Most mornings, Landon materializes in the door frame of my writing studio with a cup of coffee prepared just the way I like it, down to the ounce of sugar. He measures it on a kitchen scale. If I have my headphones on, which I often do in those luminous morning hours awaiting Calliope, he knows I’m in a flow, and will deliver the coffee and leave without conversation. “Wasn’t I good this morning?” he’ll sometimes ask later, meaning: “I wanted to talk, but I delivered your coffee and left out of respect for your work.” Because sometimes, too, he will arrive with coffee and leave thirty minutes later, after we’ve lost ourselves in wandering marital chatter. (What is marriage but one long conversation?).
How precious to be cared for in this way. The coffee mug in his hand nothing but a bare-faced “I love you.”
A propos of my coffee-born “I love you,” this morning, republishing one of my favorite musings from 2024 — 10 different ways of saying I love you.
*****
“How did you sleep?”
A full tank of gas waiting for you in the car.
A post-it note reading: “Heat at 350 for 20-25 minutes.”
Your dad wandering around your backyard, tearing up weeds.
A text message replying: “YES!!!”
The door knob mysteriously fixed.
An email reading: “Saw this and thought of you.”
A string of heart emojis.
Your favorite flavor of yogurt stocked in your mother’s fridge.
“Tell me everything.”
****
A few weeks ago, my best friend and her husband were staying over, and as her husband came into the kitchen, I asked, near-reflexively: “How did you sleep?” He looked a little surprised, and then pleased, and said: “Oh! Great, thanks.” As soon as the question came out of my mouth, I realized I was parroting my mother. Asking how I’ve slept is one of my her favorite ways of saying “I love you” — more a gesture of affection than anything else. I want you to be rested and comfortable, is the subtext, and I care about how you feel.
U.A. Fanthorpe put it best: “There is a kind of love called maintenance // Which stores the WD40 and knows when to use it.” Elsewhere, I’ve riffed on this sentiment when writing about Mr. Magpie: “I love the way you echo through my daily chores and counterspaces. Proof that love is a modest thing, never making a fuss about the furnishings. We’re just as likely to find it on the Duplo-strewn floor of the basement, tired parents with children crawling over us, as we are dressed to the nines sitting in a Paris cafe. Love is looking for us everywhere.”
What are some of the hidden ways people tell you they love you?
Post-Scripts.
+You can purchase an illustrated print of the piece above here. I have mine framed in these inexpensive lucite blocks.
+While visiting my sister in New York, she lamented (in her Nora Ephron manner), “No one ever makes me a salad. A salad is the ultimate gesture of love.” I knew what she meant. Sometimes love is a salad.
+More on the small gestures of love our parents extend our way.
Shopping Break.
The following content may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through the links below, I may receive compensation.
+We’re almost to linen season — last year I got so, so, so much wear out of this set from Frank and Eileen. I really love styling the set as a cohesive look (Nancy Meyers leading lady vibe), but I also loved the linen shirt with boxer-style shorts; you might consider this $30 gingham pair! So cute with a straw tote.
+Get the F&E linen set look for less with this (and this matching shirt)!
+Currently wearing this Tuckernuck top. Makes me feel like I’m on vacation. J. Crew has a great dress they just released that gives me a similar feel.
+Love these inexpensive and chic drinking glasses.
+Today is the final day of the Shopbop sale — 20% off of so much great stuff. All my picks here.
+Every now and then, Veronica Beard generously offers to send me something — I scrambled all over myself to request this east-west clutch. SO GOOD. I’ve been eyeing those ones from Savette for like two years now and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this similar style from VB. I will be wearing this all summer!
+Thinking ahead to warm weather, I feel like I want to live in these Natalie Martin fiore dresses. Such cool patterns to throw on with leather sandals and great shades.
+If you’re ever hosting a breakfast or morning time birthday party where you’ll be serving coffee — these to-go cups are a cute touch.
+Another great Banana find — wow! They’re killing it.
+No-manicure, low-maintenance great nails. I use this between manicures at my salon.
+A great LBD. CHIC!
+Cute spring shorts for your man. Love the lilac!
+Have you heard about the brand Abbey Glass? Really bright, fun wedding guest dresses under $400.
+CHIC pareo.
“How did you sleep” is my love language. Chuckled when you said you were parroting your mom. Always the first thing I ask.
This is so sweet.
Thank you!
These multiple ways to say “I love you” warm my heart! For us Filipinos, it’s “have you eaten?” or “come and eat!”
Love this! xx
Question for you as a creative that I hope will be seen (as it is asked!) in a spirit of curiosity, rather than condemnation: do you feel any misgivings about recommending “inspired by” or “dupes” that are, in fact, just cheaper copies of another brand/artist’s original creativity? I’ve never known how to feel about that—especially where it’s blatant like the Miu Miu sandals above—but I am also not someone who puts my own creativity out into the world, so you may have a different perspective. Thank you!
My number one is my mum referencing Guess How Much I Love You with a text message every time it’s a full moon. That feels extra prescient with the massive “buck moon” that rose last night.
Other ways that mean the world: being brought coffee in bed; two different bakery treats (I couldn’t decide because I know you’d love both); someone finishing a task for you when you’ve been waylaid with something else; and, direct photo updates and the message, “We were thinking of you…”.
I wrote a little about this here: https://open.substack.com/pub/journallane/p/4-how-do-you-say-i-love-you?r=yo8cj&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Oh I love these so much — especially the photo updates with the “thinking of you.” Always makes me feel so connected to people.
xx
Hi Aoife! Two different bakery treats — aaaahhh yes!!!