Site icon Magpie by Jen Shoop

Weekend Vibes, Edition No. 108: The One on Courtesy Vs. Gender Politics.

The one balancing gestures of courtesy with gender politics.

My Latest Snag: A New Headband.

Amidst my flurry of delivery preparations last week, I strategized about the all-important (har har) coming-home outfit for myself. I am packing two: one loose-fitting dress (it will likely be late May!) and one leggings look, as I recall that last time, I preferred the support/encasement (??) of leggings paired with a loose-fitting cardigan. On the former front, I am looking at either this Mi Golondrina tunic or this S.Z. Blockprints caftan. I know neither are nursing-friendly, but I’m going for something easy to toss on and pull off and both look perfectly roomy for a post-partem figure. For the latter look, I already ordered this baby blue linen-weave cardigan, this nursing-friendly henley, and my favorite maternity leggings. The piece de resistance for either look? A brand new denim headband that I am going to save as a present to myself until I get to the hospital. Get the look for less with this striped style. (Also love this floral style!)

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Pearl Slide.

The most popular items on the blog this week:

+These Chanel-esque parl slides.

+These uber-trendy, uber-chic rose-colored jeans. I’m envisioning them with a boho blouse.

+An elegant white jumpsuit. Great option for a bride-to-be!

+An insta-classic for any gal’s closet. Love it in that mid blue hue. I’d pair with my Aquazzura for De Gournay slides (<<sold out everywhere as they were last season, but still findable on The Real Real!)

+An absolutely stunning evening gown. I don’t normally go for stark black, but this is a knockout.

+Every lady needs a tortoise headband in her life.

+The prettiest striped blouse for spring.

+The lovely Pam Munson sent me this bag for spring and I am dying — dying — over it. I’ve been wearing it everywhere despite the fact that we’re still lingering in the 30s and 40s many days in New York. It’s roomy and structured and pretty much perfect in every way.

#Turbothot: Courtesy Versus Gender Politics.

The other day, I lumbered onto a crowded subway car. I was uncomfortable and I knew I looked it. The baby was moving in all kinds of strange ways — he’s blessedly head down for now, though mini flipped to breech position around week 34 or so, and I’m not holding my breath — and he has a habit of kicking me right in the ribs in his current placement. I was on my way to an ultrasound across town, on the Upper East Side. There’s no particularly easy way to get there from the Columbus Circle area — you either take a subway north and commit to a 15-minute walk through the Park, or you navigate multiple Subway transfers by first heading south, which always feels frustratingly counter-productive. I often take a cab but was determined, on that spring-like afternoon, to make my way via public transit and save the $20 on taxi fare. At any rate, I waddled onto the Subway car at the pace of a snail, scanning for a seat. There were probably twenty able-bodied men and fifteen teens sitting on the benches, and I waited for half a second for someone to gesture me into his seat. No offer materialized.

I was put off by this. I realize it’s a potentially controversial opinion to have, but if I see a pregnant woman, or a mother with small children, or an elderly individual, or someone with a clear handicap or injury, I will always cede my seat — even in my nearly-eight-month-pregnant state. It occurred to me, though, that perhaps these gentlemen had been chastened by other experiences and interactions. Not too long ago, I was out on my own without mini (and not visibly pregnant), and I stopped to help a mother working hard to prop a door open in order to wheel her stroller out.

“Here, I got you!” I offered, running to hold the door for her. She looked at me in exasperation.

“I’m used to handling it on my own.”

Oh.

I don’t know whether she meant it as a joke (but she somehow forgot to add the comedic wink-wink-nudge-nudge), or if she was having a bad day and needed to snap at somebody, or was offended by my gesture. Maybe she saw me as a childless 30-something woman and was annoyed by the implication that I would feel she needed my help? Maybe she found it patronizing? Maybe she was determined to prove to herself, that day, that she could do it all on her own? Maybe she was just plain rude?

I don’t know — but it occurred to me, as I reflected on that interaction, that maybe these gentlemen had been through similar experiences and had learned the tough way to just keep to themselves.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s always right to offer up my seat or hold open a door. Sure, I might run into hostility every now and then, but it’s simply the generous thing to do. I’d rather respond with kindness than with apathy, even if that gesture is declined.

What are your thoughts, ladies? How do you react when a man holds open a door for you, pregnant or not? How do you feel about offering a seat to someone who looks like they might need it? How do we draw the lines between courtesy and a kind of dangerous gender politicking?

Blast from the Past.

About a year ago, I was musing on lessons learned from Lee Radziwill, sharing mini’s favorite books (she was so little, my God!), and reading a lot of books myself.

#Shopaholic: Striped Linen Pants.

+One of my post-pregnancy resolutions is to wear more interesting pants. I wear a lot of dresses (when weather permits), but almost always default to jeans. I love the look of these striped linen pants with this discounted Free People pullover in the neutral/beige color.

+One of my favorite indie jewelry designers, Nicola Bathie, is now carried by Anthro!

+Love a Missoni moment.

+Cute toddler sheets for a little boy.

+I’m not going to go crazy or stress too much about this now, but I am determined to get back into shape after this baby is born. I have not had a consistent exercise routine since before mini was born (!!!). I am toying with the idea of hiring a trainer to help. But before we get there, I thought this wellness journal was an interesting way to start getting back into a habit of mindfulness when it comes to sleep, food, and exercise.

+This floral ballcap is so cute! I’d wear this to walk Tilly on the weekends with jeans and a white tee or a simple denim dress.

+Speaking of Liberty florals — this bib!!!

+These Riviera chairs in the new sky blue colorway! OMG! (Also, everything at Serena & Lily is 20% off right now…!)

+These LR slides are only $118!!!

+Love this simple striped blush-and-white tee — marked down to $5?! Cute with white jeans/overalls and a pastel anorak for an easy spring look.

+So into the design of these Yamazaki Home organizational products. Chic!