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Ed. note: Today, republishing an essay from the archives, originally published in 2021. I was thinking about this post the other day because Landon and I stayed up way too late having what he calls “dream talks” last week — meandering conversations about our hopes for what might come next. When we were younger — in our 20s, fresh-eyed and ambitious — we used to have these talks into the wee hours of the morning, plotting out where we might move, the businesses we might start, the children we might have. It’s wild to now realize that some of those plans — some of that stardust — have been made manifest in our lives. And it is good to sit and look at how far we’ve come, how much we’ve changed. Still, in so many ways, he remains the boy I fell in love with at 18. I see him that way no matter what life throws at us. Just kids stealing kisses behind Clark Hall.
****
Sometimes it takes the smallest thing —
Spotting a high school-aged boy waiting at the bus stop whose posture — shoulders back, chest out, chin up, as if to establish something — reminds me of you at 19,
Or a new friend telling me, “it sounds like you and your husband are tight,”
Or driving home from an errand when Tim McGraw comes on, manifesting bare feet on the dashboard and you holding my sandals on the riverbank,
Or glancing out the window to see you cheering on our four-and-a-half-year-old in her scooting pursuits, the pump of your fist an extension of a gesture from college football games, and late night dance parties to Benny Bennassi’s “Satisfaction,” and the way you raised your fist in glory as we ran down the aisle —
To remind me that we are still you and me as we’ve always been,
Kids stealing kisses behind Clark Hall, and holding hands by the railroad tracks along 15th street, and tracing secrets into one another’s palms on Route 29.
There is something about growing old with you
That continues to return me to my teenage years,
As if every trip around the sun is also a reclamation of things past,
Every rotation a winnowing inward,
Closer to you and me as we were at eighteen.
The older we get, the less we care
About anything but each other.
Post-Scripts.
+Another revelation along the same lines.
+A moving memory from our first Thanksgiving in NYC.
+The older I get, the less I know for sure.
+On not wanting anything to change.
Shopping Break.
+Ordered these glitzy flats for the holiday season. I have these shoes in a raffia for summer and they are truly the most comfortable shoe right out of the box. I like that you can wear them with jeans and a tee or pair with a holiday dress! Just the right balance of glam and edgy.
+So many of you recommended this bike bell, so I ordered two for the kids’ stockings!
+Ordered this tartan skirt from the Maria del Orden collab with Sezane and got Mr. Magpie this tartan flannel too.
+Gap’s “cozy shop” for toddlers/babies is toooo good. This fair isle one piece! This cash soft hoodie set!
+Two ultra gorgeous designer bags: this Loewe and this Bottega.
+Three items I’m loving from RL right now: this pleated skirt / knit top dress, these utility pants, and this reversible shearling vest. Wow.
+Apparently this lip product from Scarlett Johansson’s beauty brand has gone viral — it sold out on the site itself but you can still buy at Nordstrom. I got my hands on a tube and am loving it. Give me all the lip products during these dry months!
+A fab statement top for holiday.
+I want to try these candies.
+Noticed that there are still a few of my tartan shirtdress back in stock at Ann Mashburn!
+Love these chic portable speakers. We have one from a different brand that we use constantly — any time we’re sitting outside, at the lake house, at the beach, in a hotel room or rental house, etc.
+OMG Veronica Beard. I want everything they make but now I keep thinking about this denim vest.
Just ordered that gorgeous gingham dress from Wolf & Badger — thank you for the rec! What shoes would you wear it with?
Yay!! So chic. I would wear it with pointed toe flats, mules, or heels. I feel like that silhouette will balance out the puffed sleeves. These are my absolute favorites — I own them in like six colorways at this point:
https://bit.ly/3gPrIhn
Those were the first ones that came to mind. For flats, I’ve written a lot about these already:
https://bit.ly/3gMWDKU
But I think they’d be SO chic. They’re also available in a kitten heel mule — both SO Manolo-esque:
https://bit.ly/3Bqvplp
xx
Such a beautiful tribute to your husband. Chills!
Thank you so much, Erica 🙂 xxx
This was so beautifully written. I, too, got goosebumps while reading.
Thank you so much, Danielle. xxx
What lovely words! You are such a wonderful writer and your words often leave me with goosebumps! I so appreciate the balance of their thoughtfulness interspersed with beautiful things. Beautiful words and beautiful things- what’s better than that?!
Hi Rebecca — !! Thank you so much for the kind note. You truly made my day. Glad we’ve found one another!
xx
Ordered that tunic sweater in the camel! Thinking it will work well with my 6+ month fall bump. Cold weather pregnancy is new territory for me and I have no idea how to dress!
Yay!! We will twin, except me without a bump :). But that’s the thing I like about pieces like this one. You can wear now and also enjoy next year! Yay! Will keep you in mind as I shop — maybe will see other good pregnancy finds for fall!
xx