Learnings
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Weekend Vibes: You Are Not a Project.

By: Jen Shoop

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My Latest Snag: New Blow Dry Gear.

I’ve been using the same blow dry products all summer and I’ve started to notice that I can’t get quite the same results. I’ve tried various things — waiting longer between washings, switching up shampoos, not blow drying my hair for a few weeks (ugh, the worst — had to wear my hair back in a bun for what felt like ages) — and finally I thought, “Maybe the products just aren’t working for me anymore?” I’d heard (and perhaps this is just a conspiracy to sell more beauty products) that sometimes your skincare/haircare regimen stops working as well as it once did because your skin/hair have adjusted to the products. I polled my Magpies for product recs for achieving a great at-home blow out and the top two upvotes were Oribe’s Royal Blowout Spray and two Lolavie products used together: their glossing detangler and their perfecting leave-in spray. Lolavie is Jennifer Aniston’s brand, and I’m sure that many of you share my obsession with her perfect mane (for years — YEARS! — I have taken photos of her with a long bob in to my stylist for inspiration), so I am eager to try. I ordered travel sizes of both the Oribe and the Lolavie so I can test before committing to full sizes. (Lolavie has an entire travel set that includes not only the detangler and spray but a shampoo and conditioner!). Will report back with thoughts.

The only other variable I’m contemplating is a hot tool upgrade. I’ve been using and loving Revlon’s One Step (make sure you get the “Plus / 2.0” version — I upgraded to it and find it much lighter weight; it also does not get as hot as the original model) for years now. It’s excellent and well-priced. But maybe it is time to finally pull the trigger on the Dyson?! Contemplating asking for this for Christmas…

This Week’s Bestsellers.

So many great fall wardrobe staples in this week’s roundup of best-sellers! I own several of these!

01. MOON RIVER STRIPED TURTLENECK // 02. J. CREW BUCKET BAG // 03. MANGO TWEED JACKET // 04. VERONICA BEARD MIXED MEDIA SWEATER // 05. MADEWELL 90S JEANS // 06. BASECAMP KIDS CONVERSATION STARTERS // 07. J. CREW REVERSIBLE VEST // 08. TOM LAKE BY ANN PATCHETT // 09. LOEFFLER RANDALL FLATS // 10. GAP TODDLER JACKET // 11. GAP JEANS // 12. NATIVE TREKLITE BOOTS // 13. PERSONALIZED PLATE // 14. FOOT MASK // 15. MAIL ORGANIZERS // 16. ALLINA LIU DRESS

Weekend Musings.

I think it was a Magpie reader who first used this phrase: “You are not a project.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially in the aftermath of some of our conversations about female discipline. (Who are we being disciplined for? What are we disciples of? Do we equate discipline with “being good” — if so, is that healthy or even true?) Reading James Clear’s habits book first dredged up these cognitive dissonances earlier this year. Many of his suggestions about living a tidy, successful life are smart, and helpful, and vaguely medicinal, but I also felt an internal twang in the opposite direction, and I found myself fatigued by the notion that we must be in a constant state of self-improvement and optimization. Like, when can we let the hem out? When can we lay in the hammock? Is life really about polishing ourselves in pursuit of some kind of perfection?

Today, I am reminding myself: “You are not a project.” Your children are not projects. Your life is not a project. These admonitions are both reassuring (phew! I don’t need to be perfect!) and urgent, especially as I read Ann Patchett’s latest masterpiece, Tom Lake, which reminds me — as all her novels do — that our rich interiors are more important than the narratives that surround us. I mean, not much happens in a Patchett book, or what does happen is only important inasmuch as it shapes our inner worlds. So many of her books are about the fast-then-slow pace of life, the way the everyday can be absolutely spectacular and nothing at all, but none of this matters if we are not alive to experience. She lives out the Mary Oliver adage that attention is our “ceaseless and proper work,” and in turn makes clear that the grave consequence of considering ourselves projects is falling blind to the persistent magic of being alive. As Dickinson put it, “To live is so startling, it leaves but little room for other occupations.”

Shopping Break.

+These look like the Chloe Nama sneaks but are $200. Love the fall color options!

+Obsessed with this striped cardigan.

+It’s almost feu de bois season…my favorite cooler weather candle. (P.S. If gifting, bundle with some chic novelty matchsticks!)

+I own this dress in a past-season bone color and it is one of my favorites. Styles a million ways.

+Love the lines of this kitchen island if you’re in a rental/small space and aren’t going to have one installed.

+Read good things about this line of baby products.

+I’m a forever fan of Jacadi. Sweet and traditional — but not too sweet or traditional. Loved dressing mini in outfits like this when she was tiny.

+Sweet set of hair clips for a little love.

+Love the funky little bags from the brand Hunting Season. I’ve never seen one “in the wild” — you’re sure to draw lots of compliments!

+This turtleneck is, actually, perfect. I own in black and it fits SO well. Perfect weight, softness, style. Thin enough to layer beneath other things but thick enough to keep you warm on its own.

+Obsessed with the fit/look of these cashmere joggers.

+Fun iron-on letters for backpacks, denim jackets, hats, pouches, etc.

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5 thoughts on “Weekend Vibes: You Are Not a Project.

  1. I loved this reminder. In college, I had a gender studies professor who said, “Your body is not a project.” over and over and over. Of course I ignored her because I was a 20 year old and an athlete at that. Yet, her message has come back and is so widely applicable, especially in parenthood. It’s okay to want to be productive, but you are not a project and neither are your children. Your children are not project to be managed, but people to be loved.

    Also, what did you think of Tom Lake? I just finished!

  2. Changing up some of my hair products too. I regularly change up my shampoo/rinse. Keep a rotation in stock, so that’s easy. I am seriously thinking of moving from my Revlon
    I’m contemplating is a hot tool upgrade too. I’ve also been using Revlon’s One Step (“Plus / 2.0” version) but am seriously thinking about moving to this TYMO Porta lightweight travel straightener (although I want to use it for a slight curve/curl on the ends). Pictures/video show it very versatile. Sorry my link wouldn’t work but look it up.
    Have a great weekend. Thank you for all you do for us.

    1. Thank you SO much for this rec! Hadn’t heard of that product but going to check out the videos/reviews now…merci!

      xxx

  3. Well said! I too feel this way at times, when reading James Clear’s newsletter. The contrast push towards self-improvement and productivity (whatever form that takes) can be draining and take away the sense of satisfaction we can feel by just being, by just going with the tide of life. That way of thinking makes us unable to appreciate how far we’ve come, to appreciate reaching out goals, because we are constantly instructed and pressured to create newer, greater ones, otherwise we are flailing and missing our potential. Being alive to experience is a privilege and though sometimes it is harder than others to recognize it, I think it’s the only way to make the most of this time we are given.

    1. Thank you for chiming in here! I agree with you. There’s so much to like about Clear’s instructive, clear (pun intended) encouragement around small improvements, but I do think life happens between the drumbeats!!!

      xx

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