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Currently struggling through a bad book hangover after finishing Sally Rooney’s latest novel, Intermezzo. I don’t read widely enough to authoritatively stake this kind of claim, but if there is a better contemporary writer out there, I…would be surprised. The way she captures character, and the complex and ambiguous interactions between people, often lived out through believable dialogue, is nothing short of masterful. But her expertise does not stop there; she is also a tremendous plotter (clever and satisfying twists and turns), and romance-teller (many sweet nothings in this book), and the text’s allusiveness shuttles me into a kind of English major glee. This is the best contemporary novel I’ve read since Demon Copperhead, and you know how I felt about that.
I am still unpacking the book, but as I read, I couldn’t stop thinking about the stories we tell ourselves, and the way these stories often masquerade as “truth” when they are far from it. These “tall tales,” or “misreadings” complicate and even jeopardize relationships. In Intermezzo, we meet two brothers working through grief and grappling with their roles in their relationship with one another and with themselves. As the plot unfolds, there are countless times in which they misinterpret the behaviors of one another, and misjudge themselves, too — hold themselves too highly accountable, mistake feelings for fact. How often do we tell the wrong stories about ourselves, and about others? How do we peel fact from fiction, the truth from the way we feel about it? It can be so difficult to find the purchase to separate the two, as everything arrives filtered by emotion, and memory, and context. It can sometimes feel that we are all little, glassed-off domes of complex, rooted emotion that we have no way of sharing clearly. How might I bring this awareness into my interactions with other people, and with myself, this week? I think we’d find much healthier self-talk if we could cultivate skill in peeling fact from story. For example, instead of “I am such a bad mom, I shouldn’t have lost my temper this morning,” it can be “I lost my patience this morning.” Or “I was SUCH AN AWKWARD LOSER in that conversation at that party; why was I trying to be funny?! I’m not funny!” it can be “I felt uncomfortable in a social setting.” I feel like observing the way we felt in a third party way might be helpful in avoiding unhealthy, and untrue, denigrations and judgments. Easier said than done, of course. But I’ve been trying recently to say “I felt xxx emotion” and go from there instead of “I am such an xxx, why did I do that?!”
It’s been a more difficult and painful process to think about the stories I’ve told myself about relationship breakdowns and tensions in the past, though. I find it almost impossible to fairly treat others and myself in these retrospectives. So often, they are colored by ossified hurt, or the “story” parts have slowly calcified into “fact” in weird ways, e.g., “she was so self-centered at that time in her life…” and “I was such a rule follower that I couldn’t find a way around.” (Are these facts, excuses, stories, lies…?)
More to come on the novel. I sprinted through a few mediocre romances as a palate cleanser — anything else that you’ve read that’s been wonderful lately?
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Some shopping poetry:
DOEN VELVET DRESS // CROWN HAIR FAVORITES GIFT SET // CHAPPYWRAP SHAWL // PERFECT JEANS FOR RIDING BOOTS // KILTE FAIR ISLE SWEATER (YOUR MINI CAN MATCH YOU!) // UBEAUTY RESURFACING PEEL (20% OFF WITH JENSHOOP)
Doen dropped a new collection last week and I am in love with this velvet dress for the holiday season. // Are we already thinking about holiday gifts? I am planning to buy these for a few girlfriends. I’m obsessed with all of the included products, and it’s the perfect price point. // Just got this new fair isle cardigan from Kilte in and am in love. She is this gorgeous soft, brushed material and I love the colors. // Our favorite blanket company just launched wraps — under $100 — another cute holiday gift idea. // If you’re looking for a great straight-leg jean to tuck into a riding boot, I hear the fit on these is fantastic. // The first thing I did when I got back from Italy was use this resurfacing flash peel. (20% off with JENSHOOP) // On the trip, two skin-savers were a) these face wipes, which not only remove makeup but also tone skin, smell fantastic, and come in handy single packets ideal for travel. I am going to have to try really hard not to dip into these between trips! and b) these eye masks. I swear to God, they erase a night of little sleep, jetlag, etc. I am totally hooked. They also come in single use sets, so great for tossing in a toiletry bag. I used them immediately after getting into our hotel, and midway through the trip, after a long drive from Tuscany to Como. // LOVE these pants — have in a non-corduroy fabric but obsessed with the dark green cord linked — and the fit is fantastic. Run TTS; will not need to be hemmed if you’re petite. // I’ll have to do a whole rundown of the great style I saw specifically in Florence on Italian women but the item I saw a lot that I’m totally lusting after is a plaid, slightly oversized, blazer, worn with wide-leg jeans and loafers. Few examples at different pricepoints: this Aritizia, this J. Crew, this Veronica Beard, this J. Crew Factory.