*Hill at two years of age, above.
I have been moping around the house because my baby is four today, and we are through the wild thicket of toddlerhood, and I can’t bring myself to say goodbye to all that, even though I must, and even though he has reached peak excitement over his birthday and I am happy for him in the way all mothers are: my smile a searching mirror of his. Over the weekend, he splashed in the icy cold pool for hours, pruned and purple-lipped, and for awhile, permitted me to wrap him into a tortilla of towel and hold him on my lap in the sun. I didn’t want to let him out of my arms. I wanted to press his cold feet to my hands forever. It struck me, as he eventually elbowed his way out of our cocoon, that I was a kind of living art installation: a shrine to mothers wanting to hold on to their babies just a little longer.
I am thinking now, as I thaw myself out of this funk, of a quote from Catherine Newman’s We All Want Impossible Things:
“Fly, be free! I want to say. I want to say, Stay with me forever! Come to think of it, these are the two things I want to say to everyone I love most.”
Therein, the entirety of motherhood: the impossible cross-currents of a love so wildly deep that we want everything for our children. We want them as they are now, folding up into our arms; we want them as we hope they will be in the future, enjoying every opportunity and freedom and happiness.
To Hill, on his fourth: fly, be free!
Post-Scripts.
+Whenever I feel weepy about these transitions, I remind myself that we contain all of the ages of our babies.
+I also remember what I wise friend once said to me, when I was weepy about my son going off to school: “You should let yourself feel all the feels. It just shows how much you love your role as a mom.”
Shopping Break.
+OMG. Absolutely dead over this dress. I think this has shot up to my new favorite summer wedding guest option, and it’s under $250.
+A really chic everyday slide.
+Loving this hot pink linen dress from Gap!
+Ooo yes! This striped cardigan is GOOD.
+A lot of you have been purchasing my much-raved-about favorite waffle bed blanket! Just a reminder you can get 20% off with code MAGPIE20.
+Two cute patriotic sweatshirts for little boys: this colorblocked J. Crew and this American flag!
+Cool shades.
+Denim sandals are having a moment. St. Laurent has a pair out, but I love this $60 pair.
+These candles are super luxe and so gorgeously (complex-ly) scented. My husband usually gives me one each Christmas in my stocking and I treasure them!
+Best plates/bowls for kids.
+Adore this fun fruit print dress. Reminds me of something Dolce and Gabbana might do.
+Speaking of fruit print, love the patterns on these dresses for girls.
+Just a reminder that these terry polos for boys are a fraction of the price of the Minnow ones and come in good colors!
+And for men: Mr. Magpie owns one of these ones from the brand Criquet!