This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
So many great Amazon finds this year! The bestsellers from 2023 below, including the little greige crossbody I’m wearing above (and have worn all season long!), styled with the cutest sweater from SEA.
01. LIVING PROOF DRY SHAMPOO — Will buy you an extra day between washings. I’m obsessed. First dry shampoo I’ve ever used that actually worked.
02. BECKHAM COLLECTION PILLOWS — We use these in our guest bedrooms and children’s rooms. Inexpensive but luxuriously fluffy. Currently 40% off (tick the box beneath the price).
03. URBAN DECAY EYE SHADOW — My most used eye shadow palette. Great neutral matte colors that last.
04. FREEZABLE SNACK POUCH — We use these daily! You keep them in the freezer and the insides become ice packs. Makes it so much easier to send in string cheese, yogurt sticks, cut fruit, etc — especially in the warm months, but we use all year round. Some Magpies wrote to say they use the bigger size for storing breast milk while traveling, too.
05. COCOFLOSS — You’ll never go back to the drugstore variety. This is infinitely better and more effective. Love the flavors and acts like velcro for anything between your teeth!
06. CROSSBODY BAG — I’ve worn this all season long! The perfect neutral greige color, an ideal size for phone/keys/card case, and under $60.
07. RED CLAY SPICY PEACH HONEY — I love using this on a cheeseboard or little lunchtime sandwich. Have also given as a hostess gift countless times wrapped up with a big ribbon! Good stocking stuffer.
08. AIRTIGHT FLOUR AND SUGAR KEEPERS — These are so much better-designed than any of the competitors (including OXO Pop, which I also have a few of). They actually preserve and keep sugars/flours fresh! The brown sugar one has a clay disc that keeps the brown sugar from drying out. Brilliant.
09. WOVEN TOTE — Naghedi look for less. Great colors!
10. SWEATSHIRT — Perfectly oversized. Great for wearing over leggings.
And my personal favorite items (not necessarily bestsellers, but things I use and love) —
01. AZUL BOARDGAME — Mr. Magpie and I play this most Saturday and Sunday mornings. A perfect two-player game with a good mix of strategy and luck. We love it so much, we bought the travel version, too, and take it with us on the road.
02. MR. PEN GIFT WRAP CUTTER — This is a true wonder and I have no idea how I made it through past holiday seasons without it. It makes gift wrapping so much easier.
03. SENNHEISER MOMENTUM 4 NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES — I wear these all the time at my desk. Great for work travel and co-working spaces. Quality is incredible, but very lightweight and easy to use.
05. ENERGIZER BOOK LIGHT — Such a great gift for mini, who likes to read until she falls asleep. This makes sure she does not need to get out of bed when she’s ready to sleep and/or fall asleep with the light on! Very lightweight and battery lasts a long time. Easy enough for her to use.
06. SPEEDO CHILDREN’S GOGGLES — The elastic strap on these is SO much easier when pulling onto your child’s head. Does not snap or snag hair.
07. SUPERGOOP SUNSCREEN PUMP — This was SO handy to have by the back door for quick application before heading out. I love the consistency and scent of this sunscreen. Pump makes it easy!
08. REUSABLE WATER BALLOONS — So fun for the children, and means you don’t have plastic all over your lawn. Plus, they can refill them themselves!
Earlier this week, I came across a somewhat depressing set of infographics on who we spend our time with over the course of our lives, or rather — how little time we actually have with the people we love. Not one to dwell on the negative, I saw this as a provocation to make more space for my relationships. Sometimes I am flying through my day and feel I barely have time to shoot off a quick text, or take a few minutes for a call. I am determined to correct that oversight and carve out more time for not only the quick catch-ups and “just thinking of you’s” but for lunch dates and travel and “I’m going to get my nails done, want to come?”
One profound and more positive takeaway from the data was that time alone steadily increases as we age. I consider this a positive, because — though we may not be able to control how many hours we have with our loved ones — we can work to build a strong relationship with ourselves. This brings to mind the theme we continue to return to as a Magpie community: the notion of becoming an expert in yourself — befriending yourself. I now see that this is not only an act of grace but also of thriving survival. We have, God willing, a long time to be in a relationship with ourselves. May we make it a loving and kind one — one in which we laugh at ourselves, marvel at ourselves, push ourselves to do better when we fall short, and afford ourselves soft landings when we need them.
Last summer, we visited with Mr. Magpie’s cousin and her husband at Deep Creek Lake. They are adventurous sailors and entrepreneurs who run incredible expeditions on their fleet of vessels out of Ushuaia, the Southern-most jumping off point to Antartica. Over dinner one night, Fede told us about a solo trip he took across the Atlantic Ocean. I was astounded that he’d spent such a sustained period of time entirely alone, without phone or television or internet, entirely responsible for his well-being and that of the vessel he was captaining. When I asked about what it was like, he shrugged: “You get to know yourself really well.” The shrug signaled that earning this self-knowledge — though perhaps challenging to come by — was a good and necessary thing. A rite of passage.
I think about Fede sailing across the globe when I am in moments of self-doubt, or when I am sitting in strain and disappointment with myself. As with any relationship, you will not always be in perfect harmony with yourself — and that’s OK. You will not always do the right thing — and that’s also OK. You will not always like the version of yourself you see reflected in your interactions with others — and that’s OK, too. Because you do have a long string of tomorrows in which you can make a change, and find your better angel, and learn to feel at home in yourself. You are going to be sailing for a very long while: you must take the long view. No feelings are final and no turbulence permanent — but you will still be sitting with yourself when the sun rises tomorrow morning and sets in the evening, and it is worth it to get comfortable with the company.
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Shopping Break.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+These woven ballet flats are a fabulous everyday pick. They have a Bottega vibe — but under $140.
+I just added all of Linnea’s winter candles to my cart and am having a hard time paring down. I especially want this Noel one burning as we approach Christmas! (10% off with code MAGPIE10)
+This long wool cardigan is so chic and practical — a great “desk sweater” to throw on over anything and everything. Would also be great for a mama with a bump — love the length!
+Speaking of expecting mamas: buy this for your sister who’s expecting a baby.
+I just ordered a few extra sets of these Plus Plus flags and Hey Clay to give as gifts to little ones this holiday season. More gift ideas for children here.
+Bling20 makes not only swimming goggles but fun ski goggles for kids!
By: Jen Shoop
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
What have you purchased and been particularly excited about giving to loved ones this year? A few of my favorite gift purchases so far (I really need to get things wrapped up this week — I’m behind!)…
+An Alice Walk sweatshirt for a loved one who takes long morning walks and I think will enjoy the athleisure upgrade;
+A Hunza G swimsuit for a close girlfriend with whom I’m about to travel somewhere tropical (she needs to know the wondrous ways of Hunza G!);
+A Taylor Swift sweatshirt and American Girl desk and carrier for my girl — I really wanted to get her the trunk but Mr. Magpie and I both felt it wouldn’t be as fun for her as some of the other accessories.
P.P.S. My intention for this year was flow. I’ve been spending some time in reflection the past few days — I saw some improvement, but still have a long ways to go. I specifically need to work on having the strength of mind and spirit to let things roll off my back. I could tell after the Thanksgiving grocery store incident with the cream that I could do more work in this area.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds!
By: Jen Shoop
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
I’m suddenly very into all of the mesh / tulle / sheer pieces that have been cropping up left and right, especially when styled with velvet or silk. SO good. I just ordered the precious top above (details are SO good — buttons! peter pan collar! fabric!), and am envisioning pairing with black denim and velvet heels (<< own these in several colors; the velvet ones look so much more expensive than they are), or maybe tucked into a velvet skirt (<<in my cart)?
Below, a moodboard inspired by this sultry city vibe —
On the more casual side of the house, a handful of things that have caught my eye recently / have made their way into my cart: this hat and gloves set; this fleece; everything from Negative’s whipped collection (just placed a big order, but especially excited by this henley which I plan to wear for day/night, too, not just lounge/sleep); this phone sling; these leopard flats; this ice blue fair isle; and this teddy Birkenstocks.
P.P.P.S. On essay about my grandmother losing her beloved daughter.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds!
By: Jen Shoop
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
Holiday Decor.
This past weekend, we pulled out all of our holiday decor. So many of these items are “glimmers” for me — have you heard that term? A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger — something (internal or external) that sparks joy, or a feeling of happiness and safety. I am especially in love with this German incense smoker I found at Schoolhouse last year. The incense of course reminds me of the Catholic Church, and of those chilly mornings singing “O Come O Come Emmanuel” in the dim hallway of my parochial school — I immediately feel connected to the season, to the feeling of anticipation and excitement. They appear to be sold out but I found similar ones here and here, and I just restocked our incense cone supply.
I keep all of our children’s holiday books bundled in the Christmas decor bins in the basement, and my children are always ecstatic to thumb through them. While we were trimming the tree, my daughter asked me to read her Pick a Pine Tree, climbing up on the sofa and nestling herself under my arm — which surprised and delighted me. She is such an advanced reader, and she so routinely rejects picture books these days, that it caught me off guard! The Swedish Anglaspel below are from Heirloom Art Company. They are very delicate (you’ve been warned!) but such a treasure. We have the religious ones (Holy Family, Shepherds, Three Kings), but I also love the dala horse ones. (And the faux bois coasters are Proper Table!)
This section of this blog post is sponsored by Merit.
I’ve been raving about Merit for most of 2023 — it’s a phenomenal minimalist beauty brand and perfect for busy weekday mornings. I love that their products streamline my morning routine by either combining two steps in one (e.g., their Minimalist Complexion Stick — not a foundation or concealer but will replace both in your makeup bag) or adding skincare to cosmetics (e.g., their flush balms not only deliver buildable color but are packed with vitamin E). I also love that all their products are non-comedogenic, so they won’t clog pores.
Below, getting ready for a typical weekday with Merit products. I start with clean, hydrated skin and then apply their Minimalist Perfecting Complexion Stick in the Silk shade. (I wear this daily, year-round.) It offers great coverage but lays naturally on the skin, and includes fatty acids to hydrate skin and sea daffodil extract to diminish discoloration. I apply with their angled Brush No. 1, which is amazing. You truly cannot tell where your skin ends and the product begins — fantastic for blending the complexion stick, but I also use with their flush balms and bronzing stick.
I then apply their flush balm. I own in many colors, but especially love Stockholm for summer and Apres for winter — the latter gives the prettiest dark flush. Like all Merit products, these are designed from a “skin first” standpoint and are packed with great ingredients (including Vitamin E). I find these very forgiving from an application standpoint. You can build the color easily.
Next: eyes. I applied their solo shadow, which has calendula and chamomile in it and really stays put. I am wearing the vachetta shade, and I love that you can apply with your fingers. I’ve become a recent fan of their clean lash mascara for daytime use. It is the best mascara I’ve ever used for lash separation. I swear my lashes multiply! Achieves a very natural look.
The finishing touch: their Signature Lip in shade Millennial. The lipstick is deeply hydrating — it really feels and wears like a balm thanks to its ingredient list (vitamin C, squalane, sunflower seed oil). My full everyday look below, with no filter on any of these photos. Heads up that the sets are a great way to buy multiple products at a discount (up to 15% off). Each first order comes with a cute signature bag and every order over $40 ships free.
If you’ve been reading Magpie for awhile, you know that my daughter and I started to experience friction over getting dressed about six months ago, and I realized, after embroiling myself in pointless stand-offs on the matter, that this was not the hill I wanted to die on. This has been an almost embarrassingly challenging area for me to “let go of,” as I have loved and treasured getting her dressed since the day she was born, and yet — I need to let her be be her! I was being selfish. A few weeks ago, a girlfriend of mine told me her daughter summarily refuses to wear dresses, and, after years of battles over getting her dressed for special occasions (especially around the holidays), she decided this year she was just going to buy her dressy pants and call it a day. I admired this, and am trying to channel her. Accordingly, I now engage mini in selecting clothes, take her to the mall to pick what she likes, and give her complete autonomy in dressing herself when we’re at home. (When we’re heading out somewhere, I will give her parameters, but always leave the final decisions in her hands.) I just placed a few big orders for casual, everyday outfits that meet her criteria — soft, not-frou-frou, casual. Three orders I’ve placed recently:
+Boden: this sweatshirt dress, this striped turtleneck, this jersey dress, this pointelle tee.
+Old Navy: a big order placed just this morning while everything is 30% off with code HURRY, including these jeggings, these tees, this two-pack of dresses (love the patterns!), these leggings in a few patterns, and these sweatshirts in a few patterns (smiley face, heart).
+For Christmas, she asked for a Mahomes jersey and a Taylor Swift sweatshirt. There are some kids’ sized non-official Taylor Swift sweatshirts on Etsy that I considered, but since these are two of the major things she asked for this year, I splurged on an official TS sweatshirt in the smallest adult size. It’s going to be huge on her but I know she will treasure it. We have a sweet 14-year-old neighbor who sits for the kids now and then who has an official sweatshirt (and went to the Eras tour!!!), and I know she is going to be so excited to share this with her.
+I’m also currently hemming and hawing trying to decide on a pair of Nikes she can wear with her casual attire. Considering these or these.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds.
By: Jen Shoop
Micro was less than an hour old when my mother came into the recovery room to meet him. She wheeled around the corner, her shoulders nearly at her ears, raised in excitement, wearing an enormous smile on her face. She was making a beeline for the baby, but then she paused, turned on her heel, and said: “I need to see my baby first.” She came around to my bed and kissed me and rearranged my pillow, tutting over me in the way of all mothers. I will never forget her quick correction — the way she wanted me, the mother, to be seen and tended-to.
I’ve remembered it in moments where I feel lost in my own matrescence. I use that word, matrescence, with intention, because, though I am six years into the role, I am still becoming a mother. Some days, I feel purposeful, peaceful, as though I was destined for this. Other days, I see only my own ineptitude, or feel swallowed whole by the emotional whiplash of parenting two young children: I am Jonah in the belly of the whale. Just earlier today, I was on the phone with my mother, wandering my way through a new parenting challenge, and after we’d brainstormed and exchanged some thoughts, she offered: “Jen, there’s always something. You’ll work through this, there’s the next thing, and you’ll work through that.” “Hang in there, Jen, and don’t lose the plot while you’re finessing this particular sentence,” she seemed to be saying.
I remember calling my brother on the verge of tears during the depths of the pandemic, when we were smack dab in the middle of my mini’s threenager-dom. I was standing at the end of our long, narrow Manhattan kitchen, the one we couldn’t fully illuminate at night because my one-year-old son slept in the tiny “maid’s room” (an architectural vestige of pre-war living) off the pantry, and it had a transom window that let in the kitchen light and would wake my son if we weren’t careful. Even that strange lighting quirk felt apposite, metaphorical: I was fumbling through the dark in the service of my children.
That night, I felt erased by the magnitude of my own motherhood, by the intensity of my daughter’s moods.
“What am I doing wrong?” I asked my brother. It came out like a plea. (Just tell me!)
“Aw, Jen,” he said. “You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re a good mom. You’re a good person.”
Him reminding me that I was a person (I didn’t have the wherewithal to wonder at my goodness) sent a shockwave through me. He reminded me that I was not a single-track, some kind of conduit for care-giving. It was OK to feel frustrated, to be human. He showed me that I was not entirely measurable by the triumphs and tribulations of that single day of parenting. It brought to mind the way my mother had come to my bedside after my son was born: don’t forget yourself, she was telling me.
I think it is important to pluck myself out of my own motherhood every now and then. To see myself as a full, multi-dimensional woman, a person who is complex, and fallible, and curious, and passionate, and learning. To not, as I’ve written elsewhere, let my motherliness sit as a counterbalance to myself. By this I mean that motherhood is a part of me — not another version of me, and also not all of me.
+If you’re looking to round out your husband’s holiday gift pile, consider some of the athletic wear from Rhone. I’ve purchased Mr. Magpie a bunch of their pieces over the years. Love this simple white LS tee, for example — he already owns a few of the short-sleeved ones.
+Tis the season for colds! (Yuck.) All my sick day favorites here.
+These Nike trail runners come in such great color combos
+I thought this striped metallic shirt sold out, but maybe it was restocked? SO fun.
This post may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
Mini is an advanced and devoted reader, and we’ve encouraged her to read whatever she likes for her entire childhood. (Above picture from when she was three!) This has meant I have tolerated Dog Man for a long, painful time despite the fact that I think those books are awful. The themes are negative, the characters are unkind to one another, and there are cutesy and intentional misspellings that I think confuse a young reader. However, my philosophy has been that permitting her to opt into reading however she likes will engender a lifelong love of books. And the onus is on me to navigate the conversations about Dog Man in a way that helps her develop discernment. (For example, we can talk about how mean the characters are to each other, and why we don’t like that.) My perspective is shaped by my observations that 1) I like to read books that aren’t necessarily “good” or “positive” — that are purely for pleasure — and destigmatizing my own preferences has been an important unlock; 2) a girlfriend of mine told me that her mother banned lots of popular titles in her home when she was a girl, including Baby Sitter’s Club (my bread and butter) and Sweet Valley High (I was less into this series but did dabble), and she feels this foreclosed upon her interest in reading — to this day, she does not read, as she still associates the act of reading with the classics she felt forced to drag herself through when younger; 3) kids will find ways around censorship. My parents specifically told me not to watch any PG-13 movies when I was 11-12 and starting to enjoy sleepovers with my girlfriends. They knew I was highly sensitive to imagery (I had nightmares for years that involved Maleficent peeking into my childhood bedroom), and they knew that some of my friends were permitted to watch PG-13. Of course, I went to my girlfriend’s home and immediately agreed to watch Arachnaphobia (PG-13) — and subsequently could not sleep for weeks. I am a rule following gal — always have been — but when it comes to content prohibitions, even I found ways around (at my own peril!). Mr. Magpie has set up various permissions and parental controls on our children’s HomePods/iPads, but he told me as he was doing so that “these only go so far — kids are clever and find ways around.” Again, it feels like the onus is on us as parents to stay in tune with what they are reading, watching, listening to; to try to have the conversations around what is/what is not appropriate; and to work with them to navigate and develop fluency around these things.
On a more positive note, though, Rachel Ringenberg shared two quotes on imagination and childhood reading from Astrid Lindgren (author of Pippi Longstocking) this week and I found myself nodding emphatically:
“What the world of tomorrow will be like is greatly dependent on the power of imagination in those who are learning to read today.”
and
“A childhood without books — that would be no childhood. That would be like being shut out from the enchanted place where you can go and find the rarest kind of joy.”
So there is this, too. Freely encountering all kinds of stories stirs imagination, encourages the cross-pollination of images and themes, and helps kids learn what they like.
All a preamble to say, however: a few weeks ago, mini started bringing home books from the library that seemed too mature. One was called Guts and, when I laid in bed reading sections of it along with her last week, I found myself uncomfortable with the themes discussed — puberty, therapy, mental wellness, parent issues. I cannot shield her from learning about any of these things over time, but she is only in first grade, and encountering a cluster of them in one fell swoop was a lot. I should asterisk that I do feel comfortable with (even proactive about) her learning about menstruation because it’s a fact of life and nothing to be ashamed of — I wish it had been destigmatized more when I was a child. I have talked plainly with her about this already. But the other things? I felt stuck, as she’d already read the book on her own on the way home from school, and I wasn’t sure how to message my perspective that these things were not appropriate for her. Sometimes I feel that when I make a big deal of something, it only underscores and exacerbates whatever the issue is. By telling her she couldn’t read the book anymore, would that only draw her interest further? Would it scare her? Beyond that, had the impact had already been made. She’d already read the book. What would it mean to tell her she couldn’t read it again?
I wondered about the safeguards in place at her library, and how and why she’d selected this particular book. I feel we are at a crossroads because the books at her grade and age level are no longer challenging for her, and the books that she wants to read (for fourth/fifth/sixth graders) are too thematically mature. I am sure we are not the first parents that have encountered this issue. What advice do you have for me?
I already reached out to her teachers and librarian to flag this issue and ask for their support and recommendations, and have chatted with our nanny about steering her away from books in the public library (they spend an hour or two there after school at least one or two days a week) that seem too advanced. Perhaps we need to institute a checkpoint when she brings a book home, too? I’m so torn on this, though — help!
Also on my mind and heart this week:
+We’re officially on the countdown to Christmas! Mr. Magpie’s aunt made this adorable Advent calendar for him when he was only two years old. We tie a little gift (or scroll with instructions on where to find the gift/surprise) to each day leading up to Christmas, and the kids sprint down each morning to open. These are usually simple little gifts like a new set of markers, a chocolate Santa, some Christmas stickers, but there are a couple of “bigger ticket” surprises. I also have their new holiday pajamas designated for certain days — a great way to make a big deal over something I was already going to get them! (They will have opened their Nutcracker jammies — these for mini, these for micro — yesterday in anticipation of seeing the Nutcracker today! They also have these Santa jammies coming their way later this week.)
+This Merit lipstick is SO GOOD. I’ve been wearing it a ton in the millennial pink. The formula is deeply hydrating (wears like a balm, has a great satin-y finish) and the color is perfection. I’m actually sharing a step-by-step everyday makeup application from Merit in a mini post tomorrow. I truly love this brand. Great products that are good for your skin. The colors are amazing, too. UPDATE: I just learned that Sephora is offering 20% off sitewide (!) for all Beauty Insider members (regardless of status!) with code YAYGIFTING through today only, and they carry Merit! All of my favorite Sephora products here, including my long-standing favorite face maskever. I love to use this before heading out for a big event — it truly chisels your features / thoroughly depuffs! Would also make a great gift.
+My girlie marching to Sunday Mass. For Christmas, she’s asking for a Patrick Mahomes jersey and a Taylor Swift sweatshirt — these so encapsulate her! I don’t know exactly where she gets her tastes from but she definitely knows what she likes and does not. I shared the snap of her wearing this patterned puffer coat on Instagram earlier this week, and had some questions about it. It’s by Maisonette’s house brand, Maison Me, but last year — there’s still a size or two left here (heavily discounted!). Boden also has really cute patterns for their puffer coats: check out this and this! But if you’ve not tried Maison Me, I encourage you to! I have been impressed with the quality and the designs are great. Actually, the striped dress you can barely see here is also Maison Me. I have these striped, ribbed dresses and the matching leggings from them in my cart right now. P.S. The boots were an Amazon find and she loves them! I never know how things will go for her — even when I engage her for opinions before buying something, she can turn cold on items when they arrive! However, she loves these. I think it might help that I’ve been wearing my own cowboy-inspired boots a lot this season. One of you Magpies pointed out earlier this year when I shared all the things she picked for herself from Gap/J. Crew that it seems like she’s often drawn to items I would myself wear, and that completely changed my perspective on our occasional skirmishes over what to wear. Now I tend to buy her things that look like mini versions of what I own.
+Meanwhile, my boy still (generally, with the exception of this $80 sweater he refused to wear on Thanksgiving — wahhh!) will wear what I dress him in without a problem. My latest fixation is his pair of tiny Sperrys. I can’t. He looks like a mini Landon! (Mr. Magpie and his father both live in boat shoes, and have for as long as I’ve known them. They even have “yardwork” pairs that they slip into outside the back doors of their respective houses! He just bought himself few new pairs while on sale — this is a classic style, and only $80.) P.S. My son is also wearing J. Crew dock pants (his favorite — elastic waist is our best friend), a J. Crew sweater, and his Helly Hansen reversible puffer (exact style is from last year, but this is very similar). I’ve been impressed with the Helly jacket! We managed to get two seasons/winters out of it. It’s warm enough for snow but not too bulky/parka-esque for everyday.
+I know I’m a broken record here, but can I again say, for the record, how much I love this Hanni splash salve? I apply it at the end of my shower and I have the softest, silkiest, most moisturized skin afterward. You don’t even need to apply lotion afterward (though I often do follow up with their water balm spray). I cannot speak more enthusiastically about this product! I did notice they are running a BOGO 50% off promotion, so buy one for yourself, and tuck one into your sister’s stocking! I’m also still using and loving the Roz Foundation shampoo and conditioner. The best! I love that they offer refill pouches so you can continue to reuse the same aluminum pump bottle.
+A few other notes…
+Sezane is launching a new party collection today and I have my eye on a few items — the golden Seyma dress and the black velvet Swan top? Wouldn’t the latter be so chic with a pair of tartan or silk or feathered trousers?
+I have a loved one who takes long walks in the mornings and I want to upgrade her daily ritual with a cozy new fleece/sweatshirt for Christmas. I am torn between a Dudley Stephens fleece (I’ve been wearing mine a lot this week — such a good layer because it’s thin but keeps you really warm) and an Alice Walk sweatshirt (the most luxurious sweatshirt you’ll buy). Thoughts?
+I just ordered a bunch of the pieces from Negative’s “whipped” line. I love the look — soft but sexy!
+This reversible, casual coat is selling out fast. SO good. More sizes here.
I also stocked up on some weekend wear for my girl, buying her this seasonal Hanna Andersson dress and a few items from Boden: a patterned sweatshirt dress, pointelle tees, and their soft jersey pattern dresses.
Weekend Musing: The Women Who Hold the Universe Together.
One of my good friends is a phenomenally empathetic listener. Her baseline is warm, reassuring acceptance, and, in her company, the contents of my heart tumble right out with neither prompt nor pause. Last summer, as I was singing her praises to her husband, he replied: “She’s amazing. But sometimes she’s so empathetic that she forgets to put herself first. She takes on everyone else’s baggage. I want her to take care of herself, too.”
I’ve been thinking about my friend from this discerning vantage ever since. I am trying to be more aware of what I throw out between us — not to censor myself, exactly, but just to pause and ask myself whether xyz is something she needs to worry about. Or at least take quick stock of what else has she been carrying around (that I know of) before adding anything to the wagon. It is easy to throw out platitudes for her to adopt —
Put your own life jacket on first. It’s OK to say no! Channel main character energy. Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.
But what might those of us who surround these women of substance be able to do to help? I’m coming around to the view that if we are lucky enough to be close to those women who hold up the sky, we have a responsibility to lighten the load a bit. To knock things off the pile. To block freight before it arrives. To remind them, gently, that they don’t need to carry that thing around. And if that’s not possible, at the bare minimum, to ask, pointedly, how they are doing, and to listen.
Are you the type of woman who puts others first? I’m thinking of you today. I see you holding the universe together.
Do you have a friend who holds up the sky? Here is a little nudge to check in on her.
For M.
Post-Scripts.
+Obsessed with this cranberry-colored Naghedi. You might recall I own this in the most fun shade of buttercup yellow for summer but want this one for the cool months now!
+Love the look of these pants in that fetching green.
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By: Jen Shoop
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One evening a few years ago, I was crouched beside my bed in NYC, frantically wrapping a stack of gifts before a few family members arrived for a Christmas cocktail hour. I’d gotten into the habit of “on-demand wrapping,” meaning I’d dig beneath my bed for my bin of gift wrap materials a few hours prior to crossing paths with the recipient, and then wait until the next convening to wrap the next gift for the next recipient. I sat back on my heels, annoyed, wondering whether slapping a bow on the top would suffice. The experience had become unpleasant, harried, and entirely devoid of meaning. I thought of my mother-in-law, who would never have permitted this to happen. My MIL is the type of person who makes everything magic by virtue of careful, artful presentation. An appetizer is never without the perfect plate and festive cocktail napkin. An activity for the children will materialize with a big bow or cello wrap on top. A small hand-made ornament will be equally as beautiful as the display case she’s designed for it. On birthdays, she festoons her dining room with garlands and pinwheels and beautifully arranged vases of flowers, transforming the space into a gift itself. The effect? Magic. A feeling of being held and loved. Head-on celebratoriness. Attention is a form of love.
I will never be able to replicate or even approach her talents in this category, but I sat there and thought: “I’m missing something here.” When did gift-giving and gift-wrapping become such a chore, so distant from its original intent, which is (I think) to say: “I see you and I love you and I wanted to give you something to show you how carefully I listen to you.”
The following year, I changed tack. I designated one evening in early December to enjoy the gift-wrapping process. I pulled out all the gift wrap accoutrements, put on a Christmas movie, mixed up a holiday cocktail, and enlisted Mr. Magpie’s company. I felt better tethered to the true meaning of gifting, as I found Mr. Magpie and I discussing each item, why it had been selected, and what the recipient would make of it. We also took our time, pausing to watch the movie, enjoy the cocktail, relax. I felt as though we’d reclaimed the gifting process. It had become something to savor and celebrate rather than “that thing we need to get done because it’s expected of us.” I should mention that this change in perspective (and process) arrived on the heels of a broader insight that I had been rushing through the parts of my daily life that felt like “interruptions to” rather than “the fabric of” my life. I’d realized, with some shock, that the chores, the errands, the meal prep, the gift wrapping were not “getting in the way of living” — they were part of living, its very architecture. It’s not that we always enjoy them, but we can at least attend to them with focus. Gift giving happens to be one of those areas that can, in fact, be pleasant and even profound if I make the space for it.
My suggestion is this: at some point in the next month, set aside a night to enjoy the gifting process. Put on a holiday playlist, mix up a cocktail (egg nog gets my vote — recipe following), spread out the gift wrap all over the living room floor, and make it a holiday ritual rather than crammed-in-where-it-can-be chore.
My email subscribers received a special edition this morning that includes my favorite holiday cookie and cocktail recipes, holiday playlists, gift wrapping inspo, gift tag prompts (printable, or you can just crib the prompt onto your own tag!), and more that are helping me get into the spirit this year round. I’m sharing Mr. Magpie’s Egg Nog recipe below (carefully refined over the years!), but if you want the full email, you can sign up here and I’ll send it over!
Mr. Magpie’s Egg Nog.
Post-Scripts.
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+For the nog, we use these glasses, and order our nutmeg from here.
+I shared a detailed post on making excellent cocktails at home here. Most of our favorite cocktail-making gear can be found here.
+All of my gift wrap closet must-haves here. I also have a section of my favorite Amazon gift wrap finds here.
+It’s been really cold in DC this week (in the 20s! — in Chicago, this was “warm” for this time of year), and I’ve been wearing my Dudley Stephens fleece over tissue turtlenecks and beneath my heavy-duty winter parka. Perfect layering recipe.
+I’m going to be “guest reader” in my son’s classroom today (he is going to FLIP), and I had fun picking out a book from our bookshelves to bring in. Curious: what would you bring in to read to your child’s class? (I feel like this is a good litmus for selecting an engaging, fun, beautiful book!). I’m currently debating between The Digger and the Flower and Grumpy Monkey, two of my favorite books to read to Hill. Both have beautiful messages, but are engaging to read with great illustrations.
+These shearling-lined trainers are so chic! Love!
02. A red velvet slip dress. This is just so sexy! I saw this and thought, “This is what you’d wear to a holiday party if you had a crush on another attendee.” More narrowly, I was thinking of the character in “Love Actually” who wants to date that handsome guy in her office. (P.S. Finish with a fab party shoe.)
04. Bottle green velvet skirt. I like the idea of going monochromatic and pairing with a deep green blouse, just in a different fabric for a little texture contrast — she’s perfect.
06. Classic red turtleneck (somehow on sale for $22) — love this paired with metallic jeans (<<my pair, and I recommend sizing up, but Zara and Gap have looks for less).
07. This bold coatigan is delightfully weird and funky — it has an Isabel Marant / Fortela vibe. I’d pair with my Isabel Marant Duerto boots (<<50% off!) for an urban cowgirl moment.
A: Maybe just shy of TTS. It doesn’t have as much stretch in it as their typical tissue turtlenecks because of the metallic threading, but I still took an XS and it fits great, and so would advise taking your true size. You can see me in it here and here. A great holiday wardrobe addition. Upgrade pick: Majestic Filatures.
Q: Favorite everyday mascara?
A: Just ordered this one that has been getting rave reviews (and I generally love everything Westman Atelier does), but for the past few weeks, I’ve been using Merit’s Clean Lash for everyday. It is so, so good at separating lashes! I’ve never seen anything like it — your lashes multiply! I normally avoid tubing mascaras (such a pain to remove!), but this one is not as agonizing to remove. I usually am able to get most of it off just while washing my face like usual with warm water. I also really love Ilia’s Limitless Lash for daytime (natural, non-clumpy, but lengthening) and Giorgio Armani’s Eyes to Kill is my forever favorite, but it’s inkier and more dramatic. Thank you for asking this question because mascara is my absolute favorite beauty product on the planet! If I could only take three cosmetics with me to a desert island, they would be mascara, concealer, and blush. Probably in that order. I feel like a defined lash makes me look awake, alert, feminine! Love to accent the eyes.
Q: What was the neutral nubby cardigan you mentioned recently? Had pockets.
Q: What were the snow boots you recommended for kids?
A: We love these ones from Kuling. Easy to pull on/off but have a toggle at the shin so you can cinch. Have an impressively heavy bottom that really keeps feet dry and warm.
Q: What about the snow bibs?How does the sizing run?
A: We love the ones from Northern Classics. Very well-made with a minimalist design. My kids have been wearing them for skating lessons as the temps dip, too. I’d say they run generally TTS but my typical strategy is to buy a size up for the first year so they can stretch for two seasons. A little bit oversized is no big deal! I bought the 4 for Hill when he was 3, and the 6 for Emory when she was 5, and they’ve been fine both last year and this one. My advice (if you have multiple kids) is to buy a gender neutral color like navy or white so they can be handed down and can be easily mixed/matched with outerwear.
A: I am 5’0 and they skim but do not drag on the floor. See below! I will typically wear this around the house, so just plan to pair with my slippers and it won’t be an issue.
Q: Gloves for kids?
A: We have the snow mittens from Northern Classics, too, but my kids generally avoid mittens in favor of gloves so they can play / climb / etc more easily. I like to buy these cheapie 3-packs from H&M — colors are good/neutral and you won’t be annoyed when a pair or two go missing!
Q: Where are your two heart necklaces from?
A: The smaller one is Dorsey and I had it engraved with E+H for my two babies, and the longer one is Jane Win, and I had it engraved with my husband’s initials!
A: For full-length/floor-length/tea-length, I would advise something that intentionally hits at waist or hip, and specifically love a feathered jacket for this situation, or something like this shearling. If you wear a standard-length wool coat that hits right at knee or calf, it will look sloppy. If the dress is shorter, a long wool coat (also love this simple black one) or tweed coat.
A: Does gold count? Love this one — it’s at the top of my wishlist. This J. McLaughlin is fun in the pale pink, and Gap always does great colors.
Q: Dress coat for my five year old daughter.
A: I love these ones from La Coqueta (bought for mini in the green this year) but Gap has an adorable pea coat option with precious gold buttons. The website doesn’t do it justice — snapped this one in the store this week. It’s currently (at time of writing!) on sale for around $70.
P.S. More outerwear favorites for us and our littles.
If you want more Magpie, you can subscribe to my Magpie Email Digest for a weekly roundup of top essays, musings, conversations, and finds. Subscribers will be getting a surprise holiday treat in their inboxes later this week.
