At a gathering earlier this month, one of my neighbors commented: “you pick your house, but your inherit your neighbors; it’s so lucky that we ended up with such a great block.” To this, another neighbor replied: “Actually, my husband chose to build a house on this street because he liked the people here so much.”
Wow! Both of the comments made me think about how we chose this home in Bethesda, which wasn’t in the initial set of neighborhoods we were looking at, and didn’t have some of the features we’d thought we’d wanted–and yet some of its true virtues were completely lost on me when we signed the contract. What did I care about the cul de sac address? I was on my way to my own backyard and big kitchen — novelties after four years in New York City. As it turns out, living on a block with no thru-traffic has been an incredible gift for our children; it has empowered us to turn our kids out on the street with bikes, scooters, hockey sticks, and sidewalk chalk, and let them play independently for hours with neighborhood children without the slightest worry. It has also given us a convenient, out-of-the-way gathering place for morning coffee catch-ups and evening “roadies” with the neighbors; we spill into the street in bare feet, and collect in conversation.
And how could I have known I’d luck into such nurturing neighbors? The week before we moved in, one of them mowed our lawn for us; we were driving in from New York, exhausted and frazzled, and couldn’t believe our eyes. What an incredible generosity, to pull up to a new home with a freshly groomed yard. And that was just a foreshadowing of what would come. My neighbors have saved me dozens of times since, coming to my rescue with missing packages, “have you seen my dog?”, cups of sugar, ice for parties, spare towels, parenting solidarity, hand-me-down toys and books, extra folding chairs, Disney tips, restaurant recs, bug spray, words of encouragement when I really needed it, even a leant vacation home (!!) when we were desperate to get out of dodge. I will never forget their tenderness when our dog died. I emailed our next door neighbors first — even before telling other family members — because they just needed to know, would wonder where she was, and I knew they would have the right thing to say. They did. And they mourned her with us, and planted flowers in her memory, and placed a little rock with her paw print and name on it in the cul de sac.
And how could I have anticipated that the sweet thirteen year old girl next door would become something of a big sister to my kids, baby-sitting them and serving as a mother’s helper for countless afternoons and evenings? That she would one day wear a friendship bracelet my daughter had made her, and proudly, to her high school, completely thrilling my six-year-old?
A good house is probably just as precious as a good neighbor. I did nothing to vet for this, but how lucky I am to live on a street full of them.
I’m curious — what drew you to your home? And what endears it to you now? Is there a difference between the two?
Post-Scripts.
+Imprints of a new (suburban) lifestyle.
+On our decision to leave NYC.
+How do you make a big life decision?
+Another musing in which I reflect on neighbors who turn out to be guardian angels.
Post-Scripts.
+OOO Tuckernuck has me with this blouse and pants set.
+Obsessed with this striped weekender bag and these cheeky SPF/beach pouches.
+Currently wearing and loving these comfortable patterned shorts. They are lined but with an airy cotton so it feels SO easy breezy but totally opaque. Just obsessed with the pattern!
+Smart high-waisted pants (under $100) to pair with your summer blouses. Would look great with this ruffle trim blouse (also under $100), which reminds me of this Doen!
+How CHIC (?!) is this boucle tank and skirt situation?
+This $64 shell necklace is perfect.
+A chic gingham top for under $50. Reminds me of Posse!
+TKEES are a beach must. I love mine.
+Have been getting a lot of wear out of this fun little $10 hair clip.
+Love (!) Few Moda’s collab with Alli Sisto Daniels! I have this gingham mini and this patterned set sitting in my cart! Exactly what I want to be wearing right now.
+My daughter was invited to two pool parties this week! I sent her with these dive buddies as a gift. Other cute ideas: these inflatable noodles, this waterproof set of Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza, and these waterproof cards.
+Veronica Beard’s new tennis capsule is so chic!
+Madewell’s newest woven bag is so good!
+Cute party products for the FOJ: striped plates, scalloped plates, flag cups.
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Image via Pierre Jeanneret on Upsplash.
The story about your mother’s helper made me so happy. I babysat for many neighborhood children growing up (and many did the same for me and my brother, too!). Just as your daughter was thrilled by your babysitter, I am thrilled whenever I go back home and see the kids I babysat as teenagers now. How sweet it is to love and be loved by our neighbors!
So sweet!! They were lucky to have you!
I wish I could say our house drew us in. In reality, we were first-time buyers in an extremely tight market and just happy to get in the door. It’s in an okay neighborhood with great schools and we’ve gotten to know some great neighbors. I love our town and we can walk to wonderful coffee shops, parks and the library.
But the layout and the light of the house are really not great, and just it’s not anything that can easily be remodeled to fix, We’ve made some improvements but it seems questionable from a financial perspective to do a whole renovation when it’s just never going to get there for us. I love interior design, but it’s gotten to the point where it doesn’t feel worth it to do much more.
I hope we’ll be looking for the next house in the next year or so and I’m determined to wait this time find a place that really does draw me in and has good bones and good light and a good soul.
Love this clear-eyed assessment! You know, everything is a learning…onward! Sending you good vibes for your home part II!
xx
We moved to the Florida Panhandle almost 9 years ago and and least for about 2 1/2 years before we bought our home six years ago last month. My chiropractor’s mother told me about our home because she lives in the same neighborhood and knew the people had just moved the woman’s father out of it and into a nursing home. A meeting was set up, and I came to look at it. I had to FaceTime my husband because he was working out of town. The home had not been worked on since it had been built in 2003, but we weren’t afraid of that. We used to own a construction business and we knew we could make it our own. The bones were there. It has a sunroom that I knew I could see us sitting out there drinking our coffee every morning. And it was really the neighborhood that drew us in. We are surrounded by State Forest but less than 10 minutes from the beach. We have neighbors but we are wooded and we can’t see them so we have so much privacy. We have deer, and so much wildlife around us. It’s really a dream.And the couple who sold the house to us have become our dearest friends. We have the best neighbors in this neighborhood. I couldn’t ask for anything more and find so much peace here. It has truly become our sanctuary. Here’s to homes that become a haven and find you just when you need them!
Wow – I love this! So much magic drawing you to this house!!
xx
I was 6 months pregnant standing in the living room of our house at the open house viewing. We were in a time crunch, wanting to be in a house before the baby came. This house had had the same owners since the 60s and hadn’t been renovated ever— I was standing on the original shag carpeting! But I was also standing under high ceilings, in a living room with filled with gorgeous light and a cool summer breeze. I turned to my (architect/contractor) dad, who had come with us to the showing, and I asked him, “do you think you can do something with this?” He asked me, “Do you like it? Do you think you’d be happy here?” I told him I did. He looked around slowly, turned me, and smiling said “I can fix it for you.”
My dad and my husband spent 10 weeks HUSTLING to get our house ready, and we moved in 2 weeks after our daughter was born. And now she knows our airy, bright home as one that her dad and grandpa built for us. Such a gift!
(I also love that the previous owners had lived there for nearly 60 years and raised their 3 boys there. The matriarch passed away in her bedroom at 102 years old. It’s lovely to think that it was a happy home for them for so long.)
Wow – what magic and history in that house! I love the idea of long-term families settling in to that home: good energy.
xx
PS Your dad sounds amazing!!
The fact that I could afford it, lol. That, and the 5 closets, which are not a given in an NYC prewar one bedroom apartment. I signed the contract the week after covid really kicked off in March 2020 and I definitely had some trepidation about signing on the dotted line, not knowing what direction the city would be heading in, but I’m so glad I did. It’s quiet and functional and after years in a studio apartment, I kind of relish the idea of having enough space to be able to misplace something!
Ahhh I relate to this so deeply — the closets were the selling point for our last rented apartment in NYC. I feel like that was the first thing I told my mom. Not about the kitchen, the rooms, the building. “The closets!!!”
xx
I was not thrilled to move to the suburbs from the city although it made sense for so many reasons. But I also discovered the delights of a cul de sac street! We live off the end of the cul de sac, set back from the road with so many trees that in the summer it is hard to see neighbors’ houses and I love the mix of privacy and neighborhood closeness. I love sending my kids out to play and knowing all the dogs on our block by name. Plus I had never known the joys of an attached garage on a rainy day! Our home is architecturally not as beautiful or interesting as the deco house we lived in in the city, but it is spacious and has big windows and a living room large enough to host my book club, plus a backyard that brings me so much happiness when lit with string lights. It occurs to me as I write this that the things that bring me the most joy could be replicated anywhere–except for my wonderful neighbors!
Love these details, and also your reflections on how we evolve, and how our priorities evolve too. Everything is trade-off, right?
xx
So my home was chosen for me, furnished save for the couch! We moved over just as a tenant was moving out of a place my in-laws owned, and we needed it to establish residency, sight unseen save pictures. The gentleman who had renovated it previously never cooked, the kitchen was nonfunctional, and he’d made interesting (luxe) aesthetic choices (our wallpaper is white textured fabric throughout, easy to stain or scratch). He left linens and dishes and framed artwork. By the time we took possession the woodwork was very damaged and the whole place had small issues, so we weren’t too precious with it. We ripped out the kitchen happily and built something to suit our future family. My particular apartment has ensnared me, and I’m just now making choices to make it more ours beyond the practical. We’ve installed heaters and a drinks fridge outside (a necessity since our kitchen took two years). We added a laundry room to one bathroom. I lovingly decorated the kids’ room but left the scarred wallpaper in place for now. It’s a bit of storybook magic. We have a William Morris rug in the living room that brings me endless joy. I’m now contemplating swapping the curtains for blush linen, slipcovers for the outdoor sofa, art prints and intaglios to adorn the shelves. I have whimsical prints taped inside my cabinets, all gifts from my husband. I constantly change the art on the Frame TV using The Met’s open access collection. The children’s detritus gilds each room. It’s a happy home. We like to make changes seasonally and we love the light and fresh air. I’m about to change to our summer bedding!
During pandemic my in-laws moved to the building next door, and it’s been a gift having them so close. I’m close to my pediatrician, my preferred market, the preschool my son will be at, the “good” playground. I never want to move, even for more space. I love my shaded terrace. My building is congenial and relatively quiet for being in the center of things, and looks over trees. The park smells of jasmine and has ducklings wandering the grass. My children love to greet the doorman and the baristas at the coffee shop downstairs. Since we’ve lived here a little family-owned restaurant and an espresso bar have opened just up the stairs.
We have a wonderful community of friends and neighbors here, but people rarely host since apartments are so tiny. My resolution for the next year is to have people over even in our small space. I’m sometimes self conscious to have people over simply because it’s so unprecedented for us, and I don’t want to commit a faux pas. I would have people over to my messy home in the states, but here I clean for hours before anyone comes for so much as a play date! I’m hoping to be more vulnerable in the coming months.
What drew me to my current home was the feeling I got when I walked in, it just felt like home. I could see myself living here. Being happy here. Making memories here. The light that poured into the detached row home. There were some negatives, it was smaller than the space we needed, and it was leaning to one side, old historic charm I told myself. There were some things I would have to sacrifice on space, but it seemed worth it to live in a walkable historic area with parks and the water blocks away but where I didn’t have flooding. There was also a parking space in the back and alley access that ended at the back of our home. I’m still in love with my home everyday. This home has made me a homebody not wanting to leave. I have love affair with my home. Since being here almost 5 years now we’ve made an amazing patio, entertained friends and family. It’s an urban block with lots of traffic but our immediate neighbors are lovely. We also get packages for one another, say hello and chat, and even have a Gmail account for our surrounding block where we have what we call “ Summer Schmoozes” on the sidewalk usually on Fridays in the summer.
Some of my neighbors are moving and I hope good neighbors move in behind them.
What endears me to my home now is I’m just as in love with it as the first day I stepped foot inside it. I love being home with light pouring in. Having my patio off the kitchen so I can easily have the dog outside and cook too or entertain inside and out. I still have a love affair with my home. I feel safe, comfortable, and even-though it’s not big it’s my home my safe space where I can be me. I can cook, raise my family, enjoy all of our neighborhood. Can’t describe it but this house has good energy.