The Magpie Diary: April 28, 2024.

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At dinner this week, one of my girlfriends, a successful consultant with her own practice, talked about how she felt for a long time that she didn’t really know what she was doing when it came to the business side of her business — as in, she was a subject matter expert and felt confident in her domain expertise, but she didn’t know what to charge, how to package her services, how to find new customers. “Throw enough mud at the wall, and something sticks,” she concluded. It was so true, and raw, and — in my experience — what entrepreneurship is. A gradual right-sizing. A process of putting out one version, then collecting feedback, then releasing version 2.0, whether you’re working on a product feature, a menu of services, a price point, even a sales pitch. The groundlessness of this pursuit is challenging. You must get comfortable with constant evolution.

I’ve been thinking about the concept of right-sizing all week. It’s human to want to get to the finish line now, to achieve stability, to level up. But a lot of life is trying on new things, stretching them out, finding them too constricting, moving from little snail house to little snail house. And it’s often in a zig-zag: one step forward, two steps back, then a jag to the left. Life is movement. Life is adjustment. A single phone call can rearrange a day, a week, a life! Meanwhile, my children change clothing sizes and cultivate new skills by the month. (A Magpie recently wrote: “Your children are never going to be as young as they are today.” (!!)) And each phase of motherhood has demanded a new version of me. I am continuously reshaping myself as I learn and adapt to new needs. I think often of the children’s book The Runaway Bunny. It is as much about the constancy of a mother’s love as it is about the way motherhood demands that we take on new forms as we look after our children. We become the clouds, the fishermen, the mountain-climber, the gardener, the tree that our children come home to. The through-line is: no matter how far and fast you run, I will shape-shift to meet you where you are.

I’ve been listening on and off to an audiobook by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, over the past six months. It’s a lot to listen to in one go, but sometimes I feel spiritually deficient or fatigued, and I listen to her, and I find myself back on a good path. She talks a lot about groundlessness as the basic condition of living a full and authentic life. At one point, she writes:

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”

Two weekends ago, we stayed up way too late with our best friends, who were in town from New York for the funeral of another friend’s father. We laughed a lot. We ragged on each other. We sang “Lilith Fair karaoke” on my daughter’s karaoke machine until 1 A.M., shout-singing “Come to My Window” by Melissa Etheridge. (No, really, if you want to get a group of 40 year olds jazzed at the mic, try this on — “Just to reach you / Just to reach you / Oh, to reach you / Come to my window / Crawl inside / Wait by the light of the moon / Come to my window / I’ll be home soon.” YES, Melissa!) But we also consoled one another, catching up on ailing family members, the misfortunes of friends, professional woes, parenting struggles. Change is the only constant, my friend said, and we all harrumphed in agreement.

What are we saying here, Jen?

I suppose I want to reassure myself, and any Magpies reading along this morning, that you’re not doing anything wrong if you feel like you’re “throwing a lot of mud at the wall,” or in continuous inner movement, or still-failing (which is to say, still-learning). That’s how life feels when you’re determined to make a big go of it.

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Also this week…

+Had a little girls’ night on Saturday! Wine and all the snacks. I love so many of the pieces I served with — these cute goblets, pinch bowls, and platters from Roundhouse; these lipstick cocktail napkins from Dear Annabelle (15% off with JEN15); this rattan wine bucket from Half Past Seven.

+It was a good hair week this week. First, I had my hair blown out on Wednesday by Glamsquad because I had a few things going on during the day and then had an event at night (reminder: $20 off for new users with code JenniferS and $15 off for repeat users with code JenniferS15), and then I used a combo of this insanely good dry shampoo (currently 25% off) and my new favorite tool, Mane’s thermal brush. This actually works and I’m so excited about it. It is not a wet hair styling tool — it is specifically for refreshing slept-on / day old / two-day old hair — and it does exactly what I’d hoped it would: bends the ends back under while giving body to limp / slept-on hair.

+The first picture below is me on Wednesday, just after my hair was blown out at home, and the second picture is of me on Friday, after I’d used Vegamour and the thermal brush. I can’t believe how smooth and styled my hair still looked!

+Also, you Magpies have such good eyes, because a few of you asked about the blue cardigan I’m wearing in the corner of the “Mane” thermal tool box photo, and it is indeed the Alex Mill Paris one, which is currently waitlist only at Alex Mill, but I found a few smalls and mediums at St. Bernard’s and XS, S, and M at a boutique called Hamilton and Adams.

+And! I just received this mascara and this lipstick (shade: Madame Bovary) from Queen Musia and I’m so, so, so impressed. The mascara is truly the only one I’ve ever used that doesn’t stiffen lashes. You can apply several coats and your lashes still have bend/give to them. It is superb at lash separation. It’s a different look than the one I tend to prefer — which is inkier, longer, more dramatic, but I will be keeping this in the rotation. And the lipstick color is super pretty and matte. I’m wearing it in the blue cardi photo above but not sure it’s a great demonstration.

+Little joys: a book of “not too hard” crossword puzzles. My neighbor said he works on one of these just before bed if he’s not in the mood to read his book, and I loved that idea — screen-free, just enough mental stimulation, but easy to pause and clip out of. I sent this photo to one of my girlfriends this week, and she said: “Welcome to 40! Come on in, we love puzzles.” Next up: a juice glass of red wine after the kids are in bed, in my favorite gingham chair, wearing my current favorite oversized sweatshirt. I don’t know why, but I love the vintage-feel rolled hem. Finally: salt and vinegar almonds from Blue Diamond! (A Magpie reader rec.) These are absolutely delicious and I like that it’s not a chip — a little more protein/sustenance when I’m in a snacky mood.

+Some pretty things this week: fresh powder bath hand towels from Weezie’s Katie Ridder collab; new Lake Pajamas; the Chantecaille rose water spray I’m obsessed with; and new pillows in our living room. We just signed off earlier this year on all of the plans for this room with our interior designer (window treatments, paint, entirely new furniture, lighting!) and pieces are slowly beginning to arrive. One of the details I am most excited about — she ordered a game table for the corner of the room so Mr. Magpie and I can enjoy our little Saturday morning games, or weekend puzzles, out of the fray of the kitchen, where we’re often infringing on counter space that would otherwise be used for lunch, cooking, homework. I can’t wait to share more as it comes together. Our designer had these pillows made up in Cowtan and Tout’s Arabella fabric, with a corded edge in a contrasting sky blue from Samuel & Sons. They were an outrageous splurge (o.m.g. — kids will never be permitted near these pillows, which is OK, because this is for a formal living space) but we are doing a solid colored sofa and they will really make the whole room come together (the other occasional chairs will be uholstered in different fabrics). You can find a similar pillow in the exact pattern on Etsy here, but note that they only have the fabric on the front side.

+One of the threads I loved in the comments on my post seeking life hacks / helpful tips / codes of conduct: many of us do things for our future selves. We fill our water glasses before a run, we close our blinds now if we know we’ll be coming home late; etc. One of the things I’ve been doing is buying one specific gift for all of the birthday parties in a given season — it saves a lot of time because then you’re not scrambling to find something to buy; you know what you’re giving and can even buy a few to keep on hand. This season, I’ve been giving the seven year old girls these water bottles personalized with these vinyl stickers (I ordered a few sheets of all the letters — how cute are the new floral ones?!), and paired with these cute straw toppers. They are such a hit and I like the personalized element — it feels thoughtful. I also keep lots of gift wrap on hand, and one recent addition to the gift closet has been these “gwrap” bags, which are brilliant. No box, no tissue required — just place the item in the bag, fold over, and seal with a to/from sticker. So cute and easy. (Also, MAGPIE10 gets you 10% off Joy Creative Shop! I just ordered some of these to bundle with gift cards for teachers at end of year.)

+Another thing I am trying to get into the habit of doing: prepping lunch for at least 1-2 days of the week on Sunday. We order out more than we’d like for lunches, and it just feels easier to open the fridge and have something ready to go. Last Sunday, I made this simple couscous salad. I think this week I might pick up some good bread and make chicken or tuna salad to have for sandwiches at Monday and Tuesday lunches.

+A big gift to my future self: new luggage for our summer travel! This set is by Paravel and you can save a little bit by ordering the two together. I am starting to begin to get my ducks in a row for summer plans and am excited to have these ready to go.

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