Last week, I learned that a close former colleague of mine had died in a freak skiing accident. I was running errands and my former boss called and asked whether I could pull my car over. I’m relieved he did. I sat in my car on a quiet street in Mohican Hills attempting to be polite and consoling in the face of the news, and then he said: “Let me know if you need to talk. I’m holding a space for you,” and a sob involuntarily rose in my throat. I stumbled and sputtered my way through something about what a horrific loss it was, and then I hung up and wept.
I personally hired Nate when he was a few years out of college and he was my right-hand man during my tenure as CIO of a small non-profit focused on building the financial health of low-income teens. He was bright, inexperienced, and impossibly idealistic, as we all were. I remember sitting across from him at Lula Cafe in Logan Square, Chicago, at the final round of the interview process, needling him about how much he wanted the job. He was never without a smile, and that made him difficult to read. He pulled out a small notebook and gestured to a cluster of pages on which he’d kept notes about the position and his thoughts on its requirements. “Yes,” he nodded. “I want this job.” I could see it was true. I was moved by his evident care and seriousness in thinking about the role. Anyone who took the time to transfer thoughts to paper, to document some of his own ideas, with no assurance as to whether he would get the job, was going to be a perfect fit for our scrappy, moonshot organization. I offered him the position on the spot.
I have thought about that afternoon, and especially the elegant presence of those notes in his notebook, many times over the past week. We shared countless other hilarious and frustrating and wonderful memories together working to build a smartphone application designed to promote the saving habits of high school students, but I think mainly of that exchange, of the way I thought to myself: “This is a person I want to work closely with.” He was a joy in the office: upbeat, determined, curious, creative, funny. We approached problems differently, and I learned a lot about myself because of the delta between us. He was contemplative and thorough and I was intuition-driven and immediate. I would ply him with false claims of urgency, and, ever the good sport, he would comply. On the occasions he wouldn’t, I learned the most. “But why do we need it done this way?” he would ask, and I would nod my head as if divining a truth that hadn’t yet materialized, and then we’d figure out a different path forward together. It was exciting to work with him. I have managed many young staff members in my time but never someone who knew so well when and how to push back in a productive way — in a way that felt committed to the cause rather than retributive or gainful or oppositional for the sake of being oppositional. And that was Nate: mission-driven, inquisitive in all the right ways, a man for others.
I have returned to the specifics of my memories of Nate with urgency the past week, straining to remember even what his handwriting looked like, because I otherwise have been battling tremendous regret that I did not keep in better touch with him the last few years, and I am put off by my own selfishness in this regard. His death is not about me. His death is a loss, acute and caustic. He was bright and thought-filled and passionate and I know there are many friends and family members who are grieving profoundly at this very moment. I speculated elsewhere on the troubling concept that grief can have uses. I absolutely riot against that notion today.
Instead:
Nate, you are remembered. I write your name to hold a space for you.
By: Jen Shoop
Mini turns five in about a week. Five feels like a girl; she is firmly out of toddlerhood. I can’t believe it, and yet here she is: hand on her hip, making astute observations and issuing pointed questions and sprinting around in bare feet. She is immensely creative, and rare is the day she comes home without a bundle of drawings and paintings from school or does not descend from her bedroom far after bedtime with a complicated illustration she’s just meticulously drawn by her nightlight. She is somewhere between believing she turns into SpiderMan when she puts on her Halloween costume and asking me how it’s possible that Santa “fits his enormous bottom” down the skinny chimney on the building across the way from her school, as she did earlier this week. I don’t think I can bear another step into childhood. I want her to believe in the magic for much longer. Already, though, the wheels are turning. Last night at dinner, she asked me how God made the world, and after I’d run through a spotty version of the creation story, she paused and asked: “But how did God get his powers?” Oy. Nothing like contemplating the metaphysical over chicken nuggets and talk of bedtime logistics. I love it, nonetheless: children are unconcerned with context. You might be brushing your daughter’s hair before bed and find yourself explaining the concept of heaven, casually brushing aside her questions about why people die, buying yourself another night.
Anyhow, time continues to march forward, and her fifth birthday is nigh upon us. We bought her a Tonies box (a digital storytelling cube), a Botley coding robot, an American Girl Bitty Baby doll and some accessories/clothes (her request, but if your little one has not yet discovered AG, the Corolle brand baby dolls are beautifully made and much less expensive, and I think their accessories are even cuter), and a couple of books and activity/sticker sets. I am especially excited to be giving her one of these Usborne “Look Inside” books that many of you have recommended. She is so curious and I love the way these books get at “how things work.” There are tons of different subjects, including seas and oceans, “things that go,” and more.
I worked in close cahoots with my MIL to procure what appears to be one of the last Encanto Lego sets (<<I did find one here, but quick! these are SO HARD TO FIND) in the universe. Mini is — obsessed — with Encanto and specifically “the strong one” (the sister Luisa). She is going to lose her mind over the Lego set from my parents-in-law! I also coordinated with my mom to pick out a Playmobil set, which was her other top request for her birthday. The neighbor boys are big into Playmobil and so it’s been her top request for both Christmas and her birthday. She looks up to them so much.
P.P.P.S. Something strange happens to time when you are a mother.
By: Jen Shoop
*Image above via Coco Shop featuring their gorgeous maxi skirt.
I have been loving midi and maxi skirts the past few seasons — they are fantastic transitional pieces, as I pair them with suede drivers and cashmere crewnecks or cashmere tees while still cool and then with sandals and tanks in warmer weather. A few standout skirts for the season ahead…
+I love this $25 steal to pair with a simple white tank or throw on over a bathing suit!
+A splashy hot pink would be so fun with a loud top like this or this.
+I love the way a bold patterned skirt (also adore this and this, the latter of which gives me La Double J vibes on a budget!) makes an outfit paired with a simple white tee.
It was gorgeous here a few days ago and Mr. Magpie and I enjoyed our first al fresco drink on our back patio. We have been absolutely loving our teak dining table (expandable and generously sized so you can fit a proper party around it — look for less with this) and the outdoor chairs we bought to surround it (we bought the yellow and white striped cushions to add a pop of color) and I cannot wait to enjoy many summer dinners around it with friends and family. I just noticed that this bamboo cutlery set was marked down to under $25, and my favorite melamine plates were just restocked (plus 20% off with code YOUROCK) and it made me realize it might be a good time to stock up on outdoor dining gear. This beaded melamine dinnerware set has been a consistent best seller on Magpie over the past few years and is currently on sale, too! A few other great finds…
Is there anything you secretly long to do? I’m curious because sometimes sharing an aspiration out loud has made me realize I’m not hanging onto a moonshot after all. I specifically remember sitting in the apartment of a girlfriend in Chicago many years ago telling her that I would love to figure out a way to support myself as a writer. The admission was littered with caveats and deprecations. She looked straight at me and said: “Jen, you can do it. You are doing it.”
But these aspirations need not always be the stuff of career and vocation. Sometimes they are simpler things, like going blonde after a lifetime as a brunette, trying Tinx-inspired nails, learning to drive stick, getting on Tik Tok, learning how to arrange flowers, or teaching yourself Norwegian because your brother has suddenly moved to Trondheim (as is the case for me, personally).
A few things that secretly interest me:
+Practicing French conversationally — I have for years and years contemplated joining a meet-up or forcing my French-speaking friends to participate in French-only dinners. I spent years learning the language, and it brings me joy to speak it. Why not practice it?
+Sitting on the board of a female-founded business — Those who can’t do teach (or invest?) — ha. I have lived in the entrepreneur trenches and know some things (not many, but not nothing) about early-stage start-ups. I spent a substantial amount of time conducting a post mortem on my previous venture and have insights that might be helpful to a fellow entrepreneur. For example, I came at my previous business disciplined in the “product first” mentality but have other thoughts now on the right mix of customer orientation, rounding out the team, early product iterations, and capitalization.
+Learning calligraphy — I bought myself a book, paper, and pens but am frankly lost in self-study. I think I need a class or tutor or some regular cadence to my efforts.
+Re-engaging in the social entrepreneurship arena — In another life, I participated in an executive program on social entrepreneurship. The coursework — heavy on design, which I loved — and my classmates were absolutely fascinating. At the time, I was working for a start-up attempting to build the financial health of low-income teens through technology (specifically, savings-oriented smartphone applications). I now have less of a purchase on the space and have instead engaged with similar problems through philanthropy. This is less by design and more by fortunate happenstance. I remain, though, interested and inspired by rise of B Corps (a private certification awarded to businesses that optimize around their social and environmental performance) and wonder how I might plug back in at some point in my life.
+Speaking publicly — I have a love/hate relationship with the dais.
+Being a student again — I would love to enroll in a program of some kind, preferably on literature or art. I am a good student and enjoy the experience. It would be absolutely delightful (?) to enter a classroom knowing an expert has thoughtfully prepared a prospectus of readings and all of the ancillary readings and prompts to support my learning process. I took these preparations for granted in school. As an aside, I feel as though I should take coursework in creative writing but the thought of interrupting my organic flow — of wrapping academic apparatus around something that has always felt joyful to me — sours me. I took one creative writing course as an undergraduate at UVA and hated everything about it, from the prompts to the grading to the process of providing peer feedback.
+Trail running — never done it, curious about it.
+Attending a retreat. I saw a small advertisement for a morning of prayer and reflection and found the idea both intimidating and appealing.
+Wake up early to create. I’ve written about this a lot lately (again here) but there is something vaguely medicinal about this idea. I am convinced my writing would improve.
How about you? What things do you secretly want to do?
+dpHue just released a new creme specifically formulated for blowouts. You know how I feel about this leave-in therapy by the same brand. Life-changing! (Hair changing!)
+The hype is deserved: these are my new favorite pens. Ultra-fine tip (great for those of us with tidy writing) but glides much more easily than most fine tipped pens!
+This puff-sleeved denim top is only $20 and would look adorable tucked into white denim for spring.
+Cute spring statement tops aside from the aforementioned LSF-inspired floral: highly tempted by this Brock Collection top — 70% off –, this Zimmermann (40% off), and this Thierry Colson (65% off!)
+I did end up treating myself to some new spring pajamas as a part of Lake’s ongoing annual sale: I bough these lavender stripes and this shorts set.
+These $13 bins look a lot (!) like my much more expensive ones from Yamazaki. Great for bulky items in a pantry.
+OMG – Cult Gaia vibes for under $100. (Compare with this — also love it in the rattan material for summer! You know I have a thing for all things woven.)
+ICYMI: the sweetest gift for a Baptism / First Communion / Confirmation / godchild.
+Random utility finds: just ordered another of these pet food bins, which are absolutely perfect for Tilly’s food, which we buy in ENORMOUS quantities now with more space!, and these pasta keepers, which we use to stow all the fancy bronze-cut pasta Mr. Magpie basically imports from Italy himself. (My favorite pasta dish recipe here.)
+We did end up buying this C&B bunk for our playroom. I loved the architectural shape and modern design. I’ll share thoughts on bedding once I figure out which direction I’m going!
+Adore this layered statement necklace — 20% off with code YOUROCK!
+Speaking of necklaces: this set of heart necklaces is absolutely adorable. So fun!
+Just came across this Elemis resurfacing skincare set for 42% off — love getting a pricebreak on a new cosmetic set! Great way to test new products without breaking the bank.
+J’adore this chunky cardigan for a little one! More H&M scores here.
+This citrus-print dress for mini is currently in my cart.
In case you’re looking for some adorable children’s shoes to go with Easter outfits or any of the recent spring finds (finds for girls here) I’ve shared…
01 // FOOTMATES SANDALS — THINK I’LL BUY THESE FOR MINI AS A SHOE TO WEAR WITH DRESSES FROM EASTER THROUGH SUMMER
P.P.P.S. Confession: “I would like to see myself as the type who calmly crouches down beside her son, firmly re-states the boundary and then smoothly redirects him, but sometimes I am the mom hiding her face in the fridge.”
By: Jen Shoop
More honest reviews of hyped beauty products today!
+Rael Acne Patches — I have been going through a bumpy (ha! pun intended!) patch with breakouts on my chin / lower face. I know this is mask-wearing related and have been trying all kinds of things, including brushing my teeth more than usual/tongue scraping because I’ve heard (I think from Magpies?) that a lot of these mask-related breakouts pertain to bacteria in your mouth! (Yuck!). However, still struggling and tried these acne patches on the rec of a few Magpies. I think I went in with overly high expectations — I hoped I’d wear one and the blemish would be gone by the following morning, which was not the case, BUT these are really clever for preventing me from touching the blemish and therefore exacerbating it. I also think they minimize / somehow flatten the pimple by the next morning, even if it’s still there and visible. I will continue to use these sporadically specifically to prevent myself from touching a problem area but they weren’t an “OMG, where have these been all my life” purchase.
+Thrive Mascara — I was beyond excited to test this one since, like many of you, I am a mascara fiend (#1 desert island beauty product for me) and many of you recommended this product. I loved it. It is a true mascara-lover’s mascara in that it is dramatic and inky black (just the way I like it) and the applicator is magical! This mascara is absolutely the BEST I have tried at separating individual lashes for that reason — it somehow grabs and isolates each lash, which caught me by surprise since the wand sort of looks unimpressive on first glance (it’s thin and does not look like it has many “fibers”). My only quibble with it is I don’t love the “tubing” technology where the mascara coats the lash and then kind of falls off in tubes when you remove. (I’ve tried other mascaras with the same phenomenon.) I do think it’s gentler on lashes and the mascara DOES NOT FLAKE (!), but I really hate removing the mascara — I find it kind of messy and annoying. That said, a small price for a truly great, long-lasting product that will not smudge or flake all day long! This is a GREAT buy. BTW, if you are not into the dramatic, goopy black lash look, I think Ilia is a great (clean!) everyday option for a more natural look.
+SlopeHill dryer. This was marketed to me as an “inspired-by” Dyson option for less. I have not yet used the Dyson dryer so can’t anchor against a review of that product BUT I can say this is absolutely the best inexpensive dryer I’ve ever used. Very lightweight and definitely dried my hair more quickly than my tried-and-true Conair, which I’ve had for eons. SlopeHill is MUCH quieter, lighter-weight, and quicker at getting the job done. I say this with heavy conviction because I have fine hair but an absolute ton of it — it takes my hair a good hour or hour and a half to fully air dry on its own, and it often takes me over 15 minutes to fully blow-dry my hair if I’m just out of the shower. The SlopeHill easily (! handily!) cut the drying time in about half — it took me eight minutes to fully dry my hair with the SlopeHill, start to finish. All that said, I very rarely use a traditional hair blow dryer these days (see next) and so even though the dryer impressed me, I was even more impressed with…
+Revlon One-Step PLUS 2.0. You all know I’m a fanatic about the Revlon One-Step (full review here) — it was the best product I purchased in 2020 and I still use it and adore it every other day. However, my girl puttered out on me after two years of loyal service and I immediately sat down to order a replacement only to learn Revlon now has a “plus” model and MAN IS IT WORTH THE PRICE/UPGRADE. The plus model answers all of the critical feedback I’ve heard about the original. It is much thinner and lighter (some Magpies have complained about heft / awkwardness of manipulating the OG) and it does not get hot (other Magpies have complained that by the end of drying their hair with the OG, the stick is too hot to hold!). Not that this matters as much, but it is also quieter and just runs more smoothly — you can tell they paid for upgraded technology in this version. The original is sort of like a jet engine. I am in love! Can’t recommend the plus more if you took issue with any of the minor demerits of the original. I will say again that the best way to use the one-step is to let your hair air-dry to about 3/4ths of the way dry (yes, 3/4ths!) and then use this at the very end. This tool does not work well on completely wet, just-out-of-the-shower hair. (FWIW, I find this to be one of the most attractive features because I can then putz around, get work done, look after the children, apply a mask and makeup, etc, and then it takes me about two minutes to fully style my hair with this tool at the very end.). I will also mention that this leave-in conditioning treatment is a match made in heaven for the one-step. I spritz all over my hair while wet and my hair is SO SMOOTH and SILKY when I dry with the one-step! I think it protects/coats/conditions the hair in a way that works well with heat tools.
+Clarins Extra-Firming Day Moisturizer. Clarins sent me this as a gift and I am so glad they did. I will absolutely be repurchasing on my own — it is a phenomenal winter moisturizer. I specify “winter” because it is heavy and deeply hydrating (not, like, Ponds Cream heavy, but it has some weight to it) and I did not realize how much I needed this. I had been using Hanacure’s moisturizer, which I absolutely love, but I find it might be better for summer months, when I need only the slightest bit of hydration. In winter, I can use the added moisturizer, especially because I think that the retinoid I have been using is drying. That said, for being a heavier-duty moisturizer, Clarins’ formula is delightfully illuminating and brightening. I love how this layers on top of our shared favorite serum — it is a fantastic one-two punch. Skin looks and feels so happy and hydrated and gleaming! Like all Clarins’ products, it smells amazing. The older I get, the more loyal I have become to Clarins. They make beautiful, effective, sophisticated products that are worth the price but not overly expensive like Barbara Sturm, La Mer, Augustinus Bader, etc. Just a fantastic, solid brand.
+Not new-to-me, but I wanted to mention that my favorite liquid eyeliner is currently buy-two-get-one-free when added to cart. I just ordered three because I go through a tube of this in about two months flat. I wear daily — just the thinnest line along the lashes to give some definition — and I love the ultra-fine, precise brush tip. I believe this drugstore marvel is indistinguishable from Stila’s, which I wore for years and is generally considered best-of-breed.
+These are by no means necessary, but I am still flipping out over these Slip hair ties. I love them so much. They are so easy to pull hair back into and do not crease hair — perfect for tying back to wash face, put on makeup, etc — and they have just the right amount of elasticity. However, my mom warned me that these *do* stretch out over time, FYI. Why are they so expensive?! I keep scouring the web to find a deal. Will let you know when I do, because I want everyone to try these!
A couple of items I’m eyeing…
THESE CREAM SHADOWS LOOK FUN FOR SPRING…I’M PARTIAL TO ANYTHING THAT CAN BE APPLIED WITH A FINGER
I HAVE USED + LOVED HOURGLASS’ BRIGHTENING POWDER FOR YEARS NOW BUT WAS CURIOUS IF THERE WERE ANY OTHER CONTENDERS WORTH SAMPLING…MAGPIES RECOMMENDED LAURA MERCIER AND CHANTECAILLE AS ALTERNATIVES
ORIBE’S NEW RESILIENCE SHAMPOO — THE ONLY EXPENSIVE SHAMPOO BRAND WORTH TRYING IMO…YOU CAN FIND A VERY MODEST PRICE BREAK ON SOME OF THEIR SHAMPOOS AT ZULILY
A couple of great President’s Day deals for you this morning —
1 // Elemis is offering 25% off everything with code SITEWIDE. I am using the promo to buy these resurfacing pads everyone has raved about — I feel like my skin really needs some help at the moment. Fighting breakouts and winter dullness. But I have to urge you to try their rose cleansing balm if you’ve never tried it. It is my favorite mini-indulgence at the end of a long day. It smells like heaven and absolutely melts into your skin to remove all makeup and impurities. I wrote a full review here! I loved this so much, I gave it to my mom!
2 // Lake Pajamas is launching its annual sale — I have access to it via this link but I’m not sure if you need to be a text subscriber to get it? Act fast — I have snoozed too long and missed out on their rarely discounted kids sets. My favorite style is this shorts set, but this pretty long version in wisteria is currently in my cart! I have gifted several mom friends their adorable maternity sets — great time to buy with a little discount!
3 // Ayr is offering 50% off select styles. I am tempted by this boxy button-down in the solid blue or lavender stripe (only $60!) and this perfect pistachio green half-zip for under $50.
4 // J. Crew is offering an extra 60% off sale items PLUS I FOUND AN EXTRA, STACKABLE 15% OFF CODE that works ON TOP OF the 60% off sale: SMPYZPH55. I love to use these promotions to buy outerwear for the children for next year, like this classic navy fleece-lined puffer for a girl turns out to be around $40 and this one for boys is $27! These cardigans in timeless navy and white are only $10! I’m personally finding it difficult to resist the appeal of this under-$100 ice blue coat for myself. The stackable code also works on full-price items that are currently marked down to 25% off with code WARMUP — I bought micro this cashmere sweater in the lilac for only $62!
P.S. I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend Elizabeth today. I miss her.
Tall trees stand immediately outside the windows of my writing studio, a green screen. I am benignly and un-specifically aware of them throughout the day — they present as ambient visual noise — but sometimes, I stop to observe them. They are, still, fresh respite from the concrete jungle of Manhattan, where I would crane my neck to make out an isolated tuft of foliage wedged between the two buildings immediately across the way from my writing desk. They are also a reminder of Things Bigger Than I, as they bend and move and rustle according to indiscernible, though melodic, patterns of their own. The other day I sat down at my desk and studied them for a minute. I realized they felt like an answer.
To what, I don’t know. To New York, yes, but only in the most obvious way. It feels more accurate to say they stand in response to the last many years of search and stress. I went on two long walks with my dog to think through this, to write my way into something solid. I returned with empty pockets.
But maybe that’s just it: answers are not always arithmetic. Sometimes they are unquantifiable, suggestive. Sometimes an answer is a head nod, a sigh, a shift in body weight. A half-rest in a measure of music. A paragraph break.
If you are looking for a sign that you have made the right decision, know that assurances do not always present in legible script. Sometimes an answer is realizing that, somewhere over the course of the past few weeks, you stopped feeling as though you might throw up with nerves while presenting to your colleagues at work. Sometimes an answer is the light left on for you by a significant other. Sometimes an answer is anticipating the sun on your face while walking the same circuit you walk every single day. Sometimes it is the sway of trees outside your window.
The questions that can govern our lives are easy-to-form. I am more interested in the things that feel like answers.
+Pastel to-go coffee cups for a little coffee-and-donuts gathering with friends/neighbors/parents at your school.
+Great transition from winter-to-spring piece. The color/sleeves make it cool weather appropriate (pair with booties!), but throw on sandals and you’re ready for a glass of rose on the porch.
+This cute sweater for a little boy is on sale. My top strategy for saving money on children’s clothing is to use end-of-season sales for the year ahead.
+This clean mascara is getting some good buzz. I’ve used and like Saie’s clean mascara, too — it ranks among the best mascaras I’ve ever used, clean or not.
By: Jen Shoop
So many cute spring dresses out there, under $150!
This week, there were a lot of utility-oriented purchases. I stocked up on some new stationery for mini in anticipation of her fifth birthday; a bought some more gear for her celebration (these customized coloring sheets, these party cups for adults, gift wrap, these favors — more superhero birthday finds here); I picked up an extra step stool and more underwear to help with my son’s ongoing toileting independence project (ah! I consider myself proficient in various aspects of parenting but I have really had trouble with toilet training); and very romantically purchased my husband this oversized mixing bowl as a belated Valentine’s Day gift. We have an ongoing joke about my problem under-estimating the appropriate bowl size. I nearly always end up dirtying multiple bowls because the first is too small. I figure I won’t run into the issue with an 8-quart bowl on hand. (The brand is awesome, too. They make great cookie sheets.) I also treated myself to these gel pens which Megan Stokes claims are the best pens on earth. She was the person who turned me onto this magical hair potion, which is my new favorite hair product EVER, so I’m going to stick with her! Full review of the hair therapy treatment here.)
I loved the comment from Susan Palmer I shared yesterday: “Begin as you mean to go on.” I take this perhaps idiosyncratically to remind myself that an endurance sport is not won by sprinting out of the gate. I have a tendency to jump headlong into things.
+I ended up buying this Julia Amory x Pam Munson dress — I couldn’t resist the deal! (Extra 10% off with code NEWCLIENT10 if you are new to Pam.). I lived in my Julia Amory shirt dress last summer and thought this would be such a fun addition to my spring wardrobe. Hoping I can wear it to mini’s birthday in a few weeks if it’s warm enough, as mini will be wearing a Julia Amory x Smockingbird dress in a similar color. I did end up getting her GG sneaks to wear with it to make it feel “superhero-esque,” but justified the cost by finding a pair in pristine condition at The Real Real for a song!
+I sent my mom this dress as an option for some of my sister’s wedding celebration festivities. So pretty for a mother of the bride!
+OMG, can I even create an excuse to wear this collared sports bra?! OMG! Reminds me of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless in the best way. I mean, why not! Who cares if I’m only wearing it to use my fitness bike in my basement!?
