting your seven, eight, nine year old daughter dressed! I generally think this age is tricky to shop for. They’ve outgrown toddler sizing, and a lot of my favorite brands stop at 6X. What’s left can sometimes feel too mature, or very glittery-hot-pink-smiley-face-centric. How and where do you shop for this age group?
P.S. An essay on seeing my daughter at all her ages. This one makes me weepy.
P.P.S. My daughter has amblyopia — but more importantly, a forbearance that far outstrips my own.
P.P.P.S. Motherhood is a surfeit.
I too have a 7 year old girl and this is a sticking point for us too. Comfort is king for her. I lean mostly on J Crew Crewcuts with Target intermixed. You are in to something though, my daughter too loves when we match – like a matching sweater from J Crew or something so I think I may lean into that more. Otherwise it is all leggings and shorts and protestations that she is ‘too hot’ – we live in Minnesota!
Anyway, the post made me think of the SNL Macys Christmas ad from a few years ago – one of those ‘it’s funny because it’s true’
https://www.google.com/search?q=snl+macy%27s+christmas+commercial&oq=&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCQgDECMYJxjqAjIJCAAQIxgnGOoCMgkIARAjGCcY6gIyCQgCECMYJxjqAjIJCAMQIxgnGOoCMgkIBBAjGCcY6gIyCQgFECMYJxjqAjIJCAYQIxgnGOoCMgkIBxAjGCcY6gLSAQkzMDU3ajBqMTWoAgiwAgE&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:ca50a3cb,vid:MVXN85TJabg,st:0
OMG that was hilarious! Thanks for sending. Agree that “having them dress like mini versions of us” may be a good temporary workaround…!
xx
Obviously I’m not at that stage yet and am just pressing my nose to the window, but I remember *so vividly* an outfit I thought was cool at 15 that my parents eviscerated. It was blue dayglo zebra print with the front slashed in stripes to reveal another black tee underneath, over black skinny jeans. My best friend and I had bought them matching (we all browsed Zumiez and Hot Topic when we bummed around the mall but were fundamentally mathletes). My folks didn’t care for clothes much though and never put much thought or budget into dressing me or my brothers. A warm coat for me was bought two sizes up in red or blue with an eye to passing it down. I detested all my winter coats. They had a lot of disposable income, they just disdained spending it on anything appearance based. Once we got old enough that my Nana wasn’t regularly buying us osh kosh, we look like ragamuffins in all the photos not at a holiday. It actually hurts my heart to think about! I got made fun of for my clothes, and it was t a matter of not having enough money. But my mom doesn’t feel comfortable dressing herself even now in her 60s, and wouldn’t have been comfortable tuning in to other moms or how they were dressing their daughters. Her strict mother dressed her and her sisters in matching homemade outfits through high school, knitting their sweaters and sewing their corduroys. Generations at play. I have to consciously remind myself that it is okay to spend money on my clothes, though I seem to have gotten over that for my children. My strategy with my almost three year old is to fill my cart and let him pick from there. He’s actually at an age where he’s going from most of the baby clothes being organic cotton (his preference) to a lot of scratchy polyester at our favorite retailers, so I’m pre-selecting a little more carefully these days. He mostly chooses polos and sweaters and corduroy trousers like the French kids at the playground, but favors bold stripes and bright tees. He has a dayglo pink one and Barbie socks from Zara that he treasured.
I should add that my kids often dress like their peers because the resale economy is huge over here! Our local clothes exchange always has the coolest stuff and goes up to age 12, or people buy off Vinted all the time, even for special occasions. Part of it is people keep clothes in meticulous shape here, the French are passionate about laundry, and part of it is we live in small spaces in these cities! There is 0 stigma about buying secondhand even for Christmas gifts, it’s viewed as very eco friendly
SO cool – love this culture.
“Generations at play” — yes! And I know my mother’s mother was very particular about clothing so it’s not surprising my mother was, too. And then of course I was as well, at first, but thanks in part to intervention by Magpie readers who gently nudged me along, I’ve really reflected on this and the gulf between being prescriptive about clothing and our own true, or aspirational maybe, values as a family.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this —
xx
For my beautiful girl, who’s now fourteen (sniff sniff), Janie & Jack was always my go-to. Beautiful fabrics and styles that were always so feminine without being saccharine. Loveliest accessories as well. Now she enjoys exploring her own style (she loves J.Crew and Altar’d State), and I’ve been so happy to see her reject the tawdry Lululemon-leggings-and-crop-top/pajama-bottoms-with-Nirvana-shirt (seriously??) look that so many of her classmates wear. (Conformity is so dang boring.) What irritates me is that as soon as girls age out of “big kid” styles, the manufacturers skew to skimpy schmatas. Non, merci So glad you are encouraging Emory and seeing such fruitful results. It’s refreshing to see and read about!
It is really so tricky in this age group!! Thanks for the reminder about J&J – they’d sort of fallen off my radar! Going to shop there tonight!
xx
Emory, you look fabulous! I went on to the gap website immediately to see if they had that sweater in adult sizes. I love the whole outfit.
This is so sweet of you to say – can’t wait to read her this comment and watch her light up! xx
My 8 year old daughter and I went to the mall yesterday and stopped in Abercrombie Kids for the first time. She has a lot of fabric sensitivities and had been wearing Target fleece pajama pants since the weather turned cooler. Her eyes lit up at the flare jean options (I appreciated they had short, regular, long for each size to find a better fit for her tall, slim frame). I had to wait outside the dressing room while she tried on clothes and then come out to show me. It seemed like such a moment that I’ll remember as she gets older and defines style for herself. Time will tell if she actually wears the jeans (+ Sabrina and Paris, Paris, Paris tee shirts she got)!
Oh my gosh! Thanks for sharing this moment with us. The waiting outside the dressing room!! One of those nearly invisible thresholds in motherhood. (Thanks also for the Abercrombie note – have been curious about them!) xx