Last summer, a friend of mine described my son as “someone who wants to be useful.” I was touched she recognized this in our boy; we have long cherished his organic will to help, direct, explain. He jumps off the couch when we solicit his assistance; he couldn’t wait to tell me that he expertly directed my in-laws to the correct pick-up spot when they stepped in to help with carpool one day. And the other afternoon, Landon dropped him off with the groceries and then ran out the door to get our daughter, and Hill put away all the groceries by himself. I came into the kitchen and found him carefully placing the cucumbers and apples in the refrigerator drawer where they tend to live. We joked later that he was Macaulay Culkin in “Uncle Buck,” washing the dishes when the phone rings: “Do I have to do everything around here?” But truly, we don’t know where he came from: he is already, all on his own, a man for others.
On the heels of the grocery unpacking moment, our HVAC unit started giving us trouble, and Landon discovered at 7 PM, while in the middle of making dinner, he needed to go to Home Depot to pick up a wetvac. It was the worst timing, and I wasn’t a particularly useful partner, either: he was in the midst of making a complex dish I knew nothing about, and he wasn’t sure I’d be able to get the correct model or carry it on my own from HomeDepot. So instead, he finished cooking, we ate quickly, and then he headed out for the begrudged late-evening errand. As he was preparing to drive off, he ran into our neighbors, who are Handy People (i.e., they are always doing projects around their home that involve sawhorses and complex tools I know nothing about), and asked, “Hey, actually – you don’t have a wetvac, do you?” They had three (!), and cheerfully volunteered one for our use, and even checked in later that night to see if we wanted to try a second style. I thought to myself: how good people are, how happy they are to be helpful, and how visionless of us not to ask for help first (versus assuming we needed to handle it on our own). I realized this is a blind spot of ours, seeded by a family tradition of self-reliance and conditioned by years of entrepreneurship. The wetvac was a hug in disguise: you can lean on us; let us help.
A few nights later, a neighbor was telling me that she loves reading my blog because she can tell how much joy and purpose it brings to my life. She went on to explain that she is very good at her job (in finance), fantastic at math, devoted to her responsibilities in the workplace — but that she doesn’t actually love the work itself. Subtext: I wonder what it would be like to apply my talents to something I loved? She is roundly useful in her career — skilled, well-regarded — but is it enough?
I’ve been thinking, across these experiences and conversations, about the concept of “being useful.” What does it mean to be useful in our lives? I imagine myself as an instrument, well-tuned, needing only to play the notes I can, and not for praise or self-advancement, but because I was built to make a particular kind of music. What does that music sound like in your life, do you think?
For me, it sounds like writing, and a well-turned phrase, and a string of paragraphs that makes just one other person feel less alone, more reassured. It sounds like listening, and noticing, and loving, which are mainly synonymous with one another anyhow. And it sounds like mothering and caring and nurturing, too. When I am at my best, when I am my most turned-out version of myself, I am a well-tuned instrument for these forces, and I am playing full-bodied and long-noted.
Sunday Shopping.
Amazon is running some great deals this week — I just noticed a bunch of items in my cart are discounted, including these BeautyTok viral brightening pads, a silicone case for makeup brushes (ordered after feeling very frustrated when my Merit brush would get concealer all over all my cosmetics while traveling loosely in my cosmetics bag), Halloween puzzles for kids (also ordered), and gorgeous round tablecloths. Ring doorbells are also currently 50% off, and there are lots of deep book discounts; the romance I bought in Boston this week on my sister’s rec is included!
RING DOORBELL // HIGHLIGHTS HALLOWEEN PUZZLES // USBORNE HALLOWEEN WIPE-CLEAN ACTIVITY BOOK // BLOCKPRINT TABLECLOTH // KOREAN SKINCARE BRIGHTENING PADS // DIPTYQUE SCENTED OVAL // CELINE-INSPIRED HAIR CLIPS // YOU WITH A VIEW // MAKEUP BRUSH CASE // FAUX-SUEDE JACKET
In other shopping news, Freda Salvador’s 20% off Friends and Family promo is about to end. One final mention about these excellent fall/winter-weather-proof rain-resistant boots, which they just re-stocked in time for the final days of sale. Comfortable and tres chic. I also treated myself to these black suede cowboy-style boots of theirs (also 20% off) this season. I really love this silhouette. You might remember I own a similar style from Isabel Marant in greige and they are my most-worn boots ever. The shape works brilliantly with wide legs as well as maxi and midi dresses. I broke in the Freda Salvadors on Friday (see here!)
A few chocolate brown pieces to drool over: this Cara Cara jacket (20% off!), this spectacular suede bucket bag from Toteme (GREAT look for less here), and these painted calf-hair sneaks (40% off). The laces are so unexpected and delightful!
Meanwhile, how chic is this versatile Tory Burch dress? I can imagine wearing it a dozen ways. Love the belt and mandarin collar. Polished and elevated.
And this fringe-centric clutch (under $100) is calling my name for holiday.
On the jewelry front: these are the everyday earrings you need for fall, and they are under $200. They go with everything. I wore them to cocktail parties and with a t-shirt and jean this week. So versatile, lightweight, and chic!
Final note: have you tried these peel-off lip liner stains?! I’ve seen them all over BeautyTok and finally tested the one from Sacheu in color P-INKED (03). I am blown away. You must try this $14 lip product. It’s scary when you first apply to the outline of your lips, as it’s black (!) in application, but then you wait 10 minutes and it hardens into a little strip you can peel off. Then your lips are perfectly lined and they LAST. You don’t have to keep reapplying! It’s incredible. Apparently the founder of this brand used to use a brow tint as a lip liner and that’s what led her to develop this product! (You can see a TikTok video of it here.)
JACKET // EARRINGS // FREDA SALVADOR BOOTS // ULLA JOHNSON TURTLENECK // TORY BURCH DRESS // SACHEU LIP LINER // QUAIL DINNER PLATES // TOTEME BAG (LOOK FOR LESS HERE) // CALF-HAIR SNEAKERS // FRINGE CLUTCH
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