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We’ve talked in the past about green flags — the opposite of triggers, or the little things that immediately endear us to people — but I was thinking the other day that one of “the tells” of a great friendship is that I find myself uncompelled to perform. A few weeks ago, I attended a concert with a girlfriend, and somewhere between vibing to Sturgill Simpson and catching up on life in little tendrils of conversation between sets, I found myself commenting on how weird and almost synesthetic it is to watch a crowd at a concert — all the heads bobbing in unison, the alien uniformity of it. I didn’t even have a point. I was just pawing inelegantly at something I was experiencing, and sharing it in all its inchoate mess. My friend unflinchingly leapt in. I’m not sure she fully got what I was describing (I didn’t even know what I was describing), but she said, “I love talking about stuff like this.”
I wrote her a text awhile after and said I kept thinking about that moment, and about how it demonstrated her rare ability to put people entirely at ease, and to let them be their full selves, weird comments about crowd frisson and all. I added: “Sign of a true friend – no need to perform!”
This made me think about how increasingly I find myself drawn to the places I don’t need to perform, and I use the term “perform” liberally. I mean any place you don’t need to put up a guard, a stiff upper lip, a smooth surface, a forced smile, a manicured response. Some of these places are:
A booth at a restaurant next to my mother
My car, while driving my kids to and from school — I just sit and absorb news from their worlds and find myself at my most open and equanimous
My parents’ kitchen counter
Anywhere with Mr. Magpie, but especially on our couch in the evenings, digesting our days together
Text threads with my sisters (“Any regular hair dryer recs?” “I only like blow torches, but my neighbor was just raving about her T3” “She has good hair? lol”)
The floor of a living room with my college girlfriends
On a long walk with my sister
My children’s arms
The half-full page (mid-writing flow)
What about you?
Post-Scripts.
+On building friendships through motherhood, and on balancing friendships.
+Advice for moms returning to the workforce.
Shopping Break.
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+Black Friday continues! The two big newcomers today are Frank and Eileen, offering us 20% off sitewide and Left on Friday, offering us 30% off. It’s difficult to find both of these brands on sale — sometimes you can score a $50 off code at F&E, but a flat discount sitewide is pretty compelling. My two favorite F&E pieces are their Patrick henleys (great for layering – a bit more interesting than a crewneck) and of course their travel sets, specifically the Carmel! And for Left on Friday — this sweatshirt is an absolute favorite. It’s a Friday night sweatshirt — perfectly soft and broken-in, with an unfinished hem. Sort of Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing vibes. I LOVE IT.
+Apparently these are the secret to arranging flowers?! Can anyone confirm? Another handy trick: this vase. I swear it takes all the guesswork out of arranging because the flowers fan out beautifully against the rippled edge. Great gift idea for a MIL. (Currently 20% off!)
+Not surprised, but the two Black Friday bestsellers so far this week have been these poplin Lake Pajamas (I mentioned I bought matching pairs for my MIL and her sister and they LOVE to twin in them when they visit one another — so cute) and Lake’s Relax set, which I own in multiple colors but especially adore in the new, sleek black. I pair the latter with my Ugg Tazz slippers and am in absolute heaven.
+Just noticed this BA&SH Meredith jacket I was just raving about earlier this week is on sale for 50% off in a cute pink-red color here.
+A great look for less for the VB fair isle cardi we all love.
+You’ve probably noticed I’ve absolutely worn my mesh Dolce Vita flats into the ground this season, and they are currently 30% off with code CYBER…however, contemplating upgrading to the mesh LRs while 40% off. Love the black mesh with the rhinestone detail!
+Picked up a few of these brain-teasing games to give as gifts to my smart godsons/nephews — a good gift for a boy who likes Rubiks cubes / chess / puzzles / etc. Friends of ours brought it to a ski trip last year and it’s addicting, and challenging! This also falls into the same category.
+Most of my girlfriends are die hard Mother Denim fans, and they have discounted a ton of their styles here. I find their jeans ultra-comfortable. I have a pair of their Insider Frayed Crops and they are so flattering, but so comfortable, and great for when you want to tuck jeans into boots have a clean line.
+Mille is offering 30% off their fall selection with code BLACKFRIDAY24. Two of my favorite statement tops from this season are included: this black Swiss dot (with velvet tie detail and embroidered bows!) and this burgundy print style, which looks great tucked into jeans.
+Mini will freak out over this Squishville set.