How do you organize your years?

My mother tells me that, as a Montessori school teacher, she was taught that children developed in three-year cycles, making big leaps between the ages of 2-3, then 5-6, etc. When the children are acting a little wonky, she’ll observe where they are along that timeline, and it can help — can tack a source or extend a hypothesis to new behaviors. Meanwhile, one of Landon’s bosses often talked about businesses entering new “epochs” of growth every four years; she had noticed a pattern of substantial change happening at the four-year mark. Her schema helped the organization when it was outgrowing past org structures, or redefining its offering. (“It’s OK, we’re just entering a new epoch.” As I’ve writtne earlier: things always feel chaotic right before you level up.) Meanwhile, I read recently about the concept of each decade of your life representing “a new floor.” New landings, new heights. (We’re all on our way to the penthouse!)

Our married life has seemed to unfold in 4-5 year clusters. We were in Chicago for five years, then NYC for four years, and now we’ve been in Bethesda for four, too. A separate overlapping 4-5 year cluster: new parenthood. I don’t know how other parents feel, but it has seemed to us that around the time Hill turned four, the everyday living of life simplified. No more diapers, no more naps. A lot more autonomy for everyone involved. Little legs that can walk for longer. Day excursions suddenly much easier to organize and succeed at. No child on my hip. A much slimmer diaper bag.

I wonder sometimes — when was the last time I held my son? Like, lifted him off the ground in my arms? He’s too big now — and suddenly aware of how uncool it is to be cuddled by his mother. I find it agonizing to consider that one day I lifted him and had no idea it was my final go. I’m comforted, then, by the idea of thinking in loose cycles of 4-5 years, and recognizing when I’m at the top of the loop again. It gives me occasion to think: “OK, that was a great stretch of time. Now we’re into the bold blue again.” Mini-graduations. Mini-renewals. Onward we go.

I’m thinking today: what commencement address would you give yourself at one of these transition points? How would you commemorate the previous period, and what words might reassure you as you head off into the next?

Right now, I am imagining myself in a cap and gown, celebrating the previous four years here in Bethesda as a generative–although not always easy–process of settling in, returning home. Discovering I’ve outgrown certain relationships; leaning into others that have emerged from the fabric of new schools, new parishes, new neighborhoods. Tumbling out of the fog of baby and toddler years and stretching into the complexities of parenting children who are developing their own social, academic, and extracurricular identities. Feeling needed in new ways, and not in others. Taking my own writing to a new tier. We’ve come a long way, Jen. Because of all of the decisions you made over these past four years, we get to have today.

In this next 4-5 year phase, I want you to settle into yourself more fully. I want you to shed any lingering social worries like a winter coat. I want you to let the air in. I want you to give yourself and others more grace — the bone-deep, real kind that gives you lenient, loving eyes, that enables you to see people as their mothers might, or as they are at their best. I want you to focus on your lighthouse friends and tune out the rest. I want you to stop imagining yourself on some kind of tightrope and instead see everyday like a Saturday morning: easy and full of bonus. I want you to notice the open door and every mossy thing beyond it waiting for you. Come, then, let’s step out —

Sunday Shopping.

Been coming across all kinds of gorgeous fall dresses: this Staud (love the preppy stripe and the retro color palette; I also find this line of dresses are flattering on like everyone), this denim shirtdress, this paisley/foulard print mini! Not pictured: this patterned dress (Thanksgiving vibes?!), this spectacular burgundy and blue, and this La Double J standout. (N.B.: If you are a first time shopper at Shopbop, get 20% off with NEW20! All my Shopbop hearts here. I update these every week!)

+Obsessed with the rich patterns in this new Clare V. tote. I feel like we’re a little afraid of bold patterns in bags — it runs counter to the idea of having a simple brown or black leather workhorse to swap in and out with everything. But when it comes to everyday, basic dressing, just think about how little you’d have to do — pair with your favorite jeans and tee, your go-to leggings and sweatshirt, a solid-colored shirtdress. It does all the talking!

+How FAB are these chocolate brown satin bow mules?! They remind me of my pair by Christian Louboutin. A dreamy accompaniment to a fall cocktail dress.

+This peplum top is a wonder!!! I’m in love with the idea of styling it with wide legs. And it’s currently like $80!

+Just ordered this cloud foaming bath oil!!! Can’t wait to try.

+A chic and sleek belt I somehow missed in my belt edit last week. AND it’s reversible. And under $150.

+Obsessed with this stylish salt cellar! Kind of a cool/unexpected house warming gift.

STAUD DRESS // CLOUD FOAMING BATH OIL // ME + EM DENIM SHIRTDRESS // LOEFFLER RANDALL BOOTS // PAISLEY MINI DRESS // ZARA BOW MULES // CLARE VIVIER TOTE // REVERSIBLE CROC BELT // PEPLUM TOP (40% OFF — I LOVE THE DETAILS/PLEATING!) // SERIOUSLY CHIC SALT CELLAR

P.S. My Magpie Book Club post is going live tomorrow! Sign up here for a special edition newsletter to accompany it; it’ll be sent out only to subscribers first thing tomorrow. (Have you read this month’s book club pick? All the details here.)

This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links above, I may receive compensation.

Image via.