The Point of the Arrow.

Last week, I was chatting with a girlfriend who was wading through those distinct uncertainties of the early and mid-30s. Might she and her husband try for another child? Would they eventually move closer to home? If so, when, and how would that impact their careers?

I throttled back to the wishy-washiness of that period for myself and Mr. Magpie, and the way moving back to the D.C. area didn’t feel right, and it didn’t feel right, and it didn’t feel right–until, suddenly, it did. Clouds cleared; we could read the weather in the window.

I shared this with her, assuring her that the right answers would come at the right time, but that it would take a lot of late night “should we…?” and “what would it look like if…?” conversations and incalculable math. And that these equivocations were simply part of the process. What feels like indecision is in fact the decision-making process. We blow hot, we blow cold, and then the wind turns and takes us back to square one — and all of it, even the recursions, become the way forward. We are the needle on the compass, oscillating before magnetized. I added that most of my friends have gone through this — perhaps these questions are table stakes for “the quarterlife roam”? She took this on board, but bemoaned the way it can feel as though you are living in limbo while in that period of “will we, won’t we, when?” And so why couldn’t they just agree to a plan and be done with the hand-wringing?

This made me think.

Something interesting has happened since we moved back to DC. I didn’t realize what it was until I asked a slightly older friend how he’d felt about turning 40, and what changed for him. He replied: “Well, you know you’re living on the back nine, and that shapes things.” I think that’s how 40 feels, and that’s how moving home to DC has felt, too: that I’ve made it around a bend. We know with a fair level of confidence we will not move again; we are done having children; we hope to make our current home our forever home. Of course, who knows. Life can take us to strange and beautiful places. A single phone call can rearrange a decade; a windfall at work can uproot us. But there is something decidedly settled about my current life. I look back at the vacillations of my 30s and think: “But my life was happening to me then, too.” I was not in the ante-room. Even as I focused on the next act, I was on the main stage. Nowadays it is much easier to realize that, to see that every day is the central attraction, even without much going on. Over the weekend, I read a quote from personal coach Emma Rose Tait: “You don’t always have to try so hard to live each day to the fullest. Each day is full all on its own. All you have to do is notice.”

All you have to do is notice.

Easier said than done, of course, when half of your head consists of meaty life questions with enormous logistical implications on the line. But noticing can be a counterbalance to the sensation of adriftness. What is good today? What does my life feel like today? What are the sounds that soothe, the normalcies that make life look lived-in at the seams right here and right now? For me, this has looked like the shape of our neighbors on their nightly walk, the sound of Mr. Magpie making coffee in the morning, the call of the cardinals in the arbor vitae, the way my children sing their youth as the ask, milk mustaches and all, “How do you spell chocolate?” and “Can you play this with me?” Let me point my arrow there for now.

Post Scripts.

+More on our decision to move back to D.C.

+How do you make a big life decision?

+If you’re looking for encouragement to take a big leap in life, take it from my Dad: “You’re gonna love it.”

Shopping Break.

This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.

+I’m obsessed with these Zara pants. Obsessed! Pair with a crisp white button-down — you know how I feel about this one! The best. (And 15% off with JEN15).

+J. Crew entered the chat with their take on the must-have chocolate brown suede tote (under $200!). Upgrade pick: Little Liffner.

+I always get questions about my planner — this is it! Under $20 and she keeps my entire life in order.

+Dying to try Westman’s new concealer after a few of you mentioned it on Friday!

+A great red sweater. I’ve been contemplating buying this after seeing Cassandra style a LWD with a red sweater earlier this week. (Another option: this Sezane.) BTW, I’m not sure if her jellies are The Row or Amazon!

+Love this headband in the topaz color.

+Have my eye on these cashmere track pants…

+LOVE this new dress from J. Crew. I’ve been noticing a paisley micro trend and loving it.

+Another microtrend I’ve been reading a lot about: bag charms. I love these fruit-shaped ones from Maison de Sabre!

+This under-$100 cord maxi skirt would be so chic with a striped knit and suede boot.

+This bag is GORGEOUS and nails so many of the ambient trends at the moment: suede, gold hardware, an east-west shape!

+Lots of great new fall finds here.