There’s a funny lyric in the song “My Man on Willpower” from Sabrina Carpenter’s just-released album in which she sings:
“it feels like just yesterday
He wanted all four of my personalities”
She’s being cheeky, but the visual landed for me for this week — do we all have four, or fourteen, personalities? Or maybe it’s better to say that we’re in constant flux, our capacities changing with the weather, with the degree to which we’ve slept and moved our bodies and drank water, with the demands on our plates, with the mindshare we have available to us, with the amount of love we’ve witnessed, with our pronation to the natural world, that haven that holds the secrets of good living. Maybe we exist as a spectrum, sometimes burning a big red and sometimes quieting into a cold ultraviolet.
I certainly felt that way this week, could feel my energy dip and flow; I had more social commitments on the calendar than usual and by the time we got to the end of the week, while Landon was driving us to what felt like the twenty-eighth social engagement in 72 hours, I said: “I don’t think I have the bandwidth for this. I feel like a shell of myself!” Landon, the original hype man, a person so committed to building me up that he will log onto Instagram (an app he hates) just to heart my stories and ensure people are being decent to me, set to work boosting me up: it would be short, it would be fine, I was doing great. What helped most was jointly reframing the event as an opportunity to show up for others. Forget me; what was love, or responsibility, asking of me? I found myself shedding my petty woes (with some ungainliness) like a winter jacket. I moved through the event. It wasn’t my best work, but I was present, and friendly. That’s all I had!
But what we have is enough. That’s the secret to it all, I think. I’m thinking of the moon, the trees. The way they shed and fill, but are always observable as themselves, are always enough. They still light the sky; they still hold water and house the beating hearts who seek its umbrage.
Post-Scripts: Sunday Shopping.
LA DOUBLE J SHAWL // FINDING FERDINAND MAGIC LIP BALM // ALICE WALK CASHMERE CARDIGAN // ERIN MCDERMOTT BEADED NECKLACE (40% OFF!) // HILL HOUSE NAP DRESS // LINNEA FOG CANDLE // GUEST IN RESIDENCE CASHMERE JACKET // FRAME LE PIXIE (PETITE!) SLIM PALAZZO JEANS // EMME PARSONS MOCS
+I did end up treating myself to this fringed shawl in the gorgeous blue butterfly motif (although I also love the fall colors in the one seen below). I am always looking for little signs, motifs, etc, to celebrate or somehow “mark” certain moments in my life, and I feel very much like I am in chrysalis right now with various new ventures, my book coming out, etc! The butterfly felt like an appropriate avatar.
+I had been hearing a lot about this magic “black lip balm” from sister-founded business Finding Ferdinand and I can’t wait to test. It isn’t as scary as it looks; the color is a buildable semi-sheer ruby, and apparently it uses your natural pH in some way to create the perfect flushed lip. Something about it feels very on-theme with my witchy fall reading programme.
+Magpie reader Erin McDermott has the cutest collection of jewelry, and she recently sent me a few of her gorgeous gemstone beaded necklaces, including this perfect blue number, which she marked down 40% off for us! I have been getting a lot of wear out of this layered with my usual gold necklace stack. The blue just works so well with denim!
+A perfect fall patterned dress from Hill House’s latest collection. Pair with suede flats or boots, a little jacket or sweater — gorgeous!
+This Fog scented candle from Linnea is on its way to me. I know I’ve converted many Magpies to being Linnea lovers — the scents are rich and complex like Cire Trudon and Diptyque, but the price points are much lower. Good throw, good value. Fog: “Step into the hush of an autumn morning. Fog evokes the gentle blur of mist, the snap of fallen leaves, and the crisp bite of orchard air.” Sold! They also have this cool fall candle sampler kit that ships free in case you want to try a few scents before committing to the entire candle! You can get 10% off sitewide with code MAGPIE10.
+This is the chicest belt ever. I have it in the ivory and am obsessed with it. I wore it three times this week — just so happy to be back in belt/jeans territory! I love the gold hardware; it feels like jewelry.
+Talk about fabulous statement outerwear — Guest in Residence nailed it with this gorgeous jacket. Love the Western motif. I’d wear this with jeans, a white tee, and boat shoes for an effortless but interesting weekend look.
+FRAME sent me this pair of petite-friendly jeans in their iconic “slim palazzo fit” and I’m instantly obsessed. The fit is perfection, and I love the everyday wash. This is a perfect silhouette for pairing with fall sneaks, as I did this past Friday (seen here) — I loved the way they worked together. I added these jeans to this selection of my favorite jeans for fall.
+With those jeans, I wore my favorite cashmere cardigan. UGH do I love this sweater. It is ultra-soft and Alice Walk pays such great attention to fit, cut, color, the way the sweater lays and moves. I am in love with it. Wore it all last winter and will wear again all season long. Ann Taylor has a look for less (non-cashmere) here.
+Inexpensive bandana (ED NOTE: This item was from the Gap but sold out! Linking similar!) I am really going wild with bandanas this fall; love the subtle shimmer and pattern in this one.
+The most spectacular minimalist-chic suede moc/loafers for fall. I just adore the elevated simplicity.
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You made me a Linnea convert! Beautiful candles! Another little discovery of late that I thought to share with bath season approaching. My aesthetician had this burning in the room at my last facial. It was the most perfect lavender scent. The brand is Sprig and made by Kohler. They are available on Amazon. I had no idea Kohler made candles in addition to bathroom fixtures. Within minutes of lighting the candle it turns my bathroom into a luxurious scented space that feels like a spa.
Oo thank you so much for this! xx
The bandana link goes to the belt. Can you provide the correct one?
Eek! Sorry about that, and now the bandana is sold out (it was from Gap). Here is a similarly priced find:
https://bit.ly/461MMcY
xx
Dear Jennifer,
I have been a silent but enchanted reader of your writing . Today ‘s post your writing about the moon and the trees reminded me of one of my favorite quotes of Oscar Wilde : “With freedom, books flowers and the moon who could not be perfectly happy?” Please be lenient with my mistakes, English is not my native tongue.
I love this – thanks so much for sharing, Eva, and for your readership! Lucky to have you here. Welcome to the comments :). I hope you’ll continue the conversation with us; do not worry about English not being your native tongue. You are welcome here!
xx
This is rather personal so feel free to skip over, but does some of the ebb and flow of your mood and energy and social battery correlate to your menstrual cycle? My girlfriends and I in our 30s and 40s, postpartum and inching into perimenopause, are all seeing such changes to our mood and capacity and it’s jarring. I’ve been tracking my mood both in the clue app and on the official paper symptom tracker for PMDD, and it’s so wild that when I reach out and connect and make plans and when I withdraw are consistent with my cycle. We’re all just talking about it more and trying to be kinder to ourselves because we’ve been seeing each others’ highs and not talking about the lows, and so many of us really felt like we were the only one. Brutal luteal phases! We’ve been doing minor tasks for each other to ease those days, and it’s such a balm. Tidal pulls, ebbs and flows, and leaning on your lighthouse friends to guide you through.
“Lighthouse friends” — gosh, what a beautiful phrase, and I love the way you’re looking out for one another. I do think you’re right that these ebbs/flows have to do with cycles, too! My SIL and I talked a lot about that this summer!
xx
+1 on this term “lighthouse friends” — I love this!
YES! It’s been tumbling around in my mind since. Love it.
Hi Kelly, chiming in to say you are not alone, and let’s normalize these conversations please and thank you! I have never thought of trying apps to track my mood, and would like to explore this. I do agree with acknowledging our capacities and being kinder to ourselves — just last Friday I declined social plans due to my cycle (in my mid-40s and feeling absolutely wiped out this time of the month) and I’m glad I made this decision as I could not see myself meeting and socializing with new people while exhausted. I always remember my therapist’s phrase about bringing our more skillful selves to a situation (I love this reframe over “best self” as that seems unrealistic). Of course there are commitments we simply have to honor but sometimes bringing our more skillful selves means setting a boundary to honor our mood, capacity, and energy levels.
I love this note, Mia! Glad you listened to yourself!! xx