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+HELEN FRANKENTHALER: I have been learning about the American abstract expressionist Helen Frankenthaler (1928-2011) this week. I came across some of her quotes about art via Instagram and was pulled in, but now I’m transfixed by her story, her process, her art. I must go see her best-known piece, Mountains and Sea (seen below) — it’s here at the National Gallery in DC! Planning a day date with Mr. Magpie around it. Two of my favorite quotes from her: “I’d rather risk an ugly surprise than rely on things I know I can do” and “There are no rules. That is how art is born, how breakthroughs happen. Go against the rules or ignore the rules. This is what invention is about.” It reminds me of Anne Lamott’s “don’t look at your feet; just dance,” and the general adage, when it comes to creativity, not to seek permission.
+JFK JR / CBK: Their style remains fresh. These old photos are in conversation with my thoughts last week about feeling like I’ve been undergoing a major evolution in style. I don’t know if it’s turning 40, or the ambient retail shift away from grandmillennial and ruffles?
+COURAGE BAGELS (at top and below!): My mouth is watering just looking at these everything bagels. I sent this photo to Mr. Magpie and he replied: “Just booked us tickets to LA.” If there are any Angeleno Magpies, thoughts?! Worth the hype? D.C. is sadly lacking in good bagels. Even Bread Furst’s version is middling, and I’m not a big fan of Call Your Mother.
+REMEMBER WHEN YOU DREAMED OF WHAT YOU NOW HAVE?: I loved this reflection Ina Garten shared on Instagram: “In doing research for my upcoming memoir, I discovered a letter that Jeffrey wrote to me in high school. He said, “I want to take you to Paris. In the beginning, we won’t be able to afford much so maybe we’ll go camping. Hopefully, the next time, we will have enough money to stay in a hotel and maybe someday we’ll even be able to rent an apartment.” We actually did go to Paris in 1971 on a four-month camping trip. If someone had told me then that 50 years later I’d come back with the Today Show to report on food at the Paris Olympics, I would have thought they were crazy!” Related: this sweet and whimsical carousel of illustrations from Sunlight After Dark, which concludes: “I still have a lot of dreams to chase, but today I’m just enjoying the view.”
+SALES TO SHOP: (1) Don’t miss Alice Walk’s sale on their dreamy gauze shorts and pants (both run TTS), as well as (2) Julia Amory’s sale on Coatue shorts and coordinating tops (perfect daytime outfit for a LDW trip!) and caftans (this one will transition well into fall / could work with suede boots or mules). Reformation also marked down a ton of its wedding-guest-ready pieces — love this simple but sexy linen number. On the beauty front, (3) Elemis is offering 25% off some of their best products — can’t wait to try this cleanser and this pro-collagen moisturizer; I already have and love their resurfacing pads — and (4) UBeauty is offering all of us (not just first time buyers) 20% off sitewide with code JENSHOOP — usually, they only offer this promo to first time customers, but it’s currently available to all! I know so many of you were curious about the lip plasma!
+MY SON’S BIG BOY BED!: We let him squish into his toddler bed for as long as possible, but as a newly minted five year old heading into Kindergarten, it was time. We bought him this PBK bed (full size, brushed fog — currently on sale!), a Saatva youth mattress, this duvet, these pillow inserts (the best inexpensive sleeping pillow), this bed blanket (look for less for our Boll and Branch ones), and a few fun sheet sets, including these and these. These cute maritime sheets were sold out in the full size, but I have my eye on them, too.
A few weeks ago, a friend told me that she keeps a note on her iPhone titled:
“Good things are always happening to me.”
In it, she’ll track windfalls and micro-victories.
What a beautiful way to anchor, and attract, the positive.
I started my own this week —
Some of these are shorthand — “story time” being a weekly session where my mom reads books over FaceTime to all her grandkids, and which I’ve occasionally forgotten in the flow of our busy weekends, and “the J.P. line” references a section from a fictional work I’ve been working on intensively.
But most of these are simple goodnesses that more often than not slip by unannounced.
Every few weeks, Mr. Magpie makes an extra large batch of morning coffee. This happens when he’s at the bottom of our bag of Sey coffee beans, and there is a surfeit amount to use up before opening the next one. On those mornings, he’ll call out: “Bonus coffee!”
It’s not extra coffee, it’s not “enough for a second cup.” It’s a bonus, and it’s worth celebrating. What he’s really saying is “I’ve found some treasure this morning,” and “good things are always happening to us.”
Every time he says this, I think of the closing line from a William Stafford poem: “But some bonuses, like morning, like right now, like noon, like evening.”
What would it be like to consider the everyday things that go well, or that simply go as planned, life’s gratuities? The universe giving you at tip. “Life can be hard, honey — sit and enjoy this perfect melon.”
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+Alice Walk just launched a rare sale — you must contemplate their triple gauze shorts or pants. I’ve lived in these this summer! The shorts are great as a pool / beach cover-up, and I love the pants for that sliver of time between day and night, when you aren’t ready for pajamas but don’t want to be in jeans. Divinely comfortable and very chic, especially when paired with a striped tank like this.
+Doen’s Fall Chapter I is here! (Launched yesterday.) This is a slam dunk for fall family photos, but I’m absolutely drooling and dying over this lace maxi. Wow. I think I’m going to buy it, but keep going back and forth on color — I mean, the burgundy is more practical — but can you even with that ivory?! I have this vision of myself wearing it to dinner at Lake Como in Italy…I also love their pointelle basics, like this, which I’d like in all four colors pls!
+A Magpie reader left a comment encouraging me to check out Talbots’ fall collection, and I’m blown away. A lot of the shapes/styles remind me of Veronica Beard, but at more approachable price points. Consider these leopard shoes, a dead ringer in shape for VB’s Cecile ballet pump. Also loving this crisp denim shirt dress and (drumroll) this cropped suede jacket. It’s still pricey but wowza. (Compare to VB’s Andrea jacket, it’s 3x less expensive.)
+But, a moment for VB’s sale section. I need a new striped sweater like I need a hole in my head, but OMG, this was $119 and I had to have it, and I just know I’ll get a ton of wear out of this thinner knit, for tucking into skirts, trousers, jeans, etc.
+Lake Pajamas’ best-selling kimono set in fog stripe is back. This has sold out multiple times. I love the kimono sets so much — they’re the same swingy, stretchy material as the Relax Sets I also love, but a bit more flattering on if I’m honest! Love the stripe! (To differentiate, I’d wear the kimono set around houseguests in the morning, but probably not the relax set!)
+Honest sent me a bundle of their beauty products recently, and I just pulled out this lash primer / mascara wand. Wow! I am super impressed. I still think that the Tower28 is my favorite formula, but the Honest excels at separating and defining lashes, and despite it’s marketing as “ultra bold,” I find it more natural in finish. I also really like the way my lashes feel afterward (not stiff). I test a lot of beauty products and a lot of times I’ll try them for a few days and then put them in my overflow drawers to pull out when I’m in a pinch / traveling / out / etc. But this one has remained in my top drawer. A welcome alternate. I am so thrilled to be finding these excellent and less-expensive mascaras, as I am never without mascara on during the day. It’s my desert island product.
+Only one size left, but this $118 dress from SEA (originally $425) would be a perfect fall family photo option. Sleeves, good colors, easy to mix and match with others patterns, a great shape.
+Minnow released some adorable patterns and pieces in its bags and accessories line. I absolutely love this travel pouch. It’s the perfect size for all my essentials (lipstick, bandaids, pens, hair claws, etc) – I transfer it from bag to bag.
+Speaking of pouches, Pehr reached out to me after I shared their perfect bins and pouches to offer us 20% off with code JEN-20. This gingham park jacket is beyond adorable for your little one this fall. I updated my promo code page with this, too!
+Substack fashion darling Jamie Haller just released their first ready-to-wear collection. They’re known for their “IYKYK” footwear, like their gorgeous, lived-in loafers, and I was excited to see what they’d release in the way of clothing. I keep ogling at their $$$ sweatshirts. Why do the expensive garments always have the best fit and silhouette?! Gap has a really good basic sweatshirt in solid colors — gray, navy, etc. — that I’d recommend if you’re in the market but not looking to spend as much. I have this in navy and wear it a lot. Not as cropped as the Haller, but a really good fit.
+I’m going to see Kacey Musgraves perform in a few weeks (!!!) and everything from Alix of Bohemia’s latest collection is pitch-perfect music concert outfitting (but especially for Spacey Kacey). I keep thinking about this wild and cool jacket, and this “arrow dress” (follow your arrow!). These are investments but so unique and small-batch and the details are beyond. Alix has offered us 10% off with code JEN-10. If you haven’t tried her divinely soft blockprint blouses, this is your sign!
By: Jen Shoop
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Q: Long weekend in Nantucket in October – day and night outfits please.
A: Fun! Don’t forget to throw Swan Song in your duffel! I’d pack sweaters like this (look for less with this) and this (look for less with this or this), base layers like this or this, on-trend jeans, a fashion-forward flat, and a great bag (this, this). Throw an on-trend barn jacket like this (look for less with this) into the bag, too. For evenings, layer a slip skirt or dress like this beneath the cashmere cardigan and barn coat and swap in these heels.
Q: Church outfits for fall and winter (preferably dresses or skirts).
A: I like something like this or this. Wear now with a suede or leather sandal, in fall with a smart flat, and in winter with a suede boot.
Q: Boots I can cover extensive ground with in London and the countryside this fall.
A: Tall boots are feeling in and again, and I trust Loeffler Randall implicitly. I have boots of theirs from a decade ago! These have a smart low heel, but if you need something with no heel, I love these Dear Frances ones and these Larroudes. (I’m erring on the side of no suede because you mentioned countryside walking.)
Q: Baptism in November/Nashville/Episcopal church. I’m the Godmother.
A: I personally prefer a bootie with an elongated/pointed toe — when you’re pairing with jeans, they elongate the leg. I love these and these. A little over, but I also love these — so chic with the captoe.
A: This Madewell I’ve been sharing a lot — so good! Upgrade pick: Aureum (20% off with JENS20).
Q: Cute flats for a mom chasing twins but also nice enough for going out to dinner.
A: Loeffler Randall Leonies are the most comfortable flat, right out of the box. The strap keeps them on foot while chasing littles. But they are SO chic — and look right at home with jeans as well as dresses.
Q: Swivel chair that’s not exorbitant for LR.
A: I’d look at the options from The Inside, Williams-Sonoma, and Birch Lane (this, this)! I love that you can find interesting patterns from The Inside and BL, but without paying $3K a chair.
Today, I’m republishing an essay from a year ago. Its sentiment occurs to me often — a foothold when I need one. I reached for it heavily when we lost our Tilly in February and it felt that our house would never be the same. I still catch myself hearing her paws or the jangle of her collar every now and then, and I realize, with a sinking heart, that I am casting after her ghost. I sit with that acute loss for a minute, and then I remind myself that I am never empty-pocketed. That I have her memory, and the promise of a future dog, and that life will continue to replenish me.
****
For years, I have avoided Hanya Yanagihara because what little I know about her award-winning novel, A Little Life, is distressing enough to disquiet me from afar. I don’t think I could handle it. My sister, who knows my triggers and worries well, has insisted it is not for me, and I take her word for it. That said, I have encountered pieces of the writing from this book here and there, and I marvel over her work, even decontextualized. I have had this Hanya Yanagihara quote saved in a journal for awhile:
“Things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases, you realize that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully.”
The language here releases me in twenty different directions. First, I think of loss and the way life slowly “takes root around the perimeter,” rearranging itself around new contours and dips and sinkholes. Areas that used to be packed sturdy now run tender but we learn how to accommodate those soft spots, or we feel newly grateful for terra firma. People come out of the woodwork, new doors open, we see the corners of our worlds in fresh — sometimes painfully fresh — ways.
I have experienced this rearrangement so many times, and not even for life’s heavier moments. Sometimes I am caught up in a trivial stress and I step outside and find myself newly happy for the simplicity of suburban life, as though the cardinals and bunnies and dew are apology notes.
I felt that way, too, in New York City. Our good friends (longtime Manhattanites) insisted when we moved there that “New York always makes it up to you.” I didn’t know what they meant until I realized that for every instance of missed subway stops, disgusting city detritus, “no more tables available,” stranger-making-an-uncomfortable-scene, fussy lines and long waits, there were also “the pinch mes”: 85th street blanketed in snow, Jackie O. in the spring, the way you almost can’t believe the shock of the cityscape against a night sky, the bald drama of it all. The way the staff at Barney Greengrass make you feel like you’re doing something wrong while ordering, and you never know where to stand there or what the protocols for lox and accoutrements are, but you’re still part of it, and it feels magical and slightly staged, as if the entire city is an elaborate performance of itself, and you are — against all odds — among the cast. New York bustles, and sometimes it is a grind and other times you move with its electricity, as though an extension of its tentacle.
Anyhow, these are fibrous examples, but I read those words from Yanagihara and I see a kind of philosophy of life that has played out so frequently in my own: the way life bends and bounces back, resilient.
The way we lose so much as we live — opportunities, friendships, loved ones, rhythms, places — but we are never empty-pocketed. Life continues to replenish us. Sometimes not with what we think we want or need, but I tend to believe that often these compensations are unexpectedly wonderful.
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+This featherweight cashmere polo (one of my favorite silhouettes ever) is in my cart in both the cheerful red and the elegant ink navy.
+Guys, I’m not even a heel girl anymore but I really think I need these boots. They are divine; they are perfect. Probably more practical to go with VB’s lower-heeled, similar option but…the proportions of the first are just beyond ideal.
+My husband, who buys essentially nothing for himself (only splurges: cookbooks and high quality ingredients), sent me a text with a link to this new coffee machine from Fellow. (Tagline: “Pour-over quality coffee with the press of a button.”) He loves to hand-grind his beans and follow his elaborate and perfect pourover process, but we are also pragmatics and often brew our daily cups from the Moccamaster (which we love, too). Still, ever the coffee perfectionist, he’s eyeing this machine. I have to buy it for him, right?! Has anyone gotten their hands on one?
+These juice glasses are so charming. Love the ones with the cherry motif!
+I used this face mask over the weekend and was reminded of how insanely good it is. Really feels like you’re freezing your face — in the best way — and your skin is instantly refreshed, recharged. Clarins does not mess around. Their products work so well.
+If you’re looking for a great gift for a new mama, these oversized quilted Pehr pouches are it. They hold SO MUCH, come in the cutest prints, and are the perfect thing to switch between diaper bags with all the real, real essentials (a few diapers, a slim pack of wipes, pacifier, a few food pouches, etc.). I’m also a big fan of this brand’s fabric soft-sided bins. We have them for various smaller sets of toys (perfect for your daughter’s Maileg set, Barbie clothes, etc) and I also like to use them as the gift basket for a new mama to be and filled with some of my favorite essentials. I wrap the entire thing in cello with a big satin ribbon for a sweet presentation.
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I’ve written several times about both of these nano-trends, but I’ve seen so many chic pieces popping up in rich brown suede, and/or with chunky gold detailing. Together, they speak of an ambient style narrative — these styles work so well with all of the chocolate browns, wide legs, barn coats that accompany them in the market this season. (Above, I’m wearing this Parker Thatch bag, Quince slides, this Aureum belt, Spanx shorts, and this Kule tee. It felt fall but still appropriate for current season weather.)
01. A perfect belt for fall at a great price point. Combines both nano-trends. Upgrade pick: Aureum (20% off with JENS20), seen above.
02. My Elleme handbag. The handle that started it all for me! I have to say, this is a unicorn bag — she somehow feels like the right shape, size, and level of dressiness for almost any occasion? Can be worn with a cocktail dress; can be worn with jeans and a tee. She’s everything. Look for less with this. I also still can’t stop thinking about the Savette pochettes. Suede and gold hardware – so good.
03. My loafers (15% off with MAGPIE15). Plan to wear with everything this fall. Upgrade pick: Miu Miu; budget buy: these. And if you’re not a loafer gal, you must contemplate VB’s Beatrix flats in the perfect shade of brown, on sale for 50% off.
04. Toteme’s bucket tote is majorly trending at the moment — you can get the look for less with this (I own in a brown leather and she’s gorgeous), or opt for something with a tad more structure (as I did) with this delicious Parker Thatch tote. VB also launched a beautiful, structured ladylike bag this month that comes in a gorgeous brown suede with an elegant gold detail, and if you’re after something minimalist, I’m loving the clean lines of this Little Liffner tote.
05. Investment, but wow — this suede blazer. This more casual chore-style shacket situation is also piquing my interest. I’d need to reflect on how to style this so it’s not too boxy on me.
Placing them in conversation with other trending silhouettes / styles:
P.P.P.S. A delicious and easy end of summer dessert.
By: Jen Shoop
I finally got around to reading My Brilliant Friend, a fervent Magpie reader recommendation for years now, and I can’t wait to unpack it and compare notes with you all here. I kept flirting with picking it up, and then I’d hear people say, “It’s slow to start, but stick with it” — a consistently effective deterrent. When the NYT ranked it the number one book of the 21st century earlier this year, though, I decided I had to fill the resume gap, and I’m so glad I did.
I’d put this book in the “I’m so happy I read it, and the more I think about it, the more I appreciate it” category. I’d place it right next to Rachel Cusk’s Outline in this sense. I think about Outline a lot more than most novels I’ve read because of its crisp, almost imagistic realness and originality, and yet it’s not something I’m drawn to re-read, for precisely those same reasons. These are hard, sharp books. With both, I think of Hemingway’s advice on good writing: “Write one true sentence.” Here are two novels of profoundly true prose: there is no way to imagine someone writing with such precision and peculiarity unless they’ve lived through those sentiments before. I think this in part fuels My Brilliant Friend‘s extraordinary logic and appeal: throughout, we find ourselves asking, where is the line between reality and fiction? And what is the relationship between author and text? Nowhere is this more explicitly conjured than in the scene in which Elena survives a sexual assault while vacationing in Ischia, and then says: “In fact this is the first time I’ve sought words for that unexpected end to my vacation.” This is (at least, to my memory) the first time we understand Elena is writing her experience — not just narrating as a first person narrator. We are throttled out of the story and into another story, the one in which Elena is writing the narrative of her relationship with Lila, and we must settle into a different readerly context. Why is she writing? To whom? Is this an intimate letter, a private journal, a published piece? Because Elena is a gifted student, and we learn in some detail about her journey as a writer across the novel, we contemplate a possibility in which Elena has become a published author and transformed her friend Lila into a fictional subject, and then of course we wonder how that Elena relates to Elena Ferrante, the author of My Brilliant Friend. There is an accordioning of fictional layers. (Another complicating feuille introduces itself when we learn, outside of the novel, that Elena Ferrante is a nom de plume, and no one knows who she is.) But why does Elena Ferrante the author wait until this moment to let us know that Elena the character is writing her experience? We must sit with that revelation, and observe the way it changes the heuristics of our reading.
Ferrante explicitly calls attention to these questions of authorship throughout the novel. Elena the character consciously mimics Lila’s writing style, and is rewarded for it; there are several instances in which writers reveal themselves after the fact, e.g., when Nino’s father reads a published essay aloud before announcing himself as its author. There is also the instance in which Elena submits an essay she’s written, but Lila’s edited and copied it in her own hand. Ferrante is clearly pointing us to ask: What is the relationship between an author and her work? In Ferrante’s hands, the answer is obscure, non-linear, irreducible, which complicates the girls’ core belief (cribbed from their obsessive reading and re-reading of Little Women — again a collapsing of text and reader) that becoming a published author will be an escape from poverty. Interestingly, however, in the novel, published works can also be destructive, implosive, even violent in some cases. One of the neighborhood’s core dramas centers around one man giving a book of romantic poems to another man’s wife. This leads to decades, and generations, of conflict. And so throughout the novel, we consider the ways readership and authorship can both create and destroy — sometimes simultaneously.
Setting aside the book’s self-conscious literariness, I found Ferrante’s presentation of girlhood, and specifically the holophrastics of youth — the way we merge and associate certain people, moments, experiences with one another — nothing short of brilliant. The early pages of the novel called to mind the opening of James Joyce’s A Portrait of an Artist, in which we are observing a young mind as it first encounters the auditory phenomena of life, as if in real-time. There is, though, something holophrastic about novel’s style more generally. Much is presupposed, or intimated, rather than explicitly shown. Ferrante’s unadorned, thrifty style underscores this sensation. The reader must fill a lot of blanks, which makes for an interestingly intimate reading experience — one in which I found myself more drawn than usual to writing myself onto the page. For example, though the specifics of these characters’ lives are as foreign to my own as chalk and cheese, I found myself in Elena, and specifically the way she is academically oriented but intellectually unconfident. When I think back on the novel, though, I wonder how much of this was on the page versus intimated and then elaborated upon by yours truly? And so I think again about authorship, ownership, readership, and the blurred lines between.
We’ve now talked about the novel as a bildungsroman as well as a Borges-like interrogation of text and authorship, but there is a third kind of story in front of us: a fable-like tale of poverty, (male) violence, and sex. We could spend hours dissecting this novel from a Marxist / class-based lens. After all, the plot’s principle mechanics are foisted on the two girls at its center, and almost always at the hands of angry, aggressively physical men. We are left hanging — literally hanging! — at the end of this novel when we learn that Lila’s new husband seems to have made a callous, money-driven decision to sell the shoes Lila and her brother made (the shoes being shorthand for art — and art that notably misshaped and hurt Lila in its creation) behind her back to a man with whom she has a violent history herself. There is a lot going on in this moment, and yet — per her economical style — Ferrante gives us very little to work with. We must instead sift through the dynamic relationships between sex, business, pride, art, social class, and intelligence that this one transaction seems to contain.
All in all, I have to agree with the NYT that this novel is essential reading. I consider it one of the better, and more important, books I’ve read in the past decade. Do I consider it one of my favorite reads, though? No. Though gripping, I did not find it pleasant reading, which begs the broader question: why do we read? And how do we define a “good” book?
Please share your thoughts. Should I continue on with the series? (This is the first in Ferrante’s four Neapolitan novels.) I did order the second one already because it was, for some reason, marked down to $3 on Amazon Kindle!
Post-Scripts.
+For a flavor change: great beach reads. I think my favorites were Carley Fortune’s This Summer Will Be Different and Swan Song. Easy, evocative, just what you want them to be.
+Also really enjoyed God of the Woods, pitched to me as “a literary mystery.”
+First, I used a random number generator to select a winner for the UBeauty lip plasma, and it’s Lisa Horten! I’ll email her to let her know. I’ll do this again soon with something else I love! (And you can still get 20% off the plasma with code JENSHOOP.)
+A recent discovery that everyone needs to know about: AYR’s Early Morning Tee. It’s oversized, it’s got the casual cool dropped shoulder, it’s exactly what you want to wear as a top layer. Somewhere between a tee and a sweatshirt. SO GOOD. I have it in the brown, but did you notice the black/white is called “Magpie Stripe”?! I think I need that one, too.
+You need this shoe organizer. It’s FAR superior to any other shoe storage option I’ve considered.
+OK, Madewell just released their wildly popular darted leg barrel jeans in a brown color. RUN. These are sure to sell out – these have been a Magpie bestseller by a landslide the past few weeks, and I keep seeing them all over the Internet. The new brown and ecru colors (sadly not available in petite inseams!) are SO good. (You know how I feel about colored denim for the season ahead!). I did order myself a pair of the jeans in the petite inseam in the Dobbins wash, influenced by you all! Word on the street is to size down, which is what I did. Will style when they arrive!
+Similar in style, but upgrade picks: Nili Lotan Shons (better for tall Magpies – these were so popular in the Hamptons last year, one of my friends called them “The Hampton Pant”) and Mother Half-Pipes (several Magpie readers have raved about these). If you like the silhouette but are on the petite side, you might also consider these Velvet x Graham Spencer pants — I own and LOVE them. A little more tailored. These shapes are very relevant this season!
+For my Magpie workerbees: Banana has just come out with a line of ponte knit pants perfect for the office, and at a great price point. Love these and these. The latter call to mind Highsport’s divisive crop flares (someone called these “the substack pant” because so many fashion writers on the platform swore by them — but they are absurdly expensive!), and Donni’s look for less option, but with a touch more professionalism. (I own and love the Donnis; more colors here.)
+If you’re still living in summer wardrobe territory with no intention of thinking about fall, what I currently want to wear: shorts like these or these (60% off!) with a button-down.
+CHIC date night top, under $130 (plus, use YOUROCK for 20% off). I love that gold hardware detail — written about this several times, but I’ve noticed this nano-trend on bags, shoes, and now tops of having a bit of heavy gold polished hardware. Love!
+Veronica Beard can take all my money. Just noticed this gray coat. Drool.
I love scrolling Etsy to collect unique pieces — whether it be clothing, home decor, or kids finds. Below, a mixed bag of all the finds that have turned my head!
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I’ve shared my strategy for staying on top of the never-ending avalanche of “life admin tasks” before: I use this inexpensive planner to schedule to-do items against a calendar. This means that if I receive school emails with various minutaie I will inevitably forget — pizza day on x; donate cans on y; “dress for a luau day” on z — I will add to my calendar as soon as I receive the email so I can then delete it and forget about it until it needs to be remembered. (Specifically, I’ll make a note for the day before pizza day: “Pizza day tomorrow!” so I remember not to pack lunch, or “buy cans for drive” three days before cans for a drive are due so I have a little give and can buy them whenever I’m headed to the grocery within that three day window.) This strategy is helpful because I can space out admin items (e.g., “order uniforms” Monday, and “buy school supplies” a few days later) so that I’m not waterlogged by tasks on any given day. It also helps me protect my mental bandwidth. I can fly through my inbox, assigning micro-tasks to myself for a week, two weeks, three weeks from now and then I know I won’t drop the ball, but can permit myself to forget about them until they matter.
I also try to check my inbox sporadically — a few times a day — versus continuously, because it helps me feel less bombarded by demands. I will look at you when I’m ready to look at you. (Ha!) I turned off the email preview function on my iPhone so that I will just see an alert that I have new emails without seeing who sent them — so I’m not lured in, angler fish style.
I used to do something even more systematic back when I was running a tech business and had a lot of inbound inquiries that were not urgent, but that I wanted to get back to when convenient: I created a tag in my Google inbox labeled something like “Friday Emails,” and if I decided the correspondence did not require an immediate reply, I would tag it with the “Friday Email” label and then archive it. On Friday afternoons, when I was already running low on energy and unlikely to accomplish much substantive work, I’d put on some music, grab an ice coffee, and power through those notes all at once. This enabled me to free up my focus for what mattered during my most productive work days — but ensured I would get back to these people at some point. Perhaps I will implement something similar again.
I don’t know how you feel about email and text etiquette, but the flood of correspondence via both of these channels has made it very difficult to respond in a timely way. I am an inbox zero girl, and I do read everything that comes across my phone/desk, but I find myself increasingly looking for ways to avoid my inbox, reduce time spent in texts, etc. I want to live my life, not plan for it behind a screen. My husband often rails against email culture in particular. He points out that when we were growing up, schools had to carefully plan, copy-edit, and print every important correspondence to either mail or send home with children. These messages cost something, and were handled accordingly. Now it is so cheap and easy to lob something over to a recipient via email! We might receive a ten or twenty messages in a week about our children’s activities, school, goings-on, etc., and at some point, we will miss something, or we skip or skim, or corrections are sent that cause crossed wires, etc! I don’t have a solution for this, of course. It’s wonderful that we can get information so quickly and easily, and I like the function of being able to search my inbox for details, but — my God. It’s a lot of noise, isn’t it?
Sometimes it feels like I’m just an enormous information filter. I’m absorbing all of this stuff I have to do and all of these logistics I need to coordinate — and I become ornery about it, which in turns means I become a more porous version of a filter than I should. I can’t be bothered to print, sign, scan, and email that sunscreen authorization form for camp today. I’ve been trying to update the name on my Delta SkyMiles since I got married, and now it really matters, and I cannot fathom getting on the phone to sort it out. The last thing I want to do is figure out why I’m locked out of my Lands End account for ordering the kids’ uniforms.
What do we do on these days? How do we muscle through and get it done?
Here are a few things I do when I am running low on admin energy:
01. I tackle a cluster of quick wins — things that only require a quick email, an e-signature, etc. Then I joyfully and dramatically mark them as complete on my to do list for today. Sometimes I even fudge this a bit by adding items I’ve already completed — e.g., maybe this morning I placed an order for Emory’s eye patches; I’ll add that in post-completion and tick it off with flourish. Why not!? The minute I see that I’ve tackled half or more of my daily to-dos, I feel a little rush of relief.
02. I timebox — I set a timer for thirty minutes and tell myself to accomplish as many of the items on my list as I can, and then reassign anything unaccomplished for tomorrow, the next day, etc. Somehow, creating an arbitrary end time can motivate me to muscle through and get a few things done. You can do anything for thirty minutes!
03. I ask for help. Mr. Magpie and I are pretty egalitarian about household tasks — I handle the lion’s share of the children’s stuff (clothes, school assignments and events, activities, gear, childcare) and our social calendar, and he handles the lion’s share of cooking and maintaining the house. But every now and then I decide I really cannot motivate myself to get something done even if it falls under my purview. This year, it was figuring out what soccer league to send our daughter to. Magpies, I could not. I could not! And so I asked Mr. Magpie to tap in there. Hopefully I return the favor!
04. I reassign tasks to spread them out more evenly across the week. Buying white out pens has helped me feel better about the manual process of reassigning items to another day via my planner. I used to hate seeing items crossed out versus checked off (type A much?! completion desire is real!) — now I just erase them with these. Problem solved.
05. I ask whether that thing really needs to be done right now. Sometimes I am surprised by the answer to this. I was dragging my feet for weeks (!) about finding a new dentist, and I kept reassigning it to myself each Monday for the following Monday, and then I decided, “You know what, I just had my teeth cleaned last month, I can punt this off for another few months before it really matters — just make sure it gets done before I need to schedule my next six month cleaning.” And it felt like a weight had been lifted. Sometimes I also ask: “What would happen if I just didn’t dothis?” Would it really matter? In an ideal world, we can get it all done, but…? At what expense? For example, Mr. Magpie and I have a long, growing list of items to consign, sell, donate, and yet we find ourselves with no extra space in the margins for these low-yield undertakings. So what?! We will get to them when we get to them. For now, we are focused on more urgent matters.
06. Take a day off admin. I specifically try to avoid assigning admin tasks (if possible) on Mondays! I always feel like I’m catching up and in need of an easy on-ramp at the head of the week, so why pack it with more stuff? It feels so refreshing to have a Monday with a short to-do list.
07. I break the task down into smaller “to-do” parts. Sometimes this means adding a few to-do items to a single day so I feel like I’m rewarding myself for a multi-step task — but other times it means I can scatter those micro-tasks across a few days versus having them all pile up at once.
08. I time myself doing a recurring task. This was a helpful Magpie reader suggestion: time yourself folding the laundry, taking the kids to school, dropping off the dry cleaning. How long does it actually take? Longer or shorter than you’d mentally imagined? It’s all about creating a realistic preview. In general, I find I underestimate how long things will take, so this has helped me make more space for certain tasks, and in turn ensure tht I don’t feel as rushed throughout the day, or as if I’ve under-delivered at its end. On the flipside, if you discover that, say, checking the spam filter on your blog takes only three minutes each day whereas you’d imagined it would take fifteen, it can help motivate you to knock those tasks out. (“Just three minutes!”)
09. Make it as comfortable and pleasant as possible. Put on a good playlist — this chore one, this quiet work one! — and make yourself a latte! Treat yourself to delivery for lunch if you’ve knocked out your morning to-dos! Put on a romantic comedy while you’re filling out medical paperwork or shredding files!
10. Rearrange my workspace. Sometimes just clearing my desk of clutter, filing paper away, taking out the trash, etc makes me feel a bit readier to tackle my to-dos. Visual noise can be distracting and demotivating.
What do you find helpful when you just need to get it done?!
+Just bought a stack of gym towels to use in our little gym area while doing my Heather Robertson videos. Perfect for your gym cart! I love organizing little nooks of our home to make them look better and feel more functional.
+A splurge, but this cashmere striped henley is in my closet and I predict it will get an absolute ton of wear. I like the idea of it paired with a slip skirt, tucked into high-waisted colored denim, layered beneath other knits, paired with the Colbys (as seen here). It’s divinely soft. I love a henley neckline, too – can make winter knits a bit sexier.
+Sarah called it in her Substack this past week, but zip-front dresses are having a moment. Love this one she shared from Me + Em, and you know I love this oversized Aligne! It runs enormous but looks very chic (IMO) with a simple mary jane / ballet flat. La Ligne’s Selby is the sexier version of this nano-trend.
+Worth noting that all of those dresses are DENIM — so many great denim dresses out right now. More of my favorites here. I have been living in this denim dress on the weekends especially (I believe you can get $50 off with either code ESCAPE or SUMMER50). It just feels so easy, and you can make it more contemporary by throwing on a trendy pair of sandals! (Currently obsessing over these after seeing them on Cassandra (second slide).)
+Loving these black flat boots. I keep noticing gold hardware as a micro-trend — on hair accessories, shoes, bags! Love this take.
+New in from J. Crew: this sweater trench situation (!) and this cable knit short sleeved sweater, which I immediately imagined pairing with silky trousers (look for less with these).
+I just ordered my son one of these classic navy blazers to wear this holiday season while 50% off. I’ll be hunting for some cute cords or plaid trousers to pair them with for holiday!
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A girlfriend of mine introduced me to the podcast A Thing or Two this week and I’ve listened to several episodes while running (typically, running is a For Music Only undertaking, but it turns out that you can teach an old dog new tricks, so here we are). It’s like going for a jog with two funny, observant girlfriends but not having to say anything myself. In one of them, Erica and Claire discuss the concept of things that are “regrettably worth it” (RWIs, in their patois), with Skims and “stretching” as demonstrative examples. (Ha!) I found the notion delightful and drew up my own list:
Investing in a no-skips, high quality underwear drawer (all our favorites here)
Being the bigger person
Professional blowouts when you want to feel your best
Mainly, these are things that are unsexy and involve some measure of mature restraint or parsimonious pre-calculation. For example, I absolutely loathe spending money at the tailor, and yet I always find the results worth it. You not only look better but feel better when clothes fit you properly, and you also tend to prolong the lifespan of the garment, as you are more likely to wear something that fits well. Still, you should see the way I drag my feet to avoid the errand. I feel a strange mix of virtuousness and profligacy when I complete it. It feels “responsible” and “adult,” and I know I’ll appreciate the results, but it’s also a dry-as-dust way to spend $100.
On the things-that-are-over-marketed-but-still-really-good-and-really-worth-it side of the conversation, I’d have to put Hunza G swimsuits (love the Pamela in particular), Lake Pajamas, Hanky Panky lace unders (specifically in the neutral colors – I don’t even mess around with colored ones anymore; these are invisible beneath white/semi-sheer), Clarins Double Serum, Merit makeup (for that low-maintenance, barely-there everyday cosmetic routine), and Boll & Branch sheeting. Are they everywhere all at once? Yes, but I swear by them and buy them routinely, and I know most — or many — of you do, too. (*N.B. that a Magpie reader recently asked for my favorite sheeting and I said I prefer my Boll & Branch to Matouk. Matouk has better patterns, but I found it much more prone to wrinkling, and the B&B soften with each wash in the most appealing way. However, if you’re looking to invest, I would take a look at Yves Delorme. I’ve slept on their sheeting in several nice hotels and it is incredible. But for a budget, don’t miss Target’s 400 thread-count sheeting — I bought this originally as a “back up set” for our primary bedroom and now cycle it in with my B&B without hesitation. Surprisingly well-made for a great price.)
Curious what you might add to this list, whether on the side of boring-things-that-are-definitely-worth-doing, or hyped items that you reluctantly tried and admittedly love? (I just ordered my Dyson AirWrap and am very curious about where this one will land. I’ve heard some women rant about it, and others rave about it. But, as Erica and Claire pointed out, one woman’s RWI is another woman’s RNWI (regrettably not worth it).)
On a totally different thread, I thought a lot this week about how to navigate criticism when you are building something, and generally how to work through the awkwardness of starting something new. The theme seemed to be everywhere I looked this week. It started when a Magpie reader emailed me about it (as I mentioned yesterday), and then I found the motif cropping up elsewhere:
+I went to see Caroline Chambers speak and she touched on the early days of starting her now-massively-popular Substack (specifically citing the times she’d beg friends and aunts to like her early instagram posts) and the imposter-syndrome “roil” of waiting for her book to come out and worrying it would be hated, would miss the mark, etc;
+Tinx said that “everything is cringe until you become good at it”;
+Grace Atwood talked about a trending essay that someone wrote about how Substack is contributing to the mediocrity of writing these days that she (Grace, along with other readers) found wounding.
I shared some encouragement for athletes-at-the-start-line in yesterday’s post, but one thing I have been asking myself on this subject is how to draw the line between staying open to feedback and knowing when to “make like a duck” and let things slick right off your back (easier said than done). I’ve been in the company of a few people who navigate this quandary well, and they seem to possess a rare mix of confidence and anti-ego. I am thinking of a former boss who was astoundingly self-assured (especially on a dais, or when pitching — airtight, headstrong, convicted in his own thinking), but would also sit with you and display incredible humility and open-mindedness in taking feedback. I always thought he had a finely tuned B.S. radar. He used questions to un-stick himself when he felt he was being unfairly critiqued or probed by someone lacking the credential to do so. (“I’m so curious why you’d say that — can you tell me more?” and “Hm. What led you to that assumption?” A lot of nervous chair-scraping and throat-clearing followed.) But more often than not, he’d sit in the hot seat, graciously take the feedback, and then let it evaporate into thin air immediately afterward. I remember many post-presentation walks in which I’d trot alongside him, my mind swirling with thoughts to share in our debrief, and he’d already have let the entire thing go. “What’s next, Jen?” he’d ask. I think he made an early peace with Emerson’s theorem: “to be successful is to be misunderstood,” and knew intuitively to put his energy into what mattered to him, which is to say, the forward movement of his business–and not battling or worrying about every dissenting opinion over how he was doing it. I see now the strength of vision this required of him, and his adeptness in quickly differentiating between useful feedback and noise. He knew how to let the right ones in.
How do we get there, though? I think it all comes back to the “that’s one data point” perspective I shared yesterday. This is not only a functional practice but a way of taking the sting out of the bee, you know? Like – “OK, thanks for that one opinion; who’s next?” Back in my product development days, we’d say “feedback is a gift,” and we’d organize it into categories, look for patterns, and place the outliers at the very bottom of the grid. So let the bogus feedback filter to where it properly belongs.
Is this helpful?
Possibly no, because no matter what strategies and visualizations you have in place, no matter how humble you intend to be, there is nothing quite like being told you are out of line, not doing a good job, failing at something you are trying really hard to do well. Even if you realize it says more about the speaker. Even if you treat it as “one data point.” It hurts! And it sucks! And if you are licking your wounds right now, the most helpful thing I can say is that this, too, will pass, and one day, you will realize that this feedback galvanized you in ways you can’t now imagine. You’ll work harder because of it, incorporate the feedback and get better because of it, or develop a thick skin that will make future unpleasantness easier. So, as we say, onward —
The best scalp scrub ever has been in heavy rotation was we round the end of summer — the best for getting sweat, chlorine, sand, sunscreen out of your hair! I use in lieu of shampoo 1-2x a week. The prelude to a great hair day. And it’s on sale here! (Today is the final day of Shopbop’s 20% off beauty promotion — all my picks here. But trust me, this one you need.)
While we’re talking beauty, Honest sent me a bundle of their bestsellers, and I am really liking their gentle calendula facial cleanser and wipes. A facialist once told me not to overspend on cleansers since they spend so little time on your face, and this one (under $20) is a new favorite that fits the bill. And on the left: new UBeauty lip plasma colors! I absolutely love this product. I noticed that my girlfriend had one in her bag the other day — and we’d never talked about them before! They plump your lips and come in the best colors. 20% off with JENSHOOP! Actually, I like them so much, I want to gift one to a reader who. needs to be introduced to their magic. Just leave a comment and I’ll randomly pick a winner to send a tube to!
Some little vignettes of inspiration and creativity: still making my way through Margaret Renkl’s Comfort of Crows book (a series of short musings on the natural world — I try to read one with coffee in the morning when I can) and some hand-drafting in my beloved Appointed notebooks. I was writing in green ink, which always reminds me of one of my best friends, who ONLY writes in green ink. Our lives become mosaics of the people we love…
My daughter, an extension of my own gesture: mothering her Beanie Boos and creating a library in our bathroom. I saw these two moments and I thought of that gutting poem, “Beattie Is Three“:
We take our time Down the steep carpetway As I wish silently That the stairs were endless..
Finally, I took no photos when I took a girlfriend to see Caroline Chambers speak at The Lincoln Theater on U Street, but the energy at that event was beautiful: women cheering for other women. At one point, a baby was crying and Caro said: “I just want to say, to whoever brought that baby, I’m so happy you’re here!” The kind of crew you want to be a part of.
I did, however, take a photo of my frozen spicy watermelon margarita from Jane Jane, and it feels like a good place to wrap this week — a snapshot of sisterhood and watermelons, a subject about which Erica and Claire had some hilarious commentary earlier this week, too! (Look up their podcast in which they interview Tessa Bailey and you’ll understand. Did you know there are male and female watermelons?!)
And lastly, would it even be a Magpie Sunday without a little shopping poetry?
First: for my fellow runners, Tracksmith is running a rare sale that ends today. I was late to the party (thanks to a Magpie for alerting me!). This is the best quality running gear on the market IMO. I bought extra pairs of their Twilight shorts and Harrier tees. I especially like their turnover tights for cold weather – they somehow keep you warm but are non-bulky. Just exceptionally well-made. I find their bottoms run TINY and go up a size. Tops run TTS.
Boxer short summer – I love these in navy and these in stripe // Your baby girl needs this Canadian tuxedo // Contemplating buying a birdfeeder, and this one is at the top of my list // CHIC under $100 clutch // A perfect reversible coat // LOVE this poplin dress, just which color to get?! // If you don’t have one of these Ubbi bath toy organizers, you need one (bottom has a tray that drains water so toys don’t get moldy) // Best scalp scrub (20% off) // Kule tees forever // My favorite lip plumper
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+PAST VERSIONS OF US: Loved the image of past versions of us gathering for coffee from a poem by Jennae Cecelia. Do you think of yourself as one long, linear arc or a sequence of separate yous that you’ve shed over time, exoskeleton style? Interesting to contemplate. I have a sense there’s more continuity in me than I’d like to imagine, but I love the vision of former selves gathering to cheer me on. It reminded me of the concept that we’re always mothering future versions of ourselves.
+IS YOUR STYLE SHIFTING? Related to the above musing: I’ve felt this summer a change in my style sensibility. For one thing, I’ve always been A Dress Girl, but this summer, I’ve worn a lot more separates and, specifically, shorts and pants. For another, I almost couldn’t bring myself to wear the fleet of boldly patterned caftans I’ve favored over the past few summers — they just never felt like what I wanted to wear? I’d go into my closet, which is packed with colorful sundresses, and I’d come out with a button down and boxer shorts, or a Sold Out tee and a midi skirt. I find myself pinning and liking images like the one below (via here) on Instagram. I can’t tell if this is an age thing (just turned 40), or an ambient style thing (ruffles, puffed sleeves feel out), or just one of those “you’re in evolution” moments. I came across this essay from Substacker Harling Ross Anton (via Sarah, conduit of so much great retail intel) and she explores the same subject, and how to, logistically, respond to it. Has this happened to you? How have you responded?
(And if you’re in the same boat and looking admiringly at the photos below, you might consider this Jenni Kayne skirt, this watch, this tuxedo-front button down, a simple sandal like this, and this polished tee.)
+CARO CHAMBERS: The Internet’s best friend, Caro Chambers, just released her cookbook (“What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking”) this week, and there’s been a big and deserved buzz. It’s been such a joy to watch her share her experience via Instagram — Good Morning America, lots of interviews and podcasts — as she’s been gleefully pinching herself, excitedly and nervously jumping into the arena, and just generally making you want to cheer for her. I went to see her speak at Lincoln Theater with a girlfriend this week! (At time of writing this, I’ve not yet been, but will share details after!). One thing I try to do — support authors I love by attending any local speaking events, book launches, etc!
+GENERATIONAL DIVIDE: I laughed out loud at this video poking fun at how much more sophisticated Gen Z-ers are than we were a teens. I had to send it to a few of my high school girlfriends — it triggered immediate flashbacks to us recording a flailing, awkward video to Mariah Carey’s “Heartbreaker” as teens. The younger generations have learned how to curate and present themselves so much earlier…? Adjacent: a Magpie reader recently commented about the phenomenon of tweens getting into beauty/skincare, and not just Bonne Belle Lip Smackers and Limited Too glitter goop — we’re talking Drunk Elephant masks and serums! I’m not sure what to make of that. It feels too young. I also think all generations think the ones following are maturing much earlier than they did, but is that really the case? Sometimes I look at photos of my grandparents and their generation and think they looked so mature at the age of 16 — and they probably were. They had jobs, and had left their mother countries for America, and entire life stories under their belts. I don’t know – interesting to contemplate.
+EYEING + BUYING: You know I’m all in on the colored denim trend. I have my fix with these VB Taylors, but this lighter-wash SLVRLAKEs would be a good alternate pick. Everything below is high on my radar. Chic pieces for this transitional time.
+LET PEOPLE BE WRONG ABOUT YOU: A Magpie wrote to me last week about navigating criticism and nay-saying as she’s getting her business off the ground. I feel like I could talk forever about this subject, but a few things that float to the top of my mind: 1) Think of feedback (good and bad) as data. That’s one data point you need to consider and weigh against other inputs, voices, instincts. 2) Remember that you are in the arena, and they (usually) are not. Put on your armor, keep a calm and smooth countenance, and unpack it privately. 3) A lot of people cope by projecting — if you think of it this way, you can often find a way to not take the criticism personally. Doesn’t excuse the speaker, by the way — it just gives you leeway to distance yourself from what they’ve said. 4) You cannot control the actions or comments of others — but you can control how you respond. That’s your power. 5) If it’s someone who doesn’t know you or your business well, ask yourself: “why would I accept directions from someone who has no idea where I’m headed?” 6) Just keeping swimming, just keep swimming. 7) Listen to Brandi Carlile’s “The Joke” — wowza. Promise it will make you feel better. (“Let ’em laugh while they can / Let ’em spin, let ’em scatter in the wind / I have been to the movies, I’ve seen how it ends / And the joke’s on them.”) You might also re-read Teddy Roosevelt’s thoughts on being in the arena — “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.” Doesn’t that send a shiver straight down your spine?! You got this, girl! You’re in the arena!
But the big through-line is to keep your head down and keep going. Let people be wrong about you. Jerry Seinfeld riffed on this theme in this interview. Don’t worry about anything but getting better at what you want to do. I’m cheering you on, whether you are also starting a business, trying your hand at something new, or just overwhelmed by lots of feedback (happens a lot as a mom!). Keep going; let them be wrong!
+BESTSELLERS: All things denim this week! This denim maxi is back at the top of the list! I totally get it, especially in re: my point about my style shifting. This is more of the silhouette I’m into when it comes to dresses: simple, unfussy. You can see me in it here! Also popular this week: lots of jeans for fall! So many of you bought these Ayrs and these espresso-colored Gap jeans!
