Midge

I’ve mentioned this in the past, but when I was little, my sissies and I “played Barbs” (played with our Barbies) every Saturday and Sunday morning.  We developed our own vernacular in this game-playing, and one of our most oft-used terms was “richie” or “richer,” an adjective signifying “ritzy” or “well-to-do” most commonly applied to Midge, one of the Barbies that consistently played “grandmother” in my Barbie household.  Midge was a total snot.  I always had her wear silky paisley pants and a scarf around her neck, and while we didn’t care if the rest of the Barbs pranced around barefoot, Midge always wore tiny pink stilettos.  What a piece of work.  Most of the time, Midge had a vague muddled British/European accent (hey, I tried my hardest to mimic Mary Poppins, but an 8-year-old can only parakeet so well) and would lavish gifts on the Barbie grand-children in my Barbie family while acting snotty to other Barbs that she encountered.  I have no idea where this character came from — clearly, from our over-stimulated imaginations — but Midge was “richie” and I detect this trait in people I meet to his day.  I enjoy categorizing them as “real life Midges.”  Only my sissies would get this reference, but that almost makes it better.  I write all of this as a prelude to the fact that I observed a real life Midge the other day while exploring my neighborhood here in Chi-Chi.  She was emerging from her ginormous house on a nearby mansion-lined, tree-covered street, and she was wearing paisley and had a full head of brownish-red hair.  Midge.  I looked down, expecting pink plastic stilettos, but instead saw the pop of a red Louboutin sole.  Holy moly, she’d out-Midged Midge!  I couldn’t help but let my imagination wander about this well-heeled woman and all of the ridiculous accoutrements in her life.  So here, the Midge life I envisioned for this woman:

A classic whip to tool around in.  Something of a step up from Midge’s mint green Chevy ’57 (we owned this exact Barbie car, and it was all Midge’s).  She would have approved of wardrobe accents like these vintage Chanel driving gloves ($353) and this lovely pearl necklace ($145)

She’d throw on this Giambattista Valli eyelet coat (WOAH.  WOAH.  WOAH.  — $2,800):

And, of course — the Pigalles ($625):

She would have loved wrapping this Tory Burch fox-print scarf ($165) around her voluminous locks while driving around town, and of course a pair of retro-styled cat-eye sunnies ($98) would be a must:

And would finish it all off with the swipe of red lipstick (Tom Ford, $48):

For the board room (Midge sat on a lot of boards…when she wasn’t busy with that, she did a lot of lunching), Midge would sport something like this pearl-trimmed LBD ($548) from Moschino Cheap + Chic.

She’d wear these flats ($150) — love the chain-link detailing!

This chain-handled carry-all ($200) would make for a lovely accent:

Some oversized pearl studs from Miriam Haskell ($220) seem about right:

Back home, Midge would unwind in silky hot pink pajamas ($200) and some bling bling (yes, pajamas deserve gems — $138):

— and a white fur throw ($179) and an eye mask ($26) would always be at an arm’s reach —

Coordinated perfectly with her hot pink Katie Maennlae birdcage chair ($2,150) with a pink and white rug (hey, she’s Barbie, remember?! — $134 and up):

At her side: a lucite trunk (FAB — $1,350) with a glam gold lamp ($693)

A split of champagne (or several, depending on her day) would be chilling for her in a gold ice bucket ($45):

She doesn’t need crystal for these bad-boys.  She’d sip right out of the bottle via a straw ($5.95 for package) —

Dinner?  Bon bons.  {Napkins from ShopFurbish — $12 for pack.}