I’ve been gravitating towards eyelet this season — especially love it mixed in with linen or as a detailed hem on a midi dress. Below, a roundup of my favorite picks and some ways I’d style.
01. Veronica Beard chic eyelet skirt with belt. On Sale! Zara look-for-less here.
09. Amazon blouse/cover-up in eight summer colors — great deal.
10. This dress feels light and airy. Opt for the black for a summer date night.
11. Everything in the Gap x Doen collab is just about perfect. My sister works for Doen and specifically mentioned that Doen’s founder has always considered Gap her favorite brand — so this collab was deeply authentic. I love the way they paired this dress with contrasting Mary Janes. Denim version here.
This morning, republishing an essay from the archives, because it’s been on my mind this summer, as I observe that we’ve entered a new phase of parenting, which in turn feels like a new phase of our marriage. When I wrote this piece back in 2022, we were still in sippy cups and early bedtimes and now our children can pour themselves cereal and play without supervision in the house, in the yard, even in the cul de sac by our home. (I still can’t believe it…!) It feels in a sense that time has bent back on itself. We have a bit more freedom. We’re better able to take our time. Even without childcare in the afternoons, I’m often surprised by how much I can accomplish. The children can capably (albeit spottily — there are many interruptions) preoccupy themselves for a few hours before we descend for dinner. It doesn’t feel like “the befores” but rather like “a middle”? If you are still in the early years of child-rearing, I hope this note gives you a sense of peace: though the baby and toddler years are precious, they are demanding — and things do ease up, or at least they have for us. I know mothers to older children are probably saying: “Just you wait…” and of course every phase presents its own challenges. (We are deep in a bickering phase, and tempers flare at the drop of a hat. I also did not know I’d already be talking about body image with my seven year old.) But this season, with children 5 and 7, feels like a golden age. We are all unspooling a bit.
***
Do you remember when we used to take our time?
Sitting barefoot on the deck of your house in Clarendon, twilight giving way to night?
Floating down the James River into the stillness of a Charlottesville summer, shoulders slowly bronzing, accommodating long pauses in conversation and the sense that the azure sky above us went on forever?
Afternoons with my feet in your lap, shadows crawling across the ceiling of my R Street apartment until we’d light a lamp in the crepuscular dim?
Mornings passing like honey, suffused in amber sun and twisted sheets and the languid and disorderly conversation as to whether we might go out, maybe, to the Farmer’s Market in Lincoln Park, or the dog park, or to just sit in the little square of the backyard, reading?
Now: every moment accounted for, so little give in our schedules.
I will not complain.
This is not an inequality, with angle brackets indicating a higher value in “the before times.” It is a clause, perhaps, beholden to its own conditions, complete and satisfying in its own way.
Still, I can miss the befores, the simplicity of planning to be together with no agenda, no curfew, not even the specter of concern about what a late night might do to the morning’s plans.
We talk now of “when the kids are off to college” — might we return to Manhattan living, just the two of us? When the city feels more manageable and less governed by strollers on subways and the strangle of little space? I imagine that life would bear a similar sprawl, with just you and me standing still in the center, spinning the world around us. But I know that cannot — will not — be the case. We are forever tied to these beautiful children we have, whether they live with us or not. There are four of us here now in the eye of the hurricane. As it should be.
So instead, I will just sit with those slow memories here in my lap. The way you held your beer down by your pocket, watching the stars emerge one by one above us. The slow reach of your arm for my innertube on the James River, to keep me close. Your Washington-Lee baseball t-shirt, worn thin by time, slipping over your head, as we’d prepare to leave for coffee in the morning — there was and is something distinctive about the movement; I doubt very much anyone does this like you do: clipped and sequential, the same tug at the end each time. Why do I feel blessed by these intimacies? Gifts, all of them, these befores, to which I return in gratitude today.
+”There is something about growing old with you that continues to return me to my teenage years, as if every trip around the sun is also a reclamation of things past, every rotation a winnowing inward.”
+3 a.m. parties have changed in our time together.
+Total change of topic: what do you eat for lunch?
Shopping Break.
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+I saw this striped knit dress on Nicole Cassidy and now can’t unsee it…so chic, especially with the contrasting turquoise jewelry! This J. Crew dress has a similar vibe for less.
+Speaking of turquoise, she’s wearing Lizzie Fortunato (which — did you know you can borrow jewelry, like this LF piece, at Rent the Runway? Kind of clever for these trendier styles!) But anyway, I can’t stop thinking about turquoise for summer. I love this Nest Jewelry with the chunky pearl center, this JB x JB, and this Dorsey necklace. The latter is so unusual and special — love the idea of layering it with my Clemence and a white dress.
+If the trendy La Ligne knit striped shorts are out of budget (or sold out before you could snag), try this $55 pair! So cute with a chunky white knit for chilly beach evenings. Also love these (more expensive) Frank and Eileens.
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For a long time now, when someone asks “how are you?”, I’ve responded: “Oh good. In a good groove.” At first, this was a considered refusal of the standard: “Oh, busy, busy” I’d adopted in the previous years. But over time, it became true: I am in a good groove. No big moves on the horizon. Settled. Centered, still in a way I’ve never been before. But the past few years have represented such a rich amount of self-work and self-reflection that I feel in some ways like a different person entirely? But this is life, right? A constant remaking, refining.
I have been thinking carefully and intensively about a few themes over the past few years. The first is the impact my friend Elizabeth’s death had on me. I sit here and want to write: “I never appropriately grieved her death.” But we know there is no appropriate way to grieve. I will simply say that I was working with a very shoddy set of tools when she passed. I remember feeling as if I did not have permission to grieve? Like, that belonged to her family, and to a few other friends of ours who had been at her bedside in the days leading up to her death. It took me years to realize that I was doing something horrible to myself with that self-denial. Avoiding it, and punishing myself for not being there when she passed away. Writing about her over the past few years has helped. I’ve permitted myself to grieve her in a more straight-forward way, without the absurd padding and sideways glancing I had previously negotiated. I have no clarity on her death, but I feel I’ve looked my grief straight in the eye. The end point is always this, though, which makes my heart sink: I miss her. There is nothing else to say about it.
As I’ve thought about her, and that grief, I’ve realized that her death explains so many of my present-day fears and worries. For one thing, it does not take a genius to draw the line between her diagnosis and death and my ongoing medical anxieties. At 25, I learned you can die, and you can die young and beautiful and full of promise. One of the most haunting stories about her diagnosis: when her mother came to the hospital after she’d collapsed the first time, she saw that E was on the seventh floor — the cancer ward — and she collapsed herself. I can’t unthink that moment. Now I see cancer and I want to collapse, too. At some point in recent memory, a friend told me that if you haven’t been diagnosed by 40, you are probably not going to succumb to a genetic condition. Of course, you can always get sick by any number of ways (environmental, etc) but when I turned 40 last week, I would be lying if I didn’t say “whew, passed that hurdle.” Yikes, Jen! I can understand the connection between all these things, the way they are logical but not, but I can’t quite climb outside the reflex to worry at them.
Elizabeth was also the first friend I lost. I would soon after lose one of my very best friends to…I’m not sure what? A sudden closing-up I still cannot parse, a wound that still won’t close. And then I slowly lost the circle of friends I’d shared with Elizabeth. She had been the glue that held us together. I wonder, routinely, whether we would still be close if she were alive. Later, I also experienced the very natural and non-acrimonious growing-apart with friends from different eras of my life, different cities in which I’d lived. I know these separations are a part of life. If you are lucky, you can visit with those friends and enjoy their company in smaller doses every few years, and it feels beautiful in its own way. But sometimes I find myself navel-gazing and wondering if there isn’t something about me that means I cannot hang onto friends forever. And so I have this pesky, intermittent insecurity around friendship that I converse with every now and then.
On the positive side, though, her passing and my clumsy grief afterward have taught me countless invaluable lessons that have shaped me for the better. First, on how to be there for other people grieving, especially children witnessing death for the first time. When Tilly died, I felt ready. Elizabeth had given me everything I needed to help them through. Second, on how to not take friendships for granted. How to call out their graciousness and wonder. How to be active in them. How to be flat out grateful. I am still routinely surprised and delighted by how loving my friends are. Who, me?! This old girl?! God, I’m lucky! Lucky to have friends that flew and drove down to Charlottesville to celebrate me last week. Lucky to have friends who at the last minute had to cancel because of a medical emergency and who were clearly devastated not to be there. I was moved by their agony over their absence!
Anyhow, I’ve been excavating these themes and I feel I’ve made a lot of progress. In some ways it feels that my 20s were a heady, careless blur in which I didn’t even have the wherewithal or perhaps enough distance in the rear view mirror to make heads or tails of her death or any of these latent worries. Life was happening to me? I was processing it as best I could, I guess? It sort of feels like I was blankly absorbing the phenomena, although perhaps that’s not giving myself enough credit. Then came my early to mid 30s: moving, switching jobs, entrepreneurship, having babies, COVID. Life was coming fast and furious. I was aware of my rich inner emotional life (“that’s interesting I’m so worried about this appointment…”), but I didn’t have the bandwidth to really dig into any of it. When you are going on day 44 of no sleep, you are not in a position to interrogate your irrational worries about getting sick. Lazlo’s hierarchy and all. But then in the downslope of my 30s, I found I finally had the time, the tools, the emotional stamina to look carefully at these tender spots. To lay the cards on the table, and to play them as they laid. I can’t tell you how helpful this has been. To really take the time to look inside. For one thing, it’s given me the smallest and most meaningful amount of purchase when I’m worried. I can point at the worry and remind myself “this is just that thing again. Breathe; this too will pass. It always does.” And for a second I’m floating above the worry, pointing at it as though it’s passing weather. This self-study has also helped me realize that life is not about feeling nothing. It is scary to look straight in the mirror at yourself, but you survive. You might be inspired to change what you don’t like, or to work on what feels off, or to remind yourself to go easy on yourself in the areas where you see that you are, at the end of the day, just an open heart missing her friend. And it might suck temporarily. But the stakes are not as high as I thought. It’s just me on the other end. No one shaking her finger, no one saying “I told you so!” Just me, helping myself out.
And so when I say “I’m in a good groove,” I really mean it. On a bone deep level. I’m grooving along a smoothed-out path, scar stories and all, reminding myself and anyone who will listen: “Go easy!”
Whew. Katharos.
****
I don’t have a slew of pictures to share this week, but I will close by saying I love the denim shirtdress I’m wearing above. Frank & Eileen sent it to me as a part of a sponsored project I did with them on Instagram, and it, along with everything else they sent, is absolutely incredible. I am thrilled — ecstatic? — to have them in my closet. The dress is loose but flatteringly column-like, and the kind of thing I will throw on at home and on the weekends with some of my favorite accessories at the moment. I put it on and thought: “Wait, is this my Ina Garten uniform?” (You know how she always wears a denim shirt?) It evokes a strong sense of lifestyle for me: I put it on and think of myself as an artist in a pottery studio on a gorgeous Hamptons property. It is SO good. Soft, lived-in, easy-breezy, unfussy but elegant in its own way. And then there’s the linen set I already yapped about yesterday. I truly am speaking in exclamation points about these pieces. I also have and love a few of their sweat sets, but these two items — the denim dress, the linen duo — are wardrobe staples for me.
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+WHAT DOES A GOOD DAY LOOK LIKE? I loved this trio of questions from surgeon and public health specialist Atul Gawande. Per the caption: “Up until he began to focus on this with his patients, including those who were terminally ill, he wasn’t really concentrating on their well-being — just on keeping them alive. And the two are not the same.” Wow! Reminds me of Mary Oliver: “listen, are you breathing a little and calling it a life?” Sends a shiver straight down my spine. To the point: what does a good day look like for you? How can you rearrange your day to draw it into alignment with those wishes?
+SWEETEST ILLUSTRATIONS: Have you seen the beautiful illustrations by Lore Pemberton? These would be so gorgeous framed in a little girl’s room.
+PARENTING FOR INDEPENDENT CHILDREN: As expected, you brought it with the intel and input on raising children to be independent. Comments are incredible! I asked, in the comments section, what to do when children resist doing something on their own? My son has been pushing back on occasion. He’ll initially love the empowerment but then it becomes, “Mama, can’t you do it for me?” One Magpie pointed out this might be a situation where the skill-building imperative has replaced a common connection moment. Wow! I noticed afterward that my son routinely resists washing himself with soap in the bath – “can you do it?” I now wonder whether this was a moment where he’d receive affectionate physical touch and he still wants it? I’m determined that he learns to bathe himself but it’s made me a bit more tender in the lead-up. A big hug before bath, little shoulder squeezes throughout.
+OUT IN THE ETHER: A few new launches, sales, and oldies but goodies that I keep hearing about from a variety of sources.
First: Frank & Eileen can’t keep these linen sets in stock. I now own the white and get the hype: the pants have the perfect fit — slightly flared leg, body-skimming, and the waist-line does not dig in. It’s actually perfect and you actually feel like you’re in a Nancy Meyers kitchen in it. The linen is not scratchy. Just beautiful, breathable bliss. I pair with trendy sandals (these LRs, also seen below, are having a moment) to modernize a bit. And this is a situation where the separates come into heavy use on their own. Who doesn’t need a white linen button-down to pair with everything else in her closet? I’ve been wearing mine with the red gingham boxers (other boxer trend picks here). Perfect. And the pants are great over a suit or with a simple navy tee. Divine. A wardrobe workhorse.
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Second: Khaite has released a new bag silhouette: the Lia. Already low in stock and guaranteed to be slung over the arms of chic New Yorkers this fall. Intriguing to me: of the four color options, one is a moody burgundy. So unexpected?!
Third: Rhode’s blushes have gone viral. I’ve still yet to try anything from this brand but have to say the hype is making a purchase imminent. The names of the colors are absolutely brilliant. I want all of them for that reason alone.
Finally: This mask has been around forever but I’ve been hearing about it in dribs and drabs recently from women with excellent skin. Apparently it smells horrible (Nicole Cassidy said she uses it only when her husband is out of town) but truly works. I think I’ll give it a try. And I hate to say it but this plasma…is really good. Damn! Now I’m officially hooked and it isn’t cheap. I do think it lasts longer than the website suggests — I’m well over a month in and only maybe 1/4 of the way done? I’ve been seeing more and more women talk about this and do think it’s worth the hype. Part of the reason I believe this is that, after using it for a month, I went in for a facial, and the aesthetician said: “You have absolutely beautiful skin… beautiful, beautiful,” she repeated to herself. What?! It’s possible she says this to every client. (I hope not?) But something in her tone made me hopeful…? Anyhow — I was shocked because I would never describe my skin as beautiful? I work hard to apply all the serums and moisturizers, I clean it religiously, but if I’m being brutally honest, I look in the mirror and mainly see my age, the dark spots, the wrinkles. She made me look beyond the pigmentation and signs of age and realize my skin is in good shape — much smoother, more even, with fewer pores and blemishes than ever before. I truly have to hand it to this plasma? (I’m cringing as I write this but I feel like it explains why I am committed to the plasma.) I will say that last time Blue Mercury ran a sale, they included it in the sitewide promo, so if you’re having palpitations about the price, you might wait for their next sale event. Or maybe if you’re a new customer at B.M., you can use the 10% off code for a little savings. OK, done. But I do think it’s worth a try if you’re around my age group!
+BESTSELLERS: My little butterfly earrings! I love them, too. Great for everyday — a fun twist on a classic solitaire. And they’re 30% off with code JENSHOOP. (By the way, the brand gifted me a few pieces and I specifically picked this necklace to gift to my wonderful sister-in-law. Something about the design reminded me so much of her and the way she’s taught me, in various ways, about ampersand thinking. The way multiple things can be true at once.)
*I did shoot this outfit as a part of a project with Frank & Eileen but I also wore it all day — literally obsessed — and have wore it as separates since. It went straight into my suitcase for our long family trip! I can’t speak better about it. Love the fit. Super lightweight and soft.
First up: a smattering of great FOJ sale finds, starting with 25% off current-season styles at Julia Amory. Do not miss the Betty in black batik or moss green! I own this dress in blue (see here) and ADORE it. A gorgeous heavy-weight oxford cotton that holds its structure. I also own and love this kiwi green caftan. Lightweight, can be worn belted or not, and such an unusual and chic color.
Second: Kule is offering up to 40% off in its summer sale. I own their modern long striped tees in several colors and might add this neutral khaki stripe to the collection. I also have these shorts and the matching tee in my cart after seeing a gal at my pool wear them as a cover-up situation! (Should have included that chic pea in this roundup.) Lastly – they have GREAT knits.
06. The Ilia multi stick for strawberry milk makeup! I’ve been using this daily in Aspen, CO – a great formula that is easy to blend. Less oily than Merit.
I visit with this poem every few weeks. I love the entreaty to look at the world as though it were fashioned by love and designed for accommodation. A receptive, feminine energy. It draws me into myself: how good it feels to sit here, with the sun on my legs, and the refrigerator patiently cooling and housing my water for whenever thirst strikes.
It also brings to mind a poem I’ve often cited by Mary Oliver, titled “The Sun.” Its crescendo (below) is another reminder of the extraordinary gifts of everyday life and the natural world. Even the routine rise and fall of the sun occur to us as astonishing mag​na​nimi​ties, if we open ourselves up to them.
My prompt today: how do the everyday objects and sights around me model love? How might I respond in kind?
+As you know, I’m an enormous fan of everything Sold Out does — I live in their iconically soft tees and this white tank! — and I’m so flattered they created a custom code for us: JEN15 for 15% off! Try those two staples — I promise they won’t disappoint. The quality is SO good.
+This Hermes lipstick makes a great gift thanks to the iconic presentation in that orange box!
+Bought a few of these cherry print pouches to organize my daughter’s hair / toiletry situation while traveling this summer. These floral print ones are also adorable.
By: Jen Shoop
Recently, I was talking my girlfriend’s ear off about romance novels as a genre, and I interrupted myself with: “Ugh, I’m sorry. I could talk forever about this.” Her response: “No, I love it. Let me pull up a chair.” She was, I’m sure, being her usual gracious self as a listener, but it made me think: what are the things you could never get tired of talking about? This has to be a fool-proof litmus for identifying inner passions.
It’s funny to write about this because a few days later, on our way into our weekend in Charlottesville and before the full party had arrived, another friend brought up the recent Justin Timberlake press and then interrupted himself with: “No. That’s our dinner conversation. We’ll wait for the group.” At the dinner table, he pretended to crack his knuckles: “OK, now for Justin Timberlake.” And the entire table dove in for a protracted analysis. There is something about celebrity tea and our prismatic, glancing observations of the famous that can sustain a long conversation among 40 year olds…
A few things I could never get tired of talking about:
The craft of writing / how to get started with writing
Fashion
Books — especially the appeal, tropes, and constructs of underrated genres like the modern thriller and romance
Music videos — one of my favorite secret pastimes is watching the top pop music videos and analyzing them / explaining how and why they diverged from my understanding of the song and what they are showcasing about the performer; they are such rich “texts”
Family dynamics — this always fascinates me and I have all kinds of crackpot theories; I love learning about the birth order, age gaps, personalities, etc of siblings
Restaurant experiences — not just the food: the ambiance, the staff, the menu design, the dishes and cutlery and stemware
Cryptic messages — I love to unpack a weird email, text, DM a friend has received
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+Has anyone tried the tees from perfectwhitetee? This classic style is on its way to me — I think it’s their most popular version. As you know, I’m a huge fan of SoldOut’s Iconically Soft tee (if these are clean, I will wear them first in my drawer — 15% off with code JEN15) and Uniqlo’s $15 U-Neck, but I’m always open to test!
+These $30 shorts are marketed as pajamas but I’d test for everyday — or at least pool! Love. Very Doen-esque. (Or, get Doen’s here!)
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation. Image above via Lorna Murray; hat available here.
This summer, I’ve seen a number of well-dressed women in D.C. and Charlottesville (specifically at the Keswick Hall pool) that have inspired me to add new items to my shopping list. Below, sharing a few of the chicest finds I’ve seen out in the wild, the provenance of which I was either able to ferret out by context clues or by blunt “where did you get that?!” inquiry.
+Marysia and these Lorna Murray hats (also like this striped one) have also been a mainstay for the past few seasons, and are still kicking. I love both. I may be a little late to the game on the Lorna Murray but they really are charming. You can get the look for less here.
+Eres swimsuits with the u-neck detail are peak chic in these parts.
+Summersalt suits seem to be fading out a little bit? I haven’t seen them as much this year, but last year, you couldn’t throw a stick without hitting a Sidestroke, and for good reason: they are incredibly flattering. I like the solid colored ones. I own in red and am packing for a kayaking trip in Colorado — everything stays put, good amount of coverage, extremely flattering no matter what weird maneuver you’re doing.
+I’ve seen a couple of gals wearing the Ancient Greek Iro ballet flat jellies and am now convinced I need them, too. I have to say I think I’ve personally influenced at least five or six women to buy the brand’s Eleftheria jellies (I own in blue, which works surprisingly well with most of my swim attire), as I’ve had lengthy conversations with several about them.
+I’ve spotted a few of these Lola Hats with their tell-tale leather strap this summer. Tres chic. I love the curvy “party girl” brim.
+This Miu Miu is my favorite bag I’ve seen carried this summer. So much personality and I’d never seen it carried before. Lucky for us, Amazon has a similar style for $30.
+I’ve seen lots of sets of gold bangles inspired by Tubogas: I own these — 20% off with SHOOP20; look for less with these.
+For apres-pool, I’ve seen a ton of Tuckernuck dresses (predicting this – nearly sold out now! – will be popular on The Fourth), Julia Amory (including her sets, very chic — did you also see that Tuckernuck is getting into the set game with this?), Hill House (fewer of the Ellie this season though), and La Ligne. For dressier occasions, I’m routinely surprised by how much Staud (this dress is perfect — runs small, FYI), Ulla, and SEA (you’re bound to see a version of this dress at a D.C. event!) I see. I love all three brands, too, and keep coming back to them myself.
+I haven’t seen many of the netted and mesh shoes that seem to be trendy in New York / L.A. in these parts (I am happily wearing mine, though). The Hermes Orans and YSL Tributes are often-spotted — and their look-for-less cousins from French Sole. I’ve also seen some of the logo-ed, limited edition slides from various prestige brands, these Miu Mius and Guccis in particular.
+One thing I haven’t been able to figure out – I see lots of women, especially over 50, wearing freshly pressed, crisp shirtdresses in spectacular solid colors (cherry red, white, cerulean blue) and elegant prints. I’m not sure where these are coming from, or if they’re tailor-made, or from some small boutique in Italy I have no idea about, but some of them must be Evi Grintela? Will continue to analyze and report back.
Anything you’ve spotted in your neck of the woods that has turned your head?
11. This beach towel is lightweight enough to fit in any beach bag and great for travel. I used to keep these underneath the stroller in NYC for when we inevitably came upon a splash pad or water feature.
12. This clip is a must-have for my windy beach days / gross beach hair.
I cannot believe we will be celebrating fourteen years of marriage this August. In some ways, I blinked, and time-traveled from moonstruck-over-my-tall-drink-of-water in Charlottesville to married with two school-aged children in Bethesda. In other ways, we’ve gone through so many permutations of life together that it’s hard to imagine it’s been only fourteen years of marriage. When we started dating, I was 19. I’ve gone through at least a few dozen versions of myself in the intervening 21 years (not to mention multiple cities, jobs, deaths, births, entrepreneurial endeavors, graduations, losses, and blessings), and somehow, we always grow together — intertwining vines.
While celebrating my birthday in Charlottesville last weekend, Mr. Magpie surprised me by toasting me at dinner, in front of several of our closest friends. The champagne had been poured, and I was turning to yap with my girlfriend, and he interrupted: “OK, Jennifer, now I toast you.” I looked across the table and could see in the softening of his eyes that he was about to pour his heart onto the table. I immediately dissolved into tears: the debonair, heart-on-stilts gesture alone moved me. And then, of course, the too-generous words and the stirring retrospective on our lives together. I looked over and two of my best girlfriends were crying alongside me. Slapping him on the back, one of my guy friends said: “Landon, you’re really something,” which, as far as I can tell, is the closest you’ll get a guy to saying: “You might have made me cry.”
Later that night, I laid in bed and replayed each and every word of his toast. What he reminded me was that we’ve been together for more of our lives than we have apart, and that there is, simply, no space between us, nor will there ever be. Happy tears dotted my pillow. I don’t know how I came by this man, what forces drew us together, but I see that I am nestled smack dab in the middle of the story of a happy marriage, and I know it’s the crowning achievement, the center, of my life.
*****
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One thing I know we do well in our marriage — make time for each other, just the two of us. Sometimes this is a quick mid-week lunch (we love Fish Taco in Cabin John) or an evening visit to the adult pool; other times this is a couple’s trip somewhere new (Calistoga was a recent favorite) or a fabulous dinner out. I always dress to the nines (and so does he), even if it’s a more casual venue calling for jeans. Below, I’m wearing a fabulous top and you won’t believe the price — it’s a $30 look for less for this top! — with my Levi’s 501s, La Ligne denim jacket (I’m always cold inside), By Pariah earrings, Dorsey Clemence and Heart ID necklaces, Sezane bag, and Staud flats. Simple but date-night-appropriate.
A few other date night finds I love:
+This gorgeous linen LBD. I feel like the linen prevents it from looking too slinky? But still va-va-voom.
+I don’t really wear heels that often anymore — is it really attractive to be wobbling and stumbling around? — and tend to prefer a great sandal. I love Margaux’s ankle wraps for date nights (look for less here) — they feel romantic — but I will say I’ve heard great things about these timeless Annie heels from Larroude. They’d be gorgeous and effortless with any of the above outfits. Vibe for less with these — and they look like they’d be easy to walk in thanks to that top strap.
+For some reason, a denim jacket usually feels right for date night (unless you’re somewhere formal, of course) — easy, low-maintenance, sort of borrowed-from-the-boys. I love La Ligne’s dean style. The perfect relaxed silhouette in the best wash.
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I turned 40 this week! (And I wore pink for my birthday dinner with my family — this little ditty from Few Moda. It reminds me of something by Juliet Dunn!) I’ve been writing a lot about this milestone because — as one of my friends put it recently — “now we’re on the back nine,” and it seems appropriate to contemplate the shift. At my birthday dinner, one of my friends asked for my rose, bud, and thorn this past year. I found the bud easiest to call out: the burgeoning sensation of stability. This is largely driven by the fact that, until this past year, Landon and I had both moved every two years (or less) since we were 18. That sensation of impermanence bled into everything: “nah, I won’t order that bed because we’ll move in a year,” and “I don’t want to get too committed to this gym because we might move uptown in a few weeks — I’ll wait.” Until we decamped to Bethesda, our minds were constantly whirring in the background with questions of: “Will we stay in D.C./Chicago / NYC forever? Why or why not? At what point would we move? How and when will we know to make the decision?” Even in our most peaceful and happy moments, enormous, life-sized question marks waited in the wings. I distinctly remember visiting Dan Barber’s phenomenal Blue Hill Farm at Stone Barns (Tarrytown, NY) just when we’d turned an early corner in COVID, back in fall of 2020. It was one of the first excursions we took with my sister and brother-in-law after the quarantine period, and I was deeply relieved and delighted to be with family, and to enjoy such an extravagant and picturesque meal to boot. But on the drive back, I found myself idly thinking “that might be the only time I visit Stone Barns” and felt a shadow pass over me. I moodily contemplated how long we’d be in New York, and whether my sister would be around for all of it, and hated that I couldn’t sink into the present enough to dispel those meanderings. Even now, looking back, my concerned “what if…?” thinking tinges what would otherwise be a golden memory.
It is probably a function of my tendency to worry, but I feel at ease now in ways I haven’t since I was 18. There is a bone-deep sensation of rest. More room in the back of my mind. The not-needing-to-move aspect is a big piece of the puzzle, but it also feels good to know our family is complete (no “what about a third?” questions anymore), I’ve carved out a viable vocation for myself that seems to have stuck, and we are burrowing into our home here. Our children are at a school they will presumably attend until 8th grade; we have joined a pool and golf club; we know our neighbors well; we are nearly done outfitting several rooms of our house with an interior designer; we have a suite of vetted doctors and service providers of various kinds. When something goes awry with the house, it’s no longer: “Crap, we need to find an HVAC guy” or “Who might fix a garage door?”
There is also the more abstract. I feel more solid in my center. Specifically, when something goes wrong, I am better able to take the long view. This, too, shall pass. And I’ve made major strides in being able to sit still and absorb the present without my mind sprinting down the street. I also feel I have a better understanding of who I am, and this means taking the good with the bad. I know my faults and foibles, and I know how to avoid circumstances that will draw those out, and how to apologize for them, too. (Of course, a work in progress!) One of the biggest learnings of this past decade has been that not everything will resolve. Not everything has to make sense, hang together, come to a full stop. I am still learning how to let it go — how to find peace in the irresolution — but I have my marching orders: give people a wide berth; be as tender as I can; be slow to provocation. Per our recent chat, I don’t necessarily need to react to everything I observe. Importantly, this does not mean to let people walk over me. It means sometimes it is best to walk away and let it go.
Taken together, all of these developments leave me seeking the peaceful path wherever possible. Do the small thing; let it go; lean into yourself.
Onward, into my forties, seeking the peaceful path.
The view looks pretty good.
Also this week…
We went to Charlottesville for a few days with friends to celebrate! We stayed at Keswick again — it is, simply, phenomenal. I had my first facial at the gorgeous and relaxing spa there and absolutely loved the experience. One thing I learned from my technician is that my skin is pretty dry (I had no idea?) and she said using heavier moisturizer more frequently would help with fine lines. I have to say I am noticing a difference ever since she pointed it out! Been more heavy-handed with the nighttime cream. I really love this face mask from Chantecaille — I’ve been sleeping in it and applying to my forehead in the mornings sometimes, too. Pamela Anderson just started a skincare line and they sent me this multi-hydrating moisture mask that I’m bringing with me to test in Colorado!
Country roads, take me home — vista on the Applachian Trail. Some of my friends begrudged me this hike but I couldn’t help myself. We did see a garter snake cross the trail at one point…!
Veritas VineyardVeritas Vineyard
Keswick Hall, VA
Keswick Hall, VA
Crawford’s Bar at Keswick Hall, VA. Great cocktail menu. We also had dinner next door at Jean-George’s Marigold. The space is beyond gorgeous, and the staff was wonderful.
The infinity pool at Keswick Hall looks out over Virginia’s signature rolling hills — zen Jen. I’m wearing my Doen x K. Jacques sandals and favorite packable hat.
Back at home, we let the children stay up until 10 P.M. one night (they’re usually asleep before it’s fully dark!) so they could witness the firefly magic. They had the best time catching them and marveling at the way they twinkle like Christmas lights.
Birthday celebrations throughout the week: a Mai Tai one night, and a mezcal-spiked daiquiri the next.
Some of my favorite family room accessories: a Half Past Seven rattan tray and Proper Table acrylic coasters.
These coupes rank highly among my favorite belongings.
Will be seeing my sister for the first time since she became a mother of two in just a week! I got her maternity Lake Pajamas — truly my go-to gift for any woman. I think I’ve given these to 90% of the women in my life. A perfect gift for any occasion — sick? birthday? just gave birth? just hit a big accomplishment? The best.
A moment for a favorite corner of our living room. Our interior designer did such a fabulous job pairing these patterns. The colors are perfect together. I believe the pillow is Cowtan and Tout and the chair is Thibaut but am checking to confirm.
New in from Minnow! The CUTEST pieces for peak summer — I think you can probably still order and have items come in time for the Fourth if you do expedited shipping. They sent me this classic cardigan, these swim trunks, this shorts set, and this adorable terry dress. Everything went straight into the suitcase, along with Lake jammies, these striped tees, and some new shorts from Cadets.
The latest from Minnow – probably my favorite children’s brand.
I’ve officially become a body oil vs. lotion gal. My two favorites are Osea and Nerra — the Nerra one below is nice because it has a spray applicator (easy to put on!)
