Would you believe that after nearly three weeks without childcare and a very busy trip to D.C. during which Mr. Magpie and I averaged four or five hours of sleep per night and weathered a particularly turbulent period of the terrible twos that involved more than a handful of tears on my part on Mr. Magpie’s shoulder (“what am I doing wrong?!”) —
The minute I sent my nearly-three-year-old daughter to school this week, I missed her?
Missed her sing-song; her silliness; the cheshire cat grin that accompanies her saying the word “poop”; her laying on her belly in her bedroom playing with her Maileg mice for stretches of twenty or thirty minutes, reenacting conversations she and I have shared (“no, it’s bedtime now, we put on our jammies and it’s dark outside and we sleep”); the cornsilk of her hair; the uncoordinated writhing she classifies as “dancing”; the way she clings to me after she wakes from a bad dream, crying “mama, mama, mama!” into the dark; the fact that she still prefers a specific “Rocketship” sippy cup to her “big girl” cups and will demand it, adamantly, at mealtime; how she asks “what’s going on?”, all peering eyes and furrowed brows; her irritating but endearing habit of shutting the door to micro’s nursery when I am putting him to sleep (I prefer it open so I can keep my ear out for her; she prefers it closed “because he’s sleeping”); the somber seriousness with which she engages in conversations that intrigue her, eyes wide as saucers, fork poised above her plate as she is too distracted to engage in the pedantry of eating when learning about, say, why it snows in winter; the persistent “but why?” on the tip of her tongue; the way she told me, the other night, when I went into her room after hearing her insistent “mama? mama? mama?” just after I’d put her down to sleep: “I missed you.”
The piquancy of motherhood continues to startle me.
So I was ambushed that morning at 8:03 a.m., after gritting my teeth while chasing her bare buttocks around, wrangling her into clothes and a semi-presentably clean and brushed state, strapping her into her stroller, all the while accommodating imperious and mercurial demands that befit a sovereign or a two-year-old and no one else the world ever (“NOT THOSE SHOES, YOU IDIOT!!!!” and “HOW DARE YOU REMOVE MY MILK CUP WHEN THERE WAS .02 OUNCES OF FLUID LEFT?!?!?!?!? I AND I ALONE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I AM FINISHED!”), when I found myself staring at the door, the echo of her precocious voice disappearing down the elevator shaft.
I swallowed.
The house was…quiet. (And need I remind you that I still had a large dog, an active seven-month-old, and the blare of Disney music in my care?)
I’d anticipated — let me be truthful here — relief upon her departure but found instead an ache the size of a toddler in my heart. As I washed her rocket ship sippy cup and ate the remnants of her rye bread toast (peak motherhood), I was so overwhelmed by a surge of motherly devotion that I longed to run to the window to catch one last glimpse of her knit, pom-pommed hat over the edge of her stroller.
Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world.
Post Scripts.
+This is the sippy cup in question.
+I bought one of these memory foam bath mats for our master bathroom and OH MY GOD. It is a dream. A revelation! You must own one. It feels like stepping into a cloud after your shower.
+Just bought micro a pair of these. (Thanks Caitlin for the tip!)
+The incongruous emotions of motherhood.
+I have been looking for a kelly green kitchen rug for awhile. This is the best I’ve found, which I like but am still open to other options. Any thoughts? I have also had good luck with super inexpensive gingham cotton ones found on Amazon…maybe this is a better option. (Love that you can just toss it in the washing machine.)
+These overalls are so precious for a little gal!
+The sweetest way to display heirloom-worthy baby clothing.
+Is it too early to buy micro’s Easter pajamas?
+Shopbop has an amazing end-of-season sale going on right now…this would be a fun dress to pull out for your next cocktail party; the perfect vacation dress; and one of the most popular dresses I’ve featured on le blog in the past few weeks.
+It has been so cold and dry in these parts! I am using a ton of this hand cream and this lip moisturizer. My cousin also suggested we pull out our humidifier as she’s had good luck with that. (We own this one.)
+My mom gave me one of these short robes for Christmas and I am OBSESSED. I love the short sleeves for getting-ready — it keeps sleeves out of the way and keeps me from overheating! Genius. And so soft! Also, I really appreciate the attached belt. A small thing but it truly makes the robe-wearing experience that much better.
+My favorite purchases of 2019.
+I have been lost in a throw pillow alternate universe / infinity loop while trying to update the ones in our living room and I will share what we ended up with in a future post, but one I LOVED but that did not work was this. (On sale, reminds me of Hermes!)
+The past few days, I have been responsible for picking mini up with micro in tow on my own, which is hard given that neither the origin nor destination subway stops have elevators and micro is pushing 22 pounds and barely fits into his carrier. (And did I mention I have a toddler? Who sometimes just does not want to get out of her stroller or who insists upon kissing her shoe on the subway? Etc.) All I can say is thank God for backpacks (<<this is the one I own) and hand sanitizer. And whoever invented bribery was a genius.
+These are the best pens.