Scheduling this republished essay from the archives in advance of the election’s results. Not sure what I will be seeking this morning, but love is always a good start.
***
It’s just that,
we are here for such a short time,
and with our loved ones for even shorter.
Strange to think that we might pass more hours this year with parents at our children’s schools, or neighbors, or colleagues, than we will with our own cherished elect.
There is a Sufi meditation prompt:
“If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you do?”
Then:
“And if you knew you were going to die in two hours, what would you do?”
Visions of seeing the Northern Lights, of tasting oysters just-plucked and still-hearty with Puget Sound merroir, of standing, chest heaving, at the summit of a fourteener,
give way to curling up with my babies,
and leaning my head on my mother’s shoulder,
and holding my husband’s hand.
It is so small and simple, what matters most:
the notes on the counter in familiar cursive: “Jennifer – I thought you might like these,” and “Not yet ripe,”
the dog ecstatically wagging her tail — her body radiating with recognition and joy — at your return from the supermarket,
the sticky popsicle kisses, the stick-figure drawings shoved under your door in the morning,
the withdrawal — without prior coordination — of two spoons from the drawer for ice cream after dinner,
the squeal of glee from your son when he catches sight of you, surprising him with school pick-up,
the way he sprints across the playground, arms windmilling through the air,
the animal pureness of his response: this chirp of recognition, this irrepressible need to press his face into your arms,
the daily, ambling phone calls with your mother, talking about what you ate for dinner and whether or not you will be at the anticipatory Mass,
the “You make me happy,” whispered while watching a movie under blankets in the air conditioning of your basement.
At the end of it all, I don’t need to have lived large. In fact, I think I am on the right track if it feels as though I am living lilliputian instead.
It could be that my entire universe fits on a couch,
That true happiness fits snugly in the palm of my hand, and squeezes it.
Post-Scripts.
+The saltings of motherhood — the swampy parts that make you ask what you’re doing?!
+On living careingly.
Shopping Break.
The following content may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+The lovely sister-owned small business March Hare sold out of their spectacular double wrap watch (I own in black — Cartier vibes but under $400), but have now restocked for pre-order. MAGPIE20 gets you 20% off.
+Nicole Cassidy shared this chic coat earlier this week and I fell in love with it. Look for less with this.
+Our toaster died from over-use last week (waffle breakfast fiends) and we just ordered this chic style as a replacement/upgrade. (Also looked at Smeg, but have heard they are enormous and not particularly reliable.)
+Veronica Beard vibes. (Compare with this.)
+Speaking of VB, this J. McLaughlin coat reminded me of the VB one I got last year, and this beautiful fair isle knit reminded me of this current season VB option.
+I have to say — these mildly ridiculous platform slippers are one of my favorite possessions. So snug and cozy. I bought mine last fall and wear them every morning and evening. Like pillows. I also like the non-sherpa option. Other slippers worth a look: the Bombas Sunday slipper and, not a slipper exactly, but I also wear these a lot around the house: these Rothys clogs. They have such great arch support — almost feels like a massage under your foot.
+A truly dramatic holiday dress (layer over a black slip). It reminds me of Paco Rabanne or Simone Rocha.
This is beautiful and exactly what I needed today. Thank you for your words.
I love my Haden toaster! I own in taupe. Previously had a 4 slice Smeg. It was ginormous and heavy with a flimsy toasting mechanism. A year and a half in it just stopped working.
On a flip note, I bought a Haden coffee maker and was disappointed. It had a strong plastic chemical smell and taste despite many rinses.
Great intel!! Thanks for sharing this, and especially corroborating our findings on the Smeg.
xx
Thank you for this. A nice salve on a very heavy day. I received an email this afternoon from an old college friend that I have lost touch with, sent to a group of us that had been close back then. It was so unexpected, genuine, and vulnerable that it made me burst into tears. It wasn’t a grand missive, just a simple “I have been thinking of you all a lot lately and feel grateful for the time we spent together. Tell me of your doings, if you want.” It felt very much in the spirit of what you shared here. Reconnecting with the little things that make life worth living.
Oh gosh – so sweet. I’ve had that happen, too. “It’s never the cream,” but in reverse — when we feel like the softest versions of ourselves, unexpected generosities can absolutely dissolve us. So sweet of your friend.
xx
Thank you for the chirps of connection and vocalization of what remains most vital. We silly humans often mistake or dismiss the tones and touchstones of substance for background noise, only to miss them most of all in their absence.
I’m so glad this resonated, Mary — I agree, I often need to remind myself to refocus on what’s right in front of me.
xx