A Voice Like Good Rivers.

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One of my girlfriends threw her husband a surprise birthday party two weekends ago. In the lead up, she asked myself and a few other friends, gathered for wine and pizza in my living room: “Any advice? What should I know?”

I said: “Make a toast.”

There are so few opportunities to publicly praise our loved ones, and the toast gives meaningful shape to a celebration. I could say this with conviction because two of my great life regrets are not toasting my brother at his wedding and not toasting my husband at his fortieth birthday. It’s not for lack of words. In the case of my husband’s fortieth, I had the entire spiel written out on a small piece of paper, in the hyper-neat-size-8-point handwriting I use for things that matter, that I carried around in my sweaty palm all evening — but I chickened out, and, ever my deliverance, Mr. Magpie stood and said a few words of gratitude instead. No, it’s never been the words. It’s the inevitability of the tears, and not the charming Rachel McAdams kind. When I am crying on a dais, I am spluttering, I am choked. The words won’t come out, or they do, in a senseless rush. Alternately, I must rehearse the speech so frequently that I beat the emotion out of them, and then who wants to be toasted in words stiff as wood?

My brave friend, though, persisted and succeeded, and it was lovely. I watched as her husband shifted feet in endearing discomfort — he couldn’t wait to get out of the limelight, and yet his eyes shone with happiness. It feels good to be seen. Doubly so via the hefted praise of your spouse. You think, Oh really? You still see me as I was at twenty, and not mediated by the repetitive, and unglamorous, and occasionally stressful march of the quotidian? You think about the befores. You think about the core of things: the moment you first touched hands, those nights eating dinner on top of moving boxes, the situations in which you have felt it is you and him against the furious world, the first time you overheard him say “My wife and I…” and thought with an irrepressible thrill of the specific and hallowed way in which you belonged to one another. Funny how dust never collects here.

I hope one day I find reprisal venues for my absent toasts. In the meantime, I hope you will profit from my negligence by toasting your loved ones at the next possible opportunity. It can be simple and short (oftentimes, the best), but make it specific.

One of the best things I’ve read this year is a letter that someone wrote to the author Joseph Fasano:

“Mr. Fasano,

My Dad has never written anything “creative” in his life. My Mom (who was a librarian) passed away recently, so I gave him a copy of your poetry prompts, and he wrote this for her:

I miss your smell of honey

I miss your voice like good rivers.

I miss your hands like all the books

I never got to open

But I know that living means opening

And I want to live. I want to open

And you, love, I want you to be there

in every story

Go, be in every story”

To me, the precision of the line “your voice like good rivers” could make for a third, perhaps even half, of a perfect toast. Short, unshowy, and redolent with reverent love.

A prompt for you today: if you could praise your significant other (or a loved one on your heart today) in one phrase, what would you say?

Post Scripts.

I eventually adapted my planned toast for Mr. Magpie into this musing. One of the fringe benefits of writing for a living is finding a million opportunities to say what I mean to the people I love. (C.f., “Dear Dad, you were right.”) But in case it wasn’t clear, Landon, you still make me feel like a heart on stilts.

P.S. It is also deeply worthwhile to write what you remember about the deceased.

Shopping Break.

This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.

+WOW, Sezane’s fall collection (launched Sunday) was a slam dunk. All my top picks here; I ordered this quilted jacket and this cardigan in the burgundy. This logoless brown suede tote is on my mind, too.

+This boot, in the chocolate brown suede. Under $200 perfection.

+Dorsey just restocked its perfect Lucien leverback earring for delivery in late September. I reach for these constantly. They are sophisticated, interesting, and very lightweight. These sell out every time. $210 but look like a million bucks. IMO, one of the best ways to invest in your daily wardrobe!

+Love this jacket — inspired by Toteme, but not a dupe. (Compare with Toteme.). Look for less: this Moon River ($120)!

+Aureum is offering 25% off at the moment. A perfect time to invest in the perfect fall belt. (I own this!)

+Don’t miss the Kule sale, ending soon! I’d focus on their iconic modern long striped tees (match with shorts for an easy daytime end of summer look) and dreamy striped knits. Also, Mr. Magpie has one of these striped rugbys (also marked down!) and looks so handsome in his.

+My favorite notebooks — I only use these for hand-drafting and note-taking. I love that you can choose between gridded/lined/blank (I’m a gridded girl), ink never seeps through the back of the page, and the covers feel artful.

+Magpie reader favorite Hotel Lobby just launched hand soaps and diffusers today! They generously sent me a set and can I tell you something weird? I splurge on fancy hand soaps everywhere else in my house (or at least really good quality but reasonably priced hand soap, e.g., in high traffic areas like kitchen), but use only cheap unscented wash in our primary bathroom that I buy in enormous quart sized bags. This is very unlike Mr. Magpie and myself. We both proactively invest in the most-frequented parts of our lives — best coffee, best bedding and mattress we can find, best sound systems (we almost always have music playing), best computers, best ingredients. But I skimp on the soap. It’s on your hands for such a brief time! We wash so frequently! I decided, though, to upgrade our primary bath soap with the Hotel Lobby one in the signature scent and it has been such an immediate micro-joy. WOW! Every time I wash my hands at my sink, I am transported, and feel spoiled, and luxurious.

+In case you’re wondering, I decant Grove hand soap into our kitchen soap dispensers. It’s good quality but not $$$, and we like that it comes in recyclable aluminum cans. We use these pump bottles at the kids’ bathroom sinks (has a decent carry to its scent, which is handy when I’m trying to discern whether my kids actually washed their hands…) and my three favorite hand soaps for guest / powder bathrooms are Ouai, Aesop (a bougie beloved for a reason), and Molton Brown Rhubarb and Rose (probably one of my top five favorite scents).

+Hunter Bell’s new fall collection is also incredible. Love this knit dress (suitable for work or play) and this houndstooth top coat.

+Cute, inexpensive euro shams. Great for a guest bedroom.

+Spanx released its popular AirWeight collection in a great cornflower blue color – how cute is this hoodie with these leggings? (Code SHOOPXSPANX for 10% off.)

+Indie handbag label Jenn Lee is offering 20% off sitewide. I love this basket bag (feels similar to the more expensive Cesta lunchpail bags; N.B. that you can often find the latter in good condition on TRR) and this woven olive suede.