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This morning, visiting with the wise words of others — each time I skim through this post, I think of Shakespeare: “philosophy is adversity’s sweet milk.” (Comments are also a gold mine!)
This post has been modestly edited from its original version, published in November of 2021.
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Do you have phrases you’ve picked up along the way that make you feel better? Words you repeat to yourself on bad days, in trying times, on those inevitable afternoons where somehow you’re stranded without a ride and it starts to rain and you have no umbrella? I’m thinking specifically of an afternoon of torrential downpour in Manhattan where I went to pick mini up from school and she immediately wiped out on the slick streets and, as I then carried her crying through the rain, stupidly decided it would be best to get in a cab back uptown, and then we sat in gridlocked traffic for thirty minutes and made it one avenue, so I jumped out and ran with mini through the storm to the nearest subway stop — Penn Station — which is basically the closest approximation to Hell I can imagine, especially on a rainy day, and the 1 platform was about as far as physically possible from where we entered the station, and when we arrived, we did not realize that the 1 track was being shared with the 7 line and got onto the wrong train after waiting 14 minutes and had to stop and switch at another stop and oh, God.
Today, I’m sharing a string of “footholds,” as I’ve come to think of them — perches I use when I need to marshal my energy on particularly tempestuous or stressful days.
“Focus on me, not on the storm.” (The prayer I repeated to myself over and over during my second c-section. Saying those words, I actually felt my vision focus, as if I was being drawn into a narrow corridor, and the scariness around me blurred into the periphery. More on this here.)
“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” (This is by Charles Darwin and I think of it often, especially in parenting matters, where I aspire to be the green reed that bends rather than the mighty oak that snaps in the storm. Parenting has required, for me, a continuous openness to changing course, tinkering, re-evaluating what’s working and what’s not. The same is true in my experience with entrepreneurship. Mr. Magpie told me early on “What works for your first 100 customers won’t work for your next 100” — meaning that things change as you scale and you must be adaptable.)
“These are the days that must happen to you.” -Walt Whitman (Always helps me poke my head up over the crest and realize that there is more ahead. More here.)
“The only way out is through.” (Wrote about this here.)
“When we worry about things, we end up living them twice.”
“Things must end to begin again.” I’ve always been bad at endings. These words brings me peace.
“We were together; I forget the rest.” -Walt Whitman (actually an abridgment of his words, but I prefer the concision). Whenever I think on these words, I zoom way out of whatever’s in front of me and realize how insignificant the details will be in a matter of days or weeks. Eventually, I will only remember being with my loved ones.
“Onward!”
“Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.” Helpful to perform a loose accounting of what’s on my mind and to let go of the things outside of my purview.
“One more minute.” I borrowed this from a mantra a Magpie reader shared in the comments section on this Getting-to-Know-You post, and I love it. I reminds me not to get caught up in the long road ahead. It also helps when I am at my wit’s end in parenting matters, or when I was massively pregnant and uncomfortable.
“If you understood how frequently people cope by projecting, you’d learn to take absolutely nothing personally.” – Octavia Butler. Ultra-helpful when reeling from a tense situation with friends/loved ones. I find these words also remind me to lead with empathy and think through what might be going on beneath the hood.
“People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like ‘be realistic.’” -Dylan Moran. I have in fact been surrounded by more patrons than detractors my entire life but there have still been moments where I have warmed my hands around this sentiment and gone boldly in a different direction.
“If all were rain and never sun, No bow could span the hill; If all were sun and never rain, There’d be no rainbow still.” -Christina Rossetti. Cheesy but true — brighter days ahead only appreciable by contrast.
“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.” – Max Ehrmann, part of his incredible “Desiderata.” I have especially taken this to heart over the past two years, after realizing I sometimes speak to myself with a somewhat nasty tone of voice!
“It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.” – Herman Melville. Giddy up! Muscle through those hard days! Persist!
What about you? What words give you the boost you need to make it through the blahs, the grays, the darks?
Post-Scripts.
+On chasing my would-be husband.
Shopping Break.
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+Black Friday deals are starting to roll in fast and furious. I just ordered my daughter one of these Dudley Stephens fleeces while 40% off (discount appears in cart) and this dress I wore to Mass yesterday is now 40% off (again, discount appears in cart).
+Gap has some great new arrivals. Eyeing one of these cashsoft ribbed knit sets (I really liked traveling to/from Italy in this similar set from Tuckernuck), this lace midi skirt (Gap, is that you?!), and this gorgeous knit dress. While there: these are my favorite sweats for both of my kids. They’re ultra-soft, well-made, come in good colors, and I like the retro fit. I have to say that I splurged for a few years on spendy sweats for my daughter and they did not hold up well in the laundry…these are much better.
+Back to cashmere for a minute, Quince just launched a wide range of new cashmere pieces, including these straight-fit cashmere pants, which come in fantastic colors. Their best-selling cashmere joggers are also back in stock!
+This is such a cool necklace to layer in with your usual stack — it reminded me of the Jane Win coin necklace I wore a lot a few seasons ago (now I seem to mainly wear my Dorsey stack for no reason other than that I sleep and shower in them and basically never have to mess with taking them on or off) but the M.G. one is less expensive. I like the motif of “the seeker,” too. A meaningful pendant for any creative, curious, thoughtful person.
+We just bought this chic step ladder! Somehow across our moves in the past few years, we lost our tall step ladder. I was kind of thrilled by the excuse to buy a more design-forward option.
+I am SO excited – I see Sturgill Simpson perform live this week! He’s one of our all-time favorite Sunday morning listens. I love his album “The Ballad of Dood and Juanita” — sung story-telling at its finest. The one about his dog, “Sam,” is so simple and moving. Anyway, I’m excited for the opportunity to break in my new boots and a dress…I just received this and debating whether to keep or not but it’d be perfect for this moment. I also just received this but it feels a bit too dressy? I think I might need to search my closet for an old Doen (I have this in a different pattern that might work well) to wear instead.
+I’ve been on the hunt for more wide leg jeans to wear this winter, because I like the way they look paired with a cowboy boot (I often wear my Isabel Marant Duertos, but my new Tecovas will also be worked into the rotation), and sometimes you REALLY NEED A PAIR OF SOCKS AND BOOTS, which are honestly difficult to style with the barrel jeans we all have. I feel like they never look quite right — and look more flattering paired with a ballet flat. I really like the fit of the VB Taylors (I have this colorway already) and might buy this lighter wash pair as well. (N.B. for fellow petites: both of these pairs have a raw edge hem so you can just cut them to your desired length and they still work great.). But I ordered these Rag and Bones to test as well.
+What are you wearing for Thanksgiving? After much debate, I’m wearing this lace number; mini is wearing this La Coqueta (currently 25% off and a good buy as you can also bend it into holiday / Christmas attire — doesn’t read too “fall”), and micro is wearing cords, this fair isle, and a button-down. (BTW, J. Crew has some really great vintage-inspired knits on super sale, like this fair isle, which is similar to my son’s but $29!)
+Back to Doen: did you see their collab with one of my favorite beauty brands, RMS?
+Aurate is running a 35% off promotion — I actually might pick up these gemstone earrings and how sweet is this bow necklace? Tiffany vibes but under $100 (at the moment).
+A really chic gift for an MIL who plays bridge or any card game.
+Fun luxe gifts for White Elephant style gift exchanges: Hermes nail polish and Chanel lip balm. The packaging alone!