My Latest Snag: Staud Wells Dress.
I wore this gorgeous pink dress to dinner in NYC this week and WOW. She looks even better IRL — she is spectacular on! The material is a tad stretchy, so I took a size down from my usual size and it fit like a glove. It also comes in black and I think it would make an incredible wardrobe workhorse. Layer beneath a cardigan or cropped jacket for a more conservative occasion, pair with big earrings for a cocktail party, or dress down with sandals.
This Week’s Most Popular: Spring Finds.
Lots of chic spring stripes this week!
01. STRIPED CRIB/TODDLER BED SHEET
02. CHIC INDOOR/OUTDOOR BOLSTER PILLOWS
03. ANTHRO SOMERSET DRESS IN STRIPE
04. LOEWE-INSPIRED BASKET BAG ($45!)
05. EASTER EGG DECOR
08. J. CREW WOVEN CREWNECK SWEATER
09. JUMPSUIT
11. BEST PENS EVER
Weekend Musings: What Does Balance Actually Look Like?
One theme that has been emerging from a lot of our conversations on “balance” in motherhood is that we need to remember that we are human beings, too, and that though we willingly make sacrifices for our children, we must also care for ourselves, and follow through on extra-familial commitments (professional and otherwise). Knowing how much time we afford to ourselves and our careers relative to the demands of our children is the sticky, ungainly, mutating bit. There are no formulas or constants. I am finding it will look different week to week, day to day. To put a finer point on it: maybe the vision of myself calming surfing right down the middle of a channel in some kind of zenlike state of motherly equilibrium is not the appropriate mnemonic. Maybe it’s going to look more like tacking and adjusting and tacking and adjusting. Small movements left and right in search of equipoise, but no one moment in which I’m just cruising along in a straight line.
My girlfriend Mackenzie shared a really insightful perspective on this over salads at Match 65 (a poignant backdrop, as it was the site at which she’d introduced her beloved and now-deceased grandmother to her husband many years ago) this week in NYC: “Maybe it’s not measuring how much ‘balance’ we have on a daily basis, but looking at it over a longer period of time. Like, net, over the course of a month, did I feel like I did too much or too little in one direction?” I was drawn to the pragmatism here: sometimes I’m too close-in, my face pressed up against the glass, to take an accurate measurement. Maybe a monthly pull-up is the right cadence. This felt startlingly obvious after she’d shared it. When I managed teams in my former career, I found that “90 day plans” were the most effective tool for organizing members around goals/deliverables that were specific and attainable, kept up with the near-frenetic pace of start-up life, and yet had enough of a panoramic view to keep overarching, organizational objectives in sight. I’d dappled with smaller and longer timelines, but I kept finding that 90 days was just right for most of the (product-oriented) work we were doing. Enough time to build something small and test it. Enough granularity that we wouldn’t feel overwhelmed with the length we had to go.
I wonder if, in motherhood, reflecting on the measure of balance I have in my life should account for a month-long retrospective. It feels right to me. What do you think? Are there other areas of your life where you have found it helpful to zoom in or zoom out when in reflection mode? I’ve found, for example, that being more granular with my exercise plan — committing to running every other day, operating according to a one-day-on-one-day-off cadence — was much more successful than when I was courser-grained: “I’d like to run 3 times this week.”
How about you? Are there areas of your life where you have seen better results zooming in or out?
Shopping Break.
+I’ve shared this simple white dress before, but it is just such a chic staple for summer, and under $50. Pair with leather slides, sneakers, etc!
+These $50 huggies have sold out before — a great everyday style option. Have good intelligence that these look real. If you’re more of a statement earring gal, how fab are these under-$50 double heart earrings?! Love both colorways.
+This slim rolling cart is a clever and attractive storage solution if you’re short on space. We had something similar we wedged in right next to our washer/dryer in our Manhattan apartment and kept lots of household items in it — spray bottles, cleaning gloves, etc.
+Perhaps spurred on by my post on bold colors, I am currently in the market for some really fun, bright-colored trousers. These ones and these ones turned my head.
+Speaking of bold colors: how SPECTACULAR is this J. Crew statement?!
+Chic cane console table for your front entryway.
+Sweetest set of hair clips for a little love.
+I know I’ve written about this makeup-melting/removing balm before but it is just divine. There is nothing more luxurious than swiping this on and removing with a warm, wet washcloth. It smells like heaven and skin feels so soft and moisturized after.
+Adore this dress — the contrasting trim, the bodice, the flutter sleeves!
+Rechargeable table lamps for your next al fresco dinner party. Impossibly chic!
+CUTE crochet crossbody. Comes in three great colors.
+Keep hearing really good things about this face mask. It’s pricey but it seems like a lot of gals with great skin use it.
+My fabulous interior designer friend, Jen Hunter, recently shared that she uses faux florals in our home. I’d honestly never thought to do this, but you should see her home! It made me realize my mother has a few faux florals in her home, too. I love the idea that you always have a botanical/floral presence even if you’ve not purchased cut flowers. Jen insists the arrangements she uses from Diane James Home trick most visitors! She has this one, and I love this arrangement or this one.
+On my summer wishlist: a pretty caftan/dress from D’Ascoli.
+These rope frames are amazing.
+This tote reminds me lightly of my beloved Pam Munson Isla Bahia – but much less expensive.
I think it’s all about enough, and enough is a deeply personal, individual thing, and like you said, it varies day to day, week to week, season to season. In the case of motherhood, it will vary kid to kid too. I think where we get ourselves into trouble is by defining enough based on external standards, assumptions, shoulds, and comparison instead of what we feel in our bodies. Our bodies know. Our beings know. For me personally, I know I’m on the right track when I have what I experience as “life’s good” moments. Moments where I feel like me. Moments where my body, soul, and mind are all in the same place at same time. Moments where I’m present and able to take it all in and appreciate and receive.
Month-long reflection sounds perfect, and totally in sync with how your body would reflect as a woman. I’ve recently begun making a “luteal list” each month in the week leading up to my period. I’ll jot down things that irk me, things that feel like too much or not enough, things that I. just. can’t. take. anymore, places where I’m not living up to my values. The menstrual cycle gives us this sacred time each month where our critic and inner editor come out in full force and show us things that are not in alignment with or correct for our higher selves. This list gives these things a place to land, and then later when the tides of hormones have passed, I can look at these things in wisdom and identify ways to untangle, remedy, or get my needs met in a new way.
This is so beautiful and I admire the way you truly listen to yourself, your body. It has taken me a long time to get to a place where I honor more of what I physically need. I am going to need to write more about this soon, but in the past six months, my husband and I have finally turned a corner on sleep. Our children do not wake as much / need us as much in the middle of the night and we are suddenly able to get 8 hours of sleep each night if we are proactive about it, which we have been. The full night of sleep has been such an eye-opener. I am a much more balanced person. I had not realized how much I had dismissed this part of myself — not necessarily by choice, either. It is impossible when you have tiny ones at home! It is a sacrifice I had to make. But now, on the other side, I’m astounded by how much better I feel. It’s opened my eyes to truly paying attention to what my body needs. Water, fruit, rest — trying to really honor those requests.
Anyhow, more to your point, I love the idea of seeking “alignment” rather than “balance,” per se. Those moments where you feel like everything is moving in the right direction, in sync. It may be temporary, but it feels SO good at the time.
Thanks for these musings.
xx
I’m a fan of all things Sisley. I live in Europe where it’s much cheaper than the US, though even when I lived in the US I made it work!! Gotta have priorities. I rotate between the black rose and nourishing sleep mask. If I had to use only one, I’d chose the nourishing sleep mask because it’s so hydrating. But I have very dry skin. Black rose is more brightening.
I find romantic relationship or marriage works the same way. It’s better not to over analyze it to the detail or I won’t function like an adult. Yet, it’s nice to zoom in from time to time, remember what is it all about, what brought us to where we are now, which is not by chance, and where it all started. I’d just had this moment this weekend and it was lovely, before it’s time to get back into family routines, groceries, meal planning, kids schedules.
I love this sentiment — yes. I completely agree with marriage/romantic relationships — zooming out, and especially (for me) remembering the early days, honoring the man I fell in love with all those years ago, really puts petty things in perspective.
xx
Oo thank you so much! I have the weirdest thing happening this season — patches of my skin are SO dry. First it was around my mouth, now my eyelids! I have had good luck with Avene’s balm as a spot treatment but now I’m wondering if I just need a much more hydrating moisturizer. I just added the nourishing sleep mask to my cart on your rec.
xx