Over the years, I’ve shared several mindset shifts that have dramatically impacted my outlook on life. The ones that I find myself leaning on most frequently:
You’re where you need to be. (Stop straining against the day’s imperatives!)
Today is not the final draft; you are in a constant state of re-writing.
If it comes, let it; if it goes, let it. (This cryptic phrase applies to so much in daily living. It helps me unhook from expectation, that evergreen enemy, and find a new level of freedom in navigating reality.)
What’s meant for you will not miss you.
You are always raising a future version of yourself. (Be kind!)
Let people be wrong about you.
It’s not “I have to do this”; it’s “I get to do this.”
Bad days are a part of every good life.
No one is paying attention to what you’re doing as much as you are.
This, too, shall pass. (Related: No feeling is final, or inapt. And also: You are not your feelings. Your feelings will come and go; the core of who you are will stick around.)
This week, I heard a great addition to this list: “It’s OK to look into the past, but don’t stare.” It felt like a great expansion pack for my “Onward!” rally cry. Assess what you did or did not do; evaluate what needs to change; move on.
What about you? What are some of the most impactful reframes you’ve pocketed?
Post-Scripts.
+What is your emergency music?
+Travel day tips from our strategic Magpie community.
+What’s something that has saved you?
Shopping Break.
+Gorgeous new arrivals from Juliet Dunn: this midi dress, this fun cover up (imagine with these jellies — full dream pool day look shared here), these shorts.
+While we’re thinking ahead to warm weather: you must consider this Jenni Kayne hat. I wore it a TON at the pool last year! And how cute is this terrycloth tote?! (P.S. – These goggles worked really well for my son!)
+I own this bag without the floral embroidery, but LOVE the new version!
+Oh my goodness I love this dress. And this one, too — wow! What a statement!
+A great look-for-less for my favorite F&E linen pants.
+Seriously cute spring mesh flats for under $100.
+My favorite sandals for little girls.
+Three fun launches: 1) Hotel Lobby’s latest candle scent, London!, which they sent me a sample of in advance; it has complex and gorgeous earl grey and wisteria scent and somehow also smells like an overcast sky? 2) Dorsey’s new paracord necklace, which I mentioned yesterday, too. We have advance access. The collection officially goes live on site at 10 am today. I received mine and am in love with it. You can see an early glimpse of me wearing it here. 3). Do you follow Mary Orton? I’m sure you do. She’s a mega-influencer with incredible wit and gorgeous taste. She recently launched a line of luxury ballcaps that feel like an extension of her identity. Her latest spring drop (arrived yesterday) is full of chic hats for the season ahead, and several colors have already sold through. She generously sent me one of her hats in this medium denim wash and I immediately wore to carpool this week. See me in mine here!
+Another really cool lariat/bolo-style necklace I just came across: here. I’ve never worn a necklace like this before but I really love the way it would look with a v-neck or button-down. Chic chic!
+A chic digital frame. I actually have always wanted one of these because my husband has his laptop flip through family photos when in screensaver mode, and a lot of times, we’ll just huddle around looking at them together. He often comments that he loves the experience of working on something and then glancing up to see Emory at her third birthday, or Tilly in Central Park.
+I bought a few of these Squishmallow sets to give as little gifts for my daughter and her friends. I think I’ll put one in my daughter’s Easter basket!
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One you shared from your dad (I believe?) has always stuck with me: “it’s going to be great.” I have a tendency to worry and think of future problems, and stress over the what-ifs. But… What if it’s wonderful?? The mindset of “it’s going to be great” just reminds me to focus on the hope of it all.
A few others…”feelings aren’t facts.”
“Things don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”
“Nothing lasts but nothing is lost.”
And one from another commenter that my husband always chants to our kids: “slow is smooth and smooth is fast!”
Yes!! “You’re gonna love it.” So grateful to my Dad for this optimistic outlook.
These are such great additions, too!!
xx
“It’s not about you” – whenever I sense a bit of social anxiety welling up before a big event. Instead of dwelling too much in my feelings about myself, it’s helpful to reframe the situation as I have a role to fulfill for whatever this social engagement is, whether it’s supporting a friend at a life milestone, participating in a work event, etc.
Anna! I should have included this in my list because I remember you shared this a year or two ago and I lean on it ALL the time. Really helpful.
xx
A few for me…
1.) “Don’t feel stupid if you don’t like what everyone else pretends to love” – Emma Watson
2.) Others will view you the way view yourself (I.e., believe in yourself and others will believe in you, carry yourself with confidence and others will perceive you confident, etc.)
3.) “I can do anything for [insert time period]”… I.e., in prospect of moving somewhere new… “I can live there for a few years”; on a long run… “I can keep this pace for 5 more minutes…”; etc. I think this stems back to scripture for me… “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me”… so for anything that feels intimidating or daunting, I remind myself I CAN do that, and I’m empowered me to try new things, go beyond my comfort zone, or push myself harder physically or mentally.
These are fantastic! I lean on a permutation of item #3 all the time — whether holding a plank or suffering through a bumpy situation. I also love #2. It reminds me of another quote: ‘How you treat yourself sets the standard for others.’
xx
From you! Rejection is redirection.
I remember watching the first season of Next Food Network Star and Melissa D’Arabian said “Speak calm, be calm.” I have turned to that often over the years!
My granddad always said “That’s a good problem to have.” What to make for dinner, what school to choose, the constant chaos of our house, all the results of a bountiful life well-lived. Even the sleepless nights were something I once wished for.
Love the redirection one, too – so helpful when staring at a dead end or closed door. “Speak calm, be calm”!! I’d do well to apply this to my interior monologue.
xx
I lean on “take the charitable view” a lot – a learning I was given by a beloved boss who was a trailblazer in her field (an international war correspondent and bureau chief in the 80s and 90s – so she has seen some THINGS!)
It’s all too easy these days (and often quite fair!) to take a negative view or ascribe bad intentions to someone or something. But her point is that we should never start there – that we should assume good intentions first. But of course, don’t forget to keep your eyes open! I love this because it centers on having an open mind, and allows a lot of room for grace.
Wow, absolutely love this! This is my dad’s ethos, too. “Give them a wide berth,” “give them the benefit of the doubt,” “assume the best intentions,” etc! Really powerful.
xx
A permutation of this that I try to live by is “Never suppress a generous thought.”
Oooh I love this!!
Few things are fatal – not elegant, but it helps me quit agonizing over decisions
Also, we’ve all been there as a response when someone’s apologizing – reminds me to give people grace because most of the time, we have all truly been there.
Perfectly said! “Few things are fatal!”
And love the “we’ve all been there” response. I find this really helpful in motherhood conversations. It’s so generous when another mother extends it my way!
xx
Aw, I was just reflecting on this in relation to the Lyndsay Rush She’s A Bit Much poem you shared. It’s a reframe I feel like I need to return to every day. So it’s a recent and incredibly profound one!
Here are some others I’ve been returning to for years:
“Who you are in anything is who you are in everything” — this for me speaks to integrity and maintaining my values even when it’s really hard or the easier, read people-pleasing or conformity, thing to do is to go along with something that is inconsistent with who I actually am. I learned this in 2013 as a wobbly 24-year-old and it radically transformed my life.
“Slow is smooth, smooth is fast” — a firefighter taught me this while we were training for our open-water scuba-diving ticket. He said it’s a rule in firefighting and it’s been the most powerful grounding mantra for being present, paying attention to intuition, and, as someone who’s always vaguing out in my own thoughts/chaos, it makes me see that slowwwwwing down is what creates spaces for everything important, even if something crazy is happening.
“Your joy is my joy” — I say this to loved ones a lot both because I feel like there can be a lot of normalisation of comparison and scarcity. For me, this is an explicit way to actively support, encourage, and celebrate loved ones without any kind of pretense and subtext. And when I say it or text it, my heart swells and I just feel so grateful for these people and them living their joy.
“When you choose joy, you choose life” — my spectacular grandmother-in-law said this to me two years ago during a very dark time. She was reassuring me and my husband with this vision of the ouroborotic cycle of being from a mystic’s standpoint. She’s an incredible woman and ever since, I’ve repeated this to myself to find the crack of light in everything.
“It’s not the end, it’s an uncomfortable pause” — a Frightened Rabbit from the 2016 song Blood Under The Bridge. I could write essays about this song and this lyric specifically. It’s quite literal and it’s been central to my marriage for many years.
“Good things are great and bad things are funny” — Caroline O’Donoghue referenced this on the Sentimental Garbage podcast last year (she said it was part of her wedding ceremony!) and it’s radically shifted my life in the nearly 12 months since. Honestly, it’s infused my life with a strange levity wherein I’m less mired in hard moments and can look for humour wherever possible. I wouldn’t apply this to scenarios with other people, so as not to being positive where it’s perhaps insensitive or inappropriate, but for myself and for when there might be marital tension, it’s brought a lot more laughter and optimism.
Aiofe, all of these spoke to me this morning – thank you so much for sharing. Will keep a few in my back pocket over the next few weeks as I navigate some doctor’s appointments and big life changes…
Dear Emm, wishing you peace and good things as you’re getting through these doctor’s appointments and big life changes. Even though I don’t know your circumstances, I know that both these things are uniquely challenging and can bring up a lot of things. No matter what you’ve got this and I know that the outcome will be one where you’re thriving and on-track with what your heart yearns for xx
Wow – I loved all of these so much. “Who you are in anything is who you are in everything…” is such a good reminder to bring your full and best self to everything you do, even the seemingly mundane and low-stakes and repetitive things. Thanks for that. Love them all – thank you for sharing.
I absolutely think about the “Who you are in anything…” one nearly every day. Or sometimes my husband and I will ask one another, “How does that wisdom apply here…?” To be honest, I also need to combine it with the “Slow is smooth…” one right now because I’ve had a really ratty few days with seasonal allergies and the general arising dysfunction of respiratory angst! Thanks so much for this piece, Jen xx
“Slow is smooth…” is a military thing too, but it’s only reading your comment that I have thought about it for longer term. I use the phrase when doing an activity, like painting a wall or sawing, but I hadn’t thought about it for longer term things, like renovations. If I rush to buy what’s available, rather than waiting for the better item or outcome, I spend more and have to get rid of the not-right thing later on.
Love this insight!!
Oh wow, Victoria, that’s so interesting! To be honest, I actually usually repeat it to myself in situations where I need to be hyper-focused and cognisant of safety like on difficult hiking ascents or while driving in stressful traffic. I think the scenarios you’ve pointed are even more applicable and I’m going to apply this mindfully from now on. It’s hard not to feel rushed in all these ways and I’m learning a lot about how this sort of thing is contributing to how fractured my attention span feels in general :/ Thanks so much for sharing xx