This morning, republishing an edited version of a post initially titled “A January Reminder.” Frankly, it’d be better titled “a daily reminder,” as I have thought back on this note from this Magpie so many times, and been chastised by its truth. Today, I am thinking of a friend going through a rough patch in her marriage. From the outside in, you’d never know. A reminder to go lightly, to go easy.
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“After drop off today, I drove by the house of neighbor whose husband is getting a kidney tomorrow. I literally thought to myself: from the outside, with the snow and toddler toys, you would never know what they are going through and reminded myself it holds true for probably most people we meet.”
-A Magpie Reader
The world softens, as though a line run slack,
when I remember that many of us are privately nursing broken hearts and invisible griefs.
If I can look beyond the sunny Instagram posts and perfectly-packed Bento box lunches, or the de rigueur smile and wave from the neighbor, or the unexpected outburst from a stranger —
if I can see past the stipules, be they thorny or decorative,
I so often find a tender center.
Today I am challenging myself to ignore the guard petals,
and, equally, to be unafraid of looking sadness or hardship in its face.
Years ago, I plumbed for meaning: “what does it mean to be a woman of substance?” At the time, I doubted myself. Career transitions and a string of years that asked instead of answered had left me wraith-like with worry and insecurity. I was straining to sketch out a dress form I might eventually fill. If I could only identify its dimensions, perhaps I could model myself against it.
I now believe that a woman of substance is someone so at ease with herself, she can give herself to others without self-diminishment or self-projection. She can be happy for friends, and sad for them, too, without losing anything of herself. She can listen without interjecting her own story; she can marvel without battling jealousy; she can endure unkindnesses without questioning herself. She does not need the last word, the biggest laugh, the adulation, the apology: she is full without the feedback. She stands still in her center.
I work to be that woman.
What I mean to say to myself this October morning:
Find ease today — both in your dealings with others and yourself.
As always, onward —
Post-Scripts.
+On looking squarely at grief.
+Life somehow compensates for our losses.
+On giving myself a soft landing when I need it.
Shopping Break.
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+Mentioned last week, but can’t stop raving about the fantastic cotton sweaters from Alice Walk – absolutely perfect for this in-between weather time. I own this in two colors and just snagged one of these, too. IMO the price is incredible relative to quality. They aren’t cheap but I feel like I’ve seen similar priced in the $300-$400, and these are superior.
+THE BEST inexpensive sleeping pillows. At the moment of writing this, 20% off!
+Sea has some great new arrivals – into this marble print dress and these wide-leg oxblood trousers.
+Speaking of oxblood, most sizes still available in this perfect fall top. Of course love the color – would be so chic with brown denim, brown leather, dark wash denim, ivory, moss green…!
+Love the fall colors in this dress. Under $250, great family portrait or fall work presentation dress.
+I’m always drawn to structured journals like these, with self-improvement / self-reflections prompts!
+Sambas in a perfect fall colorway.
+Look for less for my Sezane Emile sweater.
+A chic, logo-less look for less for the Metier tote (and like 1/20th the price).
+Underbed storage is a must if you live in a small space. These were essential for NY living.
+This chic skirt stopped me in my tracks. More fab skirts for the season here.
+If you’re already thinking ahead to Christmas outfits, two items I’ve found for children that I love: this fair isle sweater (heirloom quality — pass down to little brothers, cousins, etc; also can be unisex) and this tartan baby dress.