It is 8 P.M. the night before this post will go live. I had planned to publish an essay on a challenging time in my life today, but while I was washing the dishes a few minutes ago, I found myself compulsively revisiting my own words with a mounting sense of unease, as though buckled into a scrambler ride, repeatedly and unwillingly barreling towards nausea. I recognize this sensation: the essay — the story — is not yet round.
But there is one shard of the essay that I want to publish today on the heels of our conversation about best friends and life stage last week, and I hope you will forgive me for sharing it with only the most skeletal of context simply because I want to pluck on a couple of its chords after. I wrote:
“A few weeks after it happened, I flew to New York City ostensibly for business but in reality because I wanted to see my best friend. I did not intend to share my sorrow with her. I could hardly speak about it with myself. I remember actively suppressing my own thoughts, as though shuffling cards off the table. But over dinner the second night, it spilled out. We sat in some restaurant in Chelsea holding hands over the table and crying together. I think we ordered fries.”
Nearly seven years later, I would take the train to New York City, and I would sit with that same girlfriend in some restaurant in Chelsea, more or less holding hands and crying together over an entirely different tragedy. This time, I know we ordered chips. (We were at a Mexican restaurant.)
I was running along the Crescent Trail the other day and the symmetry of those two moments sang out at me. I hadn’t even been thinking specifically of her, or either of the sadnesses those Chelsea restaurant memories mark, but there it was: a pair of visitations, separated by seven years.
I could have dwelt on the sorrows of those memories, but I felt gratitude first.
I asked the other day about when you met your best friends, and whether that had more to do with life stage or shared experience, and it has occurred to me since that one reason why so many of my college friendships (my Chelsea restaurant bestie included) have endured is because I have walked through some of the most intense and substantive parts of my life with them, with a we-used-to-be-roommates-and-hold-one-another’s-hair-back-while-throwing-up intimacy. A double whammy. Life stage and shared experience, with the added bonus that so many of you have pointed out in your comments on the aforementioned post: that we had “structures” that set our relationships up for success–UVA reunions and alumni events, proximity of Charlottesville to DC (e.g., most of us settled in DC after), horse races and football games we continued to haunt the first few years after graduating. Drumbeats keeping us on tempo.
I think, though, there is a bit of the supernatural — the Godly, if you believe. How else to explain that when I moved to Chicago, one of my best friends from college also found her way there (albeit on weekends only — it was a complicated commute situation), and another acquaintance from college also happened to be there and become a lifelong soulmate? How else to explain that I happened to have the work latitude to make my way to New York when I most needed to see my girlfriend? Deus ex machina.
Or maybe good friends simply will it so.
I don’t know, but somehow, we keep turning up when we most need it, holding hands in Chelsea.
Post Scripts.
+On moving on from friendships.
+If you can’t tell, my college experience remains one of the most formative parts of my life. So much so that I spurred a fictional work I’m still tinkering with.
Shopping Break.
+These marbleized note cards are lovely, as is this marbled gift wrap! Imagine the latter tied off with burgundy velvet ribbon at the holidays. Gorgeous!
+Currently in my cart — LOVE the detail at the collar, and the pattern is charming.
+Super love this dress in both the plaid and the green.
+How FUN is this mini skirt? (We’ve already discussed how trendy they are this season, but this pattern brings me particular joy!). It reminds me of a print from La Double J.
+Spotted this gorgeous jacket after I’d published yesterday’s post, but it’s definitely a bold contender.
+Neiman’s is offering $50 off orders over $200 with code NMCIRCLE — loving this pretty fall floral blouse and this midi dress and this black mini (very Ulla, but just over $200 with code).
+Chic long shacket for under $70.
+Digging these quilted vests as a layering piece. I would style with a dramatic white top like this.
+These velvet ochre platforms are magic. Get the look for less with these!
+A clever way to get children involved in the kitchen!
+Gorgeous coffee table book.
+Another Zara score — Thanksgiving chic!
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