On My Reading List.

Wahhh, I can’t seem to get through a few pages of a book these days–either I pass out, tired, or I’m interrupted.  My reading list is now epically, hilariously, ridiculously long and over-ambitious.

It’s a real shame, too, because my girlfriend K. and I were recently exchanging emails about this article, and about our twin goals of prioritizing what truly matters to us.  It was auspicious timing, as I’d just been “having a think” (a London-ism my sister brought back with her when she visited last week) about this very topic. For context, I worked for several years at Moneythink, a non-profit that provides mentor-led financial education to low-income youth.  One of the phrases we routinely used in our programming was: “Money is a tool to express your values.”  The goal was to build more mindfulness around spending, as we observed that a lot of the teens we worked with spent their scarce and hard-earned cash on Jordans and fancy cell phones, and–though we worked hard to withhold judgment on their purchases, we wanted to ensure that they were spending their money thoughtfully.  (Often, they had good and heart-breaking reasons for buying these seemingly extravagant items–for example, some of the teens reported that having a cell phone was a matter of life-and-death in the sense that they were routinely walking through dangerous parts of the Southside of Chicago and, were it not for a cell phone, would literally have no life line if things got dicey.  Others would re-sell or trade their fancy sneakers, or, interestingly, use them as a way to build social capital.  Still others felt it was safer for them to spend any money they earned as soon as they came into it, for fear that it would be stolen or taken by family members.)

The other day, I was mapping out my day and all of the items I wanted to accomplish in between mini’s nursings and brief periods of alertness (I’m trying to live in the present when she is awake). (And P.S. — I’m obsessed with the app Wunderlist for keeping these to-dos in one place; I am constantly coming up with a list of things I need to do, assigning a due date to each item, and then working to check everything off my list each day.  This includes things as mundane as “launder the sheets,” “write thank you note to X,” “return Y at the post office,” etc.)  This old Moneythink phrase re-surfaced, but this time, re-written as: “Time is a tool to express your values.”  It occurred to me that I only have so many hours in a day–so many days in a week–and that I should apply the same sense of rigor in auditing how I’m doling at my time as I do within the realm of auditing my expenses.  Was it really more important to spend my precious two hours of free time doing another load of laundry vs. sneaking in a nap and letting myself continue to heal and recover?  Was it more important that I follow up with that customer or order mini a new outfit for when her grandparents visit next weekend?  I suddenly found myself being a little more judicious, a little more mindful, about what I was adding to my list.  The tough thing, though, is that I am struggling to let go of some of the things I know I should de-prioritize–like house chores, which seem like the most logical thing to let slip temporarily in favor of more R+R, or–at a minimum–in favor of a little pocket of 30 minutes for reading, which I so desperately miss and crave at the moment.  I would like to value reading/learning as one of the highest priorities in my life!  So, I need to figure out how to make that fit.  And bringing it full circle, when I do figure out how to audit appropriately, these books will be waiting:

+The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs, a memoir written by a woman and mother to two young children diagnosed with terminal cancer that asks: “How does one live each day, “unattached to outcome”? How does one approach the moments, big and small, with both love and honesty?”.  Ahh.  This sounds painfully moving.  I saw this first on the Instagram account of the super talented interior designer Erin Gates and need to read it.

+Difficult Women by Roxane Gay.  As I’ve mentioned 2389 times, I loved Gay’s book of essays.  This volume of short stories are described as “a rare force and beauty, of hardscrabble lives, passionate loves, and quirky and vexed human connection.”  I’m into the title alone, which reminds me of my women of substance series.

+Stories from the Shadows by James J. O’Connell, my book club book this month, selected by a ring of smart and kind women at the last book club, which I shamefully missed, so I’m not sure of the backstory here.

+Into the Water by Paula Hawkins.  The author of Girl on the Train.  Chick lit lovers, ya feel me?  Enough said.

+Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.  I can’t recall how I found this one, but it’s on my Amazon list for some reason and it sounds intriguing: “What if you could live again and again, until you got it right?
On a cold and snowy night in 1910, Ursula Todd is born, the third child of a wealthy English banker and his wife. She dies before she can draw her first breath. On that same cold and snowy night, Ursula Todd is born, lets out a lusty wail, and embarks upon a life that will be, to say the least, unusual. For as she grows, she also dies, repeatedly, in any number of ways. Ursula’s world is in turmoil, facing the unspeakable evil of the two greatest wars in history. What power and force can one woman exert over the fate of civilization — if only she has the chance?”

+The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers.  Everyone in my family has read this book over the last few weeks, and it was our sister book club pick, but I’m woefully behind.  My brother (a professor of literature) has strongly endorsed it.  The description: “At its center is the deaf-mute John Singer, who becomes the confidant for various types of misfits in a Georgia mill town during the 1930s…Wonderfully attuned to the spiritual isolation that underlies the human condition, and with a deft sense for racial tensions in the South, McCullers spins a haunting, unforgettable story that gives voice to the rejected, the forgotten, and the mistreated — and, through Mick Kelly, gives voice to the quiet, intensely personal search for beauty.”  MUST READ.

+How to Murder Your Life by Cat Marnell.  I ordered this before mini was born and have heard people absolutely cannot put it down.  Described as “A candid and darkly humorous memoir of prescription drug addiction and self-sabotage, set in the glamorous world of fashion magazines and downtown nightclubs.”  Can’t wait to tear through this.

What’s on your list???

P.S. — Ten books that will change your life and my favorite beach reads.

P.P.S. — One of you lovely readers pointed me in the direction of the online boutique Buru for my nursing-mom-wanting-fashionable-clothing needs, and I love not only the selection, but also the inspiration.  It made me realize that a lot of my looser fitting deep-v tees are perfect nursing gear.  ALSO: More nursing gear favorites.

P.P.P.S — I really need this dress.  Nursing friendly and just as cute as a button.